■r,. 


DUKE 
UNIVERSITY 


^'  -v'  '"^A.  ' 


LIBRARY 


1 1  fi  ^ 


4^ 


owe. 


0 


V.  ^ 


.0^ 


^0  o^. 


■  0' 


o  0 


0 


1        ^>  X 


o  0' 


V  ^ 


Digitized  by  the  Internet  Archive 
in  2015 


https://archive.org/details/nnodernnnannerssoc01smil 


MODERN  MANNERS 


AND 


SOCIAL  FORMS. 


A  Manual  of  the  Manners  and  Customs  of  the  Best  Modem 
Society,  Compiled  from  the  Latest  Authorities;  and 
also  Including  the  Forms  for  Invitations, 
and  Social  and  Business  Letters  and 
Notes  of  Various  Kinds. 


id 


By  Mrs.  JULIA  M.  BRADLEY.  \ 


To  which  has  been  added  a  Supplement,  containing 

SUGGESTIONS  IBOUT  THE  TOILET,  BEAUTY  AND  HElLfS. 


"  What  a  rare  gift  is  that  of  manners!  Better  for  one  to  possess 
them  than  wealthy  beauty  or  talent;  they  will  more  than  supply  a?/," 

— BuiiWEB-LYTTON. 


CHICAGO,  ILL. : 
JAMES  B.  SMILEY,  Publishek, 

232  West  Washington  Street. 


J.  M.  BALL,  Little  Rock,  Ark. 
1889. 


Entered,  according  to  Act  of  Congress,  in  the  year  eighteen  hundred  and 
eighty-nine,  by 

JAMES  B.  SMILEY, 

In  the  office  of  the  Librarian  of  Congress,  at  Washington. 
All  Kights  Reserved. 


THIS  BOOK  is  sold  by  SUBSCRIPTION  ONLY -NOT  to  be  had  in 
BOOKSTORES.  Those  desiring  a  copy,  and  not  knowing  any  agent,  should 
address  the  publisher. 


3°i5 


TO  ALL  THOSE 
WHO  WISH  TO  OBSEKVE 
THE  BEST  SOCIAL  FORMS, 
AND 

ACQUIRE  POLISHED  AN"D  AGREEABLE  MANISTIRS, 
THIS  LITTLE  WORK 
IS  RESPECTFULLY  DEDICATED, 
THE  HOPE 
THAT  IT  MAY  AID  THEM 
IN  THEIR  LAUDABLE  ENDEAVORS. 


PREFACE, 


A KNOWLEDGE  of  etiquette  has  been  well  defined  as  a 
knowledge  of  the  rules  of  society  at  its  best;  and  obedi- 
ence  to  these  rules  is  as  important  in  the  social  world 
as  obedience  to  law  is  in  political  and  business  affairs.  So  essen- 
tial are  these  observances  that  'Mrs.  H.  O.  Ward  truthfully  says, 
that  if  any  thoughful  person  of  refined  nature  was  asked,  "  \\Tiich 
individual  do  you  find  most  essential  to  your  enjoyment  of  society 
— the  wit,  the  man  of  genius  or  talent,  whose  manners  are  bad, 
or  the  man  wanting  in  wit,  wanting  in  talent  even,  whose  manners 
are  faultless?  but  would  answer,  '  If  I  cannot  have  a  society  where 
both  wit  and  good  manners  are  found,  I  will  dispense  with  the 
wit,  for  good  manners  I  must  have.'  "  Another  writer  says: 
"  Those  who  def\'  the  rules  of  the  best  society,  and  claim  to  be 
superior  to  them,  are  always  coarse  in  their  moral  fibre,  however 
strong  they  may  be  intellectually," — a  sentiment  we  most  heartily 
endorse. 

In  no  other  country,  probably,  are  so  many  people  anxiously 
inquiring,  ""What  are  the  requirements  of  good  society?"  and 
when  once  the  correct  form  is  known  there  is  a  genuine  desire 
to  conform  to  it.  It  was  in  the  hope  of  helping  these  earnest 
inquirers  that  this  work  was  undertaken.  In  the  constant  daily 
intercourse  of  people,  in  city  and  country',  it  is  very  important 
that  they  should  understand  those  customs  and  observances 
which  will  enable  the  different  social  units  to  mingle  together 
pleasantly  and  without  needless  friction.  The  foundation  and 
support  of  all  our  social  laws  is  that  they  tend  to  add  materially 
to  the  happiness  and  comfort  of  those  who  associate  together. 
Acts  of  attention  and  kindness  to  others  not  only  increase  their 
happiness,  but  they  also  ennoble  the  doer. 


6 


PREFACE. 


In  this  work  we  have  consulted  the  best  authorities,  and 
aimed  to  give  the  established  rules  of  society  at  its  best,  rather 
than  to  express  any  striking  individual  opinions. 

A  work  on  etiquette  is  used  very  largely  as  a  book  of  reference 
to  settle  uncertain  points  as  they  arise,  and  for  this  reason  the 
endeavor  has  been  made  to  so  classify  and  sub-divide  the  subjects 
that  anyone  can  readily  find  what  is  wanted  without  needless 
delay.  We  hope  this  feature  will  add  to  its  popularity  and 
usefulness. 

The  writing  of  letters  and  notes  of  various  kinds  has  come  to 
be  an  important  feature  of  social  life,  and  it  is  very  necessary  for 
those  who  associate  much  with  others  to  understand  the  correct 
and  most  graceful  forms,  and  for  this  reason  we  have  made  that 
section  of  our  work  quite  lengthy  and  complete. 

The  chapters  on  the  toilet  and  kindred  topics  offer  hints  on 
subjects  which  many  people  are  anxious  to  learn  about,  and  we 
feel  confident  that  the  suggestions  there  given  can  be  safely 
relied  on. 


CONTENTS. 


Page 

Introductory  Remarks  13 

Regard  for  Others   18 

Introductions  22 

Salutations  32 

The  Bow   33  I  Shaking  Hands  35 

Kissing   36  '  Verbal  Salutations   37 


'Invitations,  Acceptances  and  Regrets.... 
Acceptances  and  Eegrets —  49  |  Invitations. 

Cards  

Cards  of  Congratulation,  Con- 
dolence,  Compliment  and 

Ceremony   65 

Forms  and  Styles   55 


,39 
37 

,55 


Hints  on  the  Use  of   61 

P.  P.  C.  Cards   60 

Taming  Down  Cards   60 

When  to  Leave  Cards   61 


Calling  Customs  

Calls  of  Congratulation,  Con- 
dolence and  Ceremony   71 

Conduct  During  Calls   72 

First  Calls   68 

Hints  to  Gentlemen   79 

Hints  to  Ladies   76 


 68 

Hours  for  Calling  75 

Leave  Taking   74 

Length  of  Calls   75 

Not  at  Home   70 

Presenting  Letters  of  Introduc- 
tion  76 


New  Year's  Calls  83 

••Visiting   .88 

Births,  Christenings,  Caudle  Parties  and  Confirmations  94 

Births   94  i  Christenings,  95 

  .96  I  Confirmation   97 


Caudle  Parties   . 

'Courtship  and  Engagement  Etiquette. 


,99 


^Etiquette  of  Weddings  107 


A  Wedding  in  Church  107 

A  Wedding  at  Home,   110 

Answering  Invitations   121 

Best  Man,  the   114 

Bridal  Tour   US 

Bridesmaids   114 

Choosing  the  Day   112 

English  Wedding  Breakfast.  Ill 

Honeymoon   Ill 

Invitations   117 


Mourners  at   113 

Paying  the  Expenses   121 

Remunerating  Servants   123 

Receptions   113 

Ushers   115 

Wedding  Cake.   121 

Wedding  Presents   115 

Wedding  Ring   122 

Widow  Re-marrying   112 


^Wedding  Anniversaries    125 

(7) 


8 


CONTENTS. 


Etiquette  of  Funerals  and  Mourning  131 

Arrangements  for  a  Funeral.  131      Periods  of  Mourning   135 

Funeral  Notices   132      The  Procession   134 

Calls  of  Condolence   134     The  Services   133 

Etiquette  op  Dress  140 

Gloves 
Ladies 


Use  of   153 

Dress     140 

for  Archery   150 

"  Balls   143 

*'  Bathing   151 

"  Bazaars   150 

"  Brides   151 

*'  Bridesmaids   152 

*'  Business.   149 

Calling   147 

"  Calls,  Receiving.  146 

"  Church.....   144 

"  Concerts   144 

*'  Croquet  Parties.  150 
"  Dinner  Parties . .  145 

"  Driving   147 

"  Evening   143 

"  Informal,  even'g  145 
"  Evening  Parties.  145 

**  Excursions   150 

"  Garden  Parties . .  150 
"  Lawn  Parties. . . .  150 


Ladies'  Dress  for  Morn'g,  at  Home  146 

"  "  Mourning   153 

"  Opera   144 

"  "  Picnics   150 

"         "  Promenade  Con- 
certs  150 

"         "  Riding   148 

"  "  Skating  Parties. .  150 

"         "  Street   147 

*'  Theatre   144 

"  Traveling   149 

"  Visiting   146 

"         "  Walking   147 

"  Weddings   152 

"         "  Wedding  Recep- 
tions  152 

"  "  Yachting   150 

Gentlemen's  Dress   153 

"  "  Gloves,  Use  of.  156 

"  "   for  Evening —  154 

Morning...  155 
Weddings..  156 

The  Harmony  of  Colors.  156 


Dinner  Parties  

After- calls   178 

Announcing  Dinner   167 

Arrival  of  the  Guests   166 

Boutonnieres.   171 

Dress  for   177 

Duties  of  Host  and  Hostess .  174 

Duties  of  Servants   172 

Favors   171 

French  Style  of  Serving   163 

Invitations   161 


 160 

Introductions   167 

Leave-taking   177 

Number  to  Invite  „  162 

Returning  Hospitalities   177 

Russian    (a  la  Russe)    Style  of 

Serving   164 

Serving  the  Dinner . ,   169 

Table  Appointments   163 

Wines   176 

Whom  to  Invite   162 


Table  Manners  180 


Carving   191 

General  Rules  of  Politeness.  180 


On  Eating  Vegetables,  Fruit,  Ber- 
ries and  other  dishes   187 

The  Knife,  Fork  and  Spoon .......  1 89 

Luncheons,  Breakfasts  and  Simple  Dinners  196 


Breakfasts   199 

Luncheons   196 


Simple  Dinners   201 

Supper  Parties.   200 


The  Family  Table  203 


Breakfasts   203 

Dinner   204 


Luncheon   204 

Tea  or  Supper   206 


CONTENTS. 


9 


Table-cloths  and  Napkins.  . . . 

"Etiquette  of  Balls  

After-calls   218 

Arrival,  and   Entering  the 

Drawing-room   215 

Dances,  the  various  kinds. . .  225 

Dress  for  Balls   218 

Escort,  duties  of   219 

Hints  to  Gentlemen   220 

Parties,  Receptions  and  other 

Afternoon  Keceptions  232 

Afternoon  Teas   232 

Archery   252 

Asparagus  Parties   251 

Author's  Parties   244 

Blue  Dinners  and  Teas   239 

Boating,   253 

Card  Playing   244 

Charades   243 

Coaching   251 

Coasting  Parties   255 

Croquet   253 

Evening  Parties   229 

Fishing   254 

Garden  Parties   246 

Glass  Dinners   239 

High  Tea   235 

Hunting  Parties   250 

Informal  Entertainments. . .  236 


 207 

 211 

Hints  to  Ladies  224 

Invitations   211 

Leave-taking   218 

Preparations  for  a  Ball  214 

Receiving  the  Guests   216 

Supper  and  Refreshments   217 

Gatherings  229 

Kettledrums   232 

Lawn  Parties   246 

Lawn-Tennis   252 

Matinees  240 

Mme.  Tussaud  Receptions   238 

Morning  Receptions   232 

Opera  Parties   237 

Picnics   249 

Pink  Dinners  and  Teas   239 

Silver  Dinners   239 

Skating  Parties   254 

Soirees   240 

Sunday  Hospitalititc   239 

Tableaux   243 

Theatre  Parties   237 

Theatricals,  Private   243 

Tobogganing   255 

Yachting   253 


Etiquette  of  Public  Places  . 

Etiquette  at  Church   278 

Church  Fairs. ..  284 

Concerts   280 

while  Driving   266 

at  Hotels   273 

"      in  Omnibusses   272 

at  Operas   280 

"      in  Picture  Galleries  28 i 


 257 

Etiquette  of  Public  Halls   280 

Riding   264 

"           Shopping   276 

on  the  Street   257 

Street-cars   272 

at  Studios   284 

Theatres   280 

ofTraveUing   268 

School-room  Etiquette  :  287 

•Etiquette  of  the  Home  290 

Manners  of  Children  295 

Treatment  of  SfiRViVNTS  303 

Business  Etiquette  , . .  307 

Etiquette  of  Presents  and  Borrowing  309 

Good  and  Bad  Society  315 

Concerning  Chaperons  318 

Washington  Etiquette  324 

Country  Manners  a^d  Hospitality  330 


10 


CONTENTS. 


Etiquette  of  Clubs  

Etiquette  of  Conversation  . . . 

AFewDont's   356 

Adaptability   346 

Advice,  Giving  of   345 

Affectations   349 

Argaing   344 

Coarseness,...   348 

Compliments   345 

Contradictions   345 

Correcting  Others   343 

Drawing  Oat  Others   346 

English  Pronunciation   355 

Egotism   343 

Exaggerations   348 

Forms  of  Address  349 

Gossip.   347 

Hobbies   345 

Language,  Suggestions  about  352 

Listening.   342 

Manners   340 


 335 

 339 

Modesty   341 

Personal  Appearance   340 

Profanity   348 

Pronunciation   354 

Pronunciation,  English  355 

Puns   844 

Questions  »   844 

Simplicity   341 

Slanders  ,   347 

Slang   348 

SmaUTalk   850 

Stories   343 

Subjects  of   340 

Sympathy   342 

Talent,  Displays  of   347 

Talking  Shop   346 

Voice   340 

Wit   347 


Unsettled  Points  of  Etiquette  359 


About  After-calls   365 

Concerning  Chaperons   363 

Courtesies  to  Others   363 

Giving  the  Inside  or  Wall. . .  360 


On  Sending  Invitations   362 

The  Right  or  Left  Arm   359 

Who  Should  Bow  First.   361 


Miscellaneous  Rules  of  Etiquette  367 

Adaptability   367   I  General  Hints   371 

About  Minute  Formalities . .  368      Public  Displays  of  Talent   370 

Ease  and  Self-possession —  369     Right  of  Privacy   370 


Letters  and  Notes   

Abbreviations,  Use  of  

Answering  Letters  

Beginning  a  Letter  

Blotted  Letters  

Capitals,  Use  of  

Closing  for  Letters  

Conclusion,  the,  of  Letters . . 

Crossing  the  Writing  

Dating  Letters  with  Figures 
Envelope,  Addressing  the. .. 

Figures,  Use  of  382- 

Folding  the  Letter  

Foreign  Titles  

French  Phrases  

Grammar  

Handwriting  

Headings  for  Letters  


419 

396 
381 
403 
396 
892 
384 
381 
404 
404 
880 
418 


386 


 377 

Ink,  What  to  use   380 

Introduction,  the,  of  Letters   388 

Letters  Announcing  Engagement.  439 

"    of  Apology   436 

"    to  Bridesmaid   439 

"    of  Business   429 

"    of  Condolence   420 

•*    of  Congratulation  422 

"    Draft,  Form  of   432 

*'    About  Favors  Asked   433 

"    of  Friendship   424 

Relating  to  Gifts,   435 

"    to  Godmother,  Request  to 

Act   489 

"    of  Invitation  428 

"     of  Inquiry   431 

"    of  Introduction   4i7 


CONTENTS. 


11 


Letters  A^■D  Xotes  (Continued). 

"     Notes,  Form  of   431 

"    to  Pall-bearer,  Re- 
quest to  Act   439 

"     of  Postponement   428 

"  Receipts,  Form  of..  432 
"     of  Recommendation  434 

"     Social  424 

Paper,  the  Kind  to  Use   378 

Postscripts   354 

Punctuation,  Hints  on   399 


Openings  for  Letters   S96 

Sealing-was,  Use  of   3S0 

Slovenly  Letters   381 

SpeUing  381 

Style   382 

Superscription,  the  404 

Third  Person,  Use  of   385 

Titles,  addr  ssing  people  with   411 

Underscoring   334 

Wafers,  Use  of   380 


S  TJ  :P  IP  Xj  IE      IE  IDT  T . 


SrGGESTIO:^S  ABOUT  BEAUTY.  HEALTH  A^'D   THE  TOILET. 


About  Be^^utt  

The  Standard  of  Beauty   450  ' 

Oy  Detelopen"g  Be.\utt  and  Gr. 
Bathing  Young  Children —  455 
Beer  and  Cider  for  Children  457 

Ears,  Large,  to  Modify   466 

Exercise   458 

Fresh  Air,  Importance  of .. .  458 
Freckles  and  Sunburn   465 

The  Complexion  

Ammonia,  Use  of   474 

Benzoin,  Use  of   473 

Borax,  Use  of   474 

Bran,  Use  of   475 

Cleopatra's  Bath  for   487 

Cold  Cream   476 

Cosmetics   475 

Enameling  the  Skin  487 

Dew-water   469 

Face-masks   486 

Lait  Virginal   478 

Affectio>-s  of  the  Sken-  

Acne   490 

Bites  and  Stings   493 

Black  Heads   494 

Blisters   494 

Boils   494 

Bruises   495 

Burns  and  Scalds   495 

Chaps   496 

Dark  Lines  Under  the  Eyes .  496 

Dye   497 

Erysipelatous  Inflammation  510 


 4io 

Beauty  of  Form   453 

ACE  es-  Childeex  156 

Hair,  the   465 

Nose,  a  Pug,  to  Cure   466 

Nursing  One's  Own  Children   457 

Stays,  for  Children   463 

The  Teeth   465 


 468 

Lavender-water   479 

Oatmeal,  Use  of   474 

Powders,  Use  of   479 

Pure  Water,  Importance  of   469 

Rouge.    483 

Soap,  Importance  of  I*ure   473 

Steaming  the  Skin   486 

Toilet  Tinegars   478 

Virginal  Milk   478 

AVatermelon-juice   470 


 489 

Flabby  SMn   497 

Flushing  of  the  Face   497 

Freckles   493 

Frost  Bites   498 

Greasiness  of  the  Skin   498 

Hard  and  Stippled  Skin   499 

Hepatic  Spots   50O 

Herpes  Labialis   500 

Hives   500 

Horny  or  Thickened  Skin   500 

Irritable  Skin   500 


12 


CONTENTS. 


Affections  of  the  Skin  (Continued). 


Itch   500 

Itching  of  the  Skin   503 

Ivy  Poisoning   503 

Looseness  of  the  Skin   503 

Mask..   504 

Moles   504 

Morphew  ,   504 

Moth-spots   504 

Muddy  Skin   505 

Nettle-rash   506 

Nettle  Stings   505 

Nose,  the  "  Cauliflower  "   510 

PaUid  Skin   506 

Patches   504 

Perspiration   .  507 

Pimples...,   506 

Prickly  Heat   507 

Redness  of  the  Skin   508 


The  Hair. 


Bingworm   510 

Sallow  Skin   513 

Scalds   513 

Scars   513 

Scratches  ,   513 

Sensitive,  or  Thin  Skin   514 

Smallpox  Pitting   514 

Stings   515 

Stains   515 

Stippled  Skin   515 

Sunburn.   515 

Sycosis   516 

Tan   516 

Tattoo  Marks   517 

Thickened  Skin   500 

Varicose  Veins   517 

Warts   517 

Wrinkles   518 

 ...520 


Hair  Restorers   537 

Loss  of  Color  in  Hair   537 

Lice  •   538 

Parasites   538 

Red,  or  Sandy  Hair   538 

Superfluous  Hair   538 

Switches,  to  Freshen   539 

Thin  and  t  ailing  Hair   540 

Tenderness  of  Scalp   544 

Wigs,  to  Bleach   545 


  526 

Bandolene,  a   526 

Bleaching  the   526 

Curling  and  Crimping   527 

Damp  Hair   529 

Dandruff  or  Scurf.   529 

Depilitories   529 

Dry  and  Stiff  Hair   529 

Greasy  Hair   530 

Glossy  Hair,   530 

Hair  Dyes   533 

Eyebrows  and  Eyelashes  

The  Eyebrows   546 

The  Eyes,  Ears  and  Nose  

The  Ears   557 

The  Eyes   550 

The  Mouth  and  Teeth  

The  Breath   564 

The  Gums   564 

The"  Hands  and  Arms  

The  Arms   584 

The  Hands   572 

The  Feet  and  Lower  Limbs.. 
The  Feet   586 

The  Figure  595 


 546 

I  The  Eyelashes  548 

 ....550 

1  The  Nose   555 


 559 

The  Lips   559 

The  Teeth  566 

 572 

The  Nails   582 


The  Lower  Limbs. 


,586 
.  594 


The  Bosom   598 

The  Chest   595 

Leanness    607 


Obesity   605 

The  Waist  604 


INTRODUCTORY  REMARKS, 


HE  word  Etiquette  is  of  Anglo- Norman 
origin  and  originally  denoted  the  ticket 
tied  to  bags  and  bundles  to  indicate  their 
contents.  Generations  ago  our  ancestors 
wrote  or  printed  their  chief  rules  of 
behavior  on  cards  or  tickets,  and  thus 
the  word  came  gradually  to  have  the 
meaning  we  ascribe  to  it.  Some  code  of 
manners  has  existed  from  very  early 
times,  and  in  the  "ancient  bokes  "  of  the  Anglo-Saxons 
we  find  directions  given  our  ancestors  what  to  do  and 
what  not  to  do.  Ever}'  g'^neration  since  has  had  its 
code  of  manners,  but  we  find  our  ideals  constantly 
changing.  Could  one  of  those  old  mediaeval  Knights 
be  introduced  into  a  modern  ball  room,  or  a  fashion- 
able dinner  party,  he  would,  we  fear,  cut  a  sorry  figure. 
Many  of  the  rules  laid  down  in  the  old  books  read 
curiously  in  the  light  of  our  modern  ideas.  In  one 
of  these  works  our  fore-fathers  were  told  they  might 
wipe  their  mouths  on  the  table-cloth,  but  not  their 
noses  or  eyes!  They  are  also  cautioned  not  to  clean 
their  teeth  on  the  table-cloth !  High  born  ladies  swore 
profusely,  and  indulged  in  many  practices  which  would 
hardly  be  tolerated  now  among  the  lowest  orders  of 
society.    In  view  of  the  recent  escapades  of  the  Duke 


14 


INTKODUCTOEY  REMARKS. 


of  Marlborough,  the  story  may  be  told  of  a  certain 
Duchess  of  Marlborough,  a  few  generations  back,  who 
called  on  Lord  Mansfield  on  business,  and,  not  finding 
him  in,  declined  to  give  her  name.  In  describing  her 
visit  his  lordship's  secretary  said,  "  I  could  not  make 
out,  sir,  who  she  was ;  but  she  swore  so  dreadfully  that 
she  must  be  a  lady  of  quality! "  From  that  time  to  the 
present  there  has  been  a  steady  improvement  in  the 
manners  of  the  people. 

If,  now,  we  turn  to  the  continent  we  find  the  same 
refinement  of  manners  taking  place  which  has  marked 
the  progress  of  the  English  speaking  people.  In  Russia 
Queen  Catherine  found  it  necessary  to  forbid  the  gentle- 
men to  strike  their  wives  in  public!  And,  again,  the 
ladies  are  forbidden  to  wash  out  their  mouths  in  the 
drinking  glasses  !  The  French  have  always  ranked  as 
the  politest  peoplfe,  and  yet  we  find  an  old  English 
traveler  relating  that  he  dined  "  at  Madame  Du  Boca- 
ge's,  a  lady  of  high  rank.  The  footman  took  the  sugar 
in  his  fingers  and  threw  it  into  my  coffee.  I  was  going 
to  put  it  aside,  but  hearing  it  was  made  on  purpose  for 
me,  I  e'en  tasted  Thomas'  fingers.  The  same  lady  would 
needs  make  tea  a  V  anglaise.  The  spout  of  the  teapot 
did  not  flow  freely,  so  she  bade  the  footman  to  blow  into 
it!"  Various  affectations  have  also  had  their  seasons  of 
fashion  and  we  find  one  writer  in  the  seventeenth  cent- 
ury relating  that  "  at  one  time  it  was  fashionable  to  be 
short-sighted;  a  man  would  not  own  an  acquaintance 
until  he  had  first  examined  him  through  a  glass.  The 
age  no  sooner  recovered  its  sight  than  the  blind  were 
succeeded  by  the  lame."  This  affectation  of  looking  at 
an  acquaintance  through  a  glass  reminds  one  of  a  some- 
what similar  modern  fashion. 

We  might  continue  quotations  of  this  kind  indefin- 
itely, but  perhaps  we  have  given  enough  to  convey  to  our 


INTRODUCTORY  REMARKS- 


15 


readers  an  idea  of  the  changes  which  have  taken  place 
— and  these  changes  are  constantly  going  on.  Many 
of  the  rules  of  etiquette  which  prevailed  ten  or  twenty 
years  ago  are  out  of  date  to-day;  and  then,  too,  as  our 
nation  develops  and  the  prairies  are  converted  into 
farms,  and  towns  and  villages  spring  up  which  grow 
into  cities,  society  becomes  more  complicated  and  the 
need  is  felt  of  those  social  laws  which  have  been  devel- 
oped and  adopted  in  the  older  communities.  In  a 
country  like  America  where  there  are  no  castes,  and 
where  such  rapid  changes  in  the  social  standing  of  people 
take  place — the  farmer's  boy  of  to-day  becoming  the  pro- 
minent and  wealthy  merchant  or  banker,  the  governor 
or  president  of  to-morrow,  and  where  the  intermingling 
or  the  different  classes  is  so  general — there  is  a  constant 
and  almost  universal  desire  to  know  what  the  social  laws 
of  rules  of  etiquette  of  the  best  society  really  are. 
Of  course,  to  a  certain  extent,  etiquette  is  a  matter  of 
locality,  so  that  many  of  the  little  points  required  in  the 
higher  circles  in  New  York  would  not  be  needed  in  a 
thinly  settled  farming  community  in  Nebraska,  and  yet 
there  is  a  constant  tendency  towards  the  adoption  by  all 
classes  of  society  of  the  etiquette  evolved  and  adopted 
by  the  best  social  circles,  and  the  very  general  desire  to 
know  what  those  customs  are  is  a  most  encouraging 
sign  of  the  times.  One  of  the  first  requisites  of  good 
manners  is  the  perfect  ease  and  self-possession,  the 
absence  of  all  fussiveness,  which  comes  from  a  knowl- 
edge of  the  rules  of  etiquette;  from  knowing  what  to  do 
and  when  to  do  it.  What  is  more  pitiful  than  to  see 
the  awkwardness  and  embarrassment  of  a  young  man 
who  does  not  know  what  to  do  with  his  hat  or  his  hands, 
whose  eyes  wander  anxiously,  and  who  is  in  mortal  terror 
lest  he  should  do  something  to  betray  his  awkwardness? 
What,  unless  it  is  a  young  lady  in  the  same  predica- 


16  INTRODUCTORY  REMARKS. 

ment!  And  yet  this  same  awkward  fellow  may  soon 
learn  the  social  laws  and  become  easy  and  self-possessed. 

In  this  work  no  special  claim  of  originality  is  made; 
in  fact  too  much  originality  would  render  the  work  value- 
less, for  what  people  want  to  know  is  not  what  are  the 
theories  or  hobbies  of  the  writer,  but  what  are  those 
well  established  and  generally  accepted  laws  of  etiquette 
which  they  are  expected  to  know,  and  the  ignorance  of 
which  will  make  them  appear  awkward  and  boorish  in 
the  sight  of  others.  These  rules  we  have  endeavored  to 
give,  and  we  have  also  tried  to  make  the  work  as  com- 
plete as  possible  and  to  give  the  latest  attainable  infor- 
mation on  the  subject.  It  should  be  constantly  borne 
in  mind,  that  even  those  which  appear  to  be  trivial  rules 
of  etiquette  have  usually  some  basis  in  common  sense, 
and  it  is  very  evident  that  the  great  body  of  these  laws 
are  calculated  to  enable  the  wheels  of  the  great  social 
machine  to  run  smoothly  and  without  jarring. 

A  clearer  understanding  of  social  customs  may  often 
be  derived  from  a  knowledge  of  their  origin,  and  for 
this  reason  we  have  frequently  explained  the  causes  or 
conditions  which  gave  them  birth.  For  example,  in  the 
old  days  of  chivalry,  when  the  Knights  wore  coats  of 
mail  and  their  hands  were  cased  in  hard  gloves,  it  would 
often  cause  a  lady  great  pain  to  have  her  soft  hand 
grasped  with  such  an  "  iron  grip."  Custom,  therefore, 
very  sensibly,  required  the  Knight  to  remove  his  glove 
before  venturing  to  shake  a  lady's  hand;  and  so,  also, 
arose  the  custom  of  saying,  "Excuse  my  glove,"  when 
it  could  not  conveniently  be  taken  off.  The  same  reason 
does  not  exist  for  removing  the  soft  glove  worn  at  the 
present  day,  and  so  it  is  no  longer  the  rule  to  either 
remove  the  glove  or  say,  "  Excuse  my  glove."  That  cus- 
tom has  become  obsolete.  Again,  before  the  days  of 
sidewalks,  and  in  the  narrow  streets  which  were  the 


IXTEODUCTOEY  REMARKS. 


17 


rule  in  many  of  the  old^r  cities,  it  was  necessary  for  a 
gentleman  when  escorting  a  lady  to  ''give  her  the  wall" 
as  we  say.  By  taking  the  outside  he  could  shield  her 
from  passing  animals  or  vehicles,  or  defend  her  if  need 
be.  and  so  it  became  the  rule  to  give  the  lady  the 
"inside"  of  the  walk.  Now,  however,  times  have 
changed,  sidewalks  are  universal,  and  the  gentleman  is 
not  called  on  to  protect  the  lady  as  formerly,  and  so  the 
custom  of  giving  the  lady  the  inside  is  becoming  obso- 
lete— passing  away  with  the  cause  that  gave  it  birth. 
We  give  these  merely  as  examples  to  illustrate  our 
meaning.  One  who  understands  the  origin  of  a  custom 
will  readily  see  the  propriety  of  discarding  it  when  it  is 
no  longer  needed. 

But  although  we  have  tried  to  make  the  work  com- 
plete, it  is  utterly  impossible  for  any  book  to  touch  on 
all  the  thousand  and  one  little  points  that  may  from 
time  to  time  arise,  for.  after  all,  something — much  in 
fact — must  be  left  to  the  tact  and  common  sense  of  the 
individual.  We  cannot  make  automata  of  our  readers 
and  wind  them  up  so  that  they  will  go  right  under  all 
circumstances  without  the  use  of  their  own  judgments. 
The  thoughtless  and  forgetful  people  who  are  continu- 
ally making  blunders — talking  of  the  dead  to  their 
friends  as  though  they  were  living,  introducing  delicate 
and  unfortunate  topics  of  conversation,  forgetting  names 
and  faces  and,  in  general,  blundering  around  and  hitting 
people's  delicate  spots — can  never  succeed  in  society. 

If  this  work  shall  help  any  of  its  readers  to  avoid 
those  social  mistakes  which  are  so  mortifying  to  proud 
and  sensitive  natures,  and  to  attain  that  politeness  of 
manner  which  will  contribute  so  much  to  their  own 
happiness  and  that  of  others,  the  author  will  feel  amply 
repaid  for  the  labor  involved  in  its  compilation. 


REGARD  FOR  OTHERS. 


HILE,  as  we  have  said  before,  the  laws  of 
etiquette  are  constantly  changing  and 
the  manners  of  each  succeeding  genera- 
tion become  more  refined,  the  principles 
which  underlie  all  these  social  laws  do 
not  change.  The  basis  of  all  good  man- 
ners lies  in  a  regard  for  the  feelings  of 
others.  Indeed,  probably  no  better  sum- 
ming up  of  the  rules  of  etiquette  could 


be  found,  than  that  contained  in  the  golden  rule,  "Do 
unto  others  as  you  would  that  they  should  do  to  you. " 
St.  Paul's  idea  of  becoming  "all  things  to  all  men  "  was 
essentially  that  of  the  modern  gentleman. 

True  politeness  may  at  times  even  require  one  to 
violate  the  strict  laws  of  etiquette.  Thus  it  is  related  of 
Queen  Victoria  that  she  was  at  one  time  entertaining  at 
dinner  an  old  soldier  whose  bravery  in  the  Crimean  war 
had  endeared  him  to  all  loyal  English  hearts.  Lacking 
the  polish  of  refined  society,  he  ate  with  his  knife. 
Noticing  a  smile  on  the  face  of  one  of  the  party,  Queen 
Victoria  deliberately  ate  with  her  knife  also,  thus  effect- 
ually rebuking  the  ill-bred  smile  and  saving  the  feelings 
of  her  soldier  guest. 

That  kind  of  intuitive  faculty  which  some  men,  but 
more  women,  possess  of  avoiding  the  unpleasant  and 
drawing  out  the  pleasant  traits  of  character,  that  knack 
for  making  every  one  feel  at  home  in  their  presence,  is 


EEGAED  FOR  OTHERS. 


19 


a  striking  characteristic  of  true  politeness.  Euskin 
says,  "  A  gentleman's  first  characteristic  is  that  fineness 
of  structure  in  the  body  which  renders  it  capable  of  the 
most  delicate  sensation,  and  of  that  structure  of  the 
mind  which  renders  it  capable  of  the  most  delicate  sym- 
pathies, or,  as  one  may  simply  say,  fineness  of  nature. " 
And  again  he  says,  "  One  of  the  probable  signs  of  high 
breeding  in  men  generally  will  be  their  kindness  and 
mercifulness — these  always  indicate  more  or  less  firm- 
ness of  make  in  the  mind." 

Indifference  to  the  feelings  and  pleasures  of  others 
always  indicates  a  coarse  and  brutal  nature — a  surviyal, 
doubtless,  of  that  callousness  of  nerve  which  enabled  our 
savage  ancestors  to  take  delight  in  seeing  a  fellow-being 
suffer.  The  change  in  nervous  sensibility  is  very 
apparent  from  the  time  when  whole  communities 
delighted  in  gladiatorial  contests  where  men  were 
"butchered  to  make  a  Eoman holiday, "  and  our  modern 
horror  of  giving  pain  to  even  the  dumb  animals  so  that 
societies  are  organized  for  the  suppression  of  cruelty  to 
them.  Now  these  sympathetic  feelings  find  expression 
in  various  ways  that  come  under  the  head  of  etiquette. 
There  is  a  large  class  of  what  have  been  happily  termed 
''optional  civilities."  Such  little  attentions  as  lifting 
the  hat  by  the  gentlemen  in  an  elevator  when  a  lady 
enters  it,  or  for  a  cultivated  and  popular  lady  to  turn 
aside  in  society  to  notice  an  awkward  and  embarassed 
young  man,  and  say  a  few  pleasant  words  that  he  may 
long  remember,  or  to  send  a  basket  of  flowers  to  a  friend 
on  her  birthday,  or  after  a  wedding,  or  on  opening  a 
new  residence. — all  such  little  things  add  wonderfully 
to  the  pleasures  of  life  and  relieve  its  monotony.  They 
certainly  exert  an  elevating  and  refining  influence  on 
character.  They  impress  people  like  the  perfume  of 
flowers,  or  sweet  strains  of  music.    Xor  are  these 


20 


EEGARD  FOR  OTHERS. 


things  without  their  pecuniary  importance,  for  Emerson 
very  truthfully  says :  "  Give  a  boy  address  and  accom- 
plishments and  you  give  him  the  mastery  of  palaces  and 
fortunes  wherever  he  goes, "  and  many  of  our  leading 
business  men  owe  no  small  portion  of  their  success  to 
their  politeness  and  address. 


INTRODUCTIONS. 


S  an  introduction  is  a  social  indorsement, 
discrimination  should  be  used  in  intro- 
ducing people,  especially  those  of  whose 
character  one  is  ignorant.  It  is  perfectly 
proper  to  say  to  a  young  gentleman  solicit- 
ing an  introduction  to  a  young  lady,  "I 
fear  I  hardly  know  you  well  enough  to 
introduce  you.  I  beg  you  to  wait  until  her 
parents  can  present  you.  "  On  the  other 
hand  too  much  formality  is  not  desirable.  Strict  eti- 
quette is  opposed  to  indiscriminate  introductions,  and 
most  society  people  are  very  careful  to  ascertain  whether 
an  introduction  is  mutually  desired  before  venturing  tu 
hazard  the  ceremony. 

INTEODUCTIONS  SHOULD  BE  DESIEED  BEFORE  GIVEN. 

It  may  be  set  down  as  an  established  rule  that  no 
gentleman  should  be  presented  to  a  lady  until  she  has 
been  consulted  and  given  an  opportunity  to  refuse,  and 
two  ladies  are  not  introduced  until  the  wishes  of  both 
are  ascertained,  and  it  is  mutually  desired. 

In  smaller  towns,  and  among  people  of  the  same 
set,  "  many  hold  that  an  introduction  hurts  no  one,  and 
as  it  is  easy  to  repel  an  undesirable  acquaintance,  even 
after  an  introduction,  the  rigid  rules  of*' etiquette  are 
ignored. 


INTRODUCTIONS. 


23 


GREETING  ON  BEING  INTRODUCED. 

The  latest  fashion  considers  it  more  elegant  for  a 
lady,  especially  a  young  lady,  to  bow  merely  on  a  first 
introdnction,  but  Avhere  she  wishes  to  show  cordiality  it 
is  proper  to  extend  the  hand. 

Gentlemen  usually  shake  hands  on  being  introduced, 
but  the  older  gentleman  makes  the  first  advance. 

A  gentleman  waits  until  a  lady  offers  her  hand  before 
extending  his.  However,  when  the  hand  is  offered  by 
either  party  it  should  be  cordially  taken.  Always  res- 
pond to  a  greeting  in  the  same  spirit  in  which  it  is 
tendered. 

In  her  own  house  a  lady  cordially  greets  any  one 
brought  to  her  by  a  mutual  friend,  usually  extending  her 
hand. 

BOWING  AFTER  AN  INTRODUCTION. 

After  being  introduced  to  a  lady,  a  gentleman  must 
always  wait  for  her  to  bow  first.  This  is  the  American 
rule,  and  the  one  generally  recognized. 

INTRODUCTIONS  WHEN  CALLING. 

In  fashionable  society  the  rule  is  established  that,  in 
her  own  house,  a  Is^dy  cannot  introduce  two  ladies  resid- 
ing in  the  same  town.  No  doubt  the  reason  for  this  is 
that  the  hostess  must  not  hazard  the  offense  of  intro- 
ducing one  whose  acquaintance  is  not  desired.  The  sen- 
sible English  rule,  however,  that  "  the  roof  is  an  intro- 
duction" is  gaining  ground.  Certainly  nothing  is  more 
stupid  than  for  two  people  to  eye  each  other  without 
speaking,  like  two  awkward  children,  while  at  the  house 
of  a  mutual  acquaintance.  It  is  better  to  drop  the  form- 
ality and  chat  pleasantly  for  the  time  being,  and  then 
let  the  acquaintance  end  with  the  occasion. 


24 


INTRODUCTIONS. 


FORM  OF  AN  INTRODUCTION. 

In  introductions  the  simplest  form  is  the  best.  "  Miss 
Bright  allow  me  to  present  Mr.  Sharp;  Mr.  Sharp 
Miss  Bright, "  is  a  proper  form.  In  introducing  gen- 
tlemen the  names  alone  are  often  used,  as,  "  Mr.  Black, 
Mr.  Brown;  Mr.  Brown,  Mr.  Black."  When  several 
persons  are  presented  to  an  individual  at  one  time,  it  is 
usual  to  mention  the  name  but  once,  thus  :  "  Mr.  Bright 
allow  me  to  present  Mr.  White,  Mr.  Brown,  Mrs.  Black, 
Miss  Snow,"  and  so  on,  bowing  to  each  one  as  the  name 
is  pronounced.  The  greeting  should  be  "  I  am  happy 
to  meet  you,  Mr.  Bright,"  or  ''I^am  pleased  to  make 
your  acquaintance  "  or  any  similar  remark. 

The  words  "  allow  me  to  present"  are  preferred  by 
many,  but  allow  me  to  introduce"  or  "allow  me  to 
make  you  acquainted  with  "  are  in  common  use.  The 
exact  words  are  not  important.  After  an  introduction 
the  party  introduced  should  open  the  conversation  with 
any  light  remark,  showing  a  disposition  to  be  agreeable. 

THE  NAME  IMPORTANT. 

In  introducing  people  the  names  should  be  spoken 
very  distinctly,  and  if  either  party  does  not  catch  the 
other's  name,  it  is  best  to  say  so  at  once,  as,  "I  beg  par- 
don, but  I  did  not  understand  the  name.  "  It  is  much 
better  to  do  this,  than  to  blunder  around  without  know- 
ing the  names  of  those  to  whom  you  are  talking. 

WHOM  TO  PRESENT. 

Gentlemen  are  presented  to  ladies,  the  younger 
individual  to  the  older,  and  the  inferior  to  the  superior. 
American  ideas  of  equality,  however,  often  make  the 
latter  distinction  anytliing  but  clear. 


IXTRODUCTIOXS. 


25 


INTRODUCING  RELATIVES. 

A  lady  in  introducing  her  husband,  should  always 
give  his  name,  as  "This  is  my  husband  Mr.  Bright," 
and  not  simply  "  This  is  my  husband.  "  If  he  has  a 
title  she  should  give  that,  as,  ''This  is  my  husband 
Judge  Brown,  "  or  "  Governor  Brown, "  or  whatever 
the  title  may  be.  A  lady  may  always  introduce  her  hus- 
band, son  or  daughter,  without  previously  asking  per- 
mission to  do  so.  In  introducing  any  relative,  the  full 
name  should  be  given,  as  "  This  is  my  cousin  Miss 
Carrie  Smith, "  and  never  merely  "  This  is  my  cousin 
Carrie.  " 

EXPLANATORY  REXARKS. 

In  introducing  strangers  some  explanatory  remarks 
may  be  made,  such  as,  "This  is  Judge  Brown  of  the 
Superior  Court,  "  or  "  Miss  Williams,  this  is  Mr.  Sharp, 
author  of  the  '  Jingo  Papers '  which  amused  you  so 
much,  "  or  "  This  is  Mr.  Black,  who  lives  in  Xew  York. 
It  is  a  great  help  over  the  awkwardness  of  starting 
a  conversation  with  a  stranger  to  have  some  such  clew 
to  his  standing. 

INTRODUCING  A  GUEST. 

A  guest  must  always  be  introduced  to  visitors  who  ^ 
call;  but  two  visitors  calling  at  the  same  time  are  not 
introduced.  The  reason  is  that  the  lady  does  not  know 
whether  the  acquaintance  is  mutuallj'  desired  or  not. 
Two  callers  thus  meeting  in  a  friend's  parlor  may  chat 
as  freely  as  though  they  had  been  introduced,  but  the 
acquaintance  ends  when  they  leave  the  house,  unless  its 
continuance  is  desired  by  both  parties. 


26 


INTRODUCTIONS. 


INTRODUCING  ENEMIES. 

Two  bitter  enemies  who  chance  to  be  introduced, 
must  treat  each  other  pleasantly  while  in  the  presence, 
or  at  the  house,  of  a  mutual  friend.  It  is  an  insult, 
however,  to  knowingly  introduce  people  who  are  objec- 
tionable to  each  other. 

INTRODUCING  YOURSELF. 

If  you  enter  a  drawing  room  and  are  not  recognized, 
give  your  name  at  once  in  a  quiet,  easy  manner,  and 
inquire  for  the  one  whom  you  wish  to  see,  or  with  whom 
you  are  acquainted,  if  she  is  absent  from  the  room. 
Never,  however,  hand  your  own  card  to  the  hostess.  It 
should  be  sent  in  by  the  servant  if  presented  to  her  at  all. 

INTRODUCTIONS  AT  DINNER  PARTIES. 

At  dinner  parties  gentlemen  should  be  introduced 
on  their  arrival  to  the  ladies  they  are  to  escort  to  the 
dinner  table,  if  not  already  acquainted  with  them,  but 
introductions  never  take  place  at  the  table.  Guests 
chat  freely  without  it. 

INTRODUCTION  FOR  SOLICITING  FAVORS. 

If  you  seek  an  introduction  for  the  purpose  of  ask- 
ing a  favor  it  does  not  entitle  you  to  further  recognition. 

REPELLING  THOSE  LOWER  IN  THE  SOCIAL  SCALE. 

It  is  the  snobbish  person,  who  feels  uncertain  of  her 
position,  who  fears  to  make  the  acquaintance  of  those 
she  considers  below  her  in  the  social  scale.  Those  with 
an  assured  position  know  that  a  mere  bowing  acquaint- 
ance can  do  them  no  harm. 


INTEODUCTIONS. 


27 


ATTITUDE    TOWARDS    OTHER    GUESTS    AT    AN  ACQUAINT- 
ANCE'S HOUSE. 

When  at  the  house  of  a  friend,  a  lady  should  not 
repulse  another  lady  who  speaks  to  her,  even  though 
they  have  never  been  introduced.  Her  presence  at  that 
house  is  sufficient  guarantee  of  her  respectability,  and 
her  advances  should  be  met  pleasantly. 

INTRODUCTIONS  UNNECESSARY  WHEN  TRAVELING. 

A  gentleman  when  traveling  may  render  any  assist- 
ance in  his  power  to  a  lady  without  waiting  for  the 
formality  of  an  introduction.  The  lady  should  thank 
him  politely  if  she  declines  his  assistance,  as  a  simple 
act  of  kindness  demands  such  a  recognition;  but  any  at- 
tempt at  undue  familiarity  may  be  promptly  repulsed. 
A  casual  conversation  between  travelers  gives  neither 
party  any  claim  to  further  acquaintance. 

SPECIAL  INTRODUCTIONS  FOR  CONVENIENCE. 

Such  introductions  as  those  at  a  croquet  or  lawn- 
tennis  party,  or  during  a  drive  or  walk  at  a  watering- 
place,  do  not  involve  further  or  after  recognition  neces- 
sarily, but  to  bow  on  meeting  again  is  more  polite. 

A  hostess'  INTEREST  IN  GUESTS. 

A  hostess  is  in  a  measure  responsible  for  the  pleasure 
of  her  guests  and  she  should  take  pains  to  introduce 
shy  and  diffident  people,  especially  those  who  are  young. 
Their  pleasure  may  depend  on  such  attention. 

INTRODUCTION  OF  GUESTS. 

At  a  dinner  party  in  a  city,  a  distinguished  stranger 
is  introduced  to  all  those  present,  but  otherwise  the 
hostess  makes  no  introductions  before  dinner  except  to 


28 


INTKODUCTIONS. 


introduce  the  gentleman  to  the  lady  he  is  expected  to 
escort  to  the  table.  As  we  have  elsewhere  stated  the 
rule  that  "the  roof  is  an  introduction  "  which  is  gain- 
ing ground,  enables  the  guests  to  chat  pleasantly- 
together.  In  the  country,  however,  a  general  intro- 
duction of  all  the  guests  frequently  takes  place. 

KEQUIREMENTS  OF  A  BALL  ROOM  INTRODUCTION. 

When  a  gentleman  is  introduced  to  a  lady  at  a  ball, 
it  is  presumed  he  will  show  her  some  attention,  and 
either  dance  or  promenade  with  her,  or,  if  they  do  not 
take  the  floor,  talk  to  her  through  one  dance.  Such,  in- 
troductions, however,  necessitate  no  further  acquaint- 
ance unless  mutually  desired. 

STREET  INTRODUCTIONS. 

It  is  not  necessary  to  introduce  a  friend  who  may  be 
accompanying  you  to  the  acquaintances  you  may  chance 
to  meet  on  the  street,  in  the  cars,  etc.  Such  indis- 
criminate introductions  serve  no  good  purpose  and  are 
uncalled  for.  When  given  they  involve  no  further  re- 
cognition. A  gentleman  lifts  his  hat  and  bows  when 
introduced  to  a  lady  on  the  street.  When  accompany- 
ing a  friend  who  enters  into  conversation  with  some 
acquaintance  casually  met,  you  should  give  a  parting 
salutation  on  separating,  the  same  as  your  friend.  This 
is  the  rule  even  if  you  were  not  introduced. 

PRESENTING  LETTERS  OF  INTRODUCTION. 

The  one  bearing  a  letter  of  introduction  never  de- 
livers it  in  person  in  England,  but  sends  it  with  his 
card.  The  reverse  is  the  rule  on  the  continent.  In 
America  we  incline  to  the  English  rule  and  a  letter  of 
introduction  may  be  sent  by  mail  accompanied  by  a 


INTRODUCTIONS. 


29 


visiting  card  giving  the  bearer's  address.  .  If  carried  in 
person,  it  should  be  sent  in  with  a  card  by  the  servant 
and  the  bearer  leaves  to  await  a  response.  It  would  be 
considered  indelicate  for  the  bearer  of  a  letter  of  intro- 
duction to  enter  and  be  present  when  the  letter  is  read. 
A  young  man, however,  bearing  a  letter  of  introduction 
to  one  many  years  his  senior,  or  who  is  to  aid  him  in 
some  enterprise,  takes  it  himself  promptly. 

ON  RECEIVING  A  LETTER  OF  INTRODUCTION. 

The  party  receiving  a  letter  of  introduction  should 
call  at  once  on  the  one  introduced;  but  if  it  is  incon- 
venient to  do  so  a  card  should  be  sent,  and  the  bearer  of 
the  letter  is  then  at  liberty  to  call.  It  is  a  compliment 
to  the  sender  of  the  letter  to  show  such  attention  as  may 
be  in  your  power  to  the  one  introduced,  but  to  ignore  a 
letter  of  introduction  is  a  gross  insult. 

A  BUSINESS  LETTER  OF  INTRODUCTION. 

Letters  of  introduction  to  and  from  business  men 
maybe  delivered  by  the  bearers  in  person,  and  etiquette 
does  not  require  the  receiver  to  bestow  any  attention 
socially  upon  the  person  introduced,  but  such  attention 
would  be  a  compliment  to  the  friend  who  sent  the  letter. 

GIVING  LETTERS  OF  INTRODUCTION. 

Letters  of  introduction  should  be  given  with  caution. 
Before  giving  one  it  would  be  well  to  pause  and  ask 
yourself  two  questions  :  First,  have  you  a  right  to  thus 
presume  on  the  friendship  of  the  party  addressed,  and, 
second,  will  the  introduction  be  mutually  pleasant. 
Any  one  with  whom  the  wi'iter  is  but  slightly  acquainted 
should  never  be  thus  endorsed.  No  one  should  ask  a 
friend  or  acquaintance  for  a  letter  of  introduction  if 


30 


INTRODUCTIONS. 


there  is  any  fear  of  thereby  causing  any  embarassment. 
It  is  better  to  politely  decline  to  give  a  letter  of  intro- 
duction by  saying,  "I  really  am  not  well  enough  ac- 
quainted with  Mr.  Jones  to  give  you  a  letter  of  intro- 
duction to  him,  "  or  some  similar  remark,  than  to  hazard 
an  imposition  on  a  too  slight  acquaintance.  Certainly  if 
you  suspect  the  character  of  the  one  soliciting  the  letter, 
you  should  decline  to  give  it. 

A  letter  of  introduction  given  for  the  purpose  of 
enabling  any  ohe  to  ask  a  favor,  should  rarely  be  given — 
and  never,  unless  the  party  to  whom  it  is  addressed  is 
under  obligation  to  you. 

A  letter  of  introduction  should  be  left  unsealed,  and 
as  the  bearer  is  at  liberty  to  read  it,  complimentary 
phrases  should  be  used  sparingly.  The  form  for  such  a 
letter  will  be  found  in  the  forms  for  letters  given  later 
on  in  this  work. 

CLAIMS  OF  THOSE  INTRODUCED. 

When  a  formal  introduction  has  taken  place  the  par- 
ties have  a  certain  claim  on  each  other  as  acquaintances. 
The  bow  of  recognition  should  be  exchanged  on  meet- 
ing, but  the  hand  shaking  is  optional.  If  it  is  desired 
to  ripen  the  acquaintance  into  friendship  a  certain 
amount  of  cordiality  should  be  shown,  but  even  if  one 
of  the  parties  wishes  to  prevent  the  acquaintance  from 
going  further,  a  bow  should  not  be  refused.  A  direct 
cut  is  rarely  advisable  unless  there  is  some  strong 
reason  for  it.  There  are  other  ways  of  checking  an 
undesirable  acquaintance,  less  rude  and  quite  as  effective. 


SALUTATIONS. 


T  would  be  an  interesting  study  to  trace  the  or- 
igin and  development  of  our  various  forms 
of  salutation,  and  also  those  which  are  ob- 
served by  the  other  nations  of  the  earth. 
Many  of  the  forms  of  salutation  seem  to 
have  had  their  origin  in  acts  of  worship, 
and  each  nation  has  its  own  peculiar  forms, 
some  of  which  are  quite  curious.  Among  the 
Laplanders,  friends  salute  by  rubbing  their 
noses  together,  and  the  same  custom  prevails  in  some  of 
the  South  Sea  Islands.  In  some  African  tribes  friends 
greet  each  other  by  rubbing  their  toes  together,  and  in 
some  other  tribes  they  scratch  each  other's  heads.  The 
Chinese  bow  low  and  hospitably  ask  "Have  you  eaten 
your  rice?"  The  Turk,  with  folded  arms,  bends  very  low, 
and  the  Hindoos  nearly  touch  the  ground  with  their  faces. 
The  Bedouin  bestows  his  benediction  with  "God  grant 
you  a  happy  morning,"  and  the  Spaniard  says  "God  be 
with  you,  sir  "  The  Neapolitan  piously  says  "Grow  in 
holiness,"  and  the  Hungarian  "God  keep  you  well,"  while 
the  Egyptians,  says  Heroditus  in  his  day,  would  drop 
their  hands  on  their  knees  and  ask  "  Do  you  sweat  copi-  . 
ously?"  The  German  greets  you  with  a  "How  do  you 
find  yourself?"  and  the  Frenchman  asks  "How  do  you 
carry  yourself?  " 

In  England  and  America  the  usual  forms  of  saluta- 
tion are  the  bow,  shaking  the  hand,  the  kiss  and  the  ver- 
bal salutation. 


SALUTATIONS. 


33 


THE  BOW. 

This  is  the  most  common  salutation  between  acquaint- 
ances, and  the  recognition  should  be  prompt  the  instant 
the  eyes  meet,  and  even  those  whom  you  do  not  like 
should  be  recognized,  as  a  direct  "cut"  is  rarely  advisable. 
Those  but  slightly  acquainted  bow  formally,  but  friends 
accompany  the  bow  with  a  smile  of  recognition. 

An  American  gentleman  bows  to  a  lady  and  lifts  his 
hat  from  his  head,  but  a  foreigner  bows  respectfully  and 
raises  the  hat  slightly. 

A  gentleman  when  bowing  should  lift  his  hat  slightly 
fi'om  his  head.  To  merely  touch  the  rim  of  his  hat,  or 
make  a  gesture  toward  it,  is  not  the  correct  form.  But 
while  the  hat  should  be  lifted  slightly  it  should  not  be 
carried  away  from  the  head  with  an  ostentatious  flourish. 
A  slight  inclination  of  the  head  at  the  time  the  hat  is 
lifted  should  occur,  but  the  body  need  not  be  bent. 
Ladies  give  a  glance  of  recognition  and  bow  the  head 
merely.  The  degree  of  friendship  may  be  easily  indi- 
cated by  the  manner  of  the  greeting — friends  receiving 
a  cordial  smile,  and  acquaintances  only  a  formal  bow. 

A  bow  does  not  necessarily  imply  a  calling  acquaint- 
ance, nor  any  additional  intercourse.  To  omit  or  ignore 
it,  however,  would  subject  one  to  the  suspicion  of  being 
ill-bred  or  wanting  in  gentlemanly  instincts. 

A  lady's  bow  should  be  returned  under  all  circum- 
stances. If  the  acquaintance  is  not  desired,  it  is  better  to 
turn  the  head,  or  avoid  meeting  her,  than  to  give  her  a 
direct  cut. 

If  a  person  you  do  not  recognize  bows,  return  it  at 
once,  as  it  may  be  some  one  you  have  forgotten,  or  you 
may  have  been  mistaken  for  some  one  you  resemble, 
and  you  can  lose  nothing  by  returning  the  bow. 

If  a  friend  is  met  several  times  while  riding,  driving, 


34 


SALUTATIONS. 


or  walking,  a  bow  is  only  required  at  the  first  meeting; 
after  that,  a  look  or  smile  is  all  the  recognition  needed. 

A  gentleman  lifts  his  hat  when  passing  a  funeral 
cortege  or  a  group  of  mourners. 

It  is  a  mark  of  politeness  for  a  gentleman  to  lift  his 
hat  when  tendering  his  services  to  a  lady,  though  a 
stranger  to  him,  and  also  when  a  lady  asks  him  for  infor- 
mation or  assistance. 

When  smoking,  a  gentleman  removes  the  cigar  from 
his  mouth  before  bowing  to  a  lady,  and  if  his  hand  is 
in  his  pocket  he  takes  it  out.  Gentlemen,  however, 
should  not  carry  their  hands  in  their  pockets — it  is  not 
good  form. 

When  walking  with  a  lady  a  gentleman  returns  all 
bows  made  to  her,  whether  he  is  acquainted  with  the 
parties  who  bow  or  not,  A  gentleman  walking  with  a 
friend  bows  when  he  does,  even  though  unacquainted  with 
the  lady  saluted. 

A  gentleman  meeting  a  lady  in  a  doorway  or  corridor, 
bows  and  lifts  his  hat  as  he  offers  her  precedence,  or 
opens  the  door  for  her. 

In  America  and  England  the  rule  has  been  that  a 
gentleman  should  wait  for  a  lady  to  bow  first,  but  on  the 
continent  the  opposite  rule  prevails  and  gentlemen  offer 
the  first  salute.  Some  authorities  are  trying  to  introduce 
the  same  custom  here,  and  it  would  seem  better  that 
either  party  should  bow  at  once  on  recognizing  an  ac- 
quaintance, but  the  American  rule  for  the  gentlemen  to 
wait  for  the  lady  to  bow  first,  is  still  generally  ob- 
served. 

A  gentleman  driving,  whose  hands  are  occupied  with 
the  reins,  need  not  try  to  raise  or  touch  his  hat ;  a  bow 
of  the  head  is  then  sufiicient  salute  to  a  lady.  If  on 
horseback,  the  reins  may  be  held  in  the  left  hand,  and 
the  hat  lifted  with  the  right. 


SALUTATIONS. 


85 


The  bow  of  a  servant,  or  one  considered  lower  in  the 
social  scale,  should  be  returned  politely.  It  is  related 
that  AVashington,  on  returning  an  old  negro's  greeting 
with  one  of  his  politest  bows,  said  he  did  not  wish  a 
negro  to  out-do  him  in  politeness. 

In  sparsely  settled  localities  the  habit  of  bowing  to 
every  one  met,  is  a  very  pleasant  one. 

SHAKING  HANDS. 

Shaking  hands  is  the  English  and  American  greeting 
expressing  cordiality.  For  this  reason  formal  acquaint- 
ances merely  bow,  while  friends  shake  hands.  If  the  hand 
is  offered  at  all  by  either  a  gentleman  or  lad}^  it  should 
be  given  cordially.  To  extend  only  the  tips  of  the  fingers, 
or  to  present  the  hand  in  a  lifeless  manner,  is  almost  an 
insult.  It  indicates  indifference.  To  squeeze  the  hand 
hard,  or  retain  it  long,  is  rude.  The  proper  way  is  to 
give  a  cordial  shake  and  then  relinquish  the  grasp.  The 
right  hand  is  always  used  in  shaking  hands.  When 
necessary  to  offer  the  left,  it  is  extended  with  an  apology. 

Young  ladies  extend  the  hand  with  more  reserve 
than  married  ladies,  and  as  a  rule  only  extend  their 
hands  to  those  admitted  to  the  inner  circle  of  friend- 
ship. 

Do  not  shake  hands  at  a  ball-room  introduction,  as 
that  is  given  only  to  provide  a  partner  for  the  dance,  and 
not  to  establish  friendship.  On  receiving  a  formal  in- 
troduction bow  merely  without  shaking  hands. 

A  lady  rises  to  extend  her  hand,  and  a  gentleman 
always  rises  on  being  introduced,  of  course. 

A  married  lady,  at  her  own  house,  extends  her  hand 
to  all  guests.  On  being  introduced  to  a  gentleman  the 
hand  is  offered  if  he  is  presented  by  a  warm  friend,  or 
if  he  comes  especially  recommended. 


86 


SALUTATIONS. 


Gentlemen  wait  for  ladies  to  extend  the  hand  first, 
and  the  younger  wait  for  the  older  persons  to  make  the 
first  advance. 

Kid  gloves  are  not  removed  in  shaking  hands,  nor  is 
any  apology  necessary  in  retaining  them ;  only  coarse  or 
heavy  gloves  need  to  be  removed.  The  custom  of  re- 
moving the  glove  arose  in  the  days  of  chivalry  when  the 
knight  removed  his  heavy  gauntlet  before  grasping  a 
lady's  hand,  as  a  failure  to  remove  the  gauntlet  might 
hurt  her  hand.  The  custom  of  removing  the  glove  is 
now  obsolete,  and  so  is  the  apology  "  Excuse  my 
glove." 

KISSING. 

Many  curious  speculations  have  been  advanced  by 
scientists  as  to  the  origin  of  kissing.  It  seems  probable 
that  it  originated  among  the  lower  animals  in  the 
pleasure  derived  from  the  touch  or  contact  of  two  kindred 
natures,  and  it  has  developed  with  the  progress  of  the 
race. 

But  whatever  its  origin,  the  kiss  is  emphatically  the 
language  of  affection,  and  as  all  public  displays  of  affec- 
tion are  regarded  as  ridiculous,  people  of  refinement 
shrink  from  them.  This  is  the  rule,  at  least,  among  the 
demure  Anglo-Saxons,  but  with  the  French  and  Ger- 
mans more  latitude  is  allowed,  and  men  kiss  one  another 
in  both  public  and  private.  In  England  the  custom 
appears  to  have  been  more  in  vogue  a  few  centuries  ago 
than  at  present,  for  a  Greek  writer  who  visited  that 
Island  some  four  or  five  centuries  ago,  wrote:  "As  for 
English  females  and  children  their  customs  are  liberal 
in  the  extreme.  When  a  visitor  calls  at  a  friend's  house 
his  first  act  is  to  kiss  his  friend's  wife."  And  Erasmus, 
who  was  so  prominent  in  the  Reformation,  wrote:  "The 
English  have  a  custom  which  can  never  be  sufficiently 


SALUTATIONS 


37 


commended.  On  your  arrival  you  are  welcomed  "^ith 
kisses;  on  your  departure  you  are  sent  off  with  kisses;  if 
you  retuim,  the  embraces  are  repeated  ;  wherever  you 
meet  you  are  gi'eeted  with  a  kiss;  which  ever  way  youtuim 
there  is  nothing  but  kissing."  The  fashion  of  kissing  is 
now  out  of  date  among  men  hov/ever,  and  among  women 
the  custom  of  kissing  in  public  is  becoming  less  and  less 
general.  Among  relatives  and  near  fi^iends  on  special 
occasions,  such  as  returning  home  from  a  jouimey,  such 
gi'eetings  are  allowed,  but  with  certain  rare  exceptions  it 
is  generally  felt  that  kissing  in  public  displays  both  a 
want  of  delicacy  and  a  want  of  sense. 

So  great  is  the  change  in  public  sentiment  on  this 
subject  that  it  is  now  held  by  many  that  the  prudent  and 
modest  maiden  should  not  even  allow  her  lover,  (  even 
after  their  engagement),  to  kiss  her.  Not  until  after 
marriage  should  such  a  favor  be  granted.  Engagements 
are  often  broken  off  and  no  privileges  should  be  gTanted 
which,  in  case  of  such  an  occurrence,  could  cause  the 
lady  any  regrets. 

It  is  now  believed  that  some  contagious  diseases,  like 
diptheria.  are  often  conveyed  by  a  kiss,  and  for  this 
reason  the  promiscuous  kissing  among  childi'en  and 
women  is  to  be  deplored.  Childi'en  are  not  only  encoui'- 
aged  to  kiss  indiscriminately,  but  they  are  often  obliged 
to  do  so  against  their  own  will.  It  is  altogether  prob- 
able that  this  promiscuous  kissing  will  become  much 
less  common  in  the  future. 

VZEBAL  SALUTATIONS. 

The  words  of  salutation  in  most  common  use  are, 
"  Good  morning,"'  *'  Good  evening,"  '"'How  do  you  do?" 
and  How  are  you?  "  In  greeting  others  a  much  better 
impression  is  produced  by  showing  them  a  certain 


38 


SALUTATIONS. 


amount  of  respect  than  by  undue  familiarity.  The  free 
use  of  nick-names  and  boisterous  greetings  are  liot  re- 
fined, and  should,  therefore,  be  avoided.  A  respectful 
treatment  of  others  is  always  an  evidence  of  good 
breeding. 


INVITATIONS,  ACCEPTANCES  AND 
REGRETS. 


N  modern  society  invitations,  acceptances 
and  regrets  haTe  come  to  be  an  important 
part  of  etiquette.  The  forms  observed  are 
fixed  and  uniform  and  all  should  be  famil- 
iar with  them.  If  they  are  strictly  observed 
many  misunderstandings  and  much  mortifi- 
cation may  be  prevented,  for  to  receive  a 
vague  and  indefinite  invitation  often  leaves 
a  lady  uncertain  about  how  to  dress  and 
how  formal  the  occasion  will  be.  These  uncertainties 
are  very  perplexing  and  often  annoying. 


INVITATIONS. 

For  small  and  informal  dinners  or  other  gatherings, 
invitations  are  often  written  in  the  first  person.  The 
degree  of  intimacy  existing  between  the  host  and  guest 
will  regulate  the  form,  as  is  the  case  in  the  writing  of 
all  notes  and  letters,  but  the  prescribed  forms  given 
hereafter  for  ceremonious  occasions  need  not  be  used  in 
such  cases.  The  length  of  time  in  advance  at  which 
such  invitations  are  sent  out  may  vary  from  ten  to  two 
or  three  days,  according  to  circumstances.  It  is  best, 
however,  to  send  out  invitajtions  a  sufficient  time  in  ad- 
vance, instead  of  waiting  until  the  eleventh  hour;  and, 


40  INVITATIONS,  ACCEPTANCES  AND  KEGEETS. 


again,  it  is  not  best  to  undervalue  your  entertainment, 
and  in  false  humility  assume  less  formality  than  the 
occasion  warrants. 

When  they  are  engraved,  any  good  engraving  firm 
can  give  the  information  desired  about  the  size  of  cards 
and  so  on,  but  the  plainer  and  simpler  the  style  the 
more  elegant.  Many  ladies,  however,  prefer  to  write 
their  own  invitations,  and  it  is  always  in  good  taste  to 
do  so.     The  following  is  the  formula  universally  used  : 


For  other  entertainments  the  words  "  at  dinner" 
may  be  omitted,  and  the  words  "Music,"  "Dancing," 
Readings  and  Becitations,"  "  Garden  Party,"  or  what- 
ever the  entertainment  is,  written  or  engraved  in  the 
lower  left  hand  corner. 

The  initials  R.  S.  V.  P.  are  an  abbreviation  of  the 
Prench  words  Repondez  sHl  vous  plait,  meaning  "Reply 
if  you  please."  Many  people,  however,  write  instead 
the  English  words,  "  The  favor  of  an  answer  is  re- 
quested."   Either  form  is  proper,  but  the  latter  is  usual 


IXTITATIOXS,  ACCEPTAXCES  AXD  EEGEETS 


41 


:n  England.  For  various  other  abbreviations  used  in 
notes,  etc.,  see  our  chapter  on  letter  writing  further  on 
in  this  book. 

The  expression  "  presents  compliments  "  which  was 
once  used  is  now  obsolete. 

An  invitation  should  always  indicate  in  some  way 
the  character  o£  the  entertainment,  so  that  the  guests 
may  know  how  to  dress,  and  whether  they  care  to  attend 
at  all  or  not.  Be  careful  to  write  the  names  and  dates 
very  plainly,  and  be  as  explicit  as  is  consistent  with 
politeness. 

A  sheet  of  fine  white,  rather  heavy  paper,  unruled, 
and  folded  once,  should  be  used  both  in  writing  and  in 
answering  invitations.  Euled  paper  is  thought  to  look 
cheap,  and  is  not  good  form.  The  envelopes  should  be 
plain  white,  and  should  match  the  paper  in  size.  If  the 
invitation  is  sent  by  mail  two  envelopes  should  be  used. 
The  one  inside  bears  the  name  only,  and  the  one  outside 
has  the  full  adcbess — sti'eet  and  number.  Then  when 
the  outer  envelope  is  removed  it  leaves  the  inner  one 
clean  and  fresh.  The  paper  may  have  a  coat  of  arms  or 
monogram  embossed  in  white,  but  colored  designs  are 
now  out  of  date.  Fancy  designs  on  the  paper  are  in  bad 
taste,  and  nothing  is  better  than  plain  white.  Fancy 
colored  papers  are  not  now  used.  If  cards  are  used 
instead  of  paper  they  should  be  heawv'  and  plain  white. 

Never  confuse  the  first  and  third  person  in  sending 
out  invitations.  For  an  informal  dinner,  notes  are  now 
often  sent  in  the  first  person,  but  for  all  formal  occa- 
sions the  third  person  is  used,  and  it  must  be  used 
uniformly  all  through  the  invitation.  Also  be  careful  of 
the  spacing,  etc.,  thus: — the  "Mr.  and  Mrs.  Brown"  must 
all  be  on  one  line,  and  never  separated  even  in  written 
notes. 

The  term  '"Honorable"  should  never  be  used  in  an 


42  INVITATIONS,  ACCEPTANCES  AND  EEGRETS. 

invitation — it  can  only  be  used  in  the  address  on  the 
envelope. 

The  rule  that  not  more  than  three  persons  from  the 
same  family  should  be  invited  to  the  same  entertain- 
ment is  quite  well  established — some  would  even  limit 
it  to  two,  but  three  is  the  usual  rule. 

Many  society  ladies  given  to  entertaining  have  en- 
graved forms  on  hand,  with  the  names  and  date  blank, 
to  be  filled  in  when  wanted.  They  are  found  very  con- 
venient and  save  much  time  to  the  sender  of  the  invi- 
tations.   The  following  is  the  form: 


^l-l  €i€^7'Z^€4'  <^  i:^/ S 


An  invitation  to  a  dinner  or  wedding  is  always  issued 
in  the  name  of  both  host  and  hostess.  If  the  host  is  a 
widower  his  name  appears  alone  on  an  invitation  to  din- 
ner, unless  he  has  a  daughter  old  enough  to  preside  over 
his  household,  in  which  case  her  name  may  appear  in 
connection  with  his  own.  In  England  an  invitation  to 
dinner  is  the  only  one  in  which  the  names  of  host  and 
hostess  both  appear,  while  in  America  they  are  both  ap- 
pended to  a  wedding  invitation  also. 


INVITATIONS,  ACCEPTANCES  AND  REGRETS.  43 


At  a  garden  party,  a  ball,  an  evening  party,  and  all 
entertainments  except  a  dinner  or  wedding,  the  invi- 
tation is  given  in  the  name  of  the  hostess  alone,  thus  : 


No  lady  ever  invites  guests  to  a  "ball "  or  "a  party" 
at  her  own  house.  These  words  are  in  bad  form  for  such 
occasions,  but  for  a  charity  ball,  or  other  public  affair,  the 
word  "ball"  is  used.  A  lady  simply  says  on  her  invi- 
tation "dancing,"  "cotillon,"  or  whatever  it  may  be. 

For  balls,  evening  parties,  and  all  formal  occasions, 
the  invitations  are  usually  sent  out  about  two  weeks  in 
advance.  For  less  formal  occasions,  shorter  notice  may 
be  given.  People  sometimes  judge  of  the  formality  of 
the  affair  by  the  length  of  time  in  advance  at  which  the 
invitation  is  issued. 

The  rule  has  been  that  invitations  to  dinner,  must 
invariably  be  sent  by  messenger.  All  other  invitations 
may  now  be  sent  by  mail.  In  England,  even  dinner 
invitations  are  sent  by  mail,  and  the  custom  is  so  sensi- 


44  INVITATIONS,  ACCEPTANCES  AND  REGRETS. 

ble  that  it  would  be  well  to  adopt  it  in  this  country. 
The  mail  is  being  used  more  and  more  every  year  for 
sending  invitations,  and  custom  may  soon  sanction  the 
sending  of  dinner  invitations  in  this  way  as  well  as 
others. 

The  following  simple  form  of  invitation  is  very  often 
used  at  present : 


1 

Quadrilles  at  9  o''clock. 

One  authority  says:  "Sometimes  E.  S.  V.  P.  is  ap- 
pended to  an  'At  Home'  card;  but  this  is  an  incorrect 
form  of  invitation,  though  used  occasionally  to  save  time 
and  trouble,"  while  another  very  high  authority  says: 
"  On  all  'At  Home '  cards,  the  letters  E.  S.  V.  P.  are  en- 
graved, and  to  these  answers  should  be  sent  as  soon  as 
possible."  Now  here  is  another  of  those  differences  of 
authority  which  we  have  discussed  at  length  elsewhere, 
as  unsettled  points  of  etiquette.  In  this  case,  if  it  is 
"incorrect"  to  use  the  letters  E.  S.  V.  P.  on  "At  Home" 
cards,  custom  sanctions  it  and  it  is  very  convenient,  so 
that  our  readers  may  safely  use  the  form. 

If  it  is  a  small  informal  affair,  the  word  "Informal" 
may  be  written  in  the  lower  left-hand  corner.  See  also 
what  we  say  about  the  use  of  the  word  informal  in  our 


INVITATIONS,  ACCEPTANCES  AND  EEGEETS.  45 


chapter  on  "Parties,  Receptions  and  other  Gatherings," 
further  on  in  this  work. 

Invitations  to  balls,  evening  parties,  afternoon  con- 
certs, garden  parties,  etc.,  are  now  being  more  and  more 
issued  on  the  "at  home"  cards.  The  name  of  the  one 
invited  may  be  written  in  the  upper  right  hand  corner 
of  the  card,  above  that  of  the  hostess,  thus: 


c 

Music  at  4  d'cloclc. 

Or,  in  place  of  the  music,  "garden  party,"  "dancing," 
or  whatever  the  entertainment  is,  may  be  substituted. 

It  is  never  proper  to  send  out  invitations  in  the  name 
of  the  daughter  alone,  but  for  an  entertainment  for  the 
daughter,  the  name  of  mother  and  daughter  may  appear 
together,  as  "Mrs.  and  Miss  Holt,  at  home,  etc."  If  the 
mother  is  dead,  the  father's  name  may  appear,  as  "Mr. 
and  Miss  Holt,  at  home,  etc."  The  name  of  her  cha- 
perone  may  appear  on  the  invitation  with  that  of  a  young 
lady,  as  "  Mrs.  De  Vincey  and  Miss  Hunt,  at  home,"  etc. 


46  INVITATIONS,  ACCEPTANCES  AND  KEGRETS. 


The  next  form  which  we  give  below  is  now  in  very 
common  use,  but  there  is  really  no  better  form  than  the 
first  one  we  gave  in  this  chapter,  (which  see)  and  to  meet 
an  honored  guest  it  would  read,  "Mrs.  Brownell  requests 
the  pleasure  of  Mr.  and  Mrs.  Sloan's  company,  on  Friday, 
February  4th,  at  4  o'clock,  to  meet  the  Speaker  of  the 
House  and  Mrs.  Carlisle,"  or  '^President  Cleveland,"  or 
"  Judge  Mason,"  or  *'  Miss  Packard,"  or  whoever  it  may 
be.  This  form  has  been  long  in  use  and  many  people 
prefer  it  to  any  other.  We  favor  it  on  the  whole,  but  of 
course  its  use  is  largely  a  matter  of  taste. 

The  invitations  to  meet  distinguished  or  honored 
guests,  to  which  we  have  just  referred,  are  issued  on  the 
"at  home"  cards,  and  the  following  is  the  form: 


These  cards  may  be  enclosed  in  an  envelope  and 
sent  by  mail. 

Always  write  the  name  of  the  distinguished  guest 
above  that  of  the  hostess.  It  is  sometimes  written  below 
the  date  but  the  above  form  seems  much  the  best. 


INVITATIONS,  ACCEPTANCZS  AND  REGBETS. 


47 


A  lady  may  use  her  own  visiting  card  for  a  "kettle- 
drum" or  a  "five  o'clock  tea,"  thus  : 


Gentlemen  never  use  the  "at  home"  form  we  have  pre- 
viously given;  that  is  proper  for  ladies  only.  Club 
members,  bachelors,  army  and  navy  officers,  and  so  on, 
in  issuing  invitations  always  "  request  the  honor  of  Mr. 
and  Mrs.  Strong's  company,"  or  "the  pleasure  of  Mr. 
and  Mrs.  Strong's  company,"  using  the  form  we  give  on 
page  40.  For  a  gentleman  to  send  out  an  "at  home" 
card  would  be  considered  very  stupid. 

The  forms  of  invitation  have  been  long  in  use  and  are 
firmly  established^  so  that  no  deviation  should  be  made. 
Do  not  "hope  to  see  Mr.  and  Mrs.  Hickson"  or  anything 
of  that  kind,  but  stick  to  the  formula  "  requests  the 

pleasure  of  Mr.  company."    A  de\'iation  will  be 

considered  a  sign  of  ignorance  of  the  proper  form. 

Invitations  should  be  issued  to  all  the  guests  in  uni- 
form manner.  Do  not  have  some  written  and  others 
verbal.  Verbal  invitations  are  only  given  for  small  and 
informal  gatherings. 

A  lady  may  properly  request  an  invitation  to  a  ball 
for  a  distinguished  stranger,  or  a  visitor,  or  for  an  unex- 


Five  o'' clock  Tea, 
Tuesday,  November  8th, 


48  INVITATIONS,  ACCEPTANCES  AND  EEGEETS. 

ceptionable  young  man  who  is  a  good  dancer,  but  she 
should  not  presume  too  far  on  the  hospitality  of  the 
hostess,  nor  feel  offended  if  refused,  as  the  hostess  may 
have  more  demands  than  she  can  meet.  Invitations  for 
a  married  couple  should  rarely  be  solicited — and  never  if 
they  reside  in  the  same  town. 

Invitations  must  always  include  both  husband  and 
wife,  if  an  invitation  is  sent  to  either,  except  to  those 
gatherings  which  are  confined  to  either  gentlemen  or 
ladies.  Thus  a  wife  might  be  invited  to  the  house  of  a 
lady  friend  to  meet  a  few  ladies  only,  but  if  any  gentle- 
men at  all  are  invited,  the  husband  must  always  be  in- 
cluded in  the  invitation.  If  he  never  goes  into  society 
he  may  decline,  but  he  must  be  favored  with  an  invi- 
tation just  the  same. 

Invitations  should  be  sent  to  those  in  mourning  the 
same  as  to  other  people,  except  during  the  first  month  of 
their  bereavement  when  their  grief  is  not  intruded  upon. 
The  invitation  will  be  declined  of  course,  but  it  shows 
that  they  are  not  forgotten.  Do  not  blunder,  however, 
and  send  an  invitation  to  the  dead.  Such  mistakes  are 
occasionally  made,  but  they  are  always  awkward. 

If  any  one  who  is  uninvited,  by  any  mistake  attends 
an  entertainment,  the  host  and  hostess  should  receive 
him  with  the  utmost  courtesy,  and  not  by  word  or  act 
suggest  that  his  presence  is  an  intrusion.  No  one  with 
any  breeding,  however,  would  knowingly  attend  an  en- 
tertainment without  an  invitation,  and  although  the 
hostess  might  be  very  polite  at  the  time,  it  would  be 
very  apt  to  be  heard  of  afterwards,  unless  it  was  an 
unintentional  mistake,  in  which  case  it  would  be  over- 
looked of  course. 

When  there  is  a  family  of  several  members,  the 
question  often  arises  about  how  many  invitations  to 
send.    The  best  rule  would  seem  to  be  to  let  one  invi- 


INVITATIONS,  ACCEPTANCES  AND  REGEETS.  49 

tation  include  both  husband  and  wife,  (address  "Mr. 
and  Mrs.  Cole  "  )  which  is  always  ruleable;  send  another 
to  the  daughters  addressed  to  the  "  Misses  Cole,"  which 
includes  two  , or  more,  and  another  may  be  sent  to  the 
brothers,  if  there  are  several,  addressed  to  the  "  Messrs. 
Cole."  An  invitation  may  be  sent  to  "  Miss  Cole  and 
Brother,"  if  there  is  only  one  son  and  one  daughter,  but 
to  invite  the  "Misses  Cole  and  Brothers"  is  not  con- 
sidered in  the  best  form.  If  there  is  only  one  child,  one 
invitation  may  be  sent  to  the  husband  and  wife,  and 
another  to  the  child.  It  is  not  deemed  correct  to  send 
only  one  invitation  to  include  a  whole  family,  as  for 
example,  "Mr.  Cole  and  Family,"  nor  is  it  best  to  send  a 
separate  invitation  to  each  member  of  a  large  family. 
There  is  some  variety  of  usage  on  these  minor  points, 
but  we  have  indicated  the  most  approved  custom. 

When  inviting  friends  to  come  for  a  visit,  the  old 
general  and  vague  invitations  are  not  used  in  society  at 
present,  but  instead  an  invitation  is  given  to  come  at  a 
certain  time  and  the  length  of  the  visit  is  stated.  "  I  shall 
be  glad  to  have  you  come  on  Tuesday,  August  5.  and  stay 
a  week,"  would  be  good  form.  General  invitations  may, 
however,  be  used  in  the  country,  or  where  they  do  not 
cause  inconvenience. 

ACCEPTANCES  AND  EEGEETS. 

Remember  that  an  invitation  to  dinner  is  the  most 
marked  social  compliment,  so  do  not  stint  your  politeness 
in  replying.  To  answer  on  a  visiting  card  is  rude  in  the 
extreme.  Nothing  short  of  a  note  in  the  regular  form 
will  suitably  answer  such  an  invitation.  Do  not  simply 
"decline,"  nor  merely  send  "  regrets  "  in  response  to  an 
invitation,  but  give  your  reasons  for  not  accepting.  To 
send  "  regrets  "  merely,  is  very  abrupt  and  rude.  Do  not 
abbreviate  in  writing  either  acceptances  or  regrets,  but 


50  INVITATIONS,  ACCEPTANCES  AND  REGRETS. 


follow  the  style  and  form  of  the  invitation  in  answering. 
To  say  "an  invite"  for  ''an  invitation"  w^ould  be  a 
horrible  blunder,  and  the  words  "avail "  or  "preclude  " 
are  never  in  good  form,  as  to  say  that  anything  will  "  pre- 
clude your  accepting,"  etc.  Adhere  closely  to  the  forms 
given. 

An  invitation  to  dinner  should  be  answered  promptly, 
(this  is  very  important)  and  either  accepted  or  declined 
positively.  Answer  the  exact  form  of  the  invitation  as 
follows  : 


The  words  "  accept  with  pleasure  the  kind  invitation  " 
are  often  used,  although  "  polite  invitation  "  is  now  pre- 
ferred by  many.  Either  is  proper.  One  writer  states 
that  "kind"  is  "English  you  know,"  while  "polite"  is 
not.  Possibly.  But  "  polite "  has  the  sanction  of  the 
best  American  usage.  So  also  the  form  "  Mr.  and  Mrs. 
Jones  have  great  pleasure  in  accepting,  etc.,"  is  often 
used.  To  write  "  will  accept,"  however,  is  not  correct, 
as  you  either  accept  or  decline  at  the  time  the  answer  is 
written,  so  that  the  present  and  not  the  future  tense 
should  be  used.  Also  accept  the  invitation  "/or  dinner," 
and  not  "  io  dinner,"  or  "  /o  dine." 


INVITATIONS,  ACCEPTANCES  AND  REGBETS. 

Or  if  you  decline  use  the  following  form  : 


51 


(Or  state  whatever  the  cause  may  be.) 

C?^^d.   ^^^ci^U  d 


Never  answer  that  you  "  hope  to  attend; "  or  that  you 
will  attend  "if  you  can;"  or  anything  of  that  kind.  Let 
your  "  yea  be  yea,  and  your  nay,  nay."  If  you  feel  uncer- 
tain about  being  able  to  attend,  the  best  way  is  to  de- 
cline, as  it  may  spoil  the  whole  affair,  if  the  hostess  does 
not  know  who  can  be  certainly  depended  upon. 

In  your  acceptance  of  a  dinner  invitation,  repeat  the 
hour  named,  so  that  if  a  mistake  has  been  made,  it  may 
be  corrected. 

In  accepting  or  declining  other  invitations  than  one 
to  dinner,  of  course  a  similar  form  to  those  given  above 
would  be  used.  Thus  it  might  read:  "Mrs.  Johnson 
regrets  extremely  that  a  previous  engagement  prevents 
her  accepting  Mrs.  Brackett's  kind  invitation  for  Friday 
evening  next,"  or  "prevents  her  accepting  Mrs.  Brackett's 
polite  invitation  for  the  garden  party  on  Friday  next,"  or 
"the  musicale,"  or  whatever  it  may  be.  The  words 
"must  deprive  her  of  the  pleasure  of  accepting,"  etc., 
are  sometimes  used  and  are  good  form.    Sometimes  the 


52  INVITATIONS,  ACCEPTANCES  AND  EEGBETS. 

form  "regrets  extremely  her  inability  to  accept  Mrs. 
Brackett's  polite  invitation,"  is  used,  but  it  is  much 
better  to  give  the  reason,  as  "  absence  from  the  city,"  or 
a  "previous  engagement, "^or  whatever  it  may  be. 

If  you  are  in  doubt  about  whether  an  answer  is  ex- 
pected to  an  invitation  or  not,  it  is  a  pretty  safe  rule  to 
send  one.  There  is  little  danger  of  giving  offense  by 
being  too  polite,  but  to  omit  an  answer  might  cause 
trouble. 

The  answer  should  always  be  addressed  to  the  party 
sending  the  invitation,  whoever  that  may  be.  If  you 
receive  an  invitation  from  "  Mrs.  Williams,"  address  your 
reply  to  "Mrs.  Williams."  If  "  Mr.  and  Mrs.  Crosby  re- 
quest the  pleasure  of  your  company,"  in  replying  accept 
or  decline  "  the  kind  invitation  of  Mr.  and  Mrs.  Crosby," 
and  so  on.  Do  not  allow  your  acquaintance  with  the 
family  to  lead  you  to  violate  this  rule.  Thus,  if  you  re- 
ceive an  invitation  from  "  Mrs.  Crosby,"  and  you  are 
only  acquainted  with  the  daughter,  and  think  she 
prompted  the  invitation,  do  not  address  your  reply  to  the 
daughter,  but  to  "  Mrs.  Crosby."  Any  violation  of  this 
rule  would  be  very  rude. 

Replies  are  usually  sent  by  messenger,  but  to  send 
them  by  mail  is  often  safer  and  better  in  every  way.  The 
safest  rule  is  to  send  your  reply  in  the  same  way  the  in- 
vitation was  sent.  If  that  was  sent  by  messenger,  send 
the  reply  by  messenger — if  by  mail,  reply  by  mail. 

A  prompt  answer  should  be  made  to  all  invitations 
except  receptions,  afternoon  teas  and  "  at  homes," — and 
these  require  no  reply.  Negligence  in  replying  is  un- 
courteous. 

Having  accepted  an  invitation,  punctuality  is  as  im- 
portant in  keeping  it  as  in  keeping  business  engagements. 
To  keep  others  waiting  is  very  rude  and  inconsiderate. 
Nothing  but  sickness  or  death  or  some  most  imperative 


mVITATIONS,  ACCEPTANCES  AND  REGRETS.  53 

reason  should  be  allowed  to  interfere  with  an  invitation 
once  accepted. 

After  an  invitation  to  an  entertainment  has  been  ac- 
cepted, if  unexpected  circumstances  render  it  impossible 
to  attend,  the  hostess  should  be  notified  at  the  earliest 
possible  moment,  so  that  she  may  know  definitely  who  is 
coming.  This  may  be  very  important  to  the  success  of 
her  plans.  If  the  delay  occurs  at  the  last  moment,  a 
card  may  be  sent  by  a  messenger,  followed  the  next 
day  by  a  note  of  explanation.  She  will  then  have  more 
time  to  attend  to  it  than  during  the  excitement  and  pre- 
occupation of  the  entertainment. 

When  people  who  are  in  mourning  receive  an  invi- 
tation, they  simply  send  regrets,  but  do  not  plead  any 
previous  engagement  or  make  further  explanations. 
They  then  send  their  visiting  cards  with  black  borders 
by  mail  enclosed  in  two  envelopes,  which  sufficiently  in- 
dicates why  the  invitation  was  not  accepted,  and  these 
cards  also  serve  instead  of  a  personal  call.  The  cards 
may  be  sent  the  day  of  the  entertainment,  and  should  be 
the  same  in  number  as  in  making  a  personal  call. 

There  are  a  few  French  phrases  and  abbreviations 
sometimes  used  in  notes  and  invitations,  and  for  an  ex- 
planation of  these  see  the  article  on  letters  and  letter 
writing  further  on  in  this  volume. 

When  you  receive  the  first  invitation  from  any  one,  a 
courteous  response  should  be  made,  cards  left  and  the 
proferred  civility  properly  recognized,  even  if  the  ac- 
quaintance is  not  desired.  Having  shown  your  own 
breeding  by  properly  acknowledging  the  invitation  the 
acquaintance  may  be  dropped. 


CARDS. 


OTHING  better  shows  the  standing  of  ladies 
or  gentlemen,  or  their  familiarity  with  the 
usages  of  the  best  society,  than  their  use 
of  cards.  The  quality  of  the  card,  its  size 
and  style,  the  hour  and  manner  in  which 
it  is  left — all  these  convey  a  silent  message 
to  the  experienced  eye  which  indicates  the 
character  of  the  caller.  In  the  present  con- 
dition of  society  it  is  almost  impossible  to 


do  without  cards.  Savages  do  not  use  them,  nor  do 
coarse  and  uncultivated  people,  but  they  mark  a  high 
order  of  development.    Their  use  should  be  studied. 

There  has  been  less  change  in  cards  within  the  last 
fifty  or  one  hundred  years  than  in  almost  any  other  of 
the  usages  of  society. 

THE  FOEXS  AND  STYLES  OF  CARDS. 

The  card  should  be  printed  on  the  best  of  card-board, 
but  it  should  be  plain,  unglazed,  and  without  gilt  edges 
— those  styles  being  out  of  date.  The  plain  script  letter, 
without  flourishes,  is  the  most  graceful  and  finished  of 
cards,  the  old  English,  German  text  and  other  fancy 
letters  being  no  longer  used  by  the  best  society.  The 
engraved  cards  are  in  every  way  preferable  to  the 
printed  ones,  although  these  are  used  by  some  for 
economy's  sake.  The  best  taste  does  not  countenance 
the  printing  of  a  fac-simile  of  one's  autograph.  Written 
cards  are  not  so  elegant  or  refined  as  the  plain  engraved 
script.  The  size  should  be  neither  too  large  nor  too  small, 
but  a  gentleman's  card  is  a  little  smaller  than  that  of  a 
lady.  A  visiting  card  should  not  bear  a  business  address. 


56 


CARDS. 


To  have  a  photograph  or  any  figure  or  ornament  on  a 
card  is  coarse  and  vulgar. 

The  old  form  of  engraving  the  name  of  both  husband 
and  wife,  as  for  example,  ^'  Mr.  and  Mrs.  John  Smead," 
on  the  same  card,  is  now  obsolete.  The  husband  and 
wife  each  has  a  separate  card. 

The  names  of  mother  and  daughter  are  often  engraved 
on  the  same  card,  as  : 


or,  if  there  is  more  than  one  daughter  it  may  be  "  The 
Misses  Hoyt."  It  is  now  claimed  by  some  of  the  stricter 
people  that  during  the  first  year  of  her  entrance  into 
society,  a  young  lady  should  never  leave  her  card  with- 
out that  of  her  mother  or  chaperon,  but  American 
etiquette  is  not  as  strict  as  the  English  on  this  point. 

The  rule  is  absolute  that  young  ladies  use  the  prefix 
"  Miss,''  as  "  Miss  Lucy  Hoyt,"  and  never  "Lucy  Hoyt." 
A  nickname  should  never  be  used  on  a  card.  Thus  it 
would  be  very  bad  form  to  have  a  card  "  Miss  Mamie 
Briggs."  Either  the  initials  or  the  full  name  may  be 
used,  but  the  full  name  is  now  the  fashion,  as  "  Miss  Clara 
Louise  Howard."  The  oldest  unmarried  daughter,  when 
there  are  several,  occasionally  uses  simply  the  form  ''Miss 
Briggs,"  but  if  there  are  two  or  more  branches  of  the 
family,  this  privilege  belongs  exclusively  to  the  oldest 
daughter  of  the  oldest  branch. 


CAKDS. 


57 


A  married  woman  should  always  use  the  prefix  Mrs." 
and  her  husband's  initials  instead  of  her  own,  as  "  Mrs. 
J.  W.  Briggs."  This  is  the  American  rule,  but  the 
European  custom  sanctions  the  use  of  the  lady's  own 
name  more  often  than  the  American.  The  simple  form 
^'  Mrs.  Yolkmeyer  "  is  sometimes  used  when  an  uncom- 
mon name  is  possessed,  but  if  there  are  two  or  more 
branches  to  the  family,  this  privilege  belongs  only  to  the 
wife  of  the  oldest  member  of  the  oldest  branch. 

After  the  death  of  the  husband  the  widow  often  con- 
tinues to  use  his  initials,  but  if  there  is  a  son  or  other 
person  bearing  the  same  name,  which  may  cause  confu- 
sion, it  is  often  better  to  use  her  own  name,  as  "  Mrs. 
Lucy  Bowen."  Sentiment  in  part  rules  in  her  choice  of 
her  own  or  her  husband's  name  after  his  death. 

The  address,  that  is  the  street  and  number,  but  not 
the  town,  may  be  engraved  on  cards,  and  usually  in  the 
right  hand  lower  corner.  If  a  lady  has  a  reception  day, 
it  is  often  engraved  in  the  left  hand  corner.  Young 
ladies  often  omit  the  address,  and  some  authorities 
strongly  advise  this,  claiming  that  in  some  cities  the  giv- 
ing of  the  address  is  reserved  to  the  demi-monde,  and 
young  ladies  should  not  render  themselves  liable  to 
criticism.  Married  ladies  can  leave  their  husband's  card, 
bearing  the  address,  with  their  own,  and  then  the 
address  on  their  card  is  not  needed.  Customs  vary  in 
these  respects  in  different  cities.  A  young  lady  may 
write  her  address  with  a  pencil  on  her  card,  if  she  wishes 
to  give  that  to  any  one,  and  it  is  not  engraved  thereon. 

A  gentleman  may  have  his  address  engraved  on  his 
card,  and  he  may  or  may  not  use  the  prefix  "  Mr."  as  he 
prefers.  "  Mr.  Clay"  and  "  Mr.  AVebster  "  was  the  simple 
form  used  by  those  distinguished  statesmen.  The  full 
name  is  advisable  as  a  rule,  however,  as  J ohn  W. 
Holden,"  but  at  present  the  prefix  "  Mr."  is  considered  a 


58 


CARDS. 


little  better  form  by  young  men  of  fashion,  as  "Mr.  John 
W.  Holden." 

No  titles  are  used  in  America  save  military,  naval  or 
judicial  ones,"  says  a  high  authority,  but  physicians  are 
allowed  to  use  the  prefix  "Dr."  or  the  affix  "M.  D.,"  as 
"  Dr.  John  Brown  "  or  "John  Brown,  M.  D.,"  the  latter 
being  preferable.  A  clergyman,  a  judge,  or  an  army  or 
navy  officer,  may  use  his  title  on  his  card,  but  militia  or 
complimentary  titles  or  coats-of-arms  are  not  allowable 
on  visiting  cards.  ^ 

A  military  card  would  be  : 


When  a  young  lady  has  a  regular  reception  day,  her 
card  may  be  as  follows: 


CARDS.  ^  59 

A  good  form  for  a  gentleman  would  be. 


And  a  married  lady's  card  would  be: 


A  good  professional  card  would  be  : 


Office  ho  urs  2  to  5  P.M.  ^/ 


60 


CARDS. 


The  varieties  of  business  cards  are  almost  endless, 
and,  of  course,  we  cannot  attempt  to  give  such  forms  in 
a  work  of  this  character. 

p.  p.  C.  CARDS. 

When  leaving  town  for  a  protracted  absence  P.  P.  0. 
cards  are  sent  out,  but  they  are  not  sent  now,  as  formerly, 
when  leaving  for  a  short  absence  only — as  for  a  trip  to  the 
sea  shore.  The  initials  P.  P.  C,  stand  for  the  French 
words  Pour  prendre  conge  (meaning  to  take  leave)  and 
are  always  in  the  lower  right  hand  corner  of  the  card, 
and  in  capitals.  It  is  an  evidence  of  ignorance  to  use 
the  small  letters,  p.  p.  c.  The  initials  P.  D.  A.,  {Pour 
dire  adieu )  mean  the  same,  but  they  are  not  often  used. 
These  cards  may  be  sent  by  mail,  indeed  cards  are  being 
sent  more  and  more  by  mail  every  year. 

TURNING  DOWN  CARDS. 

It  was  formerly  the  custom  to  turn  down  a  corner  of 
the  card  to  indicate  that  the  call  was  made  in  person,  but 
that  fashion  is  almost  obsolete  now.  Turning  down  a 
corner  (usually  the  upper  right  hand  one)  indicates  that 
the  call  was  made  on  more  than  one  person,  and  folding- 
it  across  the  end  (usually  the  right  end)  or  middle  in- 
dicates that  a  personal  call  was  made.  In  calling  on 
old-school  ladies  accustomed  to  this  practice,  it  may  still 
be  observed,  but  it  is  very  unusual  at  present.  Another 
authority  says,  that  leaving  a  card  with  a  corner  turned 
indicates  that  its  owner  left  it  in  person,  and  turning 
the  edges  indicates  that  the  call  was  intended  for  the 
young  ladies,  as  well  as  the  mistress  of  the  house.  As 
our  readers  will  see,  the  observances  are  not  uniform — 
and  they  are  going  out  of  date.  Bending  corners  to  in- 
dicate condolence,  etc.,  has  given  place  to  pencilling  a 
sentence  on  the  card. 


CARDS. 


61 


WHEN  TO  LEAVE  CARDS. 

It  is  now  the  custom  when  attending  an  "  at  home," 
and  on  various  other  occasions,  for  the  visitors  to  leave 
a  card  before  departing.  As  much  uncertainty  seems  to 
exist  in  the  minds  of  some  persons  regarding  the  proper 
occasions  on  which  to  leave  such  cards,  the  following  rule 
may  be  given.  No  card  should  be  left  at  a  dinner-party, 
or  ball,  or  on  any  occasion  when  an  after-call  is  to  be 
made;  but  at  "at  homes"  and  on  other  occasions  when 
the  after-call  is  omitted  cards  may  be  left.  The  cai»d  in 
a  certain  sense  takes  the  place  of  the  after-call. 

HINTS  ON  THE  USE  OF  CARDS. 

If  a  call  happens  to  be  made  on  a  lady's  regular 
reception  day,  it  is  rude  to  leave  a  card  without  entering 
and  inquiring  for  the  hostess.  On  other  days  a  card  may 
be  left  without  making  inquiries. 

In  New  York  and  other  large  cities,  cards  may  now 
be  sent  in  acknowledgment  of  all  invitations  except  those 
to  dinner.  After  a  dinner,  however,  calls  must  always 
be  made  in  person. 

When  the  mother  is  dead  the  father's  name  may 
appear  on  cards  of  invitation  with  that  of  the  daughter. 
Also,  in  such  cases,  the  daughter  may  leave  her  father's 
card  with  her  own  when  calling. 

It  is  not  necessary  to  leave  more  than  two  cards 
when  a  call  is  made — one  for  the  lady  of  the  house  and 
the  other  for  the  rest  of  the  family,  or  if  there  is  a 
stranger  in  the  house,  a  third  may  be  left  for  her.  A  lady 
may,  however,  leave  with  her  own,  the  cards  of  her  hus- 
band and  the  other  gentlemen  of  her  family,  which  is 
now  quite  customary,  and  they  are  left  on  the  hall  table. 
A  few  authorities  insist  that  a  card  should  be  left  for 
each  visitor,  but  the  recent  practice  is  that  given  above. 

In  all  countries  a  card  sent  by  a  messenger  in  an 


62 


CARDS. 


envelope  is  equivalent  to  a  visit.  In  England  cards  sent 
by  mail  are  equivalent  to  a  visit,  and  if  Americans  would 
adopt  the  English  custom  and  send  cards  by  mail  more, 
instead  of  by  messenger,  it  would  be  better.  After  at- 
tending a  dinner,  however,  to  send  a  card  is  not  enough 
— a  personal  call  must  be  made. 

In  making  the  first  calls  of  the  season  (in  the 
autumn)  a  card  should  be  left  at  each  call  made.  These 
cards  can  be  referred  to  in  making  out  lists  of  invita- 
tions afterwards,  and  they  prevent  the  awkwardness  of 
forgetting  who  has  called.  Frequently,  especially  in 
New  York,  cards  are  left  upon  the  hall  table  when  an 
ordinary  call  is  made,  and  it  serves  as  a  convenient  remin- 
der of  the  visit. 

When  a  gentleman  calls  and  the  ladies  are  at  home, 
he  does  not  send  up  a  card  but  gives  his  name  to  the 
servant,  if  he  is  well  known.  Otherwise  he  sends  up  his 
card.  When  there  is  one  member  of  the  family  in  par- 
ticular on  whom  a  gentleman  wishes  to  call,  he  can  say 
to  the  servant,  "  Take  my  card  to  Miss  Williams,"  and 
he  can  add,  "I  should  like  to  see  all  the  ladies,  if  they  are 
at  home." 

Invitations  to  teas,  readings,  small  parties  and  other 
informal  entertainments  may  be  written  on  the  visiting 
card  and  sent  by  mail.    The  following  is  the  form  : 


Lawn  Tennis, 
August  5th,  at  3  P.  M. 


CARDS.  63 

Figures  may  be  used  for  the  date  and  hour.  The 
letters  R.  S.  V.  P.  should  be  added  if  an  answer  is 
desired. 

Strangers  in  a  city  send  cards  by  mail  to  friends  they 
wish  to  have  call  on  them. 

When  one  married  lady  calls  upon  another,  whether 
admitted  or  not,  she  leaves  two  of  her  husband's  cards, 
one  for  the  lady  of  the  house  and  the  other  for  her  hus- 
band. 

Those  who  are  in  mourning  have  a  black  border  on 
their  cards.  Cards  should  be  left  on  people  in  mourning, 
but  those  not  intimate  friends,  should  only  make 
inquiries  at  the  door  without  seeking  admittance. 

In  calling  at  a  private  house,  it  is  not  etiquette  to 
write  on  your  card  the  name  of  the  lady  for  whom  it  is 
intended,  as  the  servant  is  expected  to  remember  that. 
This  should  only  be  done  at  hotels  where  it  may  aid 
the  servant's  memory. 

A  business  card  should  never  be  used  in  making  a 
call. 

When  attending  a  reception,  cards  are  left  in  the  hall 
on  entering,  as  they  enable  the  lady  to  know  who  has 
called  without  over-burdening  her  memory,  which  in 
large  receptions  would  be  a  difficult  task. 

Where  a  chaperon,  other  than  the  mother,  introduces 
a  young  lady  into  society  their  cards  are  left  together,  to 
notify  those  on  whom  they  call  that  they  will  be  insepar- 
able during  the  season. 

The  use  of  a  card  case  by  a  gentleman  is  considered 
foppish.  He  carries  his  cards  loose  in  his  pocket,  or  in 
the  neat  little  leather  pocket  books  for  cards  now  com- 
ing into  use. 

When  a  lady  changes  her  residence  she  leaves  cards, 
bearing  her  new  address,  on  all  her  acquaintances. 
They  may  be  sent  by  mail  to  those  on  whom  she  made  the 


64 


CARDS. 


last  call,  and  for  those  to  whom  she  owes  a  visit,  cards 
may  be  left  without  seeking  to  enter.  Those  not  caring 
to  continue  the  acquaintance  are  thus  relieved  of  the 
necessity  of  making  a  personal  call  in  return. 

About  three  weeks  before  marriage  a  young  lady 
leaves  her  card,  together  with  that  of  her  mother  or 
chaperon,  in  person,  but  without  entering,  but  both  the 
names  should  not  be  on  the  same  card  as  previously,  as 
she  is  about  starting  an  independent  home  of  her  own. 

Some  place  for  receiving  cards,  usually  the  hall  table, 
should  be  arranged,  and  the  servant  should  leave  them 
there  until  the  mistress  has  examined  them.  If  any  of 
those  left  are  designed  for  a  visitor,  the  number  left  will 
indicate  it. 

When  a  lady  calls  on  another  with  whom  she  is  ac- 
quainted she  gives  her  name  to  the  servant  but  does  not 
send  up  her  card  if  the  lady  is  at  home.  When  the  lady 
is  in  the  drawing-room  receiving,  in  very  stylish  homes, 
the  servant  announces  the  name  of  each  visitor. 

Wedding  cards  are  sent  only  to  those  whose  acquaint- 
ance it  is  desired  to  retain,  and  those  receiving  the  cards 
are  expected  to  call  first  on  the  newly  married  people. 

When  a  bridegroom  sends  his  bachelor  cards  to  his 
acquaintances,  those  who  receive  them  should  accept 
them  as  an  evidence  that  he  wishes  to  continue  their  ac- 
quaintance, and  they  should  call  on  the  bride  within  ten 
days  after  she  becomes  settled  in  her  new  home. 

Business  men,  who  have  little  time  for  calling,  entrust 
their  cards  to  the  ladies  of  their  families,  who  present 
them  in  due  form,  and  thus  maintain  their  position  in 
society.  They  should  never  ignore  the  use  of  cards,  how- 
ever. It  is  never  allowable  for  a  gentleman  to  leave  a 
lady's  card  for  her,  except  when  they  are  presented  for  a 
bereaved  friend. 

One  lady  may  leave  cards,  after  an  entertainment,  for 


CARDS. 


65 


all  the  members  of  her  family  who  were  invited,  and 
thus  save  the  time  of  the  others. 

When  a  call  is  made  on  a  regular  reception  day,  no 
additional  card  is  left  for  a  guest  who  may  be  visiting 
the  house. 

Strict  courtesy  requires  that  cards  should  not  be  left 
for  a  daughter  without  including  the  parents. 

When  cards  are  taken  by  servants  they  receive  them 
on  a  salver  to  avoid  soiling  them  with  their  fingers. 

CARDS    OF    CONGRATULATION,    CONDOLENCE,  COMPLIMENT, 
AND  CEREMONY. 

The  use  of  cards  of  condolence,  congratulation  and 
ceremony  is  constantly  increasing  and  we  offer  a  few  sug- 
gestions in  regard  to  them. 

When  cards  are  sent  to  an  invalid,  it  is  well  for  the 
servant  to  inquire  after  the  person's  health.  English 
books  of  Etiquette  insist  that  such  cards  should  always 
be  left  in  person  and  not  sent  by  a  servant.  This  cer- 
tainly manifests  much  more  interest  for  the  invalid's 
welfare,  and  should  be  done  when  possible. 

Cards  left  duriiig  a  friend's  illness,  or  during  a 
family's  period  of  mourning,  may  have  the  words  "  To 
inquire  "  written  above  the  name.  Only  one  such  card 
need  be  left— it  will  do  for  the  family.  This  is  the 
form  : 


66 


CARDS. 


Mrs.  Sherwood,  in  her  excellent  work  on  "  Manners 
and  Social  Usages,"  tells  of  a  distinguished  lady  of  New 
York,  who,  on  recovering  from  a  severe  illness,  sent 
cards  engraved  as  follows  :  "  Mrs.  presents  her  com- 
pliments and  thanks  for  kind  inquiries,"  to  all  those 
who  had  left  cards  and  inquiries  during  her  illness.  She 
commends  the  idea  as  an  excellent  one  and  suggests  its 
general  adoption,  in  Avhich  we  cannot  do  better  than  to 
join.  If  it  is  not  now  "  the  style  "  there  is  nothing 
against  it,  and  it  may  well  become  so. 

On  recovering  from  an  illness,  or  at  the  end  of  a 
period  of  mourning,  a  card  should  be  sent  to  each  one 
who  has  called  to  inquire  during  the  period  of  seclusion. 
The  words  ''with  thanks  for  kind  inquiries,"  may  be 
written  or  engraved  on  a  visiting  card,  thus  : 


These  cards  may  be  left  in  person  or  sent  by  mail. 

Cards  of  congratulation  sent  by  mail  seem  cold  and 
formal;  they  should  be  left  in  person  when  possible,  and 
accompanied  by  a  hearty  expression  of  good  will. 

Cards  of  ceremony  are  sent  (addressed  always  to  the 
one  who  invited  you)  within  a  week  after  an  entertain- 
ment to  which  you  were  invited;  and  to  those  who  send 
you  an  invitation  to  a  wedding;  and  to  a  lady  on  her 
'day,"  when  she  has  one.    Cards  left  at  a  tea  or  at  a 


CARDS. 


67 


reception,  are  purely  those  of  ceremony,  superseding 
somewhat  the  ceremonious  after-call  formerly  required. 

Parents  now  make  a  formal  notice  of  a  betrothal  by 
leaving  the  cards  of  the  engaged  pair,  with  their  own, 
on  all  the  friends  and  connections  of  the  two  families. 
On  receiving  these  cards  a  congratulatory  visit  should  be 
made  if  possible. 

When  young  children  receive  an  invitation  in  which 
the  parents  are  not  included,  the  parents  may  leave  or 
send  their  own  cards,  together  with  those  of  their  chil- 
dren, after  the  entertainment,  to  show  their  apprecia- 
tion of  the  attention.  These  may  be  called  cards  of 
ceremony. 

In  sending  gifts  of  fruits,  flowers,  books  or  other 
friendly  offerings,  a  card  should  accompany  them.  To 
simply  send  a  card  in  return  is  not,  however,  a  sufficient 
acknowledgement  on  receiving  an  attention  of  this  kind. 
A  note  should  be  sent  expressing  appreciation,  or  a  gift 
returned. 

The  following  is  a  good  form  for  a  presentation 
card  : 


CALLING  CUSTOMS. 


N  sparsely  settled  farming  districts,  people 
"  visit "  their  friends,  but  the  formal  call  is 
unknown.  Those,  however,  who  aspire  to 
enter  the  best  social  circles  in  the  cities 
and  large  towns,  should  learn  the  rules  that 
govern  calls  and  cards,  for  they  underlie 
all  social  intercourse.  Those  reared  and 
educated  in  the  polished  circles  of  a  city^ 
imbibe  these  rules  as  part  of  their  training, 
but  there  is  a  large  class  constantly  moving  up  in  the  - 
social  scale,  and  others  moving  into  the  cities  from  the 
country,  and  as  they  prosper  in  the  world  they  are 
drawn  into  society  and  must  learn  its  rules  and  observ- 
ances. These  customs  are  the  outgrowth  of  long  ex- 
perience, and  wonderfully  facilitate  the  interchange  of 
civilities,  which  constitutes  society,  and  to  the  experi- 
enced eye  the  standing  of  the  stranger  is  readily  indi- 
cated by  the  knowledge  or  ignorance  displayed  in  regard 
to  these  observances. 

FIKST  CALLS. 

In  nearly  all  cities  and  large  towns  it  is  the  rule  for 
the  older  residents  to  call  first  on  new-comers.  In 
Washington,  however,  this  rule  is  reversed  and  the  new- 
comers call  first  on  the  residents.  The  rule  works  fairly  . 
well  in  Washington  where  it  seems  to  be  a  necessity, 
but  outside  of  that  city  it  has  never  found  favor  in 
America,  although  it  is  quite  general  in  European 
cities. 

Hospitable  residents  should  call  on  a  new-comer  as 


CALLING  CUSTOMS. 


69 


soon  as  she  has  become  settled  in  the  neighborhood, 
and  leave  their  cards,  together  with  those  of  the  gentle- 
men of  their  families. 

Within  a  week  the  call  should  be  returned,  and  al- 
ways in  person,  or  a  note  of  explanation  sent  and  a  call 
made  later.  To  return  a  first  call  with  a  card  only,  is 
considered  a  slight  or  an  intimation  that  the  acquaint- 
ance is  not  to  be  cultivated.  For  strangers  to  make  the 
first  advances  to  old  residents  is  considered  ill-bred  and 
an  evidence  of  a  forward  or  "pushing"  spirit.  A  new  ex- 
pedient is  now  sometimes  adopted — that  of  sending  out 
cards  either  accompanied  or  not  with  those  of  a  mutual 
friend.  If  these  cards  are  responded  to  (and  they  usually 
are  j  the  way  is  opened  for  an  entrance  to  society. 

A  marked  rejection  of  proffered  civilities  is  very 
rude,  unless  there  is  some  obvious  or  undoubted  reason 
in  the  character  of  the  party  making  the  advance.  It  is 
better  to  acknowledge  the  courtesy  and  then  drop  the 
acquaintance  than  to  hastily  rebuff  the  first  advance.  A 
first  call  should  be  promptly  returned,  even  if  another 
is  never  made, 

"When  old  residents  of  the  same  city  are  introduced, 
the  oldest  resident,  or  the  one  most  prominent  in  society, 
calls  first,  but  too  much  formality  about  this  is  not  re- 
quired. In  England  the  lady  in  the  highest  rank  calls 
first,  but  social  distinctions  in  America  are  so  vague  that 
this  rule  would  not  work. 

On  receiving  a  first  invitation  to  any  entertainment 
from  anew  acquaintance,  an  acceptance  or  regrets  should 
be  promptly  sent,  and,  whether  accepted  or  not,  a  call 
should  be  made  within  a  week.  Having  thus  acknowl- 
edged the  coui'tesy,  the  acquaintance  may  be  continued 
or  not,  as  desired.  When  a  first  entertainment  is  acknowl- 
edged by  a  formal  note  of  regret  merely,  it  should  not 
be  repeated.    It  is  evidently  unwelcome. 


70 


CALLING  CUSTOMS. 


At  summer  resorts  owners  of  cottages  call  first  on 
renters.  Among  renters  those  who  arrive  first,  call  first 
on  those  who  come  later  in  the  season.  When  the  oc- 
cupants of  two  cottages  meet  at  a  friend's,  the  elder  may 
invite  the  younger  to  call,  and  a  prompt  response  is  a 
mark  of  respect. 

Both  renters  and  owners  of  cottages  call  first  on 
friends  who  arrive  at  the  hotels. 

The  exact  etiquette  of  the  party  making  the  first  call 
should  be  observed  in  returning  visits.  A  card  received 
by  post,  calls  for  a  card  by  mail  in  return.  A  personal 
visit  calls  for  a  personal  visit.  If  the  cards  of  the  gentle- 
men of  the  family  are  left,  the  cards  of  the  gentlemen 
of  your  family  must  be  left  in  return,  and  so  on.  A  card 
must  not  be  answered  with  a  call,  nor  a  call  with  a 
card. 

A  bride  when  she  becomes  settled  in  her  new  home 
must  wait  for  her  friends  to  call  on  her  first.  After  that 
she  has  no  special  rules  of  etiquette,  but  observes  those 
of  all  other  married  ladies. 

NOT  AT  HOME. 

Much  needless  censure  has  been  indulged  in  by 
purists  on  the  formula  of  "not  at  home"  used  by 
society.  Some  formula  must,  however,  be  used,  and  to 
those  versed  in  the  ways  of  society,  no  falsehood  is  im- 
plied, for  it  simply  means  that  the  lady  is  not  at  home 
to  company.  Some  prefer,  however,  to  have  the  servant 
say  they  are  "  engaged  "  rather  than  "  not  at  home."  The 
servant  should  be  instructed  in  the  morning  what  to  say 
to  all  comers.  If  the  lady  has  a  reception  day,  the  ser- 
vant can  say  "Mrs.  Crosby  is  not  at  home — she  receives 
on  Thursdays."  Any  attempt  to  question  a  servant,  as 
to  when  the  lady  v/ill  return  or  otherwise,  is  extremely 
ill-bred.    A  caller  awkwardly  admitted  by  a  servant 


CALLING  CUSTOMS. 


71 


when  the  mistress  is  not  receiving,  should  be  seen  if 
possible,  and  the  servant  admonished  for  the  next  occa- 
sion. These  rules  are  made  mainly  to  protect  those  who 
are  over-burdened  with  visitors,  and  give  them  time  for 
any  pursuit  they  may  be  interested  in,  but  in  smaller 
cities  and  towns,  and  with,  those  not  thus  over-burdened, 
it  is  better  to  receive  all  callers  when  possible.  So,  also, 
those  who  have  no  regular  reception  days,  should  aim  to 
receive  all  visitors.  An  affectation  of  exclusiveness  by 
ladies  in  small  towns  is  very  snobbish. 

No  lady  should  keep  a  caller  waiting  unless  it  is  im- 
possible to  avoid  it,  and  then  word  should  be  sent  that 
she  will  be  in  soon. 

If  a  lady  is  at  home  to  certain  individuals,  but  to  no 
others,  the  servant  should  be  plainly  instructed  whom  to 
admit,  as  that  is  the  only  way  to  prevent  awkward  mis- 
takes. 

CALLS  OF  CONGRATULATION,  CONDOLENCE,  ETC. 

Calls  of  congratulation  may  be  made  after  an  engage- 
ment is  announced,  or  after  a  marriage,  or  after  the  birth 
of  a  child,  or  when  any  cause  for  congratulation  arises. 
Calls  of  condolence  should  be  made  when  death  or  mis- 
fortune of  any  kind  overtakes  an  acquaintance — in  short 
these  calls  are  an  effort  to  obey  the  scripture  injunction 
to  "weep  with  those  that  weep,  and  rejoice  with  those 
that  rejoice."  Do  not  call  too  soon  after  a  birth.  Wait 
until  the  happy  mother  is  able  to  receive  her  friends, — it 
is  usual  to  wait  a  month.  After  a  death  intimate  friends 
call  in  about  ten  days — others  after  a  month.  "When  a 
forma]  announcement  of  an  engagement  is  made,  a  call 
of  congratulation  should  follow  within  a  few  days. 
After  a  marriage,  calls  of  congratulation  are  made  on 
the  parents  who  sent  the  invitations  to  the  wedding,  as 
well  as  on  the  newly  married  couple.  A  call  of  congrat- 


72  CALLING  CUSTOMS. 

ulation  or  condolence  may  be  made  on  a  friend  who  is 
indebted  to  you  for  a  call. 

Calls  of  ceremony  are  made  after  receiving  an  invi- 
tation to  any  entertainment,  and  those  calls  made  to 
announce  a  wedding  would  be  classed  as  calls  of  courtesy 
or  compliment.  In  the  preceding  chapter  on  "  Cards,'' 
we  discuss  the  use  of  cards  on  these  and  similar  oc- 
casions, and  we  would  refer  our  readers  to  what  we  there 
say,  under  the  head  of  "  Cards  of  Congratulation,  Con- 
dolence, Compliment  and  Ceremony." 

CONDUCT  DURING  CALLS. 

A  lady  always  rises  to  receive  her  callers,  and  if  pos- 
sible offers  a  chair  near  her  own  to  the  last-comer.  If 
some  degree  of  cordiality  is  felt  she  may  extend  her 
hand,  but  gentlemen  should  always  wait  for  ladies  to 
make  the  first  advance  of" this  kind. 

If  there  are  a  number  of  callers,  the  lady  addresses 
herself  to  the  latest  arrivals,  being  careful,  however,  to 
see  that  no  one  is  left  alone.  Those  near  each  other 
should  engage  in  conversation  and  relieve  the  hostess  of 
any  embarassment  about  their  entertainment. 

A  gentleman  rises  when  ladies  enter,  but  he  does  not 
offer  them  his  seat  unless  requested  to  do  so,  or  unless 
there  are  no  others  available.  A  gentleman  also  rises 
when  ladies  rise  to  take  their  leave. 

Unless  the  hostess  knows  the  introduction  will  be 
agreeable  she  does  not  introduce  those  who  live  in  the 
same  town.  Strangers  in  the  place  are  always  intro- 
duced. 

Always  advance  and  greet  the  hostess  first,  and  then 
bow  merely  to  the  others  present. 

A  lady  should  have  no  hesitation  in  stating  the  fact 
if  she  cannot  recall  the  name  of  a  visitor.  It  will  save 
embarrassment  and  possible  blunders. 


CALLING  CUSTOMS. 


73 


Gentlemen  carry  their  hats  and  canes  into  the  parlor 
and  retain  them  in  their  hands,  when  making  formal 
calls,  but  umbrellas  and  overshoes  are  left  in  the  hall. 
If  necessary  to  use  their  hands  during  the  call,  the  hat 
and  cane  should  be  laid  on  the  floor.  Ladies  receiving 
do  not  offer  to  take  a  gentleman's  hat  or  cane.  He  does 
not  remove  his  gloves. 

Ladies  making  formal  calls  retain  their  wraps  and 
bonnets. 

A  lady  should  lay  aside  her  work,  when  a  visitor 
calls,  unless  requested  not  to  do  so.  Even  then  only 
light  work,  which  will  not  interrupt  the  conversation, 
should  be  engaged  in. 

While  callers  are  present  the  mistress  should  not 
leave  the  room. 

If  you  see,  on  making  a  call,  that  you  are  not  re- 
cognized, you  should  at  once  give  your  name,  but  should 
not  hand  your  own  card  to  the  hostess,  that  is  not  rule- 
able  with  either  ladies  or  gentlemen. 

When  ushered  into  a  room  where  there  are  several 
ladies,  and  all  strangers,  ask  for  the  one  on  whom  you 
called  and  introduce  yourself. 

If  you  call  when  a  lady  is  about  going  out,  or  other- 
wise engaged,  make  your  call  brief,  and  offer  to  call 
again  soon,  if  she  seems  disappointed. 

It  is  not  customary  to  offer  refreshments  to  callers 
in  cities,  except  on  New  Year's  or  some  special  occasion 
In  the  country  they  are  fi'equently  offered. 

Do  not  suggest  that  the  room  is  chilly,  or  draw  up  to 
the  fire,  when  making  a  call.  If  you  are  uncomfortable 
cut  short  your  stay. 

Do  not  question  children  or  servants  about  the  family 
affairs — that  would  be  very  rude. 

During  a  call  any  light,  pleasant  topics  of  conversa- 
tion are  in  order.   Arguments  and  grave  discussions  are 


74 


CALLING  CUSTOMS. 


out  of  place.  Congenial  topics  may  be  discussed,  so 
that  a  mere  acquaintance  will  develop  into  friendship. 

When  calling  on  friends  in  reduced  circumstances 
it  is  not  in  good  taste  to  wear  a  very  rich  and  expensive 
dress. 

When  calling,  do  not  rudely  examine  pictures  or  fur- 
niture ;  nor  remove  or  toy  with  any  article  in  the  room ; 
nor  open  or  finger  the  piano.  Do  not  divert  your  atten- 
tion from  the  company  present.  If  a  card  basket  is  on 
the  table,  do  not  fumble  over  the  cards. 

Dogs  and  children  should  be  left  at  home  when  mak- 
ing calls.  They  are  apt  to  annoy  others  or  do  some 
mischief. 

Do  not  place  your  chair  so  that  your  back  is  turned 
to  any  one,  as  that  is  rude. 

LEAVE  TAKING. 

Seize  on  a  favoring  lull  in  the  conversation  to  with- 
draw gracefully. 

On  leaving,  bow  to  the  hostess,  and  if  strangers  are 
present  a  slight  bow  in  passing  is  all  that  is  needed  ;  or, 
after  bowing  to  the  hostess,  let  one  additional  bow  in- 
clude all  the  others  in  the  room. 

Do  not  apologetically  say  that  you  have  made  too 
long  a  call.  Do  not  fidget  nor  look  at  your  watch  when 
calling.  Do  not  essay  to  leave  and  then  resume  your 
seat,  as  double  farewells  are  awkward.  When  you  are 
ready  to  go,  rise  quietly  and  go  without  lingering  or  de- 
lay, but  express  your  pleasure  at  finding  your  friends  at 
home. 

Callers  rising  to  leave  should  not  be  urged  to  stay. 
This  refers  to  the  formal  call,  not  the  informal  visits  of 
intimate  friends. 

A  hostess  rises  when  a  gentleman  rises  to  leave,  re- 
ceives his  bow,  and  if  disposed  to  be  very  polite,  walks 


CALLING  CUSTOMS. 


75 


with  him  to  the  parlor  or  drawing-room  door,  but  no 
farther.  The  servant  opens  the  hall  door,  and  closes  it 
after  his  exit.  If  the  parlor  is  on  the  same  floor,  a  lady 
caller  may  be  seen  to  the  street  door  ;  if  not,  going  to  the 
head  of  the  stairs  is  sufficient  courtesy,  except  to  elderly 
guests,  who  should  receive  special  marks  of  respect. 
These  are  the  rules  for  formal  call  in  cities;  but,  of  course, 
among  intimate  friends,  and  in  small  villages,  and  with 
that  large  class  who  have  no  servants,  there  is  less 
formality,  and  the  hostess  escorts  her  callers  to  the 
outer  door.  A  gentleman  who  has  received  a  business 
call  from  a  lady,  should  escort  her  to  the  outer  door, 
and  to  her  carriage,  if  she  has  one. 

On  the  arrival  of  another  caller,  a  visitor  should 
leave  as  soon  as  possible,  unless  specially  invited  to  stay. 

On  entering,  "  Good  Morning  "  or  "  Good  Evening" 
is  the  proper  form  of  salutation;  but  on  leaving  "  Good- 
bye "  is  the  correct  form  to  use. 

A  gentleman  rises  when  ladies  rise  to  take  their  leave. 
Ladies  bow  but  do  not  rise  when  others  leave,  except  for 
ladies  much  older  than  themselves. 

LENGTH  OF  CALLS. 

From  five  to  thirty  minutes  is  the  length  of  time  for 
calls,  from  fifteen  to  twenty  minutes  being  the  proper 
length  of  formal  ones.  Unless  calling  on  intimate 
friends,  the  stay  should  not  be  prolonged  beyond  half 
an  hour.  The  visits  of  intimate  friends  are  limited  only 
by  the  inclination  and  good  sense  of  the  parties. 

THE  HOURS  FOR  CALLING. 

The  hours  for  calling  vary  in  different  cities.  For 
the  morning  call — by  which  is  usually  meant  any  call 
made  in  the  day  time — the  hour  is  from  twelve  M.  to  four 
p.  M.  in  some  cities,  and  from  two  to  six  in  others,  but 
in  New  York,  and  some  other  large  cities,  it  is  between 


76 


CALLING  CUSTOMS. 


four  and  five.  Between  two  and  five  is  a  safe  rule  in 
most  small  cities  and  towns.  This  will  be  after  lunch 
and  before  dinner.  The  evening  call  should  not  be 
made  later  than  nine,  nor  prolonged  after  ten  o'clock. 
Eight  o'clock,  or  a  little  before,  is  a  good  hour  for  mak- 
ing evening  calls,  in  most  cities  and  towns. 

PEESENTING  A  LETTER  OF  INTEODUCTION. 

In  calling  with  a  letter  of  introduction,  leave  the 
letter  and  your  card,  but  do  not  go  in,  as  the  party  to 
whom  it  is  addressed  should  have  time  to  read  the  letter 
before  seeing  you.  The  lady  or  gentleman  receiving  the 
letter  should  at  once  send  an  invitation  and  show  some 
hospitality  to  the  friend  thus  introduced. 

WHEN  TO  CALL  IN  PERSON  AND  WHEN  TO  SEND  A  CARD. 

As  to  when  a  call  must  be  made  in  person,  and  when 
a  card  maybe  sent  instead,  the  rule  is  that  invited  guests 
must  call  in  person  after  a  dinner  party  and  inquire  for 
the  hostess.  For  other  entertainments  a  card  only  may 
be  sent,  when  it  is  inconvenient  to  call  personally.  The 
rule  is  absolute  that  calls  after  a  first  invitation  should 
be  made  within  three  days,  and  after  other  invitations 
within  a  week.  At  afternoon  teas  and  other  occasions 
when  a  card  is  left  during  the  visit,  the  balance  of 
authority  now  is  that  an  after-call  is  not  needed, 
although  there  has  been  some  uncertainty  on  this  point. 

At  a  tea  or  general  reception  a  lady  leaves  her  cards 
as  she  enters  the  hall,  and  an  after  call  is  not  required. 

HINTS  TO  LADIES. 

As  soon  as  an  invalid  is  sufficiently  recovered,  she 
should  return  all  calls  made  on  her  during  her  illness. 

A  lady  may  very  properly  express  her  regrets  the 
first  time  she  meets  a  gentleman  who  has  called  without 
finding  her  at  home.    He  should  express  regrets  also, 


CALLING  CUSTOMS. 


77 


and  never  say  it  made  no  difference,  or  any  similar  re- 
mark. 

A  lady  desiring  a  gentleman  to  call  may  say:  '"I 
receive  on  Wednesdays,''  or  "  I  shall  be  pleased  to  have 
you  call,"  or  something  of  that  kind. 

Two  or  three  persons  may  call  together,  but  more 
than  three  from  one  family  is  not  allowable. 

A  call  should  be  made  upon  a  friend  who  has  a  visi- 
tor staying  with  her  as  soon  as  the  fact  is  known. 

A  lady  who  is  visiting  in  a  family  is  not  required  to 
send  cards  in  return  for  those  left  on  their  reception 
day. 

A  lady  calling  on  an  acquaintance,  merely  gives  her 
name  to  the  servant.  In  calling  on  a  stranger,  if  the 
servant  does  not  readily  remember  the  name,  a  card  is 
sent  up.  If  on  entering  the  parlor  she  finds  her  hostess 
there,  but  is  unacquainted,  she  introduces  herself  by 
stating  her  name  distinctly,  but  she  must  never  hand 
her  own  card  to  the  hostess. 

TThen  making  a  call,  a  lady  keeps  her  parasol  in  her 
hand.    Her  gloves  are  not  removed. 

It  is  a  pleasant  custom  to  call  and  leave  a  card  with 
the  words  "  Kind  Inquiries "  penciled  thereon,  at  the 
house  of  invalids  and  mourners. 

As  there  is  no  leisur-ed  class  in  America,  and  most  of 
the  men  are  engaged  in  business,  with  little  time  for 
calling,  they  do  not  usually  call  with  their  wives,  al- 
though they  may  do  so  if  they  choose.  Daughters  call 
with  their  mothers,  but  a  daughter  can  call  and  leave 
her  mother's  cards,  if  the  mother  is  an  invalid. 

When  a  son  is  ready  to  enter  society  his  mother 
leaves  his  cards  with  her  husband's  and  her  own,  and  it 
is  then  expected  he  will  be  included  in  invitations  sent 
to  the  family. 

A  lady  who  receives  calls  wliile  her  parlor  is  occu- 


78 


CALLING  CUSTOMS. 


pied  by  a  guest  whose  visitor  has  not  asked  for  her, 
should  take  her  caller  into  the  same  room,  as  she  is  ex- 
pected to  share  her  calls  with  her  guests,  and  guests 
should  also  share  theirs  with  the  hostess. 

A  young  lady  visiting  in  a  strange  city  should  not  re- 
ceive a  visit  from  a  gentleman  without  first  asking  her 
hostess  if  it  will  be  agreeable.  If  a  gentleman  calls  on 
her,  the  hostess  and  daughters  should  be  introduced,  if 
they  are  unacquainted  with  him. 

In  calling  on  a  sick  friend,  it  is  not  enough  to  leave 
a  card  merely,  but  inquiries  should  be  made  as  to  her 
condition.  Do  not  attempt  to  visit  the  sick  room  unless 
especially  invited  to  do  so. 

Ladies  do  not  call  on  gentlemen  except  on  business. 
Then  a  card  should  be  sent  in  and  the  call  made  as 
ceremonious  as  possible. 

If  a  gentleman  is  a  confirmed  invalid,  he  may  receive 
a  call  from  a  lady  in  his  room,  but  not  otherwise. 

A  lady  with  a  large  circle  of  acquaintances  should 
keep  a  memorandum  book  and  record  the  date  of  calls 
received  and  made,  future  engagements,  and  so  on.  It 
saves  much  confusion. 

A  lady  who  gives  a  reception,  or  a  series  of  recep- 
tions, and  invites  all  her  "list"  of  acquaintances, 
thereby  discharges  her  social  obligations  and  is  released 
from  further  necessity  of  calling  during  the  year,  except 
the  calls  always  required  after  receiving  an  invitation  to 
an  entertainment,  and  calls  of  condolence  or  congratu- 
lation. 

On  returning  from  a  season  at  the  seashore,  or  in  the 
country,  or  a  trip  to  Europe,  a  lady  sends  out  cards  to 
her  acquaintances  if  she  expects  to  enter  society  during 
the  winter. 

A  call  made  once,  a  year,  or  leaving  a  card,  which  is 
the  same  thing  in  the  eyes  of  society,  serves  to  keep  up 


CALLING  CUSTOMS. 


79 


the  acquaintance,  according  to  the  strict  rules  of  eti- 
quette. No  one  can  tell  what  pressure  of  other  duties 
makes  it  inconvenient  for  the  individual  to  do  more,  and 
society  should  take  the  most  charitable  view  of  the  case 
and  good  naturedly  acquiesce  in  her  absence. 

In  our  large  cities  many  ladies  set  apart  certain  days 
for  receiving.  An  effort  should  always  be  made  to  call  on 
these  days  when  possible;  but  if  several  ladies  appoint 
the  same  day  it  may  be  impossible  to  reach  them  all, 
and  then  an  apology  will  be  accepted.  Where  local  cus- 
tom favors  calling  on  certain  days  of  the  week  it  should 
be  observed  as  a  matter  of  convenience. 

On  going  to  a  strange  city,  ladies  should  send  cards 
with  their  address  to  friends  as  a  notice  of  their  arrival. 
These  cards  can  be  sent  by  mail.  The  friends  should 
then  call  within  a  very  few  days. 

Among  intimate  friends  it  is  not  best  to  observe  too 
much  formality  in  making  calls.  Inclination  rules  here, 
and  visits  are  made  whenever  so  disposed.  But  even 
intimate  friends  should  guard  against  carrying  familiar- 
ity so  far  as  to  breed  contempt — remembering  the  old 
adage. 

It  is  better  to  go  to  a  hotel  and  notify  your  friends 
of  your  presence  in  town  if  you  are  detained  in  a  city, 
than  to  drive  directly  to  their  residence  as  though  you 
expected  to  use  it  for  a  hotel.  If  your  presence  is  de- 
sired they  can  then  invite  you  to  visit  them. 

HINTS  TO  GENTLEMEN. 

Cards  should  be  sent  at  the  beginning  of  the  season 
to  all  those  whom  you  desire  to  keep  on  your  list  of 
acquaintances.  Otherwise  no  disappointment  need  be 
felt  at  not  receiving  invitations  to  entertainments,  etc. 

Never  take  a  friend  with  you  to  call  on  a  lady  with- 
•  out  first  obtaining  permission  to  do  so. 


80 


CALLING  CUSTOMS. 


In  calling  on  a  young  lady  do  not  fail  to  inquire  for 
the  mother,  even  if  you  do  not  wish  to  see  her.  It  is  a 
mark  of  respect  that  is  always  appreciated. 

A  gentleman  calling  on  a  number  of  ladies  sends  in 
only  one  card. 

If  on  calling  you  find  others  present,  do  not  outstay 
them,  but  leave  even  sooner  than  you  would  otherwise 
have  done. 

Gentlemen  calling  with  ladies  always  allow  them  to 
go  first  when  entering  or  leaving  a  room. 

Calls  of  ceremony  are  not  expected  from  married 
men,  but  instead  the  wife  leaves  her  husband's  card. 

If  done  with  the  full  knowledge  and  consent  of  their 
husbands,  gentlemen  may  call  on  married  ladies  at  their 
own  homes. 

The  use  of  a  card  case  by  a  gentleman  is  considered 
foppish.  He  carries  his  cards  loose  in  his  pocket  or  in 
the  little  leather  pocket-books,  now  coming  into  quite 
general  use  by  gentlemen. 

It  is  a  great  discourtesy  not  to  call  on  a  lady  within 
three  days  after  being  first  invited  to  do  so,  but  no 
further  calls  need  be  made  if  the  acquaintance  is  not 
desired. 

A  gentleman  does  not  call  on  a  lady  without  an  invi- 
tation, or  a  letter  of  introduction,  or  being  taken  by 
some  lady  friend  who  is  intimate  enough  to  warrant  the 
liberty.  If  he  desires  the  acquaintance  of  a  lady  he 
seeks  an  introduction  through  some  mutual  friend. 

The  gentleman  of  the  house  should  escort  ladies  to 
their  carriages,  if  they  call  on  the  ladies  of  his  family 
while  he  is  present. 

A  gentleman  should  not  look  at  his  watch  while  mak- 
ing a  formal  call  without  offering  an  explanation  for  so 
doing,  such  as  the  necessity  for  meeting  another  en- 
gagement, or  something  of  the  kind. 


CALLING  CUSTOMS. 


81 


The  hat  and  cane  are  retained  in  the  hand  while 
making  formal  calls. 

An  invitation  to  spend  the  evening  when  making  a 
first  call  should  be  declined.  It  is  bad  form  to  give 
such  an  invitation. 

One  gentleman,  receiving  another,  should  meet  him 
at  the  door,  take  his  hat  and  cane,  and  place  a  chair  for 
him,  while  a  lady  would  simply  rise  and  bow,  allowing 
him  to  take  his  own  seat. 

Things  to  Avoid. — While  making  calls,  all  such 
things  should  be  avoided,  as  tilting  back  the  chair ; 
crossing  the  legs;  lounging  or  lolling  in  any  attitude;  rest- 
5  lessly  moving  about;  staring  at  either  visitors  or  articles 
in  the  room  ;  loud  or  uproarious  laughter ;  shouting 
across  the  room  (if  you  wish  to  speak  to  any  one  on  the 
opposite  side,  cross  the  room  and  address  him  quietly); 
shifting  the  feet;  twirling  the  thumbs;  twisting  the 
tassels  of  the  chair;  whispering  to  another;  boasting 
of  yourself  and  your  achievements;  ridiculing  others, 
and  so  on.    These  things  mark  the  ill-bred  boor. 

Things  to  Do- — Study  repose  o£  manner,  and  court- 
eously endeavor  to  please  those  you  meet,  by  adapting 
yourself  to  them  and  drawing  them  out.  Unconscious- 
ness of  yourself  and  regard  for  their  interests  and 
feelings,  is  the  sure  road  to  social  success.  Try  and  say 
bright  and  pleasant  things,  and  leave  before  you  have 
worn  yourself  out,  so  that  you  may  be  welcome  again. 


NEW  YEAR'S  CALLS. 


^  EOM  the  earliest  times,  and  among  most  of  the 
nations  of  the  earth,  the  first  day  of  the  new 
year  has  been  set  apart  for  religious  f estiyi- 
^  ties  and  social  observances.  The  Egyptians 
and  Chinese,  the  Greeks  and  Eomans,  and 
the  Jews,  Mohammedans  and  Christians,  have 
all  alike  united  in  their  special  observance 
of  Le  jour  cle  Van,  as  the  French  call  Xew 
Year's  day.  In  America,  the  custom  of  mak- 
ing New  Years  calls  seems  to  have  originated  with  the 
old  Knickerbocker  families  of  New  York,  who  brought 
the  custom  with  them  from  Holland,  where  their  ances- 
tors termed  it  "The  great  day  of  cake,"  and  dispensed 
a  liberal  hospitality  to  all  ^'isitors. 

In  many  of  the  larger  cities  the  custom  of  making 
New  Year's  calls  has  of  late  years  become  less  general 
than  formerly,  owing  to  a  variety  of  causes, — such  as 
the  difficulty  of  making  "  the  grand  round  "  by  those 
with  large  circles  of  acquaintances ;  the  abuse  of  the 
general  hospitality  of  the  day  by  many  upstarts,  who  took 
advantage  of  the  occasion  to  crowd  themselves  in  at 
places  where  they  had  no  right  to  call,  and  so  on.  In 
many  localities,  however,  the  day  still  is,  and  will  long 
continue  to  be  fittingly  observed,  and  as  fashion  is  pro- 
verbially fickle,  calling  may  be  restored  to  popular  favor 
among  our  most  fashionable  people  at  any  time,  for 
*  what  can  be  more  appropriate  than  to  begin  the  New 
Year  with  a  general  manifestation  of  good  will  and  re- 
gard for  others? 


84 


NEW  year's  calls. 


The  practice  of  publishing  in  the  newspapers  lists  of 
the  ladies  who  will  receive  calls  on  New  Year's  day,  has 
been  often  criticised,  but  in  some  localities  it  has  the 
sanction  of  the  best  society.  It  has  many  commendable 
features,  and  is  best  left  to  the  good  taste  of  those  most 
interested.  When  a  lady  receives  with  a  friend,  instead 
of  at  her  own  home,  cards  are  sent  to  her  friends,  to 
notify  them  of  the  fact,  and  give  them  her  address. 
Cards  may  also  be  sent  out  when  she  has  changed  her 
residence  or  returned  from  a  prolonged  absence  from 
home. 

The  general  sending  out  of  cards  has  gone  somewhat 
out  of  fashion  of  late. 

On  this  day,  ladies  should  make  their  preparations 
early,  and  be  dressed  and  ready  to  receive  the  first 
callers.  Those  who  have  sent  out  invitations  may  be 
dressed  very  elegantly,  but  the  low-necked  and  short- 
sleeved  dresses  are  not  worn  in  the  day  time,  nor  on 
these  occasions.  Gloves,  of  some  light  shade,  should 
be  worn,  but  not  white  kids.  The  best  refreshments  are 
boned  turkey,  chicken,  salads,  oysters,  sandwiches,  jel- 
lied tongues,  coffee,  chocolate,  tea  and  bouillon;  and 
have  cake  and  fruits  as  decorative  additions.  The  tem- 
perance agitation  has  discouraged  the  general  offering 
of  wine,  which  formerly  prevailed,  and  many  fashiona- 
ble people,  who  use  wine  on  other  occasions,  now  banish 
it  from  their  New  Year's  table.  The  reception  room 
may  be  made  very  attractive  by  the  display  of  flowering 
plants,  ferns,  flowers,  and  so  on,  but  in  some  of  the 
richest  and  most  fashionable  houses,  at  present,  the  only 
refreshments  offered  are  a  cup  of  coffee  or  bouillon,  and 
sandwiches.  A  servant  stands  at  the  door  and  admits 
the  callers  without  their  knocking;  he  then  receives  their  . 
cards  on  a  silver  salver. 

If  a  gentleman  calls  on  some  other  lady  who  receives 


NEW  year's  calls. 


8§ 


with  her,  he  should  be  at  once  introduced  to  the  hostess, 
but  if  many  ladies  are  present,  and  the  room  is  filled 
with  guests,  it  is  not  necessary  to  introduce  him  to  them 
all.  When  the  room  is  comparatively  empty,  however, 
it  is  much  pleasanter  to  introduce  a  caller  to  all  present. 
After  a  few  moments  conversation,  the  caller  is  invited 
to  partake  of  the  refreshments  (but  he  should  never  be 
urged  to  do  so),  and  is  conducted  to  the  table,  where  a 
servant  is  in  waiting  to  supply  his  wants. 

The  rule  is  absolute,  that  a  gentleman  should  not  be 
invited  to  remove  his  overcoat,  nor  should  he  be  urged 
to  prolong  his  call. 

Those  ladies  who  send  out  no  invitations,  but  wel- 
come all  those  who  call,  may  dress  in  visiting  costume, 
with  light  colored  gloves.  Refreshments  may  be  pre- 
pared, or  not,  as  best  suits  their  convenience. 

Two  or  more  ladies  often  unite  and  receive  together 
and  find  it  very  pleasant,  and  if  they  move  in  the  same 
social  circle  it  saves  the  gentlemen  both  time  and  travel, 
as  they  can  then  make  several  calls  in  one. 

Ladies  who  do  not  receive  calls,  tie  a  basket  at  the 
door  to  receive  cards. 

Gentlemen  are  permitted  to  call  late  on  New  Year's 
day;  but  if  a  lady  becomes  fatigued,  it  is  better  to 
instruct  the  servant  to  admit  no  more  callers,  than  to 
have  one  admitted  and  then  send  word  she  cannot  be 
seen. 

In  the  villages  and  small  toWns,  where  no  special 
formalities  are  observed,  but  gentlemen  call  on  their 
friends  and  tender  their  hearty  good  wishes  for  the 
opening  year,  the  day  is  often  enjoyed  far  more  than  in 
our  busy  centers  of  population,  where  more  ceremony 
becomes  necessary. 

The  calling  hours  for  gentlemen  are  fi'om  eleven  a. 
M.  to  ten  p.  M.    They  go  singly,  or  in  company  with  one 


NEW  YEAB'S  calls. 


or  more  friends,  but  it  is  not  considered  in  the  best  form 
for  more  than  two  to  go  together. 

It  is  proper  to  travel,  between  the  calls,  either  on 
foot,  or  in  a  carriage  or  sleigh. 

The  proper  dress  for  gentlemen  is  the  usual  morning 
costume,  consisting  of  a  black  frock  or  cut-away  coat, 
light  or  colored  pantaloons,  and  gloves  of  some  neutral 
tint. 

If  the  day  is  very  cold  or  unpleasant,  so  that  the 
gentleman  wears  a  heavy  ulster  or  overshoes,  they  may 
be  removed  in  the  hall ;  otherwise  the  overcoat  is  not 
removed,  and  the  hat  and  cane  are  retained  in  the  hand. 

The  gloves  are  not  removed,  and  the  hostess  is 
greeted  with  a  cordial  shake  of  the  hand,  without  any 
apology,  such  as  "  Excuse  my  glove,"  and  the  compli- 
ments of  the  season  are  exchanged.  Only  light  and 
pleasant  topics  of  conversation  are  introduced,  and  a 
gentleman  with  tact  will  be  very  apt  to  convey  to  the 
lady  his  pleasure  at  seeing  her  looking  so  well  at  the 
beginning  of  the  New  Year.  The  call  is  short,  from  five 
to  fifteen  minutes  being  the  usual  limit.  On  leaving, 
the  simple  formula  of  "  Good  morning,"  or  "  Good 
evening,"  is  all  that  is  used. 

The  best  authorities  unite  in  saying  that  a  gentle- 
man should  either  make  personal  calls  or  take  no  notice 
of  the  day.  To  merely  send  a  card  does  not  fulfill  the 
design  of  a  New  Year's  call. 

An  introduction  to  a  lady  at  a  New  Year's  reception 
does  noigive  a  gentleman  the  right  to  call  on  her  without 
a  special  invitation. 

A  lady  who  is  introduced  on  New  Year's  day  to  a 
gentleman  with  whom  she  is  pleased,  may,  with  pro- 
priety, invite  him  to  call  on  her. 

The  ordinary,  neatly  engraved,  visiting  card  is  pre- 
ferable to  any  of  the  fancy,  and  often  gaudy,  cards  so 


NEW  year's  calls. 


87 


frequently  used.  Much  latitude  is  allowed  in  New 
Year's  cards,  but  avoid  extreme  display,  and  remember 
that  a  quiet  simplicity  is  always  in  the  best  taste. 

In  France,  gentlemen  wear  a  full  dress  suit  when 
making  New  Year's  calls,  but  that  is  not  the  correct 
costume  in  America. 


VISITING. 


OCIETY  pays  more  attention  to  the  etiquette 
of  visiting  now  than  formerly.  The  old 
custom  of  inviting  friends  to  "  come  when- 
ever they  can,  and  stay  as  long  as  they  like," 
causes  so  much  inconvenience  that  it  is  not 
much  practiced  at  present  by  the  best  soci- 
ety. Friends  accepting  such  invitations 
often  come  at  the  most  inopportune  times, 
and  sadly  disarrange  one's  plans,  and,  to 
avoid  this,  the  rule  now  is  to  invite  them  for  a  specified 
time,  as,  for  example,  "  I  shall  be  glad  to  have  you  come 
on  Wednesday  and  stay  a  week  with  us." 

HINTS  TO  THE  HOSTESS. 

If  invited  to  come  on  a  certain  day,  the  guest  may 
be  met  at  the  railway  station  by  some  member  of  the 
family  ;  if  the  guest  is  a  stranger  this  rule  is  obligatory. 
On  arriving  at  the  house  the  guest  should  be  pleasantly 
welcomed,  and  at  once  shown  to  her  room.  Previous  to 
her  arrival,  every  arrangement  for  her  comfort  should 
be  made,  such  as  providing  plenty  of  fresh  water,  clean 
towels,  and  so  on.  Study  the  convenience  of  the  guest 
and  conform  to  her  habits  as  far  as  possible.  By  the 
hospitable  host  the  horses  and  carriages,  books,  grounds, 
and  everything,  are  placed  at  the  disposal  of  a  visitor. 
The  best  hostess  the  writer  ever  saw  had  a  most  cordial 
way  of  greeting  a  guest,  but  there  was  an  utter  absence 


t 


VISITING.  89 

of  "fussiness"  in  her  manner,  and  her  guests  were 
allowed  much  latitude  without  being  left  to  feel  neg- 
lected. 

In  England,  where  hospitality  has  been  reduced  to 
a  system,  guests  are  allowed  much  freedom  of  choice 
about  their  own  amusements.  xA.llow  them  some  periods 
of  solitude,  in  which  they  can  read,  write  or  rest,  and 
do  not  plan  too  many  amusements  without  consulting 
their  preferences. 

Having  once  invited  a  guest,  nothing  but  sickness  or 
death  should  be  allowed  to  interfere  with  her  entertain- 
ment. The  only  exception  to  this  is,  when  through  mis- 
take the  invitation  was  delivered  to  the  wrong  person. 
Any  hostess  who  allows  a  guest  to  feel  that  her  presence 
is  an  annoyance,  is  utterly  devoid  of  the  first  principle 
of  good  manners. 

True  hospitality  consists  in  making  the  guest  feel 
perfectly  at  home,  and  in  so  providing  for  her  comfort 
and  entertainment  that  she  will  thoroughly  enjoy  her 
visit.  Do  not,  however,  devote  yourself  to  a  visitor 
to  the  neglect  of  all  other  duties,  so  that  she  will  feel 
that  she  is  a  burden.  Having  done  the  best  you  can, 
profuse  apologies  for  not  being  able  to  do  better,  are 
out  of  place.  To  let  the  guest  see,  from  your  cheerful- 
ness and  kindness,  that  her  visit  is  a  real  pleasure  to 
you,  will  contribute  more  to  her  pleasure  than  anything 
else. 

It  is  rude  to  ask  how  long  a  guest  expects  to  stay,  ex- 
cept of  those  who  are  self-invited,  in  which  case  it  is 
proper.  The  question  may  be  prefaced  by  the  remark 
that  you  need  to  know  on  account  of  your  other  engage- 
ments, or  something  of  that  kind. 

It  is  always  understood  that  an  invitation  to  a  wife 
to  pay  a  visit  includes  the  husband,  and  one  to  a  hus- 
band includes  the  wife. 


■I' 

90  VISITING. 

HINTS  TO  THE  GUEST. 

If  you  desire  to  visit  a  friend,  ascertain  before  start- 
ing whether  your  visit  at  that  time  will  be  agreeable  or 
not.  Studiously  avoid  interfering  with  the  customs  of 
the  house,  as  far  as  possible.  If  breakfast  is  served  at 
an  earlier  hour  than  that  to  which  you  are  accustomed, 
forego  your  morning  nap  rather  than  inconvenience  the 
family  or  keep  them  waiting  ;  and,  on  the  other  hand, 
do  not  go  down  early  and  make  the  hostess  feel  that  you 
want  an  early  breakfast,  if  the  breakfast  hour  is  later 
than  you  prefer.  Contrive  to  entertain  yourself  for  an 
hour  or  two  after  breakfast  and  dinner,  so  that  the  hos- 
tess may  have  time  to  perform  the  household  duties, 
which  devolve  on  most  women.  Even  those  who  do 
not  do  their  own  work,  usually  need  to  oversee  it.  If 
there  are  children,  treat  them  kindly,  and  try  and  win 
their  friendship,  as  few  things  please  a  mother  more 
than  noticing  her  children,  but  do  not  pet  them  too 
much,  nor  interfere  with  the  efforts  made  to  govern 
them  ;  and  if  they  are  a  little  troublesome  at  times,  do 
not  let  it  be  seen  by  the  hostess.  Don't  scold  the  chil- 
dren, tread  on  the  cat's  tail,  abuse  the  pet  dog,  or  do 
anything  to  make  yourself  disagreeable.  If  any  un- 
pleasant family  matters  come  to  your  notice,  they  should 
be  passed  by  without  remark  and  apparently  unob- 
served. If  you  can  pay  your  hostess  any  compliment 
without  evident  flattery,  it  is  well  to  do  so.  Enter  with 
spirit  into  any  arrangements  made  for  your  entertain- 
ment, and  let  your  friends  see  how  much  you  enjoy  the 
pleasures  they  provide  for  you.  Do  not  seclude  your- 
self from  the  family,  nor  seek  your  own  private  amuse- 
ments, in  which  they  cannot  join.  Do  not  accept 
invitations  without  consulting  the  hostess.  Treat  the 
servants  thoughtfully,  and  do  not  make  too  great  de- 
mands on  their  time.    Guests  should  be  neat  in  their 


VISITING. 


91 


rooms,  and  ladies  will  assist  the  hostess  in  any  way 
possible. 

A  gentleman  who  cannot  entertain  himself  a  part  of 
the  time  is  a  bore.  Let  the  hostess  see  that  you  are 
not  entirely  dependent  on  her  for  amusement.  Do  not 
demand  too  much  from  the  family  horse,  and  if  you 
ride  behind  it  do  not  drive  too  fast,  nor  force  the  coach- 
man to  go  too  far.  Do  not  pick  flowers  without  permis- 
sion. If  you  read  books  taken  from  the  book  case,  put 
them  back,  and  be  careful  not  to  soil  or  dog's-ear  any 
book.  Attend  family  prayers,  if  they  are  read, — this 
may  be  a  little  out  of  your  usual  routine,  but  it  will  not 
hurt  you,  and  it  will  please  your  host.  Never  "  outstay 
your  welcome,"  and  if  you  were  invited  for  a  definite 
time,  such  as  ten  days  or  two  weeks,  or  whatever  it  may 
have  been,  do  not  overstay  the  limit.  To  do  so  would 
look  very  inconsiderate.  On  leaving,  express  to  your 
friends  the  pleasure  your  visit  has  given  you,  and  on 
reaching  home  notify  them  of  your  safe  arrival,  express 
thanks  for  their  hospitality,  and  desire  to  be  remem- 
bered to  the  different  members  of  the  family. 

GENERAL  HINTS. 

Invitations  received  by  the  hostess  should  include  her 
guest;  so,  also,  if  the  guest  has  friends  who  invite  her 
to  their  home,  or  to  any  entertainment,  their  invita- 
tion should  include  the  hostess.  Nevertheless,  no  well- 
bred  hostess  or  guest  will  expect  the  other  to  decline  a 
pleasant  invitation  because  she  is  not  included.  Each 
should  study  the  other's  happiness  and  pleasure. 

A  hostess  is,  to  a  certain  extent,  responsible  for  the 
acquaintances  formed  by  young  ladies  visiting  her,  so 
that  it  is  incumbent  on  her  to  see  that  they  accept  no 
invitations  of  which  their  mothers  might  disapprove. 


92 


VISITING. 


If  you  accidently  injure  any  article  of  furniture  or 
bric-a-brac,  replace  it  quietly  at  your  own  expense. 

A  guest  should  treat  all  friends  of  her  hostess  with 
courtesy,  even  those  by  whom  she  is  not  favorably  im- 
pressed. 

It  is  not  now,  as  formerly,  necessary  that  guests 
should  accompany  the  family  party  to  church,  or  vice 
versa.  Perfect  liberty  is  allowed  in  this  matter^  and 
each  attends  his  or  her  customary  place  of  worship.  A 
friendly  invitation  to  accompany  them  is  always  ex- 
tended by  the  host  and  hostess,  but  with  no  expectation 
that  it  will  be  accepted,  unless  the  guest  prefers.  It  is, 
however,  always  a  pleasant  attention,  especially  to  a 
stranger  in  town,  or  to  an  elderly  lady,  for  one  of  the 
members  of  the  family  to  accompany  her  to  church. 

A  gentleman  may  make  the  hostess  a  present  of  any 
small  article,  such  as  a  book  or  flowers,  and  a  lady  may 
similarly  remember  the  children.  If  she  makes  a  gift, 
it  should  be  to  the  hostess,  or  preferably  to  the  smallest 
child,  if  there  are  several. 

In  England,  every  servant  who  renders  a  guest  any 
service,  expects  a  fee,  and  so  burdensome  do  these  sti- 
pends often  become,  that  invitations  are  frequently  de- 
clined by  those  of  limited  means,  because  of  the  expenses 
thus  entailed.  Fortunately,  in  America,  this  vicious 
practice  does  not  prevail,  and  while  a  small  fee  may  be 
given  to  a  servant  who  renders  some  special  service, 
general  fees  are  not  expected  or  desired  in  the  best  pri- 
vate families. 


BIRTHS,  CHRISTENINGS,  CAUDLE 
PARTIES  AND  CONFIR- 
MATONS. 


HEN  a  child  is  born,  the  lady  friends 
and  acquaintances  call  and  leave  cards, 
with  kind  inquiries,  or  send  them  by  a 
servant.  Gentlemen  do  not  call  at  such 
times,  but  they  may  visit  the  happy  father 
and  inquire  after  the  health  of  the  mother 
,  and  child.  When  the  mother  is  able  to 
I  see  her  friends,  she  sends  her  cards, 
"  with  thanks  for  kind  inquiries  "  written 


thereon,  to  all  those  who  have  called,  or  else  she  has  a 
caudle  party. 

Children  are  usually  named  after  some  relative  or 
intimate  friend,  but  there  is  so  much  freedom  of  choice 
allowed  the  parents  in  selecting  a  name,  that  no  rules 
can  be  laid  down.  Good  taste,  however,  would  seem  to 
suggest  that  names  be  selected  for  their  simplicity  and 
beauty,  rather  than  their  oddity. 

The  baptism  and  christening  are  performed  in  ac- 
cordance with  the  rites  of  the  church  to  which  the 
parents  belong.  In  the  Roman  Catholic  church,  if  the 
child  is  feeble,  the  ceremony  takes  place  as  soon  as  pos- 
sible, the  priest  performing  the  ceremony  at  the  bedside 
of  the  mother.  In  the  Episcopal  church,  the  ceremony 
generally  takes  place  as  soon  as  the  mother  is  able  to  go 
out,  or  when  the  child  is  about  a  month  old.    In  olden 


BIETHS,  CHRISTENINGS,  ETC. 


95 


times  the  ceremony  was  performed  when  the  child  was 
but  three  days  old. 

THE  GOD-PARENTS. 

In  selecting  the  god-parents,  relatives  and  near 
friends  are  given  the  preference,  as,  in  the  old  country, 
the  relation  often  lasts  through  life,  and  much  kindly 
help  or  counsel  may  be  given  by  the  god-parent,  should 
it  be  needed.  A  boy  has  two  god-fathers  and  one  god- 
mother, and  a  girl  has  two  god-mothers  and  one  god- 
father, but  formerly  there  were  two  of  each.  A  note  is 
sent  to  the  person  selected  to  act  as  the  god-parent,  ask- 
ing him  to  assume  that  kindly  office,  and  the  request 
should  not  be  refused,  except  for  some  very  good  reason. 
Although  not  obliged  to  do  so,  it  is  usual  for  god-parents 
to  make  some  present  to  the  child,  such  as  a  knife,  fork, 
spoon,  silver  cup,  or  some  other  article,  and  among  the 
wealthy,  especially  if  the  child  bears  the  god-parent's 
name,  a  very  valuable  present  is  often  made,  in  one 
instance,  a  check  for  fifty  thousand  dollars  having  been 
presented. 

Young  people,  of  course,  are  never  asked  to  stand 
as  sponsors  for  an  infant. 

THE  CHRISTENING  PARTY. 

The  christening  party  and  baptism  usually  take  place 
together,  but  not  necessarily  so,  and  most  people  have 
the  baptism  in  church,  in  accordance  with  the  rites  of 
the  religious  order  to  which  they  belong,  followed  by  a 
luncheon  given  at  home,  to  which  the  friends  are  invited, 
and  especially  the  clergyman  and  his  family.  At  this 
time  the  presents  are  made  to  the  child,  and  the  sponsor 
may  propose  a  toast  in  its  honor.  The  infant  is  often 
very  richly  dressed,  and  it  receives  a  great  deal  of  atten- 


96 


BIRTHS,  CHRISTENINGS,  ETO. 


tion,  for  it  is  the  hero  of  the  occasion;  but  parents 
should  remember  that  too  much  excitement  is  bad  for 
so  young  a  child,  and  not  overtax  its  little  nerves. 

Although  the  church  performs  these  ceremonies  free 
of  charge,  it  is  customary  to  give  the  clergyman  a  pres- 
ent, if  the  parents  are  able. 

When  the  christening  takes  place  at  the  home  of  the 
parents,  invitations  may  be  issued  to  the  relatives  only, 
or  the  friends  and  acquaintances  may  be  included  also. 
The  invitation  may  be  engraved,  or  written  in  the  fol- 
lowing form  : 

Mr.  and  Mrs.  Charles  Thurman  request  the 
honor  of  Mr.  and  Mrs.  Brown's  presence  at  the 
christening  of  their  daughter  (or  son),  on  Thursday, 
May  10th,  at  three  o'clock.  Reception  from  two 
to  five. 
No.  180  Adams  Street. 

These  invitations  should  be  promptly  answered,  and 
those  who  attend  should  wear  a  reception  or  evening 
costume.  Any  other  hour  may  be  chosen,  if  desired,  as 
four  or  five  o'clock.  The  house  should  be  decorated 
with  flowers,  and  after  the  ceremonies,  which  are  per- 
formed in  accordance  with  the  customs  of  the  church 
to  which  the  parents  belong,  congratulations  are  offered 
to  the  mother  and  father.  The  guests  are  then  offered 
refreshments,  which  are  about  the  same  as  those  usually 
prepared  for  other  receptions. 

CAUDLE  PARTIES. 

In  olden  times  it  was  the  custom  to  present  those  who 
called  to  offer  their  congratulations  on  the  arrival  of  a 
little  stranger  (usually  about  three  days  after  its  birth), 
with  a  kind  of   spiced  gruel,  flavored  with  rum  or 


BIRTHS,  CHRISTENINGS,  ETC. 


97 


Madeira,  and  known  as  caudle."  These  refreshments 
were  served  in  china  cups,  used  only  on  these  occasions, 
and  having  a  handle  on  each  side,  so  that  they  could  be 
easily  passed  from  one  to  another.  These  caudle  cups 
were  often  handed  down  as  heir-looms,  and  to-day  they 
are  much  sought  after  as  curiosities.  In  those  good  old 
days  the  husband  also  entertained  his  particular  friends 
at  the  end  of  a  fortnight,  if  the  mother  was  doing  well, 
with  a  kind  of  "  sugared  toast,"  soaked  in  beer.  Such 
seems  to  have  been  the  origin  of  the  caudle  party,  which 
was  long  out  of  date,  but  is  now  coming  into  fashion 
again.  The  caudle  party  is  now  held  when  the  child  is 
about  six  weeks  old.  The  invitations  are  sent  out  a 
week  in  advance,  and  the  following  is  the  form  in  use: 

Mr.  and  Mrs.  Jackson  request  the  pleasure  of 
Mr.  and  Mrs.  Black's  company^  on  Wednesday 
afternoon,  at  tu'o  o'clock. 

175  South  Monroe  Street. 
Caudle.  R.  S.  V.  P. 

Sometimes  the  words,  "No  presents  are  expected," 
are  added.  The  plan  of  having  the  christening  and 
caudle  together  has  been  tried  by  some  parents,  but  the 
church  disapproves  of  this,  it  is  said.  The  mother  re- 
ceives her  guests  in  some  pretty  convalescent  dress,  or, 
if  she  prefers,  in  an  elaborately  trimmed  robe,  and,  of 
course,  the  visitors  are  shown  "  the  handsomest  baby  in 
the  world." 

CONFIRMATION. 

In  the  Episcopal  church,  when  the  children  are  four- 
teen or  fifteen  years  of  age,  the  rite  of  confirmation 
occurs.  Notices  of  confirmations  to  be  held  are  given 
out  in  the  different  churches  some  w^eeks  prior  to  the 


98 


BIRTHS,  CHRISTENINGS,  ETC. 


event,  and  classes  are  formed,  and  instruction  and  pre- 
paration given  during  the  weeks  preceding  the  day 
which  the  bishop  has  appointed.  Here  the  duties  of  god- 
parents come  in,  and  the  church  expects  them  to  see 
that  the  child  is  confirmed,  if  the  parents  are  dead  or 
indifferent  in  the  matter.  Of  course,  those  not  belong- 
ing to  the  Episcopal  church  do  not  observe  this  cere- 
mony ;  but  it  is  a  beautiful  sight,  for  the  girls  are  al- 
ways dressed  in  white,  with  white  gloves  and  long,  white 
veils;  while  the  youths  wear  black  suits,  ties  and  gloves. 
In  this  simple  costume  they  march  two  by  two,  or  more, 
as  maybe  the  custom,  and  kneel  down  before  the  bishop, 
who  lays  his  hands  on  their  heads,  and,  after  a  short 
prayer,  they  rise  and  return  to  their  seats. 


COURTSHIP  AND  ENGAGEMENT 
ETIQUETTE. 


ROB  ABLY  no  otlier  tlieme  lias  so  great  a  fas- 
cination for  all  classes  and  conditions  of 
people  as  love  ;  and  as  this  universal  and 
all-powerful  sentiment  finds  its  outward 
expression  in  courtship  and  marriage,  the 
etiquette  of  these  subjects  must  receive 
attention  in  a  work  of  this  character. 

In  primitive  times,  and  among  savages, 
there  w.ere  three  forms  of  courtship — 
capture,  purchase  and  service.  The  method  of  cap- 
ture was  for  a  man  who  wanted  a  wife  to  seize  and 
abduct  her  from  a  neighboring  tribe,  in  which  case 
she  became  his  property  ;  and  to  this  custom  Sir  John 
Lubbock  attributes  the  origin  of  monogamy.  In  the 
custom  of  purchase,  the  man  bought  a  wife,  paying  for 
her  in  cows,  camels,  reindeer,  or  other  property  ;  and 
in  service,  the  man  performed  a  certain  amount  of 
service  for  the  parents,  to  win  the  daughter,  as  in  the 
case  of  Jacob  who  worked  seven  years  for  Eachel — or 
fourteen  rather,  to  finally  get  her.  In  the  method  of 
capture,  there  was  little  chance  for  personal  choice,  as 
it  was  apt  to  be  dangerous  sport  to  hunt  a  wife,  and  a 
man  caught  the  first  game  he  could  get  ;  but  in  pur- 
chase and  service  there  was  more  chance  for  personal 
preference.  Since  beginning  to  write  this  article, 
a  new  book  has  appeared,  called  "  Eomantic  Love  and 
Personal  Beauty."    The  author  breaks  new  ground  on 


100        COURTSHIP  AND  ENGAGEMENT  ETIQUETTE. 


a  subject  which  is  certainly  worthy  of  serious  study. 
He  asserts  that  this  element  of  personal  preference  (the 
free  choice  of  love)  is  of  the  utmost  importance  to  the 
welfare  of  the  race,  and  the  effort  to  introduce  the 
French  system  of  chaperonage,  now  being  made  in  some 
quarters,  is  a  most  unfortunate  tendency ;  for  our  modern 
romantic  love  depends  for  its  development  on  oppor- 
tunities for  courtship,  and  with  two  young  people 
"three  is  a  crowd."  In  England  and  America  young 
people  have  much  freedom  of  intercourse  before  mar- 
riage, and  do  their  own  courting  largely,  instead  of 
having  their  life  partners  selected  for  them  by  their 
parents,  as  is  the  case  in  some  nations  ;  but  there  is 
doubtless  at  present  much  more  freedom  in  America 
than  in  England- 

In  America  young  gentlemen  are  permitted  to  call 
on  young  ladies  to  whom  their  attentions  are  agreeable 
at  their  homes,  and  to  invite  them  to  ride  and  drive, 
and  to  the  theatre,  concerts  and  balls.  For  a  young 
man  to  confine  these  attentions  to  one  young  lady, 
however,  would  lead  her  and  others  to  suppose  that  he 
was  deeply  interested,  and  would  soon  seek  an  engage- 
ment. For  the  young  lady's  sake,  therefore,  as  well  as 
his  own,  a  young  man  should  not  devote  himself  too 
closely  to  any  one  by  whom  he  is  not  much  impressed. 

A  great  deal  of  nonsensical  talk  is  indulged  in  by 
some  people  now-a-days,  about  the  evil  effects  on  women 
of  education  and  intellectual  development ;  and  some 
men  who  do  not  put  it  into  words  have  a  feeling  that 
somehow  high  intelligence  is  destructive  to  the  domestic 
virtues  ;  that  intellectual  tastes  will  unfit  or  indispose 
a  wife  to  stay  at  home  and  look  after  the  children,  and 
that  a  bright,  clever  woman  will  not  entertain  a  devoted 
attachment  to  them.  This  is  a  most  mistaken  idea.  In 
the  great  battle  of  life  it  is  worth  everything  to  a  man  to 


COURTSHIP  AND  ENGAGEMENT  ETIQUETTE.  101 

have  a  clear-headed,  intelligent  wife  to  help  and  encour- 
age him.  Next  to  a  faithless  woman  there  is  no  burden 
like  a  foolish  woman.  The  good  sense,  the  broad  com- 
prehension, the  enlarged  field  of  thought,  which  comes 
with  high  intelligence,  will  help  a  woman  to  bear  the 
harrassing  cares  and  troubles  of  life,  and  lift  her  above 
its  petty  jealousies  and  prejudices.  And  so  to  any 
young  man  we  say  :  Intelligence  is  the  best  of  dowries. 
Do  not  fear  or  shun  it,  but  win  it  if  you  can. 

No  young  lady  should  encourage  the  attentions  of  a 
young  man  she  does  not  really  like,  as  she  may  permit 
him  to  think  his  suit  will  be  accepted,  and  he  may 
become  so  far  infatuated  that  a  rejection  will  be  a 
serious  matter.  Any  lady  with  tact  can  easily  repulse 
an  unacceptable  suitor  without  being  rude. 

Parents  should  keep  close  watch  of  the  gentlemen 
who  visit  their  daughters,  and  try  and  prevent  their 
going  with  those  whose  characters  are  not  above 
reproach.  At  the  same  time  much  tact  is  needed  to  avoid 
coming  too  directly  in  conflict  with  the  young  lady's 
feelings  :  and  it  is  better  to  appeal  to  her  reason  at  first 
than  to  resort  to  the  parental  authority.  A  change  of 
scene  may  be  tried  by  traveling  or  visiting,  and  she 
may  be  introduced  to  other  and  worthier  men.  When, 
however,  a  daughter  (or  a  son)  is  infatuated  with  an 
utterly  worthless  or  unfit  person,  the  parental  authority 
may  be  asserted  ;  and  if  the  authority  is  then  defied, 
the  parents  will  have  no  occasion  to  reproach  them- 
selves afterwards. 

While  there  are  doubtless  cases  of  love  at  first  sight, 
we  believe,  as  a  rule,  it  is  based  on  a  harmony  of  tastes 
and  temperaments,  and  a  thorough  acquaintance  with 
each  other  before  the  engagement  is  much  the  safest 
course.  Certainly  there  can  be  little  lasting  love  not 
based  on  mutual  confidence  and  esteem. 


102        COURTSHIP  AND  ENGAGEMENT  ETIQUETTE. 

We  need  hardly  say  that  no  prudent  and  modest  girl 
should  start  a  correspondence,  perhaps  in  answer  to  an 
advertisement,  with  wholly  unknown  parties.  Such  a 
course  is  foolish  in  the  extreme,  and  often  ends  in 
misery,  and  almost  iu variably  in  disappointment.  Don't 
try  it. 

THE  PROPOSAL. 

Courtship  should  culminate  in  a  proposal  of  mar- 
riage, and  for  this  no  rules  can  be  laid  down.  The 
lover  must  be  guided  by  his  own  feelings,  and  a  true 
woman  knows  what  he  would  say,  often,  better  than  he 
does  himself.  Women,  as  a  rule,  like  bold  and  coura- 
geous lovers,  but  a  bashful  man  may  well  send  his 
proposal  by  letter,  if  he  fears  to  trust  himself  at  such  a 
time  ;  but  a  stammering  manner,  that  results  from  deep 
feeling,  is  often  the  best  advocate.  A  gentleman  may 
ask  for  a  reconsideration  or  for  a  suspension  of  the 
verdict  at  the  first  refusal,  but  no  true  gentleman  will 
thrust  his  attentions  on  a  lady  after  she  has  had  time  for 
reflection  and  clearly  indicated  that  they  are  not  agree- 
able, so  that  the  verdict  seems  final.  He  has  no  right 
to  demand  the  reason  for  her  refusal.  To  persist  in 
his  suit  would  be  in  very  bad  taste.  He  must  treat 
her  with  respect,  but  maintain  his  own  dignity  and 
avoid  her  as  much  thereafter  as  possible. 

The  methods  of  soliciting  a  lady's  hand  vary  greatly 
in  different  countries.  In  France,  the  preliminaries  of 
marriage  are  nearly  all  arranged  by  the  parents.  Some 
authorities  insist  that  a  young  man  should  obtain  the 
consent  of  the  parents  before  paying  his  attentions  to 
the  daughter.  That  is  the  English  rule ;  but  in  America 
the  young  people  are  left  to  settle  most  of  these  things 
for  themselves,  and  the  gentleman  usually  ascertains 


COUKTSHIP  AND  ENGAGEMENT  ETIQUETTE.  103 


the  young  lady's  feeling  before  consulting  the  parents. 
Most  men  would  take  a  young  lady  they  loved  without 
the  parents'  consent,  if  it  was  refused.  A  young  lady, 
however,  should  pay  due  attention  to  the  opinions  and 
wishes  of  her  parents,  regarding  the  character  of  the 
young  men  who  visit  her,  as  they  are  her  natural  guard- 
ians, and  are  deeply  interested  in  her  welfare. 

Proposals  made  on  very  brief  acquaintance,  are  fool- 
ish and  presumptuous.  They  are  usually  made  by  ad- 
venturers or  shallow  pates,  and  the  lady  who  would 
accept  a  gentleman  on  so  slight  an  acquaintance,  hardly 
possesses  the  discretion  necessary  to  make  a  good  wife. 

A  gentleman  should  never  propose  to  a  lady  who  is 
a  guest  at  his  own  home.  Some  people  say  that  an  offer 
of  marriage  should  always  be  made  to  a  young  lady  at 
her  own  home,  but  this  is  not  demanded  by  the  present 
custom. 

When  accepted,  a  gentleman  asks  a  young  lady's 
parents  for  her  hand,  and  he  should  not  hesitate  at  such 
a  time  to  explain  to  them  his  exact  financial  condition 
and  prospects. 

CONDUCT  WHILE  ENGAGED. 

After  the  engagement,  the  gentleman  may  present 
his  affianced  with  an  engagement  ring.  This  may  be 
whatever  his  means  will  justify,  but  it  should  always 
be  genuine.  The  plain  gold  ring,  with  the  date  of  the 
engagement  engraved  inside,  is  much  used,  but  a  fine 
solitaire  diamond  is  often  preferred  by  the  wealthy,  and 
a  diamond  and  ruby  or  sapphire,  set  at  right  angles,  is  a 
late  fashion.  The  ring  should  be  worn  on  the  third 
finger  (next  the  little  finger)  of  the  lady's  left  hand. 
Other  small  presents  may  be  made  to  the  lady,  unless 
she  shows  scruples  about  receiving  them,  in  which  case 


104        COURTSHIP  AND  ENGAGEMENT  ETIQUETTE. 

her  wishes  should  be  respected.  Flowers  are  always 
appropriate  presents  at  such  a  time. 

For  a  gentleman  to  make  some  present  to  his  fianc6e 
as  a  memento  of  the  betrothal,  is  a  very  old  custom. 
Among  the  Bomans  the  friends  of  the  families  were 
called  together,  and  a  feast  was  prepared,  at  the  con- 
clusion of  which  the  lover  placed  a  ring  on  the  third 
finger  of  the  left  hand  of  his  affianced,  as  they  had  an  idea 
that  a  nerve  went  from  this  finger  directly  to  the  heart. 
The  marriage  contract  and  the  dowry  were  also  arranged 
on  this  occasion.  In  Holland  the  friends  and  neigh- 
bors celebrate  a  betrothal  by  assembling  and  consuming 
the  hriudsuker  (bridal  sugar),  and  hriudstranen  (bridal 
tears),  as  they  term  the  spiced  wine  drunk  at  such  times. 
In  England  it  was  once  a  custom  to  break  in  two  a  gold 
or  silver  coin,  and  each  party  preserved  a  half  in  token 
of  an  agreement  to  marry.  An  old  superstition  forbade 
the  use  of  either  an  opal  or  emerald  in  an  engagement 
ring — the  first  because  it  denoted  change,  and  the  latter 
jealousy. 

A  young  lady  should  not,  according  to  the  strict 
rules  of  etiquette,  travel,  nor  stay  at  the  same  hotel 
unaccompanied,  with  the  gentleman  to  whom  she  is  en- 
gaged ;  nor  should  she  go  alone  with  him  to  parties, 
theatres  or  concerts.  When  they  attend  entertainments 
together  she  should  be  accompanied  by  a  chaperon. 
This  is  the  English  rule,  which  is  also  observed  by  some 
of  the  stricter  families  in  America  ;  but  society  generally 
allows  much  more  latitude  in  these  matters  in  America 
than  in  England. 

As  soon  as  their  wedding  cards  have  been  sent  out, 
most  ladies  decline  all  invitations  to  appear  in  public 
until  after  their  marriage. 

When  a  gentleman  is  engaged  to  a  lady,  he  should 
treat  her  whole  family  —  father  and  mother,  brothers 


COURTSHIP  AND  ENGAGEMENT  ETIQUETTE.  105 

and  sisters — cordially  and  frankly.  He  should  try  and 
win  their  good  will,  and  should  conform  to  their  family 
customs  as  much  as  possible  while  with  them. 

If  the  young  lady  has  a  private  fortune,  it  should, 
in  part  at  least,  be  secured  for  her  own  control.  Even 
though  her  husband  may  be  perfectly  honorable  and 
true  to  her,  he  may  be  unfortunate  in  his  business  ven- 
tures, and  it  is  certainly  prudent  not  to  involve  all  of  her 
means  in  his  operations. 

A  new  custom  at  present  is  for  a  young  lady  to  write 
her  intimate  friends  that  on  a  certain  day  (always  soon) 
her  engagement  will  be  announced.  Calls  are  made  on 
that  day,  or  congratulatory  notes  sent,  by  all  who  have 
heard  from  her.  Many  friends  send  flowers,  and  she 
holds  an  informal  and  very  pleasant  reception. 

When  the  engagement  is  announced,  the  gentleman's 
parents  should  call  on  the  lady,  and  treat  her  most  cor- 
dially; or  they  may  invite  her  to  visit  them,  bo  that  they 
may  become  acquainted  with  her.  The  young  lady's 
parents  also  should  extend  civilities  to  the  fiance-,  and 
the  two  families  should  exchange  calls  and  establish 
friendly  relations. 

During  the  engagement,  the  gentleman  should  not 
publicly  escort  other  ladies  and  neglect  his  future  bride; 
nor  should  she  accept  attentions  from  other  men.  They 
need  not  withdraw  from  society,  however,  but  he  is  her 
legitimate  escort,  and  he  has  the  first  claim  upon  her. 
They  should  maintain  an  attitude  of  mutual  respect 
and  confidence,  but  any  public  demonstration  of  affec- 
tion would  be  extremely  vulgar. 

BREAKING  AN  ENGAGEMENT. 

To  break  an  engagement  is  no  trifling  matter,  and 
should  not  be  lightly  done ;  and  yet,  if  it  becomes  evi- 


106        COURTSHIP  AND  ENGAGEMENT  ETIQUETTE. 

dent  that  the  parties  are  not  adapted  to  each  other,  or 
that  the  marriage  is  likely  to  prove  an  unhappy  one, 
there  should  be  no  hesitation  in  severing  the  engage- 
ment. Better,  far  better,  to  do  this  than  risk  a  life-long 
misery.  On  breaking  the  engagement  (which  is  often 
done  best  by  letter),  everything  in  the  way  of  letters, 
gifts  or  portraits,  should  be  returned.  The  other  party 
should  accept  the  matter  with  dignity,  and  at  once 
make  a  similar  return.  In  most  instances  of  this  kind, 
time  will  soon  heal  the  heartaches. 


ETIQUETTE  OF  WEDDINGS. 


HEN  a  courtship  has  culminated  in  an  en- 
gagement, the  next  step  is  that  of  mar- 
riage. This  is  both  a  civil  and  religious 
ceremony,  but  it  has,  by  universal  con- 
sent, been  made  a  Joyous  and  festive 
occasion  in  all  nations  and  ages.  The 
union  of  two  loving  hearts  invokes  an 
approving  smile  from  all  classes  of  peo- 
ple, and  while  the  forms  vary  somewhat 
in  different  religious  denominations,  and  in  civil  and 
religious  marriages,  it  can  be  set  down  as  a  rule  that 
the  ceremony  of  a  grand  wedding  is  always  substanti- 
ally the  same. 

A  WEDDING  IX  CHUECH. 

If  the  wedding  is  held  in  churchy  the  following  is 
the  usual  form.  The  guests  should  arrive  early,  and 
they  are  escorted  to  their  seats  by  the  ushers,  who  seat 
the  nearest  relatives  in  the  front  seats,  the  bride's  kin 
on  the  left  and  the  bridegroom's  on  the  right,  and  dis- 
tant relatives  and  acquaintances  further  back.  The 
bride  and  bridegroom  do  not  meet  on  the  wedding  day 
until  they  meet  at  the  chancel  of  the  church. 

The  bridegroom  should  drive  to  the  church  in  com- 
pany with  his  "best  man,"  and  arrive  there  before  the 
bride,  waiting  for  her  in  the  vestry  room.  He  should 
wear  a  full  morning  dress — that  is,  a  dark  or  black 
frock  coat  and  vest,  light  trousers,  light  tie,  and  light 
tinted  gloves,  if  any. 

The  bride  should  be  dressed  in  white  silk,  satin, 


108 


ETIQUETTE  OF  WEDDINGS. 


tulle,  or  any  white  material,  with  a  veil  of  point  lace  or 
white  tulle,  and  a  wreath  of  white  roses  and  orange 
blossoms.  She  wears  no  jewelry.  She  is  driven  to  the 
church,  accompanied  by  her  father,  who  is  to  give  her 
away.  Her  mother  and  bridesmaids  should  have  pre- 
ceded her. 

When  the  procession  has  been  formed,  the  organ 
peals  forth  a  wedding  march,  and  the  ushers  march  up 
the  aisle  first,  two  and  two,  keeping  step  with  the  music, 
and  on  reaching  the  altar  they  separate,  going  to  the 
right  and  left.  Then  the  bridesmaids  follow,  also  sep- 
arating and  going  to  the  right  and  left.  Sometimes 
there  are  child  bridesmaids,  who  either  follow  or  pre- 
cede the  others.  The  bride  follows,  leaning  on  her 
father's  right  arm.  As  he  approaches  the  steps,  the 
bridegroom  (who  should  have  come  from  the  vestry 
room  and  be  standing  with  his  *'best  man"  at  the 
clergyman's  left)  advances  to  receive  her,  and  takes  her 
by  the  right  hand  to  the  altar,  where  they  kneel,  the  bride 
at  the  bridegroom's  left.  The  clergyman  being  in  his 
place,  they  rise  in  a  moment,  and  the  ceremony  pro- 
ceeds in  accordance  with  the  rite  of  the  church.  Dur- 
ing the  ceremony  soft  music  may  be  discoursed,  or  not, 
as  the  bride  prefers.  When  the  clergyman  asks,  "  Who 
giveth  this  woman  to  be  married  to  this  man?"  the 
father,  who  having  escorted  the  bride  to  the  altar  now 
stands  a  little  behind  her,  gives  his  consent  by  bowing, 
instead  of  coming  forward  as  was  formerly  the  custom 
and  placing  her  hand  in  that  of  the  clergyman.  The 
father  then  takes  his  seat  in  the  front  pew  beside  the 
bride's  mother,  as  his  part  in  the  ceremony  is  over. 

To  avoid  delay  in  removing  the  glove,  the  ring  finger 
of  the  glove  may  be  cut,  so  that  it  will  easily  slip  off 
alone  without  trouble,  or  cut  down  the  side,  so  that  it 
can  be  turned  back. 


ETIQUETTE  OF  WEDDINGS. 


109 


When  the  ceremony  is  over,  and  the  twain  are  made 
one,  the  clergyman  stoops  forward  and  offers  his  con- 
gratulations, but  does  not  kiss  the  bride  that  custom 
being  no  longer  allowable. 

The  organ  now  breaks  out  in  joyous  peals,  and  the 
bridegroom  offers  his  left  arm  to  the  bride,  and  they 
march  down  the  aisle  to  the  carriage.  It  is,  however, 
considered  bad  form  for  the  bride  to  bow  to  or  notice 
any  one  in  the  church  while  going  to  and  from  the  altar. 
Having  entered  the  carriage,  the  bride  and  bridegroom 
are  driven  together  to  the  bride's  home. 

The  bridesmaids  and  groomsmen  follow  down  the 
aisle,  and  are  also  driven  to  the  bride's  home.  The 
bridesmaids  are  there  divided,  half  on  either  side  of  the 
bride  and  bridegroom,  who  stand  together  and  receive 
the  congratulations  and  best  wishes  of.  their  friends.  The 
ushers  stand  at  the  drawing-room  door,  and,  receiving 
the  guests  as  they  arrive  fi'om  the  church  to  attend  the 
reception,  they  present  them,  one  by  one  by  name,  to  the 
newly  married  pair. 

After  an  hour  or  two  thus  spent,  the  bride  and  bride- 
groom retire,  and  after  changing  her  clothes  for  the 
wedding  journey  (in  which  she  is  assisted  by  her  inti- 
mate friends),  the  bride  reappears.  She  is  joined  by 
the  bridegroom,  who  has  also  dressed  for  the  trip,  and 
the  bride  is  kissed  by  her  friends,  and  the  happy  couple 
drive  away.  The  custom  of  throwing  a  shoe  (or  slipper) 
after  the  bridal  pair  is  very  old.  It  was  said  to  origin- 
ally symbolize  the  father's  renunciation,  but  now  it  sug- 
gests good  luck,  and  is  often  jestingly  practiced. 

Many  slight  changes  may  be  introduced  into  the 
ceremony,  such  as  changing  the  order  of  the  procession 
that  marches  up  the  aisle  of  the  church  to  the  marriage 
altar,  and  so  on,  but  the  form  is  substantially  the  same 
always. 


110 


ETIQUETTE  OF  WEDDINGS. 


A  WEDDING  AT  HOME. 

If  the  ceremony  is  held  at  home,  it  is  often  simpler, 
and  involves  much  1  ess  expense  and  trouble.  The  brides- 
maids and  groomsmen  are,  as  a  rule,  dispensed  with. 
When  the  wedding  guests  have  assembled,  and  the  time 
for  the  ceremony  arrives,  the  clergyman  enters  the  room 
first,  and  takes  his  stand,  facing  the  company.  The 
bride  and  bridegroom  follow  and  face  the  clergyman. 

Sometimes  an  altar  is  improvised  and  dressed  with 
flowers,  and  hassocks  are  provided  for  the  bride  and 
bridegroom  to  kneel  upon.  After  they  are  declared  man 
and  wife,  the  bride  and  bridegroom  take  the  clergyman's 
place,  and  the  friends  advance  and  extend  their  con- 
gratulations. The  relatives  advance  first,  and  then  the 
intimate  friends,  and  lastly  the  acquaintances.  The  old 
custom  of  kissing  the  bride  is  now  obsolete,  only  a  few 
relatives  being  allowed  the  privilege.  In  offering  con- 
gratulations, it  is  the  bridegroom  and  not  the  bride  who 
is  congratulated. 

If  the  wedding  is  held  in  the  evening,  dancing  is 
often  provided  for,  but  the  bride  can  retire  at  any  time 
to  dress  for  her  departure  without  checking  the  gayety. 
In  all  nations  a  wedding  has  been  an  occasion  for  rejoic- 
ing and  festivities.  It  is  not  usual  for  a  bride  to  dance 
at  her  own  wedding,  although  she  may,  if  she  chooses, 
join  in  a  square  dance. 

Many  brides  prefer  a  simple  wedding,  and  are 
married  in  their  traveling  dresses,  leaving  at  once  for 
their  wedding  tour,  without  waiting  for  congratulations; 
and  there  is  no  more  honorable  and  appropriate  wedding 
than  one  celebrated  in  the  presence  of  the  family  alone. 
Fashionable  weddings  are  often  prompted  by  policy 
rather  than  love,  and  many  a  fashionable  belle  longs  for 
a  freer  and  less  artificial  life. 


ETIQUETTE  OF  WEDDINGS. 


Ill 


THE  HOXEYXOOX. 

The  Germans  had  an  old  custom  of  drinking  a  bever- 
age (mead  or  metheglin)  made  out  of  honey  for  thirty 
days  after  the  wedding,  and  it  is  said  that  from  this 
comes  onr  term  of  "honeymoon."  TVith  our  restless 
Americans  the  honeymoon  does  not  usually  last  more 
than  a  fortnight,  and  seclusion  during  that  period  is  not 
at  present  demanded  by  society. 

THE  ENGLISH  WEDDING  BEEAKEAST. 

The  attempt  to  introduce  the  English  wedding  break- 
fasts in  this  country  is  comparatively  new,  and  they  are 
not  at  present  very  common.  They  may  be  either 
"sit-down"  or  "stand-up"  affairs.  The  "stand-up" 
breakfasts  are  less  formal  than  the  others,  and  the  gen- 
tlemen help  the  ladies  and  themselves  from  a  long  table 
in  the  center  of  the  room,  while  the  bridal  party  is  pro- 
vided with  small  tables  at  the  side  of  the  room. 

For  the  wedding  breakfast,  invitations  are  issued  ten 
days  or  two  weeks  in  advance,  which  must  be  answered 
the  same  as  for  a  dinner  party.  At  the  formal  "  sit- 
down"  breakfast,  when  it  is  announced,  the  bride  and 
bridegroom  lead  the  way,  followed  by  the  bride's  father 
who  escorts  the  bridegroom's  mother.  The  bridegroom's 
father  comes  next  with  the  bride's  mother,  then  the  best 
man  follows  with  the  first  bridesmaid,  then  the  brides- 
maids with  their  escorts,  and  lastly  the  invited  guests 
in  the  order  arranged  by  the  hostess. 

Hot  and  cold  enirSes,  salads,  game,  chickens,  jellies, 
creams,  etc.,  are  served;  with  many,  wines  take  the  place 
of  tea  and  coffee,  which  are  omitted.  All  the  dishes  are 
handed  by  the  servants,  but  the  fruits  and  bon-bons  are 
placed  on  the  table.  Dinner  napkins  are  always  used, 
but  the  finger-bowls  and  doilies  are  omitted.    At  the 


112  ETIQUETTE  OF  WEDDINGS. 

« 

conclusion  of  the  meal  the  wedding-cake  is  set  before 
the  bride  and  she  cuts  a  slice  ;  but  the  real  cutting  of 
the  cake  is  left  for  the  servants.  Each  guest  is  expected 
to  take  at  least  a  fragment  of  the  cake  as  it  is  passed. 

The  toasts  which  are  now  expected  to  follow  are 
apt  to  be  dry  and  dull,  and  to  this  fashion  Americans 
are  not  likely  to  take  kindly.  The  health  of  the  bride 
and  groom  is  usually  proposed  by  the  father  of  the 
groom,  or  the  oldest  friend  of  the  family  present,  and 
responded  to  by  the  bride's  father  or  the  bridegroom. 
The  bridegroom's  father  proposes  the  health  of  the 
bride's  father  and  mother,  and  the  bride's  father  re- 
sponds, proposing  in  turn  the  health  of  the  bridegroom's 
father  and  mother.  The  bridegroom  proposes  the  health 
of  the  bridesmaids,  and  the  "best  man"  responds.  The 
speeches  should  be  short. 

At  the  conclusion  of  the  toasts  the  bride  retires  to 
put  on  her  traveling  dress,  and  the  gentlemen  accom- 
pany the  ladies  to  the  drawing  room,  not  staying  behind 
to  smoke  and  drink  wine. 

A  WIDOW  REMARRYING. 

When  a  widow  remarries,  she  should  not  wear  a 
bridal  veil — and  orange  blossoms  never — and  most  au- 
thorities decide  against  her  having  bridesmaids.  She 
may  wear  a  light-colored  silk  or  other  dress,  but  not 
white.  On  her  wedding  cards  her  maiden  name  appears, 
before  that  of  her  late  husband.  For  obvious  reasons, 
her  first  wedding  ring  should  be  removed.  She  should 
be  attended  by  her  father,  brother,  or  some  near  relative. 

CHOOSING  THE  WEDDING  DAY. 

It  is  the  bride's  privilege  to  choose  the  wedding  day, 
and  any  day  in  the  year  may  be  chosen,  but  ever  since 


ETIQUETTE  OF  WEDDINGS. 


113 


the  time  of  the  Eomans,  May  has  been  considered  an 
unlucky  month,  and,  of  course,  all  know  that  Friday  is 
regarded  as  an  unlucky  day.  These,  however,  are  pure 
superstitions,  which  the  intelligence  of  the  present  day 
hardly  justifies.  Happy  is  the  bride  that  the  sun 
shines  on,"  is  an  old  maxim,  and  the  sombre  winter 
months  seem  less  appropriate  than  the  other  seasons  of 
the  year,  spring,  summer  and  autumn.  June  and  Octo- 
ber are  favorite  months. 

THE  BRIDAL  TOUR. 

Fashion  no  longer  demands  that  the  newly  married 
pair  shall  take  a  bridal  tour,  although  these  trips  are 
common.  After  the  excitement  of  a  wedding,  a  quiet 
honeymoon,  exempt  from  the  demands  of  society,  is  de- 
sired usually,  and  readily  granted.  In  England,  the 
brides  may  wear  very  showy  dresses  on  their  wedding 
tours,  but  in  America  this  is  not  ^allowed  by  fashion, 
dark  cashmeres  and  plain  cloths  being  preferred.  Bon- 
nets are  also  more  suitable  than  round  hats.  Any  public 
display  of  affection  is  ridiculous  at  this  time,  as  well  as 
at  all  others.  A  respectful  attitude  should  be  main- 
tained towards  each  other  when  in  public,  and  all 
caresses  reserved  for  private  occasions. 

RECEPTIONS  FOR  THE  NEWLY  MARRIED  PAIR. 

The  mother  of  the  bride  usually  gives  a  reception 
for  the  bridal  pair  after  their  return  from  the  wedding 
tour,  if  one  was  not  given  after  the  wedding,  and  then 
one  may  be  given  by  the  parents  of  the  bridegroom  also. 

REQUIREMENTS  OF  THOSE  WHO  ARE  IN  MOURNING. 

When  a  marriage  occurs  in  a  family  that  is  in  mourn- 
ing, all,  even  a  mother,  lay  aside  their  mourning  for  tJie 


114  ETIQUETTE  OF  WEDDINGS. 

time  being.  In  England,  the  mourning  widow  would 
wear  deep  red  cardinal,  but  in  America,  purple  velvet 
or  silk  may  be  worn  at  a  daughter's  wedding.  Friends 
who  are  in  mourning  and  receive  invitations,  usually- 
absent  themselves  from  the  wedding  festivities,  as  it  is 
considered  by  many  an  ill  omen  to  see  heavy  mourning 
at  a  wedding,  and  the  sombre  dress  is  certainly  illy  in 
keeping  with  the  joyousness  of  the  occasion. 

THE  BEST  MAN. 

The  "  best  man  "  is  usually  the  brother  or  some  inti- 
mate friend  of  the  bridegroom.  He  should  drive  to 
church  with  the  bridegroom,  and  stand  by  him  at  the 
altar  while  waiting  for  the  bride.  He  pays  the  clergy- 
man's fee,  and  then  drives  to  the  bride's  home  for  the 
wedding  reception,  and  presents  the  guests  to  the  bride 
and  bridegroom.  He  may  also  sign  the  marriage  reg- 
ister as  witness.  He  wears  a  full  morning  suit,  light 
tie,  and  light  gloves,  if  any. 

At  the  modern  wedding  groomsmen  are  rarely  seen, 
the  '*best  man"  alone  supporting  the  bridegroom. 

THE  BKIDESMAIDS. 

If  the  bride  has  a  sister,  she  usually  acts  as  lirst 
bridesmaid,  and  the  others  may  be  chosen  from  her 
relatives  or  friends.  Any  number,  from  two  to  twelve, 
may  be  chosen,  but  six  or  eight  is  a  fashionable  number. 
It  is  the  bride's  privilege  to  choose  the  dresses,  but  she 
should  regard  the  tastes  of  the  others  as  well  as  her 
own.  When  there  are  a  number  of  bridesmaids,  part 
are  often  dressed  in  one  color  and  part  in  another.  Such 
expensive  dresses  as  to  drain  her  friends'  purses,  should 
not  be  demanded.  A  present  may  be  made  by  the 
bride  to  each  bridesmaid,  of  some  article  to  serve  as  a 


ETIQUETTE  OF  WEDDIXGS 


115 


memento  of  the  occasion,  and  the  bridegroom  often 
gives  a  simple  present  to  each  groomsman.  Of  conrse, 
without  some  excellent  reason,  no  one  should  refuse  to 
act  as  bridesmaid  or  groomsman,  for  it  is  a  mark  of 
fi'iendship  to  be  asked  to  serve.  A  bridesmaid  who  is 
prevented  from  officiating  by  illness  or  other  cause, 
should  notify  the  bride  at  once,  so  that  she  can  make 
other  arrangements.  Of  course,  married  women  should 
never  be  selected  for  bridesmaids. 

Occasionally  there  is  only  one  bridesmaid,  in  which 
case  she  should  be  escorted  to  the  altar  by  the  bride- 
groom's brother,  her  own  fiance,  or  some  other  friend. 
It  is  not  the  correct  thing  for  the  "  best  man  "  to  escort 
her,  as  his  duties  are  to  attend  to  the  bridegroom  until 
the  ceremony  is  over. 

THE  USHEES. 

The  ushers  wear  a  full  morning  suit,  and  light 
gloves,  and  a  button-hole  bouquet.  They  arrive  at  the 
church  early,  and  seat  the  guests,  giving  the  relatives 
the  front  seats  (those  of  the  groom  on  the  right,  and 
those  of  the  bride  on  the  left),  and  after  the  ceremonies 
they  go  to  the  reception  and  assist  in  presenting  the 
guests  to  the  bride  and  bridegroom.  In  England,  the 
sexton  of  the  church  seats  the  guests,  and  there  are  no 
ushers.  An  usher  may  very  properly  ask  a  lady  who 
wants  a  seat  whether  she  is  a  relative  of  either  party, 
as  he  cannot  be  expected  to  know  all  those  in  attendance. 

THE  WEDDIXG  PKESEXTS. 

The  custom  of  giving  wedding  presents  originated 
among  the  thrifty  Dutch,  in  a  very  generous  desire  to 
help  the  young  people  begin  housekeeping,  but  it  has 
become  too  often  an  occasion  for  the  proud  display  of 


116  ETIQUETTE  OF  WEDDINGS. 

the  giver's  riches,  rather  than  his  good  will.  With  all 
sensible  and  right-minded  people,  the  spirit  which 
prompts  it  is  of  more  value  than  the  gift  itself.  No 
one  should  hesitate  to  send  a  gift  because  it  is  not 
so  costly  as  those  offered  by  wealthier  friends,  and  a 
piece  of  embroidery,  or  some  article  made  by  one's  own 
hand,  is  often  particularly  complimentary  as  indicating 
personal  interest.  The  ostentatious  display,  and  the 
vain  and  selfish  spirit  often  prompting  wedding  gifts, 
led  many  sensible  people  to  revolt  at  receiving  them, 
and  so  they  would  add  on  their  cards,  "  No  presents 
received,"  but  now,  happily,  this  is  less  needed  than 
formerly.  In  these  days  of  rapidly  increasing  pri- 
vate fortunes,  very  costly  presents  are  often  made  by 
the  wealthy,  and  no  rules  can  be  laid  down,  as  the  pres- 
ents are  dictated  only  by  the  taste  of  the  sender.  When 
a  gift  is  bought,  the  giver's  card  is  attached  to  it,  and  it 
is  usually  sent  by  the  merchant  directly  to  the  bride. 

Presents  may  be  sent  at  any  time  during  the  two 
months  preceding  the  wedding,  and  it  is  well  to  send 
them  as  early  as  possible,  to  allow  the  bride  time  to 
acknowledge  their  receipt  and  arrange  them  for  display. 
The  receipt  of  each  gift  should  be  promptly  and  invari- 
ably acknowledged  by  the  bride,  who  should  personally 
write  a  note  of  thanks  on  a  sheet  of  note  paper,  and  not 
on  a  visiting  card.  The  bride  should  not  fail  to  acknowl- 
edge gifts  from  those  she  does  not  know,  as  they  may 
be  from  some  friend  of  her  fianc^-,  who  would  be  hurt 
the  neglect. 

The  matter  of  displaying  the  wedding  presents  is 
left  to  the  bride's  choice.  Some  do  not  show  them 
at  all,  considering  it  ostentatious.  Others  devote  a 
room  to  the  display,  arranging  the  presents  with  the 
sender's  card  attached  to  each  one;  doubtless  the  best 
form  avoids  all  parade.    Clocks,  jewelry,  fans,  silver- 


ETIQUETTE  OF  WEDDINGS. 


117 


ware,  china — almost  anything,  is  appropriate  for  pre- 
sentation at  such  a  time.  The  bridegroom  may  make 
any  present  he  chooses  to  the  bride,  and  on  the  wedding 
day  should,  of  course,  send  her  a  bouquet.  In  France, 
the  relatives  club  together  and  raise  a  sum  of  money, 
which  is  sent  to  the  mother,  to  be  expended  as  she 
deems  best ;  and,  in  this  country,  thoughtful  friends 
sometimes  consult  each  other  to  avoid  the  awkwardness 
of  having  several  friends  send  the  same  thing. 

THE  INVITATIONS. 

The  invitations  to  the  wedding  should  be  engraved 
in  plain  script,  and  printed  on  fine,  heavy  note  paper. 
Neither  Old  English  nor  German  Text  letters  are  allow- 
able. The  following  is  the  usual  form,  but  a  much 
better  form  is  to  "request  the  honor  (or  pleasure)  of 
your  company  at  the  marriage,  etc.,"  and  it  is  being 
adopted  now  by  many  cultivated  people : 


118 


ETIQUETTE  OF  WEDDINGS. 


An  invitation  to  the  reception  after  the  wedding  is 
sent  to  the  more  intimate  friends,  and  is  often  in  this 
form: 


In  cities,  where  there  is  a  large  circle  of  formal 
acquaintances,  they  are  all  invited  to  the  church,  and 
only  the  nearer  friends  to  the  reception.  When  the 
ceremony  is  at  church  and  excites  public  curiosity,  to 
protect  the  guests,  they  receive  admission  cards,  in  the 
following  form: 


The  cards  should  be  sent  out  ten  days  or  two  weeks 
before  the  wedding.  The  envelopes  used  should  be  per- 
fectly plain.    "When  the  wedding  is  private,  marriage 


ETIQUETTE  OF  WEDDINGS.  119 


notices  are  sent  to  friends,  usually   in  this  form: 


After  a  wedding,  the  newly  married  couple  should 
send  notices  to  their  friends,  giving  their  new  address, 
so  that  they  may  be  easily  found,  as  a  failure  to  do  this 
often  causes  much  perplexity.  The  following,  or  a  sim- 
ilar form,  is  sometimes  sent  with  the  notice  of  the 
marriage : 


Or,  instead  of  the  "  after  November  first,"  it  may  be, 
''Thursdays  in  November,"  or  whenever  it  is  desired  to 
receive.  Sometimes  this  and  the  preceding  card  are 
combined  in  one,  the  essential  thing  being  to  give 
friends  notice  of  the  marriage,  the  new  addi-ess,  and  the 
time  for  receiving. 


120 


ETIQUETTE  OF  WEDDINGS. 


After  a  private  wedding,  parents  sometimes  send  out 
an  announcement  to  their  friends  and  acquaintances, 
and  we  have  seen  no  better  form  than  the  following: 


This  form  is  concise,  and  gives  the  new  address  of 
the  bride,  which  is  very  desirable. 

After  the  wedding  invitations  are  issued,  the  bride 
does  not  appear  in  public  until  the  wedding  occurs. 

Those  about  to  be  married  should  make  out  a  careful 
list  of  all  their  friends  and  acquaintances,  as  an  omis- 
sion of  a  name  at  such  a  time  is  a  serious  slight,  and 
think  of  trying  to  apologize  by  saying,  "Oh,  I  com- 
pletely forgot  you! "  No  one  thinks  it  strange  to  receive 
wedding  cards — it  is  rather  a  compliment.    To  send 


At  Home  after  December  third, 
at  920  Lincoln  Street. 


ETIQUETTE  OF  WEDDLN'GS. 


121 


cards  to  each  member  of  a  family  is  unnecessary.  See 
what  we  say  in  onr  chapter  on  '*  Cards,"  about  sending 
cards  to  different  members  of  a  large  family. 

ANSWERING  WEDDING  IXYITATIOXS. 

Those  who  receive  cards  to  the  wedding  and  cannot 
attend,  should  send  or  leave  their  own  cards  within  ten 
days  thereafter,  and  all  those  who  receive  wedding  cards 
should  call  on  or  extend  some  invitation  to  the  newly 
married  couple  within  a  year;  but  those  who  do  not  re- 
ceive invitations  to  the  wedding,  or  cards  or  announce- 
ments afterwards,  should  not  think  of  calling  on  the 
newly  married  pair.  No  answer  is  expected  to  a  wed- 
ding card  except  to  attend,  or  leave  cards  afterwards,  as 
above  explained.  Of  course,  however,  if  the  wedding 
is  a  small  one  at  home,  and  an  B.  S.  T.  P.  is  added,  it 
should  be  sent  promptly. 

Friends  out  of  town  unable  to  attend  the  wedding, 
should  send  their  cards  at  once  by  mail,  to  indicate  that 
they  have  received  the  invitation. 

An  invitation  to  a  wedding  breakfast  should  be  ans- 
wered promptly. 

THE  WEDDING  CAKE. 

The  custom  of  packing  the  wedding  cake  in  boxes 
and  allowing  each  guest  to  take  one,  has  superseded  the 
old  custom  of  cutting  the  wedding  cake  and  j^assing  it 
around  at  the  wedding;  and  so,  also,  to  cut  the  wedding 
cake  and  hunt  for  the  ring  is  out  of  vogue  at  present. 

PAYING  THE  EXPENSES  OF  THE  WEDDING. 

With  regard  to  who  should  pay  for  the  cards,  it  may 
be  said  that  this,  and  all  other  expenses  of  the  wedding, 


122 


ETIQUETTE  OF  WEDDINGS. 


always  devolve  upon  the  parents  of  the  bride.  In  Eng- 
land, the  bridegroom  is  allowed  to  pay  for  the  carriage 
in  which  they  drive  away  from  church,  but  no  other; 
but  in  America  even  that  is  not  customary.  The  idea 
is,  that  the  bride's  parents  should  pay  for  her  trousseau, 
and  defray  all  expenses  of  the  wedding  and  the  enter- 
tainment. If  they  are  not  able  to  afford  a  fashionable 
wedding,  they  should  not  attempt  it,  but  have  a  quiet 
ceremony  at  home,  rather  than  call  on  the  bridegroom 
to  provide  the  means  for  a  display.  Of  course,  visiting 
cards  to  be  used  after  the  wedding,  may  be  paid  for  by 
the  husband,  like  any  other  family  expenses. 

The  bridegroom  pays  the  clergyman,  furnishes  the 
wedding  ring,  sends  a  bouquet  to  the  bride,  and  some 
other  present,  if  he  chooses  ;  gives  presents  to  the 
bridesmaids,  the  "best  man,"  and  some  token  to  the 
ushers,  as  souvenirs  of  the  occasion — and  these  are 
all  the  wedding  expenses  he  is  expected  to  pay.  The 
clergyman's  fee  may  vary  from  five  to  five  hundred 
dollars,  according  to  his  wealth  and  liberality.  It 
should  never  be  less  than  five  dollars,  however. 

THE  WEDDING  KING. 

The  use  of  a  wedding  ring  is  a  very  ancient  custom. 
It  is  probable  that  it  was  used  by  the  Swiss  Lake  Dwel- 
lers, and  other  primitive  people.  In  very  early  times  it 
was  used  by  the  Hebrews,  who  possibly  borrowed  it 
from  the  Egyptians,  among  whom,  as  well  as  the  Greeks 
and  the  Romans,  the  wedding  ring  was  used.  An  Eng- 
lish book  on  Etiquette,  published  in  1732,  says,  the 
bride  may  choose  on  which  finger  the  ring  shall  be 
placed,  and  it  says  some  brides  prefer  the  thumb,  others 
the  index  finger,  others  the  middle  finger,  "  because  it 
is  the  largest,"  and  others  the  fourth -finger,  because  "  a 
vein  proceeds  from  it  to  the  heart."    At  the  present  day 


ETIQUETTE  OF  WEDDINGS- 


123 


the  wedding  ring  is  used  in  the  services  of  nearly  all 
the  different  denominations.  The  engagement  ring  is 
removed  at  the  altar,  usually  by  the  bridegroom,  who 
passes  the  wedding  ring  (which  is  a  plain  gold  band,  with 
the  date  and  the  initials  engraved  inside)  to  the  clergy- 
man, to  be  used  by  him  in  the  ceremony.  On  the  way 
home  from  church,  or  as  soon  thereafter  as  convenient, 
the  bridegroom  may  place  the  engagement  ring  again 
on  the  bride's  finger,  to  stand  guard  over  its  precious 
fellow. 

KEMEMBEEING  SEEVANTS. 

One  very  pleasant  custom,  which  should  not  be  over- 
looked, is  that  of  making  some  small  present  to  the 
servants  as  a  souvenir  of  the  joyous  occasion.  The 
bridegroom  should  make  some  presents  to  the  servants 
in  his  father-in-law's  family,  especially  those  who  have 
been  most  attached  to  his  wife. 


WEDDING  ANNIVERSARIES. 


HE  object  of  anniversaries  is  to  recall  viv- 
idly to  mind  events  that  are  past,  and 
which  have  left  an  impression  or  marked 
a  crisis  in  our  lives.  It  has  now  become 
the  general  custom  to  celebrate  the  wed- 
ding anniversaries,  and  these  occasions 
may  be  made  very  pleasant,  but  the  cus- 
tom of  giving  presents  at  these  times  is 
often,  as  at  weddings,  carried  to  an  ex- 
treme, and  any  ostentatious  display  is  vulgar  and  ill-bred. 
The  first  anniversaries  are  merely  occasions  of  cor- 
diality and  pleasure.  For  the  paper  wedding,  which  is 
the  first  anniversary,  the  presents  should  be  entirely  of 
paper;  and  for  the  second  anniversary  (the  cotton  wed- 
ding) the  presents  should  be  of  cotton  cloth.  To  be  in 
keeping  with  the  occasion,  the  invitations  also  are 
printed  on  cotton  cloth. 

The  wooden  weddirig  (the  fifth  anniversary)  is  usu- 
ally the  signal  for  a  frolic,  and  anything,  from  a  wooden 
mustard  spoon  to  a  set  of  furniture,  may  be  sent  in. 
Elegant  wood  carvings  are  often  given.  Invitations 
may  be  sent  on  the  delicate  and  beautiful  wooden  cards, 
which  are  almost  equal  to  ivory. 

The  tin  wedding  (the  tenth  anniversary)  is  often 
very  gay,  and  the  fun  waxes  "  fast  and  furious."  Any- 
thing made  of  tin  may  be  sent,  and  the  presents  are 
often  fantastic  and  ridiculous.  The  invitations  may  be 
written  or  printed  on  tin  cards,  or  on  note  paper,  with  a 
tin  card  enclosed  in  the  same  envelope. 


126 


WEDDING  ANNIVERSARIES. 


The  crystal  wedding  occurs  on  the  fifteenth,  and  the 
china  on  the  twentieth  anniversary.  For  the  first,  gifts 
of  glassware  should  be  sent,  and  for  the  latter,  china, 
porcelain,  etc.  The  invitations  should  be  on  the  ivory 
or  celluloid  papers,  which  are  so  beautiful.  The  Scotch 
think  either  the  husband  or  wife  will  die  within  a  year 
if  the  twentieth  anniversary  is  even  talked  about,  and 
many  superstitious  people  refuse  to  observe  it.  There 
is  doubtless  about  as  much  foundation  for  the  belief  as 
there  is  for  the  old  superstition  that  Satan  appears  as  a 
black  cat! 

The  silver  wedding,  which  occurs  on  the  twenty-fifth 
anniversary,  may  be  made  a  very  pleasant  occasion. 
These  reunions  have  been  so  often  made  the  occasion 
for  extravagant  display,  that  many  people  have  been 
led  to  confine  their  invitations  to  their  own  families  or 
intimate  friends.  Others  have  "  No  presents  received  " 
engraved  in  one  corner  of  the  cards  of  invitation,  and 
we  most  heartily  commend  the  custom,  as  it  relieves 
those  who  are  invited  from  the  feeling  that  they  are  be- 
ing levied  on.  So  many  articles  of  ornament  and  use 
are  made  of  silver,  that  there  is  a  large  list  from  which 
the  relatives  and  friends  who  wish  to  give  them  may 
select  presents.  The  invitations  should  be  printed  in 
silver,  on  the  finest  note  paper. 

The  golden  wedding,  which  comes  on  the  fiftieth 
anniversary,  is  a  rare  occurrence.  Few  people  survive 
the  many  ills  which  flesh  is  heir  to  and  live  to  cele- 
brate their  golden  wedding.  Such  couples  must  be  old, 
and  may  well  receive  presents  of  gold  from  their  rela- 
tives and  friends.  The  invitations  should  be  printed  in 
gold,  on  fine  white  paper.  Much  latitude  is  allowed  in 
the  giving  of  presents  on  these  occasions,  and  they  are 
by  no  means  necessarily  confined  to  articles  of  gold,  but 
friends  offer  such  tributes  of  regard  as  they  choose.  It 


WEDDING  ANNIVERSARIES. 


127 


is  very  pleasant  if  the  bride  can  wear  some  article  of 
dress  which  she  wore  at  her  first  wedding  while  receiving 
the  congratulations  of  her  friends. 

The  diamond  wedding  comes  on  the  seventy-fifth 
anniversary,  and  few,  indeed,  are  those  who  live  to  cele- 
brate it.  The  sands  of  life  are  then  running  low,  and 
the  jewels  the  occasion  calls  for  can  give  little  pleasure. 
The  invitations  may  be  printed  on  diamond-shaped 
cards,  and  enclosed  in  envelopes  of  the  same  shape. 

On  some  of  these  anniversaries  the  wedding  cere- 
mony has  been  repeated,  and  the  question  as  to  its 
propriety  is  often  asked.  No  event  in  life  is  more  im- 
portant than  marriage,  and  on  this  institution  all  our 
civilization  rests,  and  we  should  pronounce  unhesitat- 
ingly against  trifling  with  it  in  any  such  way. 

Invitations  to  these  various  weddings  are  often  issued 
somewhat  in  this  style: 


128 


WEDDING  ANNIVERSARIES. 


Or,  iu  place  of  the  "  Silver  Wedding/^  may  be  "  Tin 
Wedding,"  "  Golden  Wedding,"  or  whichever  it  may  be. 
The  names  at  the  end,  however,  are  omitted  by  many. 
Some  invitations  transcribe  the  original  marriage  notice 
published  in  the  newspaper  at  the  time,  but  simplicity 
is  always  the  best  etiquette. 

Occasionally  the  "at  home"  form  of  invitation  is 
used,  in  which  case  it  takes  the  following  form: 


7  (J  X^l/ . 

/  Oyt/. 

The  paper,  cotton,  leather,  wooden  and  tin  weddings, 
are  generally  very  social  and  enjoyable  occasions,  with- 
out the  ceremony  of  those  of  riper  years.  Gifts  are 
not  expensive  and  may  be  freely  indulged  in,  and  the 
more  fun  provoked  by  their  absurdity  the  better.  Cof- 
fee, chocolate,  salads,  cake  and  ices,  are  generally  served 
at  these  entertainments.  At  the  earlier  weddings  it  is 
optional,  but  at  the  silver  and  golden  weddings,  a  loaf 


WEDDING  ANNIVERSARIES. 


129 


of  wedding  cake  is  demanded,  and  the  house  is  decor- 
ated with  flowers. 

For  the  convenience  of  our  readers,  we  append  a 
list  of  the  wedding  anniversaries  in  the  order  in  which 
they  come,  but  many  of  them  are  little  observed.  Au- 
thorities differ  in  regard  to  some  of  them,  as  for  example, 
the  fifteenth  and  twentieth,  and  for  this  reason  we  give 
the  different  forms.  The  crown-diamond  is  new,  and, 
of  course,  very  rare,  but  we  have  seen  an  account  of  one 
such  wedding  where  the  combined  ages  of  the  couple 
amounted  to  one  hundred  and  seventy-eight  years! 

First  Anniversary  Paper  Wedding 

Second  Anniversary  Cotton  Wedding 

Third  Anniversary  Leather  Wedding 

Fifth  Anniversary  Wooden  Wedding 

Seventh  Anniversary  Woolen  Wedding 

Tenth  Anniversary  Tin  Wedding 

Twelfth  Anniversary  Silk  and  Fine  Linen  Wedding 

Fifteenth  Anniversary  Crystal  (sometimes  the  Iron)  Wedding 

Twentieth  Anniversary  China  (sometimes  the  Floral)  Wedding 

Twenty -fifth  Anniversary  Silver  Wedding 

Thirtieth  Anniversary  Pearl  Wedding 

Thirty -fifth  Anniversary  Coral  Wedding 

Fortieth  Anniversary  Euby  Wedding 

Forty-fifth  Anniversary  Bronze  Wedding 

Fiftieth  Anniversary  Golden  Wedding 

Sixty-fifth  Anniversary  Crown-Diamond  AVedding 

Seventy-fifth  Anniversary  Diamond  Wedding  ^ 


r 


ETIQUETTE  OF  FUNERALS  AND 
MOURNING. 


HEX  death  enters  a  family  and  claims 
some  loved  one  as  its  prize,  it  is  incum- 
bent on  all  to  slioTT  the  mourners  the 
utmost  kindness  and  consideration.  The 
world  has  always  been  awe-struck  by  the 
appalling  mystery  of  death,  but  the  tend- 
ency at  present  is  towards  less  gloom 
and  outward  display  of  the  pomp,  pride 
and  circumstance  of  woe,"'  and  many  now 
discard  altogether  the  outward  emblems  of  an  inward 
grief.  And  yet  a  mourning  costume  does,  to  a  certain 
extent,  shield  the  wearer  from  the  rude  jostlings  of  a 
gay  and  thoughtless  world. 

AEEAXGEXENTS  EOE  THE  EUXEEAL. 

The  gentlemen  of  the  family  see, those  who  are  to 
officiate  at  the  ceremonies,  as  the  ladies  see  none  but 
their  most  intimate  friends  before  the  funeral.  It  is 
customary  to  leave  the  details  of  the  funeral  to  some 
near  friends,  but  in  case  there  are  none  such  prepared 
to  take  charge  of  the  matter,  it  is  usually  left  to  the 
undertaker.  A  statement  of  the  amount  to  be  expended 
should  be  made  to  him,  and  then  he  can  lay  his  plans 
accordingly.  No  one  is  expected  to  go  beyond  his 
means,  and  display  at  funerals  is  in  bad  taste.  Even 
the  rich  now  study  simplicity. 

If  the  deceased  belonged  to  some  organization  which 
expects  to  conduct  the  funeral,  prompt  notice  of  the 


132        ETIQUETTE  OF  FUNERALS  AND  MOUENING. 

death  should  be  sent,  so  that  the  members  may  have 
time  to  make  their  arrangements. 

The  body  of  a  man  is  usually  dressed  in  black,  but 
for  the  young  of  both  sexes  white  is  the  most  appro- 
priate. For  a  woman,  much  latitude  is  given  to  differ- 
ing tastes,  but  for  her,  also,  nothing  is  more  appropriate 
than  white. 


Friends  and  acquaintances  generally  are  notified 
through  the  papers,  in  which  case  it  is  well  to  add, 
"  without  further  notice,"  but  notes  are  always  sent  to 
pall-bearers,  requesting  them  to  serve,  and  those  who 
receive  such  notes  should  reply  immediately.  In  cities 
and  large  towns,  or  where  it  is  thought  the  notice  may 
not  reach  them  otherwise,  printed  invitations  are  often 
issued  to  the  friends  of  the  family,  usually  on  fine, 
small  note  paper,  with  a  heavy  black  border,  and  in 
somewhat  the  following  form : 


NOTICES  OF  A  FUNERAL. 


ETIQUETTE  OF  FUNERALS  AND  MOURNING. 


133 


Or,  if  the  funeral  is  held  in  a  chui'ch,  in  place  of  the 
lines  giving  the  residence  the  church  should  be  given, 
as,  "from  St.  Paul's  church,"  or  whatever  it  may  be. 

Carriages  should  be  provided  for  all  thus  invited, 
and  none  but  those  suffering  from  a  similar  deep  afflic- 
tion are  at  liberty  to  decline  such  an  invitation.  At- 
tendance at  the  funeral  is  the  only  answer  needed. 

THE  SERA'ICES. 

Some  near  relative  or  friend  of  the  family  receives 
the  guests  as  they  arrive,  if  the  services  are  held  at  the 
house.  The  relatives  take  a  last  look  at  the  remains 
before  the  arrival  of  the  guests,  and  are  not  seen  again 
until  the  services  begin.  The  clergyman  takes  his  stand 
near  the  head  of  the  coffin,  or  where  he  can  be  most 
readily  heard  by  those  present,  and  conducts  the  ser- 
vices in  accordance  with  the  rites  of  the  church  to  which 
he  belongs.  It  is  now  the  custom  for  friends  to  take  a 
last  look  at  the  remains  at  the  house,  before  the  ser- 
vices begin,  instead  of  at  the  church,  when  services  are 
held  there.  At  the  conclusion  of  the  services,  the  master 
of  ceremonies  directs  the  mourners  to  the  carriages  and 
assists  them  to  enter,  and,  as  they  pass  out,  all  present 
stand  with  uncovered  heads. 

Any  attempt  at  jests,  or  levity,  is  shockingly  coarse 
and  rude  at  a  funeral,  and  even  the  bitterest  enemies 
meeting  at  such  a  place  are  expected  to  bury  their  ani- 
mosity for  the  time  being. 

The  custom  of  decorating  the  coffin  with  flowers  is 
a  most  beautiful  one,  but  in  large  cities  it  is  often  the 
occasion  of  so  much  lavish  display  that  the  request  is 
frequently  made  that  no  flowers  be  sent-  Otherwise, 
nothing  is  more  appropriate  thaa  a  modest  tribute  of 
this  kind. 


134:  ETIQUETTE  OF  FUNEKALS  AND  MOURNING. 


Those  who  attend  a  funeral,  ladies  especially,  should 
dress  in  dark  and  sombre  colors. 

THE  PROCESSION. 

The  attending  clergyman  precedes  the  hearse;  so  also 
should  a  military  or  other  organization.  The  pall- 
bearers, of  which  there  are  usually  six,  though  some- 
times eight,  walk  beside  the  hearse,  equally  divided  in 
number.  If  they  ride  they  precede  the  hearse.  The 
relatives  follow,  the  nearest  going  first.  The  attending 
physician,  if  present,  should  immediately  follow  the 
relatives.  At  the  cemetery,  the  clergyman  precedes  the 
coffin  to  the  grave.  In  England,  lady  friends  seldom  go 
to  the  church  or  the  grave,  although  custom  permits  it 
in  this  country  if  they  so  desire. 

After  the  exercises  at  the  grave,  the  guests  return  to 
their  respective  homes,  the  immediate  family  alone 
going  to  the  house  of  mourning. 

CALLS  OF  CONDOLENCE,  ETC. 

Friends  and  acquaintances  call  upon  the  bereaved 
family  in  about  a  month,  and  leave  their  cards;  and 
the  most  intimate  friends  may  call  much  earlier.  Only 
those  very  intimate,  however,  expect  to  see  the  family. 
These  cards  are  preserved  and  properly  acknowledged 
when  the  mourner  re-enters  society.  A  bereaved  wife 
or  mother  sees  none  but  her  family  for  several  weeks 
after  the  funeral.  Kind  notes  of  condolence  or  sympa- 
thy may  be  left,  and  gifts  of  flowe^^s,  or  other  delicate 
expressions  of  interest,  are  grateful  to  the  afflicted  ones. 
These  notes  of  condolence  should  not  be  on  black-edged 
paper.  When  those  who  have  been  in  mourning  wish 
to  re-enter  society,  they  send  cards  to  their  acquaintances 
as  an  intimation  that  their  period  of  seclusion  is  over. 


ETIQUETTE  OE  FUNERALS  AXD  MOURNING. 


135 


Society  will  not  intrude  upon  their  privacy  until  such 
notice  is  received,  although  cards  can  be  sent  with  the 
words,  ''To  inquire.''  written  at  the  top.  Cards  in  reply 
to  these  should  have,  "Thanks  for  kind  inquiries,"  writ- 
ten on  them. 

DEESS  AND  PERIODS  OF  MOURNING. 

The  question  is  often  asked,  how  long  "  the  habili- 
ments of  woe"  should  be  worn.  In  America,  society 
has  not  laid  down  any  very  strict  rules,  but  the  follow- 
ing are  those  sanctioned  by  the  best  authorities  and  the 
usage  of  society: 

For  a  Hushand. — The  usual  period  of  mourning  is 
two  years,  although  it  is  sometimes  shortened  to  one. 
For  the  first  sis  months  the  dress  should  be  of  crape 
and  bombazine,  with  a  crape  bonnet  and  long  crape  veil. 
For  the  first  three  months  the  veil  is  not  lifted  in  the 
street  at  all.  After  six  months  the  crape  may  be  re- 
moved, and  grenadine  and  dead  trimmings  used.  After 
the  first  year  a  lighter  veil  may  take  the  place  of  the 
heavy  one.  and  the  mourning  may  be  lightened  some- 
what. The  custom  of  wearing  purple  the  second  year 
is  obsolete.  Jet  ornaments  only,  or  diamonds  set  as 
mementos,  should  be  worn.  The  black  kid  gloves,  which 
are  worn  in  the  deepest  mourning,  are  objectionable  in 
warm  weather.  The  ganis  de  Suede  or  black  silk  gloves 
are  pleasanter  to  wear,  and  in  better  style.  Seal-skins 
and  black  furs  of  all  kinds  are  worn  when  in  deep 
mourning.  Some,  though  few,  hold  that  the  mourning 
should  not  be  lightened  at  all  for  two  years. 

Many  widows  never  leave  off  their  mourning,  which 
is  considered  an  especial  mark  of  respect  for  the  dead. 

For  a  Wife. — The  widower  wears  mourning  for  one 
year  in  America,  and  two  years  in  England.  Widowers 
re-enter  society  much  earlier  than  widows,  and  it  is  an 


136        ETIQUETTE  OF  FUNERALS  AND  MOURNING. 

accepted  rule  for  gentlemen  to  enter  society  much  earlier 
than  ladies  when  mourning  relatives.  Some  of  our 
ladies,  who  insist  on  '^equal-rights,"  may  object  to  this, 
but  such  is  the  rule. 

For  Parents. — The  period  of  mourning  is  one  year 
for  parents,  although  after  the  first  six  months  it  is 
lightened  somewhat.  The  heavy  black  veil  is  worn  at 
the  back  of  the  bonnet,  and  not,  like  the  widow's  veil, 
over  the  head  and  face. 

For  Grand- Parents. — The  rule  is  the  same  as  for 
parents  in  America,  but  in  England  this  mourning  only 
lasts  three  months. 

For  Brothers  and  Sisters. — For  these  the  period  of 
mourning  is  one  year.  Crape  is  worn  six  months,  and 
for  the  succeeding  six  months,  sombre  silks,  grenadines 
and  cashmere  are  worn. 

For  Children. — For  those  above  ten  years  of  age 
mourning  lasts  nine  months.  The  first  three  the  dress 
is  tri-mmed  with  crape,  but  less  heavily  than  for  a  hus- 
band. For  younger  children  mourning  is  worn  from 
three  to  six  months.  For  an  infant,  six  or  seven  weeks 
is  the  usual  time. 

For  Uncles,  Auiits  and  Cousins. — For  these  the 
period  of  mourning  is  from  three  to  six  months.  When 
these  are  relatives  by  marriage  only,  from  six  weeks  to 
three  months  is  considered  long  enough.  In  such  cases, 
often,  crape  is  not  worn  at  all,  even  at  the  first,  but 
colors  are  discarded  from  the  dress. 

For  Nephews  and  Nieces. — For  these  the  mourning 
is  the  same  as  for  an  uncle  or  aunt. 

For  a  relative  who  leaves  you  an  inheritance,  the 
mourning  is  the  same  as  for  a  grand-parent. 

Wives  wear  mourning  for  their  husband's  relatives 
the  same  as  they  would  for  their  own,  and  husbands  do 
the  same  for  their  wives. 


ETIQUETTE  OF  FUNERALS  AND  3I0UENIXG. 


137 


For  distant  relatives  and  friends,  the  degree  of  inti- 
macy regnlates  the  period  of  mourning — fi^om  six  weeks 
to  three  months  beiug  the  rule. 

GENERAL  HINTS. 

The  French  rule  varies  somewhat  from  the  English 
and  American,  and  their  periods  of  mom^ning  are  gener- 
ally shorter.  Many  people  appear  to  be  shocked  at  the 
brevity  of  French  mourning,  but  sombre  clothes  are  by 
no  means  the  necessary  adjuncts  of  grief.  In  America 
the  ideas  of  propriety  vary  somewhat  in  different  parts 
of  the  union,  New  England  requiring  less  outward  dis- 
play than  some  other  sections,  and  in  general  there  is 
probably  at  present  a  tendency  to  shorter  periods  of 
wearing  and  less  parade  of  the  sombre  emblems  of  woe. 
The  French  customs  are  about  as  follows:  For  a 
husband  the  wife  wears  mourning  for  one  year  and 
six  weeks — divided  into  six  months  of  deep  mourning, 
six  months  of  lighter  and  six  weeks  of  half  mourning. 
For  a  wife  the  husband  wears  mourning  for  six 
months — three  being  deep,  and  three  half  mourning. 
For  a  father  or  mother  the  rule  is  the  same  as  for  a 
wife.  For  a  brother  or  sister  the  period  is  two  months — 
one  of  full  and  one  of  half  mourning.  For  a  grand- 
parent the  rule  is  two  and  one-half  months  of  light 
mourning.  For  an  micle  or  aunt  ordinary  mourning  is 
worn  for  three  weeks  only,  and  for  a  cousin  two  weeks. 

It  is  considered  disrespectful  for  a  person  in  mourn- 
ing for  a  husband,  brother,  parent  or  child,  to  be  seen 
at  the  opera  or  theatre,  a  party  or  dinner,  until  six 
months  have  elapsed,  although  it  is  allowable  to  attend 
a  concert  after  three  months.  To  seek  such  gayeties  at 
such  a  time  not  only  displays  heartlessness  on  the 
part  of  the  mourner,  but  the  sombre  mourning  cos- 


138        ETIQUETTE  OF  Fip^ERALS  AND  MOURNING. 

tume  casts  an  air  of  gloom  illy  in  keeping  with  the  joy- 
ousness  of  such  occasions.  Those  who  do  not  wear 
mourning  can  do  as  they  choose,  but  those  who  adopt  it 
are  expected  to  observe  the  restraint  which  it  imposes. 

Mourning  should  be  discarded  gradually,  or  other- 
wise it  may  be  unpleasantly  remarked  that  it  was  worn 
perfunctorily,  and  is  discarded  with  unseemly  delight. 

The  wearing  of  heavy  crape  veils  is  objected  to  by 
physicians.  Injury  to  the  eyes  is  a  frequent  result,  they 
claim,  and  also  the  deleterious  dyes  are  breathed  into 
the  nose,  producing  catarrhal  disease.  It  is  a  pity  they 
could  not  be  discarded,  but  the  tyrant  fashion  demands 
their  use  by  her  slaves.  A  small  veil  of  black  tulle  may 
be  pinned  over  the  nose  and  eyes,  and  the  heavy  crape 
veil  thrown  back  as  frequently  as  possible,  which  will 
afford  some  relief  to  those  who  wear  them. 

When  the  head  of  the  family  dies — and  sometimes 
for  other  members  of  the  family — the  servants  are  pre- 
sented with  suits  of  mourning.  The  coachman  is  dressed 
in  black,  with  weeds  on  his  hat,  and  the  family  carriage 
is  lined  with  black. 

Mourning  stationery  is  often  used,  but  the  narrower 
borders  are  preferred,  on  account  of  the  ostentation  of 
very  wide  ones.  The  period  of  its  use  varies  from  one 
to  two  years. 

Even  those  ladies  who  are  not  in  mourning,  should 
wear  black  dresses  when  attending  a  funeral.  A  bright 
colored  bonnet  or  shawl  has  a  bright  and  festive  appear- 
ance not  in  harmony  with  the  solemnity  of  the  occasion. 
For  a  gentleman  to  wear  a  light  colored  or  straw  hat  is 
considered  disrespectful,  and  black  or  dark  clothes  are 
most  appropriate. 

Black  gloves,  of  cloth,  silk  or  thread,  may  be  worn,  in- 
stead of  kid,  in  the  deepest  mourning,  and  for  the  first 
month  no  jewelry  is  worn. 


ETIQUETTE  OF  FUNERALS  AND  MOURNING.  139 


The  silks  worn  when  in  mourning  should  be  lustre- 
less, and  the  ribbons  without  gloss.  In  the  deepest 
mourning,  trimmings  of  all  kinds  are  omitted,  but  are 
permitted  when  the  mourning  is  lightened. 

Handkerchiefs,  with  wide,  black  borders,  may  be 
carried  in  deep  mourning,  and  those  with  narrower 
borders  substituted  as  it  is  lightened. 


ETIQUETTE  OF  DRESS. 


LTHOUGH  it  is  not  true  that  *'  dress  makes 
the  man,"  it  is  true  that  dress  is  an  index 
of  character,  and  as  such  by  no  means 
unimportant.  Our  first  impression  is  pro- 
duced on  strangers  by  the  clothes  we 
wear,  and,  as  first  impressions  are  often 
lasting,  it  is  best  that  they  should  be 
favorable.  A  shabbily  dressed  man  feels 
awkward  and  ill  at  ease,  and  a  shabbily 
dressed  woman  still  more  so.  Nature  provides  a  suita- 
ble costume  for  plants  and  all  animals,  excepting  man, 
but  the  "lords  of  creation"  must  devise  their  own  cov- 
ering, and  exercise  their  own  taste  in  so  doing.  A  due 
regard  for  etiquette  would  require  every  one  to  dress 
well  and  suitably  for  every  occasion.  To  make  the  best 
appearance  they  can  with  the  means  at  their  command, 
is  incumbent  on  both  men  and  women.  Women  of  tact 
know  full  well  that  even  sensible  men  take  pride  in  their 
wives'  appearance.  Careless  and  slovenly  women  lose 
thereby  a  measure  of  their  influence,  for  men,  as  a  rule, 
are  not  attracted  by  slatterns,  and  the  most  devoted  wife 
can  never  be  proud  of  a  slovenly  husband.  It  is  prob- 
able that  not  only  is  dress  an  index  of  character,  but  it 
doubtless  also  influences  the  manner  and  disposition 
somewhat,  so  that  mean  and  shabby  clothing  tends  to 
give  any  one  mean  and  shabby  ways. 

"  Costly  thy  habit  as  thy  purse  can  buy, 
But  not  expressed  in  fancy — rich  not  gaudy; 
For  the  apparel  oft  proclaims  the  man." 


ETIQUETTE  OF  DEESS. 


141 


But  while  all  this  is  true,  it  is  also  true  that  for  weak 
minds  an  inordinate  love  of  dress  is  a  dangerous  pas- 
sion, and  may  easily  become  a  curse.  For  the  poor 
clerk's  wife  to  try  and  rival,  in  richness  of  dress,  the 
wealthy  banker's,  is  so  evidently  foolish  as  to  be  apparent 
to  all,  and  it  is  a  great  temptation  to  her  husband  to  try 
and  obtain  in  unlawful  ways  money  with  which  to  gratify 
her.  Such  women  should  know  that  extravagant  dis- 
play is  ill-bred  and  vulgar,  as  well  as  foolish.  She  who 
thoroughly  understands  her  circumstances  and  adapts 
her  dress  thereto,  displays  both  good  taste  and  good 
sense.  When  two  young  people  are  beginning  life  to- 
gether on  a  small  income,  and  they  have  their  own  way 
to  make  in  the  world,  it  should  be  the  pride  and  de- 
light of  the  young  wife  to  see  how  little  she  can  spend 
on  dress,  and  yet  appear  fresh  and  attractive.  The 
French  women  have  always  been  credited  with  the  most 
genius  for  dress,  and  they  do  have  an  eye  for  the  har- 
mony of  colors  and  the  fitness  of  things  that  puts  the 
average  English  woman  to  the  blush,  but  the  Ameri- 
can women  are  little,  if  any,  their  inferiors  in  these 
regards. 

Many  of  our  readers  have,  no  doubt,  noticed  that 
the  old  word  "  gown  "  is  coming  into  vogue  again.  It  is 
applied  to  the  outer  garment  usually  worn  by  ladies, 
while  the  word  "  dress"  is  applied  to  the  ioui  eyisemble 
— the  whole  combination  of  the  clothes. 

A  few  hints  and  general  directions  about  dress  may 
be  given,  as  follows: 

Perfect  neatness  and  cleanliness  are  of  the  first  im- 
portance. 

It  is  said  that  refinement  of  character  is  never  asso- 
ciated with  vulgarity  of  dress. 

Study  the  society  with  which  you  expect  to  associate, 
and  adapt  your  dress  thereto. 


142  ETIQUETTE  OF  DRESS. 

The  pronounced  and  showy  colors  formerly  worn, 
are  not  now  allowable. 

Dress  should  be  pleasant  to  look  at,  and  should  har- 
monize with  the  season  of  the  year. 

A  lavish  display  of  jewelry  and  ostentatious  cos- 
tumes are  in  bad  taste. 

Extremely  low-necked  dresses — so  low  as  to  cause 
remark — are  vulgar. 

A  dress  so  perfectly  in  harmony  with  one's  character 
and  surroundings  as  to  be  unnoticed,  is  in  the  best  of 
taste.  She  who  thoroughly  understands  herself  and  her 
surroundings,  and  adapts  her  clothing  thereto,  always 
appears  well  dressed. 

To  "  out-Herod  Herod "  in  going  to  the  extreme  of 
fashion,  is  in  bad  taste;  it  is  equally  so  to  disregard  the 
prevailing  style  altogether. 

Tight  lacing  is  going  out  of  style  at  present,  in  all 
countries. 

Perfumes  should  be  used  in  moderation,  if  at  all. 
None  but  the  best  should  ever  be  used,  as  cheap  per- 
fumes are  intolerable.  As  musk,  patchoiily  and  sandal- 
wood make  many  sensitive  persons  ill,  a  due  regard  for 
the  feelings  of  others  would  forbid  their  use. 

A  competent  authority  on  dress  says:  "  Thin  ladies 
can  wear  delicate  colors,  while  stout,  florid  persons,  look 
better  in  black  or  dark  gray.  For  old,  as  well  as  young, 
however,  the  question  of  color  must  be  determined  by 
complexion  and  figure.  Rich  colors  "harmonize  with 
brunette  complexions  and  dark  hair;  delicate  colors, 
with  persons  of  blonde  hair  and  complexion." 

The  usual  gown  for  ladies  of  wealth  and  position 
should  be  of  dark  silk.  Jewelry,  flowers  in  caps,  or  hair 
ornaments,  and  light  silk  gowns,  are  not  suitable  for 
morning  wear.  Diamonds  should  be  reserved  for  the 
evening. 


ETIQUETTE  OF  DRESS. 


143 


We  offer  the  following  hints  in  regard  to  the  differ- 
ent styles  of  dress  suitable  for  various  occasions: 

THE  EVENING  DEESS  FOR  LADIES. 

The  evening  dress  for  ladies  is  worn  at  all  festivities, 
and  should,  from  first  to  last,  be  expressive  of  luxury. 
At  all  brilliant  evening  assemblies,  the  dress  may  be  as 
rich  and  elegant  as  one  chooses  to  make  it.  Incongru- 
ities, however,  should  be  avoided.  Jewelry  may  be 
worn,  and  the  full  dress  costume,  but  dresses  very  low 
in  the  neck  are  in  bad  taste.  The  full  evening  dress  is 
worn  at  balls,  large  dinners,  and  parties.  The  gown 
should  be  in  the  prevailing  fashion,  but  as  that  con- 
stantly varies,  we  cannot  give  more  explicit  directions. 

BALL  DRESS  FOR  LADIES. 

For  the  ball  room  the  full  dress  should  be  worn. 
Those  who  dance  should  not  wear  heavy  silks,  but  their 
dresses  should  be  light  and  airy.  For  young  people, 
gowns  of  light  gossamer  fabrics — net,  tulle,  or  tarletan 
— are  most  appropriate,  trimmed  with  ribbons  or  flow- 
ers. Flowers  may  be  worn  in  the  hair,  and  for  young 
ladies  the  natural  are  more  suitable  than  artificial  ones. 
Chaperons  and  elderly  ladies  may  wear  the  dress  suita- 
ble for  a  dinner,  and  it  need  not  be  cut  low  in  the  neck, 
unless  they  prefer  it,  and  then  a  lace  scarf  or  shawl 
may  be  thrown  over  the  shoulders.  Jewelry  never  looks 
as  well  if  pieces  of  different  sets  are  worn  together — 
such  as  a  diamond  brooch  with  emerald  ear-rings  or  a 
necklace  of  pearls — and,  therefore,  the  ornaments  should 
match  in  character.  Steele  says  that  diamonds  "  may 
tempt  a  man  to  steal  a  woman,  but  never  to  love  her," 
which  may  console  those  who  do  not  own  them.  It  is 
not  in  good  taste  for  young  ladies  to  decorate  them- 
selves with  any  excess  of  jewelry  at  any  time. 


144 


ETIQUETTE  OF  DRESS. 


DRESS  FOR  THE  OPERA. 

The  opera  admits  of  elegant  dressing;  The  evening 
gown  may  be  worn,  with  ornaments  in  the  hair  instead 
of  a  bonnet.  The  lighter  colored  gowns  are  more  pleas- 
ing, and  add  to  the  appearance  of  the  house.  At  maii- 
n^es  a  bonnet  is  always  worn,  and  it  may  be  very  ele- 
gant and  dressy,  when  desired. 

DRESS  FOR  THE  THEATRE. 

For  the  theatre  any  attempt  at  display  is  out  of  taste, 
and  the  dress  should  be  plain.  Either  a  hat  or  bonnet 
may  be  worn,  but  it  is  a  pity  the  sensible  habit  of  re- 
moving the  hat  could  not  be  introduced,  out  of  regard 
for  those  who  sit  in  the  rear.  The  promenade  dress 
may  be  worn,  with  dark  gloves  to  harmonize. 

DRESS  FOR  LECTURES  AND  CONCERTS. 

Lectures  and  concerts  admit  of  somewhat  more  dis- 
play than  the  theatre.  A  silk  gown,  with  some  lace  and 
jewelry,  may  be  worn.  The  kid  gloves  should  be  light 
colored  or  white. 

DRESS  FOR  CHURCH. 

The  dress  for  church  may  be  rich  in  texture,  but  it 
should  be  simple  and  free  from  display.  A  church  is 
the  one  place  on  earth  where  all  classes  should  meet  on 
an  equal  footing,  and  to  flaunt  one's  elegant  jewelry  or 
dresses  in  the  eyes  of  poorer  or  less  fortunate  people, 
while  ostensibly  worshipping  Him  who  was  so  poor  He 
had  not  where  to  lay  His  head,  is  manifestly  in  bad 
taste.  Many  wealthy  and  well-bred  people  recognize 
the  propriety  of  plain  dressing  for  church,  and  wear 
simple  and  unostentatious  clothes  at  the  house  of  God. 
Very  little  jewelry  should  be  worn. 


ETIQUETTE  OF  DRESS. 


145 


THE  OEDINAEY  EVENING  DRESS. 

The  ordinary  evening  dress,  when  at  home,  should 
be  becoming  and  tasteful.  Any  of  the  heavy  woolen 
dress  goods  in  winter,  or  lawns  or  grenadines  for  sum- 
mer, are  appropriate,  and  silks  are  always  suitable. 
Some  jewelry  may  be  worn,  but  diamonds  should  be 
reserved  for  occasions  of  more  display.  Bright  ribbons 
may  be  worn  at  the  throat  and  in  the  hair.  The  same 
dress  is  suitable  to  wear  when  making  an  evening  call. 

DRESS  FOE  INFORMAL  EVENING  PARTIES. 

For  an  informal  or  social  evening  party,  a  little 
richer  gown  may  be  worn.  Low-necked  dresses  are  not 
usual  on  such  occasions,  but  if  they  are  worn,  the 
shoulders  should  be  covered  with  a  lace  scarf  or  shawl. 
High-necked  and  long-sleeved  dresses  are  in  better  taste 
on  such  occasions.  If  gloves  are  worn,  they  should  be 
light  colored,  but  they  may  be  worn  or  not,  according 
to  the  taste  of  the  individual. 

THE  FULL  DINNER  DRESS. 

The  full  dinner  dress  is  rich  and  elegant.  Silks, 
satins  and  velvets,  .trimmed  with  laces,  are  worn,  and 
costly  jewelry,  but  everything  should  harmonize.  In 
the  summer,  light,  rich  goods  may  be  worn.  Young 
ladies  wear  lighter  tints  and  materials  than  the  elderly 
ladies.  For  dinner,  all  the  light  neutral  tints  are  suita- 
ble, and  dark  blue,  purple,  black,  dark  green,  brown  and 
fawn  color.  ^ 

A  hostess  should  never  make  an  effort  to  outshine 
her  guests,  and  her  dress  should  therefore  be  subdued 
in  tone.  Plain  jewelry  is  worn  when  the  dinner  is  held 
in  daylight,  as  diamonds  are  usually  reserved  for  gas- 
light. 


146 


ETIQUETTE  OF  DRESS. 


DRESS  FOR  RECEIVING  CALLS. 

Ladies  who  have  special  days  for  receptions,  should 
wear  quiet  colors  on  those  occasions,  but  the  gown 
should  be  of  silk,  or  other  appropriate  material.  A  lit- 
tle jewelry  may  be  worn,  but  ostentation  should  be 
avoided.  For  New  Year's,  and  other  special  occasions, 
the  dress  may  be  rich  and  elaborate,  and  full  evening 
dress  should  be  worn  when  the  curtains  are  drawn  and 
the  gas  lighted.  A  lady  engaged  in  her  household  af- 
fairs, should  receive  casual  callers  in  her  morning  dress, 
which  should  be  plain  and  scrupulously  neat,  but 
they  should  never  be  kept  waiting  while  a  dress  is 
changed.  Receive  them  at  once,  or  send  word  you  are 
''engaged,"  or  "not  at  home." 

THE  MORNING  DRESS  FOR  HOME. 

A  lady's  morning  dress  should  be  simple  and  suited 
to  the  time  of  day.  It  may  be  inexpensive,  but  it  must 
be  exquisitely  neat;  the  ribbons  fresh,  and  the  cuffs, 
collars,  or  ruches,  clean  and  spotless.  In  summer, 
light  morning  dresses,  of  some  material  that  will 
wash,  are  suited  to  young  ladies,  whether  married  or 
not.  Much  jewelry,  or  any  light  laces,  are  decidedly 
out  of  place,  and  so  is  an  old  "  company  gown,"  fur- 
bished up  for  the  occasion.  A  little  richer  style  of 
dress  is  admissible  when  visiting  at  a  friend's  house. 

For  a  late  breakfast,  and  at  a  watering  place,  imita- 
tion lace  is  suitable,  and  a  more  luxurious  style  of  dress. 

VISITING  COSTUMES. 

The  costumes  worn  for  visiting,  or  for  day  receptions, 
are  of  richer  material  than  walking  suits.  The  taste  of 
the  wearer  may  be  displayed  in  the  bonnet,  which  may 
be  either  rich  or  simple,  but  should  not  be  extravagantly 


ETIQUETTE  OE  DEESS, 


147 


fine.  In  summer  all  sliould  be  cool,  bright,  agreeable 
to  the  eye,  and  pleasant  to  wear;  and  in  winter,  a  sliawl, 
velvet  jacket,  or  fiii^  trimmed  mantle,  may  accompany 
tlie  carriage  visiting  dress. 

XOEXIXG  DEESS  EOE  CaEEI>'G. 

For  morning  calls,  the  most  appropriate  dress  is  of 
black  or  neuti^al  tint,  with  a  sparing  nse  of  colors.  The 
walking  di'ess  may  be  worn,  or  the  carriage  dress,  when 
accompanied  by  the  carriage.  Light  colored  gloves  are 
invariably  worn  when  paying  calls,  except  by  persons 
in  deep  mourning. 

DEESSiyCr  EOE  WaEEIXG. 

Walking  salts  may  be  simple,  snbstantial  and  qniet 
in  color,  and  they  should  not  be  worn  so  long  as  to 
sweep  the  sidewalk.  In  the  country  they  should  be 
sti^ong  and  tasteful,  but  in  the  city  more  richness  is  ad- 
missible. Thick  boots  are  now,  fortunately,  fashionable, 
so  that  a  little  mud  is  not  a  terror.  Fine  laces  and  elab- 
orate gowns  should  never  be  worn  on  the  street — they 
should  be  kept  for  balls  and  full  dress  occasions. 
Neither  should  a  '•'  dressy  "  hat  be  worn  on  the  street, 
but  the  hat  or  bonnet  should  be  plain,  and  should  match 
the  gown  as  nearly  as  possible.  The  waterproof  cloaks, 
now  so  common,  are  much  less  troublesome  than  an 
umbrella. 

DEESSIXG  EOE  DEFTrS'G. 

The  dress  for  di'iving  is  very  different  from  the  walk- 
ing dress.  Light  colored  silks,  long  skii'ts,  lace  parasols 
and  feathery  hats,  are  suitable  for  a  carriage  ride 
through  a  park  or  the  streets  of  a  city,  and  rich  fnrs 
may  be  worn  in  winter.    In  the  country,  or  where  the 


148  ETIQUETTE  OF  DRESS. 

dust  and  mud  would  soil  the  clothes,  a  plain  and  simple 
dress  should  be  worn.  For  the  top  of  a  coach,  where  it 
is  now  so  popular  and  fashionable  for  ladies  of  certain 
"  sets  "  to  ride,  a  plain  and  serviceable  suit  is  in  every 
way  preferable  to  the  elaborate  and  showy  dresses  so 
often  worn.  The  Princess  of  Wales  lately  showed  her 
usual  good  taste  by  appearing  on  top  of  a  coach  in  Lon- 
don in  a  suit  of  navy-blue  flannel.  Those  young  ladies 
who  appear  on  the  top  of  a  coach  in  a  costume  fit  only 
for  a  ball  room,  display  ignorance  of  the  fitness  of 
things,  and  need  not  complain  if  they  are  subjected  to 
ridicule,  or  made  the  butt  of  caricaturists.  Both  good 
sense  and  good  taste  would  dictate  a  modest  and  service- 
able costume  for  such  a  place. 

DEESSING  FOE  EIDING. 

For  horseback  riding,  the  dress  should  be  made  of 
broad -cloth  or  waterproof.  The  former  is  the  most 
stylish,  but  the  latter  is  better  for  service.  Lighter  cos- 
tumes may  be  worn  in  summer.  To  prevent  the  skirts 
from  being  blown  by  the  wind,  they  should  be  weighted 
by  having  shot  sewed  in  at  the  bottom  of  the  left  hand 
breadths.  It  is  an  excellent  idea  to  wear  the  riding  skirt 
over  another  of  the  usual  length,  so  that  in  case  of  acci- 
dent the  riding  skirt  may  be  slipped  off,  and  yet  leave 
the  rider  properly  dressed.  The  habit  should  fit  per- 
fectly and  button  nearly  to  the  throat,  and  a  linen  col- 
lar, with  a  pretty  neck-tie,  is  worn.  The  sleeves  come 
to  the  wrist,  with  linen  cuffs  beneath  them.  Strong 
leather  gloves,  with  gauntlets,  are  worn,  and  the  whip  is 
light  and  plain.  The  hat  should  be  in  the  prevailing 
fashion,  but  no  long  veil  should  be  worn  to  flaunt  in 
the  wind.  Embroidery  and  laces  should  never  be  worn 
with  a  riding  habit. 


ETIQUETTE  OE  DKESS. 
DEESSIXG  FOR  TEAYELIXG. 


149 


The  traveling  costume  should  be  made  for  service 
and  free  from  superfluous  ornament,  for  nothing  is  so 
hard  on  ordinary  clothing  as  traveling.  A  linen  duster 
may  be  worn  to  protect  the  clothes  in  summer,  and  a 
waterproof  in  winter.  Dark  or  neutral  tints,  that  do 
not  show  the  dust,  should  be  worn,  rather  than  any  light 
colored  fabrics-  White  is  never  worn  to  travel  in. 
Ladies  going  a  short  distance  in  the  cars  for  a  brief 
visit,  may  wear  any  dress  suitable  for  the  occasion,  and 
their  fresh,  airy  costumes,  are  often  objects  of  envy  to 
excursionists  in  travel-stained  and  dusty  raiment.  The 
hat  should  be  plainly  trimmed  and  protected  from  the 
dust  by  a  veil.  The  experienced  traveler  looks  out  for 
comfort  and  provides  a  waterproof,  and  a  shawl  or  wrap 
in  cold  weather.  It  is  better  to  have  trunks  large 
enough  to  hold  all  your  things,  with  a  hand  valise  to 
hold  the  few  articles  needed  on  the  journey,  than  to 
burden  yourself  or  others  with  a  lot  of  small  packages. 

DRESS  EOE  LADIES  OE  BUSINESS. 

There  are  so  many  avenues  now  open  in  which  ladies 
may  earn  a  livelihood,  that  we  have  a  large  class  of 
business  women.  Their  dress  should  be  made  with 
special  reference  to  comfort  and  a  fi-ee  use  of  theii' 
bodies.  The  colors  should  be  plain,  and  while  the  dress 
may  be  valuable,  it  should  not  be  heavily  trimmed. 
Excessive  display,  or  ornamentation,  is  out  of  place. 
While  engaged  in  business,  quiet  colors  should  be  worn, 
and  display  avoided,  reserving  the  rich  and  elegant 
clothes  for  their  appropriate  occasion.  Little  jewelry 
should  be  worn,  and  the  hat  should  be  tasty,  but  with- 
out many  flowers  or  feathers. 


150 


ETIQUETTE  OF  DRESS- 


DRESS  FOR  LAWN  PARTIES,  ETC. 

The  dress  for  lawn  parties,  bazaars,  promenade  con- 
certs and  flower  shows,  may  be  bright  and  gay,  and  even 
coquettish.  Much  taste  and  elegance  may  be  dis- 
played. A  dressy  bonnet  or  hat  may  be  worn,  and  the 
whole  costume  made  as  effective  as  possible.  Young 
ladies  wear  light  and  fine  materials,  which  harmonize 
with  their  character,  while  elderly  ladies  wear  silks,  or 
other  handsome  material,  richly  trimmed  with  lace,  and 
a  lace  scarf  or  shawl  may  also  be  worn. 

DRESS  FOR  YACSTING. 

Yachting  suits  should  be  warm  and  made  of  some 
durable  material,  such  as  serge  or  tweed,  that  will  not 
be  easily  spoiled  by  a  little  salt  water. 

DRESS  FOR  PICNICS,  EXCURSIONS,  ETC. 

For  picnics,  excursions,  or  the  sea  shore,  the  suits 
should  be  made  of  strong  and  useful  material.  Some- 
thing that  will  wash,  or  that  will  look  well  at  the  end 
of  a  hard  day's  jaunt,  is  more  serviceable  than  any 
light  and  flimsy  material  that  will  easily  tear  or  become 
soiled. 

DRESS  FOR  CROQUET  PARTIES,  ETC. 

The  dress  for  croquet,  archery  and  skating  parties, 
may  be  brilliant  in  color  and  short  enough  to  admit  of 
freedom  of  movement.  A  stout  boot  may  be  worn,  but 
it  should  fit  neatly.  For  archery  and  croquet,  soft  and 
pliable  gloves  should  be  worn,  and  a  hat  that  will  shield 
the  face  from  the  rays  of  the  sun.  For  skating,  velvet 
and  furs  and  warm  clothing  should  be  worn,  and  fur- 
trimmed  gloves.  The  dress  should  indicate  warmth 
and  comfort.    Tight  shoes  will  give  cold  feet. 


ETIQUETTE  OF  DRESS. 


151 


BATHIXG  COSTUME. 

For  a  bathing  costume  flannel  is  the  best  material. 
Various  colors  are  worn,  but  blue  and  grey  are  the  best, 
and  the  trimming  may  be  bright  worsted  braid.  An  oil- 
silk  cap  may  be  worn  to  protect  the  hair  from  the  salt 
water.  It  is  hardly  necessary  for  us  to  say  that  no  mod- 
est, well-bred  w^oman,  will  wear  the  close  fitting  and  ab- 
breviated costumes  sometimes  seen,  alas!  with  too  evident 
an  intent  to  display  one's  charms.  The  legs  and  sleeves 
should  be  long,  the  neck  high,  and  the  costume  loose 
and  full. 

THE  WEDDIXG  DRESS. 

The  wedding  dress  should  always  be  white,  whether 
of  silk,  satin,  or  other  material.  The  bridal  veil  seems  to 
be  a  survival  of  an  old  Anglo-Saxon  custom,  of  having 
four  tall  men  hold  a  large,  square  cloth  over  the  bride 
during  the  ceremony,  to  hide  her  blushes.  The  bridal 
veil  has  now  become  an  essential  feature  of  weddings, 
and  must  always  be  w^hite  and  long.  It  may,  or  may  not, 
cover  the  face.  White  satin  slippers  are  w^orn,  and 
white  kid  gloves,  although  the  latter  are  sometimes 
omitted.  The  bridal  wreath  is  often  made  of  orange 
blossoms,  which  are  considered  the  most  appropriate 
for  that  purpose,  and  the  other  flowers  carried  by  the 
bride  should  be  white.  As  orange  blossoms  are  often 
difficult  to  procure,  other  natural  flowers  frequently  take 
their  place.  Myrtle  leaves  are  very  appropriate,  and 
are  sometimes'  worn,  as  they  are  emblematic  of  mar- 
riage. The  bridal  robe  is  often  adorned  with  gar- 
lands of  artificial  flowers,  although,  of  course,  natural 
flowers  are  preferable.  Jewelry  should  not  be  worn, 
unless  it  be  diamonds  or  pearls. 

Widows,  on  remarrying,  wear  light  neutral  tints,  but 
never  white,  and  they  always  omit  the  orange  blossoms. 


152 


ETIQUETTE  OF  DEESS. 


At  strictly  private  weddings,  when  the  bride  starts 
at  once  on  her  wedding  tour,  she  is  married  in  her  trav- 
eling suit.  It  is  sometimes  more  heavily  trimmed  than 
an  ordinary  traveling  suit,  but  to  avoid  attracting  atten- 
tion it  is  better  to  have  it  plain. 

THE  DRESS  FOR  BRIDESMAIDS. 

The  bridesmaids  commonly  dress  in  white,  but  more 
variety  is  allowed  in  their  dress  than  in  that  of  the  bride. 
Veils  may  be  worn,  but  they  should  always  fall  entirely 
down  the  back,  and  should  never  be  as  long  as  that 
of  the  bride.  Usually  all  the  bridesmaids  dress  alike. 
Sometimes,  however,  they  wear  gowns  of  the  primary 
colors,  one  blue,  one  pink,  one  red,  and  one  yellow;  but 
white,  of  some  material  less  expensive  than  the  bride's 
costume,  is  most  suitable  It  is  not  proper  for  a  brides- 
maid to  wear  a  finer  gown  than  the  bride.  The  bouquets 
may  be  of  colored  flowers.  Neither  the  bride  nor  her 
bridesmaids  wear  anything  over  their  shoulders,  except 
their  dresses  and  veils. 

DRESS  SUITABLE  FOR  WEDDINGS. 

The  older  guests  at  a  wedding  should  wear  rich  and 
handsome  gowns,  but,  of  course,  black  or  mourning  cos- 
tumes are  not  in  harmony  with  such  an  occasion.  The 
young  ladies,  other  than  the  bridesmaids,  should  wear 
any  dainty  material,  as  light  colored  silks,  or  fine  mus- 
lins. Children,  when  present,  are  dressed  in  muslin 
and  lace,  with  bright  ribbons,  if  girls,  and  the  boys  in 
some  fancy  costume. 

DRESS  SUITABLE  FOR  WEDDING  RECEPTIONS. 

If  the  wedding  reception  is  held  in  the  evening,  the 
guests  should  wear  full  evening  dresses.    At  the  recep- 


ETIQUETTE  OF  DEESS. 


153 


tion,  as  at  the  wedding,  mourning  costumes  should 
never  be  worn  by  guests;  the  bride  and  bridesmaids 
may  wear  the  wedding  suits.  If  the  reception  is  held 
in  the  morning,  handsome  promenade  costumes  may  be 
worn,  and  white  gloves. 

MOURNING  DEESSES. 

For  mourning  dresses,  and  the  periods  of  mourning, 
see  the  article  on  "  Etiquette  of  Funerals  and  Mourn- 
ing." 

GLOVES  FOR  LADIES. 

Ladies  wear  gloves  when  riding  or  driving,  calling, 
shopping,  at  the  theatre  or  opera,  at  church,  at  balls  and 
receptions.  Any  tint  may  be  worn  when  shopping, 
calling,  or  at  church.  Delicate  shades  should  be  worn 
at  evening  parties,  and  white  gloves  at  balls.  Gloves 
are  not  worn  at  dinner. 

ETIQUETTE  OF  DEESS  FOE  GENTLEMEN. 

The  subject  of  dress  is  not  considered  so  important 
by  gentlemen  as  by  ladies,  and  yet  no  real  gentleman  is 
indifferent  to  his  dress  and  personal  appearance.  A 
few  general  hints  in  regard  to  their  dress  may  be  offered, 
as  follows: 

The  true  gentleman  is  scrupulously  neat  and  clean. 
Collars  and  cuffs  should  be  faultlessly  white,  and  the 
clothes  well  brushed. 

H.  H.  (Helen  Hunt)  once  said  to  a  friend  of  the 
writer  (who  was  then  a  little  boy  playing  with  her  son): 
"  There  are  three  things  a  gentleman  will  always  do — 
he  will  keep  his  boots  nicely  blacked,  his  teeth  clean, 
and  his  finger  nails  clean." 

Hair  oils  and  pomades  are  not  used  now,  as  formerly. 
They  are  considered  vulgar,  and  they  certainly  are  not 


154 


ETIQUETTE  OF  DRESS- 


cleanly.  No  gentleman  should  use  hair  dye.  It  de- 
ceives no  one,  and  it  makes  the  features  look  coarse. 

Clothes  of  some  plain  color  are  always  in  the  best 
taste,  and  so  are  white  collars  and  cuffs  and  shirt  bosoms. 
The  fancy  striped  and  spotted  shirts  and  collars  are 
sometimes  worn  in  summer,  but  they  always  look  a  lit- 
tle rowdyish. 

Let  bar-tenders,  gamblers  and  sporting  men,  mon- 
opolize the  extravagant  displays  of  jewelry.  As  a  rule, 
wear  no  jewelry  that  is  not  useful.  Shirt  studs,  cuff 
buttons,  a  scarf  pin,  a  watch  chain,  and  one  ring,  are 
about  all  the  jewelry  allowed  to  gentlemen,  and  these 
should  be  plain,  and  not  too  showy. 

Don't  saturate  your  clothing  with  perfumery.  Josh 
Billings  once  shrewdly  said,  that  "  the  best  perfume  he 
knew  of  for  a  man  came  from  perfect  cleanliness." 

The  English  rule,  which  is  generally  adopted  here, 
is,  that  the  full  dress  suit  should  never  be  worn  earlier 
than  a  six  o'clock  dinner.  The  French  rule  of  wearing 
the  dress  suit  on  all  ceremonious  occasions,  whenever 
they  occur,  is  not  accepted  in  America. 

The  dressing  gown  should  never  be  worn  at  the 
table,  nor  anywhere  outside  of  the  dressing  room,  or 
sick  room. 

Finally,  don't  dress  like  a  '*dude,"  or  a  "swell,"  nor 
carry  a  little  poodle  dog  (a  man's  glory  is  in  his  strength 
and  manliness — not  in  aping  silly  girls),  nor  cock  your 
hat  on  one  side,  nor  tip  it  back  on  your  head  (let  it  sit 
straight  and  square),  nor  wear  anything  conspicuous 
or  that  will  make  you  offensive  to  others. 

THE  EVENING  DRESS  FOR  GENTLEMEN. 

The  full  evening  dress  for  gentlemen  has  long  been 
the  same,  and  varies  little  from  year  to  year.    It  con- 


ETIQUETTE  01  DEESS 


155 


sists  of  a  dress  or  "swallow-tail""  coat,  black  trousers 
and  Test,  the  latter  cut  low,  and  cravat  and  gloves,  either 
white  or  some  very  light  tint.  The  shirt  front  must 
always  be  white  and  immaculate.  The  shiit  studs  and 
sleeve  buttons  plain  and  simple.  The  haii'  should  be 
neatly  combed  and  trimmed — but  not  so  short  as  to  re- 
semble a  prize  fighter,  nor  so  long  as  to  suggest  the 
'Mvild.  untamed  savage,""  in  a  dime  museum.  The  eve- 
ning dress  is  worn  at  balls,  large  dinner-parties,  and  the 
opera.  It  is  never  worn  at  church,  nor  anywhere  else 
on  Sunday.  In  small  towns,  or  where  the  full  evening 
dress  is  considered  an  affectation,  it  should  not  be  worm 
'•At  Eome  do  as  the  Eomans  do/'  The  regulation 
evening  dress  is  the  same  throughout  the  world,  but 
many  gentlemen  seem  ignorant  of  the  dictates  of  eti- 
quette in  regard  to  wearing  it.  The  French  rule  is,  to 
wear  it  on  all  ceremonious  occasions,  but  the  uniform 
English  and  American  custom  forbids  its  use  at  a  morn- 
ing reception,  or  anywhere  before  six  o'clock.  Gentle- 
men should  be  careful  not  to  array  themselves  in  such 
a  suit  on  improper  occasions. 

THE  XOEXIXG-  DEESS  EOE  GEXTLEMEX. 

The  morning  dress  consists  of  a  black  frock  cut-away 
coat,  black  vest,  or  white  in  summer,  light  colored  trous- 
ers, and  silk  or  Derby  hat,  and  a  black  tie.  A  white 
tie  should  not  be  worn  with  a  fi'ock  coat.  A  light  coat 
with  black  trousers  is  never  allowable,  and  a  fi'ock  coat 
with  black  trousers  is  considered  in  bad  taste.  The  morn- 
ing and  evening  di-ess  should  be  kept  quite  distinct 
fi'om  each  other,  and  no  attempt  made  to  combine  them. 
The  morning  dress  is  worn  at  church,  at  morning  recep- 
tions, social  parties,  kettledrums,  garden  parties,  when 
making  calls,  and  at  places  of  amusement. 


156 


ETIQUETTE  OF  DRESS. 


THE  DRESS  OF  GENTLEMEN  FOR  WEDDINGS. 

At  morning  weddings  ( that  is  all  weddings  before 
six  p.  M.)  the  gentlemen,  including  the  bridegroom  and 
"best  man,"  wear  the  regular  morning  dress.  The 
bridegroom  and  "  best  man  "  may  wear  gloves  or  not, 
but  light  colored  gloves  should  be  worn,  if  any,  and  also 
light  tinted  ties  are  then  expected.  If  a  formal  recep- 
tion is  held  in  the  evening,  gentlemen  may  wear  the 
full  evening  dress,  and,  of  course,  the  evening  dress 
may  be  worn  at  an  evening  wedding,  that  is,  one  after 
six  p.  M.,  but  not  at  any  wedding  held  before  that  hour. 

GLOVES  FOR  GENTLEMEN. 

Gentlemen  wear  gloves  in  the  street,  when  riding  or 
driving,  at  church  and  places  of  amusement,  when  mak- 
ing calls,  at  balls,  receptions  and  evening  parties.  Gloves 
are  never  worn  at  dinner,  and  not  usually  in  the  coun- 
try. Any  shade  may  be  worn  at  church  or  places  of 
amusement,  or  when  calling.  Delicate  tints  are  most 
appropriate  for  evening  parties,  and  white  gloves  are 
worn  at  balls.  Ungloved  hands  are  preferable  to  worsted, 
or  cotton  gloves,  which  are  not  allowable  for  gentlemen 
at  any  time. 

THE  HAEMONY  OF  COLOES. 

In  considering  the  subject  of  dress,  the  harmony  of 
colors  must  be  taken  into  account,  and  also  the  size  and 
surroundings  of  the  wearer.  If  two  colors,  which  do 
not  harmonize,  are  worn  at  the  same  time,  the  effect  is 
discordant  and  unpleasant.  So,  also,  children  may  be 
appropriately  dressed  in  bright  colors,  w^hile  the  old 
look  best  in  dark  and  neutral  tints.  Again,  the  com- 
plexion of  the  wearer  must  be  considered.    Bright  col- 


ETIQUETTE  OF  DRESS. 


157 


ors,  like  scarlet  and  orange,  look  well  on  a  brunette, 
harmonizing  well  with  her  complexion,  while  a  blonde 
looks  best  in  delicate  tints,  such  as  light  blue,  mauve, 
and  pea-green. 

Not  only  are  the  colors  important,  but  the  size  and 
figure  of  the  wearer  should  be  considered.  Thus,  a 
small  person  should  not  wear  large  figures,  plaids  or 
stripes;  indeed,  pronounced  figures  and  broad  stripes, 
or  plaids,  which  render  the  wearer  conspicuous,  are 
never  in  the  best  of  taste.  Stripes  on  a  tall,  slim  per- 
son, will  increase  her  apparent  height,  while  a  short, 
thick-set  lady,  should  avoid  flounces,  or  any  horizontal 
trimming  of  the  dress,  which  will  only  seem  to  increase 
her  size.  Such  persons  should  wear  quiet  colors,  and 
not  indulge  in  much  drapery,  while  full  draperies  may 
be  worn  by  tall  and  slender  ladies. 

For  the  convenience  of  our  readers,  we  give  a  quite 
full  list  of  the  colors  that  harmonize,  which  they  may 
find  convenient  for  reference: 

Black  harmonizes  well  with  pink  ;  lilac  ;  scarlet ;  maize  ;  slate  color  ;  orange,  a 
rich  harmony  ;  white,  a  perfect  harmony  ;  brown,  a  doll  harmony  ;  drab 
or  buff  :  white  or  yellow  and  crimson ;  orange,  blue  and  scarlet ;  cho- 
colate-brown ;  yellow,  bronze  and  light  blue  ;  cardinal ,  blue  and  old  gold 
brown . 

Blue  harmonizes  well  with  black  ;  gold,  a  rich  harmony  ;  orange,  a  perfect  har- 
mony ;  chestnut ;  maize  ;  straw  color  :  white  ;  fawn  color,  weak  harmony; 
stone  color ;  drab ;  lilac,  weak  harmony  ;  crimson,  imperfectly ;  pink, 
poor  harmony ;  salmon  color,  scarlet  and  purple  or  lilac  ;  orange  and 
black  ;  pink  and  bronze  green  ;  cardinal  and  old  gold  ;  yellow,  chocolate- 
brown  and  gold  ;  mulberry  and  yellow. 

Bronze  harmonizes  well  with  old  gold  ;  pink  and  light  blue  ;  black,  blue,  pink 
and  gold ;  cardinal  and  peacock  blue. 

Brown  should  be  carefully  studied .  Beautiful  in  the  different  shades,  it  blends 
with  few  colors.  It  will  combine  well  with  soft  drabs  and  grays,  and  is 
very  effective  in  the  different  shades.  A  light  brown,  trimmed  or  made 
up  with  brown  of  a  darker  shade,  is  very  handsome.  It  also  harmonizes 
with  blue,  gray,  cardinal  and  yellow. 

Crimson  harmonizes  with  gold,  a  rich  harmony  ;  orange,  a  rich  harmony : 
brown,  a  dull  harmony  ;  black,  a  dull  harmony  ;  drab  ;  maize  ;  purple. 

Cardinal  harmonizes  with  old  gold  ;  brown  and  black  ;  navy  blue. 


168 


ETIQUETTE  OF  DRESS. 


Chocolate  harmonizes  with  blue,  pink  and  gold. 
Claret  harmonizes  with  old  gold. 

Drab  harmonizes  well  with  blue ;  red ;  brown ;  and  light  drab  with  yellow  and 
white. 

Ecru  harmonizes  with  bronze,  peacock  and  light  blue. 
Garnet  harmonizes  with  bronze  and  pink . 

Gen  d'arme  harmonizes  with  cardinal ;  bronze ;  myrtle  ;  old  gold ,  yellow  and 

cardinal ;  pink,  cardinal  and  lavender. 
Gray  harmonizes  well  with  blue  ;  red  ;  lilac,  poorly ;  maroon. 
Green  is  very  effective  with  white  or  black,  and  also  with  its  own  different 

shades,  as  a  pale  green  silk  or  satin,  with  velvet  or  plush  of  a  darker  shade. 

It  harmonizes  well  with  scarlet ;  orange ;  yellov7 ;  crimson,  blue  and  gold, 

or  yellow;  blue  and  scarlet ;  gold  and  mulborry;  cardinal. 
Lilac  harmonizes  with  white,  poor ;  gray,  poor  ?  maize ;  cherry ;  gold,  or  gold 

color  ;  crimson  ;  scarlet,  and  white  or  black ;  gold  color  and  crimson  ; 

yellow  or  gold,  scralet  and  white. 
Myrtle  harmonizes  with  old  gold  ;  bronze ;  red,  blue  and  yellow  ;  mulberry, 

cardinal,  gold  and  light  green. 
Mulberry  harmonizes  with  old  gold  ;  gold  ;  bronze  ;  pearl. 
Mode  harmonizes  with  pearl  and  mulberry. 
Maroon  harmonizes  with  yellow,  silvery  gray  and  light  green. 
Navy  blue  harmonizes  with  light  blue  and  gold  ;  gen  d'arme  and  pearl ;  maize, 

cardinal  and  yellow. 
Orange  harmonizes  with  bronze,  agreeable ;  chestnut ;  lilac  and  crimson ;  red 

and  green ;  purple  and  scarlet ;  blue,  scarlet  and  claret,  and  white  and 

green ;  blue  and  crimson. 
Pearl  harmonizes  with  light  blue  and  peacock  blue. 

Pink  is  very  effective  when  skillfully  combined  with  other  colors  °,  and,  as  is  the 
case  with  blue  and  lavender,  will  transform  an  old  white  or  black  cash- 
mere or  nun's  veiling,  or  any  soft  wool  dress,  into  a  pretty  evening  toilet. 
Do  not  use  too  much  of  it,  but  let  it  show  in  facings,  linings,  in  under 
side  of  pleats,  in  ribbons,  etc .  Pink  combines  prettily  with  all  shades  of 
olive  or  bronze. 

Purple  should  be  worn  sparingly  in  connection  with  other  colors.  Light  shades 
may  be  worn  with  darker,  and  with  the  greens  and  yellows  it  combines 
very  effectively.  It  also  harmonizes  with  maize ;  blue ;  orange,  rich ; 
black,  heavy;  white  cold;  scarlet  and  gold  color;  scarlet  and  white: 
scarlet,  blue  and  orange  ;  scarlet,  blue,  yellow  and  black. 

Red  harmonizes  with  white  or  gray ;  orange  and  green  ;  yellow  or  gold  color  and 
black  :  olive  ;  drab  ;  slate  and  stone  colors ;  pearl ;  bronze  ;  dark  blues ; 
black  and  white. 

Sapphire  harmonizes  with  bronze ;  old  gold ;  cardinal ;  light  blue  ;  light  pink ; 
corn  ;  garnet ;  mulberry. 

Scarlet  harmonizes  with  blue ;  slate  color  ;  orange ;  blue  and  white  :  blue  and 
yellow  ;  black  and  white  ;  shaded  garnet  and  shaded  gold. 

White  harmonizes  well  with  delicate  blue,  pink  or  lavender,  and  also  with  most 
oE  the  other  colors,  as  cherry  ;  crimson  ;  brown ;  scarlet ;  gold  color,  poor. 

Yellow  harmonizes  well  with  black  ;  brown  ;  red  ;  chestnut  or  chocolate  ;  white, 
poor  ;  purple,  agreeable  ;  violet ;  lilac,  weak  ;  dark  blue  ;  crimson  ;  pur- 
ple and  crimson  ;  purple,  scarlet  and  blue  ;  maroon ;  wine  color ;  and 
black. 


DINNER  PARTIES. 


HE  subjects  of  eating  and  dressing  doubt- 
less occupy  more  of  the  attention  of  man- 
kind than  any  others.  Savages,  in  t^ieir 
"  struggle  for  existence,"  think  much  of 
what  they  shall  eat,  or,  rather,  what  they 
can  get  to  eat,  but  the  manner  of  eating 
it  gives  them  little  concern,  and  they 
greedily  devour  their  food.  Civilized  men, 
however,  carefully  consider  not  only  what 
they  shall  eat,  but,  also,  how  they  shall  eat  it,  or  the 
manners  of  the  table.  It  would  be  interesting  to  trace 
the  art  of  dining  through  its  various  phases.  In  olden 
times  our  ancestors  carved  their  food  with  their  hunting 
knives,  and  the  joints,  in  their  transit  from  the  kitchen 
to  the  dining  hall,  had  to  be  guarded  by  ushers,  who, 
with  rods,  beat  off  the  "  letchers  "  as  they  attempted  to 
seize  the  dinner  from  the  cooks. 

The  Anglo-Saxons  lived  largely  on  bread,  and  hence 
the  domestic  was  called  a  "  loaf -eater,"  and  the  lady  of 
the  house  the  "  loaf -giver."  The  bread  was  baked  in  large, 
flat  cakes,  which  the  superstitious  cooks  marked  with  a 
cross,  to  preserve  them  from  the  perils  of  the  fire! 
Milk,  butter  and  cheese,  were  also  eaten  in  those  days, 
and  bacon  was  the  principal  meat.  Roasted  meat  was 
served  on  the  spit,  or  rod,  on  which  it  was  cooked,  and 
the  guest  tore  or  cut  off  a  piece  to  suit  himself.  A  spoon 
was  furnished  each  guest,  and  he  used  his  hunting  knife, 
which  he  drew  from  his  belt,  but  forks  were  undreamed 
of.    What  need  was  there  for  forks  when  men  had 

(160) 


DIXXZK  PAETIES, 


161 


fingers — and  used  them?  Before  dinner  was  served, 
and  again  at  its  close,  a  servant  passed  a  basin  of  water 
and  a  towel  to  each,  guest.  Under  the  circumstances  the 
need  was  apparent,  and  this  was  doubtless  the  origin 
of  the  modern  finger-bowl. 

There  has  been  a  steady  advance  from  those  times  to 
the  luxurious  dinner  table  of  the  present  day,  and  the 
studied  and  easy  manners  of  the  guests.  A  better  ex- 
ample of  the  constantly  changing  and  growing  refine- 
ment of  manners  could  hardly  be  found,  but  we  have 
not  space  to  fttrther  discuss  the  subject  here.  The 
growth  of  luxury  in  the  last  few  years  is  strikingly  illus- 
trated in  the  preparations  for  a  modern  dinner  party, 
the  whole  world  being  often  ransacked  for  novelties 
and  delicacies.  A  thousand  dollars  is  no  unusual  price 
for  a  single  dinner  for  one  or  two  dozen  guests,  and  occa- 
sionally ten.  or  even  twenty  times  that  amount  is  spent. 
But  rare  dishes  and  choice  wines  will  by  no  means  en- 
sure an  enjoyable  dinner,  and  the  great  majority  of 
dinner  givers  greatly  over-estimate  their  importance. 
Quite  as  much  (  the  writer  has  frequently  thought  more  j 
real  pleasure  is  often  derived  from  the  modest  enter- 
tainments given  by  those  in  moderate  circumstances,  as 
from  the  ostentatious  affairs  given  by  the  very  rich, — 
which  may  console  some  of  our  not  over-wealthy  readers. 

The  three  essentials  to  a  successful  dinner  are,  good 
company,  good  waiters,  and  good  cooking. 

THE  I^'VITATIOXS. 

The  invitations  should  be  sent  ten  days  or  two  weeks 
in  advance.  They  are  issued  in  the  name  of  both  host 
and  hostess,  and  after  the  form  given  in  our  chapter  on 
"  Invitations,  Acceptances  and  Eegrets"  (which  see). 

Whether  written  or  engraved,  they  should  be  on  the 
finest  note  paper,  with  envelopes  to  match.    The  paper 


162 


DINNER  PARTIES. 


should  be  plain  and  free  from  all  ornaments,  unless  there 
be  an  initial  or  monogram  stamped  upon  it. 

Seven  o'clock,  or  from  seven  to  eight,  is  the  most 
usual  hour  for  dinner  in  this  country.  Invitations,  and 
acceptances  or  regrets,  are  sent  by  messenger,  unless 
the  distance  makes  it  very  inconvenient  to  do  so,  when 
the  post  may  be  used.  An  invitation  to  dinner  is  the 
highest  social  compliment,  and  should  be  answered  im- 
mediately, and  in  the  most  formal  manner,  as  given  in 
A  the  chapter  on  " Invitations"  (which  see).  It  is  better 
to  decline  than  to  accept,  if  in  doubt  about  being  able 
fco  attend.  If  accepted,  the  engagement  must  be  scru- 
pulously kept.  If  sickness,  or  other  unforeseen  cause, 
prevents  attendance  after  having  accepted  an  invitation, 
the  hostess  should  be  notified  at  the  earliest  possible 
moment,  so  that  she  may  make  other  arrangements. 

When  a  verbal  invitation  is  given,  the  plain  infer- 
ence is,  that  it  is  to  be  an  informal  afPair,  with  plain 
dressing,  a  small  company,  and  early  hours. 

THE  NUMBER  AND  WHOM  TO  INVITE. 

The  question  of  whom  to  invite  will  cause  much  de- 
liberation. While  dinners  are  usually  regarded  as 
entertainments  for  married  people,  a  few  young  persons 
will  often  add  to  its  interest.  Those  invited  should  be 
of  the  same  social  standing,  and  a  hostess  with  tact  will 
be  careful  not  to  invite  those  who  are  known  to  be  ene- 
mies, or  who  are  disagreeable  to  each  other,  at  the  same 
time.  Such  persons  can  be  invited  on  different  occa- 
sions, and  thus  the  feelings  of  both  will  be  spared. 
Those  invited  need  not  necessarily  be  acquainted  ;  the 
invitation  may  offer  them  a  good  opportunity  to  become 
so.  Then,  too,  the  conversational  powers  of  the  guests 
should  be  considered.    Some  good  talkers,  and  some 


DINNER  PARTIES. 


163 


good  listeners,  should  be  invited,  and  they  should  be  so 
cleverly  selected  that  they  will  affiliate  readily. 

Then,  again,  the  number  to  invite  must  be  consid- 
ered. The  old  saw  is,  that  the  number  should  not  be 
less  than  the  Graces  (three),  nor  more  than  the  Muses 
(nine);  but  nine  would  bring  four  on  one  side  of  the 
table  and  three  on  the  other,  and  either  number  would 
leave  one  odd  lady  or  gentleman.  Evidently  no  worse 
numbers  than  these  could  be  selected.  Many  people 
also  have  a  superstition  (unfounded  beyond  doubt)  that 
if  thirteen  meet  at  table  one  will  die  within  a  year. 
The  sensible  hostess  must  decide  the  number  to  invite, 
and  the  size  of  the  dining  room  and  table  will  be  taken 
into  the  account.  It  is  wise  to  test  the  table,  so  that  no 
more  will  be  invited  than  can  be  seated  comfortably. 
To  try  and  squeeze  sixteen  in,  where  only  fourteen  can 
be  comfortable,  is  not  pleasant.  For  a  small  dinner,  ten 
is  a  good  number.  When  four,  eight,  twelve,  sixteen, 
or  other  numbers  divisible  by  four,  are  invited,  two  gen- 
tlemen and  two  ladies  must  sit  together,  when  the  host 
and  hostess  sit  at  the  head  and  foot  of  the  table,  which 
has  always  been  the  objection  to  these  numbers,  but  the 
guests  can  be  easily  arranged  if  the  numbers  six,  ten, 
fourteen,  eighteen,  etc.,  are  invited. 

Never  invite  a  gentleman  without  his  wife,  nor  a  lady 
without  her  husband.  There  are  exceptions  to  all  rules, 
and  to  this  the  exception  would  be  an  emergency  im- 
peratively demanding  another  guest,  and  great  intimacy 
of  the  parties.  No  more  than  three  are  invited  from 
the  same  family. 

THE  TABLE  APPOINTMENTS. 

The  French  and  the  Russian  methods  of  serving  din- 
ners are  the  two  principal  styles.  In  the  French  method 
the  dishes  are  set  on  the  table  just  as  they  are  cooked. 


164 


DINNER  PARTIES. 


and  are  carved  and  served  by  the  host  and  hostess ;  while 
in  the  Russian  method  they  are  carved  and  served  by 
the  servants,  leaving  the  host  and  hostess  free  to  engage 
in  conversation. 

The  usual  plan  of  serving  all  formal  dinners  at  pres- 
ent is  a  la  Eusse  (the  Russian  style);  that  is,  the  ser- 
vants pass  everything.  The  table  cloth  should  always  be 
white,  and  of  some  material  that  will  tvash.  It  may  be 
plain  damask,  or  some  elaborate  open  work  pattern,  but 
no  one  can  go  astray  in  using  damask.  The  plan  of 
putting  a  colored  cloth  underneath  an  embroidered  one, 
to  show  off  the  open  work,  is  thought  by  many  to  be 
inelegant,  and  is  of  questionable  taste.  It  is  always  a 
good  plan  to  spread  cotton-flannel,  or  white  felt,  over 
the  table,  before  putting  on  the  table  cloth. 

In  decorating  the  table  few  rules  can  be  given,  as  it 
is  so  largely  a  matter  of  taste,  but  one  very  popular 
form  is  to  have  a  small  silver-edged  mirror  in  the  centre 
of  the  table,  either  round  or  oval,  on  which  rests  a  cut- 
glass  bowl,  holding  a  carelessly  arranged  bunch  of  roses 
and  buds  and  maiden-hair  ferns.  This  centre  decora- 
tion is  not  removed  during  the  meal,  and  its  prevailing- 
color  dominates  the  plate  bouquets  and  the  decorations 
of  the  room. 

The  table  decorations  should  be  so  low  that  people 
on  opposite  sides  of  the  table  can  readily  see  over  them, 
or  so  high  that  they  can  see  under  them,  never  obstruct- 
ing the  view  of  the  guests.  Flowers  that  have  a  strong 
fragrance,  like  the  tuberose,  jasmine  and  hyacinth,  are 
not  as  suitable  as  pinks,  violets,  roses,  etc.,  which  please 
the  eye  without  emitting  too  strong  an  odor.  A  very 
popular  style  of  ornamentation  is  a  low,  flat,  round  or 
oblong  centre  piece,  with  bouquets  at  each  corner  which 
correspond  with  the  central  design.  There  is  almost  no 
limit  to  the  figures  and  designs  in  which  flowers,  fruits 


DINNER  PARTIES. 


166 


and  mosses  may  be  arranged,  to  add  to  the  beauty  and 
attractiveness  of  the  table.  In  these  days  almost  any 
known  flower  can  be  supplied  at  any  season  of  the  year, 
if  the  florist  is  only  notified  early  enough  that  it  will 
be  wanted.  Those  of  moderate  means  can  produce  most 
graceful  ornaments  with  wild  ferns,  moss  and  bark,  if 
only  they  have  a  little  taste  in  arranging  them. 

Flowers  that  are  wilted  can  be  restored  to  freshness 
by  cutting  their  stems  andanserting  them  in  water  that 
is  very  hot.  Preserved  in  this  way,  they  can  sometimes 
be  kept  bright  for  a  week,  which  is  much  better  than 
throwing  them  away  at  the  first  symptoms  of  fading. 

At  each  lady's  plate  there  may  be  a  small  bouquet, 
and  at  each  gentleman's,  two  or  three  flowers  for  a  but- 
ton-hole bouquet  or  hoidonniere. 

Flowers  are  so  often  wilted  by  the  heat  and  light 
that  they  should  not  be  put  on  the  table  until  immedi- 
ately before  serving  the  dinner. 

For  lighting  the  table,  candles  and  lamps  are  now 
often  used  instead  of  gas,  following  an  English  fashion. 
Elegant  branching  chandelabra  and  beautiful  lamps  are 
used,  but  too  much  light  on  the  table  dazzles  the  guests, 
and  it  is  better  to  have  much  of  the  light  come  from 
chandeliers  and  the  sides  of  the  room.  The  ventilation 
of  the  room  should  be  carefully  looked  after,  as  the  lights 
often  over-heat  it.  A.  carpet  should  be  on  the  floor  to 
deaden  the  sound  of  feet.  If  one  of  the  tissue  paper 
shades,  now  so  common,  takes  fire,  it  is  so  light  that  it 
will  burn  itself  out  without  harm  if  left  alone,  but  an 
attempt  to  blow  it  out  may  spread  the  flames  to  other 
shades. 

Carafes^  or  water  bottles,  are  placed  for  every  three 
or  four  persons,  and  a  salt  cellar  for  each  one.  The 
napkins  are  folded  square,  or  else  in  a  sort  of  triangle, 
and  each  one  holds  a  small,  thick  piece  of  bread.  This 


166 


DINNEE  PAKTIES. 


bread  should  never  be  in  slices,  but  always  in  thick 
short  pieces,  say  an  inch  thick  and  three  inches  long. 
The  napkins  should  never  have  anything  to  suggest  the 
"  hotel "  in  their  appearance,  and  they  should  be  large, 
fine  and  serviceable.  They  should  on  no  account  be  stiff 
with  starch,  nor  folded  in  any  novel  device  whatever — 
that  is  "hotel  style."  ' 

At  each  plate  there  are  usually  placed  two  knives, 
three  forks  and  a  soup  spoon,  and  a  small  knife  and  fork 
for  fish,  and  a  small  "oyster-fork"  for  oysters.  The 
kniv<es  and  forks  are  never  placed  across  the  table,  but 
the  knives  are  at  the  right  and  the  forks  at  the  left  of 
the  plate,  except  the  oyster-fork,"  which  is  at  the  right. 
A  goblet  for  water  is  placed  at  the  right  of  each  plate, 
and  claret,  wine,  hock  and  champagne  glasses,  when 
wine  is  used.  For  sherry  and  Madeira,  very  thin  glasses 
are  now  used,  and  as  they  are  easily  broken,  they  are 
not  put  on  till  dessert  is  served.  At  the  sideboards  there 
should  be  knives,  forks,  table  and  dessert  spoons,  sauce 
ladles,  tumblers,  wine  glasses  and  the  reserve  dinner 
plates,  the  coffee  cups  and  saucers,  tea  spoons  and  finger- 
bowls. 

The  dinner  is  served  from  the  side  table,  which  may 
be  in  the  hall  or  pantry,  if  the  room  is  small.  On  enter- 
ing the  room  the  guests  see  nothing  on  the  table  but  a 
few  wines,  the  bon-bons  and  fruit,  the  decorations  and 
the  "covers" — that  is  the  place  at  table  arranged  for 
each  person. 

AEEIVAL  OF  THE  GUESTS. 

The  guests  should  reach  the  house  promptly  on 
time.  If  too  early  they  are  in  the  way,  and  if  too  late 
they  disarrange  the  whole  plan  of  the  dinner.  Fifteen 
minutes  is  the  limit  of  time  allowed  to  wait  for  a  tardy 
guest.    At  formal  dinners,  each  gentleman  finds  a  card 


DINXEE  PARTIES. 


167 


in  the  hall  giving  his  name  and  that  of  the  lady  he  is  to 
escort,  and  also,  sometimes,  a  small  houtonniere  (button- 
hole bonqiiet).  which  he  fastens  on  the  lapel  of  his 
coat.  At  small  informal  parties,  the  hostess  may  say  to 
each  gentleman,  jnst  before  dinner  is  announced,  "Mr. 
Blank,  will  you  take  down  Miss  So-and-so?" 

In  entering  the  drawing  room  upon  their  arrival,  the 
rule  is  for  the  lady  to  precede  her  escort,  not  taking  his 
arm.  TThen  a  chaperon  escorts  a  young  lady,  she  takes 
the  gentleman's  place.  In  passing  out  of  a  room  the 
same  rule  prevails.  When  two  ladies  enter  or  leave  the 
room  together,  the  eldest  takes  precedence.  In  France 
the  rule  is  inflexible  that  the  lady  should  be  several 
steps  in  advance  of  the  gentleman,  and  a  violation  of 
this  rule  by  a  lady  of  rank,  on  entering  her  drawing- 
room,  was  resented  by  Madame  McMahon,  and  led  to  a 
bitter  quarrel. 

IXTEODUCTIOXS. 

A  gentleman  should  ask  the  hostess  to  introduce  him 
to  the  lady  he  is  to  escort  to  dinner,  if  they  are  unac- 
quainted, and  before  entering  the  dining  room  he  should 
endeavor  to  establish  easy  relations  with  her.  Guests 
should  secure  an  introduction  to  the  one  in  whose  honor 
the  dinner  is  given,  and  any  members  of  the  family  with 
whom  the}'  are  unacquainted.  Strangers  finding  them- 
selves side  by  side  at  the  table,  may  converse  freely 
without  an  introduction,  but  no  introduction  should 
take  place  at  the  table. 

AXXOrXCINCx  DIXXEE. 

To  ring  a  bell  to  announce  that  dinner  is  ready  is 
not  good  form.  The  butler  should  enter  the  drawing 
room  and  quietly  say,  "Dinner  is  served;"  or,  better 
still,  catch  the  eye  of  the  hostess  and  bow.    The  host 


168 


DINNER  PARTIES. 


and  hostess  should  have  used  their  utmost  tact  in  trying 
to  select  an  agreeable  partner  for  each  guest,  and  when 
dinner  is  announced  the  host  offers  his  right  arm  to  the 
lady  he  is  to  escort.  This  should  be  the  one  in  whose 
honor  the  dinner  is  given,  or  the  bride,  if  there  is  one 
present,  or  the  oldest  lady,  or  the  one  he  wishes  to 
especially  honor.  She  is  seated  at  his  right  at  the 
table.  The  other  guests  follow  in  order,  each  gentle- 
man offering  the  right  arm  to  his  lady,  and  the  younger 
falling  back  to  allow  the  older  to  take  precedence. 
The  hostess  comes  last  with  the  gentleman  she  wishes 
to  place  in  the  seat  of  honor,  which  is  at  her  right. 
The  next  best  seat  is  at  her  left,  and  the  second  best 
seat  for  a  lady  is  at  the  left  of  the  host.  The  host 
and  hostess  may  sit  opposite  each  other  at  either  the 
ends  or  the  middle  of  the  table.  Husbands  do  not 
escort  their  wives,  nor  brothers  their  sisters.  In  Eng- 
land, the  guests  enter  the  dining  room  in  accordance 
with  their  rank,  the  highest  going  first,  but  that  rule 
will  not  work  in  America. 

All  remain  standing  until  the  hostess  is  seated,  when 
they  take  the  seats  assigned  them.  This  is  usually  in- 
dicated by  a  card  (the  guest-card)  laid  at  each  place, 
on  which  is  the  name  of  the  guest  for  whom  that  seat 
is  designed.  Many  fanciful  designs  are  often  prepared 
for  these  cards.  They  may  be  hand-painted,  with  fig- 
ures of  flowers,  landscapes  or  birds,  or  have  beautiful 
etchings,  or  bronze  and  silver  ferns,  or  have  some  design 
in  consonance  with  the  giving  of  the  dinner. 

The  menus  (or  bills  of  fare)  are  a  trifle  larger  than 
the  guest-card,  and  are  often  hand-painted  also,  and  a 
tiny  bouquet  of  one  or  two  roses,  or  a  rose  and  bud, 
may  be  laid  on  each  menu,  which  is  placed  beside  the 
guest  card.  At  other  times  the  menu  is  put  in  a  pretty 
menu  holder.    It  may  be  proper  to  add,  that  some  peo- 


DINNER  PARTIES. 


169 


pie  do  not  consider  a  menu  appropriate  at  a  private 
house,  but  this  question  must  be  settled  by  the  taste  or 
preference  of  the  hostess.  The  present  style  requires 
that  the  bouquets  laid  on  the  menus  shall  be  small. 
Those  written  in  English  are  much  better  than  those  in 
French,  as  all  can  understand  them. 

SERVING  THE  DINNER. 

Eaw  oysters,  with  a  piece  of  lemon  in  the  center,  and 
served  on  an  oyster  or  majolica  plate,  are  placed  at  each 
''cover"  before  the  guests  arrive,  and  the  bread,  folded 
in  the  napkin,  is  at  the  left.  In  England,  raw  oysters 
are  not  usually  served  at  dinner,  and  in  American  cities, 
where  oysters  are  not  readily  obtained,  they  will,  of 
course,  be  omitted,  and  the  soup  will  be  the  first  course. 
Clams  are  sometimes  substituted  for  oysters. 

After  the  oysters  are  eaten,  the  plates  are  removed 
and  soup  is  served.  Half  a  ladleful  is  enough  for  each 
guest.  At  very  elaborate  dinners  two  soups  are  some- 
times served — white,  and  brown  or  clear.  Pur6e  is  a 
thick  soup,  while  a  clear  soup  is  consomm6. 

After  the  soup  comes  fish.  When  this  is  eaten  the 
plates  are  removed  and  hot  plates  should  be  ready,  on 
which  all  the  meats  are  served.  The  entrees  (pro- 
nounced ong-trays — that  is,  "those  dishes  which  are 
served  in  the  first  course  after  the  fish")  come  next, 
and  then  the  roast,  followed  by  Koman  punch  (if  it  is 
served,  as  it  is  only  appropriate  for  very  elaborate  din- 
ners), and  this  is  succeeded  by  game  and  salad.  The 
most  substantial  should  come  first,  when  more  than  one 
meat  is  served,  the  roast  preceding  the  boiled. 

The  salad  is  served  in  various  ways ;  sometimes  with 
the  game,  at  others  with  cheese,  bread  and  butter,  and 
at  still  others  it  is  made  a  separate  course  by  itself. 


170 


DINNEE  PARTIES. 


The  bread  should  be  cut  very  thin,  and  is  sometimes 
buttered,  and  sometimes  not,  before  it  is  served. 

Cheese  is  occasionally  made  a  course  by  itself. 

Only  one  or  two  vegetables  are  served  with  a  course, 
and  sometimes  asparagus,  sweet  corn,  macaroni,  etc., 
are  made  courses  by  themselves.  Indeed,  the  tendency 
is  to  serve  each  dish  by  itself  at  the  modern  dinner  table, 
but  this  fashion  may  easily  be  carried  too  far. 

After  the  cheese,  or  with  it,  comes  the  pastry  or 
pudding. 

The  ices  and  sweet  dishes  follow  the  pastry  and 
cheese,  and  then  comes  the  fruit. 

The  finger  bowls  come  with  the  fruit,  and  should 
contain  water  slightly  warmed  and  perfumed,  and  a 
doily  is  laid  between  the  bowl  and  plate. 

After  the  fruit  has  gone  round,  the  nuts,  raisins  and 
sugar  plums  are  passed,  before  the  coffee.  A  little 
dried  ginger  makes  a  very  pleasant  conserve  with  the 
bon-bons. 

As  our  readers  will  see,  the  usual  order  for  dessert  is 
pastry  (or  pudding),  ices,  fruits,  nuts  and  raisins,  and 
bon-bons. 

At  a  sign  from  the  hostess  the  guests  all  rise  from  the 
table,  and  ladies  goto  the  drawing  room, where  they  chat 
and  drink  coffee,  and  the  gentlemen  remain  a  short  time 
at  the  table,  smoking,  drinking  wine  and  talking. 

The  coffee,  which  is  passed  after  dinner,  is  poured 
out  in  the  pantry  or  kitchen,  and  passed  around  in  tiny 
cups  on  a  salver,  without  cream  or  milk,  but  with  lump 
sugar  and  little  gold  or  silver  spoons-  The  strong,  black 
coffee  {caf6  noir  is  the  French  name),  should  be  served 
for  this  occasion. 

The  different  courses  may  be  served  on  china  of  dif- 
ferent styles  and  decorations,  or  from  a  complete  service 
of  silver.    Rare  porcelains  are  more  approved  and 


DIXXEE  PARTIES. 


.171 


costly,  each  cup,  saucer,  plate,  and  the  Tarious  other 
dishes,  being"  a  work  of  art.  They  are  copied  from  the 
china  made  in  the  most  famous  factories  abroad,  and  no 
two  specimens  are  alike.  Each  course  has  dishes  appro- 
priate in  design  and  shape.  Thus  oysters  may  be  served 
on  Eoyal  TTorcester  or  Limoges  china,  in  scallops,  and 
pale  cream  color.  Dishes  decorated  with  aquatic  plants 
in  pale  sea  green,  may  be  used  for  the  fish  coui'se;  the 
game  dishes  may  have  designs  of  birds  in  the  borders; 
dishes  with  a  division  for  tlie  plant  and  stalk  may  be 
used  for  asparagus,  and  so  on,  to  the  elegant  little  cups 
for  the  coffee.  But  the  styles  of  dishes  constantly  vary 
from  year  to  year,  and  the  prevailing  style  can  be  easily 
learned  at  any  time. 

Wines  are  appointed  for  each  course,  and  are  served 
by  the  butler.  For  the  soup,  sherry  is  the  most  appro- 
priate ;  for  the  fish  course,  hock,  sauterne  and  chablis 
are  used;  and  with  the  roast  comes  claret  and  cham- 
pagne. Madeira  and  xDort  come  after  the  game,  when 
they  are  used,  and  sherry,  claret  and  Burgundy  are 
offered  with  the  dessert.  Wines  of  superior  quality  are 
served  after  dessert,  The  sparkling  wines,  like  cham- 
pagne and  hock,  are  kept  in  ice  pails,  and  opened  as 
required,  instead  of  being  decanted.  Two  or  three 
wines  are  quite  enough  for  a  small  dinner,  and  there  is 
no  better  selection  than  champagne  or  claret  with  the 
roast,  and  sherry  with  the  soup. 

FAVOES  AND  BOI'TOXXIEEES. 

The  giving  of  favors  and  houfonmeres  (  pronounced 
boo-ton-ne-airs)  has  come  to  be  quite  an  important 
■feature  of  modern  dinners,  and  much  taste  and  ingenu- 
ity are  expended  in  their  selection.  These  luxui'ies  add 
gi'eatly  to  the  elegance  of  the  entertainment  and  there  is 
almost  no  limit  to  the  length  to  which  the  wealthy  often 


172 


DINNER  PARTIES. 


go  to  secure  attractive  novelties.  There  is  an  almost 
endless  variety  o£  articles  which  are  used  for  this  pur- 
pose, and,  while  quite  expensive  favors  are  often  given, 
people  of  moderate  means  can  easily  prepare  pretty  and 
appropriate  little  presents,  which  may  be  presented  to 
guests,  and  which  will  add  greatly  to  their  pleasure  and 
delight,  for  who  does  not  enjoy  looking  over,  at  the  end 
of  the  season,  the  pretty  keepsakes  which  serve  as 
pleasant  reminders  of  the  delightful  occasions  on  which 
they  were  presented?  Doylies  worked  with  pretty  fig- 
ures; silk  handkerchiefs  with  borders;  parasols  of  flow- 
ers, or  palm-leaf  fans  painted  by  some  member  of  the 
family;  or  cards  ornamented  thus  with  some  pretty 
design;  reticules  of  bright  silk,  and  painted  ribbons — 
these,  and  numberless  other  things,  may  be  prepared 
without  much  cost  by  any  one  with  taste,  while  those 
who  do  not  need  to  consider  the  expense  will  find  many 
novelties  to  excite  the  admiration  and  please  the  fancies 
of  their  guests. 

DUTIES  OF  THE  SERVANTS. 

The  butler  is  a  very  important  personage  on  these 
occasions.  He  wears  a  full  dress  costume — dress  coat, 
white  tie,  etc.  The  other  servants  wear  livery.  The 
butler  makes  the  salad  about  half  an  hour  beforehand 
and  sees  that  the  dinner  is  in  readiness,  and  an- 
nounces it  to  the  hostess  at  the  proper  time.  One  who  is 
active  and  capable  will  dish  out  the  soup,  carve,  and 
pour  out  the  wine,  but  some  ladies  will  not  allow  their 
butlers  to  do  anything  but  pass  the  wine. 

The  number  of  servants  required  depends  on  their 
ability  and  training.  At  a  large  dinner  party  one  ser- 
vant to  every  three  guests  is  the  usual  estimate,  and 
sometimes  there  is  one  for  every  guest,  but  that  is  osten- 


DINNER  PARTIES. 


173 


tatious.  In  all  our  cities  additional  waiters  can  be  easily 
procured  for  these  occasions.  A  very  efficient  servant 
will  sometimes  attend  to  eight  or  ten  persons,  and  a 
butler  and  two  servants  will  often  wait  on  a  party  of 
twenty. 

The  good  servant  is  never  awkward,  nor  does  he 
cough,  breathe  hard,  step  on  a  lady's  dress,  drop  or  spill 
anything,  or  set  doAvn  the  dishes  noisily.  He  should 
wear  thin-soled  shoes  to  make  his  step  light.  Servants 
should  approach  the  guests  on  the  left,  so  that  they  can 
take  the  plates  with  the  right  hand.  Gloves  are  no  longer 
worn  by  servants,  but  each  one  carries  a  napkin  with 
one  corner  wrapped  around  the  thumb,  to  keep  it  from 
touching  the  plate. 

In  passing  the  dishes  the  servants  begin  with  the 
lady  sitting  at  the  right  of  the  host,  and  end  with  the 
hostess;  and  then  serve  the  gentlemen,  beginning  with 
the  one  at  the  right  of  the  hostess,  and  ending  with  the 
host.  Another  plate  is  substituted  as  soon  as  one  is 
taken  away  at  the  end  of  a  course.  Sometimes  all  the 
courses  are  served  from  the  side  tables,  but  usually  the 
entries  are  passed  to  the  guests,  and  they  are  allowed 
to  help  themselves.  As  one  servant  passes  the  meat  to 
each  guest,  another  should  follow  at  once  with  the 
proper  sauce  or  vegetables,  so  that  it  may  be  eaten  hot. 

The  wine  should  never  be  served  by  an  inexperienced 
servant,  as  it  should  be  done  adroitly.  This  should 
always  be  passed  at  the  right  of  the  guest,  instead  of  to 
the  left,  as  is  done  with  other  courses.  The  over-filling 
of  glasses,  especially  those  of  ladies,  should  be  avoided. 
The  champagne  is  passed  often  during  the  dinner,  but 
should  be  given  only  to  those  who  wish  it.  A  napkin 
should  be  wrapped  around  the  bottle,  as  it  is  usually 
covered  vnth  moisture  from  the  ice  chest.  The  servant 
should  never  put  ice  in  any  one's  glass  without  first  ask- 


174 


DINNEE  PAETIES. 


ing  if  he  wishes  it.  An  ice-bowl,  containing  broken 
ice,  is  often  passed  around  before  the  champagne,  and 
the  guests  help  themselves. 

The  butler  should  have  some  means  of  signaling  to 
the  kitchen  when  he  wants  anything,  and  of  notifying  the 
cook  to  serve  another  course  when  one  is  finished.  The 
guests  should  not  be  disturbed  by  the  clatter  of  dishes 
during  the  dinner,  and  the  plates,  etc.,  should  therefore 
be  washed  at  some  distance  from  the  dining  room,  and 
one  or  two  servants  should  be  in  readiness  to  carry  them 
away  and  return  them.  So  much  china  is  used  that  an 
abundance  should  be  provided. 

A  servant  should  never  reach  across  a  person  seated 
at  the  table  to  remove  or  pass  anything,  but  should 
always  approach  guests  from  the  left,  whatever  the  haste 
may  be,  except  in  passing  wine,  which  goes  to  the  right, 
as  before  explained. 

The  custom  of  having  the  servants  pass  dishes  to,  and 
receive  them  from  the  guests,  on  little  silver  or  brass 
trays  or  waiters,  which  is  becoming  the  style  at  present,  is 
certainly  more  elegant  than  the  old  method  of  passing 
dishes  with  their  hands.  Servants  are  expected  to  be 
better  trained  and  to  wait  on  guests  more  constantly  and 
quietly  now  than  formerly. 

DUTIES  OF  THE  HOST  AND  HOSTESS. 

The  hostess  must  be  calm  and  self-possessed  always. 
It  is  better  not  to  try  new  dishes  at  a  dinner  party,  nor 
to  attempt  one  on  such  an  unaccustomed  scale  as  to  be  in 
constant  fear  that  something  will  go  wrong.  All  the 
guests  should  be  greeted  pleasantly,  the  late  comers  as 
cordially  as  the  others,  and  they  should  be  made  to 
feel  at  ease  at  once.  In  case  of  any  mishap,  her  equa- 
nimity must  be  undisturbed,  and  the  servants  must  not 


DINNER  PARTIES.  175 

be  reproved  in  the  presence  of  the  guests.  If  by  any 
oversight  a  servant  inconveniences  a  guest,  he  should  be 
spoken  to  with  a  quiet  dignity,  that  will  not  attract  the 
attention  of  the  others.  Nothing  should  be  allowed 
to  mar  the  pleasure  of  the  occasion. 

The  host  must  be  ever  on  the  alert  to  assist  the 
hostess.  He  must  watch  the  conversation,  suggest  new 
topics  when  it  flags,  direct  it  away  from  unpleasant 
topics,  draw  out  the  reticent  and  encourage  the  shy. 
The  host  must  always  aim  to  bring  out  others,  while  he 
should  never  shine  supreme  at  his  own  table.  He  should 
possess  a  knowledge  of  the  world  that  nothing  can  sur- 
prise, and  a  calmness  and  suavity  that  nothing  can  ruffle 
As  far  as  possible  the  wants  of  all  should  be  anticipated, 
and  "  the  host  who  has  compelled  a  guest  to  ask  him  for 
anything  he  needs  is  almost  a  dishonored  man,"  says 
one  author.  Neither  host  nor  hostess  should  dress  so 
elegantly  as  to  eclipse  their  guests. 

The  hostess  should  never  allow  her  plate  to  be  re- 
moved until  all  the  guests  have  finished  eating. 

Even  formal  dinners,  with  many  courses,  should  not 
be  prolonged  unreasonably,  and  two  hours  is  now  the 
longest  time  allo\^'ed  for  them,  an  hour,  or  an  hour  and 
a  half,  being  better. 

The  hostess  should  not  appear  to  pride  herself  on 
her  table,  and  should  never  press  her  dishes  on  her 
guests.  She  should  neither  praise  her  viands  nor  apolo- 
gize for  them.  She  offers  the  best  she  has,  and  allows 
her  guests  to  judge  of  their  quality  for  themselves. 

At  the  close  of  the  meal,  when  the  hostess  sees  that 
all  have  finished,  she  looks  at  the  lady  seated  at  the 
right  of  the  host,  and  the  guests  rise.  They  retire  to 
the  drawing  room  in  the  order  in  which  they  are  seated, 
without  precedence. 

It  is  a  growing  custom  to  have  music  in  the  drawing 


176 


DINNER  PARTIES. 


room  at  the  end  of  the  dinner,  instead  of  during  its 
progress. 

WINES. 

A  well  trained  servant  mentions  each  wine  before 
pouring  it ;  do  not  allow  him  to  fill  your  glass  with  wine 
you  do  not  want.  You  can  check  him  by  touching  the 
rim  of  the  glass,  if  he  pours  more  of  any  wine  than 
you  desire.  A  wine  glass  should  be  held  by  the  stem, 
instead  of  the  bowl.  Do  not  drink  a  whole  glassful  at 
once,  nor  drain  the  last  drop.  The  drinking  of  toasts  is 
out  of  date,  but  occasionally  people  drink  one  another's 
health.  When  invited  to  drink  with  another,  you  can 
look  him  in  the  eye,  bow  slightly,  touch  the  glass  to  your 
lips,  and  then  bow  again  as  you  set  down  your  glass. 
After  having  partaken  of  wine,  you  may  decline  to  have 
the  glass  filled  again.  However  poor  the  wine  may  be, 
it  should  never  be  criticised. 

No  one  in  these  days  can  be  insensible  to  the  claims 
of  the  temperance  reform,  which  is  making  such  grati- 
fying progress.  Those  who  do  not  wish  to  drink  wine 
may,  with  perfect  propriety,  decline  it,  saying  to  the 
servant  who  passes  it,  ''not  any,  thank  you."  Wine 
should  always  be  declined  quietly,  and  without  the  least 
ostentation,  however,  for  an  ostentatious  assumption  of 
temperance  principle  would  be  very  vulgar.  So  far  as 
the  verdict  of  good  breeding  is  concerned,  there  is  no 
difference  between  an  ostentatious  display  of  contempt 
for,  or  adherance  to,  total  abstinence.  Both  would  be 
equally  coarse  and  ill-bred.  If  wine  is  placed  beside 
your  plate  without  your  being  asked  to  accept  it,  you 
can  leave  it  untouched.  A  thoughtful  hostess  will  some- 
times omit  wine  when  entertaining  a  guest  of  well  known 
temperance  principles.  No  one  who  declines  wine 
should  ever  be  pressed  to  accept  it. 


t 


DINNER  PARTIES.  177 

Total  abstainers  can,  with  perfect  propriety,  give  a 
dinner  without  wines.  Of  course,  this  may  cause  sur- 
prise when  people  are  invited  who  are  known  to  use 
them,  but  any  guest  is  bound  to  respect  the  principles 
of  his  host.  Without,  in  this  place,  entering  into  any 
discussion  of  the  total  abstinence  question,  our  readers 
will  often  be  faced  with  these  problems,  and  so  we  give 
the  rules  of  etiquette  regulating  them. 

DRESS. 

At  all  formal  dinners  the  ladies  wear  elegant  full 
dress  costumes,  with  diamonds  and  jewelry.  The  dresses 
are  now  cut  low — so  low  that  much  moralizing  is  in- 
dulged in  by  many  modest  conservatives.  Very  long 
gloves  are  now  worn. 

The  gentlemen  wear  the  evening  dress — low  cut  vests 
with  immaculate  shirt  fronts,  "  claw-hammer "  coats, 
and  light  colored  gloves,  which  are  not  removed  until 
they  are  seated  at  the  table. 

LEAVE  TAKING. 

On  departing,  guests  may  express  the  pleasure  the 
occasion  has  afforded  them,  but  further  thanks  are  now 
considered  old  fashioned. 

RETURNING  HOSPITALITIES. 

Those  who  accept  hospitalities  from  others  should 
avail  themselves  of  the  first  opportunity  to  return  them. 
Those  who  fail  to  do  so  will  be  judged  quite  harshly  by 
society.  While  true  hospitality  is  free  and  generous, 
and  cannot  and  should  not  keep  a  strict  debit  and  credit 
account,  it  is  yet  true  that  those  who  give  entertainments 
should,  after  receiving  an  invitation,  extend  one  in 


178 


DINNER  PARTIES. 


retarn  before  expecting  another  It  is  not  necessary  to 
refuse  hospitalities  because  of  limited  means,  or  the 
feeling  that  an  equally  magnificent  entertainment  can- 
not be  given  in  return,  for  when  one's  circumstances 
are  known  and  favors  of  this  kind  are  shown,  they 
should  be  accepted  in  the  spirit  in  which  they  are  offered; 
and  yet  no  suitable  opportunity  should  be  lost  to  make 
such  returns  as  are  within  one's  power.  To  show  a 
mean,  niggardly  or  indifferent  spirit,  after  receiving 
kindnesses  from  others,  is  an  evidence  of  a  coarse  and 
uncultivated  nature. 

AFTER  CALLS. 

Whether  an  invitation  to  a  dinner  is  accepted  or  not, 
all  those  invited  should  make  an  after-call  within  a  very 
short  time  after  the  entertainment.  Sending  a  card  is 
not  a  sufficient  acknowledgement  of  an  invitation  to  a 
dinner. 


TABLE  MANNERS, 


HEBE  is  liardly  any  better  criterion  of  tlie 
social  standing  of  ladies  or  gentlemen 
than  to  watch  tlieir  manners  at  the  table. 
TTe  shall  endeavor  to  give  in  this  chapter 
those  rules  with  which  all  should  be 
familiar,  and  which  all  should  observe, 
but  when  in  doubt  about  any  point,  the 
best  way  is  to  notice  the  others,  and  "  in 
Eome  do  as  the  Eomans  do/' 
It  seems  quite  surprising  at  times  to  notice  how 
many  people  appear  to  be  ignorant  of  the  simplest 
matters  in  table  manners.  "Well-dressed  and  apparently 
well-to-do  people,  will  at  times  be  guilty  of  the  most 
revolting  acts,  which  offend  and  even  disgust  their 
neighbors.  The  well-bred  person  regards  not  only  his 
own  comfort  but  he  also  considers  the  feelings  of  his 
neighbors,  and  is  careful  not  to  offend  them  when  it  is 
possible  to  avoid  it.  For  this  reason  we  commend  the 
suggestions  which  follow  to  the  consideration  of  our 
readers. 

Each  gentleman  pulls  out  his  lady's  chair  and  assists 
her  to  draw  it  to  the  table  as  she  assumes  her  seat 
(unless  there  are  servants  in  attendance  to  perform  that 
duty),  before  he  takes  his  own  seat. 

The  gloves  should  be  removed  as  soon  as  seated,  the 
roll  taken  from  the  napkin  and  laid  at  the  left  of  the 
plate,  and  the  napkin  laid  across  the  lap.  Never  tuck 
it  under  the  chin,  nor  in  the  vest  pockets.    Lift  one 

(179) 


180 


TABLE  MANNERS. 


corner  only  to  wipe  the  mouth,  but  gentlemen  with 
moustaches  must,  of  course,  be  particular  to  wipe  them 
clean,  and  they  may  handle  their  napkins  more  freely 
than  others. 

If  oysters  are  served,  begin  eating  at  once,  as  it  is 
not  fashionable  to  wait  for  others. 

Never  ask  for  a  second  plate  of  soup.  Take  soup 
from  the  side  of  the  spoon,  instead  of  the  end.  To 
make  any  noise  in  eating  it  is  the  extremity  of  rude- 
ness. Don't  tip  the  plate  and  drain  it  of  the  last  drop. 
If  you  do  not  wish  to  eat  soup,  leave  it  untouched  until 
the  servant  removes  the  plate,  instead  of  declining  it 
when  served,  which  is  bad  form. 

Sit  upright  at  the  table,  without  bending  over  or 
dropping  the  head  to  get  each  mouthful.  Do  not  get 
too  close,  nor  too  far  away  from  the  table. 

Never  butter  a  slice  of  bread  and  bite  into  it  like  a 
hungry  school  boy,  and  do  not  cut  the  slice  into  halves 
or  quarters  with  your  knife,  but  break  off  a  piece,  when 
wanted,  and  then  butter  and  eat  it.  Do  not  break 
the  bread  into  your  soup. 

As  in  serving  the  courses,  each  plate,  with  a  knife 
and  fork  upon  it,  is  set  before  you,  remove  the  knife  and 
fork  instantly,  and  lay  them  beside  the  plate.  To 
neglect  this  will  force  the  servants  to  remove  them,  and 
delay  the  progress  of  the  dinner. 

Decline  dishes  you  do  not  want  with  a  simple  "  not 
any,  thank  you,"  or  a  similar  remark,  but  do  not  add 
explanations,  such  as,  "  tomatoes  do  not  agree  with  me," 
or  anything  of  that  kind. 

Fish  is  eaten  with  the  small  silver  fish-knife  and 
fork,  which  are  provided  for  it  at  all  formal  dinners. 
With  this,  as  with  soup,  a  second  plate  should  not  be 
asked  for,  as  it  delays  the  service  of  the  meal.  Remove 
the  bones  before  conveying  the  fish  to  the  mouth,  but  if 


TABLE  MANNERS. 


181 


a  bone  gets  into  your  mouth,  never  spit  it  onto  the  plate; 
quietly  transfer  it  with  the  fork. 

If  you  wish  a  servant,  try  and  catch  his  eye,  and  a 
nod  or  sign  will  bring  him  at  once;  then  quietly  state 
what  you  desire.  Ask  a  servant,  rather  than  a  neighbor, 
for  what  you  want.  Do  not  apologize  to  a  waiter  for 
calling  him.    It  is  his  business  to  serve  you. 

The  mouth  should  be  kept  closed  in  eating,  and  no 
noise  whatever  should  be  made  by  the  mouth  in  either 
eating  or  drinking. 

Keep  your  elbows  by  your  side  in  eating,  and  never 
spread  them  out  in  cutting  meats.  Be  careful  and 
never  touch  your  neighbor  at  the  table  with  your  elbows. 

Avoid  all  appearance  of  greediness  or  haste.  To 
bolt  food  after  the  railroad  eating  house,  ten  minutes 
for  lunch"  style,  is  very  vulgar.  Never  take  large 
mouthfuls,  nor  cram  the  mouth  with  too  much  food. 
Never  take  up  one  piece  of  cake,  or  any  other  article  of 
food,  and  lay  it  down  for  another.  Never  display  hesi- 
tation or  indecision  in  selecting  your  food.  Do  not  try 
to  talk  with  a  mouth  full . 

The  old  custom  of  placing  dishes,  beautifully  garn- 
ished, on  the  table,  before  they  were  carved,  is  now  out 
of  date.    It  saves  time  to  omit  this  display. 

Do  not  wipe  your  fingers  on  the  table  cloth,  nor 
smack  the  lips,  nor  make  any  noise  with  the  mouth  when 
eating,  nor  hitch  up  your  sleeves,  as  though  preparing 
for  a  boxing  match. 

Do  not  drum  on  the  table  with  the  fingers,  nor  make 
any  other  noise.  Do  not  fumble  your  knife  and  fork, 
nor  twirl  a  goblet,  nor  manifest  any  restlessness  or  un- 
easiness. 

In  the  intervals  of  the  meal,  chat  pleasantly  with 
your  neighbors.  A  fund  of  small  talk  for  such  an  occa- 
sion is  a  desirable  accomplishment,  but  a  sullen  silence 


182 


TABLE  MANNERS. 


is  boorish.  The  guest  at  your  side  may  be  addressed 
without  any  introduction,  and  should  not  be  neglected. 
An  introduction,  however,  should  never  take  place  at 
the  table — pleasant  relations  will  be  established  with- 
out it.  Do  not  lean  forward  and  talk  across  your 
neighbor,  nor  turn  your  back  on  those  sitting  next  to  you. 

Be  careful  and  not  soil  the  table  cloth,  nor  litter  it 
with  bones  or  fragments 

At  a  long  and  elaborate  dinner  those  courses  may  be 
declined  which  are  not  wanted — except  soup,  which 
should  be  taken,  but  need  not  be  eaten,  unless  desired. 
Menu  cards  enable  guests  to  select  their  dishes.  If  a 
course  is  put  before  you  which  you  do  not  want,  do  not 
touch  it. 

It  is  now  the  custom  to  begin  eating  each  course  at 
once  as  it  is  served,  without  waiting  until  all  are  helped. 

It  is  no  longer  good  form  to  decline  the  last  piece  of 
bread  or  cake  on  the  plate.  It  implies  a  fear  that  the 
hostess  has  not  enough  for  the  meal.  Take  the  last 
piece,  and  more  can  be  ordered. 

If  you  upset  or  break  anything,  do  not  appear  dis- 
concerted, nor  apologize  while  at  the  table.  Preserve 
your  calmness  and  self-composure  at  all  times. 

When  the  ladies  leave  the  table  at  the  end  of  the 
dinner,  the  gentlemen  always  rise.  After  the  ladies 
have  retired  to  the  drawing  room,  they  resume  their 
seats  and  smoke  and  drink  wine.  They  do  not  stay  long, 
however,  and  to  over-indulge  in  wine  is  very  ill-bred. 
Excess  in  drinking  is  not  now  regarded  with  the  tolera- 
tion of  olden  times.  Gentlemen  who  do  not  wish  to 
remain  and  smoke  or  drink,  may  go  to  the  drawing 
room  with  the  ladies.  In  some  circles,  the  custom  of 
remaining  to  drink  and  smoke  is  going  out  of  style.  It 
is  an  English  custom  which  the  French  consider  bar- 
barous. 


TABLE 


183 


The  present  style  is  to  keep  a  plate  that  is  handed 
you,  instead  of  passing  it. 

Authorities  differ  as  to  whether  a  knife  and  fork 
should  be  left  on  the  plate  when  sending  it  back  for  a 
second  supply,  or  retained  in  the  hand.  The  custom  of 
leaving  them  on  the  plate  seems  to  be  gaining,  but,  as  a 
rule,  we  should  say  remove  them. 

Never  reprimand  the  waiters ;  that  should  be  left  to 
the  host. 

When  a  dish  is  passed  you  by  another  guest  instead 
of  the  servant,  help  yourself  before  passing  it  to  the 
next  person. 

Do  not  pour  tea  or  coffee  into  the  saucer  before 
drinking  it,  nor  blow  soup  to  cool  it. 

All  the  ladies  at  your  table,  including  the  members 
of  your  own  household,  are  served  before  serving  the 
gentlemen. 

Don't  eat  with  your  knife,  nor  put  it  into  your  mouth, 
and  never  help  yourself  with  your  knife,  to  butter,  salt, 
or  any  other  dish. 

Pies,  and  everything  that  can  be  cut  without  a  knife, 
should  be  eaten  with  the  fork  alone. 

Do  not  bite  fruit,  but  peel  and  cut  it  with  a  knife. 

At  meals  served  a  la  Russe,  as  it  may  delay  the 
whole  dinner,  it  is  not  customary  to  ask  for  another  dish 
of  anything,  unless  it  is  passed  a  second  time,  when,  of 
course,  more  may  be  taken,  if  it  is  wanted. 

Ladies  should  gather  up  their  skirts  at  table  out  of 
the  way  of  servants  and  others. 

Learn  to  drink  gracefully.  Don't  throw  the  head 
back  and  raise  the  glass  perpendicularly,  as  though 
eager  for  the  last  drop.  Carry  the  glass  to  the  lips,  and 
by  lifting  it  to  a  slight  angle  you  can  di'ain  its  contents. 

Don't  scrape  the  last  morsel  of  food  from  your  plate, 
nor  dip  your  bread  into  the  gravy  or  preserves. 


184 


TABLE  MANNEES. 


Never  wipe  the  forehead,  face  or  nose,  with  the  nap- 
kin— to  do  so  is  very  vulgar.  Use  your  handkerchief, 
but  never  wipe  the  nose  at  table,  unless  it  is  really 
necessary,  and  then  do  so  as  quietly  as  possible. 

Don't  lean  the  elbows  on  the  table,  nor  loi:ftige  back 
in  your  chair. 

Do  not  scratch  your  head  at  the  table. 

Bits  of  bone,  or  other  substances  which  cannot  be 
swallowed,  should  not  be  spit  out  onto  the  plate.  Ee- 
ceive  them  on  the  fork,  and  so  convey  them  to  the 
dish. 

Never  pick  your  teeth  at  the  table  if  it  can  be  avoided, 
but  if  you  find  it  necessary,  hold  one  hand  over  the 
mouth,  as  you  remove  the  obstruction  with  a  tooth-pick 
held  in  the  other. 

To  drink  from  the  saucer  is  considered  very  vulgar. 
Drink  from  the  cup. 

Guests  place  napkins  loosely  on  the  table,  instead  of 
folding  them,  when  through,  at  formal  dinners.  At  the 
family  table,  where  fresh  napkins  are  not  provided  for 
every  meal,  they  should  be  folded.  Visitors  who  are 
uncertain  about  the  habits  of  the  family  they  are  vis- 
iting, can  not  do  better  than  to  watch  the  hostess  and 
imitate  her. 

In  using  the  finger-bowl,  dip  the  fingers  in  lightly, 
pass  them  thus  moistened  across  the  mouth,  and  wipe 
both  fingers  and  mouth  delicately  on  the  napkin — usu- 
ally a  fruit  napkin — which  has  been  provided. 

Onions  and  garlic  should  never  be  eaten  before  going 
into  company.  To  inflict  such  odors  on  others  is  very 
inconsiderate. 

While  a  gentleman  will  see  that  the  lady  he  escorts 
to  the  table  is  helped  to  whatever  she  wants,  he  does  not 
help  other  ladies  who  have  escorts.  At  an  ordinary 
meal,  a  gentleman  will  be  attentive  to  the  wants  of  a 


TABLE  MANNERS. 


185 


lady  or  elderly  person  beside  whom  he  may  be  seated. 
Such  regard  for  others  is  always  acceptable. 

Do  not  allude  to  unpleasant  or  offensive  subjects,  nor 
introduce  unpleasant  topics  of  conversation  at  the  table. 

Do  not  try  to  be  over-nice,  as  you  will  only  appear 
affected,  and  an  occasional  mistake  is  better  than  that 

If  your  preference  for  a  particular  dish,  or  part  of  a 
fowl,  is  asked,  state  it  quietly  and  promptly,  but  other- 
wise you  should  express  no  choice. 

Do  not  talk  loud,  nor  laugh  boisterously,  nor  mon- 
opolize the  conversation  at  the  table. 

As  an  invitation  to  dinner  is  the  highest  social  com- 
pliment, to  afterward  ridicule  or  speak  slightingly  of 
the  meal,  or  the  host  or  hostess,  is  unpardonably  rude, 
and  will  lower  the  one  who  does  it  in  the  estimation 
of  all  right  minded  people. 

Be  scrupulously  neat  always,  and  careful  not  to  soil 
the  clothes  by  dropping  food  on  them.  Never  at  any 
time  go  to  a  table  with  an  incomplete  toilet.  It  shows 
a  want  of  respect  for  the  others. 

Do  not  cough,  sneeze  or  spit  at  the  table.  By  firmly 
■pressing  the  upper  lip  sneezing  may  be  prevented,  and 
a  napkin  should  be  held  before  the  mouth  if  a  cough  or 
sneeze  cannot  be  avoided.  In  case  of  a  violent  fit  of 
coughing,  it  is  best  to  leave  the  table  until  it  is  over. 

Never  drift  into  heated  discussions,  nor  introduce 
heavy  or  abstruse  topics  of  conversation.  The  table  is 
the  place  for  light  and  cheerful  chit-chat. 

No  one  but  the  host  should  call  for  a  toast  or  a  song 
at  a  gentleman's  party 

The  mistress  of  the  house  presides  at  a  dinner  given 
to  gentlemen  exclusively,  but  at  once  retires  at  the  con- 
clusion of  the  meal,  leaving  them  to  smoke,  etc. 

Never  criticise  nor  appear  to  closely  and  hesitatingly 
examine  the  food.    To  do  so  is  very  rude. 


186 


TABLE  MANNEBS. 


For  English-speaking  people,  menus,  or  bills  of  fare, 
in  English,  are  much  better  than  those  in  French. 

It  is  very  rude  to  flourish  the  knife  and  fork  by  way 
of  emphasizing  one's  conversation,  or  to  drum  on  the 
table  with  them  in  an  absent-minded  way. 

For  a  host  or  hostess  to  press  food  upon  guests,  or 
urge  them  to  eat  any  food  they  have  declined,  is  very 
ill-bred. 

As  some  people  cannot  eat  new  bread,  a  hostess 
would  do  well  to  provide  both  old  and  new  when  enter- 
taining guests  of  whose  tastes  she  is  ignorant. 

Keep  the  hands  below  the  table  when  unoccupied, 
instead  of  thrusting  them  into  prominence  by  resting 
them  on  the  top. 

At  any  meal,  do  not  leave  the  table  before  the  others 
without  asking  to  be  excused. 

If  you  send  for  a  second  cup  of  tea  or  cofiPee,  place 
your  teaspoon  in  the  saucer,  instead  of  leaving  it  in 
the  cup. 

Gentlemen  do  not  pare  fruit  for  ladies,  unless  they 
are  requested  to  do  so. 

Place  your  knife  and  fork  side  by  side  on  your  plate 
when  you  have  finished  a  course. 

Do  not  whisper  or  have  confidences,  nor  talk  across 
another  at  the  table. 

A  guest  may  compliment  a  good  dish,  but  it  should 
be  done  delicately  and  without  any  approach  to  fulsom 
flattery.  That  is  always  disgusting.  A  story  is  told  of 
an  old  lady  in  Vermont  who  prided  herself  on  her 
ability  to  make  the  finest  biscuit  of  any  cook  in  town. 
One  day  her  pastor  took  tea  with  her,  and  as  she  passed 
him  some  of  her  famous  biscuit,  she  said  deprecatingly, 
They  are  not  as  good  as  usual ;  I  fear  they  are  not  fit 
to  eat."  "Indeed,"  said  the  good  man,  "then  I  won't 
have  any."    "Well,  I  guess  they  are  good  enough  for 


TABLE  MANNERS. 


187 


you,"  was  her  indignant  rejoinder.  An  adroit  man  of 
the  world  would  have  taken  a  biscuit,  and  after  tasting  it, 
would  have  said,  ''They  may  not  be  as  good  as  usual,  but 
I  never  ate  better,"  which  would  have  made  the  old  lady 
happy  and  gained  her  lasting  devotion, — and  probably 
would  not  have  stretched  the  truth  much. 

ON  EATING  VEGETABLES,  FEUIT,  BEEEIES  AND 
OTHEE  DISHES. 

It  is  important  to  all  those  who  would  appear  well- 
bred  to  know  how  to  eat  the  various  articles  of  food 
gracefully,  and  so  we  offer  a  few  suggestions  regarding 
the  most  correct  method  of  eating  many  of  the  more 
common  dishes. 

Potatoes,  squash  and  nearly  all  vegetables,  are  now 
eaten  with  the  fork. 

Asparagus  is  taken  in  the  fingers,  unless  too  much 
covered  with  sauce. 

Artichokes  are  also  taken  with  the  fingers,  and  cel- 
ery is  almost  invariably  so  eaten. 

Green  corn  is  a  problem,  some  people  thinking  it 
perfectly  proper  to  eat  it  from  the  cob,  and  others 
thinking  that  style  barbarous.  In  such  cases  it  is  best 
to  conform  to  the  custom  of  the  company  you  are  in. 
The  late  plan  is  to  attach  a  little  spike-like  arrange- 
ment to  each  end  of  the  cob  and  so  hold  it,  with  handles, 
so  to  speak,  while  the  corn  is  bitten  from  the  ear. 

Croquettes,  patties  and  all  similar  dishes  are  eaten 
with  a  fork. 

In  eating  the  hard  cheeses,  one  may  break  off  a  small 
piece  and  convey  it  to  the  mouth  with  the  thumb  and 
finger,  although  some  authorities  recommend  eating  it 
wLth  a  fork,  but  that  is  not  necessary.  All  the  soft 
cheeses,  however,  are  eaten  with  a  fork. 


188 


TABLE  MANNERS. 


Strawberries  and  cream,  are,  of  course,  eaten  with  a 
spoon,  but  the  English  serve  strawberries  on  the  stem, 
and  then  take  one  up  in  the  fingers,  dip  it  in  sugar,  and 
eat  it.  Some  foreigners  pour  wine  on  straw^berries,  but 
that  destroys  their  flavor,  and  the  American  method  of 
eating  these  delicious  berries  is  much  better. 

Peaches  and  cream,  preserves  and  all  stewed  fruits 
are  eaten  with  a  spoon,  and  so  areall  juicy  melons  which 
cannot  be  eaten  with  a  fork  conveniently. 

A  spoon  is  used  in  eating  Roman  punch.  Ices  are 
sometimes  eaten  with  a  fork,  but  usually  with  a  spoon. 

Id  eating  lettuce,  the  knife  and  fork  must  both  be 
used  if  the  leaf  is  large,  but  the  fork  must  be  used  to 
convey  it  to  the  mouth.  A  piece  of  bread  may  be  used 
in  gathering  the  lettuce  onto  the  fork. 

With  salad,  bread,  butter  and  cheese  are  served,  and 
a  salad  knife  and  fork  are  important.  It  is  in  bad  form 
to  cut  up  salad  very  fine  on  one's  plate.  Let  that  be 
done,  if  at  all,  before  it  is  brought  to  the  table. 

Olives  may  be  placed  on  the  table  before  the  guests 
arrive,  or  they  may  be  brought  on  after  the  soup  is 
served.  They  may  be  taken  with  a  spoon  from  the  dish 
in  which  they  are  served,  and  eaten  with  a  fork  or  with 
the  fingers.  It  is  considered  equally  proper  to  eat  them 
either  way. 

Canned  tomatoes,  corn,  etc.,  are  eaten  with  a  spoon 
usually,  although  with  the  growing  use  of  the  fork  some 
people  now  use  that. 

Pineapple  is  cut  with  the  knife  and  conveyed  to  the 
mouth  with  a  fork. 

A  silver  knife  is  used  in  eating  apples  and  pears. 
They  are  peeled,  cut  into  quarters,  and  eaten  with  the 
fingers  usually,  but  if  the  fruit  is  very  juicy,  like  some 
pears,  it  is  better  to  use  a  fork.  It  is  always  better  to 
use  a  fork,  even  at  the  peril  of  seeming  affected,  than  to 


TABLE  MANNERS. 


189 


offend  the  taste  of  another  by  making  a  mess  with  the 
lingers,  as  some  careless  people  often  do.  A  steel  knife 
is  never  used  in  eating  fruit  because  the  juice  stains  the 
steel,  and  it  gives  an  unpleasant  flavor  to  the  fi'uit. 

Oranges  are  peeled  and  separated  into  their  natural 
sections,  although  they  are  sometimes  cut  instead. 
They  are  often  pared  with  a  spoon  by  English  people. 
To  eat  an  orange  gracefully  requires  some  practice  and 
skill. 

Bananas  are  peeled  and  sliced  with  a  knife  and  eaten 
with  a  fork. 

A  whole  grape  is  put  into  the  mouth.  The  skin  and 
seed  are  ejected  into  the  half  closed  hand,  which  for  the 
time  being  conceals  the  mouth,  and  they  are  then  con- 
veyed by  the  hand  to  the  plate.  Xever  spit  the  skins 
and  seeds  directly  onto  the  plate,  without  thus  receiving 
them  into  the  hand. 

THE  KNIFE,  FOEK  AND  SPOON. 

To  eat  gracefully,  at  the  present  day,  is  an  art,  and  to 
handle  the  knife,  fork  and  spoon  elegantly,  and  without 
offending  the  sensibilities  of  any  of  the  fastidious  guests, 
requires  some  study  by  those  who  had  not  the  advantage 
of  careful  early  training. 

The  Knife. — This  is  the  easiest  of  the  three  to 
handle,  and  is  now  little  used  except  for  cutting  meats, 
etc.  Do  not  grasp  it  too  far  down  on  the  blade,  nor 
hold  it  too  tightly.  Never  use  it  to  convey  food  to  the 
mouth.  To  see  a  guest  eat  with  his  knife,  and  thrust  it 
into  his  mouth,  will  send  the  cold  chills  up  and  down  the 
spine  of  many  hostesses. 

It  may  be  of  interest  to  some  of  our  readers  to  know 
that  the  aversion  to  the  use  of  the  knife  is  of  compara- 
tively recent  origin,  and  is  not  now  universally  felt 
among  civilized  people.    In  England  and  her  colonies, 


190 


TABLE  MANNEES. 


and  in  France,  Austria  and  America  the  *'knife  line"  is 
strictly  drawn ;  but  the  Russians  ( except  those  who 
adopt  the  French  manners),  the  Poles,  Danes,  Swedes, 
Italians  and  Germans,  often  thrust  their  knives  into 
their  mouths  and  do  not  consider  it  inelegant. 

Salt  may  be  taken  from  the  indiyidual  salt  cellars  on 
the  point  of  the  knife. 

The  Fork. — This  is  quite  a  recent  invention.  It  was 
not  known  in  the  days  of  Queen  Elizabeth,  except  a 
dainty  little  thing  used  for  eating  preserved  fruit  at  des- 
sert. The  earliest  now  to  be  found  dates  not  earlier 
than  the  middle  of  the  reign  of  Charles  II.  The  first 
forks  were  three-pronged,  and  the  four-pronged  forks 
appeared  about  the  time  of  the  reign  of  George  III. 

The  fork  is  much  more  difficult  to  handle  than  the 
knife — in  fact  it  is  at  present  the  favorite  of  fashion, 
and  having  supplanted  the  knife  it  is  rapidly  trespas- 
sing on  the  domain  of  the  spoon.  Mrs.  Sherwood  tells 
of  a  wag  who,  noticing  the  increasing  use  of  the  fork, 
said  that  about  the  only  thing  not  eaten  with  it  at  pres- 
ent was  afternoon  tea!  Nearly  all  the  food  is  now 
carried  to  the  mouth  with  the  fork — the  only  exception 
being  the  limited  number  of  articles  still  left  for  the 
spoon.  But  little  food  should  be  carried  to  the  mouth 
at  a  time.  To  overload  the  fork,  and  then  with  a  sud- 
den toss  to  throw  its  cargo  into  the  mouth,  is  uncouth, 
and  savors  of  the  cheap  restaurant  style.  Coolness  and 
deliberation  are  essentials  of  graceful  eating.  Again, 
the  fork  should  not  be  carried  around  until  it  stands  at 
right  angles  to  the  mouth,  and  then  be  thrust  vigorously 
in,  as  you  would  thrust  a  sword  into  an  adversary's  body. 
The  correct  way  is  to  keep  it  nearly  parallel  with  the 
mouth  as  the  food  is  delivered.  The  fork  is  also  used 
to  convey  back  to  the  plate  fish  bones  and  other  articles 
which  cannot  be  readily  swallowed. 


TABLE  MANNERS. 


191 


The  Spoon. — This  is  used  for  all  the  dishes  which 
are  too  liquid  for  the  fork,  such  as  soup,  preserves,  can- 
ned fruits,  berries  eaten  with  cream,  puddings,  custards, 
Roman  punch,  water  ices,  tea,  coffee,  and  so  on.  Soup 
should  always  be  drawn  from  the  side  instead  of  the  end 
of  the  spoon,  and  care  should  be  exercised  not  to  thrust 
the  tea-spoon  and  dessert-spoon  too  far  into  the  mouth, 
nor  should  they  ever  be  twisted  in  the  mouth  or  licked 
with  the  tongue  in  childish  fashion.  The  spoon  should 
always  be  taken  out  and  laid  in  the  saucer,  and  not  left 
standing  in  the  teacup.  A  very  small  spoon  is  served 
with  the  after  dinner  coffee  ;  a  large  one  would  not  har- 
monize with  the  tiny  cups. 

CAEYING. 

Everyone  should  know  how  to  carve »  "While  the  but- 
ler does  the  carving  and  relieves  the  host  in  the  present 
a  la  Russe  style  of  dinner  there  are  the  many  informal 
and  family  dinners,  picnics,  and  so  on,  where  he  is  not 
thus  relieved  from  service,  and  as  much  of  the  pleasure 
of  a  good  dinner  depends  on  the  carving  it  is  a  desirable 
accomplishment  for  all.  Formerly  in  England  there  were 
regular  schools  where  this  art  was  taught,  and  at  one  time 
the  duty  of  carving  devolved  on  the  lady  of  the  house, 
while  the  host  dispensed  the  wine.  Lady  Mary  Wortley 
Montague  took  lessons  three  times  a  week,  and  then  she 
dined  an  hour  or  so  in  advance  of  the  others  so  that  she 
might  perform  this  office  at  her  father's  table,  and  other 
ladies  did  the  same  in  those  days.  We  offer  a  few  sug- 
gestions on  the  art  which  maybe  helpful  to  some  of  our 
readers. 

To  carve  well  the  knife  must  be  sharp,  which  should 
be  attended  to  before  going  to  the  table,  and  it  should 
be  made  of  the  best  steel.  The  fork  should  be  furnished 
with  a  guard,  and  be  long  and  strong. 


192 


TABLE  MANNERS. 


Carving  Joints, — Probably  the  best  way  to  carve  a 
hara  is  to  begin  in  the  midle  of  the  ham  and  cut  across 
it.  The  knife  should  be  very  sharp,  and  thin,  even 
slices,  should  be  cut,  always  cutting  clear  to  the  bone. 
A  more  economical  way,  and  one  which  is  often  prac- 
tised, is  to  begin  at  the  large  end  and  work  down. 

In  carving  a  sirloin  of  beef,  it  will  be  found  a  great 
advantage  if  the  knife  is  inserted  just  above  the  bone, 
at  the  bottom  of  the  meat,  and  run  sharply  along  be- 
tween the  bone  and  meat,  thus  separating  them,  and 
also  divide  the  meat  from  the  bone  in  the  same  way  at 
the  side  of  the  joint;  the  slices  will  then  come  away 
more  readily.  In  carving  the  upper  part,  many  carvers 
cut  across  the  sirloin,  but  a  better  way  is  to  cut  it  length- 
wise. The  slices  should  be  thin,  even,  and  should  go  to 
the  bone.  The  underside,  or  tenderloin  part,  should  be 
cut  thin,  lengthwise,  and  a  little  of  the  soft  fat  given 
with  each  piece.  As  the  underside  is  usually  considered 
the  choicest  part,  a  little  should  be  given  with  each 
plate,  or  else  ask  the  guest  whether  the  outside  or  under- 
side is  preferred. 

Less  skill  is  required  in  carving  a  round  of  beef  than 
any  other  piece.  Cut  a  thick  slice  off  of  the  top  to 
leave  the  surface  smooth,  and  then  thin,  even  slices, 
should  be  cut  across  the  round,  parallel  with  the  top, 
and  a  little  of  the  fat  should  be  served  with  each  piece. 

Bibs  of  beef  are  carved  much  the  same  as  the  sirloin, 
before  described.  Separate  the  meat  from  the  bone 
first,  and  then  cut  in  thin,  even  slices. 

A  fillet  of  veal  is  cut  in  the  same  manner  as  a  round 
of  beef.  Have  the  slices  thin  and  even.  A  little  of  the 
stuffing,  and  a  little  fat,  should  be  given  with  each  plate. 
As  the  brown  outside  is  preferred  by  some  people,  an 
honored  guest  may  be  asked  if  he  prefers  it. 

A  leg  of  mutton  is  carved  by  beginning  in  the  mid- 


TABLE  MANNERS. 


193 


die,  instead  of  either  end,  and  cutting  across  the  leg. 
Have  the  knife  sharp  and  cut  thin,  deep  slices,  and  give 
each  one  a  little  of  the  fat,  and  some  of  the  brown  or 
outside. 

A  saddle  of  mutton  is  carved  in  thin,  even  slices, 
running  from  tail  to  end,  beginning  to  carve  close  to  the 
back  bone.  Cut  each  piece  quite  down  to  the  bone, 
and  give  some  fat  from  the  sides  on  each  plate. 

A  haunch  of  mutton  is  carved  by  first  cutting  quite 
down  to  the  bone  on  the  knuckle  (or  small)  end,  and 
then  slices  are  cut  the  whole  length  of  the  haunch,  much 
the  same  as  in  the  saddle  of  mutton. 

In  carving  a  fore-quarter  of  lamb,  the  shoulder 
should  be  first  cut  away  from  the  breast  and  ribs  by 
passing  the  knife  under  and  around  the  shoulder,  being 
careful  not  to  cut  away  too  much  meat  with  it.  Then 
cut  the  ribs  from  the  brisket,  or  gristly  part,  and  the 
guests  may  be  helped  from  the  shoulder,  brisket  or  ribs, 
as  they  prefer. 

A  roast  pig  should  be  cut  in  two  before  it  is  sent  to 
the  table.  In  carving,  the  shoulder  is  first  cut  from  the 
carcass  by  passing  the  knife  around  it.  The  leg  is  then 
cut  off  in  the  same  way.  The  ribs  are  then  separated. 
As  some  prefer  one  part  and  some  another,  the  tastes  of 
the  different  guests  should  be  consulted  in  serving  them. 

PoiiUry. — In  carving  a  goose,  first  cut  thin,  even 
slices,  from  the  breast,  A  hole  should  then  be  cut  v/ith 
the  knife  in  the  "apron,"  and  some  of  the  stuffing  given 
with  each  plate.  The  fork  is  placed  inside  the  leg,  and 
it  is  gently  forced  away  from  the  body,  and  this  enables 
the  carver  to  readily  find  the  joint  and  cut  through  it, 
when  he  wishes  to  cut  away  the  leg.  The  wings,  side 
bones  and  neck,  are  then  cut  off.  Skillful  carving  con- 
sists in  getting  as  many  slices  as  possible  from  the 
breast,  and  it  is  singular  how  many  more  a  good  carver 
will  provide  than  a  bad  one. 


194 


TABLt:  MANNERS. 


Carving  a  turkey  is  much  the  same  as  carving  a 
goose.  The  carver  begins  by  cutting  thin  slices  from 
the  breast,  cutting  down  towards  the  wing  and  working 
up  towards  the  breast-bone.  Serve  guests  with  the  part 
they  prefer,  but  gravy  should  never  be  poured  over 
white  meat,  as  it  spoils  its  delicate  appearance. 

In  carving  a  fowl  or  chicken,  first  cut  the  legs  from 
the  body.  Next  take  off  the  wings,  and  then  carve  the 
breast. 

Small  game  birds  are  usually  carved  by  simply  cut- 
ting them  in  two  from  the  neck  to  the  tail.  If  very 
small,  they  are  often  served  whole. 

There  are  various  ways  of  carving  a  rabbit.  A  good 
way  is  to  pass  the  knife  along  both  sides  of  the  back- 
bone, from  head  to  tail.  Then  divide  the  sides  cross- 
ways  and  nearly  in  the  center,  and  then  cut  off  the  legs 
and  shoulders. 

A  tongue  is  first  cut  in  the  middle  and  across  the 
tongue,  and  good  slices,  not  too  thin,  are  cut  out  until 
the  best  portions  of  the  tongue  are  served.  The  fat  lies 
near  the  root  of  the  tongue,  and  a  little  can  be  served 
to  those  who  like  it. 

Fish — Care  should  be  exercised  in  carving  fish  to  keep 
it  in  perfect  flakes,  as  to  break  them  destroys  the  beauty 
of  the  fish.  As  steel  knives  and  forks  impart  a  very 
disagreeable  flavor  to  fish,  they  should  never  be  used  in 
carving  them.  Silver  or  plated  fish-knives  are  the  best. 
In  carving  large  fish  the  knife  should  first  be  run  down 
close  to  the  back-bone  and  the  whole  length  of  the  fish, 
thus  cutting  it  in  two.  Then  cut  regular  slices  across 
the  fish  for  the  guests.  Small  fish,  like  brook-trout,  are, 
of  course,  served  whole. 


LUNCHEONS,  BREAKFASTS  AND 
SIMPLE  DINNERS. 


INNEE  parties  are  usually  sucli  formal  and 
ceremonious  affairs,  involving  so  much 
trouble  and  expense,  that  many  people  hesi- 
tate about  giving  them,  or  attempt  them 
very  rarely.  Various  less  formal  affairs  are, 
therefore,  quite  popular,  as  they  involve  little 
care  or  expense,  and  yet  enable  people  to 
manifest  the  spirit  of  hospitality,  for  it  has 
been  felt  in  all  ages  and  among  all  nations, 
savage  as  well  as  civilized,  that  to  entertain  another  was 
a  peculiar  evidence  of  good  will,  which  would  cement 
friendship  and  heal  animosities. 

LUNCHEONS. 

Luncheon  is  a  meal  of  comparatively  recent  date. 
It  may  be  quite  a  formal  affair — a  dinner  in  all  but  the 
name ;  or  it  may  be  a  very  informal  and  friendly  gather- 
ing. Any  meal  taken  between  or  after  the  regular  meals 
is  now  called  a  luncheon.  The  invitations  to  a  luncheon 
may  be  given  verbally,  or  written,  or,  for  very  formal 
occasions,  engraved.  To  a  formal  invitation  a  prompt 
answer  should  be  sent,  and  if  unable  to  attend  after 
having  accepted,  the  hostess  should  be  promptly  noti- 
fied. Many  who  dread  the  pomp  and  ceremony  of  a 
"  dinner,"  take  refuge  in  a  luncheon,  and  entertain  their 
friends  in  a  sort  of  formal-informal  way.  A  colored 
table  cloth,  which  a  strict  and  elegant  taste  would  forbid 
for  a  dinner,  may  be  allowed  at  a  luncheon,  but  even 

(196) 


LUNCHEONS,  BREAKFASTS,  ETC. 


197 


here  the  white  are  the  handsomest  cloths.  In  some  in- 
formal affairs  the  table-cloth  is  dispensed  with  alto- 
gether, and  the  Innch  is  served  on  the  mahogany  table, 
but  this  is  nnusnal.  One  who  has  elegant  china  can 
display  it  to  great  advantage  in  the  broad  daylight  of  the 
afternoon  lunch.  The  strict  punctuality  of  a  dinner  is 
not  required  at  a  luncheon,  unless  it  is  a  very  formal 
affair.  The  ordinary  luncheon  permits  of  an  irregular 
number  of  guests,  and  an  excess  of  either  ladies  or  gen- 
tlemen— in  fact,  as  the  gentlemen  are  usually  engaged 
in  business  at  the  most  common  lunch  hour,  the  ladies 
generally  predominate,  and  not  infrequently  have  it  all 
to  themselves.  The  elegant  dresses  of  ball  room  and 
dinner  parties  are  never  worn  by  ladies  at  luncheons. 
Sometimes  an  elegant  reception  dress  is  worn,  and  again 
a  tailor-made  street  costume,  and  all  varieties  of  dress 
between  are  common.  Hats  and  bonnets  need  not  be 
removed  by  ladies,  but  gloves  should  be  pulled  off  be- 
fore taking  a  seat  at  the  table.  Gentlemen  may  wear 
the  morning  dress,  or  even  a  lawn-tennis  suit,  at  a  wat- 
ering place.  Guests  go  to  the  dining  room  separately, 
instead  of  arm-in-arm,  but  the  ladies  go  first.  It  is  im- 
material where  they  sit. 

Guests  may  help  themselves  and  one  another,  and 
the  gentlemen  may  wait  on  ladies.  In  America,  most 
hostesses  prefer  to  have  one  servant  remain  during  the 
whole  meal,  but  in  England  the  servants  usually  leave 
the  dining  room  after  seiwing  the  first  courses.  The 
butler  should  wear  the  morning  dress,  but  never  the 
full  evening  dress,  which  he  dons  at  a  dinner  party.  If 
there  is  a  second  servant,  he  may  wear  livery  or  not,  as 
the  hostess  prefers.  The  host  may,  or  may  not,  be  pres- 
ent, as  he  finds  most  convenient,  and  children  who  are 
not  old  enough  to  fully  understand  the  manners  of  the 
table,  should  dine  elsewhere. 


198 


LUNCHEONS,  BREAKFASTS  ETC. 


If  the  luncli  is  an  informal  one,  the  usual  arrange- 
ment is  to  have  at  each  cover  two  knives,  two  forks  and 
spoons,  two  wine  glasses — one  for  sherry  and  another 
for  claret — and  a  water  goblet,  a  napkin,  folded  with 
bread  in  it  as  for  dinner,  and  a  small  salt  cellar.  At  an 
elaborate  lunch  there  may  be  three  knives  and  forks, 
and  a  fork  for  oysters  at  each  place.  Table  mats  are  not 
used  at  either  dinner  or  lunch— they  are  out  of  date — but 
the  waiter  wipes  each  dish,  before  putting  it  on  the  table, 
with  a  towel  which  is  kept  for  that  purpose  in  the  pan- 
try. At  luncheon  menu  cards  are  never  used.  In  Eng- 
land wine  is  given  instead  of  tea  and  coffee,  but  in 
America  tea  and  coffee  are  sometimes  given  without  the 
wine,  especially  when  ladies  alone  lunch  together.  Bouil- 
lon is  occasionally,  though  rarely,  offered  in  summer. 
Tea  and  coffee  both  are  not  necessary.  Either  one,  or 
chocolate,  will  do.  At  a  formal  lunch  they  are  passed 
around  on  a  salver  by  a  waiter,  while  another  follows 
with  the  cream  and  sugar,  but  if  it  is  informal,  the  hos- 
tess pours  them  out. 

At  luncheon  the  bill  of  fare  may  be  varied  in- 
definitely, but  some  hot  dishes  or  soup  are  usually 
desired  by  most  people.  Cold  meats  and  salads,  how- 
ever, are  always  in  order,  and  so  are  oysters,  which  are 
always  popular  in  America.  Fish,  croquettes,  French 
chops  and  vegetables,  may  be  served.  For  the  dessert, 
the  plainer  loaf  cakes,  puddings,  ice  cream,  blanc 
mange,  jellies  and  tarts,  are  appropriate.  Chocolate  is 
most  suitable  in  the  middle  of  the  day,  being  rather 
heavy  for  evening. 

Formal  lunches  are  usually  served  a  la  Russe,  and 
a  bouquet  or  some  pretty  favor  is  placed  beside  each 
plate.  The  waiters  pass  each  course,  beginning  with 
the  lady  who  sits  at  the  right  of  the  host.  When  only 
members  of  the  family  are  present,  the  mistress  is 
served  first. 


LU^'CHEo^'s,  beeaepasts,  etc. 


199 


It  is  not  usnal  to  remain  long  after  the  close  of  a 
lunch,  unless  the  friends  are  very  intimate,  or  music, 
or  some  other  entertainment,  is  proTiclecI,  half  an  hour 
being  long  enough. 

Calls  are  made  after  a  formal  lunch  the  same  as  after 
a  dinner,  Tvhether  the  invitation  was  accepted  or  not ; 
but  after  informal  aifairs  they  are  not  recjuired. 

Luncheons  "  and  Lunches.'' — A  question  is  some- 
times raised  as  to  the  difference  between  ^'lunches'"' 
and  luncheons.*"  In  America,  custom  recognizes  very 
little  difference  between  the  two,  and  the  terms  are  used 
interchangeably.  Some  conserTative  people  insist  that 
the  word  lunch  is  alone  proper,  but  the  great  majority 
do  not  observe  their  rule.  The  English  use  the  word 
^'luncheon"  very  generally  for  the  mid-day  meal,  and 
Americans  are  adopting  that  term.  Some  authorities 
insist  that  the  word  "  lunch"'  should  be  applied  to  the  mid- 
day family  meal,  and  "  luncheon**  confined  to  those  enter- 
tainments given  after  breaiifast  and  before  the  dinner 
hour,  but  an  invitation  to  a  '"'ladies'  lunch,"  or  ''a  lunch 
party.""  is  very  common,  and  our  readers  will  not  be  far 
amiss  in  using  either  term. 

BEEAEFASTS. 

^'A  French  hrecikfasi''  is  a  meal  served  a  little 
earlier  than  the  lunch.  In  some  circles  a  late  breakfast 
is  coming  into  fashion,  to  which  people  are  invited,  in- 
stead of  to  lunch.  There  is  little  difference  between 
them  except  the  hour  at  which  they  are  held — as  the 
breakfast  may  be  at  twelve  o'clock,  while  a  lunch  would 
come  at  one,  or  later.  Any  fruit  that  may  be  in  season 
is  usually  offered  for  the  first  course,  and  eggs,  cooked 
in  various  ways,  are  quite  generally  served. 


200 


LUNCHEONS,  BREAKFASTS,  ETC. 


Social  breakfasts  are  now  popular  in  American  cities. 
The  hours  are  from  nine  until  twelve,  ten  being  the 
most  popular  time.  The  hour  debars  business  men,  but 
literary  men,  and  men  of  leisure,  find  it  a  convenient 
time.  Invitations  may  be  sent  four  or  five  days  in 
advance,  or  may  be  quite  informal.  They  are  usually 
very  social  and  informal  gatherings.  The  toilets  are 
very  simple,  and  the  bill  of  fare  consists  of  but  few 
courses,  which  should  be  of  the  best  and  tastefully 
served,  but  nothing  elaborate  is  attempted.  The  hostess 
pours  the  tea,  coffee  or  chocolate,  and  the  host  serves 
the  other  dishes,  or  they  are  served  from  the  side  table. 
The  guests  leave  soon  after  the  close  of  the  meal,  and 
no  after-calls  are  required. 

For  the  more  formal  affairs  occasionally  given,  the 
invitations  are  more  elaborate,  and  the  guests  dress  more 
handsomely,  but  without  wearing  the  full  evening  cos- 
tumes. The  entrance,  going  to  the  dressing  room  and 
thence  to  the  drawing  room,  and  the  greetings  to  the 
hostess,  are  the  same  as  for  the  formal  dinner.  Each 
gentleman  is  assigned  to  a  lady,  and,  on  reaching  the 
table,  their  places  are  indicated  by  cards.  The  guests 
take  their  leave  soon  after  the  meal  is  over.  An  after- 
call  is  required.  Ladies  may  call  on  the  reception  day, 
if  the  hostess  has  one,  and  gentlemen  can  call  some 
evening — or  send  cards,  if  prevented  by  business  from 
calling  during  the  conventional  hours- 

SUPPER  PARTIES. 

Supper  parties,  given  late  in  the  evening  or  at  the 
close  of  the  opera  or  theatre,  are  coming  into  vogue. 
Some  physicians  have  objected  to  late  suppers,  while 
others,  equally  eminent,  assert  that  they  are  conducive 
to  balmy  sleep,  so  that  it  is  an  open  question  whether 


LUXCHEOXS,  BREAKFASTS,  ETC. 


201 


they  are  really  injurious,  and  each  individual  must  be 
"  a  law  to  himself."  At  this  meal  everything  should  be 
dainty  and  attractive.  The  service  is  much  the  same  as 
for  dinner.  Game  of  any  kind  is  seryed,  and  oysters, 
lobsters,  salads^  fruit  and  ices.  Cheese  is  not  usually 
offered,  although  some  think  it  necessary.  Beef  is  not 
served,  unless  in  the  form  of  a  fillet,  and  even  that  is 
objected  to  by  many  as  being  too  heavy.  The  table  may 
be  decorated  with  flowers,  and  the  glass  and  china  shoukl 
be  arranged  to  make  it  look  as  elegant  as  possible.  The 
plates,  knives  and  forks,  are  removed  after  each  course, 
and  clean  ones  supplied. 

A  simple  and  inexpensive  supper  is  often  given  after 
the  theatre,  or  on  returning  from  a  sleigh  ride  or  tobog- 
gan slide,  when  only  oysters,  and  cold  chicken  or  turkey, 
lobster  or  other  salad,  and  ice  cream  is  offered.  Only 
one  servant  is  needed,  but  the  plates,  knives  and  forks, 
are  changed  the  same  as  at  a  more  formal  meal.  Hot 
coffee,  in  small  cups,  may  be  given,  and  some  old  fami- 
lies offer  hot  mulled  wine. 

SIMPLE  DIXXEES. 

Many  people  who  are  endowed  with  all  the  qualifi- 
cations for  giving  and  receiving  social  enjoyment,  are 
deterred  from  giving  dinners  by  the  feeling  that  they 
must  adorn  their  tables  with  all  the  extravagant  acces- 
sories of  the  luxurious  dinner  givers,  if  they  attempt  to 
entertain  at  all.  This  feeling  is  foolish.  Some  of  the 
least  expensive  dinners  are  the  most  charming  and 
pleasurable.  Those  who  can  entertain  but  do  not,  de- 
prive both  themselves  and  their  friends  of  much  rational 
enjoyment,  and  society  is  a  great  loser  thereby.  An 
invitation  to  dinner  is  an  evidence  of  good  will,  but  the 
eating  should  promote  instead  of  retarding  social  inter- 


202 


LUNCHEONS,  BEEAKFASTS,  ETC. 


course.  The  hostess  should  write  her  own  invitations, 
and  but  few  things  are  really  necessary  to  a  good  dinner. 
A  clean,  white  table  cloth,  equally  fresh  napkins,  china, 
glass  and  cutlery  that  are  spotless,  a  few  flowers  to  orna- 
ment the  table,  a  comfortable  room,  well  cooked  food 
and  a  light  dessert  served  in  good  taste — these  are  all 
that  are  needed.  Two  wines,  claret  and  champagne,  are 
enough  for  those  who  supply  wine,  and  in  these  days 
many  do  not  offer  them  at  all — they  are  never  necessary 
on  the  tables  of  those  who  object  to  their  use  on  prin- 
ciple. 

Much  tact  is  necessary  in  selecting  the  guests  for  an 
informal  dinner.  As  the  intercourse  is  free  and  social, 
only  agreeable  elements  should  be  brought  together. 
The  important  dishes  are  put  on  the  table,  and  the  hostess 
can  dish  out  the  soup  and  the  host  can  carve.  A  French 
roll  should  be  folded  in  each  napkin.  If  there  is  only 
a  single  maid  servant  to  wait  on  the  guests,  she  should 
be  carefully  trained  beforehand,  so  that  no  awkward 
mistakes  will  be  made.  The  plates  should  be  hot,  as  any 
dinner  is  spoiled  if  hot  meat  is  put  on  a  cold  plate,  and 
the  servant  should  have  a  napkin  around  her  thumb,  as 
even  simple  dinners  are  marred  by  any  lack  of  neatness. 
Before  serving  the  dessert  the  table  should  be  cleared 
of  everything  but  the  fruit  and  flowers,  and  the  crumbs 
brushed  on  to  a  tray  with  a  brush  or  crumb-scraper — 
the  latter  is  the  best,  because  usually  the  neatest.  The 
plates,  knives,  spoons  and  forks,  may  then  be  laid  at 
each  plate  for  dessert.  The  dinner  should  not  last  more 
than  an  hour. 

The  use  of  the  knife,  fork  and  spoon,  and  the  other 
points  of  table  etiquette,  are  the  same  as  those  we  have 
elsewhere  given,  under  the  heads  of  "  The  Knife,  Fork 
and  Spoon,"  "  Table  Manners,"  etc.,  to  which  we  refer 
our  readers. 


THE  FAMILY  TABLE. 


EEFECT  ease  at  the  table  is  only  acquired 
by  constant  practice.  The  rules  of  etiquette 
should  be  strictly  observed  at  home,  and 
then  there  will  be  no  fear  of  appearing  awk- 
ward when  in  society.  At  meal  times,  all 
the  members  of  the  family  should  meet  to- 
gether around  a  common  table,  and  cheerful 
conversation  should  enliven  the  meal.  Even 
in  families  of  moderate  circumstances,  the 
table  should  be  made  as  tasteful  and  attractive  as  possi- 
ble. A  few  flowers  and  spotless  linen  will  be  an  excel- 
lent appetizer,  and  few  families  are  too  poor  to  afford 
these.  Among  the  wealthy  there  has  been  a  marked 
increase  in  the  elegance  of  their  table  appointments  in 
the  last  few  years.  To  greet  those  in  the  room  when 
you  arrive  with  a  "good  morning,"  or  "  good  evening," 
is  a  mark  of  politeness. 

To  wear  gloves  at  any  meal,  breakfast,  luncheon, 
dinner  or  tea,  is  considered  "bad  form,"  and  of  course 
all  understand  that  they  are  never  worn  at  formal  meals. 

BEEAKFAST. 

At  the  breakfast  table,  a  tinted  table-cloth  and  nap- 
kins may  be  used.  The  breakfast  napkins  are  not  quite  as 
large  as  those  used  at  dinner.  Fruit  is  regularly  served 
at  breakfast  in  some  families,  and  there  is  an  old  adage 
that  "  fruit  is  gold  in  the  morning,  silver  at  noon,  and 
lead  at  night."  More  freedom  is  allowed  at  breakfast 
than  at  any  other  meal.    The  morning  paper,  corres- 

(2C3) 


204 


THE  FAMILY  TABLE, 


pondence,  or  books,  may  be  glanced  over,  which  is  not 
allowable  at  other  meals,  and  any  member  of  the  family 
may  leave  the  table,  as  business  or  inclination  dictates, 
without  waiting  for  the  others.  Gentlemen,  however, 
should  never  come  to  the  table  in  their  dressing  gowns. 
They  should  wear  their  morning  suits,  and  the  toilet  of 
the  ladies  should  be  carefully  made.  Any  approach  to 
slovenliness  is  always  vulgar. 

LUNCHEON. 

In  all  our  cities  it  is  becoming  the  custom  to  have  a 
luncheon  in  the  middle  of  the  day,  and  the  dinner  is  re- 
served until  evening,  as  the  gentlemen  of  the  family  are 
away  during  the  day  attending  to  their  business.  A 
tinted  table-cloth  and  napkins  are  allowable  for  lunch, 
the  same  as  for  breakfast,  and  yet  for  any  meal  nothing 
is  more  elegant  than  white  napery.  The  meal  is  usually 
informal,  and  the  children  and  ladies  of  the  family  enjoy 
it  together.  The  food  may  be  all  placed  on  the  table, 
and  those  present  can  help  each  other. 

DINNER. 

For  dinner  a  fresh  snowy-white  table-cloth  should 
always  be  used.  A  heavy  canton  flannel  undercloth 
will  protect  the  table  and  make  the  cloth  lie  smooth. 
Large  napkins  are  used.  In  the  homes  of  the  wealthy 
the  same  napkin  is  never  used  twice  without  being 
washed,  so  that  napkin  rings  are  out  of  style.  Those 
with  large  families  and  in  moderate  circumstances  can- 
not afford  this  prodigality ;  but  napkins  should  be 
changed  often.  When  fresh  napkins  are  provided  for 
every  meal,  they  are  merely  laid  on  the  table  unfolded 
when  through  eating;  otherwise  they  may  be  folded 
and  put  in  the  napkin  rings — if  rings  are  used.  Stran- 


THE  FAMILY  TABLE. 


205 


gers  visiting  in  a  family,  if  uncertain  about  the  rule  of 
the  house,  can  watch  the  hostess  and  imitate  her. 

When  fruit  is  provided,  on  formal  occasions  certainly, 
fruit  napkins  should  be  brought  in  with  the  dessert. 
They  keep  the  white  napkins  from  being  stained,  and 
may  be  brought  in  on  the  dessert  plates,  laid  beside  or 
on  top  of  the  finger-bowl. 

Individual  salt  and  pepper  stands  have  taken  the  place 
of  the  old-fashioned  casters,  which  formerly  stood  in  the 
center  of  the  table.  The  caster  is  out  of  style.  Oil  and 
vinegar  are  put  on  the  table  in  pretty  little  glass  bottles 
or  jugs.  At  very  formal  meals  the  mustard,  oil,  vinegar, 
etc.f  are  not  permitted  on  the  table.  They  are  kept  on 
the  sideboard,  as  they  are  seldom  needed,  the  proper 
seasoning  being  provided  for  each  dish. 

The  old-fashioned  spoon-holder  is  also  going  out  of 
style.  On  tables  polite  it  is  now  rarely  seen.  As  tea- 
spoons are  supplied  like  the  knives  and  forks  at  fashion- 
able tables,  the  spoon-holder  is  not  needed.  ' 

Mats  have  been  banished  from  tables  polite.  This  is 
not  an  unmixed  blessing,  as  the  old  mats  served  as  a 
guide  to  the  servants  in  placing  dishes  on  the  table,  and 
they  also  protected  the  cloth  from  being  soiled.  Fancy 
napkins  made  of  linen  or  crash,  embroidered  or  fringed, 
are  spread  on  the  table  by  many  people,  as  they  are  a 
great  protection  to  the  table-cloth.  Large  napkins  are 
used  for  the  same  purpose  by  some  people.  Of  course 
each  dish  is  wiped  carefully  before  going  to  the  table. 

Individual  butter  plates  should  be  provided  for  each 
person,  as  they  are  much  better  than  to  put  the  butter 
on  the  edge  of  the  dinner  plate  to  run  down  and  mingle 
with  the  food.  A  new  custom  is  to  banish  butter  to  the 
sideboard,  and  pass  it  around  when  sweet  corn,  sweet 
potatoes,  etc.,  are  served. 

Salt  may  be  taken  out  of  the  individual  salt  cellars, 


206 


THE  FAMILY  TABLE. 


now  SO  popular,  on  the  point  of  the  knife,  when  no  salt 
spoon  is  provided,  but  the  salt  should  then  be  changed 
after  each  meal.  For  further  suggestions  on  table  eti- 
quette see  the  article  on  " Table  Manners"  elsewhere, 
discussing  the  subject  at  length. 

It  is  an  old  idea  that  cheerfulness  at  the  table  aids 
digestion,  and  the  utmost  sociability  and  good  feeling 
should  prevail  at  the  family  dinner  table.  Cares  should 
be  laid  aside,  for  the  time  being,  and  all  should  look 
for  ward  to  the  dinner  hour  as  the  pleasant  social  reunion 
of  the  day. 


In  those  families  where  the  principal  meal  or 
"dinner,"  is  served  in  the  middle  of  the  day  (which  is 
the  usual  rule  in  the  country  and  in  small  cities),  the 
etiquette  of  the  tea  or  supper  is  much  like  that  of  lunch- 
eon. The  gentlemen  have  returned  from  business,  and 
cheerful  conversation  and  little  formality  is  the  rule. 
Tinted  napery  is  occasionally  used,  but  many  families  of 
refined  taste  prefer  plain  white. 


TEA  OK  SUPPER. 


TABLE-CLOTHS  AND  NAPKINS. 


HE  napery  of  a  table  is  so  important  a 
matter,  and  does  so  much  to  make  or  mar 
a  meal,  that  it  may  be  well  to  devote  a 
few  words  to  the  subject.  The  fashion  of 
using  napkins  and  table-cloths  is  very  old 
and  widely  spread.  The  Japanese  and 
Chinese  magnates  use  elegantly  embroid- 
ered and  fringed  silk  napkins,  which  by 
some  process  unknown  to  us,  they  wash 
and  restore  to  their  original  beauty.  Elegant  lace- 
worked  napkins,  which  cannot  be  rivaled  to-day,  graced 
the  tables  of  the  early  Italians,  and  Queen  Elizabeth 
had  beautiful  napkins,  made  in  Flanders,  and  edged 
with  lace.  Even  the  most  sumptuous  repast  will  be 
ruined  by  soiled  and  wrinkled  linen,  and  the  plainest 
and  simplest  meal  will  gain  a  certain  attractiveness 
from  a  smooth  and  spotless  table-cloth  and  napkins. 

The  best  of  napery  is  the  cheapest  to  buy,  as  it  will 
outwear  the  cheaper  grades.  Irish  linen,  unadulterated 
with  cotton,  will  last  for  years.  Very  handsome  napkins 
are  made  at  the  South  Kensington  schools  in  England, 
and  by  the  Decorative  Art  Society  in  New  York  ;  and 
those  with  drawm  thread  and  knotted  fringe,  made  at 
Berlin,  are  very  beautiful  ;  but,  for  refined  elegance,  no 
napkins  are  superior  to  the  plain,  very  thick,  fine 
damask. 

For  breakfast  or  tea,  colored  or  tinted  napkins  may 
be  used,  and  they  may  be  smaller  than  those  used  for 
dinner.    On  formal   occasions,  at  which  guests  are 

(207) 


208 


TABLE-CLOTHS  AND  NAPKINS. 


invited,  however,  the  large  white  dinner  napkins  should 
be  used.  This  colored  napery  gives  variety  to  the  table, 
but  it  will  nearly  all  fade  with  repeated  washing,  and  it 
is  no  more  economical  than  the  white. 

For  dinner  the  large  white  napkins  are  used — colored 
ones  never.  It  is  considered  in  bad  taste  to  fold  napkins 
into  any  of  the  fanciful  designs  adopted  at  hotels.  Fold 
them  simply  and  place  one  at  each  plate.  A  piece  of 
bread  is  always  folded  inside  of  the  napkin  at  formal 
dinners,  as  explained  elsewhere.  Damp  napkins  should 
never  be  put  on  the  table,  and  those  stiffly  starched 
are  harrassing  instruments,  unpleasant  for  the  face — 
don't  use  them.  No  taint  or  smell  of  the  laundry  should 
ever  linger  about  the  table  linen.  It  should  be  well 
aired  before  being  used. 

Colored  fruit-napkins,  placed  beside  the  finger-bowls 
on  the  dessert  plates,  are  brought  in  with  the  fruit,  the 
other  napkins  having  been  removed  by  the  waiters  with 
the  dinner  dishes.  These  fruit-napkins  are  taken  from 
the  plate  and  spread  across  the  knee,  or  laid  at  the 
right  hand  ready  for  use  ;  but  the  elegant  little  doylies, 
which  are  brought  at  the  same  time,  may  be  admired 
but  should  not  be  used.    They  are  for  ornament  merely. 

People  who  live  elegantly,  now  change  their  napkins 
at  every  meal,  never  using  the  same  napkin  twice  with- 
out its  being  washed ;  but  those  in  moderate  circum- 
stances will  hardly  adopt  this  custom,  and  yet  their 
napkins  should  be  frequently  changed. 

At  luncheon  the  large  white  dinner  napkins  are  pre- 
ferred by  many,  reserving  the  small  colored  ones  for 
breakfast  and  tea. 

The  napkin  should  not  be  tucked  under  the  chin, 
nor  in  the  vest  pockets.  It  is  laid  across  the  knees 
lightly,  not  spread  over  the  whole  lap  at  formal  meals, 
but  at  the  family  table  that  is  allowable.    It  is  used 


Table-cloths  and  napkins. 


209 


simply  to  wipe  the  hands  and  mouth.  At  fashionable 
entertainments  the  napkins  are  never  folded  at  the  close 
of  the  meal.  On  ordinary  occasions  watch  the  others 
and  follow  their  example. 

At  breakfast  and  tea  colored  table-cloths  may  be 
used,  with  napkins  to  match,  but  at  dinner  only  spotless 
white  is  suitable.  Heavy  and  coarse  linen  may  do  at 
the  ordinary  family  table,  but  at  entertainments  the 
linen  should  be  fine.  The  table-cloth  should  be  well 
ironed,  well  aired  and  starched  very  little,  so  that  it  will 
lie  smoothly  on  the  table  without  humping  up.  A 
heavy  canton  flannel  cloth  underneath  will  be  a  great 
addition  to  its  appearance.  If  the  table-cloth  is  soiled 
during  a  meal  by  any  accident,  like  upsetting  a  plate, 
or  spilling  coffee,  the  dSbris  is  cleared  away  and  a 
clean  napkin  spread  over  the  spot. 

Table  linen  which  is  not  being  used  should  be  care- 
fully folded  and  laid  away  in  a  drawer  or  chest.  A 
sweet-smelling  herb,  like  lavender  or  orris  root,  or  the 
fragrant  heliotrope,  laid  with  it,  will  impart  that  pleasant 
odor  which  so  many  admire,  when  it  is  taken  out  for 
use.  At  least  once  a  year  it  should  be  washed  and  aired 
to  keep  it  from  becoming  yellow  and  mouldy;  and  it  is  a 
most  excellent  idea  to  spread  it  out  on  the  grass  for  a 
good  bleaching  once  a  year.  Residents  of  cities  could 
send  their  linen  to  the  country  for  this  purpose,  and 
they  would  find  that  it  would  keep  much  better  for  the 
trouble. 

AVhen  table  linen  is  stained  with  anything  like  coffee, 
wine  or  fruit,  the  stains  should  be  removed  before 
wetting  it,  as  soapsuds,  washing  fluid,  etc.,  will  fix  many 
stains  past  removal.  A  coffee  or  fruit  stain  may  be 
removed  by  placing  the  part  stained  over  a  bowl  or  pan, 
and  slowly  pouring  a  stream  of  boiling  water  on  the 
spot  until  it  disappears.    A  wine  stain  may  be  removed 


210  TABLE-CLOTHS  AND  NAPKINS. 

by  holding  it  over  the  fumes  of  burning  sulphur,  and 
afterwards  wetting  it  in  warm  chlorine  water.  The 
sooner  the  remedy  is  applied  to  any  of  these  stains  the 
more  effectual  the  restoration.  Table  linen  should  never 
be  boiled  ;  and  to  avoid  this  it  is  best  to  wash  it  on  some 
other  than  the  usual  wash  day.  After  being  well  rubbed 
in  clear  warm  water,  it  should  be  put  into  a  large  dish, 
have  soap  shaved  in  thin  strips  strewn  over  it,  and  then 
covered  with  boiling  water  and  put  away  to  cool.  When 
cool  enough  to  wring  out  with  the  hands,  it  should  be 
rinsed  thoroughly  in  clear  water  and  hung  out  to  dry. 
When  thoroughly  dry  it  should  be  put  into  a  tubful  of 
water,  slightly  blued,  and  with  a  few  lumps  of  starch 
dissolved  in  it,  and  then  wrung  out  again  and  allowed 
to  get  about  two-thirds  dry.  Then  it  should  be  snapped 
w^ell,  folded  straight  and  pressed  with  hot  heavy  irons. 
If  these  directions  are  followed  you  will  be  proud  of 
the  appearance  of  your  table  linen. 


• 


ETIQUETTE  OF  BALLS. 


ALLS  and  dancing  parties  are  now  so  popular 
that  the  etiquette  of  balls  and  the  ball-room 
is  quite  an  important  item  in  the  training  of 
well-bred  young  people.  It  is  no  part  of 
our  purpose  to  discuss  the  ethics  of  dancing. 
It  may  be  said,  however,  that  the  old  puri- 
tanical prejudice  against  this  form  of  amuse- 
ment is  passing  away,  and  in  "society"  that 
prejudice  now  finds  little  countenance.  It 
brings  young  people  together  for  innocent  recreation, 
and  they  enjoy  "  the  poetry  of  motion  "  and  the  brilliance 
and  gayety  of  the  occasion.  The  scruples  of  those  who 
are  conscientiously  opposed  to  this  form  of  amusement 
should  be  respected  by  all,  however,  and  none  but  very 
ill-bred  people  will  ridicule  or  sneer  at  them .  In  giving 
a  ball  the  primary  object  of  the  hostess  should  be  to 
provide  a  pleasant  and  delightful  evening's  entertain- 
ment for  her  guests.  As  one  authority  says,  "The 
requisites  for  an  agreeable  ball  are,  a  well-bred  hostess, 
good  ventilation,  good  music,  a  good  supper,  guests  who 
know  their  duties,  and  not  too  large  a  number  of  them." 

THE  INVITATIONS. 

The  invitations  should  be  sent  out  from  ten  days  to 
three  weeks  in  advance.  In  our  chapter  on  "  Invitations, 
Acceptances  and  Eegrets,  '  we  gave  the  forms  for  invita- 
tions.   Occasionally,  when  a  young  lady  is  introduced 

(211) 


212 


ETIQUETTE  OF  BALLS. 


into  society  by  means  of  a  ball  given  at  some  rented 
hall,  an  engraved  form  similar  to  the  following  is  used  : 


Sometimes  at  such  occasions  the  card  of  the  young 
debutante  is  inclosed  with  the  invitation,  but  not  always. 
If  these  are  sent  as  first  invitations  to  new  acquaintances, 
or  strangers  in  the  city,  the  cards  of  the  host  and  hostess 
are  enclosed  with  the  invitations  sent  to  ladies  and 
gentlemen,  and  the  card  of  the  host  is  enclosed  with 
those  sent  to  gentlemen. 

As  previously  explained,  the  word  "ball"  should 
never  be  used  in  invitations  to  any  private  entertain- 
ment. 

As  many  of  those  invited  always  decline,  the  hostess 
is  safe,  as  a  rule,  in  inviting  one-fourth  more  guests 
than  her  rooms  will  accommodate,  but  it  is  better  to 
give  two  or  three  entertainments  in  order  to  include  all 
her  list,  than  to  over-crowd  her  parlors  and  have  a 
crush  that  will  render  the  guests  uncomfortable.  "  No- 
thing makes  so  many  enemies  as  giving  small  parties  "  is 
a  current  saying.  The  reason  is  that  as  all  are  not  invited , 


ETIQUETTE  OF  BALLS. 


213 


some  of  those  left  out  will  be  offended.  To  avoid 
this,  many  people  who  can  do  so  give  one  large  enter- 
tainment at  the  beginning  of  the  season,  to  which  they 
invite  all  their  acquaintances.  Having  thns  discharged 
their  social  debts  they  give  such  small  parties  as  they 
choose  later  in  the  season. 

Those  who  have  been  invited  may  with  perfect  pro- 
priety solicit  an  invitation  for  a  distinguished  stranger, 
or  for  a  visitor,  or  for  an  unexceptionable  young  man 
who  is  a  good  dancer,  but  invitations  for  a  married 
couple  should  rarely  be  solicited — and  never  if  they 
reside  in  the  same  town.  The  hostess  may  at  any  time 
say  that  her  list  is  full,  and  no  one  should  feel  offended 
at  a  polite  refusal,  as  the  hostess  may  have  more  demands 
than  she  can  meet. 

The  English  custom  of  sending  both  the  invitations 
and  answers  by  mail  is  very  sensible,  and  is  coming 
into  vogue  in  America  also,  although  many  still  adhere 
to  the  old  style  of  sending  both  by  messenger. 

A  verbal  invitation  to  a  large  party  or  ball  is  con- 
sidered discourteous.  From  those  families  who  do  not 
observe  the  social  rule  that  no  more  than  three  from  one 
family  should  accept  invitations  to  the  same  entertain- 
ment^ the  hostess  invites  only  those  Avhom  she  wishes 
to  see.  She  should  be  careful  not  to  omit  any  to  whom 
she  is  under  a  debt  of  obligation  from  having  accepted 
previous  hospitalities  ;  but  otherwise  no  one  should  feel 
hurt  at  not  receiving  an  invitation,  as  it  may  suit  the 
convenience  of  the  hostess  better  to  invite  them  on  some 
other  occasion.  As  to  whom  it  is  proper  to  invite  to  a 
first  ball,  the  tact  of  the  hostess  can  alone  decide. 

An  invitation  should  always  be  answered  at  once  on 
its  receipt.  For  the  proper  form  see  our  chapter  on 
"  Invitations,  Acceptances  and  E egrets."  A  verbal  an- 
swer merely,  should  not  be  given  to  a  formal  invitation. 


ETIQUETTE  OF  BALLS. 


PKEPAEATIONS  FOK  A  BALL. 

The  preparations  for  a  ball  should  be  very  handsome 
and  well  planned.  As  it  is  the  gayest  of  all  social 
occasions  the  rooms  should  be  well  lighted,  and  there 
can  hardly  be  too  great  a  display  of  flowers.  Many 
modern  houses  have  rooms  especially  prepared  for 
dancing,  but  others,  whose  homes  are  not  suitable, 
sometimes  engage  a  public  hall  for  the  occasion.  The 
custom  of  covering  the  carpets  with  crash  has  proved 
very  unsatisfactory,  on  account  of  the  fine  fuzz  which 
the  dancing  throws  out  from  it,  and  it  is  better  to  take 
up  the  carpets  if  the  floor  is  at  all  suitable.  The  music 
sounds  much  better  if  the  walls  are  bare  and  the  room 
nearly  clear  from  furniture  ;  and  yet  the  European 
custom  of  lining  the  walls  of  the  dancing  room  with 
seats,  for  the  chaperons  and  others  who  do  not  dance,  is 
much  better  than  the  American  custom  of  removing  the 
seats,  so  that  many  are  forced  to  stand.  It  is  more 
thoughtful  to  provide  seats  for  all  who  need  or  wish 
them.    A  bail  room  should  always  be  well  ventilated. 

A  carpet  and  awning  to  protect  the  guests  should  be 
stretched  from  the  front  door  to  the  carriage  steps.  A 
servant  stands  on  the  sidewalk  to  open  the  carriage 
doors  and  assist  unattended  ladies  to  alight,  and  another 
servant  stands  at  the  hall  door  to  open  it  as  the  guests 
arrive,  and  direct  them  to  the  different  dressing-rooms 
provided  for  the  gentlemen  and  ladies.  A  maid  should 
be  in  attendance  to  assist  the  ladies  in  making  their 
toilets,  and  toilet  articles  of  all  kinds  will  be  provided 
by  the  thoughtful  hostess,  as  well  as  needles  and  thread, 
with  which  any  rents  or  tears  occurring  during  the  even- 
ing may  be  repaired.  Confusion  may  be  prevented  by 
numbering  each  lady's  wraps,  etc.  A  man-servant 
should  also  be  in  the  gentlemen's  room,  to  take  charge 


ETIQUETTE  OF  BALLS. 


215 


of  their  coats,  hats,  etc.,  and  assist  them  in  any  possible 
way. 

Good  music  is  of  the  first  importance,  and  without 
it  a  dance  will  certainly  be  a  failure,  and  all  chance  of 
enjoyment  by  the  guests  will  be  gone.  For  a  very  small 
party  a  skillful  pianist  is  often  enough  ;  but  the  violin 
and  piano  are  always  the  mainstay  of  dancing  music, 
with  the  addition  of  a  harp,  flageolet  and  horn,  according 
to  the  size  of  the  room.  The  musicians  are  apt  to  be 
in  the  way,  and  a  simple  plan  to  dispose  of  them  is  some- 
times arranged  by  having  a  little  hut  outside  the  window 
in  which  they  sit,  where,  by  taking  out  the  window 
frames,  they  are  heard  distinctly. 

The  programme  is  carefully  arranged  beforehand, 
and  for  large  balls  cards  are  printed,  giving  the  dances 
in  their  order  and  with  blank  lines  in  which  the  engage- 
ments can  be  recorded.  In  Europe  it  is  customary  to 
open  balls  with  a  waltz,  followed  by  quadrilles,  lancers, 
and  so  on,  but  square  dances  should  always  be  inter- 
spersed with  round  dances,  to  give  an  opportunity  for 
those  to  appear  on  the  floor  who  object  to  round  dances, 
of  whom  there  are  some  in  nearly  every  circle. 

THE  ARRIVAL,  AXD  EXTEEIXG  THE  DEAWIXG-ROOM. 

On  arriving,  the  guests  proceed  directly  to  the 
dressing-rooms,  and  arrange  their  toilets. 

It  is  proper  at  balls  and  large  parties  to  give  a  small 
fee  to  the  servants  in  the  dressing-rooms. 

Having  completed  their  toilets,  ladies  join  their 
escorts  and  proceed  to  the  drawing-room.  In  going  up 
or  down  stairs  the  gentleman  Avill  precede  by  three  or 
fouT  steps,  unless  the  lady  takes  his  arm,  which  she 
may  do  or  not  as  she  prefers.  In  accepting  a  gentle- 
man's assistance  a  lady  takes  his  right  arm.  which  leaves 
her  right  hand  free  to  manage  her  train.  A  bouquet  or 


/ 


216  ETIQUETTE  OF  BALLS. 

fan  may  be  carried  in  the  hand  which  rests  on  the 
gentleman's  arm.  In  France  the  rule  is  imperative 
that  a  lady  must  precede  a  gentleman  by  several  steps, 
in  entering  or  leaving  an  apartment,  and  Americans  are 
adopting  the  French  custom.  When  several  ladies 
enter  at  once  the  eldest  takes  precedence,  and  a  mother 
precedes  her  daughter. 

The  first  duty  on  entering  the  drawing-room  is  to 
greet  the  hostess  and  those  receiving  with  her.  This 
should  be  a  simple  exchange  of  kind  enquiries,  when, 
by  passing  on,  the  hostess  is  left  free  to  greet  other 
arrivals,  and  then  the  guests  move  about  and  engage  in 
light  conversation  until  the  dancing  begins.  To  detain 
the  hostess  long  is  bad  form.  Gentlemen  should  then 
find  the  host  and  greet  him  also. 

The  first  duty  of  those  who  arrive  late,  after  the  host- 
ess has  left  her  place,  is  to  hunt  her  up  and  greet  her, 
and  a  gentleman  should  then  find  and  greet  the  host. 
A  stranger,  who  received  his  invitation  through  some 
friend,  will  get  his  friend  to  introduce  him  to  the  host- 
ess, and  also  to  the  host  and  to  the  young  ladies  of  the 
family.  He  will  request  the  pleasure  of  a  dance  with 
them  if  he  is  polite. 

The  fashion  of  arriving  late  at  balls  is,  happily,  going 
out  in  many  of  our  best  social  circles.  It  doubtless 
arose  in  England  among  those  who  attended  several 
dances  the  same  evening,  and  were,  therefore,  necessarily 
late  at  some  of  them ;  but  in  America  it  is  a  pure  affecta- 
tion, and  affectations  are  never  in  the  best  taste. 

KECEIVING  THE  GUESTS. 

A  hostess  may  ask  two  or  three  friends  to  receive 
with  her  and  relieve  her  of  part  of  her  duties.  The 
host  does  not  receive  with  the  hostess,  although  he 
should  remain  within  sight  until  most  of  the  guests 


ETIQUETTE  OF  BALLS. 


217 


have  arrived.  The  sons,  as  well  as  the  daughters  and 
the  host,  should  look  after  the  interests  of  the  guests, 
and  try  and  provide  partners  for  the  ladies,  and  prevent 
any  from  becoming  "wall-flowers."  If  two  or  three 
young  men  are  selected  to  act  as  aids  to  see  that  part- 
ners are  provided  for  those  who  wish  to  dance,  it  often 
adds  to  the  success  of  the  occasion.  The  hostess  now 
usually  greets  her  guests  with  a  sweeping  courtesy, 
instead  of  shaking  hands  with  them. 

THE  SUPPER  AND  REFEESHMENTS. 

Kefreshments  are  usually  served  all  the  evening, 
from  a  buffet  or  side  table  in  a  small  room,  or  some 
convenient  place.  The  table  may  be  elegantly  arranged 
with  flowers,  fruit,  cut  glass,  china  and  silverware,  and 
supplied  with  oysters  cooked  in  any  style  (raic  oysters 
are  not  now  served  at  balls),  boned  turkey  and  chickens, 
partridges,  grouse,  canvas-back  duck,  terrapin,  turtle, 
cold  salmon,  salads  of  all  kinds,  oyster  and  game  patties, 
biscuits,  jellies,  creams,  fruits,  bon-bons  and  ices,  and 
wines.  In  England  the  refreshments  are  served  cold, 
but  in  America  custom  sanctions  serving  them  either 
cold  or  hot.  A  regular  supper  may  be  served  if  the 
hostess  prefers,  and  at  such  time  as  she  directs,  although 
from  twelve  to  one  o'clock  is  the  usual  hour.  When  it 
is  announced,  the  host  leads  the  way  with  the  most  dis- 
tinguished lady  guest,  or  the  one  on  whom  he  wishes 
to  bestow  special  honor,  and  the  other  guests  follow, 
the  hostess  going  last  or  remaining  in  the  ball-room  to 
see  that  all  is  going  well.  Until  every  lady  is  provided 
with  an  escort  no  gentleman  should  enter  the  supper- 
room  alone.  At  such  a  time  a  gentleman  may  offer  his 
arm  to  a  lady  who  is  an  entire  stranger,  if  she  is  without 
an  escort,  the  roof  being  a  sufficient  introduction  for  the 


218 


ETIQUETTE  OF  BALLS. 


time  being.  In  these  days  of  temperance  the  presence 
of  wine,  once  imperative,  is  no  longer  required.  If  wine 
is  provided,  anyone  may  politely  decline  it,  and  no 
offense  should  be  taken,  nor  should  any  one  be  urged 
to  partake,  or  ridiculed  for  refusing.  An  ostentatious 
display  of  conscientiousness,  or  a  failure  to  respect  a 
display  of  principle,  are  equally  ill-bred. 

LEAVE-TAKING. 

If  the  invitation  was  a  first  one,  and  the  hostess 
is  unoccupied,  it  may  be  a  graceful  thing  to  express  the 
pleasure  the  occasion  has  given  you ;  but  the  rule  is 
that  it  is  not  necessary  to  take  formal  leave  of  the 
hostess  at  a  ball.  To  pay  your  respects  on  entering, 
and  be  as  agreeable  as  possible  while  there,  is  all  that 
is  required. 

THE  AFTER-CALL. 

An  after-call  should  be  made  on  the  hostess  as  soon 
after  the  ball  as  possible,  not  later  than  two  weeks  at 
longest.  If  unable  to  call  personally  a  card  should  be 
sent.  Those  unable  to  attend  should  call  the  same  as 
others,  in  acknowledgment  of  the  proffered  courtesy, 
and  express  their  regrets.  If  the  hostess  sends  the 
invitation  with  her  card  for  one  or  more  reception  days, 
it  means  that  the  after-call  may  be  made  then. 

THE  DRESS  FOR  BALLS. 

A  handsome  dress  is  expected  at  a  dinner,  but  a  ball 
demands  it.  The  rule  that  the  hostess  should  not  dress 
so  elegantly  as  to  outshine  her  guests  is  waived  on  this 
occasion,  and  she  shines  resplendent  in  her  richest 
robes  and  most  elegant  jewelry.    White  or  light  deli- 


ETIQUETTE  OF  BALLS.         •  219 


cate  colored  dresses  are  most  suited  for  young  girls, 
and  tliey  should  wear  jewelry  sparingly.  Rich  Yelvets, 
silks  and  jewelry  are  reserved  for  the  chaperons  and 
elderly  ladies.  Young  ladies  should  reserve  their 
elaborate  displays  of  jewelry  until  they  have  been 
several  years  in  society.  The  ladies,  old  and  young, 
may  carry  a  profusion  of  flowers,  to  add  to  the  brilliancy 
of  the  occasion.  Dehidanies  should  understand  that 
the  best  form  requires  them  to  dress  youthfully,  which 
many  of  them  seem  loth  to  do.  If  they  have  a  number 
of  bouquets  they  may  be  suspended  from  the  arm  by 
different  ribbons.  Some  young  girls  prefer  ball  dresses 
made  of  some  silken  material,  as  they  are  more  durable. 
Deep  flounces,  aprons  of  point  lace,  etc  ,  are  not  suitable 
for  very  young  girls.  Elderly  or  married  ladies  may 
wear  rich  laces. 

Gentlemen  wear  the  full  evening  dress.  The  vest  is 
low  and  the  shirt  front  immaculate.  White  or  very 
light  tinted  ties  are  worn,  and  white  or  very  light  tinted 
gloves.  Of  course  light  shoes  are  worn,  or  carried,  and 
put  on  in  the  dressing-room. 

THE  DUTIES  OF  AN  ESCORT. 

A  gentleman  who  is  to  escort  a  lady  to  a  ball  may 
send  her  a  bouquet  during  the  day,  if  he  desires,  and  it 
is  always  well  to  do  so.  On  the  evening  of  the  party  he 
must  call  promptly  and  escort  her  to  the  entertainment, 
assist  her  to  alight  fi'om  the  carriage,  instead  of  allowing 
the  servant  to  do  so,  and  go  with  her  to  the  dressing-room. 
TVhen  she  is  ready  he  must  join  her  there  again,  escort 
her  to  the  reception-room,  go  with  her  as  she  greets 
the  hostess,  and  claim  the  first  dance  with  her.  He 
should  see  that  she  is  provided  with  partners  during 
the  evening,  look  after  her  enjoyment  of  the  occasion, 


220  •  ETIQUETTE  OF  BALLS. 


and  escort  her  home  at  any  time  she  desires  to  go.  On 
reaching  her  home,  if  she  invites  him  in  he  should 
decline.  Within  two  days  he  is  expected  to  call  on  her. 
When  escorting  a  lady  home  from  any  entertainment, 
the  gentleman  should  always  ring  the  bell  for  her  and 
see  her  enter  the  house.  To  leave  her  at  the  foot  of 
the  steps,  to  get  in  as  best  she  can,  is  rude  and  ungentle- 
manly.  ^ 

HINTS  TO  GENTLEMEN. 

Having  greeted  the  hostess  on  entering  the  ball- 
room, a  gentleman  should  at  once  find  the  host  and 
present  himself.  If  there  are  any  members  of  the 
family  with  whom  he  is  unacquainted,  he  should  obtain 
an  introduction.  To  go  to  a  ball  and  leave  it  without 
seeking  out  and  greeting  the  host,  is  very  ill-bred. 

Young  gentlemen  should  pay  their  first  attentions 
to  the  young  ladies  of  the  family,  and  ask  them  for  the 
first  dances.  If  they  are  well  acquainted  with  any  other 
young  ladies  present,  they  should  not  fail  to  solicit  at 
least  one  dance  during  the  evening  from  them. 

A  ball-room  introduction  to  a  gentleman  presumes 
that  he  will  show  the  lady  some  attention,  and  either 
dance  or  walk  with  her,  or  talk  to  her  through  one 
dance  if  they  do  not  take  the  floor. 

A  gentleman  who  goes  to  a  ball  without  having  ' 
previously  selected  a  partner,  should  go  to  the  hostess 
and  ask  to  be  presented  to  ladies  with  whom  he  can 
dance. 

Young  gentlemen  should  endeavor  to  render  any 
services  in  their  power  to  the  ladies  present,  such  as 
ordering  their  carriages,  or  escorting  them  to  a  seat  or 
the  dressing-room  in  case  of  an  accident,  or  any  of  the 
little  attentions  a  gentleman  can  pay  a  lady.  No  intro- 
duction is  needed  for  such  services.  It  will  often  aid 
the  hostess  to  ask  her  to  introduce  them  to  any  ladies 


ETIQUETTE  OF  BALLS. 


who  may  be  without  partners,  or  say  to  her,  "  I  shall 
be  most  happy  to  serve  you.  Call  on  me  for  anything  I 
can  do." 

In  America,  if  a  gentleman  wishes  to  dance  with  a 
lady  with  whom  he  is  unacquainted,  he  should  get  some 
mutual  acquaintance  to  ask  her  if  she  will  accept  an 
introduction  to  him.  She  may  assent  or  decline .  If 
she  assents,  they  are  introduced,  and  he  asks  for  the 
pleasure  of  a  dance.  It  is  not  allowable  to  ask  her  for 
a  dance  without  first  being  introduced.  In  Europe  a 
gentleman  may  ask  any  lady  in  the  room  for  a  dance, 
"the  roof  being  an  introduction."  Unless  previously 
engaged,  she  nearly  always  accepts,  but  the  acquaintance 
ends  with  the  occasion. 

If  a  gentleman  cannot  get  the  partner  he  wants  he 
should  not  selfishly  decline  to  dance  at  all,  and  so  neg- 
lect the  other  ladies.  It  is  much  better  to  take  some  lady, 
even  if  she  is  not  his  first  choice . 

A  gentleman  should  secure  his  partner  for  a  dance 
before  the  music  strikes  up.  No  special  form  of  invita- 
tion is  necessary.  "  Shall  I  have  the  pleasure  of  the  next 
waltz  ?"  Or,  "  Will  you  grant  me  the  pleasure  of  a 
dance  ?"  or  something  of  that  kind  will  do.  Never  ask, 
Are  you  engaged  for  the  next  quadrille  ?"  This  may 
force  the  lady  to  confess  that  she  has  had  no  invitation, 
and  is  prompted  by  a  selfish  desire  to  avoid  a  refusal. 

When  asking  a  lady  for  a  dance,  a  gentleman  should 
always  bow  ;  and  at  the  conclusion  of  the  dance  both 
parties  should  bow  and  say,  "  Thank  you." 

White  gloves,  or  those  of  a  very  light  tint,  should 
always  be  worn  at  a  ball,  and  an  extra  pair,  to  use  in 
case  of  accident,  will  be  carried  by  the  thoughtful. 

Loud  talking  or  boisterous  laughter,  or  anything  to 
make  one  conspicuous,  is  ill-bred ;  and  any  display  of 
anger  or  ill-temper  is  unpardonable. 


222 


ETIQUETTE  OF  BALLS. 


As  it  will  often  soil  a  delicately  tinted  dress  for  a 
gentleman  to  press  his  hand,  if  at  all  moist,  against  it 
while  waltzing,  he  should  hold  a  handkerchief  in  his 
hand  to  shield  the  dress. 

To  hold  a  lady's  hand  on  the  hip,  when  dancing  a 
round  dance,  or  behind  the  back,  or  to  hold  it  out  sway- 
ing in  the  air,  is  awkward  and  ill-bred. 

After  dancing  with  a  lady,  a  gentleman  may  walk 
once  around  the  room  with  her  and  then  escort  her  to 
her  chaperon,  or  leave  her  with  some  friend  and  plead 
another  engagement.  He  is  under  no  obligation  to 
stay  longer.  In  European  society  a  young  lady  must 
be  escorted  directly  to  her  chaperon  at  the  close  of  the 
dance,  without  any  strolling  about  the  room. 

Gentlemen  should  not  smoke  in  their  dressing-room 
— it  is  ill-bred.  If  a  smoking-room  is  not  provided  by 
the  host  (which  is  usually  done)  they  should  forego  the 
pleasure  until  after  they  have  escorted  their  ladies  home. 

To  over- eat  at  the  table,  or  to  indulge  in  too  much 
wine  and  become  boisterous  and  rowdyish,  may  have 
been  tolerated  in  past  and  coarser  generations,  but  it  is 
unpardonable  now. 

Gentlemen  should  be  careful  not  to  tread  on  a  lady's 
dress.  Should  they  inadvertently  do  so,  an  apology 
should  at  once  be  made,  and  the  lady  escorted  to  the 
dressing-room  to  repair  the  damage. 

When  supper  is  announced,  a  gentleman  should  offer 
to  escort  the  lady  with  whom  he  chances  to  be  at  the 
time,  or  the  last  one  with  whom  he  danced.  If  the  lady 
is  accompanied  by  a  chaperon  he  escorts  her  also.  If 
the  one  he  escorted  to  the  ball  is  unattended,  he  escorts 
her.  To  leave  the  lady  he  escorted  to  supper,  without 
returning  to  the  ball-room  with  her,  would  be  very 
rude. 

Engagements  for  dances  should  be  scrupulously 


ETIQUETTE  OF  BALLS. 


223 


kept.  If  forgotten,  a  prompt  apology  is  required,  bat 
even  an  apology  is  awkward  in  such  cases.  If  the  lady 
forgets  an  engagement,  her  apology  should  be  readily 
accepted. 

It  is  not  customary  for  married  people  to  dance 
together  in  society,  but  there  is  no  good  reason  why 
they  should  not  do  so  if  they  choose.  A  gentleman 
should  not,  however,  confine  his  attentions  to  his  wife 
to  the  exclusion  of  others.  He  can  entertain  his  wife  at 
home — in  society  he  should  be  attentive  to  others  also. 

Those  who  can  dance  and  will  not,  are  out  of  place 
at  a  ball. 

Do  not  confine  your  attentions  to  one  lady,  but  cir- 
culate freely  and  be  polite  to  all.  As  a  rule  do  not  ask 
more  than  two  dances  from  one  lady  the  same 
evening. 

If  a  lady  shows  symptoms  of  weariness  at  any  time, 
stop  at  once  and  offer  to  escort  her  to  a  seat.  No  offense 
should  be  taken  if  a  lady  manifests  a  desire  to  stop  at 
any  time.  If  when  escorted  to  a  seat  she  releases  the 
gentleman  to  find  another  partner,  he  should  not  accept 
the  release. 

No  gentleman  will  encircle  the  waist  of  his  partner 
for  a  waltz  until  the  music  begins,  and  as  soon  as  it 
stops  he  drops  his  arm.  He  should  never  appear  to 
embrace  the  lady,  although  he  should  hold  her  lightly 
and  firmly. 

A  ball-room  introduction,  given  merely  for  the  pur- 
pose of  dancing,  does  not  entitle  the  gentleman  to 
further  recognition  unless  the  lady  desires  it.  On 
meeting  again  he  should  wait  for  her  to  bow  before 
venturing  to  speak  to  her.  This  is  not  the  rule  on  the 
continent, but  it  is  the  one  generally  accepted  in  England 
and  America,  although  some  authorities  insist  that  such 
introductions  constitute  an  acquaintance. 


224 


ETIQUETTE  OF  BxiLLS. 


While  one  dance  is  in  progress  do  not  make  arrange- 
ments for  another. 

HINTS  TO  LADIES. 

If  you  decline  an  invitation  for  a  dance,  do  not  after- 
wards accept  an  invitation  for  the  same  dance  from 
another  gentleman.  It  displays  a  want  of  regard  for 
the  first  gentleman  which  can  hardly  escape  notice,  and 
is  an  unlady-like  rudeness. 

On  no  account  forget  a  ball-room  engagement. 
Promptly  apologize  if  such  a  thing  inadvertently  occurs, 

A  lady  should  not  give  her  fan,  bouquet  or  gloves  to 
a  gentleman  (unlessJie  is  her  husband,  brother  or  escort), 
to  hold  during  a  dance. 

It  is  not  proper  for  young  ladies  to  ask  gentlemen 
to  dance  with  them. 

Young  ladies  should  not  join  in  every  dance.  This 
is  especially  true  of  the  daughters  of  the  hostess.  They 
should  look  after  the  enjoyment  of  the  guests,  and  give 
them  opportunities  to  appear  on  the  floor.  A  chaperon 
should  not  dance  while  her  young  pr^oUg^e  is  without 
a  partner. 

An  amiable  young  lady  who  cheerfully  accepts  such 
attentions  as  are  tendered  her,  without  showing  vexation 
when  not  invited  out  for  every  dance,  is  much  less  likely 
to  be  a  "  wall-flower  "  than  one  who  allows  her  mortifi- 
cation at  what  she  considers  a  want  of  attention  to  ruffle 
her  temper. 

When  a  ball  is  given  for  a  young  lady  at  the  begin- 
ning of  the  season,  her  chances  of  obtaining  partners 
afterward  are  much  improved. 

A  lady  should  not  decline  an  introduction  to  a  gen- 
tleman without  good  reason,  although  it  is  her  privilege 
to  decline  at  any  time,  without  being  questioned  as  to 
her  motives. 


ETIQUETTE  OF  BALLS. 


225 


We  have  elsewhere  discussed  the  matter  of  chaper- 
onage,  but  most  mothers  prefer  to  accompany  then- 
daughters  to  all  except  balls  at  private  houses.  Some 
insist  that  if  the  mother  cannot  go,  the  father  should  go 
in  her  place.  The  chaperons  stay  as  long  as  their 
charges  do.  Married  ladies  go  with  other  married  ladies 
when  not  accompanied  by  their  husbands. 

It  is  fair  to  presume  that  the  guests  invited  are  peo- 
ple of  respectability,  so  that  a  cold  and  indifferent  man- 
ner, and  a  disposition  to  repel  civilities,  is  an  evidence 
of  ignorance  of  the  customs  of  society,-  rather  than  of 
superior  breeding.  When  the  eye  of  an  acquaintance 
is  caught  the  recognition  should  be  instantaneous. 

Ladies  do  not  walk  across  a  ball-room  unattended, 
nor  do  they  criticise  or  ridicule  any  peculiarities  of 
the  others  in  attendance.  To  boast  of  one's  popularity, 
or  to  raise  the  voice  in  loud  conversation  or  laughter,  is 
very  ill-bred. 

No  one  now  takes  steps  in  a  quadrille.  They  glide 
through  it  with  an  easy  motion.  To  courtesy  gracefully 
is  an  art  every  lady  should  acquire,  but  it  can  be  best 
learned  from  a  master.  Dancii]g  is  now  so  universal 
that  a  lady  can  hardly  go  in  society  much  without  acquir- 
ing the  art. 

THE  VARIOUS  DANCES. 

We  cannot  discuss  the  various  dances  at  length  in  a 
work  like  this.  The  german,  now  so  popular,  was  first 
danced  after  the  battle  of  Waterloo,  at  the  German 
court.  In  this  cotillon  no  lady  can  refuse  to  dance  with 
any  gentleman  present,  so  that  it  is  only  suitable  for 
private  parties,  and  is  not  adapted  to  public  balls.  Invi- 
tations to  this  fashionable  dance  are  issued  the  same  in 
form  as  those  wo  gave  for  other  dances.  A  good  leader 
is  indispensable,  as  on  his  skill  and  familiarity  with  the 
figures  the  success  of  the  evening  depends.    It  is  usual 


226 


ETIQUETTE  OF  BALLS. 


to  devote  the  early  part  of  the  evening  to  other  dances, 
and  close  with  the  german.  Select  circles  are  some- 
times formed  to  practice  this  dance,  and  then  cards  may 
be  printed,  which  all  the  members  can  use,  with  blank 
spaces  to  be  filled  in  with  the  date  and  the  name  of  the 
lady  at  whose  house  they  meet.  The  invitations  are 
issued  in  the  name  of  the  young  lady's  mother.  Each 
member  may  in  turn  entertain  the  club,  and  in  this  way 
the  new  figures  can  be  learned. 

It  is  entirely  proper  for  a  lady  to  take  out  a  gentle- 
man with  whom  she  is  unacquainted,  in  the  german, 
because  she  must  take  out  some  one,  and  it  is  not  best 
to  repeatedly  call  on  her  friends,  which  she  must  do  if 
she  has  but  few  acquaintances  present.  A  gentleman 
may  very  properly  seek  an  introduction  to  a  lady  with 
whom  he  thus  danced. 

Most  good  waltzers  who  are  quick-witted  and  observ- 
ant may  safely  try  the  german,  but  those  not  familiar 
with  the  figures  should  take  their  places  near  the  foot. 
No  one  not  thoroughly  familiar  with  the  dance  should 
attempt  to  lead,  as  it  may  involve  a  mortifying  denoue- 
ment. 

The  polka  is  a  dance  of  Hungarian  or  Polish  origin, 
which  was  introduced  into  western  Europe  as  a  fashion- 
able dance  about  1841.  It  has  been  quite  fashionable 
of  late.  The  music  is  very  pretty.  The  step  is  spirited 
and  is  described  by  dancing  masters  as  "  a  hop,  three 
glides  and  a  rest."  The  steps  are  modified  to  different 
times,  to  produce  the  polka  redowa  and  the  polka  ma- 
zourka. 

The  quadrille  is  a  dance  of  French  origin.  The 
name  doubtless  arose  from  its  being  danced  in  sets  of 
four  couples.  Many  people  who  object  to  waltzing  on 
principle,  enjoy  the  quadrille,  although  at  present  the 
tendency  is  to  introduce  waltzing  into  the  quadrille 


ETIQUETTE  OF  BALLS. 


227 


more  and  more.  A  fund  of  small  talk  is  quite  a  neces- 
sity in  tliis  dance.  Those  ignorant  of  the  figures  should 
learn  them  from  a  dancing-master,  but  all  ages  and  con- 
ditions can  join  in  this  sociable  and  stately  amusement. 

The  waltz  is  a  German  dance  which  is  said  to  have 
originally  come  from  Bohemia.  In  the  early  part  of 
this  century  it  first  became  fashionable  in  other  coun- 
tries. A  modification  of  the  original  waltz,  called  the 
valse  a  deux  temps,  is  the  one  now  usualbv'  adopted. 
It  is  very  graceful,  and  is  undoubtedly  the  most  popular 
of  dances.  The  waltz  has  excited  much  opposition  in 
some  quarters,  and  its  morality  has  been  seriously  ques- 
tioned, but  the  prejudice  against  it  seems  to  be  modify- 
ing of  late.  No  one  should  continue  to  dance  when 
dizziness  occurs,  as  that  is  often  a  sign  of  heart  affection. 
It  is  said  the  Russians  will  go  through  a  waltz  so  quietly 
that  they  can  carry  a  glass  of  champagne  full  to  the 
brim,  around  the  room  without  spilling  a  drop.  There 
are,  however,  probably  no  better  waltzers  in  the  world 
than  the  young  Americans.  To  waltz  well  requires  nat- 
ural grace,  a  good  ear  for  music,  and  long  practice. 

The  minuet  was  first  danced  in  Paris,  in  1653,  by 
Louis  Xiy.  In  1710  it  was  first  introduced  into  Eng- 
land, by  Marcel.  It  was  revived  in  1845,  by  Queen 
Victoria,  after  a  long  period  during  which  it  was  little 
practiced.  It  is  not  at  present  as  popular  as  many  of 
the  other  dances. 

We  cannot  discuss  the  matter  further  here,  but 
dancing  is  almost  as  old  as  the  world,  it  is  said.  The 
oldest  records  of  the  race,  sacred  and  profane,  allude  to 
it»  In  most  ancient  nations  it  was  part  of  their  religious 
rites.  The  primitive  Christians  certainly  danced  at 
their  religious  meetings.  Aristotle  ranked  dancing 
with  poetry,  and  Socrates  took  pains  to  learn  the  art. 
The  Spartans  passed  a  law  requiring  parents  to  train 


228  ETIQUETTE  OF  BALLS. 

their  children  in  dancing  after  the  age  of  five  years. 
The  modern  dances  practiced  for  amusement  are,  how- 
ever, much  quieter  and  less  exciting  than  the  old  dances 
associated  with  religion  and  war. 


PARTIES,  RECEPTIONS  AND 
OTHER  GATHERINGS. 


YNICS  may  rail  at  the  weaknesses  and  foi- 
bles of  society,  and  proclaim  that  ''vanity 
of  vanities,  all  is  vanity  !  "  but  all  society 
worthy  of  the  name  is  at  heart  an  exchange 
of  civilities,  and  is  designed  to  give  pleas- 
ure and  culture  to  those  who  participate  in 
it.  We  see  the  first  rude  attempts  at  hos- 
pitality in  the  savage  tribes,  and  at  the 
very  dawn  of  human  history  the  duty  of 
*'  entertaining  strangers "  was  recognized 
and  enjoined  by  the  wise  and  good.  The  mere  display 
of  fashion  and  finery  is  a  small  part  of  the  parties  and 
balls,  receptions,  kettledrums,  afternoon  teas,  lawn-ten- 
nis and  garden  parties,  christenings,  anniversaries  and 
so  on,  which  make  up  the  great  round  of  entertainments. 
Over  and  above  all  this,  society  brings  together  the  wise 
and  the  ignorant,  it  draws  out  the  silent  and  the  shy,  it 
arouses  the  dull  mind  and  gives  stimulus  to  the  active 
intellect.  It  is  both  a  moral  and  an  intellectual  force. 
By  it  prejudices  are  dispelled,  arrogance  is  rebuked,  and 
vulgar  pretense  is  humbled.  Its  weaknesses  are  those 
of  human  nature,  but  it  is  a  great  school  for  developing 
and  polishing  its  members. 

EVENING  PARTIES. 

One  writer  has  very  cleverly  defined  the  difference 
between  the  evening  party  and  the  ball  by  saying  that 
at  the  party  there  may  or  may  not  be  dancing,  but  at 
the  ball  there  must  be. 

(229) 


230    PARTIES,  RECEPTIONS  ANr  OTHER  GATHERINGS. 

The  invUations  for  these  elaborate  and  formal  afPairs 
should  be  sent  out  ten  days  or  two  weeks  in  advance. 
They  are  issued  in  the  name  of  the  hostess  alone. 
Names  and  addresses  on  invitations  must  not  be  abbre- 
viated, except  by  using  the  initials  in  the  names.  Fig- 
ures may  be  used  in  the  address  always,  and  in  the  date 
also,  if  more  convenient.  To  include  two  or  more  friends 
or  all  the  members  of  a  family  in  one  invitation,  using 
one  card,  displays  ignorance  of  the  proper  form,  but  a 
husband  and  wife  should  be  invited  together,  addressing 
the  envelope  to  "Mr.  and  Mrs.  John  W.  Greely;"  and 
if  there  are  several  daughters,  they  may  be  included  in 
one  invitation  as  The  Misses  Greely."  But  each  son, 
if  there  are  more  than  one,  sometimes  receives  a  separate 
invitation.  To  invite  "Mrs.  Brown  and  Family,"  or 
Messrs.  Hodge  and  Grinnell,"  would  be  in  bad  form. 
To  invite  the  husband  to  an  entertainment  where  there 
were  any  ladies,  without  including  the  wife  also,  would 
be  a  direct  insult.  The  invitations  may  now  be  sent  by 
post.  For  forms  of  invitations  see  our  chapter  on 
"Invitations,  Acceptances  and  Kegrets." 

A  hostess  is  under  no  obligation  to  invite  any 
except  those  to  whom  she  is  indebted  for  previous  hos- 
pitalities. When  omitted,  such  persons  may  feel  "cut," 
but  no  one  else  has  any  right  to  complain.  The  hostess 
consults  her  own  convenience,  and  invites  some  of  her 
friends  at  one  time  and  some  at  another.  If  a  family  is 
large,  she  may  invite  some  of  its  members  and  not 
others,  and  those  omitted  should  presume  there  is  some 
good  reason  and  "think  no  evil."  And  yet  a  woman 
with  tact  will  try  and  manage  so  as  to  give  no  needless 
cause  for  offense. 

The  rule  that  an  invitation  of  this  kind  should  be 
answered  at  once,  and  either  accepted  or  declined,  is 
imperative.    A  prompt  answer  is  not  a  sign  of  over 


PARTIES,  RECEPTIONS  AND  OTHER  GATHERINGS.  231 

eagerness  to  accept  the  proffered  civility — it  is  nothing 
but  a  proper  acknowledgment  of  the  courtesy,  and  it  is 
due  to  the  hostess,  so  that  she  may  know  whom  to  expect. 
A  first  invitation  should  always  be  accepted  if  it  is  pos- 
sible to  attend.  In  declining,  to  use  any  short  and  in- 
definite form,  as  to  "regret  that  they  cannot  accept,"  or 
to  send  "  compliments  and  regrets  for  December  tenth," 
is  to  return  a  proffered  courtesy  with  rudeness  and 
incivility.  It  is  always  better  to  give  the  exact  reason, 
as  "the  sickness  of  a  daughter"  or  "intended  absence 
from  the  city,"  or  whatever  it  may  be.  As  we  have 
elsewhere  stated,  it  is  a  rule  in  society  that  no  more 
than  three  members  of  one  family  should  accept  an 
invitation  to  the  same  entertainment. 

Dressing  for  a  Party. — The  dressing  may  be  very 
elegant,  and  the  full  evening  dress  is  worn  by  both 
ladies  and  gentlemen.    See  our  article  on  dress. 

Entertaining  the  Guests. — The  guests  are  enter- 
tained usually,  before  supper,  with  conversation,  cards, 
music,  etc.  After  supper  the  dancing  begins  (when 
there  is  dancing),  and  those  who  do  not  dance  are  pro- 
vided with  opportunities  for  conversation,  games,  and 
so  on,  in  other  rooms. 

Time  of  Departure  of  Guests. — In  this  busy  country, 
where  the  gay  cavaliers  of  the  evening  will  be  actively 
engaged  in  business  the  next  day,  earlier  hours  should 
be  kept  than  among  the  leisured  classes  of  Europe, 
who  have  no  other  business  than  social  enjoyment,  and 
the  guests  should  all  depart  by  one  o'clock. 

Receiving  the  Guests,  etc.  ■ —  The  provisions  for 
receiving  the  guests,  the  arrangement  of  the  dressing- 
rooms,  etc.,  and  the  duties  of  the  hostess  in  receiving 
her  guests,  and  of  the  guests  in  greeting  the  hostess, 
are  the  same  for  the  large  party  as  for  a  ball  (which  see), 
and  the  arrangements  for  the  supper  are  also  the  same. 


282    PABTIES,  RECEPTIONS  AND  OTHER  GATHERINGS 

The  After-Call' — An  after-call  is  required  the  same 
as  after  a  dinner  party,  and  is  as  necessary  for  those 
who  decline  as  for  those  who  accept  an  invitation. 

AFTERNOON   TEAS,  MORNING   OR    AFTERNOON  RECEPTIONS 
AND  KETTLEDRUMS. 

The  distinction  between  afternoon  teas,  kettledrums 
and  receptions  are  not  very  clearly  drawn,  and  the  names 
are  used  inter-changeably.  Stricly  speaking,  the  after- 
noon reception,  or  the  "at  home,"  or  the  "morning 
reception,"  as  it  is  usually  called,  although  it  is  held  in 
the  afternoon,  is  the  most  formal  of  these  gatherings, 
and  the  kettledrum  is  next,  while  the  afternoon  tea  or 
the  "five-o'clock,"  is  the  least  ceremonious  of  these 
occasions.  The  origin  of  the  term  "  kettledrum "  is 
uncertain,  some  ascribing  it  to  the  entertainments  given 
by  the  wives  of  army  officers,  who  used  a  drum  for  an 
impromptu  tea  table  ;  and  others  to  the  fact  that  an  old 
fashioned  entertainment  was  called  a  "  drum,"  and  the 
tea  suggested  the  "kettle,"  and  so  the  name  of  "kettle- 
drum" arose.  Be  that  as  it  may,  however,  the  term 
"  kettledrum"  is  not  often  used  in  invitations  now.  These 
afternoon  entertainments  appear  to  have  been  intro- 
duced into  England  a  few  years  ago,  by  the  Princess  of 
Wales,  and  to  have  been  thence  imported  to  America. 
They  have  been  very  fashionable,  and  well  deserved 
their  popularity.  The  original  idea  was  that  of  an  inex- 
pensive and  informal  affair,  where  acquaintances  could 
meet  for  friendly  intercourse.  The  term  "  kettledrum," 
by  the  way,  is  not  used  in  English  society,  but  a  drum 
is  a  sort  of  polite  slang  for  a  reception. 

The  term  kaffee-klatsch''  (coffee-drinking)  has 
been  lately  adopted  by  a  few  seekers  after  novelty,  but 
its  use  is  not  likely  to  become  general.  The  English 
also  have  an  entertainment  which  they  call  "high-tea." 


PARTIES,  EECEPTIONS  AND  OTHER  GATHERINGS.  233 

Occasionally  this  term  is  applied  to  a  "  kettledrum  "  by 
a  thoughtless  American  lady,  but  this  is  a  mistake,  as 
the  high-tea  proper  is  a  very  different  affair. 

The  invitations  may  be  issued  on  the  lady's  visiting 
card,  thus: 


It  is  not  good  form  to  add  the  years  or  the  letters 
p.  M.    Those,  of  course,  are  inferred. 

When  the  cards  are  wi'itten,  figures  may  be  used  for 
the  date  and  hour;  if  they  are  engraved,  the  present  style 
is  to  have  them  as  above.  The  invitations  may  be  sent 
by  post,  and  unless  the  initials  "E.  S.  Y.  P.''  are  added, 
no  answer  is  required.  The  hours  for  these  entertain- 
ments are  from  four  o'clock  until  seven — no  one  staying 
later  than  seven. 

At  the  afternoon  reception  the  hostess  may  wear  a 
handsome  demi-toilet  cut  low  in  the  throat  if  she  wishes, 
and  made  of  satin,  silk  or  velvet;  but  she  should  not 
wear  the  full  evening  di'ess,  nor  her  expensive  jewehy 
or  laces.  She  may  have  two  or  three  friends  to  receive 
with  her.  The  guests  wear  handsome  reception  dresses, 
or  the  tailor-made  street  costumes  now  so  popular  (much 
freedom  of  choice  being  allowed),  and  they  are  expected 


Friday^  December  thirds 
Four  to  Seven. 


23 i    PARTIES,  RECEPTIONS  AND  OTHER  GAPHERINGS. 

to  keep  their  bonnets  and  gloves  on.  The  tea-gowns 
which  are  worn  on  the  Continent  are  not  in  keeping 
with  the  American  idea  that  flowing  robes  should  not 
be  worn  out  of  one's  dressing-room.  The  tight-fitting, 
high,  plain  dress  is  much  more  appropriate. 

The  gentlemen  wear  the  morning  dress  on  all  these 
occasions.  Overcoats  and  umbrellas  should  be  left  in 
the  hall  or  dressing-room,  when  one  is  provided,  but 
hats  may  be  carried  into  the  drawing-room. 

Visitors  do  not  usually  stay  more  than  half  an  hour 
at  these  receptions,  although  when  they  are  especially 
interested  they  often  stay  an  hour  or  more .  They  circu- 
late freely,  talk  with  each  other,  or  listen  to  music  or 
whatever  is  provided  for  their  entertainment. 

The  refreshments  are  light,  as  the  guests  usually 
care  more  for  the  social  intercourse  than  for  anything 
else.  Tea,  coffee,  chocolate  or  bouillon,  with  ices,  cakes, 
fruits  and  sandwiches,  which  may  be  served  by  mem- 
bers of  the  family,  or  servants  from  a  side  table  often, 
are  all  that  is  provided  as  a  rule,  although  occasionally 
a  table  is  set  with  a  more  bountiful  supply,  and  renewed 
from  time  to  time. 

Each  visitor  leaves  a  card  to  serve  for  the  after-call, 
so  that  no  additional  call  is  needed.  Those  who  were 
invited  but  were  not  able  to  attend,  call  and  pay  their 
respects  within  a  few  days. 

The  terms  "  morning  reception  "  or  "  morning  party," 
our  readers  of  course  understand,  are  applied  to  those 
entertainments  given  in  the  afternoon,  or  in  the  daytime, 
in  contra-distinction  probably  to  the  "  evening  party," 
which,  as  its  name  implies,  is  always  given  in  the  even- 
ing. For  general  suggestions  about  various  forms  of 
invitations,  see  our  chapter  on  "  Invitations,  Acceptances 
and  Eegrets." 

Morning  receptions  are  given  for  an  honored  guest 


PARTIES,  RECEPTIONS  AND  OTHER  GATHERINGS.  235 

sometimes,  and  the  invitations  are  issued  in  the  follow- 
ing form  : 


We  prefer  writing  the  name  of  the  honored  guest 
above  that  of  the  hostess,  as  given  in  the  above  form, 
rather  than  after  the  address  as  is  sometimes  done. 

The  etiquette  of  these  occasions  is  similar  to  that  of 
other  morning  receptions,  except  that  each  caller  is,  of 
course,  introduced  to  the  guest. 

Morning  parties  or  ^'  afternoon  teas  "  are  often  given 
in  the  country  and  small  country  towns  with  less  form- 
ality than  is  observed  in  the  large  cities.  Music  and 
amusements  maybe  provided,  and  the  hostess  introduces 
those  guests  who  are  unacquainted,  or  who  are  likely, 
from  similarity  of  tastes,  to  be  entertaining  to  each 
other. 

A  HIGH  TEA. 

A  "  high  tea,'''  as  it  is  called  in  England,  is  like  the 
old  New  England  tea  party,  with  the  addition  of  some 


286    PARTIES,  RECEPTIONS  AND  OTHER  GATHERINGS. 

cold  dishes.  The  lady  may  sit  at  one  end  of  the  table, 
with  the  tea-tray  before  her,  and  the  gentleman  at  the 
other,  with  a  cold  chicken  or  some  similar  dish  to  carve. 
It  gives  a  solid  meal  to  those  who  are  accustomed  to 
dine  at  that  hour,  as  salads  are  usually  passed,  and 
occasionally  scalloped  oysters,  together  with  hot  bis- 
cuits, cakes,  etc  This  meal  is  frequently  served  on 
Sunday  evening  to  relieve  the  servants  ;  but,  while  it 
is  easier  for  the  cook,  it  does  not  relieve  the  others,  as 
there  are  quite  as  many  dishes  to  wash,  and  as  much 
service  is  needed. 

INFORMAL  ENTERTAINMENTS. 

These  are  at  present  often  a  snare  to  the  uninitiated. 
The  word  has  become  fashionable,  and  is  frequently 
added  to  invitations  to  "At  Homes,"  "Receptions,"  etc. 
Let  not  the  innocent  recipient  of  one  of  these  invita- 
tions imagine  that  it  will  be  what  its  name  implies — a 
simple  and  really  informal  affair.  We  have  known  a 
lady  to  be  much  mortified  on  accepting  such  an  invita- 
tion, and  interpreting  it  literally,  to  find  a  most  elabor- 
ate entertainment,  with  carpets  and  awnings  at  the  door, 
and  the  guests  in  elegant  "full  dress,"  making  her 
modest  dress  seem  sadly  out  of  place.  The  word  "  in- 
formal "  is  misapplied,  and  it  is  a  pity  it  cannot  be 
changed.  Those  of  our  readers  who  reside  in  the  large 
cities,  at  least,  should  bear  in  mind  that  the  increasing 
luxury  of  the  times,  to  which  we  have  elsewhere  alluded, 
has  made  these  informal"  entertainments  expensive 
and  luxurious  affairs,  and  should  not  be  deceived  by  the 
word  into  the  expectation  that  they  can  attend  in  a 
really  "informal"  way  without  appearing  like  black 
sheep  in  the  flock.  We  hope  this  caution  may  save 
some  reader  from  the  mortification  of  mistaking  the 
purport  of  some  such  invitation.    Of  course  the  word  is 


PARTIES,  RECEPTIONS  AXD  OTHER  GATHERINGS.  237 

sometimes  used  in  its  true  sense,  bnt  in  certain  circles 
it  is  habitually  misapplied. 

OPERA  AND  THEATRE  PARTIES. 

Bachelors  of  means,  but  who  have  no  homes  in  which  to 
entertain  their  acquaintances,  often  discharge  their  social 
obligations  by  giving  opera  or  theatre  parties,  and  ladies 
and  families  occasionally  give  similar  entertainments. 
In  the  elaborate  and  formal  affairs  given  by  bachelors, 
the  first  thing  to  do  is  to  secure  a  matron — usually  some 
lady  relative,  if  he  has  one  who  can  assume  the  duty. 
He  then  proceeds  to  invite  the  guests  in  person,  explain- 
ing to  the  mothers,  who  is  to  chaperon  the  party  and  the 
gentlemen  who  will  attend.  The  number  invited  is 
rarely  over  ten  or  twelve,  and  frequently  less  than  that. 

The  dinner  is  usually  at  six  o'clock,  and  the  ladies 
are  escorted  to  the  place  (generally  a  hotel  or  restaurant 
or  the  house  of  a  relative)  by  father,  brother  or  waiting 
maid,  and  the  coachman  is  told  at  what  hour  to  return. 
Each  gentleman  acts  as  escort  during  the  evening,  for 
the  lady  to  whom  he  is  assigned  by  the  host,  and  the 
lady  relative  acts  as  chaperon  for  the  party. 

After  dinner  the  host  provides  carriages  to  convey 
tlie  party  to  the  theatre  or  opera,  and  at  the  close  of  the 
performance  they  are  conveyed  in  the  carriages  back 
to  the  house,  restaurant  or  hotel,  and  light  refreshments 
are  served,  when  each  gentleman  escorts  his  lady  to  her 
carriage.  If  some  male  relative  comes  for  the  lady  he 
does  not  escort  her  home,  otherwise  he  must  do  so. 
The  young  lady  guests  call  after  the  entertainment  and 
express  their  thanks  to  the  matron  who  acted  as 
chaperon,  and  the  host  calls  on  the  mother  and  daugh- 
ter, and  expresses  his  thanks  for  the  pleasure  he 
derived  from  the  young  lady's  presence ;  and  these 
after-calls  are  imperative  for  both  parties. 


238    PARTIES,  RECEPTIONS  AND  OTHER  GATHERINGS. 

A  simpler,  less  expensive  and  fully  as  delightful  an 
entertainment  may  be  given  by  a  bachelor  host.  If  his 
invitation  is  accepted,  he  furnishes  two  tickets  to  each 
lady,  one  for  herself  and  the  other  for  her  father,  brother 
or  other  relative  who  should  attend  her,  and  the  party 
meets  at  the  box  in  the  theatre.  After  the  performance 
the  party  goes  to  partake  of  a  supper,  which  may  be  at 
the  house  of  a  friend,  and  dancing  may  follow  the 
supper.  The  after- calls  are  the  same  as  for  the  last- 
described  entertainment. 

A  MME.  TUSSAUD  RECEPTION. 

New  entertainments  are  devised  by  society  from  time 
to  time,  to  give  life  and  variety  to  social  gatherings. 
One  of  the  newest  of  these  is  the  Mme.  Tussaud  recep- 
tion. It  derives  its  name  from  the  well-known  Mme. 
Tussaud's  exhibition  in  London.  The  hostess  who  gives 
the  entertainment  issues  her  invitations  as  for  other 
evening  parties.  Some  of  her  friends  are  induced  to 
assume  certain  characters  and  to  dress  themselves  appro- 
priately, and  before  the  arrival  of  the  guests  they  are 
arranged  in  groups,  like  the  wax-work  figures  in  a  mu- 
seum. The  guests,  on  arriving,  are  shown  to  the  dress- 
ing-rooms, and,  when  ready,  they  go  to  the  room  set 
apart  for  the  exhibition."  Placards  are  posted  up  out- 
side, such  as  "No  Smoking  Allowed,"  "Opera  Glasses 
for  Rent,"  "  Beware  of  Pickpockets,"  and  similar  signs 
usually  seen  at  a  museum ;  and  on  entering  the  door  the 
guests  are  handed  catalogues  explaining  the  different 
figures  on  exhibition.  Such  characters  are  often  perso- 
nated as  Anne  Boleyn,  Henry  VIII.,  Mary  Queen  of 
Scots,  Marie  Antoinette,  Empress  Josephine,  Charlotte 
Corday,  John  Alden,  Priscilla,  Miles  Standish,  George 
AVashington,  Lord  Cromwell,  etc.  There  is  almost  no 
limit  to  the  characters  which  may  be  assumed.  The 


PARTIES,  EECEPTIONS  AND  OTHER  GATHERINGS.  239 


guests  derive  much  amusement  from  inspecting  the  dif- 
ferent characters,  and  at  the  close  of  the  "exhibition'' 
the  "wax  figures"  and  the  audience  select  partners  and 
dancing  begins,  and  the  entertainment  becomes  an  ordi- 
nary dancing  party,  at  which  a  supper  is  served,  and  so 
on.  Guests  wear  the  full  dress  and  go  prepared  to 
dance. 

PINK  AND  BLUE  DINNERS  AND  TEAS- 

The  "  pink  and  blue "  teas  and  dinners  consist  sim- 
ply in  having  the  table  ornaments,  etc.,  all  of  one  color, 
as  pink  for  a  pink  dinner  or  tea,  and  blue  for  a  blue  tea 
or  dinner.  While  they  are  not  as  fashionable  now  as  at 
one  time,  they  may  again  spring  into  popularity. 

SILVER  AND  GLASS  DINNERS. 

At  the  "  silver"  and  glass  dinners  "  the  table  is  res- 
plendent with  plate,  or  gorgeous  with  crystal  vessels  of 
endless  variety  and  beautiful  shape,  but  a  harmonious 
blending  of  color  is  much  more  beautiful  than  a  mono- 
tone, and  while  these  fancies  can  be  resorted  to  oc- 
casionally to  give  variety,  they  are  oddities  that  will  not 
be  common. 

SUNDAY  HOSPITALITIES. 

The  best  society  in  America  regards  Sunday  as  a  day 
of  rest  and  religious  observance,  and  receptions  and 
parties  on  this  day  are  not  in  good  form.  Friends  may 
visit  each  other  in  an  informal  way,  but  no  formal  hos- 
pitalities are  attempted,  and  gay  amusements  and  festivi- 
ties are  so  obviously  out  of  place  as  to  need  no  further 
comment.  Gentlemen  always  wear  the  morning  dress 
on  Sunday,  whether  at  home,  at  church,  or  when  calling 
on  friends.  In  Europe,  dinner  parties  are  given,  the 
opera-house  is  open,  and  Sunday  is  much  like  other 


240    PABTIES,  EECEPTIONS  AND  OTHER  GATHERINGS. 

days ;  but  in  America  this  is  not  countenanced  by  "  good 
society."  Some  Europeans  who  have  come  to  America 
have  brought  their  European  customs  with  them,  but 
the  above  is  the  universal  rule  in  the  best  distinctively 
American  society. 

MATINEES  AND  SOIREES. 

In  France  any  social  entertainment  before  dinner  is 
called  a  matinee  (pronounced  mat-tee-nay),  while  a 
gathering  in  the  evening  is  called  a  soiree  (pronounced 
swor-ray).  In  America,  by  one  of  those  changes  so  com- 
mon in  transplanting  foreign  words,  the  term  maiinSe  has 
been  generally  applied  to  an  afternoon  performance  at 
the  theatre,  but  now  ladies  sometimes  adopt  the  term 
and  issue  invitations  for  a  matinSe  musicale  (pronounced 
mew-zee-karl),  meaning  a  musical  matinSe,  or  a  matinde 
dansante  (pronounced  daw-sawnt),  meaning  a  matinee 
for  dancing;  but  these  terms  are  rare. 

To  skillfully  manage  a  matinee  is  a  very  difficult 
affair.  If  music  is  provided  it  should  be  good,  and  not 
by  some  half-fledged  amateur  who  has  been  induced  to 
inflict  herself  on  the  guests  for  the  occasion.  On  the 
other  hand,  to  expect  professional  singers  to  come  and 
entertain  your  guests  "without  money  and  without 
price,"  when  their  talent  is  as  much  their  source  of  living 
as  a  doctor's  medical  or  a  lawyer's  legal  knowledge,  is 
like  asking  the  doctor  to  prescribe  for  nothing  or  the 
lawyer  to  plead  a  case  gratis.  The  hostess  should  know 
the  character  of  those  she  invites  to  perform,  and  much 
tact  will  be  needed  not  to  give  offense,  as  musicians  are 
notoriously  sensitive.  She  should  also  endeavor  to  issue 
invitations  to  those  who  are  fond  of  music  and  who  will 
enjoy  the  selections  rendered. 

The  first  effort  should  be  to  secure  the  right  kind  of 
talent,  and  the  next  to  arrange  the  programme  and  assign 


PARTIES,  EECEPTIOXS  AND  OTHER  GATHERINGS.  241 


each  performer  to  the  proper  place.  We  would  suggest 
that  the  simple  pieces  should  come  first,  and  the  more 
elaborate  ones  and  the  best  performers  last.  The  hostess 
should  announce  the  different  pieces,  see  that  the  music 
is  turned  for  the  ladies  who  play,  and  that  the  audience 
is  quiet  during  the  performance.  It  is  the  height  of 
rudeness  for  a  guest  to  make  any  noise  which  will  disturb 
the  others  present.  Those  who  do  not  appreciate  music 
had  better  stay  at  home  than  to  attend  and  mar  the 
pleasure  of  the  others  by  whispering  or  laugliing.  To 
manifest  enjoyment  and  appreciation  of  the  entertain- 
ment, on  the  other  hand,  is  a  compliment  to  both  the 
hostess  and  the  musician. 

At  a  musicale  the  dress  is  the  same  as  for  a  reception, 
except  that  bonnets  and  wraps  are  more  generally  laid 
aside.  A  substantial  supper  is  often  provided,  after  the 
entertainment,  for  those  who  took  part  ;  an  attention 
they  are  sure  to  appreciate. 

The  following  is  a  suitable  form  for  an  invitation  : 


The  hours  may  be  from  two  to  four,  if  more  con- 
venient. The  hours  between  two  and  five  are  the  most 
common  and  popular. 


24'2    PARTIES,  RECEPTIONS  AND  OTHER  GATHERINGS. 

The  soiree  was  at  first  intended  to  serve  the  same 
purpose  as  the  old  "  evening  party."  It  is  a  very 
different  gathering  from  a  ball,  although  there  may  be 
dancing.  It  should  call  out  the  best  elements  of  society 
— mature  and  thoughtful  men  and  women,  artists  and 
editors,  business  men  and  preachers;  for  it  is  the  aim 
and  intent  of  society  to  bring  together  the  various  ele- 
ments of  which  it  is  composed  and  brighten  them  up  by 
an  exchange  of  ideas  and  a  display  of  friendly  feeling. 
The  quiet,  easy-going  and  somewhat  unpretentious 
soiree,  to  which  all  classes  may  go  and  meet  on  equal 
terms,  need  not  involve  great  expense  if  one  has  the 
instinct  of  entertaining.  To  give  an  elaborate  supper  is 
not  the  main  thing — that  can  be  bought  at  any  restaurant; 
nor  is  an  officious  and  ostentatious  effort  to  draw  out  the 
guests  what  is  required  so  much  as  the  tact  to  bring  the 
right  elements  together  and  then  allow  them  some  free- 
dom to  entertain  themselves  The  model  hostess  is  rare, 
and  no  one  can  impart  the  talent  to  another ;  but  a 
woman  of  tact  will  be  the  pervading  spirit  of  the 
assembly,  without  appearing  to  interfere  with  guests. 

Invitations  may  be  issued  one  or  two  weeks  in 
advance  and  the  forms  are  the  same  as  those  we  have 
given  for  other  entertainments,  the  ''at  home"  form 
being  most  commonly  used. 

Refreshments  may  be  served,  but  they  may  be  more 
like  the  simple  lunches  prepared  for  the  matinee  than 
the  elaborate  supper  given  at  balls. 

The  guests  should  dress  carefully  for  soirees,  and 
the  ladies  should  wear  pretty  and  becoming  dresses,  but 
they  should  never  keep  their  bonnets  on  as  at  the 
matinee.  To  do  so  displays  ignorance  of  the  social  laws, 
and  will  give  offense  to  the  hostess.  Gentlemen  may 
wear  the  morning  dress,  but  their  toilet  should  be  care- 
fully made.    The  guests  should  arrive  and  depart  early. 


PARTIES,  EECEPTIONS  AND  OTHER  GATHERINGS.  243 

as  the  early  hours  are  one  of  the  attractions  of  these 
affairs  to  our  busy  and  over-worked  people. 

PRIVATE  THEATRICALS,  CHARADES,  TABLEAUX,  ETC. 

When  the  long  evenings  of  fall  and  winter  arrive, 
private  theatricals,  charades  and  tableaux  provide  popu- 
lar and  interesting  amusements.  Invitations  may  be 
issued  the  same  as  for  other  evening  entertainments 
(see  "Invitations"),  and  the  word  "Theatricals,"  or 
"  Charades,"  or  whatever  it  is,  written  in  the  lower  left- 
hand  corner.  If  a  drama  is  attempted,  more  expense  is 
entailed  than  for  charades  or  tableaux.  The  host  or 
hostess  should  not  assume  a  leading  part  unless  it  is 
urged  by  all  the  others,  as  no  hostess  should  ever  try  to 
eclipse  her  guests.  The  performers  should  be  consulted 
and  an  effort  made  to  assign  each  one  to  a  part  that  will 
be  acceptable.  Those  invited  to  take  part  should  endeavor 
to  assist  the  hostess  in  every  way  possible,  and  should 
manifest  a  willingness  to  assume  any  character  that  will 
help  on  the  entertainment,  even  if  it  is  not  as  important 
as  some  others.  Having  accepted  a  part,  an  effort 
should  be  made  to  learn  it  perfectly  and  perform  it  as 
well  as  possible,  and  thereby  contribute  to  the  evening's 
enjoyment.  Some  people  have  decided  natural  talent 
for  acting,  but  all  should  do  their  best.  If  prevented 
by  sickness  or  other  unavoidable  cause  from  performing, 
after  consenting  to  do  so,  the  hostess  should  be  notified 
as  early  as  possible,  so  that  the  part  may  be  taken  by 
some  one  else.  Sickness  or  some  other  equally  good 
reason  should  alone  prevent  the  keeping  of  an  engage- 
ment of  this  kind  when  made.  Music  is  sometimes 
interspersed,  and  at  the  conclusion  of  the  theatricals 
both  performers  and  guests  are  served  with  refresh- 
ments, followed  by  social  intercourse  or  dancing. 


244    PARTIES,  RECEPTIONS  AND  OTHER  GATHERINGS. 


Charades  and  Tableaux^  though  involving  less  work 
and  requiring  less  tact  and  skill  on  the  part  of  both  host 
and  performers,  are  often  very  pleasant,  and  may  be 
managed  much  the  same  way. 

For  Authors'  Parties,  invitations  should  be  issued 
in  the  name  of  the  hostess,  and  should  be  sent  out  three 
or  four  weeks  in  advance,  so  that  time  to  study  the  parts 
may  be  given.  It  is  best  to  select  characters  from  well- 
known  books,  like  the  works  of  Dickens,  with  which 
people  are  generally  familiar. 

Each  guest  should  assume  some  character  and 
endeavor  to  personate  it  as  well  as  possible.  If  these 
parties  are  well  planned  and  managed,  a  great  deal  of 
innocent  amusement,  and  often  some  instruction,  may 
be  derived  from  them. 

The  answers  to  invitations  for  any  of  these  entertain- 
ments would  of  course  be  in  the  same  form  as  those  for 
other  gatherings,  and  both  invitations  and  answers  may 
be  sent  by  mail. 

ETIQUETTE  OF  CARD  PLAYING. 

At  parties  and  social  gatherings  it  is  very  common 
to  introduce  cards  to  contribute  to  the  evening's  amuse- 
ment. The  guests,  however,  should  not  suggest  the 
game — that  should  always  be  done  by  the  hostess. 
New,  clean  cards,  should  always  be  provided  for  such 
occasions.  Elderly  and  married  ladies  should  always 
be  given  the  choice  of  seats,  if  there  is  any  choice, 
rather  than  the  younger  members  of  the  party.  Those 
who  seem  unwilling  to  play  should  not  be  urged  to  do 
so,  as  they  may  have  conscientious  scruples  against  it. 
Manifestations  of  principle  should  always  be  treated 
respectfully.  No  one  should  ever  refuse  to  play  when 
he  is  needed  to  make  up  a  game,  unless  playing  cards 


PARTIES,  RECEPTIONS  AND  OTHER  GATHERINGS,  245 


is  against  his  principles,  or  he  has  some  other  equally 
good  reason.  Never  bet  even  small  amounts  on  cards. 
It  is  demoralizing  and  coarse.  Those  who  cannot  play 
should  decline,  as  a  novice  easily  destroys  the  pleasure 
of  the  others  ;  but  if  urged  to  try  it  by  the  others  who, 
knowing  one's  ignorance  of  the  game,  promise  assist- 
ance, it  is  best  to  attempt  a  hand.  An  obliging  dis- 
position is  always  in  good  form. 

Eegarding  the  etiquette  of  card  playing,  we  offer  the 
following  hints  : 

Do  not  wet  the  fingers  in  dealing. 

Leave  the  cards  on  the  table  until  all  are  dealt,  and  do  not 
finger  them  during  the  dealing . 

Partners  should  not  exchange  signs  or  prompt  each  other. 

Those  who  play  should  do  their  best,  out  of  respect  for  their 
partners'  interest.  A  manifestation  of  indifference  is  an  affront  to 
the  others. 

Loud  and  boisterous  talking  or  laughter  is  very  rude. 

Do  not  converse  on  other  topics  while  playing,  nor  introduce 
subjects  that  will  excite  argument. 

Do  not  criticise  the  others,  nor  hurry  them  by  making  remarks 
to  spur  them  on. 

Always  observe  the  rules  of  the  game .  To  cheat  is  the  height 
of  ill-breeding.  If  others  are  detected  doing  so,  their  attention 
should  be  quietly  and  politely  called  to  the  fact  by  inquiring  if 
they  made  a  mistake,  or  some  similar  remark. 

Never  lose  temper  or  display  impatience  when  playing .  It  is 
better  to  excuse  yourself  and  stop  playing  than  to  wrangle. 

If  you  have  a  poor  partner,  smooth  the  matter  over  and  mani- 
fest no  annoyance,  and  never  reflect  on  the  playing  of  your 
opponents. 

Those  who  succeed  should  not  boastingly  exult  over  the 
unsuccessful  ones,  and  those  defeated  should  manifest  no 
irritation. 

Those  who  have  played  much  together  and  so  understand 
each  others  playing,  should  not  be  partners  in  general  company — 
it  is  not  fair  to  their  opponents. 

When  playing  whist  especially,  no  remarks  should  be  made 
that  will  distract  the  attention  of  the  players. 

It  is  ill-bred  to  violate  the  rules  of  the  game . 


246    PAETIES,  EECEPTIONS  AND  OTHER  GATHERINGS. 
GARDEN  OR  LAWN  PARTIES. 

A  successful  garden  party  is  a  very  pretty  sight, 
with  its  gaily  dressed  company  wandering  under  the 
trees,  or  strolling  over  the  smooth,  green  lawn  and 
among  the  flowers,  or  playing  croquet  or  lawn-tennis,  or 
displaying  their  skill  at  target  shooting.  The  requisites 
for  success  are  a  pleasant  day  (of  course),  good  grounds, 
a  congenial  party,  good  music  and  something  to  eat.  In 
the  summer  months,  when  everyone  likes  to  be  in  the 
open  air,  no  pleasanter  entertainments  than  these  can 
be  given. 

Invitations  are^  usually  sent  out  about  two  weeks 
in  advance,  although  more  informal  affairs  are  often 
arranged  only  a  day  or  two  beforehand.  The  form  of 
invitation  is  about  as  follows  : 


Or  the  "  At  Home  "  form,  given  in  the  chapter  on 
invitations,  may  be  used.    Invitations  may  be  issued  in 


PAKTIES,  KECEPTIONS  AND  OTHER  GATHEEINGS.  247 


this  country  to  include  others  beside  a  gentleman  and 
his  wife,  and  the  following  is  the  form  : 


'At/, 

This  would  include  all  at  Mrs.  Strong's  who  cared 
to  attend.  If  the  party  is  held  at  a  suburban  town 
directions  may  be  given  those  invited,  about  the  railroad 
to  take,  the  trains,  etc.  Something  like  the  following 
might  be  printed  on  the  cards  : 

Carriages  will  meet  the  3:15  train  from  the  Alton  depot. 

Carriages,  on  arriving,  should  drive  to  the  door  of 
the  house,  so  that  the  guests  may  go  to  the  dressing- 
rooms  and  remove  their  wraps  and  arrange  their  toilets. 
If  it  is  a  garden  party  proper,  however,  it  will  be  held 
out-of-doors  entirely,  and  the  hostess  will  receive  on  the 
lawn.  After  making  their  toilets,  the  servants  at  the 
house  can  direct  the  guests  to  the  place  where  the  lady 
is  receiving.  It  is  proper  to  ask  an  invitation  for  a 
friend,  the  same  as  for  a  ball  ;  but  a  refusal  should  not 
give  offense,  as  it  would  not  be  given  without  good 
reasons,  although  they  may  not  be  explained.    The  form 


248    PARTIES,  RECEPTIONS  AND  OTHER  GATHERINGS. 

of  answers  to  these  invitations  would,  of  course,  be  the 
same  as  for  other  entertainments,  and  we  have  already 
given  them. 

In  preparing  for  the  party  the  hostess  should  have 
the  grounds  in  good  order,  and  games  for  the  amuse- 
ment of  the  guests  should  be  provided.  Lawn-tennis 
and  croquet  sets,  archery  implements,  and  sometimes 
bean-bags  and  base  ball  implements,  or  even  checkers 
and  cards  are  interesting.  Musicians  should  be  on 
hand,  and  dancing  on  the  turf,  or  on  a  prepared  plat- 
form if  that  is  not  suitable,  is  nearly  always  in  order. 
Turkish  rugs  may  be  spread  on  the  lawn  to  protect  the 
delicate  and  rheumatic  from  taking  cold,  and  chairs  may 
be  arranged  on  the  piazzas  overlooking  the  grounds,  for 
the  amusement  of  the  elderly  people  present. 

Ladies  have  usually  worn  short  dresses,  but  as  gay 
and  bright  as  they  chose.  Those  who  play  lawn-tennis 
or  croquet,  or  try  at  archery,  should,  of  course,  dress 
accordingly.  If  a  dance  is  expected,  the  ladies  dress 
with  that  in  view  ;  but  the  "full  dress"  is  never  worn, 
although  long  trains  are  a  late  "  new  departure,"  follow- 
ing an  English  style.  Both  hostess  and  guests  always 
wear  their  bonnets. 

Gentlemen  wear  the  morning  dress,  unless  they  go 
dressed  for  lawn-tennis. 

The  refreshments  are  usually  served  out-of-doors, 
although  it  is  often  just  as  pleasant  and  more  convenient 
to  have  them  in  the  house.  All  the  fruits  in  their  season: 
strawberries,  grapes,  melons,  pineapples,  peaches  and 
so  on,  are  enjoyed,  as  well  as  the  more  substantial 
dishes,  as  cold  turkey  or  chicken,  lobster  salad,  jellied 
tongue,  sandwiches  and  hot  rolls.  Lemonade,  soda- 
water,  Appollinaris  water  and  wines  are  provided  for 
the  gentlemen,  on  tables  where  they  can  help  them- 
selves frequently  ;  and  tea  and  coffee  are  served  with 


PAETIES,  RECEPTIONS  AND  OTHER  GATHERINGS.  249 

the  refreshments.  Small  tables  can  be  conveniently 
arranged  on  which  the  guests  may  deposit  their  plates. 
The  neatest  way  to  serve  the  ices  is  in  small  paper  cups 
placed  on  ice  plates ;  and  strawberries,  when  served, 
should  have  a  small  napkin  placed  between  the  plate 
and  saucer,  and  a  dessert-spoon  and  fork  on  each  plate. 
So  many  accidents  occur  that  the  prudent  hostess  will 
not  use  her  best  china  or  cut  glassware  ;  indeed,  it  is  often 
better  to  hire  the  crockery  for  the  occasion.  Servants 
should  be  instructed  to  use  the  utmost  care  in  passing 
dishes  not  to  upset  any  on  the  ladies'  dresses,  as  acci- 
dents are  quite  too  frequent  and  are  always  unpleasant. 

The  guests  usually  separate  between  seven  and 
eight,  or  at  the  approach  of  dusk,  unless  dancing  is  pro- 
vided for  those  who  wish  to  stay  and  enjoy  it. 

PICNICS  AND  EXCURSIONS. 

It  is  very  doubtful  if  older  people  do  not  get  quite 
as  much  enjoyment  out  of  these  free  and  easy  excursions 
as  the  children  for  whom  they  are  so  often  given. 
There  is  a  subtle  charm  for  all  in  the  green  fields,  the 
shady  trees,  the  babbling  brook,  the  joyously  singing 
birds  and  the  fresh  air  and  sunshine — besides  which 
the  change  and  novelty  of  such  a  day  to  the  busy  mer- 
chant or  the  hard-worked  housewife,  is  a  source  of 
pleasure  and  a  real  gain.  If  the  picnic  is  given  by  a 
club  or  society  it  is  a  good  plan  to  make  a  list  of  the 
contributors  and  notify  each  one  what  he  or  she  should 
provide.  Let  one  bring  lemons,  another  sugar,  another 
fruit,  banannas,  apples,  etc.,  another  cold  tongue,  and 
so  on  with  all  the  members.  This  will  prevent  having 
a  surfeit  of  one  thing  and  none  of  another,  as  so  often 
happens  when  no  such  plan  as  this  is  adopted.  If  the 
picnic  is  a  private  one,  arrangements  must  be  made  for 
getting  the  guests  to  the  place  fixed  upon,  and  the  lunch 


250    PARTIES,  RECEPTIONS  AND  OTHER  GATHERINGS. 

and  amusements  must  be  looked  after.  It  is  better  to 
send  the  baskets,  croquet  sets,  etc.,  in  a  separate  car- 
riage, with  the  servants  to  look  after  them.  The  ideal 
picnic  should  be  free  from  formality  ;  and  yet,  while 
all  relax  and  unbend,  no  one  should  cease  to  be  cour- 
teous and  polite.  Gentlemen  should  look  after  the 
pleasures  of  the  ladies,  and  assist  them  by  carrying 
baskets,  baiting  fish-hooks,  getting  flowers  and  all  the 
numberless  little  things  which  the  thoughtful  man  so 
readily  does  for  the  fair  sex.  But  a  frigid  and  stilted 
manner  on  such  an  occasion,  when  all  are  expected  to 
unbend,  is  stupid  and  foolish  in  the  extreme. 

We  offer  a  short  list  of  suitable  dishes  for  refresh- 
ments, although  of  course  it  is  far  from  complete  : — 
Cold  tongue,  chickens,  turkey,  ducks  and  game,  ham, 
pressed  tongue,  veal  patties,  lobster  salads,  sandwiches, 
pickles,  cheese,  jam  turnovers,  blanc-mange  in  moulds, 
plain  biscuits,  rolls,  doughnuts,  cakes  of  various  kinds, 
cookies,  pies,  butter,  pepper  and  salt,  and  fruit  of  all 
kinds.  To  drink  : — tea  and  coffee  in  bottles  (as  it  is 
not  often  convenient  to  make  them  on  the  grounds), 
lemonade,  soda  and  Appollinaris  or  other  mineral 
waters.  Ice-cream  can  easily  be  carried  out  in  freezers, 
and  dished  out  on  the  grounds. 

HUNTING  PARTIES. 

For  hundreds  of  years  hunting  has  been  popular  in 
England,  and  each  generation  has  had  its  enthusiastic 
devotees  of  the  chase.  The  hunt  has  been  an  important 
factor  in  English  country  life,  and  descriptions  of  hunt- 
ing scenes  figure  largely  in  the  novels  and  stories  of  the 
people.  This  sport  has  been  little  practiced  in  America, 
but  recently  it  is  being  taken  up  by  some  of  the  young 
men  and  ladies,  who  follow  an  anise-seed  bag  instead  of 
a  fox,  but  the  real  fox  may  come  in  time.    The  space 


PARTIES,  RECEPTIONS  AND  OTHER  GATHERINGS.  251 

devoted  to  this  subject  in  English  books  of  etiquette  is 
needless  here.  Those  who  attempt  to  ride  a  hunt  must 
be  good  riders  and  thoroughly  at  home  in  the  saddle, 
and  this  comes  only  by  constant  practice.  No  indifferent 
rider  should  venture  on  a  friend's  horse,  for  the  true 
hunter  will  much  sooner  forgive  an  injury  to  himself 
than  to  his  favorite  animal.  A  lady's  hunting  dress 
must  be  plain  and  serviceable,  but  may  be  very  becom- 
ing. A  dark-colored,  tight-fitting  habit,  with  a  not  very 
long  skirt,  a  plain  linen  collar  ( which  may  be  fastened 
with  bright  ribbon),  linen  cuffs  and  leather  gloves,  with 
a  hat  in  the  prevailing  style,  constitute  the  costume,  but 
a  stiff  hat  has  saved  many  a  fair  head  from  injury. 

COACHING. 

Another  sport  recently  adopted  in  America  is  coach- 
ing. In  our  chapter  on  "  Dress  "  we  have  said  a  word 
about  the  appropriate  costume  for  a  lady  who  would 
ride  on  a  coach.  The  comic  papers  have  made  much 
sport  of  the  coaching  mania,  and  much  of  the  ridicule 
was  well  deserved;  and  yet  the  drift  among  Americans 
to  out-door  amusements  is  a  cheering  sign  to  most 
thoughtful  people.  To  spend  a  pleasant  day  on  top  of 
a  coach  in  the  open  air  is  a  healthy  amusement,  and 
refreshments  are  often  carried  in  hampers  and  served 
by  the  valets.  Potted  meats,  cold  beef  and  tongue, 
sandwiches,  game  pies  and  so  on,  will  be  eaten  with  the 
sauce  of  hunger  at  such  a  time. 

ASPARAGUS  PARTIES. 

These  parties  appear  to  have  originated  in  New 
York.  They  are  a  kind  of  picnic.  Parties  are  formed, 
and  they  drive  out  to  some  convenient  locality  where 
this  vegetable  can  be  cut  fresh,  and  dinner  is  serve  1 
with  the  asparagus  in  abundance,  while  the  drive  out 


252    PAETIES,  RECEPTIONS  AND  OTHER  GATHERINGS. 

and  back  on  a  clear,  pleasant  day,  makes  a  very  enjoyable 
occasion.  There  is  no  reason  why  other  similar  and 
very  pleasant  parties  might  not  easily  be  arranged  for 
other  things — like  a  "melon  party,"  for  instance. 

ARCHERY. 

Archery  has  hardly  become  established  as  an  Ameri- 
can sport,  and  yet  it  is  an  excellent  amusement  for  both 
ladies  and  gentlemen.  It  is  graceful,  healthful,  and 
calculated  to  develop  the  muscles  and  expand  the  chest 
and  give  gracefulness  of  carriage.  Many  archery  clubs 
have  been  formed  in  recent  years,  and  the  amusement 
may  grow  in  popular  favor.  The  ladies  wear  short 
dresses,  so  made  as  to  give  free  play  to  the  chest  and 
arms.  They  may  be  brighter  than  the  ordinary  walking- 
dresses,  and  are  frequently  trimmed  with  green  and 
gold  color,  and  a  lively  jacket  is  often  worn.  Of  course 
the  players  must  conform  to  the  rules  adopted  by  the 
clubs  to  which  they  belong. 

LAWN-TENNIS. 

Lawn-tennis,  although  a  very  ancient  game,  has 
become  very  popular  in  reCent  years,  and  has  largely 
supplanted  croquet  in  popular  favor.  It  is  equally 
adapted  to  both  sexes,  and  certainly  furnishes  a  very 
healthy  amusement.  For  ladies,  a  jersey  is  necessary, 
as  it  allows  the  arms  freedom  of  movement,  and  the 
players  wear  flannel  costumes  made  for  the  purpose. 
The  gentlemen  should  manifest  a  polite  interest  in  the 
ladies'  welfare  in  this,  as  in  all  other  games,  and  no 
unfairness  or  disputing  should  ever  be  indulged  in. 
Such  things  are  always  ill-bred.  The  rules  of  the  game 
can  be  obtained  from  almost  any  dealer  who  sells  lawn- 
tennis  supplies. 


PAETIES,  KECZPTIOXS  AND  OTHER  GATHERINGS.  253 
CROQUET. 

Croquet,  which  was  once  so  fashionable,  has  yielded 
largely  in  late  years  to  lawn-tennis,  and  yet  it  will  prob- 
ably never  entirely  lose  its  popularity.  Short  dresses 
should  be  worn,  but  they  may  be  bright  and  gay.  Stout 
boots  should  also  be  worn.  Gentlemen  will  of  course 
assist  their  partners  at  every  opportunity,  but  well-bred 
persons  will  never  take  an  unfair  advantage  of  an  adver- 
sary, and  in  cases  of  dispute  the  truly  polite  will  control 
their  tempers  and  respect  the  rights  and  opinions  of 
others.    Heated  disputes  are  always  ill-bred. 

BOATING. 

Boating  is  a  popular  amusement  where  there  are 
bodies  of  water  suitable  for  the  purpose.  It  is  certainly 
a  healthy  and  pleasant  exercise,  and  many  ladies  become 
quite  expert  with  the  oars.  When  gentlemen  take 
ladies  out  rowing,  one  should  stay  in  the  boat  and  steady 
it,  while  another  assists  the  ladies  to  step  in.  Before 
starting,  care  should  be  taken  to  see  that  the  ladies' 
dresses  are  so  arranged  that  they  will  not  get  wet. 
Inexperienced  rowers  should  be  careful  not  to  endanger 
the  safety  of  others  by  attempting  to  row,  especially  if 
ladies  are  in  the  boat.  The  "stroke  oar"  is  the  seat  of 
honor,  and  the  owner  of  the  boat  should  offer  it  to  his 
guest.  A  lady  dressing  for  a  row  should  wear  a  short 
dress  free  from  needless  drapery,  which  will  allow 
free  play  to  her  arms,  and  stout  boots;  also,  a  hat  with 
a  broad  brim,  that  will  shield  the  face  from  the  sun, 

YACHTING. 

Yachting  is  an  exciting  amusement,  and  very  popular 
with  those  fond  of  the  water.  There  is  more  danger  in 
sailing  than  in  rowing,  however,  and  it  requires  much 


254    PARTIES,  RECEPTIONS  AND  OTHER  GATHERINGS. 

skill  to  manage  a  sail-boat  or  yacht  properly.  Ladies 
should  never  be  invited  out  for  a  sail  unless  some  one  is 
along  fully  competent  to  manage  the  boat.  Yachting 
dresses  should  be  warm  and  durable  and  made  out  of 
serge  or  tweed  (something  that  will  not  be  injured 
by  water),  but  they  may  be  jaunty  and  gayly  trimmed. 
Of  course  no  young  lady  should  go  out  alone  with  a 
gentleman  either  yachting  or  rowing. 

The  reason  is  plain.  In  yachting,  we  have  known  a 
boat  becalmed,  and  the  parties  forced  to  stay  out  on  the 
water  for  hours,  sometimes  far  into  the  night  ;  and  no 
prudent  lady  should  do  anything  which  would  cast  even 
a  shadow  on  her  reputation.  A  lady  cannot  be  too 
discreet  in  such  matters. 

FISHING. 

Fishing  parties  may  be  very  enjoyable  affairs  where 
there  is  a  lake  or  stream  plentifully  stocked  with  fish. 
Luncheon  may  be  carried,  and  if  some  of  the  newly- 
caught  fish  can  be  cooked  they  will  give  much  zest  to 
the  occasion.  Gentlemen  should  always  render  every 
assistance  possible  to  the  ladies,  putting  together  their 
rods,  disentangling^  lines,  baiting  their  hooks,  etc.,  and 
a  gentleman  should  always  be  ready  to  lay  down  his 
own  rod  and  help  a  lady. 

SKATING. 

When  winter  blankets  the  earth  in  white  and  covers 
the  waters  with  ice,  skating  parties  are  planned  with 
great  delight.  The  gentleman  should  be  as  chivalrous 
as  an  olden  knight  to  the  lady  he  escorts,  and  carry  her 
skates  to  and  from  the  pond  or  stream,  fasten  them  on 
for  her,  and  guide,  support  and  instruct  her  if  she  is  a 
novice  at  the  sport.  The  ladies,  on  the  other  hand, 
should  try  and  not  needlessly  task  the  patience  of  their 


PARTIES,  RECEPTIONS  AND  OTHER  GAPHERINGS,  255 


instructors,  and  all  attentions  should  be  acknowledged 
with  appropriate  thanks.  It  is  proper  for  a  gentleman 
to  assist  a  lady  who  needs  it,  even  though  they  have  not 
been  introduced. 

COASTING  PARTIES. 

Coasting  parties  are  another  exhilarating  amusement 
enjoyed  in  some  parts  of  the  country.  The  etiquette  of 
these  lively  parties  simply  requires  the  gentleman  to 
provide  for  the  ladies'  comfort  and  amusement  as  far  as 
possible.  All  should  dress  warmly  ;  but  tight  boots  or 
shoes  will  cause  cold  feet. 

TOBOGGANING. 

Tobogganing,  which  has  sprung  into  such  sudden 
popularity,  is  only  a  form  of  coasting.  The  true  gentle- 
man always  considers  first  the  interests  of  the  ladies, 
the  same  as  in  coasting,  and  will  be  at  all  times  polite 
and  attentive.  The  toboggan  suits  of  the  present  day 
are  very  bright  and  picturesque,  so  much  so  as  at  times 
to  be  hardly  becoming — particularly  those  worn  by  the 
men;  but  the  dress  is  thick  and  warm,  the  latter  being 
very  essential.  There  is  no  more  exciting  and  exhila- 
rating sport  for  ladies  and  gentlemen  than  this  on  a 
clear,  cold  winter  evening. 


4f 


ETIQUETTE  OF  PUBLIC  PLACES. 


ELL-BEED  people  never  reserve  their 
politeness  for  the  drawing-room,  or  any 
special  occasions.  With  all  such,  polite- 
ness is  habitual  and  almost  instinctive. 
It  includes  both  equals  and  inferiors. 
In  the  daily  intercourse  with  others,  in 
the  shops  and  offices,  on  the  streets,  in 
public  conveyances  and  at  places  of 
amusement,  everywhere  and  at  all  times, 
that  deferential  regard  for  the  wishes  and  feelings,  as 
well  as  the  rights  of  others,  which  is  the  surest  mark  of 
the  refinement  of  nature  which  constitutes  the  true 
gentleman  or  lady,  adds  wonderfully  to  the  pleasure  of 
life  and  makes  the  social  machinery  run  smoothly  and 
agreeably.  While  we  cannot,  of  course,  touch  on  all 
the  little  points  which  arise  in  the  daily  contact  of 
individuals,  we  will  endeavor  to  mention  the  more 
important  of  those  well-established  customs  of  good 
society  which  our  readers  should  observe  in  public 
places. 

STEEET  ETIQUETTE. 

When  a  funeral  procession  is  passing,  do  not  attempt 
to  cross  the  street  between  the  carriages.  To  do  so  is 
disrespectful. 

When  walking  on  the  street  keep  to  the  right.  A 
gentleman  walking  alone,  however,  should  give  prefer- 
ence, when  it  would  be  acceptable,  to  ladies,  elderly 
gentlemen,  or  any  one  heavily  burdened. 

(257) 


258 


ETIQUETTE  OF  PUBLIC  PLACES. 


A  lady  does  not  take  the  arms  of  two  gentlemen  at 
the  same  time,  nor  should  two  ladies,  as  a  rule,  each 
take  one  arm  of  a  gentleman.  When  two  gentlemen 
walk  with  a  lady  one  should  go  on  each  side.  Nothing 
is  more  absurd  than  to  see  a  gentleman  escorting  two 
ladies  in  the  rain,  and  "  sandwiched  "  in  between  them 
with  only  one  umbrella,  thus  giving  him  perfect  pro- 
tection while  they  are  exposed  to  the  storm.  At  such 
times  he  should  give  the  ladies  the  umbrella  and  take 
the  outside. 

Acquaintances  meeting  each  other  on  the  street  bow 
the  instant  their  eyes  meet.  It  is  better  that  each 
party  should  bow  at  once,  on  recognizing  an  acquaint- 
ance, than  to  stand  on  too  much  formality  and  either 
wait  for  the  other.  A  bow  necessitates  no  further 
acquaintance,  and  a  cut  direct  should  not  be  given 
without  good  reason. 

It  is  not  necessary  to  introduce  your  companion  to 
every  acquaintance  you  meet  when  walking,  or  in 
the  street  cars  or  elsewhere.  These  indiscriminate 
introductions  serve  no  good  end,  and  are  entirely  need- 
less. Introductions  should  be  desired  before  they  are 
given. 

The  custom  which  prevails  in  some  country  districts 
of  bowing  to  the  strangers  one  meets  in  the  road  is  very 
polite,  and  almost  any  stranger  is  pleased  with  such  a 
courtesy. 

Hinis  to  Gentlemen. — A  gentleman  walking  with  a 
lady  offers  her  his  right  arm.  The  old  custom  of  offering 
the  left  arm  arose  in  the  days  when  a  gentleman  kept 
his  sword-arm  free  to  protect  himself  or  the  lady  he 
escorted.  Now,  however,  the  passing  is  all  to  the  right, 
and  a  lady  taking  his  right  arm  is  shielded  from  the 
jostling  of  the  crowd,  while  her  right  arm  is  free  to 
manage  her  train  or  hold  her  parasol.    If  the  street  is 


ETIQUETTE  Of  PUBLIC  PLACES, 


259 


very  crowded,  however,  and  the  lady  would  be  better 
protected  from  jostling  on  the  left  arm,  that  is  offered. 
All  rules  have  exceptions,  and  must  be  interpreted  by 
common  sense. 

It  is  not  customary  for  a  lady  to  change  from  one 
arm  to  the  other,  after  crossing  the  street,  unless  she 
would  be  better  shielded  by  so  doing.  The  custom  of 
giving  the  ''v-all"'  or  ''inside''  to  a  lady,  arose  in  olden 
times  when  sidewalks  were  unhnown.  and  such  a  custom 
was  needed  to  shield  the  lady,  but  it  is  out  of  date  now. 

Try  and  keep  step  vrhen  walking  with  another.  When 
arm  in  arm  it  is  easily  done. 

A  gentleman  walking  with  a  lady  offers  her  his  arm 
in  the  evening,  or  vrhenever  her  comfort  or  convenience 
requires  it  ;  but  it  is  very  rarely  done  in  the  day-time, 
unless  they  are  married  or  engaged,  or  closely  related, 
as  parent  and  son  or  daughter.  As  a  rule  it  is  best  to 
avoid  creating  remark  by  a  needless  public  parade  of 
attention,  and  to  offer  the  arm  to  a  lady  in  the  day- 
time is  unusual  in  the  best  society. 

A  gentleman  precedes  a  lady  in  going  through  a 
crowd,  thus  opening  a  path  for  her.  On  entering  a 
door  a  gentleman  holds  it  open  while  the  lady  enters 
first,  and  this  is  true  even  if  he  is  unacquainted  with 
the  lady.  In  going  up-stairs  the  gentleman  goes  first ; 
in  going  down  the  lady  takes  precedence. 

When  a  gentleman  walks  with  a  lady,  it  is  her  privi- 
lege to  select  the  route. 

TVlien  a  gentleman  meets  a  lady  on  the  street  with 
whom  he  wishes  to  converse,  he  should  turm  and  walk 
with  her,  instead  of  standing  on  the  sidewalk  and 
obstructing  the  passage  of  others.  He  should  bow  and 
lift  his  hat  when  he  leaves  her. 

It  is  ill-bred  to  refuse  to  return  the  bow  of  a  lady 
who  salutes  you.    If  she  is  a  sti'anger  she  may  have 


260  ETIQUETTE  OF  PUBLIC  PLACES. 


mistaken  you  for  some  one  you  closely  resemble, 
and  to  return  the  bow  relieves  her  of  embarassment. 
If  you  do  not  care  to  continue  a  lady's  acquaintance, 
avoid  her  by  turning  the  head  ;  but  if  your  eyes  meet 
and  she  bows,  return  it  at  once.  The  bow  wdll  do  you 
no  harm,  and  you  need  not  further  seek  her  acquaint- 
ance. If  she  sees  your  manner  is  cold  she  will  not 
seek  to  keep  up  the  recognition. 

No  young  man  should  fail  to  return  the  salute  of  an 
elderly  gentleman.    Always  respect  age. 

It  is  better  to  turn  the  head  and  avoid  looking  at  an 
undesirable  acquaintance  than  to  refuse  to  respond  to  a 
bow.  A  gentleman  always  returns  a  bow  made  to  a 
lady  he  is  escorting,  whether  acquainted  or  not  with  the 
one  who  bows.  Gentlemen  lift  their  hats  when  bowing 
to  another  gentleman  who  is  accompanied  by  a  lady, 
and  when  with  an  acquaintance  who  bows  they  lift  the 
hat  also. 

When  entering  stores,  hotel  corridors,  etc.,  gentlemen 
do  not  remove  their  hats,  but  it  is  "  good  form"  to  remove 
them  on  entering  an  elevator  where  there  are  ladies. 

Any  little  acts  of  politeness  that  are  tendered  ladies, 
such  as  picking  up  a  package  that  one  has  dropped,  or 
other  similar  acts  of  courtesy,  should  be  accompanied 
by  lifting  the  hat.  A  respectful  salute  gives  grace  to 
the  attention. 

In  crossing  a  slippery  or  muddy  street,  or  walk,  a 
gentleman  may  assist  a  lady  who  is  an  entire  stranger 
with  perfect  propriety,  and  he  may  precede  or  follow 
her  as  is  most  convenient. 

Gentlemen  do  not  offer  to  shake  hands  with  ladies 
they  meet  on  the  street.  Let  the  lady  make  the  first 
advance.  If  the  hand  is  tendered  it  is  not  necessary  to 
take  off  the  glove,  nor  make  any  apology  for  not  doing 
so,  such  as    excuse  my  glove."    That  is  out  of  date. 


ETIQUETTE  OF  PUBLIC  PLACES. 


261 


Gentlemen  do  not  stand  on  the  steps  of  a  hotel,  or 
at  the  door  of  a  church,  or  on  a  street  corner  or  other 
public  place,  and  gaze  at  passing  ladies.  They  do  not 
ridicule  peculiarities  of  dress  or  manners  in  others,  and 
they  never  turn  and  stare  at  ladies  they  have  passed. 

If  you  stop  another  gentleman  to  speak  to  him  step 
to  the  side  of  the  walk,  out  of  the  way  of  passers-by. 

A  gentleman  who  is  smoking  removes  the  cigar  from 
his  mouth  before  saluting  a  lady.  No  gentleman  will 
smoke  in  any  place  where  it  will  be  offensive  to  others, 
and  when  walking  with  ladies  gentlemen  do  not  smoke. 
When  on  the  street  or  in  public  vehicles,  to  puff  smoke 
in  the  faces  of  others  is  very  rude.  As  this  can  hardly 
be  avoided  in  crowded  streets,  the  refined  gentleman 
will  not  smoke  when  walking  on  them.  Neither  will  a 
gentleman  hawk  and  spit  when  walking  with  ladies.  If 
he  must  spit  when  on  the  street,  he  goes  to  the  edge 
of  the  sidewalk  and  spits  in  the  gutter. 

Never  carry  an  umbrella  or  cane  under  the  arm 
horizontally,  or  in  any  way  that  will  endanger  the  eyes 
and  comfort  of  others. 

To  eat  fruit  or  anything  else  in  the  public  streets  is 
ill-bred,  and  is  the  next  thing  to  the  gum-chewing 
idiocy,  for  chewing  gum  on  the  street  is  almost  idiotic. 

Always  apologize  if  you  run  against  others,  or  cause 
them  any  inconvenience.  Avoid  annoying  others  in 
any  way  at  any  time. 

Gentlemen  are  considerate  to  ladies  always,  and 
carry  their  packages,  help  them  adjust  their  wraps,  or 
assist  them  in  any  other  way  they  can. 

If  you  have  a  disagreement  about  the  fare  with  a 
hack-driver,  take  his  number  and  make  your  complaint 
to  the  proper  authorities.  Do  not  dispute  with  him 
and  keep  a  lady  waiting,  as  that  would  be  very  rude. 

The    questions  of  strangers  should   be  politely 


262 


ETIQUETTE  OF  PUBLIC  PLACES. 


answered,  and  any  possible  information  given  cheer- 
fully and  clearly. 

Do  not  manifest  curiosity  about  the  business  or 
bundles  of  a  friend  you  meet.  Intrusive  curiosity  is 
always  offensive  and  indicates  lack  of  breeding. 

Gentlemen  do  not  pass  in  front  of  ladies  on  the 
street  if  they  can  avoid  it,  nor  on  entering  a  store,  house 
or  room ;  they  hold  the  door  open  and  allow  the  lady  to 
enter  first  if  practicable. 

Gentlemen  do  not  join  ladies  on  the  street  and  seek 
to  walk  with  them,  without  first  ascertaining  that  it  will 
be  agreeable. 

Hints  to  Ladies. — A  lady  never  seeks  to  attract  the 
attention  of  the  other  sex  or  form  their  acquaintance  on 
the  street.  To  do  so  would  forfeit  all  claims  to  consid- 
eration as  a  lady,  and  would  justify  a  suspicion  of  her 
virtue.  Neither  by  dress  nor  manner  should  she  render 
herself  conspicuous.  To  wear  showy  dresses  or  brilliant 
colors  on  the  street  is  not  good  form,  and  the  whole 
modern  tendency  is  toward  quiet  and  simple  attire  for 
street  wear. 

Public  flirtations  are  not  only  rude  and  vulgar — they 
are  dangerous.  The  ladies  of  America  are  allowed 
great  liberty,  but  they  should  avoid  even  the  appearance 
of  evil. 

In  large  cities  no  lady  ventures  out  alone  in  the 
business  streets  after  dark.  In  the  suburbs  and  in  small 
towns  more  freedom  is  allowed,  and  a  lady  can  easily 
inquire  and  find  what  the  local  rules  of  society  are.  It 
is  best  to  be  careful  in  such  matters  and  err  on  the  side 
of  caution  rather  than  on  that  of  boldness  or  freedom  of 
manners.  The  host,  a  relative  or  a  servant,  can  be 
secured  as  an  escort  almost  any  time. 

No  lady  can  demand  the  services  or  attentions  of 
friends  or  strangers  as  a  right.     When  voluntarily 


ETIQUETTE  OF  PUBLIC  PLACES 


263 


tendered  they  are  courtesies,  to  be  accepted  graciously 
and  acknowledged  with  thanks. 

Ladies  do  not  shout  or  call  across  the  street. 

Do  not  extend  the  hand  to  another  when  half  a  block 
away.  Wait  until  you  meet  before  trying  to  shake 
hands. 

A  lady  who  is  detained  by  a  friend  on  the  street 
when  she  has  an  engagement  elsewhere,  may  frankly 
excuse  herself  with  perfect  propriety. 

Deference  to  age  is  always  a  mark  of  good  breeding, 
and  when  two  ladies  meet  in  a  hall  or  doorway  the 
younger  gives  the  elder  the  precedence. 

A  lady  may  accept  the  assistance  of  a  perfect  stranger 
in  entering  or  alighting  from  a  public  conveyance,  or  in 
crossing  a  crowded  or  muddy  street,  but  the  courtesy 
should  be  acknowledged  with  thanks. 

It  is  only  ill-bred  ladies  who  chew  gum  on  the  streets 
or  in  a  public  conveyance 

It  is  only  those  who  feel  uncertain  of  their  position 
who  fear  to  recognize  those  whom  they  consider  below 
them  in  the  social  scale.  To  pass  without  recognition 
because  of  their  uncouth  appearance,  country  people, 
or  anyone  who  has  done  them  a  favor,  is  vulgar  and 
contemptible;  so,  also,  it  is  rude  and  unfeeling  to  pass 
servants  without  notice. 

For  a  lady  to  run  across  a  street  in  front  of  an 
approaching  carriage  is  both  dangerous  and  undignified. 

A  young  lady  should  always  return  the  bow  of  an 
elderly  or  married  lady.  A  direct  "  cut "  of  any  one  is 
rarely  justifiable.  As  the  best  American  usage  expects 
the  lady  to  bow  first,  it  is  of  course  her  privilege  to  pass 
without  recognition  a  gentleman  whose  character  is 
notoriously  bad — to  recognize  him,  even,  might  com- 
promise the  lady — but  as  a  rule  "  cutting  "  should  be 
avoided. 


264 


ETIQUETTE  OF  PUBLIC  PLACES. 


ETIQUETTE  OF  RIDING. 

The  exercise  of  riding  is  one  of  the  most  exhilarating 
and  healthful  in  the  world.  It  is  doubtful  if  any  other 
exercise  is  of  more  benefit  to  invalids  or  those  of  seden- 
tary habits.  A  lady  who  rides  gracefully  never  appears 
better  than  when  in  the  saddle,  but  the  first  attempts  to 
ride  should  not  be  made  in  public.  Perhaps  we  hardly 
need  to  say  that  no  true  lady  or  gentleman  will  abuse  a 
horse. 

The  gentleman  who  escorts  a  lady  should  be  punctu- 
ally on  time.  He  should  see  that  her  horse  is  gentle 
and  reliable,  as  it  will  not  do  to  risk  her  life  on  a  vicious 
and  unmanageable  animal.  He  should  inspect  her  saddle 
and  bridle  and  see  that  they  are  secure,  and  not  trust 
to  the  groom  or  stable-men.  Before  mounting  himself 
he  must  see  that  the  lady  is  comfortably  seated  on  her 
horse. 

The  duty  of  assisting  the  lady  to  mount  belongs  to 
the  gentleman  who  escorts  her,  and  not  to  the  groom. 
In  mounting,  the  lady  stands  on  the  left^  side  of  the 
horse,  facing  his  head,  and  elose  to  him.  Her  left  hand 
holds  her  gathered  skirts,  and  her  right  rests  on  the 
pommel  of  the  saddle.  The  gentleman  will  stand  at  the 
horse's  shoulder  and  facing  the  lady.  He  offers  his 
right  hand,  into  which  she  places  her  foot,  and  then  as 
she  springs  he  gently  lifts  her  into  the  saddle,  being 
careful  not  to  throw  her  too  far  by  a  violent  effort.  He 
then  adjusts  her  foot  in  the  stirrup,  smoothes  her  riding 
habit,  hands  her  the  reins  and  her  whip,  and  he  is  ready 
to  mount  himself. 

In  dismounting  after  the  ride  the  lady  first  lifts  her 
knee  from  the  pommel,  and  her  foot  from  the  stirrup, 
and  sees  that  her  clothes  are  free  from  the  saddle.  The 
gentleman  then  takes  her  left  hand  in  his  right,  and 


ETIQUETTE  OF  PUBLIC  PLACES. 


265 


receiving  her  foot  in  his  left  hand  he  lowers  her  gently 
to  the  ground,  saving  her  the  jar  of  springing  from  the 
saddle. 

The  lady's  right  hand  is  the  whip  hand,  and  the  left 
is  the  bridle  hand.  The  left  side  of  the  horse  is  called 
the  near  side,  and  is  the  one  on  which  the  lady  rides 
and  on  which  everybody  mounts.  The  beauty  of  riding 
is  to  accommodate  yourself  to  the  movements  of  the 
horse  and  ride  him  as  though  he  was  a  part  of  yourself. 
The  elbows  should  be  carried  near  the  body,  but  not  too 
stiffly ;  to  carry  them  out  at  a  sharp  angle  and  let  them 
sway  up  and  down  with  the  motion  of  the  horse  is  very 
awkward. 

Every  lady  who  rides  much  should  understand  the 
construction  and  fastenings  of  her  horse's  equipments 
and  be  able  to  adjust  them  herself  in  case  of  necessity. 
A  groom  who  accompanies  a  lady  rides  a  little  distance 
in  the  rear. 

The  riding  costume  suitable  for  a  lady  we  have 
discussed  in  our  article  on  "Dress." 

A  gentleman  should  not  touch  a  lady's  horse  except 
in  case  of  need,  but  he  is  always  alert  and  ready  to 
assist  in  case  of  an  emergency. 

There  is  a  style  of  riding  a  horse  by  gentlemen 
which  is  fashionable  in  som*e  circles,  although  we  hardly 
know  why,  unless  it  is  because  it  is  an  imitation  of  a 
foreign  style — and  affectations  of  foreign  manners  are 
"so  stylish,  you  know!"  It  consists  in  bobbing  up 
and  down  on  the  horse  as  one  rides.  It  is  a  most 
awkward  and  ungraceful  style  of  riding,  and  tiresome 
if  long  continued.  Our  AVestern  cowboys  or  frontier- 
men  are  hardly  considered  models  of  deportment,  but 
there  are  probably  no  better  riders  in  the  world.  They 
are  on  horse-back  constantly  week  after  week,  and  they 
will  sit  in  a  saddle  almost  as  though  they  were  glued  to 


266 


ETIQUETTE  01  PUBLIC  PLACES. 


it.  They  grasp  the  horse  with  the  thighs  or  upper 
part  of  their  legs,  and  accommodate  themselves  to  the 
motion  of  the  animal.  It  is  a  pity  all  gentlemen  who 
ride  cannot  learn  their  style,  for  it  is  both  graceful  and 
easy. 

All  the  courtesies  of  the  road,  the  best  horse,  the 
best  side,  etc.,  are  given  to  an  elderly  gentleman  by  a 
younger,  when  riding  with  one. 

The  gentleman  rides  at  the  right  of  the  lady,  as  his 
horse  may  rub  against  her  if  he  rides  on  the  other  side. 

If  there  are  two  ladies,  he  rides  at  the  right  of  both. 
The  lady  chooses  the  pace  at  which  she  wall  ride,  and 
the  gentleman  always  loolis  out  for  her  interests,  giving 
her  the  easiest  and  shadiest  side  of  the  road,  opening 
gates,  paying  tolls,  and  so  on. 

In  passing  others,  always  turn  to  the  right. 

If  friends  are  met  or  overtaken,  the  gentleman  will 
ascertain  if  his  presenee  is  desired  before  attempting  to 
accompany  them  in  their  ride.  If  he  meets  a  lady  who 
is  on  foot,  with  whom  he  wishes  to  converse,  he  will 
dismount  and  stand  beside  his  horse  while  talking  with 
her. 

ETIQUETTE  OF  DKIVING. 

A  gentleman  who  drives,  with  a  lady  will  assist  her 
to  enter  the  carriage,  and  will  guard  her  skirts  from 
rubbing  against  the  wheels.  He  sees  that  the  lady  is 
comfortably  seated,  that  her  dress  is  protected  from  the 
dust  and  mud,  and  that  she  has  her  parasol,  fan  or 
shawl,  and  then  he  enters  the  carriage,  being  careful 
to  so  enter  as  to  save  turning  round.  He  should  avoid 
treading  on  the  lady's  dress,  or  shutting  it  in  the  door 
of  the  carriage.  In  a  two-seated  vehicle  he  takes  his 
seat  opposite  the  lady,  with  his  back  to  the  horses,  and 
he  should  not  presume  to  sit  beside  a  lady  unless 


ETIQUETTE  OF  PUBLIC  PLACES. 


267 


requested  to  do  so.  The  right-hand  seat  facing  the 
horse  is  the  one  of  honor,  and  belongs  to  the  hostess, 
or  she  may  give  it  to  a  guest  she  wishes  to  honor.  As 
riding  backward  is  disagreeable  to  many  ladies,  the 
gentleman  always  takes  the  seat  with  its  back  to  the 
driver. 

When  mounting  a  tally-ho  coach,  the  lady  goes  first 
and  the  gentleman  follows  a  step  or  two  behind  her, 
and  keeps  her  dress  in  place  wath  his  cane.  In 
descending  both  go  down  backward,  the  gentleman 
going  first  and  keeping  her  dress  in  place  as  before. 
On  board  ships  ladies  and  gentlemen  go  up  and  down 
the  companion-ways  in  the  same  manner. 

When  the  carriage  stops  the  gentleman  jumps  out, 
even  if  he  has  to  pass  in  front  of  the  lady  (being  careful, 
however,  not  to  step  on  her  dress)  and  assists  her  to 
alight.  If  a  servant  is  present  he  may  hold  the  door 
open,  but  the  gentleman  should  assist  the  lady  out.  He 
then  walks  up  the  steps  with  her,  and  rings  the  door 
bell.  If  a  lady  wishes  to  step  out  of  the  carriage  for 
any  purpose,  the  gentleman  must  alight  and  assist  her 
out,  and  if  she  re-enters  he  must  again  alight  and  assist 
her  to  do  so.  The  gentleman  conveys  the  lady's  orders 
to  the  coachman. 

It  is  an  insult  to  be  promptly  resented  by  a  well-bred 
lady,  when  a  gentleman  attempts  to  put  his  arm  on  the 
back  of  the  seat,  or  take  any  liberties  with  her  when 
driving. 

A  lady  who  is  invited  to  drive  with  a  gentleman 
cannot  offer  to  take  a  friend,  although  ladies  often  have 
a  grcom  along  in  lieu  of  a  chaperon. 

To  drive  with  a  gentleman  later  than  9  p.  m.,  is  of 
questionable  propriety,  for  obvious  reasons. 

To  interfere  with  a  driver  is  very  rude.  A  sugges- 
tion may  be  made  politely,  and  with  an  apology,  if  you 


268 


ETIQUETTE  OF  PUBLIC  PLACES. 


think  he  needs  it.  If  the  driver  is  reckless,  you  can 
decline  to  go  again.  Ladies  should  learn  to  drive,  and 
drive  well.  The  universal  rule  is  to  ^'turn  to  the  right" 
on  meeting  another  carriage  when  driving,  and  it  must 
be  observed  by  every  one  to  avoid  collisions 

A  gentleman  should  wear  gloves  when  driving  with 
a  lady,  and  sit  at  her  right.  He  should  regard  her 
comrort  and  fears,  and  not  drive  so  as  to  spatter  mud 
on  her  clothes,  nor  destroy  her  pleasure  by  fast  or 
careless  driving.  The  object  should  be  to  give  her  all 
the  pleasure  possible,  and  her  wishes  should  always  be 
considered. 

When  one  gentleman  takes  out  another,  it  is  cus- 
tomary to  offer  him  the  reins,  but,  except  to  relieve  the 
host  for  a  time,  this  offer  should  not  be  accepted. 

A  gentleman  should  walk  to  a  lady's  house,  when 
he  accepts  an  invitation  to  ride  in  her  carriage,  unless 
she  volunteered  to  call  for  him.  In  the  latter  case  he 
should  be  ready  promptly,  and  not  cause  her  to  wait. 

ETIQUETTE  OF  TRAVELING. 

Traveling  is  in  these  days  almost  universal,  and  it 
has  a  very  great  educational  value.  To  mingle  with 
strangers  whose  habits,  modes  of  thought  and  surround- 
ings differ  from  one's  own,  has  a  broadening  influence 
on  the  mind,  and  is  better  than  reading  a  multitude  of 
books.  It  removes  prejudices,  awakens  new  ideas,  and 
sharpens  the  wits.  While  it  is  pleasanter  to  travel  with 
a  companion  it  is  often  inconvenient  to  do  so,  and  the 
proverbial  gallantry  of  Americans  to  women  makes  it 
possible  for  them  to  travel  anywhere  unattended,  and 
without  insult  if  they  are  lady-like  and  reserved  in 
manner.  Ladies  should  be  cautious  about  entering  into 
conversation  with  strange  gentlemen  when  traveling 
alone. 


ETIQUETTE  OF  PUBLIC  PLACES. 


269 


A  gentleman  who  escorts  a  lady  should  either  accom- 
pany her  to  the  depot  or  meet  her  there  early  enough  to 
secure  the  tickets  and  check  the  baggage  before  the 
train  starts.  He  should  obtain  the  best  seat  possible 
for  her  in  the  car,  see  that  her  packages  are  stowed 
away  without  inconveniencing  her,  and  that  she  is  com- 
fortably seated,  offering  her  the  choice  of  seats  if  he 
sits  beside  her.  During  the  journey  he  must  provide 
for  her  comfort  in  any  way  he  can,  help  her  in  changing 
cars,  and  so  on.  On  arriving  at  their  destination  he 
must  see  her  safely  in  the  company  of  her  friends  if 
they  are  expected  to  meet  her  ;  and  if  not,  he  must  see 
her  comfortably  seated  in  the  ladies'  waiting-room  while 
he  attends  to  her  baggage  and  secures  a  hack.  If  pos- 
sible, he  should  escort  her  to  the  house  to  which  she 
goes  ;  but  if  not,  he  should  give  explicit  directions  to 
the  hack-driver,  so  that  she  will  be  relieved  of  all  care. 
The  next  day  he  should  call  and  inquire  after  her 
health,  and  see  how  she  endured  the  journey.  It  is  the 
lady's  privilege  to  continue  the  acquaintance  or  not 
after  this,  but  no  further  favors  from  him  should  be 
asked  or  expected  if  he  is  dropped,  but  unless  his 
character  was  unexceptionable  he  should  not  have  been 
entrusted  with  the  care  of  a  lady. 

Hints  to  Ladies-  —  One  of  the  great  plagues  of 
traveling  is  the  preposterous  amount  of  baggage  which 
many  or  most  ladies  persist  in  carrying  with  them. 
Experienced  travelers  learn  to  dispense  with  unneces- 
sary luggage.  Especially  avoid  carrying  numerous 
packages.  Put  everything  in  your  trunks  except  the 
few  little  articles  you  may  need  on  the  journey,  and 
carry  those  in  a  hand-valise.  Ladies  traveling  alone 
will  do  well  to  observe  the  following  rules  :  Study  your 
route  before  starting  on  your  journey,  and  learn  the 
names  of  the  hotels  where  you  wish  to  stop    Get  to 


270 


ETIQUETTE  OF  PUBLIC  PLACES. 


the  depot  in  ample  time  to  purchase  tickets  and  check 
your  trunks  before  the  train  starts.  Do  not  trust  a 
stranger  to  buy  your  tickets  or  check  your  trunks,  but 
attend  to  it  yourself.  Carry  money  enough  to  provide 
for  any  emergency,  but  keep  most  of  it  in  an  inside 
pocket  out  of  sight.  Do  not  wear  much  jewelry.  Be 
suspicious  of  over-officious  strangers.  If  you  want 
information  about  changing  cars,  checking  baggage, 
etc.,  inquire  of  the  conductor.  It  is  his  business  to 
give  such  information,  and  he  will  always  assist  you. 
Make  the  inquiries  some  time  in  advance,  however, 
instead  of  waiting  until  the  last  minute.  Avoid  chang- 
ing cars  in  the  night  when  possible.  Do  not  get  fidgety 
or  fussy,  and  keep  cool  and  self-possessed  at  all  times. 
If  you  take  a  sleeping-car  engage  your  seat  the  day 
before  you  start,  and  so  obtain  the  choice  of  berths. 

A  coat,  valise  or  other  article,  left  in  a  seat,  reserves 
it  for  the  owner,  and  ladies  should  respect  this  rule  as 
well  as  gentlemen.  No  lady  can  demand  a  seat  which 
is  occupied  by  a  gentleman,  but  most  gentlemen  will 
offer  their  seats  rather  than  see  a  lady  stand.  If  the 
car  is  crowded  do  not  attempt  to  hold  more  than  one 
seat,  as  that  is  all  that  your  ticket  entitles  you  to.  A 
selfish  effort  to  secure  your  own  comfort  without  regard 
to  the  convenience  of  others  is  very  ill-bred.  A  lady 
traveling  alone  must  be  as  self-reliant  as  possible,  and 
any  attempt  at  familiarity  by  the  other  sex  will  be 
repelled  with  dignity  ;  but  a  mere  offer  of  assistance 
when  it  is  needed,  is  perfectly  proper,  and  should  be 
acknowledged  with  thanks.  There  is  a  golden  mean 
between  a  haughty  and  selfish  exclusion  on  the  one 
hand,  and  undue  familiarity  on  the  other,  and  a  lady 
with  tact  will  readily  see  how  to  act. 

Elderly  ladies  who  have  had  experience  as  travelers 
should  be  especially  kind  and  helpful  to  younger  ladies 


ETIQUETTE  OF  PUBLIC  PLACES. 


271 


without  escorts.  The  latter  need  to  be  particular  not 
to  accept  any  favors  from  unknown  gentlemen,  except 
such  slight  attentions  as  may  with  propriety  be  offered 
by  any  stranger.  Courtesies  extended  while  traveling 
do  not  warrant  any  future  acquaintance,  unless  it  is 
mutually  desired.  Dress  plainly  and  comfortably.  Any 
attempt  at  display  is  in  bad  taste.  (See  our  article  on 
"Dress.") 

Ladies  who  have  escorts  should  give  them  as  little 
trouble  as  possible.  They  do  not  burden  them  with  many 
packages,  nor  harrass  them  with  foolish  fears.  If  they 
are  nervous  they  should  try  not  to  show  it.  The  escort 
may  be  supplied  in  advance  with  enough  money  to  pay  all 
expenses,  or  the  amount  needed  to  buy  tickets,  etc.,  may 
be  given  him  when  required  ;  or  if  he  prefers  he  may 
defray  all  expenses  and  the  bill  may  be  all  settled  at 
once  at  the  end  of  the  journey,  but  in  this  case  an  exact 
account  should  be  kept. 

On  steamboats  ladies  may  make  themselves  as  com- 
fortable as  possible.  No  attention  should  be  accepted 
from  strange  gentlemen,  however,  except  the  most  ordin- 
ary courtesies.  If  they  need  any  assistance  in  walking,  or 
for  anything  else,  it  is  better  to  call  on  some  of  the 
attendants  than  to  rely  on  strangers.  During  the 
monotony  of  long  voyages  one's  good  nature  should  be 
maintained.  To  give  way  to  irritability  and  peevish- 
ness destroys  the  comfort  of  others,  and  is  thoughtless 
and  ill-bred. 

Hints  to  Gentlemen. — It  is  the  duty  of  a  gentleman 
to  regard  the  comfort  of  a  lady  who  may  be  without  an 
escort.  He  may  raise  or  lower  a  window,  get  her  a  glass 
of  water,  help  her  with  her  baggage,  or  otherwise  pro- 
vide for  her  comfort. 

To  crowd  and  scramble  for  tickets  shows  a  lack  of 
politeness. 


272 


ETIQUETTE  OF  PUBLIC  PLACES. 


No  one  has  a  right  to  keep  a  window  open  when  the 
draft  annoys  or  perils  the  health  of  another. 

No  gentleman  will  selfishly  look  out  for  his  own 
comfort  to  the  disregard  of  others'  convenience.  Neither 
will  he  be  over-civil  and  too  apparently  anxious  to  assist 
others,  especially  ladies.  Assist  them  when  they  appear 
to  need  it,  otherwise  do  not  intrude  upon  them. 

Do  not  crowd  or  push  when  entering  or  leaving  the 
cars,  and  do  not  rush  to  the  eating-room  and  swallow 
your  food  like  a  half-starved  boy.  There  is  usually 
time  enough  to  be  cool  and  gentlemanly. 

If  a  lady  offers  to  seat  herself  beside  a  gentleman 
he  should  rise  and  give  her  the  choice  of  seats.  While 
a  lady  cannot  demand  a  gentleman's  seat,  most  men  will, 
if  the  car  is  full,  surrender  their  seat  rather  than  see  a 
lady  stand. 

A  coat,  valise,  or  other  article  left  in  a  seat,  secures 
it  for  the  owner. 

Don't  read  in  the  cars — it  will  weaken  the  eyes. 
This  at  least  is  true  of  cars  which  rock  and  jolt  a  great  deal ; 
but  the  modern  drawing-room  cars  are  almost  as  quiet  as 
one's  own  parlor,  and  to  these  the  rule  does  not  apply. 

Don't  spit  or  throw  apple  or  orange  peelings,  or 
bananna  skins  or  peanut  shucks  on  the  floor  of  the  car. 
Spit  in  a  spitoon,  and  throw  refuse  out  of  the  window. 
Don't  swear,  smoke  or  talk  boisterously  in  the  presence 
of  ladies.  Don't  sprawl  your  feet  in  the  aisle,  nor 
embrace  your  lady  companion,  nor  interfere  with  ("your 
neighbors. 

Assistance  rendered  a  lady  when  traveling  gives  no 
claim  for  further  recognition. 

MANNERS  IN  STREET  CARS,  OMNIBUSSES,  ETC. 

Don't  stand  on  the  platform  and  obstruct  the  entrance 
or  exit  of  ladies.    It  is  very  disagreeable  for  them  to  be 


ETIQUETTE  OF  PUBLIC  PLACES. 


273 


forced  to  squeeze  by  a  lot  of  loafers  when  entering  or 
leaving  a  car. 

Don't  stretch  your  legs  out  into  the  way  of  those 
going  in  or  out. 

Don't  crowd  or  jostle  others. 

Don't  occupy  more  space  than  you  need  in  crowded 
cars. 

If  you  think  a  hack  driver  is  charging  more  than 
the  lawful  fare,  it  is  better  to  take  his  number  and 
report  him  to  the  authorities  than  to  quarrel  with  him 
in  the  street,  especially  if  you  are  accompanied  by  a 
lady. 

Gentlemen  politely  offer  their  seats  to  ladies  when 
no  others  are  vacant.  The  lady  (!)  who  will  take  a 
seat  thus  surrendered  without  thanks  for  the  courtesy 
(we  regret  that  there  are  such),  is  very  rude. 

Young  ladies  should  give  place  to  the  aged,  infirm 
or  over-burdened,  and  young  men  shoulo  extend  courte- 
sies to  the  old.  Kespect  for  age  and  infirmity  is  always 
a  mark  of  good  breeding. 

Gentlemen,  though  strangers,  may  assist  ladies  to 
enter  or  alight  from  omnibusses  or  street  cars.  They 
may  also  pass  up  the  fare  and  save  the  lady  from  rising 
to  her  feet. 

Any  attempt  at  familiarity  with  strangers  or  to 
"scrape  acquaintance,"  indicates  very  ow  breeding. 

A  heated  discussion  of  politics  or  religion  in  a  public 
conveyance  is  ill-bred. 

CONDUCT  AT  HOTELS. 

Hints  to  Ladies. — On  going  unattended  to  a  hotel, 
*you  should  enter  by  the  ladies'  entrance  and  go  to  the 
parlor.    Send  for  the  clerk  and  explain  to  him  what 
accommodations  you  want,  and  how  long  you  expect 
to  stay.    When  you  go  to  your  meals  dress  simply, 


274 


ETIQUETTE  OF  PUBLIC  PLACES. 


as  a  showy  costume  is  in  bad  taste.  A  waiter  will 
meet  you  at  the  door  of  the  dining-room  and  escort 
you  to  your  seat,  if  requested  to  do  so,  and  thus 
relieve  you  of  the  embarrassment  of  crossing  the  room 
alone.  A  sign  or  nod  will  attract  the  notice  of  the 
waiter,  and  then  state  your  wants  in  a  low  and  distinct 
voice.  Loud  talk  or  laughter,  or  any  criticism  of  others 
at  a  hotel  table,  is  very  rude.  (For  the  etiquette  of  the 
table  see  our  article  on  table  manners. )  It  is  better  to 
have  the  meal  sent  to  your  room  than  to  eat  in  the 
dining-room  very  late  in  the  evening,  without  an  escort. 

A  lady  should  take  no  large  sewing,  nor  anything  that 
will  create  a  litter,  into  the  parlor.  Everything  of  that 
kind  should  be  confined  to  her  own  room.  Do  not  play 
on  the  piano  in  a  public  parlor  unless  you  are  invited  to 
do  so.  It  will  interrupt  others  who  wish  to  talk,  and  if 
there  are  cultivated  people  present  it  will  be  very 
unpleasant  for  them  to  listen  to  the  music,  unless  it  is 
really  fine.  Certainly  it  is  very  bold  and  rude  to  thrust 
one's  self  forward  uninvited. 

Many  people  do  not  like  dogs,  so  do  not  take  your 
pet  lap-dog  or  poodle  into  the  hotel  parlor,  or  where  it 
will  interfere  with  others  when  it  can  be  avoided. 

A  newspaper  may  be  carried  to  the  breakfast  table, 
but  it  is  not  well-bred  to  carry  a  novel  to  a  hotel  table. 
Newspapers  or  books  found  in  the  hotel  parlors  should 
not  be  carried  to  one's  own  room. 

Try  and  get  a  pleasant  room,  that  will  admit  the 
sunlight  and  air,  as  it  will  add  to  your  comfort. 

If  you  notice  that  the  dress  of  another  lady,  though 
a  stranger,  is  out  of  order — as,  for  instance,  that  a 
brooch  is  unfastened,  or  a  collar  falling  off,  or  a  shawl 
dragging  on  the  floor — politely  call  her  attention  to  it 
and,  if  need  be,  assist  her  to  rectify  it.  While  it  is  best 
to  exercise  prudence  in  making  acquaintances  among 


ETIQUETTE  OF  PUBLIC  PLACES.  275 

strangers,  it  is  not  best  to  repel  or  rebuff  all  overtures 
from  others.  To  do  so  beti'ays  ignorance  of  the  world, 
and  even  rudeness  often.  Any  assumption  of  superiority 
isTulgar,  and  is  only  attempted  by  snobs.  An  acquaint- 
ance formed  at  a  hotel  ends  there,  unless  it  is  mutually 
desired  to  continue  it,  so  that  overtures  from  other  ladies 
should  be  received  in  a  friendly  spirit. 

If  you  wish  to  see  any  one  who  is  staying  at  the 
hotel,  send  your  card  to  his  or  her  room  by  a  waiter. 

A  lady  who  is  about  going  up-stairs  should  draw  back 
and  allow  a  gentlemen  who  is  going  up  at  the  same  time 
to  precede  her.    In  going  down  she  does  the  same. 

If  you  have  money  or  valuable  jewels,  hand  them  to 
the  proprietor,  that  he  may  put  them  in  his  safe,  instead 
of  keeping  them  in  your  room.  Lock  the  door  of  your 
room  when  you  go  out,  and  keep  your  trunks  and  valises 
locked. 

While  staying  at  a  hotel  ladies  pass  in  and  out  at 
the  ladies'  entrance  only,  and  not  at  the  general  entrance. 
They  do  not  linger  in  the  halls  or  lounge  in  the  parlors, 
and  any  coarseness  of  manner  is  as  much  out  of  place 
in  a  hotel  as  in  a  drawing-room. 

If  a  carriage  is  wanted,  ring  for  a  servant  and  have 
him  bring  it  to  the  ladies'  entrance. 

A  lady  who  is  stopping  at  a  hotel  alone  should  wear 
the  most  modest  and  inconspicuous  dress  appropriate  to 
the  time  of  day. 

Servants  will  usually  attend  to  your  wants  promptly, 
but  if  they  are  rude  or  neglectful  it  is  better  to  report 
them  to  the  proprietor  than  to  scold  them.  A  fee  to 
those  who  serve  you  the  most  will  stimulate  them  to 
greater  attention.  In  traveling,  especially,  money 
secures  the  comforts  and  attentions  which  without  it 
cannot  be  obtained.  If  you  want  any  information  about 
the  route  to  take,  or  the  trains,  or  anything  connected 


276 


ETIQUETTE  OF  PUBLIC  PLACES- 


with  your  journey,  do  not  hesitate  to  ask  questions,  but 
apply  to  the  hotel  clerk  or  the  servants  in  preference  to 
strangers  or  guests. 

When  you  wish  to  leave  the  hotel,  or  resume  your 
journey,  have  your  trunks  packed  and  be  ready  to  start  in 
ample  time  to  avoid  all  hurry  and  the  confusion  and 
mistakes  which  result  therefrom.  When  the  baggage  is 
packed  the  servants  should  carry  it  all  to  the  hack,  as 
the  lady  is  not  expected  to  burden  herself  with  it. 

ETIQUETTE  OF  SHOPPING. 

The  purchasing  of  articles  to  supply  the  wants  of 
life  devolves  on  every  one,  and  the  display  of  courtesy 
while  trading  should  be  considered  as  important  as  it  is 
when  visiting,  or  attending  a  ball.  One  who  is  really 
well-bred  is  always  polite. 

If  you  are  merely  looking,  without  any  intention  of 
buying,  frankly  tell  the  clerk  so.  He  will,  in  most  cases, 
show  you  his  goods  just  as  readily,  in  the  hope  that  you 
will  return  again  and  buy.  To  stand  behind  a  counter 
all  day  long  and  try  to  suit  the  tastes  and  humor  the 
whims  of  all  classes  of  people  is  very  tiresome  and 
trying.  If  you  are  polite  to  the  clerk  he  will  appreciate 
it,  for  his  feelings  are  as  sensitive  as  those  of  other 
people. 

Do  not  "  beat  down  "  the  prices.  If  you  are  dissat- 
isfied with  the  price  and  think  it  too  high,  you  can  go 
elsewhere  to  buy. 

Do  not  offer  comments  on  goods  which  a  clerk  is 
showing  to  another  customer,  nor  interfere  in  any  way 
with  the  trade.  Do  not  take  hold  of  a  piece  of  goods 
which  is  being  examined  by  another,  but  wait  until  she 
is  through,  when  the  clerk  will  show  it  to  you. 

To  treat  a  poorly-dressed  customer  rudely  is  very 
snobbish. 


ETIQUETTE  OF  PUBLIC  PLACES. 


277 


If  you  meet  a  friend  in  a  store,  do  not  interrupt  her, 
but  wait  until  she  has  completed  her  purchase  if  you 
wish  to  talk  with  her.  When  trading,  do  not  stop  and 
talk  with  a  friend,  and  so  waste  the  time  of  the  clerk 
and  detain  other  customers.  Never  offer  your  opinion 
or  advice  about  goods  unasked. 

Ask  the  clerk  to  "please  show"  you  the  article  you 
want,  or  use  some  other  polite  form  of  request,  instead 
of  rudely  or  abruptly  calling  for  it.  Do  not  sneer  at 
or  depreciate  the  goods  you  are  looking  at,  nor  draw 
offensive  comparisons  between  them  and  those  to  be 
seen  at  some  other  store. 

Do  not  give  clerks  any  unnecessary  trouble,  and  do 
not  tumble  over  a  lot  of  goods  you  do  not  wish  to  buy. 
Be  very  careful  not  to  injure  the  goods  you  examine. 
Do  not  expect  a  clerk  to  leave  another  customer  to  wait 
on  you,  as  ^' first  come  first  served"  is  the  rule.  Be 
honest  with  the  clerks  if  you  wish  them  to  be  honest 
with  you. 

Loud  and  boisterous  talk  or  laughter,  whispering 
with  the  clerk  or  friends,  lounging  on  the  counter, 
crowding  other  customers  or  criticising  their  appearance 
or  manner,  are  all  very  rude. 

If  you  make  many  purchases,  avoid  loading  yourself 
with  bundles  by  having  them  sent  to  your  home,  but  it 
is  snobbish  and  inconsiderate  to  ask  the  merchant  to 
deliver  little  articles  which  you  could  just  as  well  carry 
yourself. 

If  you  discover  any  mistake,  return  at  once  and  have 
it  rectified.  Do  not  insinuate  that  any  dishonesty  was 
intended,  for  that  would  be  the  grossest  insult.  Mer- 
chants are  always  anxious  to  recitfy  mistakes.  If  a 
mistake  is  in  your  favor  you  should  be  just  as  particular 
to  have  it  righted  as  when  it  is  against  you,  as  it  would  be 
dishonest  to  knowingly  keep  goods  you  had  not  paid  for. 


278 


ETIQUETTE  OF  PUBLIC  PLACES. 


CONDUCT  AT  CHURCH. 

Churches  are  dedicated  by  those  who  build  them  to 
the  worship  of  God.  The  congregation  attends  with  a 
devout  and  reverent  spirit,  and  those  who  entertain  a 
different  faith,  or  who  regard  all  religion  with  indiffer- 
ence, should  carefully  refrain  from  doing  anything  to 
wound  the  sensibilities  of  the  worshipers.  To  scoff  at 
or  wilfully  violate  the  observances  of  any  church  while 
attending  its  services,  betrays  a  nature  utterly  coarse 
and  ill-bred. 

Attend  early,  as  it  disturbs  others  to  go  in  late.  All 
well-conducted  churches  have  ushers  to  seat  strangers, 
so  that  if  you  are  a  visitor  you  should  wait  in  the 
vestibule  until  the  usher  offers  to  show  you  a  seat. 
Gentlemen  remove  their  hats  on  entering  the  church. 

It  has  been  the  rule  that  a  gentleman  accompanying 
a  lady  to  church  should  precede  her,  or  walk  by  her 
side,  up  the  aisle  to  the  pew  indicated  by  the  usher, 
when  he  should  bow  slightly  and  allow  her  to  enter 
first;  but  many  well-bred  people  now  insist  that  the 
lady  should  precede  her  escort.  They  walk  up  the  aisle 
deliberately  and  without  any  appearance  of  haste.  The 
lady  always  takes  the  inside,  and  the  gentleman  the 
outside  seat. 

Strangers  taking  a  vacant  pew  should  go  to  the 
further  end,  to  allow  room  for  others  who  may  come 
later.  A  gentleman  does  not  now  step  into  the  aisle  to 
allow  ladies  who  are  strangers  to  enter  the  pew,  but  he 
retains  his  seat  beside  the  lady  he  escorts,  moving 
along  to  make  room  for  new-comers.  The  place  for  the 
gentleman's  hat  is  under  the  seat,  when  there  is  room 
for  it  in  that  place. 

Comply  as  far  as  possible  with  the  ceremonies 
observed  by  the  congregation,  kneeling,  rising,  sitting, 


ETIQUETTE  OF  PUBLIC  PLACES. 


279 


and  so  on,  when  they  do,  if  you  are  attending  a  church 
of  a  different  denomination  from  your  own. 

A  gentleman  who  accompanies  a  Roman  Catholic 
lady  to  a  church  of  her  own  faith,  may  offer  her  the 
holy  water  with  his  ungloved  right  hand. 

If  anything  strikes  you  as  grotesque  or  absurd,  let 
no  smile  or  remark  indicate  your  feelings  to  others 
while  in  the  church.  Always  maintain  a  quiet  and 
decorous  manner  in  a  place  of  worship.  Do  not  drum 
nor  make  any  noise  with  the  feet  or  hands,  nor  whisper 
nor  laugh.  Do  not  turn  around  to  stare  at  others  or 
watch  the  choir.  Do  not  appear  anxious  to  see  who  is 
coming  in,  nor  closely  scrutinize  the  clothes  of  others, 
nor  be  diverted  by  any  little  noise. 

Books  or  fans  should  be  passed  quietly,  and  accepted 
or  declined  by  a  simple  gesture  of  the  head. 

If,  on  entering  a  church,  you  see  a  stranger  waiting, 
you  may  invite  him  to  enter  your  pew  if  you  have  room. 
Courteously  see  that  a  stranger  is  provided  with  books, 
and  indicate  the  place  of  the  day's  reading,  if  he  seems 
unacquainted  with  the  service.  If  you  have  no  separate 
book,  you  may  offer  to  share  your's  with  him.  It  is  not 
necessary  to  speak  in  passing  a  book  or  fan,  as  a  bow  is 
sufficient. 

Ladies  do  not  remove  their  gloves  at  church,  except 
to  use  holy  water,  or  the  glove  of  the  right  hand  at 
communion. 

Enter  the  church  as  quietly  as  possible  if  you  are 
unavoidably  late,  so  that  you  will  not  disturb  others. 
It  is  often  best,  in  such  cases,  to  take  a  seat  near  the 
door. 

Except  in  case  of  necessity,  do  not  leave  the  church 
until  the  services  are  over.  Do  not  begin  preparing  to 
leave  until  after  the  benediction  is  pronounced.  At  the 
conclusion  of  the  services  leave  the  room  quietly.  Do 


280 


ETIQUETTE  OF  PUBLIC  PLACES. 


not  stop  in  the  aisle  to  converse  with  acquaintances  and 
so  obstruct  the  exit  of  others. 

Friends  should  exchange  greetings  in  the  vestibule. 
Loud  or  boisterous  talk  or  laughter  is  always  ill-bred  in 
such  a  place. 

For  several  men,  young  or  old,  to  gather  in  the 
vestibule  or  on  the  steps  of  a  church  and  stare  at  or 
comment  on  the  ladies  who  pass,  is  a  practice  that  none 
but  boors  or  buffoons  will  engage  in.    Don't  do  it. 

Those  who  visit  a  church  merely  to  see  it,  should 
go  when  no  services  are  being  held.  If,  however, 
worshipers  are  present,  engaged  in  their  devotions  (as 
often  happens  in  Roman  Catholic  churches),  care  should 
be  taken  not  to  disturb  them. 

CONDUCT  AT  OPEEAS,  THEATRES  AND  PUBLIC  HALLS. 

"When  a  gentleman  invites  a  lady  to  attend  the 
theatre,  opera  or  other  public  amusement  with  him,  he 
should  send  her  an  invitation  a  day  or  two  in  advance. 
If  but  slightly  acquainted  with  her  the  invitation  may 
be  formal,  written  in  the  third  person,  and  sent  by  a 
messenger,  or  by  mail.  The  following  is  the  usual 
form  : 

Mr.  Horace  Howard  requests  the  honor  {or 
pleasure)  of  Miss  Mary  Brown's  company  for  the 
opera  of  "  JZ  Trovatore,''^  on  Thursday  evening, 
October  tenth,  at  the  Columbia  Theatre. 

The  lady  should  answer  the  note  immediately,  and 
either  accept  or  decline  positively,  so  that  the  gentle- 
man can  make  his  arrangements  accordingly,  and  her 
answer  should  be  worded  after  the  form  and  in  the 
spirit  of  the  invitation.    The  following  is  the  form  : 


ETIQUETTE  OE  PUBLIC  PLACES. 


281 


Miss  Mary  Broicn  accepts  ivith  pleasure  Mr. 
Horace  Hoicarcl's  polite  (or  kincT)  invitation  for 
the  opera  ^'11  Trovatore."  on  Thursday  evening, 
October  tenth. 

Or,  if  the  invitation  is  declined,  use  the  following 
form  : 

Miss  Brown  regrets  that,  owing  to  a  previous 
engagement  (or  ichatever  the  reason  may  be),  she 
cannot  have  the  jjJeasure  of  accepting  Mr.  Horace 
HowarrVs  kind  (or  polite^  invitation  for  the  opera 
"JZ  Trovatore,''  on  Thursday  evening,  October 
tenth. 

If  the  invitation  was  sent  by  a  messenger,  send  the 
reply  by  messenger  also  ;  if  by  mail,  reply  by  mail. 

The  gentleman  should  know  that  the  invitation  is  a 
compliment,  and  the  lady  should  receive  it  as  snch,  and 
accept  or  decline  with  thanks.  Terbal  invitations 
should  be  simple  and  direct,  and  free  from  high  sound- 
ing phrases. 

If  the  gentleman  is  but  slightly  acquainted  with  the 
lady,  or  knows  that  she  is  being  chaperoned  (^see  onr 
article  on  Chaj^erons i,  his  invitation  shonld  include 
the  chaperon  also,  and  three  tickets  should  be  procnred. 
As  the  enjoyment  of  the  occasion  will  depend  largely 
upon  being  able  to  see  and  hear  well,  the  gentleman 
shonld  procure  good  seats  in  advance.  He  can  then 
select  a  desirable  location,  and  avoid  the  crowding  and 
delay  to  which  he  will  be  liable  if  he  waits  to  purchase 
his  tickets  on  entering.  If  the  night  is  stormy,  and  it 
is  an  entertainment  like  an  opera,  at  which  the  lady 
expects  to  dress  elaborately,  a  carriage  sliould  be 
secured.  Young  men  of  wealth  will  almost  always  call 
in  a  carriage  for  the  lady,  whatever  the  weather.  There 
is  a  large  class  of  intelligent  young  men,  however,  who 


282 


ETIQUETTE  OF  PUBLIC  PLACES. 


are  just  starting  in  life,  and  whose  salaries  are  small 
and  their  means  limited,  to  whom  the  expense  o£  a 
carriage  is  quite  an  item.  Many  such  who  are  too 
proud  to  go  without  a  carriage,  and  who  are  too  poor  to 
go  "  in  style,"  stay  away  from  amusements  entirely,  or 
go  alone,  and  so  they  and  their  lady  friends  lose  much 
innocent  pleasure.  The  great  mass  of  sensible  young 
ladies  whose  parents  are  in  only  comfortable  circum- 
stances, understand  a  young  man's  position  perfectly, 
and  do  not  expect  a  carriage.  They  are  glad  to  go  on 
the  street  cars,  which  run  so  frequently  in  all  our  cities, 
and  no  hack  is  needed  except  at  those  entertainments 
where  a  fine  dress  is  worn,  which,  in  stormy  weather, 
of  course,  would  be  injured  without  the  protection  of  a 
carriage. 

Arrive  at  the  hall  before  the  entertainment  begins, 
as  it  is  very  rude  to  go  in  late  and  so  disturb  others. 
The  gentleman  should  get  programmes  on  entering  the 
hall,  or  if  it  is  an  opera  he  should  get  a  libretto  for  the 
lady.  In  walking  up  the  aisle  to  the  seats,  the  gentle- 
man either  precedes  or  walks  by  the  side  of  the  lady, 
but  on  reaching  them  the  lady  enters  first  and  the 
gentleman  takes  the  one  nearest  the  aisle.  A  gentleman 
does  not  yield  his  seat  to  any  other  lady,  as  his  sole 
duty  is  to  the  one  whom  he  escorts.  His  place  is  by 
her  side  during  the  evening,  chatting  between  the  acts 
and  trying  to  make  the  evening  pleasant  for  her.  It  is 
almost  needless  to  say  that  to  go  out  between  the  acts 
"  to  see  a  man  "  and  come  back  with  the  breath  redolent 
with  cloves,  is  an  insult  to  the  lady.  At  a  promenade 
concert  the  lady  may  be  invited  to  promenade  during 
the  intermission,  but  if  she  declines  the  gentleman  must 
retain  his  seat  by  her  side. 

Gentlemen  who  find  it  necessary  to  pass  before  ladies 
at  theatres,  concerts  or  other  public  places,  should  turn 


ETIQUETTE  OF  PUBLIC  PLACES. 


283 


their  faces  toward  them  and  beg  pardon  for  causing 
them  disturbance. 

Perfect  quiet  should  be  maintained  during  the  per- 
formance, and  the  attention  should  be  fixed  on  the 
stage.  To  whisper  or  do  anything  during  the  enter- 
tainment to  disturb  or  distract  the  attention  of  others, 
is  rude  in  the  extreme.  It  is  proper  to  applaud,  when 
pleased,  as  that  encourages  and  gratifies  the  performers, 
but  do  not  stamp  with  the  feet — to  clap  the  hands  is 
much  better.  During  the  intermissions  it  is  in  order  to 
converse  in  a  low  tone,  but  loud  talk  or  laughter,  or 
displays  of  affection,  or  anything  to  arrest  the  attention 
of  others,  is  always  in  bad  taste  in  any  public  place. 
Chewing  gum,  eating  peanuts  or  anything  of  that  kind, 
is  very  vulgar. 

To  impudently  stare  at  another  through  an  opera 
glass  is  ill-bred,  but  a  general  survey  of  the  house  is 
proper. 

Do  not  make  a  noise  towards  the  close  of  the  per- 
formance by  gathering  the  things  together  preparatory 
to  leaving.  This  will  annoy  others,  and  is  therefore 
rude.  Wait  until  the  performance  closes  before  leaving 
the  hall  or  preparing  to  do  so. 

In  leaving  the  hall  the  gentleman  precedes  the  lady 
or  walks  by  her  side,  which  ever  will  best  shield  her 
from  the  jostling  of  the  crowd.  Avoid  all  pushing  or 
crowding  at  such  times. 

It  is  proper  to  invite  the  lady  to  refreshments  at 
the  close  of  the  performance  ;  and,  although  it  is  not 
obligatory,  it  is  often  a  flattering  attention. 

When  they  separate,  the  gentleman  asks  permission  to 
call  the  next  day,  which  is  granted,  of  course.  The  lady 
should  express  to  her  escort  the  pleasure  the  invitation 
has  given  her,  and  should  praise  rather  than  criticise 
the  performance. 


284 


ETIQUETTE  OF  PUBLIC  PLACES. 


CONDUCT  AT  CHURCH  FAIRS. 

At  church  fairs  and  bazaars  gentlemen  should  always 
remove  their  hats.  Loud  talk  or  laughter,  that  will 
attract  the  attention  of  others,  is  ill-bred.  Do  not  make 
any  unfavorable  comments  on  the  articles  you  see 
offered  for  sale,  as  the  donor  may  be  near  and  be  hurt 
by  the  remark  ;  neither  should  you  complain  of  the 
price  or  attempt  to  "beat  down."  The  price  may  be 
intentionally  high,  as  the  money  is  for  a  charity.  Praise 
any  good  features  you  may  see,  and  if  you  purchase  any 
article  you  may  donate  the  change  to  the  charity  if  you 
feel  so  inclined,  but  otherwise  you  need  not  do  so. 
Never  on  any  account  say  anything  that  will  interfere 
with  a  sale.  Ostentatious  displays  of  money  and 
extravagant  purchases  are  very  snobbish.  Enter  into 
the  spirit  of  the  occasion,  and  help  it  forward  as  much 
as  possible. 

Those  who  wait  on  the  tables  should  never  attempt 
to  retain  the  change  unless  it  is  voluntarily  donated  by 
the  purchaser.  Any  appearance  of  begging  is  in  bad 
taste;  and  so,  also,  is  it  to  importune  any  one  to  buy. 
Do  not  increase  the  price  for  the  purpose  of  extorting 
money  from  an  acquaintance.  Any  appearance  of  flirt- 
ing at  such  a  time  is  very  ill-bred.  In  short,  be  as 
polite  and  courteous  at  fairs  as  elsewhere. 

CONDUCT  AT  PICTURE  GALLERIES  AND  STUDIOS. 

When  visiting  picture  galleries  do  not  make  criti- 
cisms or  comments  on  the  pictures  to  attract  attention 
or  display  your  knowledge  of  art — you  will  be  much 
more  likely  to  show  your  ignorance.  Do  not  stand  in 
front  of  a  picture  so  as  to  obstruct  the  view  of  others  ; 
and  if  you  wish  to  converse  with  a  friend,  withdraw  to 


ETIQUETTE  OF  PUBLIC  PLACES. 


285 


one  side  where  you  will  be  out  of  the  way.  Do  not 
point  with  cane  or  umbrella  at  a  picture  or  statue,  and 
never  touch  one. 

An  artist's  studio  should  not  be  visited  except  by 
special  invitation  or  permission,  as  you  should  not  dis- 
turb him  at  his  work.  If  you  make  an  appointment 
to  sit  for  your  portrait  you  should  be  promptly  on  hand, 
as  a  delay  may  be  a  loss  to  him,  and  you  should  pay 
him  for  his  time.  As  many  artists  are  nervous  and 
easily  annoyed,  you  should  not  stand  behind  them  and 
watch  them  as  they  work.  Do  not  touch  or  disturb  the 
drapery  on  any  article  in  the  studio  nor  attempt  to 
examine  a  picture  that  is  covered,  or  which  has  its  face 
turned  toward  the  wall.  The  artist  will  exhibit  the 
picture  if  he  wants  it  seen.  Do  not  offer  extravagant 
praise,  as  it  will  disgust  instead  of  please  a  sensible 
person  ;  but  a  quiet  word  of  praise,  calling  attention  to 
a  real  merit,  will  cheer  and  encourage  the  worker. 
Never  criticise  or  disparage  the  paintings.  Do  not  ask 
the  prices  out  of  idle  curiosity  ;  but  if  you  wish  to  pur- 
chase, be  clear  and  business-like  in  your  negotiations. 
If  you  think  the  price  too  high,  you  may  give  your 
reason  and  state  what  you  are  willing  to  pay,  and  leave 
the  artist  to  accept  or  decline. 

Children  should  not  be  taken  to  artist's  studios. 
They  may  do  mischief  ;  and  if  not,  they  will  almost 
gertainly  annoy  the  artist.  Dogs,  also,  should  not  be 
taken  to  a  studio. 

A  lady  should  not  visit  an  artist's  studio  alone. 


SCHOOL-ROOM  ETIQUETTE. 


UEIXG  childliooci  a  large  part  of  the  time 
is  spent  in  the  school-room,  under  the 
influence  of  the  teacher.  The  characters 
and  habits  of  the  children  are  forming  at 
this  period,  and  many  of  those  in  the  public 
schools  have  very  little  instruction  at  home 
on  the  subject  of  politeness.  Teachers, 
therefore,  have  it  in  their  power  to  exercise 
a  very  powerful  influence  by  taking  pains 
to  teach  their  pupils  those  common  rules  of  etiquette 
which  would  often  be  a  benefit  in  all  after  life. 

A  teacher  always  gives  "  tone  "  to  the  school.  The 
pupils  must  be  treated  politely  if  they  are  expected  to 
be  polite.  Perfect  order  must  be  maintained  ;  and 
while  the  fewest  possible  rules  are  laid  down,  those 
which  are  made  should  be  explained  to  the  scholars,  and 
they  should  be  enforced. 

Pupils  should  be  taught  to  be  particular  about  their 
personal  appearance.  They  should  be  required  to  have 
their  faces  and  hands  clean,  their  hair  combed  and  their 
clothes  as  neat  as  possible.  Habits  thus  formed  may 
go  with  them  as  long  as  they  live.  The  school-room 
should  be  kept  as  neat  and  attractive  as  possible,  as 
that  will  make  the  children  more  anxious  to  appear 
well.  Have  a  mat  at  the  door,  and  require  them  to 
wipe  their  feet  on  entering  the  room  ;  and  also  teach 
them  to  open  and  shut  the  door  without  needless  noise, 

(287) 


m 


SCHOOL-ROOM  ETIQUETTE. 


and  to  enter  and  cross  the  room  quietly.  Pushing, 
crowding  and  hurrying  at  such  times  should  be  pro- 
hibited. 

Do  not  reprove  a  child  in  such  a  way  as  to  wound 
his  self-respect,  or  lower  him  in  the  eyes  of  the  other 
pupils,  if  it  can  be  avoided.  Children  often  err  through 
ignorance,  so  explain  to  them  patiently  what  to  do. 

A  quietly  expressed  approval  of  polite  acts,  and  an 
equally  quiet  reproof  of  rudeness,  will  soon  affect  the 
*'  tone  "  of  the  school. 

Bequire  the  pupils  to  treat  each  other  politely,  and 
do  not  allow  the  wealthy  scholars  to  treat  the  poor  ones 
disrespectfully  nor  ridicule  them.  Extend  no  special 
favors  to  the  children  of  the  rich. 

Never  speak  slightingly  of  a  child's  parents.  The 
effect  can  hardly  fail  to  be  bad  on  the  scholar.  Teach 
children  to  respect  their  parents,  and  assume  that  they 
would  be  displeased  at  any  wrong  conduct  of  the  child. 

Impress  on  the  children  that  rowdyism,  slang,  false- 
hood, selfishness,  profanity,  vulgarity  and  egotism  are 
unmanly  and  impolite,  and  will  lower  them  in  the  eyes 
of  all  right-minded  people. 

Do  not  allow  the  children  to  say  curtly  and  abruptly 
"yes,"  "no"  and  "what,"  while  in  the  school-room; 
but  require  them  to  say,  "  yes,,  ma'am,"  "  no,  sir," 
"what,  sir,"  and  so  on  ;  and  also  require  them  to 
address  you  as  "  Mr.  Brown,"  or  "  Miss  Jones,"  and 
never  as  "  teacher."  The  habit  of  saying  "  good  morn- 
ing "  and  good  night"  to  the  teacher  is  a  very  pleasant 
one,  and  can  usually  be  developed  in  the  school. 

Inspire  children  with  the  desire  to  be  polite  by  being 
polite.  Address  the  young  misses  as  "  Miss  Julia,"  or 
"Miss  Estey,"  and  the  young  boys  as  "Master  Thomas," 
etc.  Trifles  create  the  atmosphere  of  the  school,  and 
the  teacher  who  awakensi  the  pride  and  interest  of  her 


SCHOOL-EOOX  ETIQUETTE. 


289 


scholars,  and  stimulates  them  to  appear  Tvell,  may  feel 
confident  of  success. 

The  necessity  of  order  and  punctuality  will  be  felt 
all  through  life,  and  it  will  tend  to  start  children  aright 
to  require  them  to  keep  their  desks  in  order,  and  to  be 
punctual  in  their  attendance. 


ETIQUETTE  OF  THE  HOME. 


F  ALL  the  civilizing  influences  at  work  in 
the  world  marriage  is  the  most  powerful 
and  important.  Take  away  the  refining  and 
elevating  influences  of  the  home,  and  men 
would  soon  relapse  into  barbarism  ;  and  we 
are  convinced  that  while  good  manners  and 
politeness  are  demanded  in  society,  they 
are  equally  important  in  the  home  circle. 
Marriage  should  be  a  life-long  companion- 
ship, based  on  mutual  confidence  and  respect.  Perfect 
fidelity  to  each  other,  and  perfect  frankness  and  truth, 
will  strengthen  the  cords  of  love  ;  but  any  attempt  at 
deception  will  surely  weaken  the  ties  of  affection  and  sap 
the  foundation  of  wedded  happiness. 

Beware  of  confidantes,  and  let  no  one  wring  from 
you  the  secrets  of  your  married  life.  Whoever  speaks 
slightingly  or  disrespectfully  of  one's  life  mate  should 
be  set  down  as  a  dangerous  enemy,  and  as  such  system- 
atically shunned.  All  have  faults  and  eccentricities 
which  their  friends  must  wink  at  and  overlook,  but  no 
well-bred  man  or  woman  will  tell  to  others,  outside  the 
family,  the  foibles  which  should  be  covered  with  the 
mantle  of  love.  To  do  so  is  very  unwise,  and  betrays 
an  indifference  to  the  proprieties  of  life. 

Secure  a  home  of  your  own  at  the  earliest  moment 
practicable.  Any  one  familiar  with  boarding-house  life 
will  tremble  for  the  happiness  of  a  newly-married  couple 
who  begin  their  wedded  life  in  such  an  atmosphere. 
Such  houses  are  too  often  sepulchres  of  young  married 

(290) 


ETIQUETTE  OF  THE  HOME. 


291 


hopes.  Their  closets  are  filled  with  skeletons,  and  the 
ghosts  of  departed  happiness  stalk  chattering  through 
their  doors.  The  prying  eyes  and  the  gossipy,  meddle- 
some tongues  of  the  average  city  boarding-house  should 
be  shunned  like  a  plague.  Few  characters  are  sti'ong 
enough  to  withstand  the  demoralizing  influences  of  such 
environments.  For  young  people  to  begin  their  married 
life  by  boarding  with  the  parents  of  one  or  the  other  is 
much  better  than  to  live  in  a  boarding-house,  but  even 
this  is  not  so  pleasant  or  so  conducive  to  that  harmoniz- 
ing of  interests,  and  that  dependence  on  each  other, 
which  should  mark  the  first  few  months  of  married  life, 
as  it  is  to  found  a  new  home  and  live  together,  isolated, 
to  a  large  extent,  from  old  associations. 

Many  women  who  before  marriage  are  very  careful 
about  their  dress  and  appearance,  especially  when  a 
beau  is  expected,  relax  their  attentions  after  marriage 
and  become  careless  and  indifferent  about  their  dress 
and  personal  appearance.  No  woman  can  do  this  without 
running  the  risk  of  losing  her  husband's  regard.  To 
dress  well  in  societj^  and  carelessly  at  home,  indicates 
a  stronger  desire  to  make  a  favorable  impression  on 
other's  than  on  one's  husband.  Men  take  pride  in  the 
appearance  of  their  wives,  but  they  value  neatness  more 
than  flashiness,  so  that  a  clean  and  tidy  appearance  is 
all  that  is  really  needed  to  retain  their  admiration.  No 
true  wife  who  values  her  husband's  allegiance  should 
ever  dress  like  a  sloven  at  home. 

Another  thing  which  most  men  value  very  highly  is 
comfort,  and  a  bright  and  cheerful  home.  After  a  day  of 
toil  or  harassing  business  cares,  men  look  forward  to  the 
restfulness  of  home  at  its  close  with  quiet  delight. 
Women  make  the  home,  and  the  wife  who  makes  her 
own  so  attractive  that  her  husband  goes  to  it  with 
pleasure  and  leaves  it  with  regret,  has  learned  a  great 


292  ETIQUETTE  OF  THE  HOME. 

lesson  in  the  art  of  happy  and  successful  living,  while 
she  who  allows  the  charm  of  restfulness  and  comfort  to 
depart  from  her  rooms  is  risking  her  own  happiness  by- 
destroying  her  husband's,  for  one  writer  has  very  wisely 
said  that  to  make  a  husband  uncomfortable,  mentally  or 
physically,  is  the  unpardonable  sin  in  his  eyes. 

The  tongue  is  a  little  member,  but  it  should  be 
jealously  guarded.  Harsh  and  cutting  things  should 
not  be  said  after  marriage  any  more  than  before.  In 
cases  of  differences  of  opinion,  charity  and  tolerance 
should  be  shown,  within  the  family  as  much  as  without. 
Coarse  and  unrefined  conversation  can  never  be  indulged 
in  without  a  loss  of  respect  which  involves  a  loss  of 
influence  and  power.  Fits  of  temper  and  hysterics 
should  be  controlled  and  conquered,  as  they  are 
destructive  to  the  peace  of  the  family.  Any  deception 
of  one  by  the  other  will  destroy  all  faith  and  render  a 
perfect  union  impossible.  ^ 

In  money  matters  the  wife  should  be  economical  and 
prudent.  A  man  struggling  for  a  start  in  life  will  be 
handicapped  if  he  has  a  wasteful  and  extravagant  wife 
at  home,  while  a  prudent  and  judicious  wife  will  be  a 
real  helpmate,  encouraging  and  sustaining  him  in  his 
struggle.  To  contract  bills  without  the  husband's 
knowledge,  and  conceal  expenditures,  is  a  habit  that 
cannot  be  too  severely  condemned  and  will  in  the  end 
lead  to  disaster. 

The  husband  should  be  as  studiously  polite  when  at 
home  as  when  in  society.  In  fact,  no  man  can  be  a 
true  gentleman  without  being  habitually  polite  and 
considerate  at  home.  A  chivalrous  regard  for  his  wife, 
and  a  deference  to  her  wishes  and  comfort,  is  a  sure 
indication  of  refinement,  and  will  go  far  towards  holding 
her  love  and  allegiance.  His  own  personal  comfort 
should  be  cheerfully  sacrificed  to  her  happiness.  He 


ETIQUETTE  OF  THE  HOME. 


293 


should  take  her  to  social  gatherings  when  he  attends 
himself,  and  be  at  all  times  considerate  of  those  things 
which  will  give  her  pleasure.  His  evenings  should  be 
spent  at  home  and  in  her  society. 

Men  often  make  a  great  mistake  by  not  being  frank 
enough  with  their  v/ives  about  their  own  financial 
condition.  Very  few  women  will  spend  money  extrava- 
gantly if  they  know  their  husbands  are  not  able  to  afford 
it,  and  most  women  will  take  pride  in  keeping  their 
expenditures  within  their  income  if  they  only  know 
what  it  is.  A  husband,  by  giving  his  wife  his  confidence, 
and  arousing  within  her  a  sense  of  responsibility  at  the 
outset  of  married  life,  can  help  to  develop  her  character 
and  fit  her  for  her  work.  Do  not  interfere  with  her  in 
her  own  domain.  Praise  her  when  she  acts  wisely,  and 
she  will  take  pride  in  doing  her  best. 

In  governing  and  instructing  the  children  there 
should  be  perfect  harmony  between  the  parents.  Any 
clash  of  authority  and  allowing  the  children  to  appeal 
from  one  to  the  other  will  destroy  all  government,  and 
be  a  serious  detriment  to  the  children.  Perfect 
obedience  should  be  required,  and  a  firm,  but  uniform 
and  pleasant  manner  maintained  that  will  allow  their 
exuberant  spirits  much  liberty,  without  running  into 
license.  Children  are  quick  to  notice  and  imitate  their 
parents,  and  the  influence  of  example  is  often  more 
potent  than  words.  See,  therefore,  that  they  have  good 
examples  to  follow.  An  impious,  profane  or  vulgar 
thought  may  leave  a  stain  on  a  child's  character  that 
will  blot  it  for  years. 

The  period  of  courtship  is  the  period  of  romance. 
Love  throws  a  veil  over  its  object,  and  lends  it  a  peculiar 
charm.  It  is  a  great  pity  that,  in  after  life,  this  charm 
should  ever  be  broken.  What  sight  is  more  beautiful 
than  to  see  two  people  in  middle  or  later  life  manifest- 


294 


ETIQUETTE  OF  THE  HOME. 


ing  the  same  considerate  devotion  to  each  other  wMch 
marked  the  period  of  their  courtship  !  Even  when  the 
fuller  knowledge  of  after  years  reveals  the  fact  that  they 
are  not  in  all  points  adapted  to  each  other,  a  chivalrous 
politeness,  and  an  effort  to  please  each  other,  will  go 
far  towards  making  life  pleasant  and  endurable,  even  if 
it  does  not  restore  the  interest  and  zest  which  love  so 
generously  bestows  upon  its  victims  ;  while  a  coarse 
and  brutal  indifference  to  each  other's  happiness  will 
soon  wreck  any  home,  and  destroy  the  last  vestige  of 
that  joy  and  peace  to  lose  which  is  to  lose  one  of  the 
greatest  prizes  of  life. 

Those  who  are  blessed  with  children  cannot  be  too 
careful  in  their  early  training.  "  Whatever  care  is  used 
in  the  education  of  children,"  said  a  distinguished 
French  mother,  "  it  is  still  too  little  to  answer  the  end." 
The  manners,  the  morals  and  the  mental  endowments, 
should  all  be  carefully  considered.  We  shall  have  more 
to  say  about  the  manners  of  children  elsewhere  ;  but 
that  child  is  to  be  pitied  whose  opening  life  is  cast 
among  coarse  and  unintelligent  home  influences.  It 
is  an  old  saying,  that  great  men  have  exceptional 
mothers.  Kant,  in  his  old  age,  ascribed  to  his  mother 
all  the  good  that  was  in  him  ;  and  Cuvier  said  of  his 
mother,  ''I  used  to  draw  under  her  superintendence, 
and  read  aloud  books  of  history  and  general  literature. 
It  is  thus  that  she  developed  in  me  the  love  of  reading 
and  that  curiosity  for  all  things  which  was  the  main- 
spring of  my  life."  A  modern  writer  has  well  said, 
"The  mother  has  it  in  her  power  to  make  those  books 
that  her  riper  judgment  selects  as  suitable,  the  com- 
panions and  friends  of  her  children,  and  to  impress  on 
them  the  truths  found  in  their  pages,  by  conversing  with 
them  about  the  moral  lessons  or  the  intellectual  instruc- 
tion that  they  contain." 


THE  MANNERS  OF  CHILDREN. 


EEY  few  people  fully  realize  the  importance 
to  childreu  of  early  home  training.  The 
character  is  then  plastic  and  it  is  easily 
moulded.  Children,  like  the  young  of  all 
animals,  are  imitative,  and  if  they  can  only 
be  started  right  in  the  jonrney  of  life  they 
will  be  saved  much  trouble,  mortification 
and  suffering  in  later  years.  The  wise  men 
of  the  world  have  long  seen  this,  and  it  has 
found  expression  in  many  proverbs  and  say- 
ings that  we  might  quote  if  we  had  the  space.  "As  the 
twig  is  bent  the  tree  is  inclined"'  is  one  that  is  so  well 
known  that  it  is  almost  trite.  Train  up  a  child  in  the 
way  he  should  go,"  says  Solomon,  "  and  when  he  is  old 
he  will  not  depart  from  it."  Nor  can  this  training  ever 
begin  too  early.  A  clerg^'man  was  once  asked  by  a 
mother  when  she  should  begin  to  educate  her  child. 
"How  old  is  he?"  asked  the  clergyman.  Three  years," 
replied  the  mother.  "  Then  you  have  already  lost  three 
years."  was  the  answer.  Southey  says:  "If  easy  and 
graceful  manners  are  not  acquired  in  early  life,  they 
will  scarcely  ever  be  possessed  at  all;"  and  Ealph 
TTaldo  Emerson,  seeing  the  importance  of  good  manners, 
says:  "Give  a  boy  address  and  accomplishments  and 
you  give  him  the  mastery  of  palaces  and  fortunes 
wherever  he  goes." 

Those  children  are  very  fortunate  who  in  early  life 
are  trained  by  cultured  parents,  familiar  with  the  usages 
of  the  best  society;  but  those  who  are  denied  these 
advantages,  and  find  themselves  at  maturity  ignorant  of 

(2W5) 


296 


THE  MANNERS  OF  CHILDREN. 


those  forms,  need  not  despair,  as  patient  effort  will 
overcome  most  deficiencies  in  life. 

Children  should  never,  by  word  or  act,  be  taught 
two  sets  of  manners — one  for  company  and  the  other 
for  home.  Politeness  should  become  habitual  with  them 
at  all  times  and  in  all  places. 

A  child  should  be  taught  from  the  first  to  say 
"please,"  "thank  you;"  and  "what  ma'am"  and  "no 
ma'am,"  instead  of  the  abrupt  "yes  "  and  "no." 

Teach  a  child  early  the  value  of  prompt  obedience, 
but  harshness  should  not  be  resorted  to.  Parents  can 
be  firm  without  being  harsh. 

Children  should  be  taught  to  be  respectful  to  their 
parents  and  all  those  older  than  themselves ;  to  be  polite 
to  their  equals,  and  kind  and  thoughtful  to  those  weaker 
and  smaller  than  they  are.  To  take  advantage  of 
another's  weakness  is  to  show  the  spirit  of  a  bully,  and 
no  bully  can  be  a  gentleman. 

To  swear,  smoke  or  chew,  or  use  big  or  slangy 
words,  is  no  evidence  of  manliness,  although  many  boys 
think  it  is.    Impress  this  upon  them. 

One  child  should  not  ridicule  another  because  of  his 
poverty  or  deformity.  The  well-bred  will  protect  the 
weak,  be  attentive  to  the  deformed  and  courteous  to  the 
poor  and  ignorant. 

Teach  children,  in  playing,  to  play  a  fair  game,  to 
concede  the  rights  of  others,  and  to  keep  cool  and  main- 
tain their  tempers  even  when  imposed  upon.  That  is  a 
hard  lesson  to  learn,  but  the  child  who  learns  it  has 
mastered  one  of  the  greatest  lessons  of  life.  The  best 
guaranty  of  our  own  rights  would  be  for  all  to  respect 
the  rights  of  others,  and  he  who  can  keep  cool  in  trying 
moments  can  oftenest  control  the  situation. 

Children  should  early  learn  to  be  kind  to  animals. 

Don't  let  them  slam  doors,  clatter  around  the  house 


THE  MANNEES  OF  CHILDEEN. 


297 


in  heavy  boots,  or  shout  at  people  up  or  down  stairs.  A 
quiet  manner  is  an  especial  evidence  of  good  breeding. 
Don't  let  boys  wear  their  boots  in  the  house  or  run  in 
with  muddy  shoes.  Teach  them  while  young  to  wipe 
their  feet  before  entering  a  house. 

Perfect  neatness  in  dress  and  appearance  is  of  the 
first  importance,  and  cannot  be  too  earnestly  impressed 
upon  them,  as  many  children  are  naturally  slovenly  and 
careless  about  these  things. 

Do  not  encourage  children  in  gossip,  nor  allow  them 
to  say  mean  and  spiteful  things  about  their  playmates. 
Don't  let  them  boast  of  their  own  achievements,  and 
teach  them  the  importance  of  perfect  truthfulness. 

Boys  should  be  taught  deference  and  respect  for 
girls.  Chivalrous  treatment  of  women  is  an  American 
trait,  but  it  can  be  still  further  developed  by  proper 
training  of  the  young. 

To  interrupt  any  conversation  is  very  ill-bred,  but 
impetuous  children  are  generally  guilty  of  this  rudeness, 
and  they  should  be  early  broken  of  the  habit.  Also 
teach  them  not  to  ask  direct  personal  questions,  such  as, 
"Where  are  you  going?"  "What  have  you  got  in  that 
package  ?"  etc.,  and  not  to  manifest  too  much  curiosity 
about  the  affairs  of  others. 

Teach  boys  to  keep  their  hair  combed,  their  boots 
blacked,  their  finger-nails  clean  and  their  clothes  neat. 
These  habits,  if  early  formed,  will  follow  them  through 
life,  and  they  are  essential  to  gentlemen. 

Teach  children  not  to  stare  at  people;  not  to  meddle 
with  things  belonging  to  others  ;  not  to  look  over 
another's  shoulder  when  reading,  nor  into  their  letters, 
and  not  to  gaze  at  peculiarities  of  dress  and  appearance. 

An  habitual  tease  is  ill-bred. 

Break  children  of  all  the  little  offensive  personal 
habits,  such  as  picking  the  nose,  or  wiping  or  l)lowing 


298 


THE  MANNERS  OF  CHILDREN. 


it  with  the  fingers  (only  very  low-bred  people  do  that), 
or  scratching  the  head  or  any  part  of  the  person,  or 
cleaning  the  ears  or  finger-nails  in  public,  or  sprawling 
in  a  chair,  or  lounging  in  the  presence  of  others.  Teach 
them  to  suppress  a  yawn  when  in  the  presence  of  others, 
or  conceal  the  mouth  with  the  hand. 

It  shows  a  serious  lack  of  training  when  a  child  is 
allowed  to  speak  of  elderly  people  without  using  the 
prefix  "Mr.,"  "Mrs."  or  "Miss,"  as,  for  instance,  to  say 
that  "  Smith  said  so,"  instead  of  "  Mr.  Smith'  said  so." 

If  slovenliness  is  ill-bred  in  a  boy,  it  is  absolutely 
intolerable  in  a  girl.  Certainly  all  girls  should  be 
taught  to  have  the  clothing  which  is  unseen  as  neat  as 
that  which  is  seen. 

Have  girls  learn  early  what  to  do  with  their  hands 
when  in  company — that  is,  to  bring  them  together  in 
front  and  let  them  fall  naturally  into  position. 

To  be  prim  and  precise  is  not  to  be  graceful  and 
well-bred.  An  uncertainty  about  just  what  to  do  often 
makes  ladies  prim.  That  is  far  removed  from  the  easy, 
frank  and  cordial  manner  of  a  well-bred  person,  which 
only  comes  from  an  acquaintance  with  the  habits  of 
good  society  and  the  habitual  practice  of  good  manners. 

To  converse  well  is  a  great  accomplishment  for  a 
young  lady.  The  insipid  twaddle  indulged  in  by  many 
girls  is  very  stupid.  Men  may  endure  it,  but  they  never 
admire  it.  Wise  mothers  should  try  and  overcome  all 
such  faults  in  their  daughters,  and  inspire  them  with  an 
ambition  to  become  qualified  to  express  themselves 
clearly  and  well  on  the  topics  of  the  day,  for  women 
create  society  and  become  the  social  leaders. 

Teach  girls  the  vulgarity  of  any  approach  to  the 
"fast''  style  of  manners.  They  possess  no  charm 
superior  to  a  modest  air,  and  a  character  above  the 
breath  of  suspicion. 


THE  MANNERS  OF  CHILDREN. 


299 


Awaken  the  pride  of  children,  and  inspire  them  with 
ambition  to  appear  polite  and  well-bred. 

Do  not  scold  or  reprimand  children  in  the  presence 
of  strangers,  and  be  very  careful  not  to  punish  them 
unjustly. 

Children  should  not  be  allowed  to  visit  on  the  invita- 
tion of  other  children.  Invitations  should  come  from 
the  parents. 

Do  not  take  children  with  you  when  calling,  or 
attending  parties,  or  visiting  art  galleries,  or  when 
going  to  any  place  where  they  will  be  liable  to  disturb 
others. 

If  you  think  your  child  is  bright,  do  not  arouse  its 
vanity  by  trying  to  have  it  "show  off"  in  the  presence 
of  others.  Do  not  bring  a  child  into  the  drawing-room 
when  you  have  callers,  unless  they  ask  for  him,  and 
never  allow  a  child  to  handle  a  visitor's  jewelry,  or 
examine  ornaments  in  a  room  when  you  are  calling  or 
visiting  accompanied  by  one. 

And,  finally,  train  every  child  for  some  useful  occu- 
pation in  life.  Riches  are  uncertain,  and  incompetence 
is  the  first  cousin  of  crime.  Even  if  it  never  becomes 
necessary  for  the  child  to  earn  his  or  her  own  living, 
the  discipline  and  developement  of  character  which  comes 
from  such  training  will  be  an  inestimable  advantage. 

Our  increasing  knowledge  of  life  and  its  laws  is 
making  it  very  clear  that  all  our  faculties  are  developed 
by  use,  and  if  neglected  and  unused  they  become  feeble 
and  wither  away.  For  this  reason  parents  should  help 
their  children,  as  their  school  days  draw  to  a  close,  to 
select  some  employment  that  will  occupy  and  develop 
their  mental  life.  He  who  engages  in  no  business  or 
social  occupation  that  will  make  some  human  being 
happier  or  better,  is  leading  a  life  of  utter  selfishness — 
and  a  life  of  selfishness  is  a  life  of  sin.    There  is  no 


300 


THE  MANNEKS  OF  CHILDREN- 


truer  proverb  tlian  the  old  adage  that  "  Satan  finds  some 
mischief  still  for  idle  hands  to  do."  The  benefactors  of 
this  world  have  been  workers.  *'My  Father  worketh 
hitherto  and  I  work,^'  said  Christ.  Men  like  Franklin, 
and  Lincoln,  and  Grant,  and  women  like  Harriet  Marti- 
neau  and  Harriet  Beecher  Stowe,  and  scores  of  others 
who  have  left  their  imprint  on  their  nation  or  their  age, 
were  disciplined  and  developed  by  labor.  Would  you 
see  the  strong  and  honored  men  and  women  of  to- 
morrow ?  They  can  be  found  in  the  field  and  factory 
and  office  of  to-day,  gaining  that  patience  and  toughness 
of  mental  and  physical  fibre  which  does  noble  deeds  and 
conquers  success.  Still  further,  labor  will  relieve  any 
one  from  the  ennui  that  follows  in  the  footsteps  of  idle- 
ness. Labor  is  not  only  a  duty,  it  is  a  necessity  of  our 
nature,  and  in  the  end  it  ministers  to  our  spiritual 
growth.  Let  no  parent,  then,  encourage  a  child  to  look 
forward  to  a  life  of  idleness.  Life  is  a  school,  and  he 
who  lives  an  idle  life  misses  its  most  valuable  lesson. 


TABLE  MANNERS. 

Teach  children  to  be  punctual  at  meals.  As  soon 
as  they  are  old  enough  to  come  to  the  table  begin  to 
teach  them  to  eat  properly.  Show  them  how  to  take 
soup  noiselessly  from  the  side  of  a  spoon,  and  drill  them 
on  the  use  of  the  knife,  fork  and  spoon.  (See  our 
articles  on  those  subjects. )  Teach  them  how  to  use  the 
napkin,  and  to  wipe  their  mouths  both  before  and  after 
drinking.  Teach  them  how  to  break  a  potato  with  a 
fork,  as  in  refined  society  it  is  considered  ill-bred  to 
touch  it  with  a  knife.  Never  allow  them  to  dip  their 
bread  in  any  sauce,  nor  in  their  tea  or  coffee,  before 
eating  it.  Do  not  let  them  scrape  their  plates  clean 
with  bread — it  looks  as  though  they  were  hungry  for 


THE  3IAXXEES  OF  CHILDEEN 


301 


more.  Teacli  them  to  pass  a  pitcher  with  the  handle 
toward  the  one  to  whom  it  is  handed. 

Don't  let  them  tip  up  their  glasses  too  far,  or 
breathe,  or  gulp,  or  make  any  noise  when  drinking. 
Don't  let  them  drum  on  the  table,  nor  play  with  the 
napkin-ring.,  knife,  fork,  or  any  other  article  while 
waiting  to  be  served.  Teach  them  to  break  bread  instead 
of  cutting  it.  Teach  them  not  to  pick  out  the  largest 
slice  of  cake,  nor  take  ujd  one  biscuit  or  piece  of  bread 
and  then  exchange  it  for  another.  Teach  them  to  eat 
as  gi-eat  a  variety  of  food  as  possible,  as  in  after  years 
it  will  be  a  great  convenience  to  be  able  to  eat  the 
different  kinds  of  food  provided  at  meals.  Don't  let 
them  make  inquiries  about  what  is  coming,  nor  speak 
disparagingly  of  the  food  that  is  furnished. 

Teach  them  to  eat  fruit  gracefully,  and  to  use  the 
finger-bowls  properly  ;  that  is  to  dip  the  tips  of  the 
fingers  in  the  bowl  and  then  pass  them  gently  across 
-:he  mouth  while  wet,  and  then  to  wipe  both  fingers  and 
mouth  on  the  napkin— the  fruit  napkin  when  one  is 
provided. 

Don't  let  them  eat  too  fast  (hungry  children  are  in 
danger  of  this  ) ;  nor  eat  with  one  hand  and  pass  a  dish 
with  the  other  ;  nor  read  at  the  table  ;  nor  talk  or  laugh 
with  the  mouth  full. 

Teach  childi'en  never  to  leave  the  table  with  the 
mouth  full,  or  at  any  time  before  the  close  of  the  meal, 
without  asking  to  be  excused. 

Teach  them  to  keep  their  lips  closed  while  eating. 
It  can  easily  be  done.  To  open  and  close  the  lips  while 
chewing  is  extremely  vulgar. 

Teach  them  not  to  yawn  without  trjdng  to  suppress 
it,  or  concealing  the  mouth  with  the  hand ;  and  not  to 
pick  their  teeth  at  table  or  make  any  unnecessary  noise 
when  eating. 


302 


THE  MANNERS  OF  CHILDREN. 


While  it  is  not  advisable  to  rigidly  enforce  the  old 
rule  that  "children  should  be  seen  and  not  heard,"  and 
so  forbid  their  speaking  at  all,  they  should  not  be 
allowed  to  interrupt  others  nor  monopolize  the  con- 
versation. 

To  train  a  child  properly  it  should  have  a  good 
example  to  follow,  and  that  means  that  the  parents 
should  be  themselves  polite  and  well  behaved.  The 
fact  that  their  children  are  watching  them  should 
furnish  an  additional  motive  for  correct  conduct,  if  an 
additional  motive  is  needed.  "  Like  parent,  like  child,  j 
says  the  old  proverb.  Virtue  is  the  child  of  good 
habits  ;  and  it  may  be  said  that  the  formation  of  correct 
habits  constitute  almost  the  whole  work  of  early  training. 


TREATMENT  OF  SERVANTS. 


HE  servant  girl  question,  in  this  country, 
is  a  problem,  and  confessedly  one  of  the 
most  difficult,  intricate  and  perplexing  pre- 
sented in  modern  life.  The  housekeeper 
who  has  a  faithful  and  competent  girl  has 
a  treasure  indeed.  The  girls  who  would 
make  the  best  servants — the  bright,  intelli- 
gent American  girls — will  not  accept  such 
positions,  pref  ering  to  work  in  stores,  offices 
and  factories,  on  almost  starvation  wages  often,  to  earning 
an  honorable  living  as  domestics  in  cultivated  families. 
It  is  not  our  purpose  here  to  discuss  the  causes  which 
operate  to  produce  this  state  of  things,  but  only  to  offer 
such  suggestions  on  the  treatment  of  servants  as  would 
properly  come  within  the  province  of  a  book  on 
etiquette. 

Much  misunderstanding  and  trouble  can  often  be 
saved  by  having  a  distinct  understanding  with  a  servant 
at  the  time  she  is  engaged,  about  what  her  duties  and 
privileges  are  to  be.  Many  a  poor  discouraged  house- 
keeper, after  a  set-to  with  an  ignorant  or  insolent  servant, 
has  been  brought  to  the  point  where  she  could  almost 
say  with  the  little  fretful  girl,  that  "  the  world  is  hollow, 
my  new  doll  is  stuffed  with  bran,  and  I  don't  want  to 
live  any  longer  ! "  And  yet  the  servants  are  not  always 
wholly  to  blame.  An  insolent  and  overbearing  mistress 
will  have  trouble  where  a  polite  and  considerate  woman 
will  get  along  harmoniously.  If  women  could  learn 
that  servants  are  human,  that  they  are  made  of  flesh 

( 303) 


4 


304 


TKEATMENT  OF  SEKVANTS. 


and  .blood  and  not  out  of  steel  or  stone,  and  that  they 
have  both  feelings  and  rights  which  should  be  respected, 
much  pain  and  hard  feeling  could  be  avoided.  That  man 
or  woman  is  at  bottom  essentially  coarse  and  brutish  who 
is  polite  to  guests  and  rude  to  servants. 

Servants  should  never  be  reprimanded,  in  the 
presence  of  guests.  No  matter  what  goes  wrong,  a  calm 
and  imperturbable  exterior  shoul  d  be  preserved.  A  quiet 
direction  should  be  given  when  needed,  but  that  is  all; 
wait  until  the  departure  of  the  guests,  and  then  discip- 
line the  servants  for  their  carelessness  or  other  fault. 

Servants  are  very  apt  to  ape  their  employers,  so  that 
an  insolent  mistress  will  have  insolent  servants,  and 
vice  versa. 

Servants  should  be  taught  to  be  scrupulously  neat 
in  their  dress  as  well  as  in  their  work.  They  should  be 
taught  not  to  slam  doors,  rattle  china  or  stamp  around 
with  heavy  shoes.  House  servants  should  always  wear 
thin  shoes  and  step  lightly. 

A  good  housewife  should  take  pride  in  under- 
standing all  the  details  of  her  housekeeping,  and  in 
supervising  it,  for  servants  are  quick  to  detect  incom- 
petence, and  learn  when  they  can  shirk  their  work  and 
presume  on  the  ignorance  of  the  mistress. 

Servants  sometimes  err  through  ignorance,  and  the 
mistress  should  kindly  and  patiently  explain  their  duties 
in  such  cases.  There  is  no  better  evidence  of  good 
breeding  than  civility  and  courtesy  to  servants  and 
dependents. 

Leaders  and  commanders  are  a  little  like  poets — 
born  rather  than  made,  and  yet  the  mistress  of  a  large 
household,  employing  many  servants,  has  need  of 
executive  ability  of  no  small  order.  Firmness  and  tact 
are  essential.  The  comfort  of  the  family  will  be  pro- 
moted by  hiring  a  competent  housekeeper  to  manage 


TKEATMENT  OF  SERVANTS. 


305 


the  servants  when  the  mistress  is  deficient  in  these 
qualities.  A  mild  and  pleasant,  but  firm,  way  of  giving 
orders,  without  an  offensive  parade  of  authority,  is  the 
best. 

Train  servants  to  answer  the  door-bell  properly. 
Require  them  to  treat  all  comers  politely,  and  be  careful 
to  explain  to  them  your  rules  about  the  ''not  at  home" 
formula.  A  perfect  understanding  between  the  mistress 
and  servant  on  this  point  may  save  some  very  embar- 
rassing complications.  If,  through  a  misunderstanding 
on  this  point,  a  servant  admits  a  caller  when  you  are 
"not  at  home,"  it  is  better  to  cheerfully  see  the  visitor, 
and  train  the  servant  better  for  the  next  time,  than  to 
risk  giving  offense  by  declining  to  appear.  Never  allow 
servants  to  be  rude  and  uncivil  to  any  caller.  They 
need  not  be,  and  if  they  understand  it  is  against  "  the 
rule  of  the  house,"  they  will  usually  be  more  careful 
than  if  they  are  left  to  their  own  inclinations. 

Servants  are  so  notoriously  jealous  of  each  other  that 
the  duties  of  each  one  should  be  clearly  defined. 

A  systematic  arrangement  of  the  duties  of  the  house- 
keeping will  be  a  great  economizer  of  time  and  labor. 
Have  a  regular  day  for  washing;  another  for  ironing; 
another  for  the  general  sweeping,  scrubbing  of  floors, 
etc.;  another  for  baking  pies,  and  so  on.  Punctuality 
and  order  will  contribute  greatly  to  the  smooth  running 
of  the  domestic  machinery. 

Servants  will  work  better  for  one  whom  they  respect, 
and  as  the  wise  old  saying  is  that  familiarity  breeds 
contempt,"  they  should  be  treated  kindly  and  courteously 
without  descending  to  familiarity. 

The  religious  convictions  of  servants  should  be 
scrupulously  respected.  Protestant  families  employing 
Catholics  should  allow  them  reasonable  opportunities 
to  attend  church.    It  may  at  times  be  somewhat  incon- 


306 


TliEATMENT  OF  SEBVANTS. 


venient  to  do  this,  but  self-sacrifice  to  accomplish  it  will 
be  doing  as  we  would  be  done  by,  and  may  be  as  pleasing 
to  the  Maker  of  us  all  as  it  is  to  give  to  the  missionary 
cause  and  send  hymn-books  and  "stove-pipe"  hats  to 
the  heathen 

A  fair,  honorable  ana  attentive  regard  for  the  "privi- 
leges "  of  servants  should  be  the  rule  with  all.  They 
should  not  feel  that  their  rights  are  disregarded  or 
encroached  upon.  "  The  evening  a  week  and  every 
other  Sunday  afternoon"  should  not  be  denied  them. 
It  means  much  to  them,  and  a  few  extra  privileges, 
voluntarily  given  in  the  right  spirit,  will  often  bring  a 
rich  return  in  the  shape  of  better  and  more  devoted 
service 

As  1^9  fear  this  book  may  not  De  consulted  by 
servants  as  much  as  we  would  like,  we  will  reserve  our 
chapter  to  them  for  another  occasion. 


BUSINESS  ETIQUETTE 


E  LI^'E  in  a  business  age.  The  thonglits 
of  men  are  more  occnpiecl  y,  itli  trade  than 
ever  before.  Young  men  look  f oi-ward  to  a 
life  of  business  and  aspire  to  success.  Of 
course  many  qualities  of  mind  and  charac- 
ter are  essential  to  those  who  win  in  the 
race,  but  politeness  is  by  no  means  one  of 
the  least  important.  The  leading  business 
men,  as  well  as  the  lawyers,  doctors  and 
other  professional  men,  ewe  their  success,  in  iphit^  at 
least,  to  their  manners.  So  well  known  is  this  that  it  is 
often  said  that  if  you  want  to  be  politely  treated  in 
business  you  should  go  to  the  head  of  the  firm;  if  you 
want  to  be  snubbed,  go  to  his  clerk.  It  is  the  lackey,  not 
the  lord,  who  is  rude,  the  world  over. 

Form  the  habit  at  the  start  of  treating  all,  whether  rich 
or  poor,  men  or  women,  with  uniform  politeness  and 
courtesy.  The  polite  merchant  draws  the  best  trade, 
and  keeps  it.  Learn  also  to  be  cheerful  and  to  keep 
your  temper  at  all  times,  as  there  is  great  power  in  it- 
He  who  commands  his  temper  commands  the  situation 
nearly  always.  Xever  allow  yourself  to  say  mean  and 
bitter  things.  You  will  regret  it  afterwards  and  they 
leave  wounds  that  rankle  often  for  years. 

Let  your  business  integrity  be  above  suspicion,  and 
make  your  word  as  good  as  your  bond.  Meet  all  bills  and 
drafts  promptly.  If  utterly  unable  to  do  so,  explain  the 
reason  to  your  creditor  frankly,  and  state  when  you  can 

(307) 


308 


BUSINESS  ETIQUETTE. 


meet  the  obligation.  If  he  has  reason  to  believe  your 
statement  he  will  endeavor  to  accomodate  you.  Do  not 
misrepresent  your  goods,  nor  allow  any  employ^  to  do 
so.    It  will  ruin  your  business. 

Be  scrupulously  prompt  and  punctual  in  keeping 
your  appointments.  It  shows  your  regard  for  your  own 
word,  and  also  your  desire  not  to  compel  another  to 
waste  his  time  by  waiting  for  you.  If  unable  to  meet 
the  appointment,  send  a  note  or  a  messenger  promptly, 
and  explain  your  reasons.  When  through  with  your 
business,  do  not  linger,  as  business  men  do  not  wish  to 
be  needlessly  detained  during  business  hours. 

Courtesy  requires  that  you  should  enclose  a  stamped 
envelope  for  a  reply  when  you  write  another  for  infor- 
mation that  benefits  you  but  does  not  concern  him 
particularly.  Answer  all  letters  of  inquiry  promptly 
and  courteously. 

Do  not  manifest  any  curiosity  about  any  business 
matters  which  do  not  concern  you.  Do  not  listen  to  the 
conversation  of  business  men  who  are  talking  over 
business  matters  together,  nor  try  to  examine  the  books 
or  papers  of  another  which  may  chance  to  fall  under 
your  eye. 

An  employer  should  be  polite  to  his  employes.  By 
regarding  their  feelings,  and  manifesting  some  interest 
in  their  welfare,  he  will  win  their  regard  and  obtain 
better  service  from  them.  No  gentleman  will  ever 
needlessly  wound  the  feelings  of  a  servant. 


ETIQUETTE  OF  PRESENTS  AND 
BORROWING. 


EESENTS  should  be  given  as  an  evidence  of 
affection  or  esteem,  and  without  any  thought 
of  receiving  others  in  return.  Emerson  says  : 
"Our  tokens  of  love  are  for  the  most  part 
barbarous,  cold  and  lifeless,  becaase  they 
do  not  represent  our  life.  The  only  gift  is 
a  portion  of  thyself.  Therefore  let  the 
farmer  give  his  corn;  the  miner  his  gem; 
the  sailor  coral  or  shells;  the  painter  his 
picture  and  the  poet  his  poem."  Some  trifling  present 
thus  given  is  much  better  than  a  costly  gift.  Except  in 
the  case  of  a  parent  to  a  child,  or  of  some  near  relation- 
ship, a  costly  present  should  rarely  be  made,  as  its 
propriety  would  be  questionable.  When  a  present  is 
made  ostentatiously  with  a  hope  of  getting  something  in 
return,  or  of  gaining  some  advantage,  it  partakes  of  the 
nature  of  bribery.  People  of  true  refinement  do  not 
make  gifts  which  are  not  prompted  by  kindly  feeling. 

A  note  should  be  sent,  or  a  verbal  expression  of 
thanks  should  be  given,  at  once  on  receipt  of  a  present. 
That  should  always  be  devoted  to  the  purpose  for  which 
it  was  given,  and  no  other.  If  it  is  an  ornament  for  the 
center-table,  place  it  there.  If  it  is  an  article  of  dress 
or  jewelry,  wear  it  in  the  presence  of  the  giver  on  the 
first  opportunity.  If  it  is  a  book,  read  it  as  soon  as  pos- 
sible, and  allude  to  the  pleasure  it  gave  you  on  meeting 
the  donor.    If  it  is  fruit  or  flowers,  refer  to  them  the 

(309) 


310       ETIQUETTE  OE  PKESENTS  AND  BOEKOWING. 

next  time  you  see  the  sender.  To  give  away  a  present — 
at  least  -without  obtaining  permission  of  the  giver — is 
mean  and  dishonorable.  It  is  better  never  to  do  it.  To 
ask  the  giver  what  an  article  cost,  or  where  she  bought 
it,  is  very  rude. 

Some  persons  who  receive  gifts  which  they  think  are 
made  with  a  mercenary  motive,  or  who  do  not  like  to 
receive  a  present  which  they  think  will  place  them  under 
obligations  to  the  donor,  return  a  gift  of  equivalent 
value  as  soon  as  possible.  This  at  once  implies  a  sus- 
picion of  the  motive  in  making  the  gift.  It  is  better 
not  to  do  this,  as  if  the  gift  was  prompted  by  sincere 
friendship  the  feelings  of  the  sender  will  be  hurt ;  and 
if  the  motive  was  mercenary,  disappointment  will  be 
felt  at  receiving  nothing  in  return. 

As  a  rule,  the  only  gifts  permitted  between  ladies 
and  gentlemen  who  are  not  relatives,  are  books,  flowers, 
music  and  confectionery.  On  sending  a  present  to  a 
lady  a  gentleman  should  always  attach  his  card,  with 
"With  the  compliments  of"  written  over  his  name.  A 
card  is  sent  with  Christmas  gifts.  Loaned  books  or 
music,  when  returned,  should  be  accompanied  by  the 
borrower's  card. 

Gifts  tendered  in  the  spirit  of  kindness  should  be 
accepted,  unless  you  feel  that  owing  to  some  peculiar 
circumstances  you  cannot,  with  propriety,  receive  them. 
If  you  accept  them,  do  so  with  expressions  of  gratitude. 

No  gentleman  who  is  not  sadly  ignorant  of  the  refine- 
ments of  society^  would  ever  offer  a  young  lady  to  whom 
he  is  not  engaged,  or  closely  related,  anything  more  than 
a  bouquet,  a  book,  or  some  trifling  memento  that  derives 
its  chief  value  from  its  associations.  To  offer  to  present 
a  young  lady  with  articles  of  jewelry,  dress  or  orna- 
ment, is  an  offense.  No  modest  or  dignified  woman 
should  accept  them,  and  she  should  rebuke  his  ignorance 


ETIQUETTE  OF  PRESENTS  AND  BOEROWIXG.  311 


or  insolence  by  firmly  bnt  chilly  refusing  to  become 
his  debtor.  Even  to  the  lady  to  whom  he  is  engaged 
a  gentleman  should  not,  as  a  rule,  make  very  costly 
presents  nor  articles  of  ornament. 

A  married  lady  may  receiye  a  gift  from  a  gentleman 
who  is  under  an  obligation  to  her  for  hospitality  received. 
If  she  makes  a  present  to  a  gentleman,  it  should  be  in 
the  name  of  both  herself  and  her  husband.  Some 
article  made  with  her  own  hands  is  the  most  appropriate 
gift  from  a  lady.  Unless  you  have  reason  to  believe 
the  gift  was  not  received,  do  not  allude  to  a  present  you 
have  made.  Do  not  make  costly  presents  beyond  your 
means.  The  recipient  will  be  apt  to  think  you  should 
have  kept  the  value  for  yourself,  although  restrained  by 
politeness  from  saying  so.  If  the  recipient  praises  your 
gift,  say  that  you  are  glad  it  gave  him  pleasure,  or  some- 
thing of  that  kind,  but  do  not  depreciate  it.  !N either, 
on  receiving  a  gift,  should  you  intimate  that  you  think 
it  is  too  valuable  for  the  donor's  means  by  saying,  '"I 
fear  you  rob  yourself."  or  anything  of  that  sort. 

If  you  have  an  article  which  is  of  no  special  value 
to  you,  but  which,  because  of  his  calling,  studies  or 
tastes,  would  be  very  acceptable  to  another,  you  may 
make  him  a  present  of  it.  even  if  he  is  a  stranger  to  you. 
Give  children  articles  that  will  be  of  lasting  amusement 
to  them,  as  tops,  marbles,  tools,  etc.,  to  boys,  and  dolls, 
etc.,  to  girls. 

Wedding  presents  we  have  discussed  elsewhere. 

At  christenings  it  is  the  sponsors  only  that  are 
expected  to  make  presents  to  the  child. 

BORE  OWING. 

It  is  always  better  to  buy  any  article  you  need  for 
frequent  use  than  to  borrow  it.  Any  article  you  own 
will  be  always  at  hand  for  use,  and  you  will  incur  no 


312        ETIQUETTE  OF  PRESENTS  AND  BOBEOWING- 

responsibility  for  its  safety.  Any  article  which  is 
borrowed,  however,  should  be  treated  with  the  utmost 
care  and  be  returned  promptly  and  uninjured.  A  bor- 
rowed article  should  never  be  loaned  to  another,  at  least 
not  without  obtaining  the  consent  of  the  owner.  If  an 
article  is  lost  or  injured  while  in  your  possession,  it 
should  be  promptly  replaced  by  another  equally  valuable, 
and  on  returning  a  borrowed  article  the  owner  should 
be  thanked  for  the  favor  of  the  loan. 

When  a  book  is  borrowed  it  is  well  to  cover  it  with 
paper  at  once,  to  preserve  the  cover  from  injury.  Be 
scrupulously  careful  about  soiling  it  in  any  way,  for  a 
dirty  book  is  always  an  eyesore  to  its  owner,  and  to  get 
a  book  finger-marked  or  dog's-eared  while  in  your 
possession  is  well-nigh  unpardonable.    Do  not  mark  a 
borrowed  book  with  a  pencil  nor  write  any  comments 
on  the  margin.    Never  loan  it  to  another  without  the 
owner's  permission.  If  while  in  your  possession  a  book 
becomes  injured,  purchase  another  copy  for  the  owner. 
If  that  cannot  be  obtained,  another  book  of  equal  value 
should  be  bought  and  presented  as  the  only  reparation 
you  can  make,  but  such  substitutions  are  always 
awkward.    The  lender  should  never  be  made  to  suffer 
by  your  carelessness.    Do  not  leave  a  borrowed  book  in 
a  hotel  parlor  or  in  any  place  where  it  will  be  liable  to 
be  lost. 

Magazines  should  be  used  carefully  and  returned 
promptly,  as  they  may  be  part  of  a  set,  and  if  lost  they 
may  be  difficult  to  replace.  Even  a  newspaper  should 
be  promptly  returned,  as  the  owner  may  wish  to  file  it 
away  or  send  it  to  a  friend.  If  a  paper  or  magazine  is 
lost  or  defaced  while  in  your  possession,  send  to  the 
publisher  for  another  and  give  it  to  the  owner. 

If  you  examine  an  engraving,  handle  it  carefully  with 
both  hands  and  avoid  cracking  or  wrinkling  the  paper. 


ETIQUETTE  OF  PRESENTS  AND  BORROWING.  313 

To  examine  or  show  an  engraving,  spread  it  out 
smoothly  on  a  table  and  keep  it  flat  by  means  of  books 
or  other  weights  placed  on  the  corners  or  sides. 

If  a  friend  loans  you  a  collar  or  any  other  washable 
article,  see  that  it  is  laundried  carefully  before  you 
return  it.  An  article  of  jewelry  should  be  returned 
with  your  own  hand,  to  avoid  all  risk  of  loss.  It  is  best 
not  to  try  on  a  borrowed  dress  pattern,  lest  it  become 
stretched  or  injured.  A  hat  or  cap  that  is  not  your  own 
should  be  handled  very  carefully.  Never  try  on  another 
person's  gloves. 

Some  people  are  very  careless  about  using  borrowed 
umbrellas,  and  often  they  do  not  return  them  promptly. 
Carelessness  or  delay  ir.ay  seriously  inconvenience  the 
lender,  and  she  should  not  be  needlessly  annoyed.  A 
borrowed  umbrella  should  be  returned  at  the  earliest 
possible,  opportunity,  and  if  it  is  lost  or  injured  it  should 
be  replaced  with  a  new  one  equally  valuable. 

Great  care  should  be  exercised  in  borrowing  small 
sums  of  money.  Ladies  should  be  careful  about  bor- 
rowing from  gentlemen  or  putting  themselves  under 
obligations  in  any  way  to  them.  Loans  should  be 
promptly  repaid,  as,  if  they  are  really  forgotten,  the 
suspicion  may  rest  on  you  of  having  intentionally 
avoided  their  payment. 

The  habit  of  borrowing  all  sorts  of  household  articles 
from  one's  neighbors  is  often  a  source  of  great  annoyance 
to  them,  and  it  is  a  habit  that  should  never  be  formed. 
Never  trouble  neighbors  in  this  way  when  it  can 
possibly  be  avoided.  When  it  is  necessary  to  borrow  an 
article,  return  it  promptly  and  in  good  condition. 


GOOD  AND  BAD  SOCIETY. 


HAT  constitutes  good  society,  and  what  is 
bad  society?  are  questions  that  are  often 
asked,  and  still  oftener  thought.  How 
can  one  distinguish  between  the  two? 
Young  people,  or  those  who  have  had 
little  experience  of  the  world,  will  often 
come  in  contact  with  persons  surrounded 
with  every  appearance  of  wealth  and 
luxury;  they  may  give  fine  suppers  and 
entertain  in  almost  princely  style,  and  yet  they  will 
manifest  the  most  insolent  pretense,  superciliousness  or 
unkindness  to  others;  or  the  young  men  of  the  "set" 
may  go  to  one  of  their  suppers  and  get  "  beastly  drunk," 
or  at  other  times  commit  flagrant  violations  of  the  moral 
law;  and  the  young  women  may  dress  flashily,  spice 
tbeir  talk  with  slang,  and  allow  the  men  to  take  coarse 
familiarities  with  them,  and  the  inexperienced  observer 
will  ask, "  Is  that  good  society  ?  "  To  all  such  queries  we 
unhesitatingly  say, — No,  it  is  not.  Whatever  their 
wealth  and  worldly  position,  such  people  are  ill-bred,  and 
a  collection  of  such  people  does  not  constitute  good 
society.  When  people  of  good  character,  education  and 
breeding  meet  together  for  mutual  entertainment,  on  a 
footing  of  equality,  they  constitute  good  society.  Noth- 
ing else  does.  It  is  only  the  counterfeit  aristocracy, 
the  parvenus,  who  violate  the  laws  of  both  propriety 
and  morals.  "  Call  no  society  good,"  says  one  authority, 
''until  you  have  sounded  its  morals  as  well  as  its  man- 


ners. 


Thackeray  maintains  that  any  society,  claiming 

(315) 


316 


GOOD  AND  BAD  SOCIETY. 


to  be  polite;  but  whicli  ignores  arts  and  letters,  is  snob« 
bisli;  while  Lord  Chesterfield  attempts  to  divide  good 
society  into  two  classes, — those  who  lead  in  courts  and 
the  social  world,  and  those  who  possess  merit  or  talent, 
and  who  excel  in  some  art  or  science.  Yoimg  people 
should  be  very  careful  about  being  deceived  by  false 
appearances.  Those  who  desire  to  qualify  themselves 
to  enter  good  society  cannot  do  better  than  to  learn  to 
obey  the  golden  rule,  and  do  as  they  would  be  done  by 
at  all  times,  and  then  try  and  cultivate  such  talents  as 
they  possess. 

Bad  society  has  been  divided  by  one  writer,  into 
three  classes :  First,  that  in  which  both  morals  and 
manners  are  bad.  Second,  that  in  which  the  morals 
seem  to  be  good,  but  the  manners  are  not.  Third,  that 
in  which  the  manners  are  good,  but  the  morals  are  bad. 
The  first  of  these  is  low  society,  and  so  evidently  low 
that  it  will  present  little  temptation  to  any  one  who  can 
see  its  defects.  The  second  is  vulgar  society.  A  great 
^lany  of  the  newly  rich  come  under  this  head.  Those 
who  have  with  much  effort  gained  admission  to  what 
they  call  "society,"  and  who  wish  to  forget  their  old 
acquaintances.  "  It  is  only  the  little  people  climbing 
up  who  are  disagreeable,"  says  Sully.  They  feel  uncer- 
tain of  their  position,  and  they  fear  to  compromise 
themselves  by  associating  with  those  not  in  their  new 
set.  These,  also,  often  manifest  great  eagerness  to  keep 
others  out  of  their  circle-  Having  themselves  climbed 
the  social  ladder,  they  wish  to  kick  it  down  so  that  others 
cannot  ascend.  Good  society  may  recognize  these 
people,  but  they  do  not  constitute  it.  Vulgarity  is  not 
a  high  type  of  manners.  The  third  class,  in  which  the 
manners  are  good  and  the  morals  bad,  is  often  the  most 
dangerous.  The  manners  may  be  easy  and  charming, 
while  the  immorality  is  cloaked  and  covered.    There  is 


GOOD  AXD  BAD  SOCIETY. 


317 


an  old  sophism  that  stolen  fruit  is  sweet,"  and  here  the 
irregularities  are  sub  rosa.  This  society  is  often  very 
secluctive,  and  the  young  person  thrown  into  such  a 
circle  walks  a  slippery  path.  But  it  is  not  good  socieiy, 
for  the  really  good  society  has  both  virtue  and  good 
manners. 

Those  who  have  been  deprived  of  early  advantages 
should  not  ignore  the  high  polish  of  cultivated  society. 
It  is  the  outgrowth  of  a  high  civilization.  Tact,  self- 
control,  refinement  of  feeling  and  elegance  of©manner 
are  required  of  those  who  would  lead  the  best  society. 
The  world  respects  those  who  have  sterling  characters, 
but  are  uncouth,  and  justly  so;  but,  while  the  rough 
diamond  is  more  valuable  than  the  paste  imitation,  the 
polished  diamond  is  the  most  attractive  and  valuable 


Again  we  repeat  that  good  society  is  composed  of 
the  very  best  people — the  polished  and  cultivated,  moral 
and  religious,  intelligent  and  accomplished  people.  A 
company  of  wealthy  people  lacking  in  cultivation,  or 
of  polished  people  lacking  in  morality,  is  not  "  good 
society." 


of  all. 


CONCERNING  CHAPERONS. 


HEEE  is  a  growing  tendency  in  the  higher 
circles  of  American  society  to  introduce  the 
European  system  of  chaperonage.  This 
tendency  has  been  manifest  for  several 
years,  and  it  has  many  earnest  advocates. 
It  is  maintained  that  the  freedom  of  inter- 
course which  was  permitted  between  the 
young  people  when  the  towns  were  small 
and  every  one  knew  every  one  else,  where 
the  children  were  neighbors  and  played  together,  and 
attended  the  same  public  schools  and  grew  up  sur- 
rounded by  the  same  influences,  is  not  suitable  in 
large  cities,  where  the  young  ladies  go  into  society 
and  come  into  contact  with  men  of  whom  their  parents 
know  little  or  nothing.  It  is  claimed  that  "  society " 
is  too  often  frequented  by  foreign  titled  rakes,  and  native 
rou^Sy  who  regard  the  innocent  and  inexperienced  girls 
to  whom  they  are  introduced  as  their  legitimate  prey. 
To  save  these  innocent  and  attractive  young  creatures 
from  the  dangers  in  their  path,  it  is  proposed  to  intro- 
duce the  French  system  of  chaperonage.  It  is  further 
maintained  that  foreigners  coming  to  this  country 
criticise  and  entirely  misunderstand  our  freedom  of 
manners.  Knowing  that  no  young  lady  with  any  claims 
to  respectability  would  ever  be  allowed,  in  their  own 
countries,  to  act  with  such  freedom  from  restraint,  they 
judge  us  by  their  standard  and  put  their  own  construc- 
tion on  the  matter — and  that  is  the  construction  most 
unfavorable  to  the  young  ladies. 

(318) 


CONCERNING  CHAPERONS. 


B19 


The  best  and  most  natural  chaperon  for  a  young 
lady  is  her  own  mother.  If  the  mother  is  dead  or  can- 
not assume  the  role,  some  elderly  and  discreet  woman, 
who  is  thoroughly  familiar  with  the  world  and  the 
usages  of  society,  is  the  most  suitable.  In  England  the 
widows  of  army  officers  are  the  most  popular  chaperons, 
if  they  are  well  born  and  familiar  with  society,  but  in 
America  we  have  no  similar  class.  The  model  chaperon 
is  like  a  poet — born  rather  than  made.  Her  duties  are 
difficult,  delicate  and  onerous.  Great  tact  and  judgment 
are  required.  A  woman,  especially  a  young  woman, 
who  is  inclined  to  flirtatrion,  or  who  has  an  eye  for  her 
own  chance,  and  seeks  her  own  interest  mainly,  is  not 
fit  for  the  position.  Certainly  no  parent  should  secure 
for  chaperon  a  woman  whose  character  has  ever  been 
questioned,  or  who  has  had  the  reputation  of  being  a 
flirt  or  a  coquette.  A  young  married  woman,  who  is  bent 
on  amusement,  is  not  fit  for  the  place.  The  chaperon 
should  be  old  enough  to  be  the  young  lady's  mother. 
Some  relative  or  friend  with  dignity  and  experience 
will  often  assume  the  trust,  and  discharge  it  most 
acceptably. 

The  model  chaperon  should  possess  the  tact  and 
spirit  of  a  society  leader,  the  instinct  of  a  general  for 
marshalling  her  forces,  and  the  self-denial  of  a  saint. 
She  is  the  Providence  of  her  charge.  On  entering 
society  the  young  lady  must  be  carefully  instructed  in 
all  its  requirements.  The  chaperon  must  inform  her  on 
all  points  of  etiquette,  secure  invitations  for  her,  and 
see  that  the  proper  entertainment  is  given  in  return; 
learn  the  qualifications  of  the  young  men  who  approach 
her,  and  ward  off  undesirable  acquaintances,  while 
encouraging  those  who  are  eligible  and  who  may 
develope  into  desirable  suitors.  She  should  bring 
forward  her  charge  and  give  her  an  opportunity  to 


320 


CONCERNING  CHAPERONS. 


display  her  accomplisliments.  If  she  is  bright  and 
possessed  of  good  spirits,  she  may  put  the  young  people 
at  their  ease  and  help  them  to  have  a  good  time  ;  but 
she  should  not  outshine  or  detract  from  her proUgSe, 
She  must  avoid  saying  sharp  or  cutting  things  ;  and  if 
other  young  ladies  receive  more  attentions  than  her 
charge,  she  must  appear  unmoved  and  cheerful  still. 

At  a  ball  the  young  lady  should  sit  by  her  chaperon 
until  asked  to  dance,  and  as  soon  as  the  dance  is  over 
she  returns  to  her  side.  It  is  not  necessary  for  the 
chaperon  to  sacrifice  her  ease  by  staying  until  every 
ball  breaks  up,  as  it  is  better  form  to  leave  with  her 
prot^gSein  good  season.  It  is  not  best  to  acquire  the 
reputation  of  being  the  last  to  leave. 

During  the  "  season  "  the  chaperon  must  accompany 
her  charge  everywhere — to  the  theatre,  parties,  balls, 
operas,  the  races,  the  skating-rink,  yachting  parties? 
lawn-tennis  parties,  and,  in  short,  to  all  amusements 
and  entertainments.  A  young  lady  should  not  go  to  a 
restaurant  with  a  gentleman  unless  the  chaperon  is  pres- 
ent, nor  on  excursions,  and  never  sailing,  unattended. 

In  giving  entertainments  .the  invitations  should  be 
written  by  the  chaperon,  and  not  by  the  young  lady. 
If,  however,  the  young  lady  has  a  mother,  the  invitations 
should  proceed  from  her.  Even  at  home  the  chaperon's 
vigilance  must  not  be  relaxed,  and  whenever  gentlemen 
call  she  must  be  present.  It  is  said  that  two  is  com- 
pany, and  three  is  a  crowd"  at  such  times  ;  but  strict 
etiquette  requires  that  the  young  people  should  never 
escape  from  the  "  crowd."  If  ther.e  is  a  double  parlor 
with  folding  doors,  they  may  be  left  open,  and  the 
chaperon  may  busy  herself  with  her  work  or  a  book  in 
the  other  room  during  the  call,  but  she  must  remain 
within  sight  and  hearing.  On  no  account  should  she 
retire  until  all  callers  have  departed. 


CONCERNING  CHAPERONS. 


321 


After  a  young  lady  is  engaged,  she  must  still  be 
accompanied  by  the  chaperon  everywhere. 

After  a  young  lady  has  been  in  society  for  a  few 
seasons,  American  etiquette  relaxes  the  vigilance  of  the 
chaperon  somewhat,  but  in  Europe  it  is  still  maintained. 
Every  year  after  she  is  twenty-five  gives  an  American 
woman  added  freedom,  but  even  then  it  is  better  to  go 
in  public  with  some  friend  than  alone,  especially  if  she 
is  handsome  and  attractive.  In  traveling  abroad  it  is 
highly  desirable  to  have  a  chaperon,  or  at  least  a 
companion ;  but  in  America  a  lady  who  is  self-possessed 
and  lady-like  can  go  anywhere  unmolested. 

Ladies  who  are  engaged  in  business  (like  school- 
teachers, artists,  dressmakers,  physicians,  music  teachers, 
or  in  other  self-supporting  occupations),  are  released 
from  the  necessity  of  having  a  chaperon.  So  long  as 
they  carry  themselves  circumspectly,  they  will  be 
respected  and  be  free  from  insult.  But  when  seeking 
recreation,  if  two  can  go  together  it  is  usually  better  for 
both. 

All  invitations  to  dinners,  parties  or  other  entertain- 
ments should,  of  course,  include  the  chaperon,  and  a 
gentleman  who  invites  a  young  lady  to  any  place  of 
amusement  should  provide  tickets  for  the  chaperon  as 
well  as  the  qharge,  and  include  both  in  his  invitation. 

In  the  "fashionable"  circles  of  society  in  our  large 
cities  to-day,  the  chaperon  is  undoubtedly  gaining 
ground,  and  those  who  desire  to  mingle  in  those  circles 
should  recognize  the  custom.  We  have  given  the  rules 
of  etiquette  which  at  the  present  time  govern  the 
chaperon  and  her  charge.  It  remains  to  be  said,  how- 
ever, that  outside  of  our  cities,  in  the  villages  and  small 
towns,  the  chaperon  is  almost  unknown,  and  in  the  great 
middle  classes  in  our  large  cities  the  need  of  chaperons 
is  unfelt,  and  they  are  seldom  seen.    The  great  mass  of 


322 


OONCEHNING  CHAPERONB. 


young  ladies  Avhose  parents  belong  to  the  well-to-do  but 
not  extremely  rich  classes,  who  attend  our  public  schools 
and  associate  from  earliest  childhood  with  those  of  their 
own  age  of  the  other  sex,  develop  thereby  a  self-com- 
mand, a  self-possession  and  an  ease  of  manner  which  is 
wholly  unknown  to  the  foreign  or  native  young  lady 
who  is  sent  to  a  boarding-school  to  mingle  only  with 
those  of  her  own  sex,  and  who  from  earliest  childhood 
is  jealously  shielded,  like  a  hothouse  plant,  from  all 
outside  influences.  The  former  may  occasionally  abuse 
her  freedom  and  become  bold  and  justly  subject  to 
censure,  while  the  latter  will  be  in  danger  of  regarding 
marriage  as  an  escape  from  prison.  A  large  part  of  the 
undoubted  charm  which  our  young  ladies  possess  for 
foreigners,  comes  from  this  same  easy  self-possession, 
and  no  one  acquainted  with  the  world  would  venture  to 
say  that  their  morals  were  less  pure  than  those  of  their 
more  closely-guarded  sisters.  But,  as  we  said  before, 
those  who  aspire  to  enter  the  "  fashionable "  circles  of 
our  large  cities  (and  it  is  claimed  that  even  in  so  large 
a  city  as  New  York  what  is  technically  termed  "  society  " 
does  not  include  over  four  or  five  hundred  families,  and 
some  would  even  limit  it  to  two  hundred)  must  recognize 
the  chaperon  as  a  social  institution  that  is  slowly  gain- 
ing ground.  But  outside  of  those  circles  etiquette  does 
not  yet  require  that  all  young  ladies  should  be  ceaselessly 
accompanied  by  chaperons,  although  it  is  entirely  proper 
if  they  or  their  parents  desire  it. 


WASHINGTON  ETIQUETTE. 


OCIAL  life  in  Washington  is  peculiar,  and 
differs  from  that  of  other  cities.  It  takes 
its  tone  from  official  life.  From  the  days  of 
Washington  to  General  Jackson's  adminis- 
tration strict  rules  of  etiquette  were  observed, 
but  Jackson  broke  down  the  old  barriers 
and  inaugurated  a  series  of  popular  recep- 
tions, to  which  all  were  admitted,  and  such 
rudeness  was  allowed  as  few  gentlemen  would 
tolerate  in  their  own  homes.  Since  then  much  confusion 
has  existed,  and  a  fixed  social  code  has  been  sadly 
needed. 

THE  PEESIDENT. 

Owing  to  his  official  position  the  President  is  entitled 
to  precedence  whenever  and  wherever  he  appears.  He 
is  under  no  obligation  to  return  the  calls  he  receives. 
To  make  his  acquaintance  no  special  formalities  are 
necessary.  When  he  receives,  which  is  often  in  the 
morning,  the  visitor  is  shown  to  the  room  occupied  by 
the  President's  secretaries.  He  then  presents  his  card 
and  waits  his  turn  to  be  admitted.  Those  who  have 
business  are  of  course  given  precedence  over  those  who 
call  merely  out  of  curiosity.  On  being  admitted  to  the 
President's  room  such  a  visitor  pays  his  respects,  and 
at  once  makes  room  for  others.  Those  going  merely 
out  of  curiosity  will  do  well  to  get  some  official  to  intro- 
duce them  when  possible.  In  conversation  the  President 
may  be  addressed  either  as  Mr.  President,"  or  "  Your 
Excellency." 

(824) 


WASHINGTON  ETIQUETTE. 


325 


Any  one  is  at  liberty  to  attend  the  stated  receptions 
given  at  the  White  House  during  the  sessions  of  Con- 
gress. They  are  sometimes  held  in  the  morning  and 
sometimes  in  the  evening.  On  entering  the  reception- 
room  the  caller  gives  his  name  to  the  usher,  who 
announces  it.  Some  official  who  is  charged  with  that 
duty,  introduces  him  as  he  approaches,  to  the  President 
and  such  other  members  of  the  family  as  receive  with 
him.  The  introduction  over  the  caller  passes  on,  and 
then  looks  over  the  various  rooms  or  chats  with  friends 
until  he  is  ready  to  leave.  Cards  may  be  left  on  passing 
out.  When  the  reception  is  held  in  the  morning,  the 
morning  costume  may  be  worn  by  both  ladies  and 
gentlemen.  At  an  evening  reception,  however,  the  full 
evening  toilet  should  be  worn.  In  making  an  evening 
call  a  demi-toilet,  at  least,  is  usually  worn,  and  no  bonnet. 

When  the  President  gives  a  state  dinner,  the  same 
rules  of  etiquette  are  observed  as  at  any  other  formal 
dinner,  but  the  official  rank  of  the  guests  decides  their 
precedence.  An  invitation  received  from  the  President 
'  must  be  accepted,  as  it  is  considered  in  the  light  of  a 
mandate  ;  and  any  other  social  engagement  previously 
made  must  be  cancelled  to  do  so.  As  an  invitation 
from  the  President  takes  precedence  over  any  other, 
and  its  importance  is  universally  recognized,  it  is  con- 
sidered entirely  proper  to  cancel  any  other  on  stating 
the  reason,  and  no  offense  is  taken.  In  case  of  sickness 
or  the  death  of  a  near  relative,  the  President's  invitation 
may  be  declined,  but  the  reason  should  be  clearly  given. 

The  President's  wife  enjoys  the  same  exemption  from 
the  necessity  of  returning  calls  as  the  President  himself, 
but  she  may  visit  those  whom  she  is  disposed  to  favor 
with  her  calls.  Social  courtesies  may  be  received  and 
returned  by  the  other  members  of  the  President's 
family. 


326 


WASHINGTON  ETIQUETTE. 


The  New  Year's  receptions  are  the  most  ceremonious 
occasions  of  the  season  at  the  White  House.  The  most 
elegant  toilets  appropriate  to  a  morning  reception  are 
worn  by  the  ladies  who  attend.  The  court  dresses  of 
their  respective  countries  are  worn  by  the  members  of 
the  foreign  legations  when  paying  their  respects  on  this 
occasion  to  the  President.  There  are  only  two  or  three 
other  occasions  on  which  they  wear  their  full  court 
costumes  in  this  country. 

ORDERS  OF  OFFICIAL  RANK. 

The  official  who  ranks  next  to  the  President  is  the 
Chief  Justice  of  the  Supreme  Court.  The  position 
is  held  for  life,  and  is  freed  from  political  influence, 
and  is  second  to  none  in  honor.  Then  comes  the  Vice- 
President,  and  next  the  Speaker  of  the  House  of  Eepre- 
sentatives,  who  has  much  more  power  than  the  Vice- 
President.  It  is  the  duty  of  all  others  to  pay  first  visits 
to  these  officials.  Next  in  rank  is  the  General  of  the 
Army,  and  then  the  Admiral  of  the  Navy.  All  of  the 
officials  named  receive  first  calls  from  members  of  the 
House  of  Kepresentatives.  The  rank  and  social  prece- 
dence of  each  official  is  accorded  to  his  wife.  In  the 
army  and  navy  the  ranks  correspond  as  follows:  Vice- 
Admiral  to  Lieutenant-General ;  Eear- Admiral  to  Major- 
General;  Commodore  to  Brigadier-General;  Captain  (of 
the  navy)  to  Colonel,  and  so  on  with  the  lower  grades. 

The  order  of  precedence,  relatively  to  each  other, 
observed  by  the  cabinet  officers,  is  as  follows:  The 
Secretary  of  State,  of  the  Treasury,  of  War,  of  the  Navy, 
the  Postmaster- General,  the  Secretary  of  the  Interior, 
and  the  Attorney- General.  These  officials  all  claim  the 
same  privileges,  and  it  is  only  at  official  receptions,  and 
other  State  occasions,  that  their  order  of  precedence  is 


WASHIXGTON  ETIQUETTE. 


327 


thus  defined.  They  all  expect  to  receive  first  calls,  but 
the  point  is  now  generally  conceded  that  cabinet  officers 
should  call  first  on  senators. 

RECEPTIONS  AND  RECEPTION  DAYS. 

Public  officials  are  considered  in  a  sense  as  public 
servants,  and  certain  days  are  set  apart  on  which 
strangers  are  allowed  to  call  first  upon  them,  thus 
changing  the  usual  custom  that  residents  should  call 
first  on  strangers.  For  this  purpose  Monday  is  Judge's 
day,  and  the  Justices  of  the  Supreme  Court  remain  at 
home  on  that  afternoon,  and,  assisted  by  the  ladies  of 
their  families,  receive  calls  from  strangers  and  others. 
Tuesday  is  reserved  for  the  members  of  the  House  of 
Representatives  ;  Wednesday  for  the  Cabinet  officers  ; 
Thursday  for  the  Senators  ;  Friday  for  the  Diplomatic 
Corps,  and  on  Saturday  the  President's  receptions  are 
usually  held. 

As  it  would  be  manifestly  impossible  for  the  wives 
of  public  officials  to  call  fii^st  on  all  strangers  who  go  to 
Washington,  and  as,  in  theory  at  least,  each  citizen  who 
helps  elect  an  official  is  entitled  to  social  recognition  at 
his  hands,  it  has  become  the  custom  for  our  public 
servants  to  open  their  houses  on  the  days  mentioned 
above,  and  any  one  who  chooses  is  at  liberty  to  attend 
their  informal  receptions.  But  as  Washington  etiquette 
recjuires  that  all  these  calls  shall  be  returned,  a  great 
burden  is  imposed  on  the  hostess,  as  the  number  of  calls 
is  often  very  great.  An  attempt  was  recently  made  by 
the  wives  of  the  Cabinet  officers  to  release  themselves 
from  this  thraldom,  but  it  created  much  dissatisfaction 
and  was  finally  abandoned.  It  would  seem,  however,  as 
though  some  remedy  should  be  found  for  this  evil,  and 


328 


WASHINGTON  ETIQUETTE. 


transient  visitors  should  show  some  regard  for  the  rights 
of  their  public  servants  and  not  demand  too  much  from 
them. 

The  visiting  hours  at  Washington  are  usually  from 
two  until  half-past  five.  Those  who  attend  receptions 
should  always  leave  a  card  with  the  usher  in  the  hall. 
The  wives  of  some  officials  have  private  secretaries, 
who  keep  a  list  of  the  calls  received,  those  returned  and 
those  to  be  returned. 

The  President  and  Cabinet  officers  are  expected  to 
entertain  on  their  days,  but  the  Senators,  Representa- 
tives and  other  officials  are  at  liberty  to  receive  or  not' 
as  they  choose. 

FIRST  CALLS. 

While  it  is  the  rule  in  Washington,  owing  to  the 
peculiar  conditions  of  society,  for  strangers  to  call  first 
upon  residents,  a  proper  self-respect  should  teach  them 
not  to  intrude  themselves  upon  people  of  another  social 
circle,  whom  they  would  not  venture  to  approach  else- 
where, and  who  may  not  desire  the  acquaintance.  Such 
visits  are  often,  and  very  properly,  not  returned 

ADDRESSING  THE  OFFICIALS. 

In  writing  to  the  President  he  should  be  addressed 
as  "  His  Excellency,  the  President  of  the  United  States." 
Members  of  the  Cabinet  are  addressed  as  "  The  Honor- 
able the  Secretary  of  State,"  "  The  Honorable  the  Secre- 
tary of  the  Treasury,"  and  so  on  with  each  of  the  others; 
but  the  words  must  be  written  out  and  not  abbreviated  in 
ceremonious  notes.  The  Yice-President  is  addressed  as 
"The  Honorable  the  Vice-President  of  the  United 
States,"  but  in  conversation  he  is  simply  "  Mr.  Vice- 


WASHINGTON  ETIQUETTE. 


329 


President,"  while  the  Chief  Justice  is  "Mr.  Chief 
Justice,"  and  the  Speaker  of  the  House  is  called  "Mr. 
Speaker."  A  senator  is  spoken  to  as  "Mr.  Senator,' 
and  a  member  of  the  Cabinet  as  "  Mr.  Secretary."  A 
congressman  is  introduced  as  "  The  Honorable  Mr. 
Blank,"  but  he  is  addressed  as  "Mr."  unless  some  other 
title  (like  General)  properly  belongs  to  him. 

The  wives  of  the  officials  are  now  usually  addressed 
with  the  titles  of  tkeir  husbands,  as  "  Mrs.  General 
Grant,"  "  Mrs.  Secretary  Whitney,"  or  "  Mrs.  Senator 
Edmunds." 


COUNTRY  MANNERS  AND 
HOSPITALITY. 


O  ADAPT  one's  manners  to  whatever  cir- 
cumstances one  may  be  in,  and  to  appear 
perfectly  at  home  and  self-possessed,  and 
place  those  with  whom  one  comes  in  con- 
tact at  their  ease,  is  the  perfection  of  good 
manners.  As  we  have  elsewhere  stated, 
to  attempt  amid  the  simple  surroundings 
of  a  country  home  to  ape  the  grand  style 
of  the  palace,  is  absurd.  Shakespeare's 
Shepherd  says  :  "  Those  that  are  good  manners  at  the 
court  are  as  ridiculous  in  the  country  as  the  behavior 
of  the  country  is  most  mockable  at  court."  When  a 
country  farmer  "hitches  up  his  team"  and  takes  his 
wife  over  to  spend  the  afternoon  and  "visit"  some 
friend  four  or  five  miles  away,  any  approach  to,  or 
imitation  of,  the  formalities  of  a  city  "call"  would  be 
so  manifestly  out  of  place  as  to  hardly  need  melition.  It 
is  the  same  in  other  respects.  Manners  are  the  out- 
growth of  the  needs  of  society,  and  are  to  be  studied 
and  observed  as  such. 

When  a  friend  from  the  city  is  entertained  in  the 
country  as  a  guest,  no  effort  need  be  made  to  provide 
the  same  luxuries  and  comforts  that  he  is  surrounded 
with  at  home.  We  are  all  so  constituted  that  we  like 
a  change  at  times,  and  it  is  a  great  relief  to  occasionally 
get  away  from  the  artificalities  of  city  life  and  get  a 
breath  of  God's  pure  air,  and  see  the  green  fields,  and 
the  '^mild-eyed"  cattle  leisurely  chewing  their  cuds 

(330) 


/ 


COUNTRY  MANXEES  AND  HOSPITALITY.  331 

How  delightedly  we  listen  to  the  joyous  notes  of  the 
birds  calling  to  their  mates  or  singing  their  vesper 
songs,  or  to  the  chirping  of  the  crickets  !  What  denizen 
of  the  city  does  not  enjoy  having  the  fretted  and  anxious 
spirit  calmed  and  soothed  by  the  restful  hush  with 
which  nature  veils  herself  for  her  night's  repose! 

When  a  guest  arrives  from  the  city  she  should  be 
met  at  the  train,  greeted  cordially,  and  driven  to  the 
house,  where  ample  provision  should  be  made  with 
clean  towels,  fresh  water,  etc.,  for  her  to  wash;  and  the 
dressing-case  should  contain  comb  and  brush  and  all 
toilet  necessities.  The  guest  should  also  be  allowed  to 
rest  a  short  time  after  the  fatigue  of  the  journey,  before 
being  summoned  to  meet  the  members  of  the  household. 

In  the  country  it  may  be  very  difficult  to  get  the 
daily  supply  of  fresh  meat  to  which  most  city  people 
are  accustomed,  but  this  shortcoming  can  be  atoned  for, 
in  whole  or  in  part,  by  chickens  and  fresh  eggs,  butter, 
cream,  milk,  fruit,  berries  and  vegetables.  These  things 
will  be  a  treat  to  most  residents  of  cities.  These  should 
never  be  omitted,  and  pork  and  pastry  substituted  by 
any  hospitable  hostess.  Hot  biscuits,  muffins,  waffles, 
and  honey  and  good  home-made  preserves  can  also  be 
added  in  most  country  houses,  and  T\ith  the  appetites 
which  will  come  with  the  fresh  air  and  out-door  rambles, 
the  simple  meals  provided  will  be  feasts.  At  the  sea 
shore  fresh  fish  nicely  broiled,  lobsters,  clams,  etc.,  will 
be  highly  relished. 

The  table  linen  should  be  scrupulously  white  and 
clean,  and  the  table  will  be  much  more  attractive  if 
decorated  with  a  few  flowers,  either  wild  or  cut  from 
the  flower  garden,  when  there  is  one. 

A  very  wholesome  fashion  which  is  now  prevalent 
is  to  begin  breakfast  with  a  course  of  fruit.  The  country 
hostess  can  easily  follow  this  custom,  and  set  before  her 


/ 


332  COUNTRY  MANNERS  AND  HOSPITALITY. 

guests  whatever  fruit  is  in  season,  such  as  melons,  pears, 
apples  or  peaches. 

In  the  country  almost  everyone  prefers  to  dine  early, 
in  order  to  have  the  afternoon  clear  for  riding,  driving, 
etc. 

One  other  provision  should  be  made  for  the  comfort 
of  a  guest.  She  should  be  allowed  to  sleep  in  the  morn- 
ing later  than  is  usual  in  most  country  homes.  Residents 
of  cities  are  not  in  the  habit  of  rising  as  early  as  people 
in  the  country  (at  least  not  in  summer),  and  to  call 
them  early  may  spoil  a  customary  morning  nap. 

The  house  should  be  made  bright  and  cheerful  with 
flowers,  and  the  children  may  gather  wild  flowers  to 
ornament  the  rooms.  Their  delicate  beauty  will  be 
novel  and  interesting  to  the  denizens  of  the  cities.  The 
bright  sunlight  should  also  be  allowed  in  the  rooms, 
except  in  extremely  hot  weather,  w^hen  they  may  be 
shaded.  A  pale  and  faded  carpet  is  preferable  to  pale 
and  faded  faces. 

Rides,  drives  and  excursions  may  be  planned,  and 
rambles  through  the  woods,  or  along  the  banks  of  a  lake 
or  stream.  If  mosquitoes  are  troublesome,  immunity  from 
their  bites  may  be  obtained  by  rubbing  the  exposed  parts 
of  the  body,  before  going  out,  with  a  lotion  made  of  one 
ounce  of  glycerine  and  fifty  drops  of  dilute  carbolic  acid- 
A  little  lavender-water  will  disguise  the  odor  of  the  car- 
bolic acid.  If  bitten  during  the  night,  an  application 
of  this  lotion  in  the  morning  will  afford  immediate 
relief;  or  it  may  be  rubbed  on  the  hands  and  face 
before  going  to  bed,  to  prevent  insects  biting.  Any  of 
the  essential  oils  applied  to  the  skin  are  also  said  to  be 
effective  in  preventing  the  bites  of  insects.  A  mosquito 
net,  to  protect  the  bed,  may  be  easily  and  cheaply  made 
by  covering  an  old  umbrella  frame  with  mosquito- 
netting,  and  then  sewing  around  the  edge  a  few  breadths 


COUNTRY  MANNERS  AND  HOSPITALITY.  333 

long  enough  to  cover  the  bed  and  nearly  reach  the  floor. 
This  canopy  can  be  hung  up  by  a  hook  in  the  ceiling? 
and  can  be  drawn  up  out  of  the  way  during  the  day  time. 

In  the  eyenings  the  guests  should  be  allowed  to  sit 
under  the  trees,  or  on  the  piazza,  if  they  seem  so  inclined, 
and  not  forced  into  the  house  to  visit  or  play  games. 
The  charm  of  the  country,  to  the  residents  of  the  dusty 
towns,  is  largely  in  its  "  outdoorness,"  and  the  still 
evenings  are  often  the  most  delightful  part  of  the  day. 

The  guests  at  a  country  home  will,  of  course,  be 
considerate  of  the  convenience  of  their  hostess.  If  the 
breakfast  hour  is  a  little  earlier  than  that  to  which  they 
are  accustomed,  they  should  endeavor  to  rise  in  time, 
even  if  it  is  at  a  little  personal  inconvenience.  They 
should  not  demand  too  much  of  the  hostess'  time  for 
excursions  and  drives,  if  she  has  duties  to  perform,  as 
most  country  people  have.  All  attentions  should  be 
accepted  thankfully,  and  if  the  accommodations  are  a 
little  rough  at  times,  no  notice  should  be  taken  of  it. 
Neither  by  word  or  manner  should  any  unfavorable 
reflections  be  made. 

If  a  lady  wishes  to  work  in  her  garden  or  flower-bed, 
or  perform  any  household  work,  she  should  on  no 
account  feel  any  shame  at  being  seen  thus  engaged,  nor 
offer  any  apology.  If  her  dress,  however,  is  slovenly, 
she  may  well  feel  mortified,  for  a  little  care  and  thought 
would  easily  prevent  her  looking  shabby.  The  writer 
has  seen  ladies  who  did  all  their  own  work,  and  some  of 
it  necessarily  dirty  work,  who  always  had  a  faculty  of 
looking  at  least  presentable.  Labor  and  industry  are 
no  disgrace;  rags  and  slovenliness  are. 


ETIQUETTE  OF  CLUBS. 


LUB  life  in  all  American  cities  is  coming  to 
be  a  very  important  element  of  their  social 
influences.  The  number  of  clubs  is  already 
large,  and  is  increasing  steadily. 

A  new  member,  on  joining  a  club, 
should  familiarize  himself  with  the  rules 
of  the  organization  and  endeavor  to  obey 
them.  While  at  the  club  a  gentleman 
shows  the  same  courtesy  to  others  that  he 
would  at  his  own  house.  He  should  respect  their 
opinions,  avoid  heated  discussions  or  introducing  excit- 
ing or  disturbing  topics  of  conversation,  and  in  general 
refrain  from  giving  offense  to  others. 

The  club  property  should  be  treated  carefully,  and 
the  books,  magazines,  newspapers,  etc,  should  not  be 
mutilated  or  taken  from  the  club-house.  No  one  should 
monopolize  any  article  more  than  his  share  of  the  time. 

All  should  conform  to  the  rules  of  the  club  about 
smoking,  and  no  one  should  smoke  in  the  rooms  where 
it  is  forbidden. 

All  should  talk  in  a  low  tone  of  voice  in  the  reading- 
rooms  and  avoid  disturbing  readers. 

The  servants  of  the  club  should  not  be  sent  on 
private  errands  without  first  obtaining  the  permission 
of  the  superintendent  or  clerk.  Well-bred  members 
never  demand  an  undue  amount  of  attention  from  the 
waiters. 

(335) 


336 


ETIQUETTE  OF  CLUBS. 


As  dogs  are  objectionable  to  many  members,  they 
should  never  be  taken  to  the  club. 

Gentlemen  should  be  very  careful  about  referring  to 
ladies  while  at  the  club-house,  or  indulging  in  any 
gossip  or  scandal.  A  lasting  injury  may  thus  be  easily^ 
and  often  thoughtlessly,  inflicted  on  a  lady,  or  much  ill- 
feeling  aroused. 

A  gentleman  may  wear  the  morning  dress  at  a  club, 
or  in  the  evening  he  may  wear  the  evening  dress;  but 
the  rule  now  is  that  a  gentleman  should  never  wear  the 
full  evening  dress  before  six  o'clock.  Many  men  of 
fashion  prefer  the  evening  dress,  but  the  morning  costume 
is  equally  proper  at  a  club.  The  American  rule  requires 
a  gentleman  to  remove  his  hat  at  luncheon  or  dinner, 
although  the  English  rule  allows  members  to  wear 
them. 

A  club  member  may  introduce  a  friend  at  the  club, 
but  no  one  should  be  thus  introduced  for  whose  character 
he  is  not  ready  to  vouch,  as  he  will  be  held  responsible 
for  the  guest's  behavior,  and,  in  some  clubs,  for  any 
debts  he  may  contract.  Unless  there  is  some  special 
reason  for  doing  so,  or  it  is  particularly  requested,  a 
formal  presentation  of  a  guest  should  not  be  made  to 
the  officers  or  members. 

The  guest  of  a  club  should  conform  to  the  rules  of 
the  organization  while  at  the  club-house,  but  he  may 
also  avail  himself  of  all  the  privileges  of  a  member. 
He  should  not,  however,  introduce  another  stranger,  as 
this  would  be  a  violation  of  all  the  rules  of  hospitality. 

In  a  small  social  club  it  is  entirely  proper  for  a 
member  to  blackball  any  applicant  who  is  disagreeable 
to  him,  as  the  introduction  of  inharmonious  elements 
would  destroy  the  very  object  of  the  club, — namely,  its 
social  enjoyment.  In  larger  organizations,  however,  the 
members  are  not  necessarily  thrown  together,  and  no 


ETIQUETTE  OF  CLUBS. 


337 


one  should  blackball  another  because  of  mere  uncon- 
geniality.  If  there  is  any  blemish  on  his  character,  that 
is  good  ground  for  objecting,  but  personal  dislike  is  not. 

Members  of  small  social  clubs  should  not  persist  in 
introducing  the  names  of  those  who  have  been  black- 
balled. To  do  so  is  evidently  trying  to  force  on  their 
associates  uncongenial  companions. 

The  governing  committees  and  members  of  large 
clubs  should  lay  aside  all  prejudice  and  regard  applicants 
purely  from  the  standpoint  of  their  fitness  for  member- 
ship and  the  interests  of  the  club. 


ETIQUETTE  OF  CONVERSATION. 


O   OTHEE   accomplishment   is   so  highly 
prized  in  modern  society  as  that  of  con- 
versation.   The  accomplished  musician,  or 
artist,  or  writer,  will  not  be  sought  after 
and  welcomed  in  all  circles  like  the  ready 
and  intelligent  talker.    Talking  is  the  one 
universal  accomplishment  which  all  must 
practice  ;  and  those  who   excel  reap  the 
reward  of  honor  and  esteem  from  others, 
and  the  pleasure  they  themselves  derive  from  the  exer- 
cise of  their  talent.    Social  contact  is  one  of  the  greatest 
mental  stimulants,  and  under  its  influence  bright  minds 
grow  brighter  and  dull  minds  are  quickened  and  aroused. 
Contact  with  others  frees  the  mind  from  prejudice,  sug- 
gests new  ideas,  and  gives  one  breadth  and  tolerance. 
Bright  ideas  spring  up  spontaneously  and  unexpectedly, 
and  flashes  of  wit  often  surprise  the  talkers  themselves. 
There  is  hardly  any  one  thing  which  contributes  more 
to  enjoyment  and  success  in  life  than  the  ability  to 
converse  well.    To  amuse,  instruct  and  entertain  those 
with  whom  we  are  thrown  in  contact  is  indeed  an 
accomplishment  which  is  worth  trying  to  acquire. 
Many  men  and  women  owe  almost  all  their  success  in 
life  to  their  ability  to  converse  well,  for  it  is  not  solid 
knowledge  alone  which  wins  in  the  world — the  ready 
and  adroit  way  of  stating  things,  and  the  social  qualities, 
are  also  important  factors.    We  will  endeavor  to  call 
attention  to  some  of  the  faults  and  errors  to  be  avoided, 
and  also  to  give  a  few  hints  on  the  cultivation  of  the  art 
of  conversation. 

(339) 


340 


ETIQUETTE  OF  CONVERSATION. 


PERSONAL  APPEARANCE. 

Half  the  charm  oi  conversation  is  in  the  appearance 
and  manner.  Uncombed  hair,  unclean  linen,  neglected 
teeth,  or  any  lack  of  neatness  will  excite  disgust  and 
detract  from  the  eft'ect  of  what  is  said.  Carelessness  in 
these  things  indicates  an  indifference  to  the  good 
opinion  of  those  with  whom  one  is  talking,  and  a  want 
of  refinement  of  feeling.  Anything  flashy  or  ostenta- 
tious in  the  dress  also  indicates  a  certain  vulgarity  in 
the  wearer,  which  will  create  an  unfavorable  impression. 
A  brilliant  person  may  succeed  in  society  in  spite  of 
some  such  obstacles,  but  they  are  still  obstacles  to 
be  overcome. 

VOICE  AND  MANNER, 

It  was  an  axiom  with  the  old  Greeks  that  a  loud  or 
harsh  voice  indicated  low  breeding.  Any  one  who  will 
listen  to  the  conversation  of  a  company  of  low  and  vulgar 
people  will  be  impressed  by  their  loud  unpleasant  voices, 
while,  on  the  other  hand,  in  cultivated  society  the  soft, 
sweet  voices  are  noticeable.  A  pleasant  voice  will  at 
once  prepossess  a  hearer  in  favor  of  a  speaker.  Study, 
therefore,  to  modulate  and  control  your  voice,  for  it  is 
almost  indispensable  in  agreeable  social  intercourse. 

Beware  of  tricks  and  mannerisms  in  conversation. 
They  will  at  once  impress  strangers,  and  even  close 
friends  are  greatly  annoyed  by  them.  A  perfectly  simple 
and  easy  manner  and  use  of  language  is  the  highest 
art,  and  the  most  agreeable  to  others. 

.     .  THE  SUBJECTS  OF  CONVERSATION. 

A  fund  of  information,  or  knowledge,  is  essential  to 
a  good  talker.  This  knowledge  may  be  either  general 
or  special.    By  special  knowledge  we  mean  that  pos- 


ETIQUETTE  OF  CONVEKSATION. 


341 


sessed  on  special  topics  by  certain  persons,  as  that  of  a 
botanist,  or  geologist,  or  chemist,  in  his  own  field  of 
study.  Such  men  may  be  tedious  and  talk  too  long  on 
their  favorite  subjects,  but  if  judicious  and  fluent  they 
are  often  very  interesting.  But  probably  the  best  quali- 
fication for  conversation  is  a  fund  of  general  knowledge 
of  the  topics  of  the  time,  and  of  persons  and  places  of 
interest.  Wide  reading  and  observation  will  furnish 
the  one,  and  travel  and  mingling  in  society  the  other. 
All  cannot  travel  extensively,  but  most  of  those  who  go 
into  society  can  keep  themselves  informed  on  the  topics 
of  the  day  enough  to  discuss  them  intelligently.  Tact 
and  readiness  will  enable  almost  any  one  to  converse 
agreeably,  but  solid  information  will  win  respect  and 
consideration.  Shallowness  will  show  itself  sooner  or 
later.  The  best  way  to  win  success  is  to  deserve  it. 
Those  who  are  ambitious  to  excel  should  expect  to  earn 
their  success  by  study,  observation  and  tact. 


MODESTY  AND  SIMPLICITY. 


There  is  no  quality  which  more  prepossesses  others 
in  one's  favor  than  modesty.  It  is  near  akin  to  honesty. 
It  is  sometimes  natural,  and  sometimes  acquired — as, 
for  example,  by  the  scientist  who  sees  so  far  into  the 
great  mystery  of  things  as  to  realize  the  littleness  of  his 
own  knowledge.  But  it  always  commands  respect.  True 
modesty,  however,  is  a  very  different  thing  from  prudery. 
The  charm  of  simplicity  consists  in  making  others  feel 
that  they  come  into  direct  contact  with  the  mind  of  its 
possessor.  It  is  directly  different  from  those  artificial 
barriers  which  are  raised  by  the  formal  and  reserved. 
Bismarck  is  said  to  possess  this  quality  in  a  marked 
degree,  and  to  derive  much  of  his  power  from  it. 


342 


ETIQUETTE  OF  CONVEESATION. 


SYMPATHY. 

There  is  no  quality  which  conduces  more  to  pleasant 
social  intercourse  than  sympathy.  People  will  unbend 
to  a  sympathetic  listener,  and  their  thoughts  will  flow, 
when  they  would  feel  awkward  and  constrained  in  the 
presence  of  one  less  appreciative.  Women  possess  this 
quality  more  often  than  men,  and  there  is  no  higher 
social  talent — nor  one  more  rare.  Drawn  out  by  this 
sympathetic  interest,  people  will  be  surprised,  often,  at 
their  own  eloquence,  and  will  go  away  all  aglow  with 
praises  for  the  listener.  But  that  excessive  sympathy, 
the  most  expressive  word  for  which  is  gushing,  is  apt 
to  overshoot  the  mark  and  excite  a  contempt  which  is 
even  worse  than  decided  dislike.  Especially  among  the 
cool-blooded  English-speaking  people  is  this  excessive 
sympathy  resented — it  is  more  tolerated  among  the  Latin 
races.  One  should  be  careful,  therefore,  to  restrain  the 
sympathy,  and  not  give  way  to  excessive  displays  of  it. 

LISTENING. 

To  succeed  well  in  social  intercourse  it  is  quite  as 
important  to  learn  how  to  listen  as  it  is  how  to  talk. 
La  Bruyere  says:  "The  great  charm  of  conversation 
consists  less  in  the  display  of  one's  own  wit  and  intelli- 
gence than  in  the  power  to  draw  forth  the  resources  of 
others:  he  who  leaves  one,  after  a  long  conversation, 
pleased  with  himself  and  the  part  he  has  taken  in  the 
discourse,  will  be  the  other's  warmest  admirer."  It  is 
not  only  important  to  listen  to  others,  but  one  should 
learn  to  seem  interested  in  what  they  say.  Even  if  one 
has  heard  the  same  thing  before,  if  she  can  listen 
patiently,  and  offer  no  interruptions,  she  will  captivate 
the  talker.    The  habit  of  appearing  to  listen,  while  the 


ETIQUETTE  OF  COXYEESATION. 


343 


thoughts  are  wandering  elsewhere,  which  some  people 
acquire,  may  lead  them  into  awkward  predicaments, 
and  should,  therefore,  be  carefully  guarded  against. 

COEKECTING  OTHEES. 

Do  not  try  to  correct  any  little  errors  in  the  state- 
ments of  others,  unless  there  is  some  principle  inTolved, 
or  some  one  is  likely  to  be  injured,  when  one  may 
politely  state  the  case  as  he  understands  it. 

EGOTISM. 

One  great  fault  to  avoid  is  egotism.  One  who  is 
always  talking  about  himself  and  his  own  exploits 
becomes  insufferable.  Do  not  talk  about  your  family, 
your  friends  or  your  wealth  to  others,  nor  attempt  to 
parade  your  learning.  If  you  are  asked  about  a  subject 
with  which  you  are  familiar,  answer  the  question  as 
simply  and  clearly  as  possible,  but  do  not  manifest 
anxiety  to  display  your  knowledge  or  state  your 
opinions. 

STOEIES. 

A  story,  to  be  interesting,  should  be  new  and  appro- 
priate to  the  occasion.  Because  a  story  took  well  once 
is  no  reason  for  repeating  it  for  fifteen  or  twenty  times 
to  the  same  parties.  These  unpleasant  repetitions  may 
be  avoided  by  asking,  "  Did  I  tell  you  the  story  about 
so-and-so? ''  or,  in  the  case  of  anecdotes  confine  yourself 
to  those  of  recent  occurrence.  Learn  to  tell  a  story 
clearly  and  concisely;  and  do  not  tell  more  than  two  or 
three  to  the  same  party  the  same  evening.  Avoid  per- 
sonal jokes  and  cutting  remarks.    Coarse  and  vulgar 


344:  ETIQUETTE  OF  CONVERSATION. 

stories  are  not  only  tabooed  in  decent  society,  but  even 
among  gentlemen  they  are  not  ''good  form."  Old 
stories  in  a  new  dress  are  almost  sure  to  be  detected  by 
some  one. 

PUNS. 

Puns  are  by  many  considered  in  bad  taste.  An 
occasional  pun  may  be  tolerated,  but  constant  punning 
is  very  tedious  and  annoying,  and  is  not  "  good  form»" 

QUESTIONS.  4 

Do  not  ask  pointed  personal  questions.  Do  not  ask 
others  about  their  age,  nor  their  clothes,  nor  their 
wealth,  nor  anything  of  that  kind.  Such  questions  are 
always  impertinent.  Some  people  think  it  a  very  clever 
way  to  draw  others  out  without  committing  themselves 
to  ask  them  questions.  This  often  forces  them  to  touch 
on  subjects  they  do  not  wish  to  discuss,  and  is,  therefore, 
rude.  When  questions  are  asked  to  elicit  information 
that  will  be  interesting  or  valuable  to  others,  or  to  draw 
out  the  diffident,  or  general  questions  asked  to  start  a 
conversation,  they  are  entirely  proper,  but  direct  per- 
sonal questions  are  not. 

ARGUING. 

Avoid  all  heated  discussions  and  arguments  in 
society.  Those  topics  on  which  people  feel  most 
strongly  and  are  most  easily  excited,  like  politics  and 
religion,  should  not  be  introduced  in  general  society. 
Evidences  of  temper  are  always  in  bad  taste,  and  a 
well-bred  person  will  try  to  change  the  conversation 
when  it  becomes  heated  and  excited. 


ETIQUETTE  OF  CONVERSATION 


345 


CONTRADICTIONS. 

Do  not  contradict  others  or  express  doubts  of  the 
truthfulness  of  their  stories.  It  is  not  necessary  to 
express  your  doubts,  but  of  course  you  need  not  assent 
to  anything  you  do  not  believe.  Some  people  have  a 
clever  faculty  of  listening  to  very  improbable  things 
in  a  calm,  good-natured  way,  that  gives  no  offence,  and 
which  is  quite  an  accomplishment. 

COMPLIMENTS. 

To  be  acceptable,  a  compliment  should  be  neat  and 
sincere  If  it  is  awkward,  and  its  sincerity  is  doubted,  it 
will  offend,  and  may  make  an  enemy.  The  flowery 
language  of  compliment,  so  common  in  a  past  genera- 
tion, is  no  lono^-^r  allowed,  and  the  reputation  of  being 
profuse  with  praises  is  not  a  good  one.  Judicious  praise 
is  a  great  stimulus  in  life.  It  encourages  anyone;  and 
when  it  is  deserved,  and  is  evidently  sincere,  it  is  almost 
always  acceptable.  Ladies  are  quick  to  detect  hypoc- 
risy, and  they  soon  despise  the  shallow  flatterer,  so  that 
much  tact  is  needed  in  complimenting  them . 

GIVING  ADVICE. 

Unsought  advice  is  almost  always  unacceptable. 
Certainly  to  assume  superior  wisdom  and  thrust  it  upon 
others  is  very  impertinent.  It  is  a  pretty  safe  rule  not 
to  offer  any  one  advice  until  it  is  asked  for. 

ABOUT  HOBBIES. 

These  should  not  be  introduced  into  general  society 
too  much.  A  man  with  a  hobby  is  sometimes  a  terror 
to  others,  and  again  he  may  be  very  entertaining.  On 


346 


ETIQUETTE  OF  CONVEKSATION. 


the  particular  subject  in  which  he  is  interested  he  may 
shed  a  flood  of  light,  and  yet  it  is  a  narrow  mind  which 
can  only  entertain  one  subject.  Those  who  have  a 
hobby  should  not  ride  it  too  often,  and  they  should  try 
and  develop  other  tastes  as  well.  In  meeting  people 
with  hobbies  one  should  listen  to  them  patiently  and 
learn  all  he  can  from  them. 

"TALKING  SHOP." 

It  is  a  rule  in  good  society  that  men  should  not 
"talk  shop" — that  is,  talk  about  their  own  business. 
The  doctor  does  not  talk  about  his  patients,  nor  the 
lawyer  his  clients,  nor  the  merchant  his  customers. 
They  should  not  intrude  their  private  affairs  on  others . 
Occasionally,  however,  one  may  meet  another  whom  he 
cannot  draw  out  on  any  other  subject,  and  in  such  a 
case  he  may  get  all  the  useful  information  he  can  from 
his  companion  by  letting  him  talk  about  his  business. 

ADAPTABILITY. 

Each  one  should  learn  to  adapt  his  conversation  to 
those  with  whom  he  comes  in  contact.  One  should  not 
try  to  talk  politics  to  ladies  who  are  not  interested  in 
them,  nor  about  crocheting  and  fancy  work  to  a  doctor 
of  divinity.  If  one  is  talking  with  friends  on  any  subject 
and  another  person  approaches,  he  should  explain  the 
purport  of  the  conversation  to  him.  If  a  special  subject 
is  started,  which  is  without  interest  to  some  of  those  in 
the  circle,  it  is  best  to  try  and  change  it  to  a  more 
general  and  more  interesting  topic. 

DRAWING  OUT  OTHERS. 

Many  wise  men,  like  Emerson,  have  made  it  a  rule 
to  try  one  subject  after  another  until  they  started  one 


ETIQUETTE  OF  CONVERSATION. 


347 


on  which  their  companion  was  well  informed  and  could 
talk  fluently,  and  then  they  would  listen  and  learn  all  they 
could.  This  serves  a  double  purpose;  it  pleases  the  one 
who  has  an  opportunity  to  display  his  knowledge,  and 
it  conveys  valuable  information  to  the  listener. 

DISPLAY  OF  TALEN'Tc 

It  is  always  a  foolish  weakness  to  try  and  display 
one's  knowledge.  If  one  is  only  tolerably  well  informed 
the  evident  vanity  of  the  attempt  will  make  him  ridicu- 
lous; and  if  he  has  superior  knowledge  it  is  not  generous 
to  impress  others  with  a  feeling  of  their  ignorance.  To 
exhibit  any  accomplishment  merely  for  display  is  very 
vulgar.  This  is  a  very  different  thing  from  doing  one's 
best  when  others  are  interested,  and  invite  him  to  enter- 
tain or  enlighten  them.  A  cheerful  readiness  to  do  that 
is  always  a  pleasant  trait  of  character.  The  attempt 
should  be  made  without  needless  urging  or  apology. 

WIT. 

The  one  who  can  say  witty  and  amusing  things  with- 
out being  satirical  or  unkind,  may  be,  and  often  is,  very 
popular;  but  anyone  who  makes  sharp  and  satirical 
remarks  is  like  one  wielding  a  sharp  knife.  People 
never  know  who  will  be  cut  next,  and  they  often  fear 
and  dislike  the  operator. 

GOSSIP  AND  SLANDER. 

It  is  almost  needless  to  say  that  gossip  and  slander 
is  unchristian,  ill-bred,  and  the  last  resort  of  shallow 
and  weak  minds.  No  self-respecting  person  should 
engage  in  it.  An  intelligent  person  can  easily  find 
other  themes  of  conversation. 


348 


ETIQUETTE  OF  CONVERSATION. 


COARSENESS  AND  PROFANITY. 

The  use  of  profane  language  is  always  ill-bred  as 
well  as  wicked.  Especially  is  this  true  in  the  presence 
of  ladies,  for  no  gentleman  will  swear  in  their  presence. 
All  indelicate  and  coarse  expressions  and  allusions,  and 
double  ententes^  mark  the  low-bred  and  vulgar  person. 
It  is  usually  best  to  pass  such  things  by  in  contemptuous 
silence. 

SLANG  AND  EXAGGERATION. 

Slang  is  vulgar,  and  it  is  a  blemish  which  only  the 
young  and  uncultivated  fail  to  see.  Another  failing 
near  akin  to  it,  is  the  tendency  to  exaggeration  and 
inappropriateness  of  expression.  A  quiet  unobtrusive- 
ness  of  speech  is  the  surest  evidence  of  good  breeding. 
The  use  of  all  such  expressions  as  "awfully  jolly!" 
''perfectly  beautifull"  "beastly!"  ^^just  too  lovely  for 
anything!  "  "hateful!"  "hori'ible!  "  and  similar  phrases, 
are  in  very  bad  taste,  to  say  the  least.  The  women  who 
use  such  exclamations  as  ''the  Dickens!"  "goodness!" 
'•gracious!"  "my  crackey!"  or  others  of  like  import, 
are  vulgar  and  lacking  in  refinement  of  feeling.  They 
often  approach  dangerously  near  to  "  female  swearing." 

THINGS  TO  CULTIVATE. 

Speaking  of  the  mistakes  of  young  ladies  suggests 
a  few  good  points  for  them  to  cultivate  in  conversation 
which  will  add  to  their  attractiveness.  First — learn  to 
listen  patiently  to  dry  and  prosy  talkers,  and  to  smile 
sweetly  at  an  old  joke  or  twice-told  tale.  Second — learn 
to  be  tolerant  of  the  opinions,  prejudices  and  feelings  of 
others.    Third— learn  to  appear  pleased  with  those 


ETIQUETTE  OF  COXTEESATIOX. 


349 


aronnd  you,  and  gratified  at  what  tliey  do  for  you. 
Fourth — Learn  to  make  little  sacrifices  for  those  near 
you  of  your  own  opinions  and  pleasure  without  apparent 
effort. 

AFFECTATIONS. 

Avoid  all  affectations  and  high  sounding  words  and 
phrases.  Do  not  use  a  word  the  pronunciation  of  which 
you  are  not  sure  of,  and  do  not  use  foreign  words  when 
you  can  express  yourself  equally  well  in  English.  The 
foreign  phrase  may  not  be  understood  by  some  of  those 
present.  The  charm  of  any  conyersation  consists  in  its 
simplicity  and  naturalness,  without  any  straining  after 
effect.  To  use  a  foreign  phrase  and  then  translate  it  is 
to  intimate  that  the  listener  would  not  understand  it 
otherwise — which  may  not  be  complimentary. 

FOEXS  OF  ADDEESS. 

In  addressing  persons  with  titles  the  name  should 
always  be  added,  as  "  What  do  you  think  of  it,  Doctor 
Brown?  "  not  TThat  do  you  think  of  it,  Doctor?  "  The 
latter  form  is  too  familiar,  and  is  wanting  in  respect. 
Do  not  refer  to  people  by  an  initial,  as  "Mr.  B.,"  or 
"Mrs.  C,"  but  give,  the  full  name.  Do  not  address 
people  by  their  christian  names  unless  you  are  very 
intimate  with  them.  To  assume  familiarity  with  stran- 
gers is  very  ill-bred.  Young  ladies  should  not  be 
addressed  as  ''Miss  Hattie,"  "Miss  Mary,"  and  so  on, 
unless  you  are  very  intimate  with  them,  or  you  wish  to 
distinguish  one  sister  from  another.  The  frequent 
repetition  of  "Sir,"  "Ma'am,"  or  "Miss,"  is  not  polite 
between  equals,  as  these  terms  are  employed  to  keep 
those  of  a  different  social  position  at  a  distance.  Always 
give  foreigners  their  titles.    In  speaking  of  distinguished 


350 


ETIQUETTE  OF  CONVERSATION. 


people  give  them  their  titles,  and  say  "  General  Sheri- 
dan," not  "Mr.  Sheridan;"  or  "President  Lincoln,"  not 
'^Mr.  Lincoln." 

SOCIETY  SMALL  TALK. 

Any  one  who  can  talk  at  all  can  unloose  his  tongue 
and  talk  on  special  occasions  to  his  friends,  or  to  a  few 
appreciative  listeners;  but  to  go  into  a  company  of 
strangers  and  make  them  feel  at  home,  and  overcome 
their  natural  coldness  and  diffidence,  and  start  them  on 
some  theme  of  general  interest,  requires  social  talent  of 
the  highest  order.  Some  people  seem  to  be  born  with 
a  faculty  for  touching  lightly  on  various  trifling  things, 
until  the  ice  is  broken,  and  a  friendly  feeling  created  by 
hitting  on  some  subject  of  mutual  interest,  and  others 
who  mingle  much  with  strangers  acquire  the  gift;  but 
many  people  flounder  hoplessly  in  their  efforts  to  launch 
the  ship  of  conversation  and  start  it  smoothly  on  its 
voyage. 

Many  people  ask, — What  shall  I  talk  about  on 
meeting  strangers?  "  It  is  a  hard  question  to  answer. 
Some  people  prepare  themselves  in  advance  with  certain 
general  questions,  such  as, — "What  do  you  think  of 
Henry  Irving's  acting?"  or  "What  do  you  think  of 
George  Eliot's  novels?"  or  "Do  you  believe  in  premo- 
nitions?" Any  general  subject  like  these,  of  general 
interest,  will  do.  By  trying  various  questions  on  topics 
of  the  time,  one  may  hit  on  some  subject  that  will  start 
her  companion  off  on  a  fluent  and  intelligent  discussion 
that  will  be  of  real  profit  and  interest.  To  ask  ques- 
tions in  this  way  is  much  better  than  to  start  in  by 
expressing  decided  views  of  one's  own.  Thus  the  adroit 
method  would  be  to  say, — "  Have  you  read  '  Kobert 
Elsmere?"'  If  the  reply  is  "Yes,"  the  next  question 
would  naturally  be, — "How  did  you  like  it?"    Now,  if 


ETIQUETTE  OF  CONYEESATION. 


351 


the  one  thus  addressed  was  really  interested  at  all  in 
the  work,  he  will  naturally  either  criticise  it  or  express 
approval,  and,  the  discussion  thus  started,  it  can  pass  to 
other  books  or  other  topics;  for,  the  wheels  once  set  in 
motion,  the  conversation  can  run  on.  If,  on  the  other 
hand,  a  lady  starts  into  the  conversation  by  expressing 
her  own  opinion  of  "  Kobert  Elsmere,"  it  may  be  that 
her  companion  has  never  read  the  book,  and  does  not 
care  two  straws  about  it,  and  the  opinions  expressed 
may  seem  very  dry  to  him,  and  he  may  be  terribly  bored 
by  them,  although  too  polite  to  show  it.  A  lady  with 
tact  will  try  and  gauge  her  companion,  and  start  him 
on  some  subject  in  which  he  is  interested.  In  talking 
with  a  musician,  the  subject  of  music  may  be  intro- 
duced; if  she  finds  herself  beside  a  young  man  fond 
of  fishing,  that  may  be  introduced,  as,  for  example? 
by  inquiring:  "What  kind  of  fish  do  you  prefer  catch- 
ing?" and  so  on.  The  writer  once  knew  a  young  man 
who  from  a  boy  had  possessed  a  great  passion  for 
engines.  A  certain  young  lady  once  found  herself 
thrown  in  with  him  in  society,  and  she  started  various 
subjects  of  conversation  without  avail.  He  was  as 
dumb  as  an  oyster.  At  last  she  hit  on  the  subject  of 
machinery  by  asking  some  question,  and  his  whole 
appearance  changed,  his  eyes  began  to  shine,  and  away 
he  went  on  a  most  enthusiastic  discussion  of  his  favorite 
theme.  About  all  she  did  thereafter  was  to  listen,  and 
the  young  man  went  aw^ay  with  the  feeling  that  he  had 
met  an  unusually  interesting  young  lady.  (She  had  no 
special  knowledge  of,  or  liking  for,  machinery,  but  she 
had  succeeded  in  making  the  young  man  enjoy  himself 
in  her  presence,  and  had  won  his  friendship — a  very 
desirable  thing  to  do. 

.  The  most  exasperating  people  are  those  who  meet 
every  advance  with    an    "Oh!''    "Ah!"  "Indeed!" 


352 


ETIQUETTE  OF  CONVERSATION. 


"Eeally,  now,  I  don't  know!"  But,  fortunately,  such 
sublime  stupidity  is  not  common.  One  who  is  ready 
with  small  talk  is  usually  a  favorite  in  society,  and  one 
can  excel  here  without  great  learning  or  profound 
thought.  If  small  talk  does  not  furnish  the  motive 
power  in  society,  it  oils  the  wheels  and  helps  the 
machinery  to  run  smoothly. 

SUGGESTIONS  ABOUT  LANGUAGE. 

To  converse  well,  one  should  avoid  all  stilted  phrases 
and  all  appearance  of  affectation.  The  words  should  be 
well  chosen,  and  the  simpler  the  better.  The  frequent 
introduction  of  foreign  words  is  in  bad  taste,  and,  fortu- 
nately, it  is  not  at  present  the  fashion.  It  is  a  well- 
known  rule,  in  both  speaking  and  writing,  that,  with  few 
exceptions,  the  Saxon  words  are  better  than  those  of 
Latin  origin.  They  are  clearer  and  more  forcible.  It 
is  very  important  that  the  grammar  should  be  correct, 
as  in  (titivated  society  nothing  will  offend  the  listener 
more  than  to  hear  an  ungrammatical  expression.  Any 
one  who  should  say, — "  I  done  it,"  or  "  I  seen  him,"  in 
good  society,  would  be  at  once  set  down  as  an  unculti- 
vated and  ignorant  person.  Books  of  grammar,  and  the 
writings  of  the  best  authors,  will  teach  one  the  correct 
use  of  language.  In  this  country,  fortunately,  there  are 
not  many  dialects,  but  all  localisms  and  peculiarities  of 
accent  should  be  guarded  against;  and  yet,  while  the 
speech  is  correct,  it  should  be  free,  easy  and  spontaneous. 
It  is  better  to  make  an  occasional  mistake  than  to 
appear  to  be  straining  after  precision.  Nothing  is  worse 
than  a  stilted  boarding-school  style.  There  are  several 
books  which  may  be  purchased  for  a  small  price,  which 
point  out  the  more  common  errors  of  speech,  and  which 
may  be  well  studied  by  those  whose  early  education  was 
limited.   Some  people  who  are  striving  for  self- education, 


ETIQUETTE  OP  CONVERSATION. 


353 


and  who  feel  conscious  of  their  own  early  disadvantages, 
and  are  very  anxious  not  to  betray  their  deficiencies, 
will  over-do  the  thing.  They  will  say  "it  transpired'' 
for  "  it  occurred; "  they  never  go  to  bed — they  "  retire; " 
they  do  not  live  in  New  York — they  "  reside  "  there ;  and 
so  on.  These  affectations  make  one  appear  very  ridicu- 
lous. 

There  is  probably  no  other  country  so  free  from 
localisms  as  America.  The  dialects  which  are  so  plainly 
marked  in  many  European  countries  are  comparatively 
unknown  here.  There  are  a  few  peculiarities,  however, 
such  as  the  Yankee  dialect,  which  Lowell  preserves  in 
some  of  his  poems,  the  strong  Southern  dialect,  etc.  Any 
tendency  to  such  peculiarities  of  speech  should  be  over- 
come. A  brogue  is  inelegant  and  offensive,  and,  with  a 
little  effort,  can  often  be  so  outgrown  as  hardly  to  be 
noticed. 

A  few  of  the  common  inaccuracies  of  speech  which 
should  be  guarded  against  are  the  following:  Do  not 
say  "I  seen  it,"  for  "  I  saw  it;"  "He  done  it,"  for  "  He 
did  it;"  "  Who  did  you  see  ?  "  f or  "  Whom  did  you  see ?  " 
"  If  he  had  went,"  for  "  If  he  had  gone; "  "It  was  him," 
for  "It  was  he;"  "It  is  me,"  for  "It  is  I;"  "He  is 
younger  than  me,"  for  "He  is  younger  than  I."  A 
common  eri'or  is,  "Between  you  and  I,"  for  "Between 
you  and  me."  Never  say  "Henry  and  me  are  going 
out,"  for  "Henry  and  I  are  going  out;"  nor  use  them 
for  those^  as  "them  chairs,"  or  "them  hats,"  for  "those 
chairs,"  or  "  those  hats."  Don't  say  "  Had  not  ought 
to,"  for  "Ought  not  to."  "Because  that"  and  "but 
that"  are  not  proper  together,  the  word  "that"  being 
superfluous.  "  Try  and  make  him  "  for  "  Try  to  make 
him  "  is  a  mistake  often  made.  Don't  say  "  yourn  "  for 
"  yours,"  nor  "  no-how  "  for  "  by  no  means."  "  Tour  "  is 
pronounced  "toor,"  not  "tower." 


854 


ETIQUETTE  OF  CONVERSATION. 


A  common  misuse  of  words  is  to  confuse  lay  with 
lie,  and  sit  with  set,  as  "she  is  setting  on  the  chair" 
for  "she  is  sitting  on  the  chair"  (hens  set,  women  do 
not);  or  "I  will  lay  down"  for  "I  will  lie  down." 
"Right  away"  is  an  Americanism  frequently  used  for 
*'  at  once,"  as  "  I  will  go  right  away  "  for  "  I  will  go 
at  once."  Say  "  handf  uls "  or  "spoonfuls,"  instead  of 
"handsfull"  or  "spoonsfull."  Don't  use  "drank"  for 
"  drunk,"  as  "  His  health  was  drank  "  for  "  His  health 
was  drunk."  Don't  say  "  unhealthy  food "  when  it 
should  be  "unwholesome  food,"  nor  use  the  word 
"lend"  for  "loan."  Don't  misuse  the  word  "guess," 
by  saying  "I  gttess"  for  " I  think, "nor "I  expect"  for 
"I  suppose."  To  say  ''ain't"  is  always  inelegant. 
Don't  abbreviate  "  gentlemen"  into  "gents,"  nor  "pant- 
aloons "  into  "  pants."  We  might  extend  the  list  indefin- 
itely, but  we  wish  only  to  insist  on  the  importance  of 
correctness  in  the  use  of  language. 

Among  common  errors  of  pronunciation  we  would 
mention  clipping  the  final  consonants  in  such  words  as 
coming.,  going,  seeing,  which  are  often  pronounced 
comin\  goin\  seeing  and  so  on.  Yankees  will  sometimes 
say  ketch  for  catch,  and  ken  for  can,  and  dew  tell  for 
do  tell.  The  sound  of  o  is  often  changed  to  that  of  e,  as 
in  saying /e-Z/er  ior  felloiv,  meller  for  mellow^  ivinder  for 
window,  and  so  on  with  similar  words.  Don't  pronounce 
calm,  palm  and  psalm  as  if  they  rhymed  with  jam. 
The  a  has  the  broad  sound  as  in  farthing.  Simon 
Peter's  provincialisms  betrayed  him  to  the  residents  of 
Jerusalem,  and  it  was  useless  to  deny  his  residence,  for 
they  said,  "thy  speech  bewrayeth  thee,"  So  defects  of 
pronunciation  will  often  betray  one's  origin  in  spite  of 
the  most  faultless  outward  appearance.  The  accent  is 
a  little  thing,  but  it  should  be  carefully  watched  by 
those  who  would  mingle  in  polished  society. 


ETIQUETTE  OF  CONVEBSATION- 


355 


PEONUNCIATIOX  IN  ENGLAND. 

In  cultiyated  society  in  England  the  pronunciation 
of  many  words  is  very  different  from  the  apparent  pro- 
nunciation, such  as  would  appear  to  those  who  have 
only  seen  them  in  print.  It  may  interest  some  of  our 
readers  to  know  the  correct  pronunciation,  sanctioned 
by  the  usage  of  English  ''society,"  and  so  we  append  a 
list  of  a  few  words,  giving  first  the  word  and  then  its 
pronunciation: 

Abemethy,  Aberneethy ;  Amherst,  Am'  -must ;  Bagot,  Bag '-got; 
Beauchamp,  Beecham ;  Beaumont,  Bo ' -munt ;  Belgrave,  Bel '  -griv; 
Berkeley,  Bark' -ly;  Berkshire,  Barksheh;  Brougham,  Broom; 
Bourne,  Burn:  Broughton,  Braw-tun;  Gains  (the  college  at  Cam- 
bridge) Xee.s ;  Chatham,  C7ia^'??i;  Chelsea,  C7ier-S2/;  Cholmonde- 
lej,  Chumley ;  CockhuTn,  Ko ' -burn ;  Co^e,  Cook;  Conduit,  Czm- 
dit;  Contts,  Koots:  Cowper  (the  poet),  Kooper;  Colquhoun, 
Koo-hoon' ;  Cromwell,  Crum'-well;  Dalzell,  Dee' -el;  Derby, 
Dar  '-by;  Disraeli,  Diz-ray-ly :  Durham,  Durr' -771;  Hij,  E' -lee; 
Evelyn,  Eve'-lin;  Eyre,  Air;  Geoffrey,  Jef'-ry;  Gloucester, 
Gloster ;  Gifford,  Jif'-ford;  Greenwich,  Grin'  -nieh ;  Greville, 
Grev'-ll;  Grosvenor,  Grove' -ner ;  Harwich,  Har' -rich:  Hawar- 
den, Hay -war -den;  oiHar-den;  Keathcote,  Heth-cut ;  Hertford, 
Har'-fud;  Holbom,  Ho' -bun;  Knollys,  Knoles;  Ligh,  Lee; 
Leicester,  Les'-ter;  Leitrim,  Lee' -trim;  Lewes,  Lewis;  Magda- 
lene (the  college  at  Oxford)  Atawd-lin;  Majoribanks,  March' . 
banks;  Marlborough,  Mawl-bo-ro;  Mary-le-bone,  Marry '-lyun; 
McLeod,  McCloud ;  Midhurst,  Mid  -dust ;  Napier,  Nay '  -peer ;  Nor- 
wich, iVor  -?^?(ige ;  Vaget,  Pad  -get ;  Pall-Mail,  Pell-McU ;  Pepys 
Pep '  -is ;  Ponsonby ,  Pun '  -sonby ;  Powell,  Po  -ell ;  Powlett,  Po  '- 
let;  Parnell,  Par-neZr  ;  'Ri^on,  Rip-pon :  Eochdale,  i^ofcA-deZZ; 
Eokeby,  Rook '  -by  ;  Salisbury,  Sawls '  -bry ;  Shrewsbury,  Shrows '  - 
bry;  Stanhope,  Stan '-up;  St.  John,  Sinjin;  St.  Leger  (race) 
Sallin  -ger ;  Strahan,  Strawn;  StTachan,  Stray ' -un ;  Sydenham, 
Sid'-mim;  Teignmouth,  Tm'-muth;  Thames,  Terns;  Thorold, 
Tliur  -rold;  Tyrwhitt,  Tir-ritt;  Tichborne,  Titch'-bun;  Trafal- 
gar, rre/-aZ-grer ;  Vaughn,  Forn;  Viscount,  F?/ ' -coim^ ;  Waltham, 
Wall' -tarn;  Waldegiave,  Wal  -grave  :  Wemyss,  TFeeTTis ;  Wool- 
wich, Wool '  -itch  ;  Worcester,  Wooster  ;  Younge,  Young. 


356 


ETIQUETTE  OF  CONVERSATION. 


A  FEW  "DON'TS!" 

Dou't  interrupt  others  when  they  are  talking, nor  let  your  eyes 
wander  about  to  other  things,  but  keep  them  on  the  speaker. 

Don't  whisper  or  giggle  or  indulge  in  confidences  in  the 
presence  of  others.    It  is  very  rude. 

Don't  correct  another  who  makes  an  error  in  grammar  or 
pronunciation,  unless  you  do  it  so  quietly  as  not  to  give  qtfense, 
and  in  the  absence  of  others. 

Don't  be  prudish,  and  affect  excessive  modesty.  Don't  say 
"limb"  for  "leg." 

Don't  express  your  opinions  too  freely  on  all  occasions — 
certainly  not  when  you  have  reason  to  think  they  will  give  offense 
to  others. 

Don't  boast  of  your  own  achievements,  nor  your  wonderful 
dog,  nor  your  wealth,  nor  your  family  or  pedigree. 

Don't  address  others,  especially  ladies,  in  a  flippant  manner. 
It  is  ill-bred. 

Don't  gesticulate,  nor  fidget,  nor  fumble  with  your  watch 
chain,  nor  twirl  your  eye-glasses,  nor  loll  in  your  chair  when 
talking.    Be  calm,  quiet  and  self-possessed. 

Don't  introduce  politics  or  religion,  or  other  disturbing 
questions,  into  a  mixed  assembly. 

Don't  use  satire  or  ridicule  when  they  will  hurt  the  feelings 
of  others.    Do  as  you  would  be  done  by. 

Don't  hide  the  lips  with  the  hand  or  a  fan  when  talking. 

Don't  appear  absent-minded  or  indifferent  when  another 
person  is  talking  to  you. 

Don't  try  to  shine  in  all  companies  and  on  all  occasions. 

Don't  have  long  private  conversations  with  members  of  your 
own  family  when  in  society. 

Don't  whisper  or  talk  on  private  matters  with  any  one  in 
society. 

Don't  begin  to  talk  without  knowing  what  you  are  going  to 

say. 

Don't  correct  mistakes  in  the  language,  accent  or  statements 
of  others. 

Don't  lose  your  temper  in  society. 

Don't  mimic  others,  nor  sneer  at  them  or  their  affairs. 

Don't  attack  the  character  of  others  in  their  absence. 

Don't  refer  to  the  affairs  of  others  when  it  will  pain  them. 


ETIQUETTE  OF  CONYEESATION. 


357 


Don't  ask  pointed  personal  questions,  nor  pry  into  the  private 
affairs  of  another.  Don't  ask  the  price  of  articles  you  see  another 
have. 

Don't  button-hole  an  acquaintance. 

Don't  say  anything  to  remind  another  of  the  time  "when  he 
was  less  genteel  or  affluent  than  at  present. 

Don't  brag  in  society  of  the  time  when  you  were  poor,  and  of 
your  great  ability  in  getting  ahead. 

Don't  ahvays  take  the  opposite  side  in  every  question  that  is 
discussed. 

Don't  talk  to  another  in  society  in  vague  and  ambiguous 
terms  which  he  alone  will  understand. 

Don't  tell  long  and  uninteresting  stories. 

Don't  monopolize  the  conversation  or  talk  too  much. 

Don't  indulge  in  personalities  in  conversation.   It  is  ill-bred. 

Don't  exaggerate — it  is  near  akin  to  falsehood. 

Don't  be  egotistical  or  conceited.  It  is  not  only  ill-bred — it  is 
evidence  of  a  weak  mind. 

Don't  speak  lightly  of  women,   To  do  so  is  coarse  and  ill-bred. 

Don't  betray  the  confidence  of  another  under  any  circum- 
stances. 

Don't  try  to  appear  important.  You  will  be  ridiculed  and  set 
down  for  an  impostor. 

Do  not  speak  of  persons  who  are  absent  by  their  christian 
names,  unless  they  are  relatives  or  intimate  friends,  but  always 
refer  to  them  as  Mr.  Blank,  Mrs.  Blank  or  Miss  Blank.  In  speak- 
ing of  a  foreigner,  give  him  his  f uU  name.  Give  your  unmarried 
children,  when  speaking  of  them  to  any  one  except  servants,  their 
christian  names  only,  or  speak  of  them  as  "my  daughter"  or 
"my  son." 


UNSETTLED  POINTS  OF 
ETIQUETTE. 


KNOWLEDGE  of  etiquette  has  been 
defined  as  a  knowledge  of  the  rules  of 
society  at  its  best.  But  society  developes 
its  own  laws  as  they  are  needed ;  and  as  con- 
ditions change  social  observances  change 
also,  and  so  we  often  find  minor  points  of 
etiquette  on  which  there  is  some  difference 
of  opinion  and  of  observance  even  in  the 
best  circles  of  society.  We  have  not  in  this 
country  any  courts  to  settle  mooted  points  and  set  the 
fashion  for  all  classes  of  society;  but  there  never  was  a 
time  when  the  great  mass  of  the  people  were  so  fully 
alive  to  the  importance  of  good  manners,  or  so  anxious 
to  learn  what  the  best  social  usages  are.  Writers  on 
etiquette  attempt  to  record  and  explain  to  their  readers 
the  customs  of  society;  but,  moving  in  different  circles, 
and  often  occupying  different  stand-points,  they  some- 
times vary  on  a  few  minor  questions.  Uniformity  is 
very  desirable,  as  it  prevents  confusion  and  saves  people 
from  making  mistakes  which  would  lead  others  to 
ascribe  ignorance  and  lack  of  breeding  where  there  was 
only  a  difference  of  local  custom.  For  this  reason  it 
may  be  well  to  mention  a  few  of  these  unsettled  points 
to  our  readers. 

THE  RIGHT  OR  LEFT  ARM. 

Mrs.  Dahlgreen,  in  her  admirable  little  work  "  Eti- 
quette of  Social  Life  in  Washington,"  says:  "Dinner 
announced,  the  host  offers  his  left  arm  to  the  lady,"  etc., 

(359) 


360  UNSETTLED  POINTS  OF  ETIQUETTE. 

while  Mrs.  H.  O.  Ward,  in  her  work  entitled  Sensible 
Etiquette  of  the  Best  Society,"  says:  "  Then  the  dinner 
is  announced,  and  the  host  offers  his  right  arm  to  the 
lady  who  is  to  be  escorted  by  him."  Now  here  is  a 
direct  conflict  of  opinion,  one  authority  saying  the  left 
arm  should  bo  offered,  and  the  other  the  right.  Which 
is  right?  The  weight  of  authority  is  at  present  in  favor 
of  the  right  arm.  The  old  rule  used  to  be  that  gentle- 
men offered  ladies  the  left  arm  on  the  street  and  in  the 
house.  The  custom  can  be  traced  back  to  the  time 
when  men  passed  to  the  left,  both  on  foot  and  on  horse- 
back; and  placing  the  lady  on  the  left  arm  shielded  her, 
and  left  his  right  arm  free  to  grasp  the  sword,  which 
was  often  needed  in  those  days  for  self-protection. 
Now,  however,  men  no  longer  wear  swords  to  protect 
themselves  from  insult,  and  they  always  turn  to  the 
right  in  passing  others.  By  placing  the  lady  on  the 
right  arm  she  is  saved  from  being  jostled  by  those  they 
meet,  and  it  also  leaves  her  right  hand  free  to  manage 
her  train,  which  is  often  a  matter  of  some  importance. 
In  some  countries  people  still  pass  to  the  left,  and  still 
offer  the  left  arm,  but  the  prevailing  rule  in  America  at 
present  is  to  offer  the  right  arm  to  ladies.  The  advan- 
tage is  obvious  when  the  reason  is  understood. 

GIVING  LADIES  THE  " INSIDE"  OK  "WALL." 

The  old  rule,  still  laid  down  in  some  books  of 
etiquette,  that  ladies  should  be  given  the  "  inside "  or 
**  wall "  when  walking  with  a  gentleman  on  the  street, 
originated  when  there  were  no  sidewalks  and  it  was 
necessary  to  give  the  lady  the  wall  to  shield  her  from 
passing  carriages  and  animals.  It  is  sometimes  said, 
also,  that  giving  the  lady  the  left  arm  will  in  many 
cases  give  her  the  wall,  and  that  is  advanced  as  one 


UNSETTLED  POINTS  OF  ETIQUETTE.  361 

reason  for  offering  her  the  left  arm;  but  in  these  days, 
with  sidewalks  everywhere,  the  rule  no  longer  holds. 
As  we  have  said  before,  by  keeping  the  lady  on  the 
right  arm  she  is  best  shielded  from  unpleasant  jostling, 
and  it  is  not  now  customary  to  change  her  from  one  arm  to 
the  other,  when  a  street  is  crossed,  in  order  to  give  her 
the  "  inside  "  or  "  wall."  The  time  has  come  to  discard  all 
those  old  laws,  which,  w^hile  they  were  useful  in  their 
time,  no  longer  contribute  to  the  comfort  or  convenience 
of  the  individual  or  the  community. 

WHO  SHOULD  BOW  FIRST. 

Another  point,  about  which  there  has  been  some 
discussion  and  uncertainty,  is  the  rule  regarding  bow- 
ing. Many  authorities  insist  that  the  lady  should  bow 
first,  and  the  gentleman  should  always  wait  for  her  to 
do  so.  That  has  been  the  generally-accepted  rule  in 
America.  Those  advocating  the  custom  claim  that  it  is 
a  safeguard  to  the  ladies,  allowing  them  to  drop  unde- 
sirable acquaintances,  as  a  failure  to  bow  is  interpreted 
as  a  "  cut "  and  a  termination  of  the  acquaintance.  On 
the  other  hand,  it  is  claimed  that  the  rule  was  first  made 
in  England,  to  apply  to  introductions  given  at  balls,  and 
that  it  was  never  intended  to  become  universal.  It  is 
further  claimed  that  many  ladies  are  forgetful  of  faces, 
or  near-sighted,  and  that  if  a  gentleman  who  has  been 
introduced  would  bow  on  meeting  the  lady,  it  would 
serve  to  recall  him  to  her  mind,  and  that  it  is  a  very 
easy  matter  for  a  lady  to  repel  a  pushing  acquaintance 
in  other  ways  than  by  omitting  the  bow  on  meeting  him. 
"  Though  a  quickness  for  remembering  faces  and  names 
is  one  of  the  hall-marks  of  good  breeding,"  says  Mrs. 
Ward  in  "  Sensible  Etiquette,"  "it  is  an  impossibility  for 
those  whose  circles  are  widely  extended  to  remember  all 


362 


UNSETTLED  POINTS  OF  ETIQUETTE. 


who  have  been  introduced  to  them  .  .  .  while  a  gentle- 
man cannot  fail  to  remember  a  lady  whom  he  has  known 
well  enough  by  sight  to  ask  for  an  introduction  to  her." 
Again,  she  says:  "Pages  written  upon  the  subject 
would  not  exhaust  the  evils  arising  fi'om  this  obnoxious 
rule,  as  foreign  to  the  spirit  of  a  republic  as  it  is  to  the  - 
instincts  of  the  well-bred."  On  the  other  hand,  Mrs, 
Sherwood  says,  in  her  work  on  "Manners  and  Social 
Usages:"  '^A  gentleman,  after  being  introduced  to  a 
lady,  must  wait  for  her  to  bow  first,  before  he  ventures 
to  claim  her  as  an  acquaintance."  On  the  Continent 
the  gentleman  bows  first,  but  Anglo-Saxon  etiquette 
requires  the  lady  to  take  the  initiative. 

There  are  many  reasons  for  hoping  that  the  rule 
maybe  somewhat  modified  in  future, for  a  bow  hurts  no 
one,  and  the  rule  often  causes  misunderstandings;  but, 
at  present,  the  rule  for  the  gentleman  to  wait  for  the 
lady  to  recognize  him  seems  to  be  so  well  accepted  that 
to  violate  it  might  cause  ladies  to  imagine  that  the 
gentleman  so  doing  was  either  bold  and  pushing,  or 
ignorant  of  the  laws  of  good  society. 

ON  SENDING  INVITATIONS,  ETC. 

In  America  the  rule  has  been  that  invitations,  accept- 
ances and  regrets  should  be  sent  by  messenger,  but  in 
England  it  is  considered  respectful  to  send  them  by 
mail;  and  Mrs.  Sherwood  asks:  "As  our  people  are 
fond  of  copying  that  stately  etiquette,  why  should  they 
not  follow  this  sensible  part  of  it?"  These  missives,  if 
sent  by  mail,  would  often  be  delivered  more  promptly 
and  safely  than  when  trusted  to  a  tardy  or  careless 
messenger.  The  innovation  has  so  many  points  in  its 
favor  that  we  wish  it  might  be  adopted ;  and  all  that  is 
needed  is  to  have  the  example  set  by  a  few  of  the  social 


UNSETTLED  POINTS  OF  ETIQUETTE. 


363 


leaders,  and  it  would  become  general,  and  it  may  be 
said  that  invitations  are  being  sent  by  mail  more  and 
more  every  year. 

COURTESIES  TO  OTHERS. 

One  writer  on  etiquette  says  that  it  is  no  longer 
etiquette  for  ladies  to  say  "  thank  you  "  for  small  courte-  ' 
sies  received,  such  as  passing  change  in  an  omnibus, 
restoring  a  fallen  umbrella,  etc.  When  in  New  York  a 
short  time  ago,  a  friend  of  the  writer  arose  in  a  crowded 
car  and  offered  a  lady  his  seat.  A  gentleman  who  was 
with  him,  a  resident  of  New  York,  called  his  attention 
to  it  afterwards,  and  said  that,  while  it  was  etiquette  in 
some  cities  to  yield  seats  in  that  way  to  ladies,  it  was 
not  in  New  York.  Now  any  attempt  to  restrain  anyone, 
lady  or  gentleman,  from  thanking  a  stranger  for  an  act 
of  courtesy,  or  to  prevent  gentlemen  from  showing  a 
polite  deference  to  ladies,  is  an  effort  to  encourage  bad 
manners.  Courteous  attentions  to  others  are  always 
"good  form"  with  sensible  people  anywhere. 

CONCERNING  CHAPERONAGE. 

Another  unsettled  point,  which  is  exciting  some 
discussion  at  present,  is  that  of  chaperonage  for  young 
ladies.  A  few  writers  are  insisting  that  all  young  ladies 
must  be  accompanied  by  a  chaperon,  and  in  some 
wealthy  circles  in  our  cities  the  custom  is  undoubtedly 
gaining  in  favor.  Many,  on  the  other  hand,  insist  that 
it  is  a  useless  custom  in  America,  and  that  it  is  a  foolish 
imitation  of  a  custom  which,  even  in  Europe,  is  only 
observed  by  the  few;  and  they  claim  that  experience 
has  abundantly  proved  that  the  young  ladies  who  have 
grown  up  in  attendance  at  our  public  schools,  and  from 
earliest  childhood  have  -associated  freely  with  those  of 


364:  UNSETTLED  POINTS  OF  ETIQUETTE 

their  own  age  of  the  opposite  sex,  are  not  thereby 
demoralized  or  injured.  On  the  contrary,  they  claim 
that  to  introduce  the  French  system,  and  break  up  this 
freedom  of  intercourse,  would  do  more  harm  than  good. 
Again,  they  say  that  to  adopt  the  custom  generally,  and 
insist  that  no  young  lady  shall  be  seen,  unaccompanied  by 
a  chaperon,  at  any  entertainment  or  place  of  amusement 
or  on  the  streets  or  in  the  stores,  will  impose  a  heavy 
burden  on  the  large  class  of  well-bred  persons  of  limited 
means  who  cannot  spare  the  time  to  always  accompany 
their  daughters,  nor  afford  to  employ  such  a  costly  attend- 
ant; while  the  parvenu  will  glory  in  the  opportunity  of 
seeing  her  daughter  thus  accompanied.  "  I  ain't  no  lady 
myself,  but  I  can  afford  to  hire  'em,"  said  one  of  these 
arrogant  parvenus  who  had  engaged  a  cultivated  and 
accomplished  lady  to  chaperon  her  daughters.  At 
present  it  must  be  said  that  the  custom  is  mainly  con- 
fined to  a  limited  circle  of  people  in  the  cities,  but  the 
great  body  of  cultivated  and  well-bred  people  of  limited 
means  do  not  recognize  the  necessity  of  having  their 
daughters  followed  and  watched  in  this  way.  There  is 
also  another  class  of  conservative  people  who  are  at 
present  inclined  to  adopt  a  middle  course  in  the  matter, 
and,  while  not  going  to  the  full  extreme  of  adopting  the 
French  system,  they  are  inclined  to  restrict,  somewhat, 
the  freedom  formerly  allowed  to  the  American  girls. 
The  chaperon  may  in  time  become  a  necessity  to  all  who 
would  appear  well-bred,  but  she  is  not  yet  acclimated, 
and  it  will  be  some  time,  we  suspect,  before  her  sway  is 
generally  recognized — if  the  time  ever  comes  in  America. 
But  in  the  ultra-fashionable  society  of  our  cities  a  chap- 
eron is  the  ''proper  thing"  at  present,  and  should  be  so 
recognized  by  all  those  who  aspire  to  enter  its  ranks. 
The  custom  furnishes  genteel  and  often  profitable 
employment  to  many  ladies  of  limited  means  to  act  as 


UNSETTLED  POINTS  OF  ETIQUETTE.  365 

chaperons,  and  it  pleases  the  vanity  of  a  certain  class  of 
parents  and  daughters,  while  in  some  instances  a  young 
lady  may  be  instructed  in  the  social  forms  with  which 
she  is  not  familiar,  and  so  introduced  into  society  that 
her  social  success  will  be  more  certain. 

ABOUT  AFTER-CALLS. 

Another  point  on  which  uncertainty  exists  in  some 
minds  is  in  regard  to  making  calls  after  afternoon  teas, 
receptions,  kettledrums,  etc.  On  this  point  the  rule  is 
now  generally  established  that  when  one  attends  in 
person,  or  sends  a  card  to  any  of  these  entertainments, 
no  after-call  is  required.  Those  who  attend  leave  a 
card  on  the  table,  and  those  unable  to  go  may  send  a 
card,  and  that  is  all  that  is  needed.  An  after-call  is 
always  required  after  a  dinner  invitation;  but,  on  other 
occasions,  in  New  York  and  other  cities,  cards  may  now 
be  left  afterward  in  person,  or  sent  by  a  servant,  and 
this  takes  the  place  of  the  after-call. 


MISCELLANEOUS  RULES  OF 
ETIQUETTE. 


NDEE  the  head  of  "Miscellaneous  Kules  of 
Etiquette"  we  shall  offer  a  few  general  hints 
on  the  subject,  which  did  not  seem  to  come 
appropriately  in  the  other  chapters  of  our 
work.     We  have  endeavored  to  treat  the 
various  branches  of  etiquette  which  are 
(^fl^^  usually  discussed  in  books  of  this  character, 
oj[  and  to  touch  on  as  many  as  possible  of  the 
points  which  are  likely  to  arise  from  time  to 
time,  in  the  natural  course  of  events,  with  the  readers 
of  our  work,  and  in  doing  thus  we  have  tried  to  be 
mindful  of  the  wants  of  the  various  classes  of  society — 
not  confining  our  suggestions  to  any  one  class. 

ADAPTABILITY. 

Learn  to  adapt  yourself  to  the  society  in  which  you 
may  be  placed  for  the  time  being.  "  In  Eome,  do  as  the 
Eomans  do,"  is  an  old  saying  touching  this  point.  Good 
breeding  may  at  times  require  one  to  violate  the  minor 
rules  of  politeness,  rather  than  to  seem  haughty  or 
unsociable. 

Do  not  inflict  your  moods  upon  others,  nor  pour 
pathetic  tales  of  your  woes  and  pains  into  the  ears  of 
those  with  whom  you  are  thrown  in  contact.  Unless  it 
is  an  intimate  friend  on  whose  sympathy  you  have  a 
claim,  you  have  no  right  to  harrow  up  the  feelings  of 

(367) 


368  MISCELLANEOUS  RULES  OF  ETIQUETTE. 

another  needlessly.  It  is  selfish.  Do  not  enter  society 
in  a  gloomy  and  morose  spirit.  If  you  cannot  be  cheerful 
and  entertaining,  send  your  regrets  and  stay  away. 

When  another  person  tries  to  make  you  the  recipient 
of  a  woful  tale,  try  and  listen  patiently,  and,  if  possible, 
sympathetically.  "Weep  with  those  that  weep,  and 
rejoice  with  those  that  rejoice,"  is  the  apostolic  injunc- 
tion. This  may  at  times  require  a  little  effort,  but  it  is 
true  politeness. 

A  WORD  ABOUT  MINUTE  FORMALITIES. 

It  is  related  of  a  certain  old  painter,  that,  in  explaining 
his  success  in  mixing  his  paints  to  one  of  his  students, 
he  said  that  he  "mixed  them  with  his  brains."  So,  in 
consulting  any  book  of  etiquette,  the  readers  must 
always  interpret  its  rules  more  or  less  with  their  own 
common  sense.  The  underlying  principles  of  etiquette 
do  not  vary,  but  the  minute  observances  do.  They  not 
only  vary  from  year  to  year  somewhat,  but  they  also 
vary  in  different  countries,  and  in  different  parts  of  the 
same  country.  There  is,  thus,  not  only  a  difference 
between  the  social  customs  oi  France,  England  and 
America,  but  there  is  also  a  difference  between  the  con- 
ventionalities required  in  the  wealthy  circles  of  New 
York  or  New  Orleans,  and  the  simpler  requirements  of  a 
little  village  in  Dakota  or  Alabama.  We  beg  our  readers 
to  remember  that  society  evolves  its  own  social  laws  as 
they  are  needed,  and  the  mission  of  a  book  like  this  is 
to  gather  together  as  many  of  these  rules  as  possible 
and  state  them  for  the  benefit  of  those  who  are  interested, 
and  who  desire  to  know  what  the  requirements  of  society 
are.  Again,  while  there  is,  of  course,  a  good  deal  of 
difference  between  the  minute  formalities  expected  of 
the  wealthy  classes  in  our  cities,  and  the  less  ceremo- 


MISCELLANEOUS  KULES  OF  ETIQUETTE.  369 

nious  manners  of  a  farming  district,  or  a  small  country 
town,  so  there  is,  also,  a  difference  between  the  style 
observed  by  a  merchant  prince  supporting  an  establish- 
ment with  a  large  retinue  of  servants,  and  the  clerk  or 
mechanic  with  an  income  of  only  seven  or  eight  hundred 
dollars  a  year.  It  is  foolish  and  snobbish  for  people  of 
limited  means  to  try  and  ape  the  grand  style  which  is 
appropriate,  and  observed  as  a  matter  of  course,  by  the 
very  rich.  Such  conduct  deceives  no  one  and  only 
makes  the  actor  ridiculous.  The  most  perfect  etiquette 
would  seem  to  require  each  one  to  understand  his  or 
her  condition  and  surroundings,  and  conform  to  them. 

Bright  young  ladies  or  young  men  going  from  the 
country  to  the  city  will  try  and  inform  themselves  about 
what  the  social  customs  of  the  place  require,  so  as  not 
to  offend  the  taste  of  those  whom  they  meet,  or  who 
may  entertain  them ;  while  those  Avho  go  from  the  city 
to  the  country  may  well  lay  aside  some  of  their  formali- 
ties and  conform  to  the  customs  of  those  with  whom 
they  mingle.  But  no  law  of  etiquette  will  require  a 
country  host,  in  entertaining  a  city  guest,  to  try  and  put 
on  an  agonizing  amount  of  style  for  the  occasion.  A 
reasonably  clever  guest  will  see  through  it,  and  be 
rendered  uncomfortable  by  it;  while  a  city  host,  enter- 
taining a  "  country  cousin,"  will  readily  overlook  any 
trifling  shortcomings.  A  really  high-bred  person  will 
accept  kindnesses  in  the  spirit  in  which  they  are  offered. 
There  is  no  higher  law  of  etiquette  than  the  golden  rule, 
and  all  fastidious  conventionalities  must  give  way 
before  it. 

EASE  AND  SELF-POSSESSION. 

It  is  an  indication  that  you  are  ill-at-ease  to  be 
fidgety  and  fussy  in  any  society  in  which  you  may  be 
placed.    Learn  self-control  and  quietness  of  manner. 


370  MISCELLANEOUS  RULES  OF  ETIQUETTE. 


Do  not  let  your  thoughts  dwell  on  yourself,  as  that  will 
usually  increase  your  nervousness.  People  are  apt  to 
estimate  the  good  breeding  of  any  one  by  the  ease  and 
simplicity  of  his  manners.  Affectation  is  one  of  the 
brazen  marks  of  vulgarity. 

THE  RIGHT  OF  PRIVACY. 

The  privacy  of  another  should  be  sacredly  respected. 
Never  enter  a  private  room,  anywhere,  without  knocking, 
as  no  relationship  will  justify  such  an  intrusion.  Do 
not  look  over  another's  shoulder  and  read  a  letter  or 
paper,  nor  pick  up  and  read  a  private  paper,  whether 
the  owner  is  present  or  not,  Avithout  permission.  Eegard 
the  boxes,  trunks,  bureau  drawers,  packages  and  papers 
of  another,  whether  locked  or  unlocked,  sealed  or 
unsealed,  as  private  and  sacred.  Books  in  an  open 
book-case,  or  books  or  cards  on  a  center  table,  or  news- 
papers, are  presumably  free  for  inspection.  Even 
members  of  the  same  family  should  respect  the  indi- 
viduality of  each  other,  and  the  right  of  each  one  to 
certain  hours  and  certain  places  which  will  be  free  from 
intrusion. 

PUBLIC  DISPLAYS  OF  TALENT. 

No  one  should  ever  thrust  herself  forward  and  appear 
anxious  to  display  any  talent  in  the  presence  of  others. 
If  asked  to  sing  or  play  in  society,  however,  a  ready 
consent  should  be  given,  unless  there  is  some  good  and 
sufficient  reason  for  declining,  in  which  case  the  refusal 
should  be  polite  but  positive.  Consent  should  not  be 
given  witJi  a  reluctant  or  condescending  air.  Accept 
the  invitation  as  an  honor,  and  esteem  it  a  pleasure  to 
entertain  others. 


MISCELLANEOUS  RULES  OF  ETIQUETTE.  371 


Never  urge  others  to  perform  in  public.  Extend 
them  a  cordial  invitation,  and  express  the  pleasure  it 
will  give  you  and  the  others  to  hear  them;  but  if  they 
decline,  let  the  matter  drop. 

COUGHING,  SNEEZING,  YAWNING,  ETC. 

If  it  is  necessary  to  cough  or  clear  the  throat  while 
in  the  presence  of  others,  do  so  as  quickly  and  quietly  as 
possible.  Hold  the  handkerchief  before  the  face  when 
you  cough.  By  pressing  the  thumb  and  finger  on  the 
sides  of  the  nose,  a  sneeze  may  be  checked;  if  not  checked, 
hold  the  handkerchief  before  the  face  when  you  sneeze. 
Suppress  a  yawn  when  possible;  when  not,  hold  your 
handkerchief  over  your  mouth.  Never  spit,  nor  blow 
the  nose  loudly  in  society.  Snuffing  and  hawking  are 
very  vulgar. 

GENERAL  HINTS. 

Never  break  an  engagement  unless  it  is  absolutely 
unavoidable.  Punctuality  is  an  evidence  of  good  breed- 
ing. 

Never  refuse  to  accept  an  apology.  That  must  prevent 
an  open  quarrel,  if  it  does  not  restore  friendship. 

Any  civil  question  should  receive  a  polite  and  cour- 
teous answer.  Crossness  and  surliness  is  an  evidence 
of  ill-breeding. 

It  is  only  snobs  who  are  uncivil  to  inferiors. 

It  is  very  ill-bred  to  go  into  any  society  with  the 
breath  smelling  of  onions,  garlic,  cheese  or  other  strong 
odors. 

Never  be  too  familiar  with  a  new  acquaintance.  It 
is  better  to  be  a  little  too  formal.  One  can  be  courteous 
without  being  familiar.  To  address  a  mere  acquaint- 
ance by  his  or  her  christian  name  is  a  presumption,  and 
may  give  offense. 


372  MISCELLANEOUS  KULES  OF  ETIQUETTE. 

Never  read  while  in  company,  but  one  can  look  over 
a  book  of  engravings. 

An  air  of  abstraction  in  society  is  ill-bred,  because 
it  appears  disrespectful  to  others.  Any  eccentricity 
will  render  others  uncomfortable,  and  is,  therefore, 
ill-bred. 

Do  not  appear  intensely  sensitive  about  your  own 
rights  and  dignity,  nor  resent  every  little  real  or  imaginary 
slight.  Give  precedence  to  those  whose  age  or  social 
position  entitles  them  to  it,  and  be  more  careful  to  give 
others  their  rank  of  precedence  than  to  take  your  own. 

Do  not  introduce  religious  topics  in  mixed  society, 
nor  thrust  your  views  on  others.  A  respect  for  religious 
opinions  and  religious  observances  is  an  evidence  of  a 
refined  mind. 

A  sure  mark  of  good  breeding  is  the  suppression  of 
any  undue  emotion,  such  as  anger,  mortification,  laughter, 
or  any  form  of  selfishness.  Express  your  opinions  with 
modesty  and  avoid  heated  discussion,  as  there  is  seldom 
any  profit  in  it. 

Never  look  frequently  at  your  watch  or  clock  in  the 
presence  of  others.  It  looks  as  though  you  were  tired  of 
their  presence  and  longed  for  a  release. 

Do  not  exhibit  petulance  or  anger  in  the  presence 
of  others. 

Do  not  boast  of  your  birth,  money  or  friends,  nor  of 
your  deeds  or  accomplishments. 
Do  not  ask  the  age  of  another. 

To  sneer  at  or  notice  the  personal  defects  or  deformi- 
ties of  others  is  the  height  of  rudeness  and  vulgarity. 

Do  not  pass  between  two  persons  who  are  talking 
together,  and  do  not  pass  in  front  of  another  when  it 
can  be  avoided.  If  absolutely  necessary,  apologize  for 
so  doing. 

Keproving  anyone  in  the  presence  of  others  is  impolite. 


MISCELLANEOUS  KULES  OF  ETIQUETTE.  373 


As  the  time  of  a  business  man  is  valuable,  do  not 
consume  it  unless  you  have  business  with  him. 

A  commission  from  a  friend  should  be  scrupulously 
performed.    It  is  better  to  decline  than  to  neglect  it. 

A  slight  bow  may  be  made  as  a  general  salutation  on 
entering  a  room,  and  then  the  different  individuals  may 
be  addressed. 

Always  enter  a  room  quietly,  without  slamming  the 
door,  stamping  with  the  feet  or  making  any  other  dis- 
turbance. 

To  scratch  your  head  or  any  part  of  your  body,  or 
pick  your  teeth  or  nose,  or  clean,  trim  or  bite  your 
finger-nails  in  company,  is  extremely  ill-bred. 

Never  exercise  your  wit  on  your  friends.  A  jest 
with  a  sting  in  it  cannot  fail  to  give  offense. 

When  calling  or  visiting  in  the  house  of  another,  do 
not  handle  or  criticise  the  ornaments. 

Hints  to  Ladies. — A  lady  need  never  enter  into 
explanations  concerning  those  whom  for  any  reason  she 
does  not  invite  to  her  house.  It  would  be  completely 
relinquishing  her  own  rights  to  do  that. 

The  gossip  is  either  malicious  or  uncultivated,  or 
both. 

Ladies  do  not  offer  or  take  the  arm  when  escorting 
each  other,  except  as  a  younger  lady  offers  assistance  to 
the  old  and  feeble. 

The  woman  who  knows  how  to  grow  old  gracefully 
will  adapt  her  dress  to  her  figure  and  her  age,  and  wear 
colors  that  suit  her  complexion. 

Never  allow  a  gentleman  to  take  a  ring  off  your 
finger,  or  a  bracelet  from  your  arm,  for  examination. 
If  you  wish  him  to  see  them,  remove  them  yourself. 

Do  not  slap  a  gentleman  with  your  handkerchief 
nor  tap  him  with  your  fan. 

Do  not  hold  the  arm  or  hand  of  a  friend  all  the  time 


374  MISCELLANEOUS  RULES  OF  ETIQUETTE. 

she  sits  beside  you,  nor  kiss  and  fondle  her  before 
others. 

Do  not  sit  cross-legged.  Do  not  keep  slipping  a 
ring  up  and  down  your  finger. 

Do  not  drum  on  a  piano  aimlessly,  nor  hum  a  tune 
in  the  presence  of  others. 

Never  manifest  undue  curiosity,  nor  try  to  pry  into 
the  private  affairs  of  others. 

Hints  to  Gentlemen. — Never  enter  the  presence  of 
a  lady,  smelling  of  tobacco  or  wine.  Never  smoke  in 
the  presence  of  ladies  without  permission  (it  is  better 
not  to  do  so  even  then),  and  never  smoke  in  a  room 
which  is  frequented  by  ladies. 

Never  sit  in  the  house  in  the  presence  of  ladies  with 
your  hat  on.  A  true  gentleman  instinctively  removes 
his  hat  as  soon  as  he  enters  a  house.  Always  remove 
the  hat  in  the  theatre  or  other  public  place  of  amusement. 
To  remove  the  hat  in  an  elevator  when  ladies  enter,  is  an 
evidence  of  politeness;  and  the  hat  should  be  lifted 
when  passing  ladies  who  are  strangers  in  corridors,  on 
staircases  and  on  entering  public  rooms. 

Never  assail  a  woman's  good  name,  nor  mention  her 
name  lightly  or  sneeringly  in  any  company.  Lord 
Chesterfield  says,  "Civility  is  particularly  due  to  all 
women;  and  remember  that  no  provocation  whatsoever 
can  justify  any  man  in  not  being  civil  to  every  woman ; 
and  the  greatest  man  would  justly  be  reckoned  a  brute 
if  he  were  not  civil  to  the  meanest  woman.  It  is  due 
to  their  sex,  and  is  the  only  protection  they  have  against 
the  superior  strength  of  ours." 

A  gentleman  precedes  a  lady  or  walks  by  her  side, 
when  going  up  or  down  stairs. 

Chewing  tobacco  is  a  filthy  and  vulgar  habit. 

To  use  profane  or  extravagant  language  is  very 
coarse. 


MISCELLANEOUS  EULES  OF  ETIQUETTE.  375 

Do  not  lean  your  head  against  a  wall,  as  it  may  soil 
the  paper. 

Always  perform  any  little  act  of  courtesy  for  a  lady 
which  she  may  require,  such  as  picking  up  a  glove, 
handing  her  a  chair,  etc. 


LETTERS  AND  NOTES. 


T  THE  present  clay  letter  writing  is  almost 
uniA'ersal.  There  are  very  few  people  who 
do  not  at  some  time  write  letters  of  business 
or  friendship,  and  it  certainly  is  a  matter  of 
no  small  consequence  that  they  should  know 
how  to  write  them  correctly.  A  clearly- 
expressed,  well  written  letter  will  produce  a 
favorable,  while  an  illegible  and  tingram- 
matical  epistle  cannot  fail  to  produce  an 
unfavorable,  impression.  The  days  of  long  and  gossipy 
letters  have  gone  by.  The  lengthy  and  stately  letters  so 
common  in  our  gi'andmother's  days  are  rarely  seen  now. 
Our  letters  are  more  fr-equent  and  shorter.  They  are 
also  more  correct,  and  inaccuracies,  if  less  common,  are 
more  noticed  and  ciiticised.  It  is  often  said  that  ladies 
excel  as  letter  writers,  and  it  is  undoubtedly  true  that, 
for  ease  and  facility  of  exjjression,  and  in  social  and 
friendly  correspondence,  they  far  surpass  the  sterner 
sex;  and  yet,  few  letters  are  free  from  mistakes  in  form 
or  matter.  There  is  certainly  no  good  reason  why  so 
much  time  should  be  devoted  to  cultivating  the  various 
accomplishments  which  fit  one  for  social  life — such  as 
music  and  dancing — and  the  art  of  correspondence 
should  be  neglected.  Letters  often  reveal  character 
more  perfectly  than  conversation,  as  the  writer  is  off 
guard  and  gives  expression  to  the  real  feelings.  TThat- 
ever  is  worth  doing  at  all.  is  worth  doing  well,  and  this 
is  emphatically  true  of  letter  writing;  for,  while  spoken 
words  may  be  ephemeral  and  soon  forgotten,  the  written 

(377) 


378 


LETTERS  AND  NOTES. 


word  may  last  for  years  and  perpetuate  the  evidence  of 
one's  ignorance  or  carelessness. 

THE  PAPER  TO  USE. 

The  old  style  of  highly-colored  paper,  emblazoned 
with  various  figures  and  designs,  is  out  of  date.  A  few 
light  tints  are  allowable,  but  there  is  one  style,  which 
is  possibly  the  most  polished,  and  which  would  be 
considered  in  good  form  in  any  part  of  the  world,  and 
that  is  fine,  heavy,  plain  white  English  note  paper, 
folded  square  and  put  into  an  envelope  which  just  fits 
it.  It  is  such  paper  that  the  Princess  of  Wales 
would  use,  and  to  such  paper  no  critic  would  take 
exception.  Odd  shapes  and  striking  colors  may  have 
occasional  or  temporary  spells  of  being  in  fashion,  but 
the  former  style  is  always  in  good  form,  year  after  year. 

Invitations  should  be  written  on  rather  small  paper 
of  the  best  quality.  The  envelope  should  be  perfectly 
plain. 

The  plan  of  having  one's  address  engraved  and 
printed  at  the  head  of  the  sheet  is  an  excellent  one,  as  it 
always  gives  the  address  of  the  writer — an  important 
item  which  many  people  omit  in  their  letters.  The 
date  and  address  should  always  be  given  at  either  the 
beginning  or  end  of  every  letter;  in  notes,  custom 
sanctions  giving  it  at  the  close.  At  present,  monograms 
are  allowable,  and  so  are  a  lady's  initials  stamped  at  the 
head  of  the  letter,  but  the  simpler  forms  are  in  the  best 
taste.  The  square  cards  now  often  used  for  short  notes 
are  in  good  form. 

Except  in  business  correspondence,  where  the  regular 
letter-sheets  are  used,  a  letter  should  never  be  written 
on  a  half -sheet  of  paper.  To  use  a  torn,  soiled  or  half- 
sheet  of  paper  in  social  correspondence  is  very  bad 
form. 


LETTERS  AXD  NOTES, 


379 


Paper  that  is  very  delicately  perfumed  may  be  used 
by  ladies,  but  it  is  not  appropriate  for  gentlemen. 

Many  people  think  it  a  positive  insult  to  receive  a 
social  or  friendly  note  on  a  postal  card.  Their  only 
recommendation  is  their  cheapness,  and  for  economy's 
sake  to  send  personal  notes  open  to  the  inspection  of 
inquisitive  eyes  is  not  good  form.  For  brief  business 
notes,  however — such  as  shopping  orders  sent  by  mail, 
etc. — they  are  perfectly  proper,  but  they  should  not  be 
used  in  social  correspondence. 

Black-edged  paper,  with  envelopes  to  match,  is  quite 
generally  used  by  people  in  mourning,  but  some  people 
dislike  and  never  use  it,  and  there  is  certainly  no  good 
reason  why  it  should  be  used  by  those  not  inclined  to 
do  so.  The  width  of  the  black  border  varies,  being 
adapted  to  the  nearness  of  the  deceased  relative,  and  the 
recentness  of  the  bereavement.  There  was  a  black 
border  nearly  an  inch  deep  on  the  letter  of  condolence 
sent  by  Queen  Yictoria  to  Mrs.  President  Lincoln  after 
her  husband's  assassination.  The  black-edged  paper 
should  of  course  be  discarded  when  the  period  of 
mourning  is  over. 

Letters  of  condolence  need  not  be  written  on  black- 
edged  paper  unless  the  writer  is  in  mourning.  Many 
people  seem  to  erroneously  feel  that  they  should  write 
such  notes  on  mourning  paper. 

Ruled  papers  are  reserved  for  business  correspond- 
ence. That  used  for  invitations  and  private  correspond- 
ence should  be  plain  and  unruled.  Those  who  cannot 
write  straight  without  a  line  to  follow  should  use  a 
sheet  of  heavily-ruled  paper  underneath  the  one  on 
which  they  write,  the  lines  of  which  will  show  through 
and  serve  as  a  guide.  It  is  better,  however,  to  learn  to 
write  straight  without  any  such  guide,  and  the  ability 
can  be  acquired,  with  a  little  practice,  by  most  people. 


380 


LETTERS  AND  NOTES. 


THE  USE  OF  SEALING  WAX  AND  WAFERS. 

Sealing-wax  is  again  coming  into  favor,  although  its 
use  had  almost  died  out.  Many  fastidious  people 
prefer  to  use  wax,  but  it  is  much  better  to  use  the  regular 
gummed  envelope  than  to  make  a  great  slovenly  seal  on 
an  envelope.  Every  young  lady  should  learn  how  to 
seal  a  letter  neatly.  A  good  impression  may  be 
obtained  by  covering  the  face  of  the  seal  with  linseed 
oil,  dusting  it  with  rouge,  and  then  pressing  it  firmly 
and  rapidly  on  the  soft  wax.  Either  red  or  black  wax 
is  proper,  but  wafers  should  never  be  used — they  are 
not  in  good  form. 

THE  INK. 

Clear  black  ink  should  always  be  used.  The  fancy 
colored  inks,  which  were  in  vogue  a  few  years  ago,  and 
which  are  now  sometimes  seen,  are  not  considered 
elegant.  No  other  color  is  so  appropriate  as  black  for 
all  correspondence. 

FOLDING  THE  LETTER. 

A  letter  or  note  should  always  be  folded  carefully 
and  put  into  the  envelope  correctly,  that  is,  in  such  a 
way  that  it  will  not  be  necessary  to  turn  the  letter  over 
to  read  it  when  it  is  taken  out.  The  envelope  should 
be  directed  neatly,  legibly  and  in  the  proper  form.  Be 
careful  always  to  have  the  address  full  and  plain.  The 
postage  stamp  should  be  put  on  straight  and  in  the 
proper  place,  that  is  on  the  upper  right-hand  corner. 
It  looks  very  slovenly  and  careless  to  see  a  stamp  put 
on  to  an  envelope  in  an  unusual  place,  or  in  a  crooked 
and  irregular  way.  Little  things  like  these  always 
attract  attention,  and  create  an  unfavorable  impression. 


LETTEES  AND  NOTES. 


381 


DATING  LETTEES  WITH  FIGUEES. 

In  business  letters  a  custom  has  grown  up  of  dating 
letters  with  figures  alone,  as,  for  example,  14: — 9 — '88. 
This  may  be  allowable  in  commercial  correspondence, 
although  it  is  objectionable  even  there,  for  many  people 
cannot  decide  the  date  without  making  a  calculation 
about  whether  August,  September  or  October,  is  the 
ninth  month;  and  the  old  method  is  certainly  prefer- 
able because  clearer.  But  in  invitations  and  social 
correspondence,  such  abbreviations  are  not  allowable. 

THE  HANDWEITING,  SPELLING  AND  GEAMMAE. 

Every  one  should  cultivate  an  even,  legible  and 
graceful  handwriting.  The  Horace  Greeley  style  may 
be  good  naturedly  condoned  in  a  great  man  like  him, 
but  it  is  an  insufferable  nuisance  in  ordinary  corres- 
pondence, and  cannot  fail  to  create  an  unfavorable 
impression  of  the  writer,  while  a  graceful  and  attractive 
note  preposesses  those  who  receive  it  in  the  writer's 
favor.  The  precise  and  characterless  style  of  the 
writing  master  is,  however,  by  no  means  desirable. 
Individuality  is  as  important  in  penmanship  as  in  other 
things.  The  spelling  should  be  faultlessly  correct. 
Errors  in  grammar  and  spelling  stamp  one's  standing 
like  the  mark  of  Cain,  and  no  excuse  can  obliterate 
or  atone  for  it. 

BLOTTED  AND  SLOVENLY  LETTEES. 

Never  plead  want  of  time  nor  any  other  reason  for 
sending  a  blurred,  blotted  or  slovenly  note  to  anyone. 
To  send  such  a  missive  is  almost  an  insult  to  the 
recipient,  and  is  certainly  a  disgrace  to  the  sender.  The 


382 


LETTEES  AND  NOTES. 


paper  should  be  clean  and  fresh,  and  never  crumpled  or 
stained  in  any  way.  Good  stationery  is  not  expensive 
in  these  days,  and  all  who  write  at  all  can  use  it.  By 
all  means  use  fine  stationery  for  letters  and  notes. 

THE  WEITER'S  style. 

Few  directions  can  be  given  regarding  the  style  of 
writing.  That  should  vary  with  the  subject  from  the 
precise  and  formal  to  the  easy  and  familiar  style  of 
old  friends  or  relatives.  An  easy  and  graceful  style 
may  be  the  result  of  natural  aptitude,  or  of  education 
and  study.  It  may  be  acquired,  in  a  measure  at  least, 
by  most  people,  and  is  certainly  worth  striving  for. 
One  of  the  best  rules  is  to  write  as  you  would  talk  if 
your  correspondent  was  present.  Think  over  what  you 
want  to  say,  and  then  try  and  arrange  your  thoughts 
systematically  and  express  them  as  clearly  and  simply 
as  possible.  Avoid  a  stilted  and  afiected  style,  and  the 
use  of  large  and  many-syllabled  words.  Affectation  is 
even  worse  in  writing  than  in  talking. 

THE  USE  OF  ABBEEVIATIONS  AND  FIGUEES. 

Abbreviations  are  not  allowable  in  formal  notes,  nor 
in  social  correspondence.  To  economize  time  business 
men  adopt  various  abbreviations ,  and  custom  sanctions 
it,  but  the  rule  does  not  hold  good  outside  of  business 
circles.  To  use  "  Dr  "  for  "  Dear,"  "  ans."  for  "  answer," 
"  &  "  for  "  and,"  or  any  similar  abbreviation,  is  in  very 
bad  form.  Except  in  the  date  or  in  the  address,  as 
when  giving  the  street  number,  numerals  are  not  allow- 
able in  notes  or  letters.  The  numbers  should  be  written 
out;  thus,  in  stating  that  "he  passed  three  houses"  it 
should  never  be  written  "  he  passed  3  houses."    But  it 


LETTEES  AND  NOTES. 


383 


is  always  proper  to  give  figures  in  an  address,  as  "  201 
Jackson  street."  To  write  it  "two  hundred  and  one 
Jackson  street"  would  look  very  awkward,  because 
custom  prescribes  the  other  form ;  and,  also,  the  former 
is  much  shorter  and  more  easily  written. 

The  following  are  a  few  of  the  more  common  abbrevi- 
ations which  are  used  and  sanctioned  in  polite  letter 
writing:  Titles  used  immediately  before  or  after  proper 
names, — such  as  "Hon.,"  "Eev.,"  "Esq.,"  etc.  (for  a 
more  completelist  of  these  abbreviations,  see  further  on  in 
this  chapter  under  the  head  of  "Titles");  when  the  day 
is  given  in  figures,  in  connection  with  the  month,  as 
"  Aug.  3d,"  "Sept.  1st,"  etc.  (not  really  abbreviations)  ; 
names  of  States,  as  Ala.,  Yi,  etc.;  "viz."  for  videlicit 
(meaning  "namely,"  or  "to-wit");  "i.  6."  for  id  est 
(meaning  "it  is  ") ;  " e.  ^."  for  exempli  gratia  (meaning 
"for  example");  "etc."  for  et  cwfera;''  ^^ult."  for 
ultimo  (last  month);  "inst."  for  instant  (the  present 
month);  "prox."  for  proximo  (next  month);  "a.  m.," 
"  M."  and  "  p.  M.,"  for  forenoon,  noon  and  afternoon;  "-y." 
for  versus;  "vol."  for  volume,  and  "chap."  for  chapter. 
There  are  many  technical  abbreviations  (like  those  used 
in  chemistry,  for  instance)  which  may  be  used  with 
propriety,  but  we  cannot  attempt,  in  this  place,  to  give  a 
list  of  such  abbreviations.  The  use  of  unusual  abbrevi- 
ations (like  "wh."  for  which,  "dr."  for  dear,  and  so  on) 
are  not  in  good  form  in  any  correspondence. 

ABBKEYIATIONS  OF  FEENCH  PHEASES. 

There  are  a  few  French  phrases  that  are  often  used 
in  notes  and  invitations,  and  for  the  convenience  of  our 
readers  we  append  those  most  common.  The  English 
phrases  are,  however,  preferred  by  many. 


384 


LETTERS  AND  NOTES. 


French  phrase, 

R4pondez  sHl  vous  plait. 
Pour  prendre  conge. 
Pour  dire  adieu. 
En  ville. 

Costume  de  rigueur. 
Fete  champetre. 

Soiree  dansante. 
Bal  masque. 
Soiree  musicale. 


Abbreviation.  Meaning. 

R.  S.  V.  P.    Reply  if  you  please. 
P.  P.  C.       To  take  leave. 
P.  D.  A.      To  say  farewell. 
E.  V.  In  the  town  or  city. 

Costumes  to  be  full  dress. 

A  country  (or  rural)  enter- 
tainment. 

A  dancing  party. 

A  masquerade  ball. 

A  musical  entertainment. 


POSTSCRIPTS  AND  UNDERSCORING. 

So  much  ridicule  has  been  lavished  on  the  female 
custom  of  always  adding  a  postscript  that  it  is  hardly- 
necessary  to  allude  to  it  here.  Postscripts,  however,  are 
in  bad  taste  and  should  never  be  used  when  they  can  be 
avoided-as  they  nearly  always  can.  Neither  should  words 
be  underscored.  Disraeli  said  that  underscoring  was  the 
refuge  of  the  "feebly  forcible,"  and  it  is  certainly  in 
bad  taste  to  continually  underscore  words;  and  yet  it  is 
a  very  frequent  custom  among  a  certain  class  of  writers. 
While  it  might  be  too  much  to  say  that  it  should  never 
be  practiced,  it  is  entirely  safe  to  say  that  it  should  be 
resorted  to  very  rarely,  and  the  lavish  use  of  under- 
scoring is  in  execrable  taste. 


CROSSING  THE  WRITING. 


Another  bad  habit  which  is  quite  too  common  is  that 
of  turning  a  sheet  half  around  and  writing  a  second 
time  across  the  page — making  a  kind  of  checker-board 
letter  of  it.  This  is  always  in  bad  form  and  should 
never  be  done. 


LETTZES  A^'D  ^OTES. 


885 


rSE  OF  THE  THIED  PEESON. 

A  very  stupid  but  not  uncommon  mistake  made  by 
careless  writers  is  to  confuse  the  first  and  third  persons. 
A  note  begun  in  the  third  person  should  use  that  through- 
out, and  not  shift  to  the  fii'st  person.  Thus,  to  write 
''Mrs.  Carrie  Wyman  regrets  that  she  cannot  accept 
Mrs.  ATilsoms  iuTitation  to  dinner.  I  am  going  out  of 
the  city.''  etc.,  would  be  an  egregious  blunder.  An 
invitation  written  in  the  third  person  should  be  answered 
in  the  third  person;  but  a  missive  written  in  the  third 
person  must  never  be  signed.  Thus,  to  write  "  Mrs. 
TTilliams  will  call  on  Saturday  at  Mr.  Matson's  store  to 
select  some  diamonds.  Very  tr'uly  yours,  Helen  E. 
Williams,"'  would  be  gr'ossly  ignorant.  Xor  should  any 
one  ever  write  ''Mrs.  Johnson  regrets  that  she  cannot 
accept  yoin-  kind  invitation."  etc.  This  would  betray  a 
sad  lack  of  culture.  A  note  begun  should  always 
continue  in  the  third  person,  thus:  -'Mrs.  Johnson 
regrets  that  she  cannot  accept  the  kind  in^-itation  of 
Mrs.  Smith,"  etc. 

Xotes  to  servants  and  trades-people  were  formerly 
wi'itten  in  the  third  person  very  often — as,  for  example, 
the  following: 

Mrs.  Brown  presents  cornpliments  to  Jlrs.  Black, 
and  requests  lier  to  send  the  new  dress  ty  Thursday 
noon,  if  possfhJe. 

28  Marsh  field  Ave. 

This  is  an  indirect  and  undesirable  form  for  such 
notes,  and  the  tendency  of  the  present  age  is  toward  the 
more  direct,  clear  and  business-like  method,  and  there- 
fore such  notes  are  rarely  written  in  the  third  person 
now. 


386 

i 


LETTEES  AND  NOTES. 


GENERAL  HINTS. 

Do  not  write  a  letter  unless  you  have  something  to 
say.    If  you  have  little  to  say,  be  brief. 

Never  write  anonymous  letters.  If  received,  ignore 
them.  A  writer  ashamed  to  give  his  name  is  unworthy 
of  notice. 

Never  write  in  a  passion.  The  spoken  word  may  be 
forgotten,  but  a  written  word  cannot  be  recalled. 

Always  address  superiors,  or  those  in  office,  with  the 
utmost  respect.  Be  cautious  about  assuming  a  familiar 
air  to  comparative  strangers. 

Write  nothing  on  paper  which  you  would  blush  to 
have  "proclaimed  from  the  housetops." 

In  writing  friendly  letters  imagine  that  your  corres- 
pondent is  present,  and  that  you  are  talking  to  him. 

In  trying  to  be  brief  do  not  become  dry  and  curt. 

A  letter  which  has  caused  weariness  and  trouble  to 
the  writer  will  be  very  apt  to  weary  the  recipient. 

Let  your  thoughts  flow  spontaneously,  without 
straining  after  effect  or  primness.  An  occasional 
mistake  is  better  than  pedantry. 

Never  write  to  another  person  about  business  of 
your  own  without  enclosing  a  stamp  to  pay  return  post- 
age. Never  send  a  letter  on  which  the  postage  is  short, 
as  it  is  a  near  approach  to  dishonesty  to  compel  another 
to  pay  part  of  your  postage. 

THE  HEADING  FOR  LETTERS. 

The  heading  of  a  letter  usually  consists  of  the  date 
when,  and  the  place  where  a  letter  was  written.  The 
position  of  these,  however,  depends  somewhat  on  the 
character  of  the  epistle.  Business  letters  are  dated  at 
the  top  of  the  first  page  always.    Notes  and  social  letters 


LETTERS  AXD  XOTES. 


387 


are  often  dated  at  their  close.    In  social  letters  the 

heading  should  not  be  too  near  the  top  of  the  page. 
About  one-third  of  the  way  down,  is  a  good  rule.  We 
give  a  few  examples  or  models  of  the  correct  forms. 
The  usual  form  is  as  follows : 

Binghamptoih      Y.,  Oct.  10,  1888. 

Or  -give  the  county  when  it  seems  best  as  follows: 

Delavan,  Walworth  Co.,  Wis., 
Nov.  21,  1888. 

The  full  address^  when  in  a -city,  is  given  as  follows: 

450  Arch  St.,  Parsons,  Kas., 
Oct.  15,  1888. 

Or,  if  there  is  not  room  to  get  it  all  in  two  lines 
gracefully,  the  following  is  the  form: 

289  West  Harrison  St., 

EvcLnsviUe,  Ind., 

Oct.  15,  1888. 

If  writing  from  a  hotel  or  college,  the  following  is 
the  form: 

University  of  Jdichigan, 

Ann  Arbor,  Jlich., 

Xov.  1,  1889. 

Or, 

Hotel  Richelieu, 

Chicago,  HI, 

Dec.  3,  1888. 

The  heading  should  begin  about  the  center  of  the 
sheet,  and  not  too  close  to  the  top,  and  each  succeeding 
line  a  little  further  to  the  right.  When  the  date  is 
giyen  at  the  close  of  the  note,  the  following  is  the  form: 


388 


LETTEBS  AND  NOTES- 


Yours  sincerely, 

Hattie  M.  Black, 

Boston,  Aug.  9,  1888. 
Or, 

Yours  sincerely, 

Hattie  M.  Black. 

580  Michigan  Boulevard, 

St.  Louis,  Mo., 

Oct.  4,  1888. 

THE  INTRODUCTION. 

This  consists  of  tlie  address  and  salutation,  and 
should  begin  one  line  below  the  date.  In  business 
letters  the  full  address  is  given  at  the  opening  of  the 
letter,  as  well  as  on  the  envelope,  as  the  latter  may  be 
mutilated  or  lost.  In  writing  to  those  in  large  cities, 
the  street  and  number  is  often  given,  as  well  as  the 
name  and  town,  and  in  small  towns  the  county  also  is 
often  added.  The  same  address  which  is  placed  on  the 
envelope  is  used  frequently.  Custom  requires  the  use 
of  some  title,  such  as  "Mr.,"  "Mrs.,"  "Hon.,"  etc.,  but 
with  few  exceptions  only  one  title  should  be  applied  to 
the  name.  One  exception  is  when  addressing  a  clergy- 
man whose  christian  name  is  unknown,  when  the  "  Mr.' 
may  take  its  place,  thus:  "  Rev.  Mr.  Brown,"  which,  if  the 
christian  name  was  known,  should  be  written  "  Rev.  Amos 
Brown ;"  another  is  when  a  married  man  has  a  title? 
professional  or  literary,  prefixed  to  his  name,  and 
'*Mrs."  may  be  used  before  it  in  addressing  his  wife, 
thus:  "Mrs.  Secretary  Whitney."  But  the  rule  is  not 
to  use  more  than  one  title;  as,  for  example,  to  write 
"Hon.  John  Brown,  Esq.,"  would  be  grossly  ignorant. 
It  should  be  "  Hon.  John  Brown."  Another  common 
mistake  is  "Dr.  John  Brown,  M.  D.,"  which  should 


LETTEKS  AND  NOTES. 


389 


always  be  "  Dr.  John  Brown,"  or  "  John  Brown,  M.  D.," 
— either  is  proper.  Never  use  two  titles  which  mean 
much  the  same  thing — as,  for  example:  "Mr.  A.  B. 
Young,  Esq." 

Most  of  the  titles  used  are  abbreviations,  and  must 
therefore  be  followed  by  a  period,  as, — Messrs-,  Mr.^ 
Mrs.^  Esq.,  Rev.,  Prof.,  Pres.,  Dr.,  Capt.,  etc.  As  Miss 
is  not  an  abbreviation,  no  point  follows  it — to  use  one 
is  an  evidence  of  ignorance. 

In  the  salutation  the  amount  of  formality  observed 
will  depend  on  the  character  of  the  letter  and  the 
relations  of  the  writer  to  the  party  addressed.  In 
business  letters  the  formula  is  "  Sir,"  "Dear  Sir,"  "My 
dear  Sir,"  or  "  Gentlemen."  Never  abbreviate  the 
formula  into  "  Gents."  or  "  D'r  Sir."  As  the  first  word 
of  the  salutation  begins  a  sentence,  it  is  capitalized;  but 
if  the  words  "dear,"  "  esteemed,"  "  respected,"  or  similar 
words  follow,  they  are  not  capitalized.  Thus  the 
salutation  should  be  written  "My  dear  Sir,"  and  not 
"My  Dear  Sir,"  or  "My  esteemed  Friend,"  and  not 
"  My  Esteemed  Friend." 

The  ordinary  salutation  to  a  married  lady  in  business 
letters  is  "Dear  Madam."  "Madam"  is  more  abrupt 
and  formal,  while  "My  dear  Madam"  is  a  shade  less 
formal,  and  is  sometimes  adopted  w^hen  an  acquaintance 
is  well  established.  In  social  letters  the  customary 
greeting  is  "My  dear  Mrs.  Brown,"  or  "Dear  Mrs. 
Brown; "  or,  to  a  gentleman,  the  greeting  would  be  "  Dear 
Mr.  Williams,"  or  "  My  dear  Mr.  Williams."  As  custom 
sanctions  the  use  of  the  "My,"  it  is  considered  more 
formal  to  drop  it  than  to  use  it.  When  two  friends 
have  known  each  other  for  years,  and  their  friendship 
is  very  close,  they  often  adopt  various  familiar  saluta- 
tions, and  no  rules  except  the  good  sense  of  the  parties 
themselves  apply  to  such  cases.   So,  also,  various  terms 


390 


LETTEKS  AND  NOTES. 


of  endearment  are  used  between  members  of  a>  family, 
or  between  lovers,  but  in  such  cases  it  is  hardly  good  form 
to  become  silly  and  use  effusive  terms  of  endearment. 

Some  judgment  is  necessary  in  deciding  between  the 
use  of  "Sir"  and  "Dear  Sir."  In  addressing  strangers, 
nothing  is  lost  by  assuming  modesty,  but  an  assumption 
of  too  much  familiarity  will  almost  certainly  give 
offense.  "  Dear  Sir  "  is  considered  a  graceful  manner 
of  addressing  an  inferior,  but  "Sir"  is  more  respectful 
for  the  first  advance,  or  when  addressing  a  superior,  or 
when  soliciting  a  favor.  After  an  acquaintance  is  estab- 
lished, "Dear  Sir"  is  usually  more  appropriate. 

"  Honored  Sir  "  and  "  Eespected  Sir  "  are  now  some- 
what antiquated,  but  are  occasionally  used  in  addressing 
a  person  of  advanced  years,  or  by  a  poor  person  to  a 
rich  and  powerful  one,  or  in  addressing  a  benefactor 
who  has  conferred  great  favors  on  the  writer. 

For  the  proper  formulas  for  addressing  people  with 
titles,  see  a  full  explanation  further  on  in  this  article. 

In  England,  by  the  way,  it  is  not  good  form  to  give 
the  address  of  the  party  written  to  before  the  "  Sir  "  or 
"  Dear  Sir,"  as  is  customary  in  America. 

In  addressing  an  unmarried  lady  the  formula  is, 
"Dear  Miss  Brown,"  or  ''My  dear  Miss  Brown,"  but 
among  relatives  or  near  friends  the  formula  is  often 
"Dear  Mary,"  or  "My  dear  Mary:"  but  of  course  the 
latter  salutations  are  not  proper  between  those  who  are 
only  slightly  acquainted.  In  business  letters  to  unmar- 
ried ladies,  to  avoid  the  somewhat  unpleasant  repetition 
of  the  name,  it  is  a  frequent  form  to  begin  the  letter  at 
once  after  giving  the  name  and  residence  thus: 

Miss  Julia  Bobbins^ 

Rochester,  N.  Y. 
Your  favor  of  the  21st  inst.  is  received,  and,  in  reply,  I 
would  say,  etc. 


LETTERS  AND  NOTES.  391 

We  have  not  in  the  English  language  any  designa- 
tion for  an  unmarried  lady  similar  to  the  French 
Mademoiselle.  It  would  be  a  great  convenience  if  we 
had. 

We  give  a  few  examples  of  the  usual  forms  of  intro- 
ductions to  letters.  A  good  form  for  a  business  letter 
would  be  as  follows: 

Messrs.  Jones,  Warwick  &  Co.., 

Philadelphia,  Pa. 

Gentlemen  : 

Your  telegram  of  the  10th  inst,,  etc. 

Or,  where  the  full  address  is  given,  three  lines  would 
be  occupied,  as  follows: 

Mr.  John  Rogers, 

19  Temple  Place, 

Cincinnati,  Ohio. 

Dear  Sir: 

I  beg  to  acknowledge  the  receipt,  etc. 

A  letter  to  a  married  lady  would  begin  thus : 
Mrs.  A.  G.  Hooker, 

Boston,  Mass. 
Dear  Madam. 

We  send  you  to-day,  etc. 

In  social  correspondence  the  full  address  of  the 
party  written  to  is  not  given,  and  the  introduction 
would  be  as  follows: 

My  dear  Daughter, — 

I  have  just  returned  from,  etc. 

Or  a  lady  might  address  a  gentleman  thus: 
Dear  Mr.  Jones,— 

I  saio  Mrs.  Williams  this  morning,  etc. 


392 


LETTERS  AND  NOTES. 


Addressing  a  married  lady  the  salutation  would  be: 
My  dear  Mrs.  Black  — 

Can  you  meet  7ne  to-morrow,  etc. 

Or  an  unmarried  lady  as  follows: 

Dear  Miss  Johnston, — 

/  expect  to  leave  the  city  Friday,  etc. 

The  forms  of  introduction  are  well  established  and 
should  be  followed  in  all  correspondence.  They  give  a 
finish  to  the  letter,  and  show  the  writer's  familiarity 
with  the  best  social  forms.  In  writing  the  introduction 
each  line  begins  a  little  further  to  the  right  of  the 
sheet,  in  giving  the  address ;  but  when  the  salutation 
"Dear  Sir,"  or  whatever  it  maybe,  is  given,  it  should 
begin  near  the  left  of  the  sheet,  although  it  is  below 
the  third  line.  The  only  reason  for  this  is  that  it 
improves  the  appearance  of  the  letter.  The  punctuation 
is  fully  explained  hereafter  under  the  head  of  "  Hints 
on  Punctation." 

THE  CONCLUSION. 

The  conclusion  consists  of  the  complim.entary  close 
and  the  signature,  and  sometimes  of  the  address,  when 
that  is  given  at  the  close  instead  of  the  introduction  of 
the  letter. 

The  conclusion  and  signature  to  a  letter  should 
always  correspond  with  its  introduction.  Thus,  a  letter 
to  a  daughter,  beginning  "  My  dear  Daughter,"  would 
not  be  signed  "  Yours  respectfully,  Mary  B.  Williams," 
nor  would  a  business  letter  beginning  "  Dear  Sir,"  be 
concluded  with  "  Yours  afiectionately."  The  tone  of  a 
letter  should  be  uniform  throughout,  and  all  its  parts 
should  harmonize. 


LETTEKS  AND  NOTES. 


393 


The  usual  forms  of  conclusion  for  business  letters 
are  "Yours  truly,"  ''Yours  very  truly,"  or  "Very  truly 
yours,"  " Eespectf ully,"  "Yoars  respectfully,"  "Very 
respectfully  yours,"  etc.  Some  people  begin  each  word 
of  the  complimentary  conclusion  with  a  capital,  as,  for 
example,  "  Yours  Very  Truly,"  or  Yours  Eespectfully ; " 
but  the  more  correct  form  is  to  capitalize  only  the  fii'st 
word,  thus,  "  Yours  very  truly,"  or  "  Y'ours  respect- 
fully," The  old  formal  conclusions,  such  as,  "  I  have 
the  honor  to  be,  my  dear  Sir,  your  very  obedient  ser- 
vant," and  similar  ceremonious  forms,  are  out  of  date 
and  are  not  used  except  in  formal  communications. 

Friendly  and  social  letters  conclude  with  such  forms 
as  "Yours  very  truly,"  "Yours  sincerely,''  "Yours 
cordially,"  ''Faithfully  yours,"  "Yours  affectionately," 
"Your  affectionate  niece,"  and  so  on,  according  to  the 
degree  of  intimacy  existing  between  the  parties. 

We  have  been  asked  whether  or  no  a  lady  should 
use  the  prefix  "Miss"  or  "Mrs."  in  signing  her  name. 
The  rule  has  been,  and  is,  that  she  should  not.  One 
authority  says:  "A  lady  signing  her  name  in  letters, 
documents,  writings  of  a  literary  character,  or  in  any 
way,  must  sign  her  own  name  (not  that  of  her  husband), 
with  no  prefix."  This  rule  has  long  been  well  estab- 
lished in  English  society,  so  that  no  well-informed  lady 
there  would  think  of  asking  the  question;  thus,  the 
signature  would  always  be  "Julia  M.  Higgins,"  and 
never  "  Mrs.  George  W.  Higgins."  At  tho  same  time, 
when  writing  to  strangers^  some  clue  ought  always  to 
be  given,  by  which  the  correspondent  can  know  whether 
she  is  replying  to  a  "Miss  "  or  "  Mrs."  Every  one  who 
has  had  much  miscellaneous  correspondence  with  ladies 
must  have  felt,  at  times,  the  painful  uncertainty  about 
whether  to  address  her  new  correspondent  as  "Miss 
Julia  Brown"  or  "Mrs.  Julia  Brown  " 


LETTERS  AND  NOTES. 


The  writer  knew  a  lady  who  was  highly  indignant  at 
receiving  a  letter  addressed  to  her  as  "Mrs.  Fannie 
Smith,"  when  it  should  have  been  "  Miss  Fannie  Smith;" 
and  yet  she  had  written  a  letter  of  inquiry  to  a  stranger 
and  signed  her  letter  simply  Fannie  Smith;"  and,  in 
answering,  the  writer  had  to  guess  whether  she  was  a 
"Miss"  or  "Mrs.,"  and,  as  the  event  proved,  guessed 
wrong.  Now,  to  prevent  these  perplexing  uncertainties, 
a  lady  in  addressing  a  stranger  ought  always  to  give 
information  on  this  point.  The  proper  way  to  do  this  is 
to  give  the  correct  address  in  another  line,  signing  the 
letter  as  follows: 

Respectfully  yours, 

Mary  Hudson, 

Address 

Mrs.  Mary  B.  Hudson^ 

Arlington^  III. 

Or, 

Very  respectfully  yours, 

Helen  Wright. 

Address 

Miss  Helen  Wright, 

Guildford,  Vt, 

This  will  prevent  all  misunderstanding. 

When  the  date  is  given  at  the  conclusion  of  the 
letter,  as  is  often  done  in  social  letters,  the  following  is 
the  form: 

Yours  sincerely, 

Hattie  Meacham. 

Sandusky,  Ohio, 

Aug.  5,  1890. 


LETTERS  AND  NOTES. 


395 


When  the  name  of  the  party  addi^essed  is  given  at 
the  conclusion  of  the  letter,  the  following  is  the  form: 

Very  truly  yours, 

H.  M.  Hooker. 

To  Mr.  Charles  B.  HilL 

University  of  Virginia, 

Charlottsville,  Va. 

In  business  letters,  certainly  in  those  to  strangers, 
the  Miss"  or  "Mrs."  may  be  placed  in  a  parenthesis, 
before  the  name,  for  the  information  of  the  corres- 
pondent, as  in  the  following  example: 

Yours  respectfully, 

(Jliss)  Susan  Brown. 

Or, 

Respectfully  yours, 

{Mrs.)  Hattie  B,  Jones. 

It  is  never  allowable  for  an  American  gentleman  to 
add  "  Hon.,"  or  any  other  similar  title,  to  his  signature. 
Their  titles  are  never  written  before  their  names  by 
distinguished  foreigners. 

In  formal  and  official  letters  the  conclusion  assumes 
a  more  formal  tone.  The  usual  conclusion  for  very 
formal  letters  is, — "I  have  the  honor  to  be,  Sir  (or 
Madam),  your  obedient  (or  humble,  or  both  )  servant;" 
or,  "I  have  the  honor  to  be,  Sir,  with  the  highest 
respect,  your  obedient,  humble  servant." 

The  concluding  sentence  of  a  formal  or  friendly 
letter  is  usually  some  graceful  expression  of  respect  or 
esteem,  like  the  foUo-^dng,  for  example:  "  Eegretting 
my  inability'  to  comply  with  your  request,  I  have  the 
*  honor  to  be,  Sir,  with  the  highest  esteem;"  or,  ''Accept, 
dear  Madam,  the  homage  of  my  profound  respect;" 


396 


LETTEES  AND  NOTES. 


or,  *'I  beg  yon,  Madam,  to  receive  the  assurance  of 
my  respectful  attachment;"  or,  ^'With  feelings  of  the 
deepest  sympathy,  I  remain,"  etc.;  or,  "Permit  me  to 
assure  you  of  my  tenderest  friendship."  The  forms  are 
numerous,  but  the  idea  is  to  close  with  some  appropriate 
expression  of  sympathy,  attachment  or  respect. 

ILLUSTRATIONS   OF  THE  OPENING  AND  CLOSING 
OE  LETTERS. 

A  little  observation  will  soon  familiarize  any  one 
with  the  well-recognized  forms  of  correspondence,  but 
for  the  benefit  of  such  of  our  readers  as  may  be  still  in 
doubt,  we  will  give  a  few  forms,  showing  the  date,  intro- 
duction and  conclusion  combined,  and  showing,  also, 
what  we  mean  by  having  the  conclusion  correspond  with 
the  introduction: 

A  business  letter  would  take  the  following  form: 

Allegan,  Mich.  Oct.  6,  1888. 

Mr.  John  R.  Briggs, 

475  Blanchard  Ave., 

Philadelphia,  Pa. 

Dear  Sir: 

Yours  respectfully, 

J.  M.  Locke. 

A  lady  would  be  addressed  as  follows: 

Freemont,  O.,  Nov.  15,  1888. 

Mrs.  Mary  Ross, 

Ottumwa,  Iowa. 
Dear  Madam: 


Very  respectfully, 

Henry  B.  Weeks. 


LETTERS  AND  NOTES. 


397 


A  friendly  letter  would  be  somewhat  as  follows: 

Eockford,  III,  Jan.  10,  1889. 

My  dear  Brown: 

•5|&  <ii  ■'i^  ■Ht  iit 

Yours  sincerely, 

A.  B.  Cline. 

To  Mr.  George  Brown, 

Monroe,  Mich. 

The  following  form  would  be  appropriate  for  a 
relative : 

Topeka,  Kas.,  Dec.  6,  1888. 

My  dear  Aunt: 

^  ^  ^  ^  ^  ^  ^ 

Yours  affectionately, 

John  White, 

To  Mrs.  I.  N.  Fink, 
Toledo,  O. 

To  an  unmarried  lady  the  following  form  may  be 
used  if  well  acquainted  with  her: 

Norwalk,  Ohio,  Nov.  10,  1888. 

Dear  Miss  Bright, — 


* 


Cordially  yours, 

E.  D.  Collins, 

To  Miss  Hattie  Bright, 
Eldon,  Iowa. 


398 


LETTEBS  AND  NOTES. 


A  stranger  would  be  addressed  as  follows: 

49  Harrison  Ave., 

Binghampton,  N.  Y., 

Oct  25,  1888. 

Miss  Hattie  Bright: 


*  *  *  * 


* 


Very  respectfully  yours. 

George  Williams. 

To  Miss  Hattie  Bright, 

49  Irving  Place, 

Wichita,  Kas. 

Official  letters  are  more  formal,  and  the  following 
would  be  an  example  of  an  appropriate  form : 

Hudson,  Mich.,  Nov.  15th,  1888. 

Hon.  Geo.  R.  Davis, 

House  of  Representatives, 

Washington,  D.  C. 

Sir: 


I  have  the  honor  to  be,  Sir, 

Your  obedient  servant, 

David  Stanley. 


In  this  class  of  letters  there  is  occasionally  some 
debate  about  whether  to  use  the  form  "Sir"  or  "Dear 
Sir."  Either  will  do,  but  in  addressing  those  occupying 
superior  positions  it  is  always  best  for  entire  strangers 
to  adopt  a  very  respectful  tone,  and  not  to  approach 
familiarity.  A  more  formal  conclusion  for  a  ceremonious 
letter  would  be:    "I  have  the  honor  to  be,  Sir,  with  the 


LETTERS  AND  NOTES. 


399 


highest  respect,  your  obedient,  humble  servant."  The 
tact  of  the  writer  must  at  times  dictate  the  amount  of 
formality  required,  but  it  is  best  to  err  on  the  safe  side 
and  not  seem  lacking  in  respect — certainly  not  when 
addressing  strangers  or  those  occupying  positions  of 
honor. 

HINTS  ON  PUNCTUATION. 

The  punctuation  of  the  introduction  and  close  of  a 
letter  should  be  as  follows:  The  invariable  rule  is,  that 
a  period  should  follow  all  abbreviations,  such  as  "Eev.," 
"Hon.,"  "Geo.,"  "Pa.,"  ''Yt.,"  and  so  on.  A  period 
otherwise  terminates  a  sentence,  while  a  comma  merely 
indicates  a  slight  pause.  In  the  heading  of  a  letter, 
therefore,  a  comma  follows  the  name  of  the  town,  the 
street,  the  state  and  the  day  of  the  month,  while  a 
period  follows  the  year,  as  that  closes  the  sentence. 
Thus,  a  letter  giving  the  full  address  would  be  punctuated 
as  follows:  "276  Madison  St.,  Eockford,  111.,  Dec.  20, 
1888."  As  "St."  and  "111."  are  both  abbreviations,  a 
period,  of  course,  follows  them;  for,  as  we  before  stated, 
a  period  always  follows  an  abbreviation,  and  as  a  slight 
pause  follows  each  one,  a  comma  should  be  used  also. 
If,  however,  the  "Street"  was  written  in  full,  nothing 
but  a  comma  would  be  used.  It  would  then  be  written: 
"  276  Madison  Street,  Eockford,  111.,"  using  a  comma 
only,  after  the  word  "  Street."  So,  also,  the  "  111."  is 
followed  by  both  a  period  and  comma;  but  if  there  was 
no  abbreviation,  a  comma  only  would  be  required,  as, 
for  instance,  in  the  following  date:  "Toledo,  Ohio, 
June  20,  1888."  Here  "  Ohio,"  being  no  abbreviation, 
needs  no  period  following  it;  again,  after  the  "June," 
no  punctuation  is  required;  while  "Dec,"  being  an 
abbreviation,  requires  a  period.  The  day  of  the  month 
maybe  given  in  figures  alone,  or  the  suffixes  "th,"  "st," 


400 


LETTERS  AND  NOTES. 


or  "d,"  may  be  added — either  is  proper.  In  either  case 
a  comma  alone  would  follow  the  day  of  the  month,  for 
the  suffixes  "th,"  "st"  or  "d,"  are  not  intended  as 
abbreviations,  but  are  added  to  complete  the  word,  and, 
not  being  abbreviations,  no  period  should  follow  them. 
The  two  ways  are  as  follows:  "June  20,  1889,"  and 
*'  June  20th,  1889."  The  best  usage,  however,  at  present 
favors  the  first  form,  omitting  the  "  th,"  ''st"  or  "d." 
The  same  rules  of  punctuation  apply  to  short  dates, 
such  as  "  Saturday,  Aug.  2d,"  or  "  9  o'clock,  Monday.'' 
It  is  entirely  proper  to  write  " Street"  or  "  St.,"  as  the 
writer  prefers. 

In  the  iniroductory  address  a  comma  follows  the 
name,  the  street  (when  given),  and  the  town,  and  a 
period  follows  the  state,  as  that  ends  the  address  and 
sentence;  for  jpxample,  the  following  would  be  the 
correct  punctuation:  "  Mr.  Kichard  Brooks,  279  Market 
Street,  Chicago,  111."  Of  course,  the  same  rule  regarding 
abbreviations  is  observed  as  in  the  dating  of  the  letter; 
for  example,  if  the  name  of  a  firm  was  given,  and  the 
"Street"  was  abbreviated,  the  following  would  be  the 
style:  "Messrs.  Brown,  Williams  &  Co.,  586  Clark 
St.,  Chicago,  111."  "Messrs.,"  being  an  abbreviation,  is 
followed  by  a  period,  the  same  as  "Hon.,"  "Mr."  and 
other  similar  titles. 

In  the  introductory  salutation  a  comma  follows  the 
salutation,  and  a  dash  may  follow  the  comma,  or  not,  as 
the  writer  prefers;  thus,  it  would  be  proper  to  start  a 
letter  "Dear  Sir,"  or  "Dear  Sir, —  "  but  the  comma  and 
dash  both  is  the  most  usual  form.  ( See  the  examples 
we  have  given  elsewhere  of  the  salutations  used.)  A 
colon  is  used  instead  of  the  comma  in  very  formal  or 
official  salutations,  thus,  "Sir:"  but  a  semicolon  is  not 
considered  correct.  These,  at  least,  seem  to  be  the 
rules  sanctioned  by  the  best  usage.    But  it  is  proper  to 


LETTERS  AND  NOTES. 


401 


state  that  they  are  not  absolute,  and  some  authorities 
use  the  colon  in  ordinary  letters,  and  a  few  others  the 
semicolon,  When  the  first  sentence  of  the  letter  follows 
the  salutation  on  the  same  line,  it  is  customary  to  use  a 
colon  and  dash  both,  thus,  "Dear  Sir: — I  received  your 
favor,"  etc.  See  some  of  the  model  letters  we  give 
hereafter. 

In  the  conclusion  a  comma  should  follow  the  compli- 
mentary close,  and  a  period  the  signature,  thus:  '*  Yours 
very  truly,  Hattie  B.  Williams."  In  very  formal 
conclusions  the  whole  sentence  is,  of  course,  punctuated 
as  it  would  be  in  ordinary  writing,  as  in  the  following 
example:  "I  have  the  honor  to  be,  dear  Sir,  with  the 
highest  esteem,  your  obedient  servant,  John  Brown." 

Writing  is  now  so  common,  and  so  many  people  are 
anxious  to  write  correctly,  that  a  few  hints  regarding 
punctuation  and  capitalization  may  be  helpful  to  some 
of  our  readers.  In  general,  it  may  be  said  that  long 
and  involved  sentences  require  careful  punctuation  to 
make  them  intelligible;  short,  clear  sentences  require 
very  little.  The  rules  of  punctuation  and  capitalization 
are  not  to-day  very  well  established.  The  old  rule  was, 
that  a  comma  indicated  the  shortest  pause;  the  semi- 
colon, one  twice  that  of  the  comma;  the  colon,  one  twice 
that  of  the  semicolon;  and  the  period,  double  that  of 
the  colon.  But  this  rule  is  hardly  considered  sufficient 
at  present.  With  newspapers,  every  office  has  its  own 
rules,  and  even  in  book-work  much  variation  is  observ- 
able. It  is  much  better  for  each  one  to  have  a  rule  of 
his  own,  and  observe  it,  than  to  vary  from  one  style  to 
another.  Especially  is  this  true  in  printed  matter,  or  in 
those  letters  written  with  type-writers,  now  so  common. 
In  written  documents,  irregularities  are  not  so  glaring, 
but,  even  in  those,  uniformity  of  practice  is  very  desir- 
able.   This,  of  course,  refers  to  the  minor  points. 


402 


LETTERS  AND  NOTES. 


The  Comma  (,).— This  is  the  most  generally  used  of  all  the  punctuation 
marks.  Its  most  common  uses  are  :  (1)  To  separate  the  parts  of  involved  and 
compound  sentences.  (2)  To  separate  words  or  terms  of  address  from  what 
follows;  as,  for  example,  Wait,  I  am  coming;  Go  on,  I  will  follow.  (3)  To 
separate  from  the  context  words  used  mainly  for  euphony  ;  as,  for  example, 
Well,  what  of  it  ?  (4)  To  separate  phrases  used  in  contrast  or  comparison  ;  as, 
for  example.  He  may  be  honest,  but  his  conduct  is  suspicious.  (5)  To  separate 
periods  of  figures  ;  as,  for  example,  100,000  bushels.  (6)  To  indicate  that  a 
word  or  phrase  is  omitted ;  as,  for  example,  Toledo,  Lucas  County,  Ohio ; 
which  would  be  in  full,  Toledo  in  Lucas  County  in  the  State  of  Ohio  ;  John 
Brown,  M.  D.,  who  is  an  being  omitted. 

The  Semicolon  (;).— This  is  need  mainly  to  separate  the  parts  of  complex 
sentences  where  commas  have  also  been  freely  used,  but  the  tendency  at  present 
is  to  th.3  use  of  the  comma  and  period  more  and  the  semicolon  less,  Example : 
Everything  that  lives  floarishes  for  a  time,  and  then  passes  away  ;  everything 
has  its  growth,  its  maturity,  its  decay  ;  all  life  is  transient,  evanescent,  fleeting. 

The  Colon  (:).— This  is  mainly  used  at  the  present  day  at  the  end  of  a 
sentence  to  indicate  that  something  else  is  to  follow ;  as,  for  example.  The 
following  is  the  formula :  Take  one  quart  of  water,  one  ounce  of  borax,  etc. 
The  old  use  of  the  colon  as  an  intermediate  point  in  a  sentence  is  rare  at 
present.  It  is  also  used  in  bringing  together  hours  and  minutes,  and  degrees 
and  seconds  ;  as,  for  example,  10 :45  A.  M.  When  the  squall  struck  the  vessel  she 
was  14:  10:  7w.,  48:  31:  18n. 

The  Period .(.)  .—This  ends  all  sentences.  It  indicates  abbreviations,  such 
as  Hon.,  Kev.,  Mr.,  etc.,  and  it  is  used  as  the  decimal  point  in  mathematics,  as 
for  example,  $5.25. 

The  Interrogation  Point  (?).— This  is  used  when  a  question  is  asked. 
Also,  in  a  parenthesis,  it  is  sometimes  used  in  a  sentence  to  indicate  that  the 
words  are  not  to  be  taken  too  literally  ;  as,  for  example.  His  sense  of  honor  (?) 
is  well  known.    After  a  question  it  would  be.  Where  are  you  going? 

The  Exclamation  Point  (!). — This  is  used,  as  its  na«ne  indicates,  after 
exclamatiocs  of  wonder,  admiration,  surprise,  etc.,  as,  for  example.  How 
strange  !  You  surprise  me  !  Stop  !  It  is  also  inserted  in  sentences,  inclosed 
in  a  parenthesis,  like  the  interrogation  point,  to  indicate  doubt  or  ridicule;  as, 
for  example.  Her  amiable  (!)  disposition,  and  her  fascinating  (!)  manners 
were  what  she  relied  on. 

The  Dash  (— ).— This  is  often  used  now  as  a  sort  of  general  utility  sign. 
It  is  frequently  used  in  filace  of  the  parenthesis,  and  after  a  comma  or  semi- 
colon to  add  to  their  force,  and  it  is  used  to  indicate  tliO  omission  of  letters, 

as,  for  example.  Miss  C  p.   It  often  indicates  a  pause  in  speech  to  increase 

the  effect,  and  at  the  end  of  a  broken  line  it  is  frequently  used  after  a  comma 
or  colon.  An  abrupt  or  short  turn  in  the  meaning  of  a  sentence  is  also  properly 
introduced  by  a  dash.  Examples.  —  (1)  His  torn  clothes,  his  disheveled  hair— in 
fact,  his  whole  appearance— indicated  dissipation.  (2)  He  was  always  talking 
of  the  three  R's— Reading,  'Riting  and  'Rithmetic.  (3)  Sometimes  he  goes 
directly  from  his  business  to  his  home— more  often  he  goes  to  the  club.  (4)  I 
see  the  two  paths  before  me— one  leads  to  honor  and  renown,  the  other  to  dis- 
grace and  misery.  (5)  He  will  do  anything  for  money,  beg,  borrow,  steal,  any- 
thing hxxt—work  for  it. 


LETTERS  AND  NOTES. 


403 


The  Apostrophe  (').— This  indicates  the  possessive  case,  and  is  used  to 
indicate  the  omission  of  letters  in  contracted  words,  as,  for  example,  (Ist) 
Don't,  o'er,  I've, can't,  etc.;  and  (2d)  George's  hat.  Brown's  stove.  To  avoid  the 
unpleasant  hissing  sound  when  the  possessor's  name  ends  in  s,  the  s  after  the 
apostrophe  is  not  given.  Thus  it  would  be  Mr.  Higgins'  hat,  and  not  Mr. 
Higgins's  hat. 

The  Hyphen  (-)  .—The  principal  use  of  the  hyphen  is  to  unite  compound 
words  or  phrases,  such  as  twenty-four,  that  always. to-be-remembered  night,  etc., 
and  in  separating  the  syllables  of  words  at  the  ends  of  lines. 

Quotation  Marks  ("  ").— These  are  placed  at  the  beginning  and  end  of 
words  or  sentences  quoted  from  others.  Slang  words  and  those  of  doubtful 
propriety,  and  words  used  in  a  peculiar  way,  are  also  placed  in  quotation  marks. 
The  use  of  quotation  marks  to  make  certain  words  or  phrases  prominent  is  in 
bad  taste,  like  the  frequent  underscoring  resorted  to  by  certain  crude  writers. 
When  a  quotation  occurs  within  another,  a  single  quotation  mark"only  is  used, 
and  a  third  quotation  within  the  second  is  distinguished  by  double  marks. 
When  several  paragraphs  are  quoted,  marks  are  used  at  the  beginning  of  each 
paragraph,  but  only  at  the  close  of  the  last  one. 

The  Parenthesis  (  ).— This  is  mainly  used  to  enclose  subordinate  words  or 
phrases  used  in  sentences,  but  which  might  be  omitted  without  losing  the  sense 
of  the  text.  Another  use  of  the  parenthesis  is  to  enclose  a  quotation  mark  or 
exclamation  point  inserted  in  a  sentence,  as  explained  about  those  points. 

Brackets  [  ] .  —The  use  of  brackets  is  now  rare.  A  remark  or  explanation 
made  within  a  quotation,  but  not  belonging  to  it,  should  be  in  brackets.  Ex- 
ample.—" After  much  hesitation  [why  hesitate  ?]  she  declined." 

HINTS  ON  THE  USE  OF  CAPITALS. 

The  free  use  of  capital  letters  on  a  printed  page  gives  it  a  sort  of  spotted 
appearance  when  held  a  short  distance  from  the  eye,  and  the  tendency  of  the 
present  day  is  to  avoid  their  excessive  use.  On  the  written  page  their  presence 
is  not  so  observable,  but  the  best  taste  even  here  would  probably  incline  the 
same  way.  In  a  few  instances,  the  use  of  capitals  is  demanded  by  all  authorities. 
These  are  as  follows:  (1)  The  word  beginning  a  sentence.  (2)  The  names  of 
persons  and  places.  (3)  The  pronoun  "  I,"  and  the  exclamation  "  O."  (4)  The 
name  of  the  Deity,  as  "God,"  "Lord,"  etc.  (5)  The  first  word  in  a  line  of 
poetry. 

On  other  points,  much  diversity  of  opinion  and  practice  prevails.  In 
quotations  the  rule  is  to  begin  them  with  a  capital  if  a  whole  sentence  or  more 
is  quoted,  or  if  it  is  the  title  of  a  book,  lecture,  etc.  Words  and  phrases  not 
beginning  a  sentence  are  not  capitalized  when  quoted.  The  first  word  of  a 
question  is  often  capitalized,  when  occurring  in  the  middle  of  a  sentence,  as, 
for  example:  "And  still  we  ask.  Has  it  any  value?"  This  use  of  the  capital  is 
condemned  by  eome.  It  is  one  of  the  varying  customs.  Again,  the  capitaliza- 
tion of  words  formed  from  proper  nouns,  such  as  "china,"  "japan,"  etc., 
depends  some  on  their  use;  thus,  to  speak  of  Japan  wares  (meaning  articles 
brought  from  Japan)  would  require  a  capital,  but  japanned  hardware  (meaning 
iron  with  a  peculiar  black  coating  or  finish)  would  not  be  capitalized.  We 
might  extend  these  illustrations  indefinitely,  but  tastes  vary  so  much  that 
almost  any  uniform,  deliberately-foUowed  rule  is  allowed  in  these  minor  points. 


404 


LETTEES  AND  NOTES. 


.  HINTS  ON  USING  FIGURES. 

Inexperienced  writers  are  often  in  doubt  about  the 
use  of  figures,  and  to  such  we  offer  the  following  sug- 
gestions: In  business  letters,  where  time  is  important, 
they  are  more  often  used  than  would  be  considered  in 
good  taste  in  private  correspondence. 

Figures  may  be  used  in  giving  the  number  of  the 
street,  in  an  address;  the  hour  of  the  day,  as  "10  A.  M.;" 
years;  the  day  of  the  month;  large  sums  of  money,  as 
"$100,000;"  uneven  sums  of  money  over  one  dollar,  as 
''$1.50;"  in  giving  the  per  cent,  as  "  50  per  cent;"  prices 
occurring  in  market  reports,  etc.;  and  quantities  occur- 
ring in  the  same  way,  as  "  5,000  bu.  corn." 

Write  out  any  number  or  figures  beginning  a  sen- 
tence; ages  of  people;  quantities  or  numbers  that  can 
be  stated  in  not  over  two  words,  as  ''sixty-five  bushels," 
twelve  hours,"  etc.  (instead  of  "65  bushels,"  "12 
hours,"  etc.);  prices  under  a  dollar,  used  only  occasion- 
ally, as  "  ninety  cents;  "  numbers  used  as  the  names  of 
streets,  as  "  105  Third  Ave  ; "  degrees  of  latitude,  longi- 
tude or  temperature,  when  under  a  hundred  and  the 
degree  sign  (^)  is  not  used,  as  "forty  degrees"  (instead 
of  "40  degrees");  fractions,  used  only  occasionally,  as 
"  two-thirds." 

THE  SUPEESCRIPTION. 

This  is  the  address  written  on  the  envelope.  The 
greatest  care  should  be  exercised  to  have  it  plain  and 
clear.  Hundreds  of  thousands  of  letters  find  their  way 
every  year  to  the  dead  letter  office  because  of  careless- 
ness in  writing  the  address,  and  in  numerous  other  cases 
the  postal  clerks  are  caused  much  needless  trouble.  In 
directing  letters  to  small  towns  the  county  should  be 


LETTERS  AXD  NOTES- 


405 


given,  as  well  as  the  town,  and  in  directing  to  cities  the 
street  and  number  shonld  be  given  plainly.  The 
importance  of  giving  the  county,  as  well  as  the  town,  is 
quite  generally  overlooked  by  the  letter-writing  public, 
and  we  would  strongly  advise  its  systematic  adoption. 
In  the  larger  towns  the  street  and  number  is  very 
important. 

Business  houses  sometimes  use  colored  envelopes  of 
various  shades,  but,  in  private  correspondence,  white  is 
always  the  best. 

The  foolish  plan  of  writing  diagonally  across  the 
envelope  is  in  bad  taste.  The  lines  should  be  straight 
and  parallel  with  the  upper  edge  of  the  envelope.  No 
pencil  lines  or  other  marks  should  be  used  for  a  guide, 
but  those  who  need  some  such  aid  can  slip  a  card,  with 
heavy  black  lines  ruled  upon  it,  into  the  envelope,  the 
lines  of  which  will  show  through.  A  little  practice  will 
enable  most  people  to  write  straight  without  any  guide, 
and  we  advise  all  to  learn.  The  open  edge  of  the 
envelope  should  be  the  upper  one  as  you  write;  other- 
wise the  envelope  will  be  upside  down. 

The  punctuation  of  the  superscription  is  the  same  as 
that  required  for  the  inside  address — the  one  usually 
given  at  the  beginning  of  the  letter.  See  the  directions 
we  have  previously  given  for  the  punctuation  of  that 
address. 

The  stamp  should  always  be  stuck  on  squarely,  and 
in  the  upper  right  hand  corner  of  the  envelope.  To 
have  it  pasted  on  irregularly  or  upside  down  looks 
careless,  and  when  on  any  other  part  of  the  envelope  it 
is  inconvenient  for  the  postal  clerks  and  looks  less 
symmetrical.  A  letter  will  not  be  forwarded  at  all  unless 
one  stamp  is  attached.  Be  sure  and  put  on  stamps 
enough  to  fully  pay  the  postage,  as  it  is  very  discourteous 
to  oblige  your  correspondent  to  pay  part  of  that  for  you. 


406 


LETTERS  AND  NOTES. 


The  first  line  should  be  near  the  middle  of  the 
envelope,  and  the  others  should  follow  at  equal  distances, 
and  a  little  to  the  right,  so  that  the  last  line  will  be  near 
the  lower  right-hand  corner.  The  following  examples 
will  illustrate  both  the  proper  arrangement  of  the  lines 
and  the  punctuation,  and  can  be  studied  by  those 
interested. 

To  a  resident  of  a  small  town  or  city  the  following 
is  the  form: 


Sometimes  the  county  is  given  directly  under  the 
town  instead  of  in  the  left-hand  corner,  thus: 


LETTERS  AND  NOTES. 


407 


In  addressing  a  person  living  in  a  large  city  where 
the  street  and  number  are  required,  the  following  is  the 
form: 


m  c 

When  the  letter  is  sent  in  the  care  of  some  one  else' 
the  following  is  used: 


Return  in  ten  days  to 

J.  B.  Smiley,  Publisher^ 

Chicago,  III. 

&d^., 

408 


LETTEES  AND  NOTES. 


In  large  cities  where  letters  are  delivered  by  carriers 
a  letter  mailed  to  another  resident  of  the  same  city 
would  be  addressed  thus : 


The  following  forms  will  illustrate  addresses  with 
honorary  titles.    The  president  would  be  addressed  as  . 
follows: 


0-  ^. 

\ 


LETTEES  AND  NOTES-  409 

The  Governor  of  a  state  would  be  addressed  as 
follows : 


A  letter  to  a  member  of  the  President's  cabinet 
should  be  thus  addressed: 


410  LETTEES  AND  NOTES. 

A  person  with  an  official  designation  is  addressed  as 
follows : 


The  form  for  addressing  a  letter  of  introduction  we 
give  further  on  in  this  chapter  in  our  section  on  "  Letters 
of  Introduction." 

A  note  entrusted  to  another  for  delivery  is  not  sealed, 
and  the  usual  address  has  been  as  follows:  i 


LETTERS  AND  NOTES. 


4U 


Or,  "Addressed/'  -  Present,"  or  ••' Favor  of  Mr.  H. 
Jones,"  have  been  nsed  instead  of  the  Kindness  of 
Mr.  O.  A.  Post,"  but  all  these  forms  are  going  out  of 
faTor  at  present  with  many  of  the  most  polished  writers, 
and  nothing  is  put  on  the  envelope  except  the  addr-ess. 

On  business  letters  the  card  of  the  writer  is  printed 
on  the  upper  left-hand  corner,  and  then  if  the  letter  fails 
to  reach  its  destination  it  is  returned  to  the  sender.  A 
letter  without  the  "  retui'n  in  ten  days  clause  is  sent  to 
the  dead-letter  office  if  it  is  miscarried  in  any  way.  In 
social  letters,  however,  the  "return  if  not  called  for" 
card  is  not  placed  on  tlie  envelope. 

The  superscription  or  address  on  letters  to  titled 
individuals  is  C[uite  an  important  item  in  letter  writing, 
and  we  explain  the  matter  at  length  in  the  section 
following: 

jlDDeessixg  people  with  titles. 

The  correct  use  of  titles  in  letter  writing  is  a  matter 
of  some  importance,  and  ignorance  of  the  correct  forms 
will  often  be  quite  embarrassing.  An  incorrect  use  of 
titles  will  create  a  very  unfavorable  impression  on  the 
recepient  of  a  letter  or  note.  In  America  we  have  no 
hereditary  titles,  or  titles  of  nobility,  but  those  in  use 
may  be  classified  under  three  heads,  as  Social,  Scholastic 
and  Official. 

The  Social  Titles  in  common  use  are,  for  ladies, 
Mrs.  (from  Mistress,);  Madam  (from  the  French 
Madame,  meaning  my  dame)',  Miss  (contracted  from 
Mistress);  and  for  men,  Mr.  (for  Mister,  contracted 
from  the  Latin  Magister);  Escp  i^an  abbreviation  of  the 
English  Esquire);  Sir  (derived  from  the  Latin  Senior, 
an  elder,  or  elderly  person  i ;  Gentlemen  (derived  from 
the  Latin  gentilis,  a  gens,  or  clan  );  and  Master,  applied 


412 


LETTEES  AND  NOTES. 


usually  as  a  title  of  respect  to  boys,  although  it  origin- 
ally meant  one  of  eminent  rank  —a  chief.  Mr.  is 
applied  indiscriminately  to  all  men,  but  Esq.  was  orig- 
inally confined  to  official  or  prominent  persons,  although 
it  is  now  used  quite  generally  in  America  without 
discrimination  as  to  rank  or  importance. 

The  Scholastic  Titles  are  those  acquired  in  the  prac- 
tice of  some  learned  profession,  like  that  of  M.  D. 
applied  to  a  medical  practitioner,  or  those  conferred  by 
some  institution  of  learning,  as,  for  example,  that  of 
Doctor  of  Laws  (LL.  D.). 

The  Official  Titles  are  those  belonging,  by  virtue  of 
their  office,  to  those  in  the  service  of  the  United  States, 
or  of  the  several  States,  in  the  civil,  military  or  naval 
departments,  such  as  Governors,  Generals,  etc. 

When  writing  informal  letters  to  distinguished  per- 
sons the  form  must  be  regulated  by  the  intimacy  of  the 
parties.  Friendly  letters  might  begin  "  Dear  Senator," 
or  "My  dear  General,"  or  "Dear  Judge  So-and-so," 
and  conclude  with  "Yours  sincerely,"  or  any  other 
similar  form.  The  address  on  the  envelope,  however, 
would  be  the  same  for  informal  or  friendly  as  for  the 
more  formal  letters,  and  should  give  the  titles  prescribed 
by  social  usage.  The  commencement  and  conclusion 
for  formal  letters  to  distinguished  persons,  and  the 
address  on  the  envelope,  is  as  follows: 

FOR  GOVERNMENT  OFFICIALS. 

The  President. — Commencement, — "Sir,  Your  Excellency:" 
conclusion, — "I  have  the  honor  to  be.  Sir,  your  most  obedient, 
humble  servant,  John  Jones."  Address  on  envelope, — "To  His 
Excellency,  The  President  of  the  United  States,  Washington,  D.  C." 

The  Presidenfs  Wife. — Commencement, — "Madam:"  con- 
clusion,— "  I  have  the  honor  to  be.  Madam,  your  most  obedient, 
humble  servant,  A.  B."  Address  on  envelope, — "  To  Mrs.  President 
Hayes,  Executive  Mansion,  Waehirigton,  D.  C." 


LETTERS  AND  NOTES. 


413 


-  TheVice-President.— Commence —''Sir:' ^  conclude,— "  I  have 
the  honor  to  be,  Sir,  yoar  most  obedient,  humble  servant."  Direct 
the  letter  to  "  The  Honorable  [then  give  the  name],  Yice-President 
of  the  United  States;"  or,  to  "The  Honorable  the  Yice-President 
of  the  United  States,  [  then  ^ve  the  town  and  state  ] ." 

The  Vice-Presidenfs  TFz/e.— Commence,— *' Madam: con- 
clude,— "I  have  the  honor  to  be,  Madam,  your  most  obedient, 
humble  servant."  Address  on  the  envelope,  "  To  Mrs.  Yice-Presi- 
dent  ,  [then  add  the  to^m  and  state]." 

The  Cabinet  Oncers.— Commence,— "  Sir:  "  conclude, — "I 
have  the  honor  to  be.  Sir,  your  obedient,  humble  servant."  Address 
the  letter  to  "The  Honorable  [giving  the  name],  Secretary  of 
State;"  or,  to  "The  Honorable  the  Secretary  of  State  [or  of  the 
Interior,  or  the  Navy,  or  Tvhichever  it  may  be] 

Wives  of  Cabinet  Officers. — Commence, — "  Madam:  "  con- 
clude,— "I  have  the  honor  to  be,  Madam,  your  obedient,  humble 
servant."  Address  the  letter  to  '*  Mrs.  Secretary  Evarts  [or  what- 
ever the  husband's  name  may  be  ] ." 

Senators. — Commence, — "  Sir: "  conclude, — "  I  have  the  honor 
to  be,  Sir,  your  obedient,  humble  servant,"  Address  the  letter  to 
"The  Honorable  [give  the  name].  Senator  from  [give  the  State], 
Washington,  D.  C." 

Senators'  Wives. — Commence, — "Madam:"  conclude, — "I 
have  the  honor  to  be,  Madam,  your  obedient,  humble  servant.'' 
Address  a  letter  to  "  Mrs.  Senator  [give  the  name,  then  give  the 
town  and  state  ] ." 

Speaker  of  the  House. — Commence, — "Sir:"  conclude, — "I 
have  the  honor  to  be,  Sir,  your  obedient,  humble  servant." 
Address  a  letter  to  "  The  Honorable  [give  the  name].  Speaker  of 
the  House  of  Representatives;"  or,  "The  Honorable  the  Speaker 
of  the  House  of  R-epresentatives  [  then  give  the  to^m  and  state  ] ." 

The  Wife  of  the  Speaker  of  the  House. — Commence, — 
"Madam:"  conclude, — "I  have  the  honor  to  be.  Madam,  your 
obedient,  humble  servant."  Address  a  letter  to  "Mrs.  Speaker 
[give  the  name] ,  Washington,  D,  C." 

Representatives  in  Congress. — Commence, — "Sir:"  conclude, 
— "  I  have  the  honor  to  be,  Sir,  your  obedient  [or  humble]  servant.'' 
Address  a  letter  to  "The  Honorable  [give  the  name],  House  of 
Representatives,  Washington,  D.  C." 


414 


LETTERS  AND  NOTES. 


The  Wives  of  Representatives. — Commence, — "Madam:" 
conclude, — "  I  have  the  honor  to  be.  Madam,  your  obedient 
servant."  Address  a  letter  to  "Mrs.  Congressman  [give  the  name, 
then  give  town  and  state  ] ." 

The  Chief  Justice. — Commence, — "Sir:"  conclude, — "I  have 
the  honor  to  be.  Sir,  your  obedient,  humble  servant."  Address  a 
letter  to  "The  Honorable  [give  the  name],  Chief  Justice  of  the 
United  States  [  give  town  and  state  ]; "  or,  to  "  The  Honorable  the 
Chief  Justice  of  the  United  States." 

The  Wife  of  the  Chief  Justice. — Commence, — "Madam:" 
conclude,— "I  have  the  honor  to  be.  Madam,  your  obedient, 
humble  servant."  Address  a  letter  to  "Mrs.  Chief  Justice  [give 
name,  add  town  and  state  ] ." 

Justices  of  the  Supreme  Court, — Commence, — "Sir:"  con- 
clude,— "I  have  the  honor  to  be,  Sir,  your  obedient,  humble 
servant."  Address  a  letter  to  "The  Honorable  [give  name], 
Justice  of  the  Supreme  Court  [  add  town  and  state] ." 

Wives  of  Supreme  Court  Justices. — Commence, — "Madam:" 
conclude, "  I  have  the  honor  to  be,  Madam,  your  obedient,  humble 
servant."  Address  a  letter, — "  Mrs.  Justice  [  give  name,  add  town 
and  state] ." 

Foreign  Ambassadors. — Commence, — "Sir,  Your  Excel- 
lency: "  conclude, — "  I  have  the  honor  to  be.  Sir,  your  Excellency's 
most  obedient,  humble  servant."  Address  a  letter  "  To  His  Excel- 
lency,  ,  Ambassador  from  the  Court  of  [  give  the  court  or 

country];"  or,  it  might  be  "Envoy  Extraordinary  and  Minister 
Plenipotentiary  to  [  or  from]  the  Court  of  [or,  ' H.  M.,  the  King  of 
 ']•" 

A  Foreign  Co?isitZ.— Commence, — "Sir;"  conclude,— "I  have 
the  honor  to  be.  Sir,  your  obedient,  humble  servant."    Address  a 

letter  "  To  ,  Esq.,  U.  S.  Consul  to  ,  [state  the 

country,  as,  for  example,  'Her  Britannic  Majesty'],  at  [give  the 
place,  as,  for  instance,  ' Liverpool,  England'  ] ." 

FOR  STATE  OFFICIALS. 

To  a  Governor. — Commence, ^ — "  Sir,  Your  Excellency  : " 
conclude, — "I  have  the  honor  to  be.  Sir,  your  most  obedient, 
humble  servant."  Address  a  letter  "To  His  Excellency  [give 
name],  Governor  of  [give  the  state,  then  give  the  city  and  state]." 


LETTERS  AXD  NOTES. 


415 


To  a  Governors  Wife. — CormnGncement  and  conclnsion,  the 
same  as  for  the  President's  vrite.  Address  a  letter  to  "  Mrs,  Gov- 
ernor [give  name,  then  give  town,  or  city,  and  state]." 

To  a  Lieutenant-Governor. — Commencement  and  conclusion, 
same  as  for  Governor.  Address  a  letter  to  "  The  Honorable  [  give 
the  name],  Lieutenant-Governor  of  [give  state,  then  add  the 
town,  etc]." 

A  Lieutenant-Governor  s  Wife. — Commencement  and  con- 
clusion, the  same  as  for  the  wife  of  the  President.  Address  a 
letter  to  "Mrs.  Lieutenant-Governor  [give  name,  etc.]" 

A  State  Senator. — Commencement  and  conclusion,  the  same 
as  for  Governor.  Address  a  letter  to  "The  Honorable  [  give  name], 
State  Senator  [then  give  town,  etc.]  " 

State  Senators'  Wives. — Same  form  as  for  United  States 
senators'  wives. 

State  Representatives. — Commencement,  conclusion  and  ad- 
dress, same  as  for  representatives  in  Congress. 

Wives  of  Representatives. — Commencement  and  conclusion, 
same  as  given  for  the  wives  of  senators.  Address  a  letter  to 
"  Mrs.  Honorable  [  give  name,  town,  etc.]  " 

State  Supreme  Co^irt  Judg.es. — Same  as  for  Judges  of  the 
United  States  Supreme  Court. 

Wives  of  Judges  of  State  Supreme  Courts. — Same  as  wives 
of  Judges  of  L'nited  States  Supreme  Court. 

Other  State  Officers. — Commencement  and  conclusion,  the 
same  as  for  Governor.  In  addressing  a  letter,  give  the  title 
"Honorable,"  then  the  name,  and  then  the  office  held;  as,  for 
example, — "  The  Honorable  W.  O.  Blank,  State  Treasurer, 
Springfield,  HI." 

Other  Official  Persons—In  formally  addressing  any  one  with 
an  official  title  (like  the  President  of  a  Board  of  Education,  etc.^ 
etc.),  commence  a  letter  with  "Sir,"  as  that  is  more  formal  than 
the  "Dear  Sir,"  and  conclude  with  "  I  have  the  honor  to  be,  Sir, 
your  obedient  [or  humble]  servant."  In  addressing  the  envelope, 
the  title  "  Honorable  "  is  given,  then  the  name,  and  then  the  office 
he  holds,  thus:  "The  Honorable  A.  B.  So-and-so,  President  of 
the  Board  of  Education,  Chicago,  111.;"  or,  "Chancellor  of  tie 
State  University,  Syracuse,  N.  Y."  A  judge  is  of  course  addressed 


416 


LETTERS  AND  NOTES. 


as  "Judge  Sidney  Drake,"  and  a  mayor  as  "Mayor  William 
Brown."  The  growing  American  custom  is  to  address  the  wife 
with  the  husband's  title,  as,  for  example, — "  Mrs.  Judge  Drake," 
or  "  Mrs.  Mayor  Brown." 

MILITAKY  OFFICERS. 

In  addressing  military  oflBcers  the  commencement  of  a  formal 
letter  is  "  Sir,"  and  the  conclusion  is,  "  I  have  the  honor  to  be.  Sir, 
your  obedient,  humble  servant."  In  addressing  a  letter  always 
give  the  official  title,  as  for  example,  "  Brigadier-General  John  A. 
Smith,"  or  "Colonel  William  Black,"  or  "Lieutenant  George 
Stone."  The  wives  have  their  husbands'  titles,  as,  "  Mrs.  Colonel 
Brown."  The  commencement  and  conclusion  of  letters  to  such 
ladies  is  the  same  as  for  the  wives  of  Senators,  which  we  gave. 

NAVAL  OFFICERS. 

The  same  forms  are  used  for  the  commencement  and  conclu- 
sion of  letters  as  for  military  officers.  In  addressing  letters  to  them 
the  title  is  given,  as  "  Rear- Admiral  Porter,"  or  "  Lieutenant 
Briggs."  The  same  forms  or  rules  apply  in  addressing  their  wives 
as  for  those  of  military  officers. 

THE  CLERGY. 

An  ArchbisJiop : — Commence,—"  My  Archbishop: "  conclude, 
— "I  have  the  honor  to  be,  with  the  highest  respect,  your  Grace's 
most  obedient,  humble  servant."  Address  the  envelope  "  To  His 
Grace,  the  Archbishop  of   ,  [then  give  town  and  state]." 

To  a  Bishop  .-—Commence.—"  My  Honored  Bishop: "  conclude, 

— "I  have  the  honor  to  be,  Bishop,  your  most  obedient,  humble 

servant."  Address  a  letter, — "To  the  Right  Rev.  the  Bishop  of 
 )> 

To  Clergymen: — Commence, — "Reverend  Sir:  "  conclude, — 
"  I  have  the  honor  to  be,  Reverend  Sir,  your  obedient  [or  humble] 
servant."  Address  a  letter, — "  To  Rev.  John  Jones  [then  add 
*D.  D.,'  or  *  LL.  D.,'  or  both,  if  he  is  entitled  to  them,  or  address 
him  as  "  Rev.  Dr.  Jones."]  In  addressing  a  clergyman  whose 
christian  name  is  unknown,  the  form  is  "  Rev.  Mr.  Jones,"  when, 
if  his  name  was  known,  it  would  be  "  Rev.  John  Jones." 


LETTEES  AND  NOTES. 


417 


One  clergyman  writing  to  another  -with  whom  he  has  Httle 
acquaintance  beyond  being  in  the  same  profession,  frequently 
adopts  the  form,  "  Eev.  and  dear  Sir."  After  exchanging  one  or 
two  letters,  he  adopts  the  "  Dear  Sir," 

MISCELLANEOUS  TITLES. 

Various  titles  of  a  miscellaneous  character  are  used  in 
addressing  letters  and  notes  of  invitation,  and  we  offer  the  follow- 
ing list,  which  will  include  most  titles  of  that  kind: 

His  Excellency  and  Mrs.  J.  A.  Garfield. 

Governor  and  Mrs.  Kichard  Oglesby. 

Hon.  and  Mrs.  William  M.  Evarts. 

Rev.  (or  Rev.  Dr.)  and  Mrs.  Leonard  W.  Bacon. 

Professor  and  Mrs.  J.  H.  Mather. 

Dr.  and  Mrs.  W.  O.  Brown. 

If  the  wife  also  has  a  title,  one  of  the  following  may  be  the  form: 
Drs.  Geo.  H.  and  Ellen  O.  Howard. 
Rev.  O.  B.  and  Mrs.  Dr.  J.  E.  Frost. 
Mr.  W.  H.  and  Mrs,  Dr.  H.  F.  Briggs. 

In  addressing  a  lady  alone  the  following  are  the  forms: 
Mrs.  Rev.  John  W.  Sampson. 

Rev.  Mrs.  Geo.  Stone,  or  Rev.  Mrs.  Julia  F.  Stone. 
Rev.  Miss  Abbey  S.  Smith,  or  Rev.  Abbey  S.  Smith. 
Miss  Dr.  Mary  B.  Cole,  or  Dr.  Mary  B.  Cole. 

His  Eminence  is  applied  to  a  Cardinal. 

His  Grace  is  applied  to  an  Archbishop. 

Right  Rev.  is  applied  to  a  Bishop. 

Very  Rev.  is  applied  to  a  Vicar  General. 

Rev.  is  applied  to  a  Clergyman,  Priest  or  Rabbi. 

D.  D.  is  applied  to  a  Doctor  of  Divinity. 

LL.  D.  is  applied  to  a  Doctor  of  Laws. 

Dr.  or  M.  D.  is  applied  to  a  Physician  or  Surgeon. 

Dr.,  D.  D.  S.,  or  D.  M.  D.,  is  applied  to  a  Dentist. 

D.  M.  is  applied  to  a  Doctor  of  Music. 

Prof,  is  applied  to  College  Professors,  Teachers  and  eminent 
Scholars  and  Scientists,  who  are  specialists  in  any  branch  of 
learning. 

His  Eiccellency  is  applied  to  the  President  •of  the  United 
States,  the  Governor  of  a  State,  and  the  MiiSsters  to  or  from  our 
country. 


418 


LETTERS  AND  NOTES. 


The  term  Honorable  is  applied  to  the  Vice-President,  mem 
bers  of  the  Cabinet,  Senators  and  Representatives,  heads  ol 
Departments  and  their  Assistants,  Lieutenant  Governors,  mem- 
bers of  a  State  Legislature,  Consuls,  Mayors  of  cities  and  Judges 
of  Law  Courts. 

FOREIGN  TITLES. 

The  Queen  (or  King): — Commence — "  Madam  [or  Sir]:  "  con- 
clude— "  I  have  the  honor  to  be,  with  the  profoundest  veneration, 
Madam  [or  Sir],  your  Majesty's  most  faithful  subject  and  dutiful 
servant,"  Address  the  envelope — "To  the  Queen's  [or  King's] 
Most  Excellent  Majesty." 

Members  of  Royal  Family : — Commence — "  Sir  [or  Madam]: " 
conclude — "  I  have  the  honor  to  be,  Sir  [or  Madam],  your  Royal 
Highness'  most  obedient,  humble  servant."  Address  envelope 
— "  To  His  [or  Her]  Royal  Highness." 

A  Duke  or  Duchess : — Commence — "  My  Lord  Duke  [or  My 
Lady]:"conclude — "I  have  the  honor  to  be,  my  Lord  Duke  [or 
Madam],  your  Grace's  most  obedient,  humble  servant."  Address 

envelope,  "  His  Grace,  the  Duke  of  ,"  or  "  Her  Grace,  the 

Duchess  of  ." 

Marquis  or  Marchioness : — Commence, — "  My  Lord  Marquis 
[or  My  Lady]:"  conclude, — "I  have  the  honor  to  be,  my  Lord 
Marquis  [or  Madam] ,  your  Lordship's  [or  Ladyship's]  most 
obedient,  humble  servant."  Address  the  envelope,  "  The  Most 
Noble,  the  Marquis  [or  Marchioness]  of  ." 

Earl  or  Countess: — Commence, — "My  Lord  [or  My  Lady]:  " 
conclude, — "  I  have  the  honor  to  be,  Sir  [or  Madam],  your  most 
obedient,  humble  servant."  Address  envelope, — "To  the  Right 
Honorable  the  Earl  of  [or  Countess  of]  ." 

Viscount  or  Viscountess: — Commence, — "My  Lord  [or  My 
Lady]:"  conclude,  same  as  for  Earl.  Address  envelope, — "The 
Right  Honorable  the  Viscount  [or  Viscountess]  of   ." 

V  Baron  or  Baroness : — Commence, — "  My  Lord  [or  My  Lady] : " 
conclude,  same  as  for  Earl.  Address  envelope, — "The  Right 
Honorable  the  Lord  [or  Lady]  ." 

Archbishop: — Commence,  —  "My  Lord  Archbishop:"  con- 
clude,—"I  have  the  honor  to  be,  my  Lord  Archbishop,  with  the 


« 


LETTERS  AND  NOTES. 


419 


highest  respect,  your  Grace's  most  obedient,  humble  servant." 
Address  envelope,  "  To  His  Grace,  the  Lord  Archbishop  of  ." 

Bisliop: — Commence, — "My  Lord  Bishop:"  conclude, — "I 
have  the  honor  to  be,  my  Lord  Bishop,  your  Lordship's  most 
obedient,  humble  servant."  Address  envelope, — "To  the  Right 
Rev.,  the  Bishop  of  ." 

Widows  of  Peers,  if  the  successors  to  the  title  are  married, 

are  addressed,  "  Her  Grace,  the  Duchess  Dowager  of   ,"  or 

"The  Most  Noble,  the  Marchioness  Dowager  of  —  ." 

Baronets,  in  order  to  distinguish  them  from  Knights,  are 
addressed  thus:  "Sir  H.  Grey,  Bart." 

A  Knight  would  be  addressed,  "  Sir  J.  Jones,  Kt." 

Right  Hon.  is  applied  to  the  members  of  the  Privy  Council, 
the  Lord  Provost  of  Edinburg  and  the  Lord  Mayors  of  London, 
York  and  Dublin,  during  their  continuance  in  office. 

Honor arij  titles  of  "K.  G„"  "  K.  C.  B.,"  "M.  P.,"  etc.,  may  be 
added  to  a  name.  "When  there  is  more  than  one  title  applicable 
to  the  same  person,  it  is  customary  to  give  one  only,  and  include 
the  others  under  an  "  etc."  Thus,  for  example,  "  H.  R.  H.,  the 
Prince  of  Wales,  K.  G.,  etc." 

The  title  Lady  is  prefixed  to  the  name  of  those  women  whose 
husbands  are  Knights  or  higher  in  rank,  or  whose  fathers  are 
Earls  or  higher. 

All  the  sons  of  Dukes  and  Marqidses,  and  the  eldest  sons  of 
Earls,  have  the  title  of  Lord  and  Right  Honorable,  and  their 
wives  are  addressed  accordingly. 

The  younger  sons  of  Earls,  and  the  sons  of  Viscounts  and 
Barons,  are  styled  Esquire  and  Honorable.  The  daughters  and 
sons'  wives  are  also  Honorable. 

ANSWERING  LETTERS. 

It  is  as  disrespectful  not  to  answer  a  letter  promptly 
as  it  is  not  to  reply  when  spoken  to.  If  a  letter  is 
disrespectful  or  insulting  it  should  be  returned  at  once 
to  tlie  writer,  but  otherwise  it  should  receive  a  prompt 
answer.  In  business  letters  especially,  promptness  in 
replying  is  very  important. 


420 


LETTEKS  AND  NOTES. 


In  answering  letters  it  is  customary  to  first  acknowl- 
edge the  receipt,  and  mention  the  date,  of  the  letter  to 
which  you  are  replying.  In  business  letters  the  sub- 
stance of  the  letter  is  also  frequently  given  before 
proceeding  with  the  answer.  Some  form  like  the  fol- 
lowing is  often  used:  "  I  am  in  receipt  of  your  esteemed 
favor  of  the  15th  inst.,  iu  quiring  the  price  of  my  farm. 
In  reply  I  would  say,  etc."  Another  form  would  be:  "I 
have  just  received,  on  my  return  to  the  city  after  a  short 
absence,  the  letter  you  did  me  the  honor  to  write  on  the 
25th  ulto."  Friendly  letters  would  begin  more  as  fol- 
lows: "Dear  Hattie, — I  received  on  yesterday  your 
welcome  letter  of  the  14th  inst." 

When  several  inquiries  are  made  in  a  letter,  a  careful 
and  detailed  reply  should  be  made  to  each  one,  going 
over  the  letter  point  by  point  In  business  letters, 
certainly,  one  cannot  be  too  careful  and  explicit. 

It  is  not  good  form  for  two  persons  to  write  in  the 
same  letter.  Great  intimacy  with  the  one  addressed 
may  at  times  excuse  it,  but  it  is  rarely  allowable. 

LETTEES  OP  CONDOLENCE. 

These  are  probably  among  the  most  difficult  letters 
any  one  is  called  upon  to  write.  Some  people  seem  to 
have  a  natural  gift  for  writing  friends  at  such  a  time, 
but  others  are  at  a  loss  what  to  say.  At  such  times  no 
high-sounding  or  stilted  phrases  should  be  used,  and 
all  straining  after  effect  should  be  avoided.  The  open 
wounds  must  be  touched  gently  if  they  are  to  be  soothed 
instead  of  irritated.  Labored  attempts  to  "administer 
consolation"  are  out  of  place.  What  is  needed  is  a 
simple  and  genuine  expression  of  sympathy. 

Letters  of  condolence  should  be  written  as  soon  as 
possible  after  hearing  of  the  affliction  or  misfortune 
which  has  overtaken  a  friend.    Some  authors  insist  that 


LETTERS  AND  NOTES. 


421 


letters  of  condolence  slioulcl  be  written  on  black-edged 
pax^er,  bnt  others  do  not,  and  we  do  not  think  the  best 
form  requires  it. 

Answering  letters  of  condolence  promptly  is  not 
demanded.  The  afflicted  ones  are  often  in  little  mood 
for  writing,  and  their  feelings  should  not  be  taxed  to 
reply  to  all  letters  received  at  such  a  time. 

The  following  letter,  sent  by  Thomas  Jefferson  to 
John  Adams,  on  the  death  of  the  latter's  wife,  is  a  model 
in  its  form  and  spirit,  and  may  interest  our  readers: 

MONTICELLO,  Nov.  13,  1818. 

The  public  papers,  my  dear  friend,  annouace  the  fatal  event  of  which  your 
letter  of  October  the  20th  had  given  me  ominous  foreboding.  Tried,  myself, 
in  the  school  of  affliction,  by  the  loss  of  every  form  of  connection  vrhich  can 
rive  the  human  heart,  I  knovr  well  and  feel  what  you  have  lost,  what  you  have 
suffered,  are  suffering,  and  have  yet  to  endure.  The  same  trials  have  taught  me 
that  for  ills  so  immeasurable,  time  and  silence  are  the  only  medicine.  1  will 
not,  therefore,  by  useless  condolences,  open  afresh  the  sluices  of  your  grief,  nor, 
although  mingling  sincerely  my  tears  with  yours,  will  I  say  a  word  more  where 
words  are  vain,  but  it  is  some  comfort  to  us  both  that  the  time  is  not  far  distant 
at  which  we  are  to  deposit  in  the  same  cerement  our  sorrows  and  suffering 
bodies,  and  to  ascend  in  essence  to  an  ecstatic  meeting  with  the  friends  we  have 
loved  and  lost,  and  whom  we  shall  still  love  and  never  lose  again.  God  bless 
you  and  support  you  under  your  heavy  affliction. 

TH.  JEFFERSON. 

LAFAYETTE  TO  JEFFERSON,  ANNOUNCING  THE 
DEATH  OF  HIS  AVIFE. 

AxTEUiL,  Jan.  11, 1808. 

My  dear  Friend: — The  constant  motirning  of  your  heart  will  be  deepened 
by  the  grief  I  am  doomed  to  impart  to  you.  Who  better  than  you  can  sympathize 
for  the  loss  of  a  beloved  wife?  The  angel  who  for  tliirty-four  years  has  blessed 
my  life,  was  to  you  an  affectionate,  grateful  friend.  Pity  me,  my  dear  Jefferson, 
and  believe  me,  forever,  with  all  my  heart, 

Yours, 

LAFAYETTE. 

[Although  not  strictly  a  letter  of  condolence,  this  is  a  letter  of  mourning, 
and  we  place  it  under  this  head.  It  will  doubtless  interest  many  readers  by  its 
touching  pathos. J 


422 


LETTERS  AND  NOTES. 


TO  A  DAUGHTER  ON  THE  DEATH  OF  A  CHILD. 

My  darling  Emma: — Oh,  how  my  heart  aches  for  yon!  1  feel  as  thongh  my 
own  loss  was  almost  as  much  as  yours.  I  cannot  write  much— I  am  blinded  by 
my  tears.  Oh !  that  I  could  be  with  you,  to  hold  you  in  my  arms  and  mingle  my 
tears  with  yours.   May  Grod  comfort  yoa,  my  darling — that  is  our  only  refuge. 

MOTHER. 

LETTER  TO  A  FRIEND  ON  HEARING  OF  A  REVERSE 
OF  FORTUNE. 

Mobile,  Ala.,  Dec.  5,  1889. 

My  dear  Mary:—1  am  deeply  pained  to  hear  of  your  husband's  sad  and 
Budden  loss  of  property.  I  hoped  that  with  his  experience  and  knowledge  of 
business  he  would  not  become  involved  in  speculation.  Do  not  look  at  matters 
as  hopeless,  but  try  and  sustain  your  husband  in  his  misfortune,  and  let  him 
feel  that  his  wife  can  cheerfully  part  with  luxuries  that  are  often  more  highly 
prized  than  they  deserve.  Your  character  is  still  unchanged,  and  your  friends 
esteem  you  as  highly  as  ever.  By  economy  and  well-directed  effort  your  husband 
may  soon  regain  his  position.  ^ 

Trusting  that  your  calamity  may  not  prove  as  bad  as  at  first  anticipated^ 
and  that  your  prospects  may  soon  brighten,  I  am. 

Your  devoted  friend, 

JULIA  B.  THOMPSON. 

To  Mrs.  Maby  Black,  Atlanta,  Ga. 

TO  A  FRIEND  AFTER  SUSTAINING  A  LOSS  BY  FIRE. 

Frankfobt,  Ky.,  June  19, 1889. 

My  dear  Hopkins:—!  am  sincerely  sorry  to  hear  of  the  destruction  of  your 
store  by  fire.  I  understand  you  were  only  partially  insured,  but  trust  jou  will 
not  be  seriously  embarrassed.  The  spirit  with  which  reverses  are  met  shows  the 
metal  of  the  man,  and  with  your  ability  and  perseverance  I  doubt  not  you  will 
soon  be  in  better  shape  than  ever  before.  In  the  meantime  be  assured  of  my 
warmest  sympathy,  and,  if  I  can  be  of  further  assistance  to  you,  do  not  hesitate 
to  let  me  know.  Very  truly  yours, 

JOHN  W.  DRAPER. 

To  Frank  Hopkins, 

Lexington,  Ky. 


LETTERS  OF  (SONGRATULATION. 

These  may  be  written  to  a  friend  on  receiving  intel- 
ligence that  any  good  fortune  has  befallen  him,  or  upon 
the  occurrence  of  any  joyous  event  in  his  life.  They 


LETTERS  AXD  NOTES. 


428 


may  be  brief,  and  slionld  be  free  from  all  taint  of  envy 
or  foreboding.  No  irrelevant  matter  should  be  intro- 
duced, and  certainly  no  bad  news,  to  mar  the  cheerfulness 
of  the  note.  No  high-sounding  or  insincere  phrases 
should  ever  be  used,  but  a  merry — or,  possibly,  an 
exultant — tone  may  pervade  the  letter. 

Such  letters  should  be  sent  as  soon  as  possible  after 
the  occurrence  of  the  events  which  call  them  forth. 

Unlike  letters  of  condolence,  these  letters  should  be 
answered  as  promptly  as  circumstances  will  allow. 


A  FORMAL  LETTER  OF  COXGRATULATION. 


95  Argyle  Place, 

Dec.  15, 1SS9. 


FOEMAL  COXGRITULATIOX  OX  THE  BIETH  OF 
A  SOX. 

Mr.  and  Mrs.  Brownell  desire  to  tender  their  hearty  congratulations  to 
Mr.  and  Mrs.  Slason  upon  the  fnlhlment  of  their  wish  for  a  son  and  heir. 
Br>">rTSiDE,  May  10,  1SS9. 

COXGRATULATIXG  A  YOUXG  LADY  OX  HEE 
BIETHDAY. 

Memphis,  June  20, 1SS9. 
ily  dear  Hatiie;—!  awoke,  this  morning,  with  the  recollection  that  this  is 
your  birthday,  and  I  cannot  allow  the  day  to  pass  without  sending  you  my 
sincere  congratulations  on  the  completion  of  another  year  of  your  sunny  life- 


424 


LETTERS  AND  NOTES. 


You  are  now  just  reaching  an  age  when  yon  will  be  able  to  appreciate  the 
benefits  and  pleasures  of  social  life,  and  I  sincerely  hope  that  each  recurring 
anniversary  will  bring  you  increasing  happiness,  and  the  possession  of  that  high 
health  which  will  contribute  so  much  to  your  enjoyment. 

Your  sincere  friend, 

MAY  B.  WILLIAMS. 

To  Miss  Hattie  Bbown,  95  Bishop  Court. 


CONGRATULATING  A  FRIEND  ON  HIS  MARRIAGE. 

Fort  Worth,  Texas,  June  19, 1890. 
My^  dear  George  /  —I  have  just  received  your  card  giving  me  notice  of  your 
marriage.  Accept  my  hearty  congratulations  on  the  joyful  event.  Knowing  as 
I  have,  your  long  and  devoted  attachment,  I  am  the  more  rejoiced  at  its  happy 
culmination  in  marriage.  I  sincerely  hope  that  each  succeeding  year  may  find 
you  happier  than  the  one  before,  and  that  life's  richest  blessings  may  be  show- 
ered upon  you.  Cordially  yours, 

FKANK  CARROLL. 

To  George  Harding,  Dallas,  Texas. 


CONGRATULATING  A  FRIEND  ON  HIS  GOOD  FORTUNE. 

Atlanta,  Ga.,  Oct.  3,  1890. 
My  dear  Jones  :—l  have  just  learned  of  your  promotion  to  the  position  of 
cashier  in  the  bank.  No  one  has  noted  your  rapid  advancement  with  more 
pleasure  than  your  old  room-mate.  I  know  you  merit  all  the  preferment  you 
have  yet  received,  and  hope  this  is  only  the  preluJe  to  something  much  better. 
No  one  rejoices,  or  will  rejoice  more  at  your  success,  than 

Your  sincere  friend, 

JOHN  GOBLE. 

To  Henry  Jones,  Nashville,  Tenn. 


SOCIAL  AND  FRIENDLY  LETTERS. 

The  easy,  graceful  and  prompt  letter  writer  will 
usually  have  many  friends,  and  retain  them.  In  these 
days,  however,  the  long-drawn-out  letters  of  olden  times 
are  not  in  favor,  shorter  letters  having  taken  their  place. 
In  social  and  friendly  letters  a  free,  easy  and  uncon- 
strained style  is  the  most  suitable — a  style  free  from 
formality  and  pedantry.  In  writing  to  one's  friends,  all 
sorts  of  little  details  may  be  given.  These  things  give 
life  to  the  picture  and  to  those  who  feel  a  personal 
interest  in  one's  welfare  they  are  nearly  always  inter- 


LETTERS  AND  NOTES. 


425 


esting.  Those  si:  home  who  write  to  absent  members  of 
the  family  car  hardly  be  too  minute,  as  there  will  be 
some  association  in  memory  with  each  little  thing,  while 
those  who  are  among  strangers  and  writing  home  will 
increase  the  charm  of  their  letters  by  making  the 
sketches  of  their  new  life  and  surroundings  vivid.  The 
limpid  flowing  style,  however,  which  seems  so  easy  and 
graceful  when  read,  is  not  usually  acquired  without 
some  effort. 

One  thing  about  which  people,  should  be  very  care- 
ful, is  scolding  or  fault-finding  in  letters.  These  things 
are  bad  enough  when  spoken,  but  on  paper  the}'  are 
infinitely  worse,  and  may  rise  up  and  face  one  long  after 
the  spoken  word  would  have  been  forgotten.  "When 
angry,  one  should  avoid  pen,  ink  and  paper,  as  he  would 
a  nest  of  vipers.  So,  also,  the  fretful  and  complaining 
spirit  may  prompt  to  the  most  unfortunate  results,  as  in 
the  case  of  the  letters  of  Jane  Welsh  Carlyle. 

As  cheerful  a  tone  as  possible  should  be  maintained 
in  letters.  Of  course,  in  seasons  of  misfortune  and 
bereavement,  any  one  who  ^Tites  naturally,  must  allow 
his  feelings  to  ajDpear  in  his  letters,  and  at  such  times 
one's  friends  are  glad  to  sympathize  and  console,  but  on 
all  ordinary  occasions  a  cheerful  and  hopeful  tone  is 
vastly  better  than  the  doleful,  dolorous  style. 

Following  is  a  letter  written  by  Sir  Walter  Scott  to 
his  son,  which  is  a  very  good  specimen  of  a  family 
letter. 

Abbotsford,  22d  October,  1824. 
My  Dear  Charles  .-—I  am  glad  to  hear  you  are  Baf  ely  settled  at  college— I 
trust  with  the  intention  of  making  your  residence  there  subserTient  to  the 
purposes  of  steady  ?tudy,  without  which  it  will  be  only  a  waste  of  expense  and 
leisure.  I  believe  the  matter  depends  very  much  on  a  youth  himself,  and,  there- 
fore, hope  to  hear  that  you  are  strenuously  exerting  yourself  to  hold  an 
honorable  situation  among  the  students  of  your  celebrated  university.  Your 
course  will  not  be  unmarked,  as  something  is  expected  from  the  son  of  any 
literary  man;  Eind  in  this  case  I  sincerely  hope  these  expectations  will  be  amply 
gratified. 


426 


LETTERS  AND  NOTES. 


I  am  obliged  to  Mr.  Hughes  for  his  kind  attentions  in  your  faror,  as  I  dare 
say  that  any  one  to  whom  he  introduces  you  will  be  acquaintance  worth  culti- 
vating .  I  shall  be  glad  to  hear  that  you  have  taken  up  your  ground  at  college , 
and  who  are  like  to  be  your  set .  I  hope  you  will  make  your  way  to  the  clever 
fellows  and  not  put  up  with  doldrums.  Every  man  soon  falls  behind  who 
does  not  aspire  to  keep  '^ith  the  foremost  in  the  race. 

I  have  little  domestic  news  to  tell  you.  Old  Maida  died  quietly  in  his  straw 
last  week  after  a  good  supper,  which,  considering  his  weak  state,  was  rather  a 
deliverance.  He  is  buried  below  his  monument,  on  which  the  followiug  epitaph 
is  engraved— though  it  is  great  audacity  to  send  Teviotdale  Latin  to  Brazenose: 

"  Maidae  marmorse  dormis  sub  imagine  Maida, 
Ad  januam  domini;  sit  tibi  terra  levis." 

Thus  Englished  by  an  eminent  hand— 

"  Beneath  the  sculptured  form  which  late  you  wore, 
Sleep  soundly,  Maida,  at  your  master's  door." 

Yesterday  we  had  our  solemn  hunt  and  killed  fourteen  hares,  but  a  dog  of 
Sir  Adam's  broke  her  leg,  and  was  obliged  to  be  put  to  death  in  the  field.  Little 
Johnnie  talka  the  strangest  gibberish  I  ever  heard,  by  way  of  repeating  his  little 
poems.  I  wish  the  child  may  ever  speak  plain.  Mamma,  Sophia,  Anne  and  I 
send  love.  Always  your  affectionate  father, 

WALTER  SCOTT. 

We  also  give  a  letter  written  by  the  poet,  Thomas 
Gray,  to  his  mother: 

Lyons,  October  13  (N.  S.),  1739. 

Dear  Mother :— It  is  now  almost  five  weeks  since  I  left  Dijon,  one  of  the 
gayest  and  most  agreeable  little  cities  of  France,  for  Lyons,  its  reverse  in  all  these 
particulars.  It  is  the  second  in  the  kingdom  in  bigness  and  rank  ;  the  streets 
are  excessively  narrow  and  nasty  ;  the  houses  immensely  high  and  large  (that, 
for  instance,  where  we  are  lodged  has  twenty- five  rooms  on  a  floor,  and  that  for 
five  stories);  it  swarms  with  inhabitants  like  Paris  itself,  but  chiefly  a  mercan- 
tile people,  too  much  given  up  to  commerce  to  think  of  their  own,  much  less  a 
stranger's  diversions.  We  have  no  acquaintance  in  the  town,  but  such  English 
as  happen  to  be  passing  through  on  their  way  to  Italy  and  the  south,  which  at 
present  happen  to  be  nearly  thirty  in  number.  It  is  a  fortnight  since  we  set  out 
from  hence  upon  a  little  excursion  to  Geneva.  We  took  the  longest  road,  which 
lies  through  Savoy,  on  purpose  to  see  a  famous  mountain  called  the  Grand 
Chartreuse,  and  had  no  reason  to  think  our  time  lost.  After  having  traveled 
seven  days  very  slow  (for  we  did  not  change  horses,  it  being  impossible  for  a 
chaise  to  go  post  in  these  roads)  we  arrived  at  a  little  village,  among  the  moun- 
tains of  Savoy,  called  Eschelles,  from  thence  we  proceeded  on  horses,  who  are 
used  to  the  way,  to  the  mountain  of  the  Chartreuse.  It  is  six  miles  to  the  top; 
the  road  runs  winding  up  it,  commonly  not  six  feet  broad;  on  one  hand  is  the 
rock  with  woods  of  pine  trees  hanging  overhead,  on  the  other,  a  monstrous 
precipice,  almost  perpendicular,  at  the  bottom  of  which  rolls  a  torrent,  that 
sometimes  tumbling  among  the  fragments  of  stone  that  have  fallen  from  on 
high,  and  sometimes  precipitating  itself  down  vast  descents  with  a  noise  like 
thunder,  which  is  still  made  greater  by  the  echo  from  the  mountains  on  each 


LETTERS  AND  NOTES. 


427 


side,  concurs  to  form  one  of  the  most  solemn,  most  romantic,  and  the  most 
astonishing  scenes  I  have  ever  beheld.  Add  to  this  the  strange  views  made  by 
the  crags  and  cliffs  on  the  other  hand;  the  cascades  from  many  places  throw 
themselves  from  the  very  summit  down  into  the  vale  and  the  river  below,  and 
many  other  particulars  impossible  to  describe  ;  you  will  conclude  we  had  nc 
occasion  to  repent  our  pains. 

LETTERS  OF  INTRODUCTION. 

Letters  of  introduction  should  be  brief.  They  are 
always  left  unsealed,  so  that  the  bearer  can  easily  see 
what  is  written.  We  explained  in  our  chapter  on  "In- 
troductions" (which  see)  the  etiquette  regulating  the 
giving,  presenting  and  receiving  of  such  letters.  The 
envelope  should  be  addressed  in  the  following  form: 

Mrs.  Horace  Williams, 

98  Newport  Ave., 

St.  Louis, 

Introducing  Mo. 
Miss  Alice  Brown. 

It  is  always  well  to  explain  a  little  about  the  char- 
acter or  business  of  the  one  bearing  the  letter  of 
introduction,  and  some  graceful  and  complimentary 
remark  is  always  in  good  form.  Such  explanations  give 
the  recipient  of  the  letter  some  clue  to  act  upon. 

The  form  for  a  letter  of  introduction  is  usually  about 
as  follows: 

Boston,  May  19, 1889. 
My  dear  Mrs.  Mead;— I  take  great  pleasure  in  introducing  to  you  my  old 
friend  and  schoolmate,  Miss  Ellen  Fisk.    She  expects  to  spend  a  few  months  in 
your  city,  and  I  am  confident  you  will  derive  much  pleasure  from  her  acquaint- 
ance.  Any  attention  you  can  show  her  will  be  warmly  appreciated  by 

Yours  sincerely, 

ToMbs.  J.  O.  Mead,  OLIVIA  A.  CARROLL. 

New  York. 

A  very  terse  form  for  a  letter  of  introduction  would 
be  as  follows: 


428 


LETTERS  AND  NOTES. 


Spkingfield,  Mass.,  May  9, 1889. 
Dear  Mr.  Brown:— The  bearer  of  this  note,  Mr.  A.  B.  Cole,  is  my  old 
school  teacher.    Any  courtesies  you  can  show  him  will  oblige 

Yours  very  truly, 

To  Mb.  F.  O.  Beown,  MARY  B.  HOLMES. 

Boston,  Mass. 

INFORMAL  INVITATIONS. 

In  our  chapter  on  "Invitations,  Acceptances  and 
Regrets,"  we  discussed  quite  fully  the  matter  of  formal 
invitations.  Informal  invitations,  however,  must,  of 
course,  be  shaped  largely  by  the  relations  of  the  parties 
and  the  nature  of  the  occasion;  but,  even  in  these,  no 
lack  of  courtesy  should  ever  be  shown.  We  give  two  or 
three  specimens,  designed  more  for  suggestion  than 
anything  else.  They  are  designed  merely  to  illustrate 
the  informal  style : 

INVITATION  TO  A  PICNIC. 

Dear  Hattie  /—If  the  weather  is  propitious,  we  design,  in  connection  with 
a  few  of  our  friends,  to  have  a  picnic  at  "  The  Dells  "  next  Thursday.  Carriages 
will  start  from  Mrs.  Crosby's  at  nine  o'clock.  Can  we  count  on  the  pleasure 
of  your  company?  Come  if  you  can.  We  will  retain  a  seat  for  you  in  our 
carriage.  Sincerely  yours, 

Oct.  19,  1889.  CLARA  GOBLE. 

INVITATION  TO  A  CROQUET  PARTY. 

My  dear  Tom: — The  girls  are  planning  a  croquet  party  for  next  Friday 
afternoon  at  three  o'clock.  Can  we  count  on  you?  Miss  Jones  says  she  must 
play  on  your  side,  as  otherwise  she  is  sure  of  defeat.  We  shall  be  much  disap- 
pointed if  yon  can  not  come.  Sincerely  yours, 

To  Thomas  Horton.  FRANK  SPOONER. 

INVITATION  TO  A  PICNIC  PARTY.— A  LADY  TO  A 
GENTLEMAN. 

My  dear  Mr.  Brown: — My  cousins  from  Hartford  are  visiting  me  now,  and 
this  perfect  summer  weather  has  induced  us  to  plan  a  picnic  to  Ogden  Grove 
for  next  Wednesday.  We  will  start  about  ten  A.  M.,  and  the  present  plan  is  to 
return  by  moonlight.  If  you  can  join  us  we  shall  be  most  happy  to  have  yon. 
We  have  a  vacant  seat  for  you  in  our  carriage.   Can  we  expect  you? 

Yours  sincerely. 

To  Mr.  G.  G.  BBown.  EMMA  HARDING. 


LETTEES  AND  NOTES. 


429 


ANSWER  TO  THE  LATTER. 

My  dear  Miss  Harding  .-—Your  kind  invitation  for  the  picnic  next  Wednes- 
day is  just  received.  I  tave  been  longing  to  spend  a  day  in  the  country  for 
some  time,  and  it  will  afford  me  great  pleasure  to  attend.  I  will  call  at  your 
house  promptly  at  9:45.  Yours  sincerely, 

To  Miss  Emma  Haeding,  G.  G.  BROWN. 

92  Ogden  Ave. 


ANSWER  TO  INVITATION  TO  LUNCH. 


BUSINESS  LETTEES. 

Business  letters  shoiild  be  brief,  but  clear  and  to  the 
point.  The  time  of  business  men  is  valuable,  and  they 
do  not  care  to  waste  it  reading  long,  rambling  letters. 
At  the  same  time  clearness  should  not  be  sacrificed  nor 
essential  points  omitted  in  the  effort  to  be  brief.  It  is 
always  best  to  carefully  read  over  a  business  letter 
before  sending,  to  be  sure  that  no  mistake  has  been 
made,  and  that  no  essential  point  has  been  omitted.  A 
copy  should  be  kept  of  all  important  letters. 


430 


LETTERS  AND  NOTES. 


The  request  to  answer  or  forward  goods  "  by  return 
mail "  has  come  to  be  regarded  by  many  business  men  as  a 
mere  matter  of  form,  and  if  any  emergency  really  exists 
requiring  promptness,  it  is  better  to  state  the  reason; 
as,  for  example,  in  ordering  a  book  one  might  say,  "You 
will  oblige  me  by  sending  it  by  return  mail,  as  I  want 
it  for  a  birthday  present  on  the  15th  inst."  Any  mer- 
chant will  exert  himself  to  be  prompt  if  he  sees  there  is 
really  some  urgent  reason  for  it. 

Do  not  send  articles  of  value  or  money  (except  very 
small  amounts)  in  an  unregistered  letter.  Be  sure  the 
letter  is  correctly  addressed,  and  that  it  has  sufficient 
stamps  on  it,  before  mailing  it.  In  every  business  letter 
have  your  name  and  address  clearly  given,  so  that  a 
reply  can  be  sent  without  trouble.  Be  particular  to  see 
that  the  envelope  is  clearly  and  correctly  addressed. 

The  following  forms  which  we  give  are  mainly 
intended  to  be  suggestive  to  our  readers: 

A  LETTEE  SUBSCRIBING  FOR  A  MAGAZINE. 

Dayton,  O.,  Dec.  22,  1889. 

Messrs.  Harper  dt  Bros., 

New  York: 

Gentlemen ;— I  enclose  herewith  draft  for  four  dollars,  for  which  please 
send  me  the  "  Bazar  "  for  one  year,  from  Jan.  1st  next. 
Address:  Yours  respectfully, 

Miss  Jane  WII.LIAMS,  JANE  WILLIAMS. 

74  Hubbard  Street,  Dayton,  O. 

LETTER  ORDERING  GROCERIES. 

Seneca,  Kas„  Oct.  5,  1888. 

Messrs.  Jones  <&  Black, 

Gentlemen : — Please  deliver  the  following  groceries  to  the  bearer,  with  bill 
for  the  same: 

2  lbs.  Java  coffee,  roasted  (not  ground) ; 

3  lbs.  granulated  sugar; 

2  cakes  Ivory  soap.  • 
Charge  to  our  account,  and  oblige, 

Yours  respectfully, 

JULIA  A.  HUNT. 


LETTERS  AND  NOTES. 


431 


LETTER  OF  INQUIRY  ABOUT  A  SERVANT. 

19  Adams  St.,  Toledo,  O.,  Dec.  10,  1890. 
Dear  Madara  :—BT{<lgei  ;MahafEey  applies  to  me  for  the  position  of  cook, 
and  refers  me  to  you  for  information  about  her  character  and  competence.  I 
am  particularly  anxious  to  get  a  reliable  woman  this  time,  as  my  last  cook 
occasioned  me  much  trouble.  Any  information  regarding  her  qualifications 
will  be  thankfully  received.   I  am,  Madam, 

Your  obedient  servant. 
To  Mes.  H.  E.  Claek,  ANNIE  SLOAN. 

18  Bishop  Court. 


ANSWER  TO  THE  ABOVE. 

Toledo,  Dec.  11, 1890. 
Dear  Madam  .'—In  reply  to  your  favor  of  yesterday,  asking  about  Bridget 
Mahaffey,  I  beg  to  say  that  she  has  served  as  my  cook  for  about  a  year.   I  found 
her  entirely  competent,  and  believe  her  to  be  honest.   She  left  me  (much  to  my 
regret)  on  account  of  ill-health.   I  am,  Madam, 

Your  obedient  servant, 
To  Mes.  Annie  Sloan,  HELEN  CLARK. 

19  Adams  Street. 


APPLICATION  FOR  A  SITUATION. 

St.  Louis,  Mo.,  May  10, 1889. 

Messrs  Hunt  <&  Jones, 

Cincinnati,  O. 

GenfZemen.'— I  am  informed  by  my  friend,  Mr.  J.  G.  Brooks,  that  he  is 
going  South  on  account  of  ill-health,  and  that  you  will  need  a  type-writer  to  fill 
his  position.  I  would  like  to  apply  for  the  situation.  I  have  had  three  years 
experience,  and  refer  you  to  my  employers,  Messrs.  Hubbard  &  Spencer,  19 
Arch  St.,  as  to  my  ability,  I  prefer  working  in  Cincinnati,  as  I  have  relatives 
there.   Hoping  you  will  consider  my  application  favorably,  I  am. 

Respectfully  yours, 

GEO.  O.  SLOSON. 


As  every  one  should  be  familiar  with  the  forms  for 
notes  and  receipts,  we  give  the  forms  herewith : 

A  PROMISSORY  NOTE  WITHOUT  INTEREST. 

S200.  Dallas,  Tex.,  May  4,  1889. 

Sixty  days  after  date  I  promise  to  pay  to  William  Spooner,  or 
order,  at  the  First  National  Bank,  Two  Hundred  Dollars.  Value 
received.  John  Howard. 


432 


LETTERS  AND  NOTES. 


If  the  note  is  intended  to  draw  interest,  that  should 
be  added  by  saying,  "with  interest  at  six  (or  whatever 
it  may  be)  per  cent."  Unless  the  interest  is  mentioned 
none  can  be  collected. 


A  JOINT  NOTE. 

$100.  Los  Angeles,  Gal.,  May  9, 1889. 

Two  months  after  date  we  jointly  promise  to  pay  William 
Hammond,  or  order,  One  Hundred  Dollars;  value  received. 

George  Harding. 
H.  O.  Pratt. 


A  RECEIPT  ON  ACCOUNT. 

$400.  San  Francisco,  May  3, 1889. 

Received  of  Mary  Curtiss,  Four  Hundred  Dollars,  on  account. 

M.  D.  Walker. 


4 


A  RECEIPT  IN  FULL  OF  ALL  DEMANDS. 
$500.  New  Orleans,  June  18, 1889. 

Received  of  John  Carruthers,  Five  Hundred  Dollars,  in  full 
of  all  demands  to  date.  S.  M.  Higgins. 

A  DUE  BILL. 

$100.  Chicago,  April  1, 1890. 

Due  Helen  Briggs,  or  order.  One  Hundred  Dollars. 

«  George  Cardy. 

A  SIGHT  DRAFT. 
$100.  Boston,  May  10, 1889. 

At  sight,  pay  to  G.  O.  Claflin,  or  order,  One  Hundred  Dollars, 
and  charge  to  account  of  William  Slack. 

To  F.  E.  Bryant, 

Tiffin,  O. 


LETTEES  AND  NOTES. 


433 


FOEM  FOR  A  TIME  DRAFT. 
$300.  Atlanta,  June  12,  1890. 

At  twenty  days' sight,  pay  to  David  Strong,  or  order.  Three 
Hundred  Dollars,  and  charge  the  same  to  the  account  of 

B.  F.  Beackett. 

To  Smith  &  Williams, 

New  Orleans,  La. 


FORM  FOR  A  BILL. 

Richmond,  Va.,  May  10, 1889. 

John  R.  Jones, 

To  William  Black,  Dr. 
To  10  lbs.  granulated  sugar,       @      8c.,  $  .80 

"  15  "  Rio  coffee,  @     25c.,  3.75 

«    2  "  Japan  tea,  @  $1.00.,  2.00 

$6.55 


NOTES  ASKING  OR  DECLINING  FAVORS. 

It  is  often  necessary  or  desirable  to  ask  favors  of 
others.  Such  notes  should  be  clear  and  simple,  and, 
while  avoiding  all  appearance  of  begging,  there  should 
be  no  indication  of  any  lack  of  appreciation  of  the  favor 
solicited.  When  a  request  is  granted,  it  should  be  done 
without  implying  that  the  recipient  is  placed  under  any 
obligations  thereby — rather  intimate  that  it  is  a  pleasure 
to  grant  it.  A  refusal  should  be  delicately  worded,  and, 
if  possible,  the  reason  for  refusing  should  be  given. 
Never  wound  another's  feelings  when  it  can  be  avoided. 

REQUESTING  THE  LOAN  OF  A  BOOK. 

Tuesday,  Feb.  10, 18—. 
Dear  Hattie you  kindly  loan  me  your  copy  of  "The  Treasury  of 
Poetry?  "  I  want  to  refer  to  some  of  the  poems  it  contains,  and  I  will  return  it 
in  a  few  days.   Assuring  you  I  shall  appreciate  the  favor,  I  am, 

Yours  sincerely, 

MARY  F.  WELLS. 

To  Miss  Hattik  Bbmis. 


434 


LETTEES  AND  NOTES. 


EEPLY  GRANTING  THE  FAVOR. 

WsajNESDAY,  Feb.  11, 18—. 

My  dear  Mary  :—l  am  very  glad  to  loan  yoa  the  book  you  ask  for,  and  send 
it  by  the  bearer.  On  March  1,  I  am  to  read  some  selections  from  it,  but  shall 
not  need  it  until  then.   Hoping  it  will  be  of  service  to  you,  I  am, 

Yours  cordially, 

HATTIE  BEMIS. 

To  Miss  Mary  F.  Wells. 


AN  UNFAVORABLE  ANSWER. 

^  Wednesday,  Feb.  11,  IS—. 

My  dear  Mary  :—l  regret  that  the  book  you  ask  for  is  already  loaned  to 
another  of  my  friends.  If  it  is  returned  soon  I  will  send  it  at  once  to  you.  Re- 
gretting that  I  am  compelled  to  delay  my  compliance  with  your  request,  I  am. 

Very  sincerely  yours, 

HATTIE  BEMIS. 

To  Miss  Mary  F.  Wells. 

ASKING  FOR  A  LETTER  OF  INTRODUCTION. 

Lexington,  May  14, 18—. 
Dear  friend  Carrie  :~1  start  for  Richmond  on  the  20th,  and  expect  to  be 
detained  there  some  three  months.   Will  you  kindly  give  me  a  letter  of  intro- 
duction to  your  old  friend,  Mrs.  Vernon?  I  shall  esteem  it  a  great  favor  as  I 
am  unacquainted  in  the  city.   I  hope  to  see  you  before  I  go. 

Your  sincere  friend, 

MARY  F,  CARROLL. 

To  Mrs.  Carrie  Robbins. 


NOTE  ASKING  A  LOAN  OF  MONEY. 

Cairo,  May  15,  18—. 
My  dear  Sir:— I  was  unfortunately  induced  to  sign  a  note  with  an  old 
friend  of  mine,  and  find  myself  suddenly  called  upon  to  pay  it.  I  find  I  need 
($200)  t\¥o  hundred  dollars  more  than  I  have  on  hand  to  meet  the  demand. 
Can  you  loan  me  that  amount  until  July  1st?  The  interest  on  my  street- 
railway  bonds  is  due  on  that  date,  and  I  can  then  easily  repay  you.  If  it  will 
inconvenience  you  at  all,  pray  do  not  hesitate  to  decline;  but  if  it  does  not 
inconvenience  you,  the  short  loan  will  greatly  oblige, 

Yours  very  truly, 

HOMER  D.  LOOMIS. 

To  Mr.  Sbth  Lamson. 


LETTERS  OF  RECOMMENDATION. 


As  such  letters  are  intended  as  indorsements  of 
character  designed  to  induce  others  to  repose  trust  or 
confidence  in  another,  they  should  never  be  given  to 
unworthy  persons  from  a  good-natured  indispositioji  to 


LETTEES  AND  NOTES. 


435 


refuse.  One  should  politely  decline  to  give  sucli  a 
letter  when  there  is  the  least  question  about  the  worthi- 
ness of  the  party  desiring  it.  To  knowingly  induce 
another,  although  a  stranger,  to  trust  an  unworthy 
person  is  to  be  a  party  to  a  fraud. 

LETTER  RECOMMENDING  A  COOK. 

Fbankfobt,  July  18, 18—. 
This  is  to  certify  that  the  bearer  of  this  letter.  Miss  Mary  Mahaffey,  has 
been  in  my  employ  for  three  years,  serving  as  cook.   She  does  all  kinds  of 
cooking  well,  is  honest  and  obliging,  and  gave  me  entire  satisfaction. 

CAEOLINE  F.  SANFOED. 


LiETTER  RECOMMENDING  A  BOOK-KEEPER. 

Erie,  Pa.,  Jan.  3, 18—. 
Mr.  Howard  Williams,  the  bearer  of  this  letter,  has  been  acting  as  my 
book-keeper  for  the  last  five  years.   He  is  an  excellent  penman,  a  correct 
accountant,  honest,  industrious  and  a  gentleman  of  most  exemplary  habits.  I 
can  cheerfully  recommend  him  to  anyone,  and  he  certainly  has  my  best  wishes. 

JOHN  M.  FLOYD. 


NOTES  EELATING  TO  GIFTS. 


As  we  have  explained  in  our  chapter  on  "  Presents 
and  Borrowing,"  it  is  usual  to  accompany  a  gift  with 
the  donor's  card,  or  else  to  send  a  note.  See  page  67 
for  a  good  form  for  a  card  accompanying  a  Christmas 
or  New  Year's  gift.    We  give  a  few  forms  for  notes. 

NOTE  ACCOMPANFING  A  BIRTHDAY  GIFT. 

18  Aboher  Avk.,  June  23, 18—. 
My  dear  Haf^ie ;— Will  you  kindly  accept  the  accompanying  trifle  as  a 
token  of  my  sincere  regard?  Wishing  you  many  happy  returns  of  your  birth- 
day, I  am,  Very  sincerely  your  friend, 

CARRIE  S.  HOLMAN. 

To  Miss  Hattik  Fellows. 

NOTE  ACCOMPANYING  A  NEW  YEAR'S  GIFT. 

17  Ogden  Place,  Dec.  31, 18~. 
Dear  Mr.  Snow:  —  Will  you  kindly  accept  the  accompanying  copy  of 
Longfellow's  Poems,  together  with  my  best  wishes  for  a  very  prosperous  and 
happy  New  Year?  Cordially  yours, 

MARY  A.  FORD. 

To  Mr.  John  Snow. 


436 


LETTERS  AND  NOTES. 


ANSWEE  TO  THE  LATTER. 

50  Ada  St.,  Jan.  1, 18—. 

Dear  Mrs.  Ford  .-—The  beautiful  copy  of  Longfellow's  Poems  you  so 

kindly  sent  me  is  just  received.  Longfellow  has  always  been  a  favorite  of  mine, 

and  I  anticipate  many  hours  of  pleasure  perusing  this  volume— a  pleasure 

which  will  always  be  increased  whenever  I  think  of  the  donor.   Wishing  you  a 

very  happy  New  Year,  I  am.  Sincerely  yours, 

^  JOHN  SNOW. 

To  Mbs.  Maby  a.  Ford. 


NOTE  ACCOMPANYING  A  BOUQUET. 

Miss  Hanson  sends  kind  regards  to  Miss  Jackson,  and  begs  her  to  accept 
the  accompanying  bouquet. 
86  Harrison  Ave.,  May  24. 


ANSWER  TO  THE  LATTER. 

Miss  Jackson  returns  her  sincere  thanks  to  Miss  Hanson  for  the  beautiful 
bouquet,  and  gratefully  appreciates  her  kind  expression  of  good  will. 
75  Ann  St.,  May  24. 


NOTE  ACCOMPANYING  A  SILVER-WEDDING  GIFT. 

35  Waverly  Plage,  Oct.  9, 18—. 
My  dear  Mrs.  Howard ;— I  have  received  your  kind  invitation  to  be  present 
at  your  Silver  Wedding  on  Tuesday  next,  and  it  will  give  me  great  pleasure  to 
attend  and  offer  my  congratulations  with  the  others  present.  Kindly  accept  the 
accompanying  menu- holder,  as  a  small  token  of  my  affection  and  esteem. 

Your  affectionate  friend, 

ELLEN  M.  BANGS. 

To  Mrs.  Mary  Howard. 


ANSWER  TO  THE  LATTER. 

45  Drexel  Ave.,  Oct.  10, 18—. 

My  dear  Miss  Bangs:— The  beautiful  menu-holder  which  you  so  kindly 
sent  me  has  been  received.  Please  accept  my  warmest  thanks  for  your  kind 
remembrance,  and  the  expressions  of  affection  and  esteem  which  accompany  it. 
Mr.  Howard  joins  me  in  kind  regards. 

Sincerely  your  friend, 

MARY  B.  HOWARD. 

To  Miss  EiiiiEN  Bangs. 


NOTES  OE  APOLOGY. 

In  the  exigencies  of  life,  notes  of  apology  are  some- 
times necessary.  They  should  be  prompt,  clear,  and 
evidently  sincere,  and  the  reason  should  always  be  given 
for  failing  to  meet  your  engagement.   Never  delay  in 


LETTERS  AND  NOTES. 


437 


making  an  apology,  as  that  would  often  be  almost  as 
bad  as  the  original  offense.  A  prompt  apology,  offered 
in  the  right  spirit,  should  always  be  accepted. 

APOLOGIZING  FOE  NOT  ATTENDING  AN 
ENTEKTAINMENT. 

28  BoYLSTON  Ave.,  Jan.  25, 18—. 

My  dear  ilrs.  BroicneU:—!  fnlly  expected  to  attend  your  party  last  even- 
ing, bat  during  the  afternoon  I  was  seized  vrith  an  unusually  violent  attack  of 
sick-headache  (to  which  I  am  subject  at  times),  and  I  was  utterly  unable  to  go. 
I  had  looked  forward  to  the  event,  and  anticipated  much  pleasure,  and  I  was 
sorely  disappointed  at  my  compulsory  absence. 

Hoping  all  the  others  derived  the  highest  enjoyment  from  the  occasion,  I 
am.  Sincerely  yours, 

CLAEA  O.  WINANS. 

To  Mes.  ilAEY  Brownell,  86  Ashland  St. 

APOLOGIZING  FOR  INJURING  A  BOEEOWED  BOOK. 

43  Akson  Place,  Jan.  18, 18—. 
My  dear  Mr.  Higgiixs : — We  had  a  very  narrow  escape  from  a  very  serious 
calamity  at  our  house  last  week.  A  kerosene  lamp  in  our  parlor  was  upset,  and 
the  oil  caught  fire.  Fortunately,  it  was  extinguished  before  the  flames  extended 
to  any  other  room,  but  I  regret  to  say  that  the  copy  of  Buskin's  "Modern 
Painters  "  which  you  so  kindly  loaned  me  was  completely  drenched  with  water. 
1  send  another  copy  herewith,  and  sincerely  hope  your  copy  was  not  especially 
prized  as  a  gift,  or  from  association.  Assuring  you  that  I  highly  appreciate 
your  kind  thoushtfulness  in  extending  me  the  loan,  and  that  I  deeply  regret 
that  the  book  met  with  such  a  sad  misfortune,  I  am, 

Very  sincerely  yours, 

JULIA  M.  BAENETT. 

To  Me.  Ralph  Higgins. 


APOLOGY  FOE  NOT  KEEPING  AN  APPOLVTMENT. 

19  Ada  Street,  Aug.  15, 18—. 
My  dear  Mrs.  Hovjell  :—l  must  apologize  for  not  keeping  my  engagement 
with  you  yesterday  afternoon,  but  about  two  o'clock  a  runaway  horse  upset  a 
buggy  in  front  of  our  house  and  threw  the  occupants  on  to  the  sidewalk.  One 
of  them,  a  lady,  was  picked  up  unconscious  and  carried  into  our  sitting-room. 
A  doctor  was  summoned,  restorati  -  es  applied,  and  in  the  evening  she  was  able 
to  be  carried  to  her  own  home.  At  first  we  feared  the  worst,  but  we  now  hope 
she  will  suffer  no  permanent  injurious  results  from  the  accident.  I  extremely 
regret  breaking  my  engagement,  but,  considering  the  circumstances,  I  trust 
you  will  pardon  me.  Cordially  yours, 

FBANCE8  E.  HOOD. 

To  Mrs.  Julia  Howell. 


4 


438 


LETTERS  AND  NOTES. 


EXCUSING  A  CHILD  FROM  SCHOOL. 

Thuesday,  Jan.  18, 18- . 
Miss  Clara  Adams Hattie  has  been  confined  to  the  house  for  two  days 
with  a  very  severe  cold,  and  on  this  account  you  will  please  excuse  her  absence 
from  school.  Yours  respectfully, 

MARY  SNOWDEN. 


NOTES  OP  POSTPONEMENT. 

These  notes  should  be  sent  out  immediately,  when  it 
becomes  evident  that  a  postponement  is  necessary. 
Always  state  the  reason  for  postponing  the  party — and 
the  reason  should  be  weighty  enough  to  justify  the 
change  of  plans. 

NOTE  POSTPONING  AN  EVENING  PARTY. 

Mrs.  Brackett  regrets  that  the  sudden  and  severe  illness  of  her  daughter 
[or  state  whatever  the  cause  may  be]  necessitates  the  postponement  until  her 
recovery,  of  her  evening  party  of  Thursday  the  21st  inst. 

NOTE  POSTPONING  A  LAWN-TENNIS  PARTY. 

August  11, 18—. 

My  dear  Mr.  Jones:— The  lawn-tennis  party  for  next  Thursday  (the  14th) 
has  been  postponed  until  the  following  Wednesday  (the  20th).  Mr.  Briggs  has 
been  suddenly  called  out  of  town  for  a  few  days,  on  business,  so  that  he  cannot 
be  with  us  if  we  meet  on  Thursday;  and,  as  he  is  so  good  a  player  and  a  general 
favorite,  we  think  all  would  rather  postpone  the  party  for  a  few  days  than  meet 
without  him . 

Hoping  you  will  meet  with  us  on  Wednesday  the  20th,  I  am. 

Cordially  yours, 

MARY  O.  HOWABD. 

To  Mb.  Hknrt  Jones,  City. 

MISCELLANEOUS  FORMS. 

While  we  cannot  attempt  in  this  work  to  give  forms 
of  notes  for  all  the  occasions  arising  in  social  and 
business  life,  we  have  endeavored  to  give  such  as  will 
meet  the  ordinary  needs  of  our  readers,  and  we  now  offer 
a  few  miscellaneous  forms  which  may  be  helpful  and 
suggestive  to  some. 


LETTEES  AND  NOTES. 


439 


LETTER  ANNOUNCING  AN  ENGAGEMENT. 

Atlanta,  May  16, 18—. 
My  dear  Helen:—!  presume  you  will  not  be  much  surprised  to  hear  that  I 
am  engaged  to  Archibald  Holland.  You  once  jokingly  commented  on  his 
attentions  to  me,  and  we  have  recently  become  engaged.  His  character  is 
unexceptionable,  and  his  prospects  for  business  success  are  now  very  flattering, 
although  he  has  had  many  obstacles  to  overcome  in  getting  his  present  start, 
f  am  confident  you  will  be  pleased  at  the  announcement  that  we  hope  so^n  to 
be  married.  With  kind  regards  to  your  sister,  I  am,  believe  me, 
Cordially  your  friend, 

GRACE  MANNING. 

To  Miss  Helen  French. 


ASKING  A  FRIEND  TO  ACT  AS  BRIDESMAID. 

Nashville,  Tenn.,  June  15, 18—. 
My  dear  Mary  .-—As  you  well  know,  John  has  been  anxious  to  have  our 
wedding  take  place  early  in  the  fall,  and  we  now  expect  it  will  occur  Oct.  35th. 
Can  you  act  as  one  of  my  bridesmaids  at  that  time?  I  thought  of  asking  all 
the  bridesmaids  to  wear  light  tarlatan  dresses.  WouJd  that  be  convenient  for 
you?  Assuring  you  that  I  shall  be  much  disappointed  if  you  cannot  act,  I  am, 
believe  me.  Your  sincere  friend, 

JULIA  A.  GRAYSON. 

To  Miss  Mary  Crowell. 

REQUESTING  A  GENTLEMAN  TO  ACT  AS  A 
PALL-BEARER. 

Albany,  Nov .  18, 18—. 

Mb.  Wilmam  Taylor, 

18  Capital  Hill. 

Dear  Sir ;— The  funeral  of  Mr .  John  Mason  will  be  held  at  his  late  residence, 
14  Lincoln  St.,  on  Saturday  next,  at  three  p.  m.,  to  proceed  to  Woodlawn 
Cemetery.   It  is  the  family's  request  that  you  act  as  one  of  the  pall-bearers. 

Yours  very  truly, 

JOHN  BROWN. 

LETTER  ASKING  A  FRIEND  TO  STAND  GODMOTHER. 

91  Ontario  St.,  June  13, 18--,. 
My  dear  Mrs.  Franklin:— Mj  baby  is  to  be  christened  at  St.  Paul's 
Church,  on  Thursday,  the  18th.  Presuming  on  our  long  friendship,  I  venture 
to  ask  you  to  act  as  godmother.  I  know  very  well  how  great  a  favor  I  am 
asking,  but  among  all  my  friends  there  is  no  one  whose  character  I  would 
rather  have  my  baby  emulate,  or  whose  advice  and  counsel  I  would  rather 
have  her  follow. 

Assuring  you  that  I  shall  be  highly  gratified  if  you  can  grant  the  request, 
I  am.  Your  sincere  friend, 

MARY  A.  FALLOWS. 

To  Mbs.  Augusta  Franklin. 


SOPHIA,  MARIA  PIA. 

Queen  of  Sweden  and  Norway.  Queen  of  Portugal, 

THE  QUEENS  OF  EUROPE. 
(442) 


SUGGESTIONS 


ABOUT  THE 


TOILET,  BESUTY  SND  HEALTH, 


PUBLISHER'S  Note. 


IT  HAS  been  the  Publisher's  desire  to  have  the  subjects  of  the  toilet  and 
toilet  preparations  treated  in  this  work  in  a  thoroughly  practical  and 
perfectly  reliable  manner,  if  possible ;  and  so,  after  this  article  was  in 
manuscript,  he  had  it  carefully  revised  by  a  skillful  and  highly  educated 
physician,  with  instructions  to  allow  no  indorsement  or  recommendation  of 
injurious  or  questionable  preparations,  and  this  physician  made  many  additions 
and  suggestions .  Certainly  great  pains  have  been  taken  to  prepare  an  article 
giving  all  needed  information  on  these  subjects,  which  may  be  consulted  by 
its  readers  with  entire  confidence.  We  hope  it  may  prove  helpful  to  that 
large  class  who  desire  to  treat  these  matters  rationally ;  and,  while  avoiding 
all  injurious  nostrums  to  avail  themselves  of  the  benefits  of  legitimate  toilet 
preparations. 


(444) 


^  ABOUT  BEAUTY. 


E  DOUBT  if  there  is  a  woman  on  earth 
who  does  not  desire  to  be  beautiful.  An 
instinct,  deeper  than  reason,  makes  her 
crare  it,  for  beauty  is  to  a  woman  what 
strength  is  to  a  man,  and  it  gives  her  a 
charm  for  the  other  sex  which  all  women 
i  delight  in.  Long  before  the  advent  of 
)  man  on  earth,  Nature  began  to  develop 
in  the  direction  of  the  beautiful.  The 


flowers  flamed  out  in  brilliajit  colors  which  attracted  the 
insects,  and  the  birds  and  quadrupeds  began  to  be 
influenced  in  their  sexual  selection  by  their  sense  of 
beauty. 

To  the  cultivated  eye  all  Nature  seems  radiant  with 
beauty.  The  delicate  shades  of  blooming  flowers,  and 
the  glowing  tints  of  the  sunset  sky,  are  not  exceptional, 
but  only  parts  of  the  one  great  plan.  Nature  seems 
fairly  prodigal  with  her  loveliness.  We  see  it  alike  in 
the  lavish  beauty  of  the  butterfly's  wing,  in  the  radiant 
plumage  of  birds,  and  in  the  harmonious  blending  of 
the  landscape  hues.  The  flower  that  blooms  only  for  a 
day,  and  fades  away  to  be  seen  no  more,  is  painted  with 
an  elaborate  care  worthy  to  last  forever.  Each  changing 
season — spring,  with  its  restful  green  and  its  blossoming 
buds;  summer,  with  its  ripening  grain  and  blooming 
flowers ;  autumn,  with  its  mellow  tints  and  its  resplendent 
and  changing  foliage;  and  winter,  with  its  marvelously 
beautiful  crystals  and  its  pure  and  glistening  snow  and 
ice — each  comes  to  us  clothed  in  robes  of  radiant  beauty. 
Nothing  is  too  ephemeral,  or  too  deeply  hidden  from 


(445) 


446 


ABOUT  BEAUTY. 


the  eye  of  man,  to  escape  the  delicate  touch  or  the  lavish 
care  of  Nature's  art.  The  whole  universe  seems  to  be 
glowing  with  beauty  as  our  eyes  are  opening  to  its 
entrancing  loveliness.  And  in  the  midst  of  all  this 
prodigal  display  of  beauty  in  all  its  forms,  shall  women 
remain  indifferent  or  content  with  less  than  their  full 
meed?  While  it  almost  seems,  at  times,  as  though 
Nature  was  formed  for  beauty  alone,  so  all-pervading 
and  universal  is  it,  shall  women,  fully  sensible  of  its 
charm,  be  indifferent  to  its  power,  or  is  it  wrong  or 
foolish  for  them  to  seek  to  acquire  it? 

At  the  very  first  glimpse  we  get  of  man  on  earth,  we 
see  him  attempting  to  decorate  and  adorn  his  person 
before  he  began  to  think  of  dress. 

In  all  nations,  men,  with  their  unfolding  aesthetic 
sense,  have  been  led  captive  by  beauty,  and  poets  and 
painters  have  delighted  to  picture  and  sing  its  praises. 
No  woman  is  conscious  of  being  ugly  without  a  feeling 
of  mortification  and  a  sense  of  loss.  "An  immense 
number  of  ugly  women,"  says  Mrs.  Haweis,  "  are  ill- 
tempered  because  they  are  ugly."  Even  those  with 
brilliant  intellectual  endowments,  which  in  some  measure 
compensate  for  the  lack  of  beauty,  feel  a  sense  of  envy 
in  beholding  the  charms  of  those  more  favored  than 
themselves.  Madame  De  Stael  (see  her  portrait  else- 
where), brilliant  as  she  was,  said  she  would  gladly  ex- 
change her  mental  endowments  for  Madame  Eecamier's 
beauty,  for,  while  she  could  only  draw  those  of  culture 
and  learning,  Madame  Eecamier  led  all  classes  of  men 
captive.  (We  give  her  portrait  elsewhere.)  Now,  an 
instinct  which  is  thus  deeply  rooted  in  woman's  nature 
must  be  well  founded;  nor  can  it  be  wrong  for  her 
to  endeavor  to  supplement  Nature's  gifts,  or  supply 
her  short-comings,  within  reasonable  limits.  Even  the 
school-girl,  feeling  the  advantage  of  an  attractive  appear- 


ABOUT  BEAUTY. 


447 


ance,  seeks  to  enhance  lier  charms  with  various  devices, 
although,  through  ignorance  of  the  best  ways  to  produce 
effects,  she  often  renders  herself  ridiculous.  Beautiful 
women  strive  to  retain  their  charms,  and  never  realize 
that  they  are  waning  without  a  pang  of  regret.  The 
desire  to  be  beautiful  is  instinctive,  because  we  were  all 
meant  to  be  so,"  says  Miss  Frances  E.  Willard,  "  though 
so  ruthlessly  defrauded  of  it,  on  the  material  plane,  by 
the  ignorant  excesses  of  our  ancestors  and  the  follies  of 
our  own  untaught  years."  To  try,  as  far  as  we  are  able, 
to  help  our  readers  to  overcome  the  consequences  of 
these  ignorant  exces3es,"  and  to  enlighten  them,  so 
that  they  may  not  commit  more  of  these  follies,  is  one 
of  the  aims  of  this  work. 

Because  many  vulgar  people  have  bedaubed  and 
bedecked  themselves  with  a  coarse  and  revolting  lack  of 
taste,  much  contempt  and  contumely  has  been  heaped 
on  the  arts  of  the  toilet.  Such  practices  cannot  be 
defended.  But  why,  on  this  account,  should  we  hesitate 
to  supplement  or  remedy  defects  of  nature  in  these 
regards  more  than  in  others  ?  If  a  child  is  born  with  a 
club  foot,  we  call  in  the  aid  of  surgery  and  straighten  it; 
if  a  tooth  is  out,  we  replace  it;  and  why,  on  the  same 
principle,  should  we  not  seek  to  cover  and  remove  other 
blemishes?  Every  one  knows  of  cases  where  it  would 
be  a  positive  relief  to  friends  and  acquaintances  if  art 
could  hide  some  blemish  that  is  an  eye- sore. 

The  care  with  which  a  young  lady  makes  her  toilet 
when  expecting  a  call  from  some  desirable  suitor,  shows 
her  sense  of  the  importance  of  making  herself  as  attrac- 
tive as  possible ;  but,  after  marriage,  too  many  women 
become  careless  and  indifferent  about  their  personal 
appearance.  If  we  could  read  the  hearts  of  men,  and 
reveal  their  secrets,  we  should  find  that  much  of  their 
discontent  and  dissatisfaction  with  their  wives  has  its 


448 


ABOUT  BEAUTY. 


source  in  their  neglect  of  those  little  arts  which  add  so 
much  to  their  loveliness.  No  home  can  be  what  it  should 
be  while  the  wife  and  mother  neglects  all  those  little 
amenities  which  come  from  refinement  and  intelligence, 
and  which  combine  to  make  her  charming  in  person  and 
manners.  In  saying  this  we  have  no  desire  to  ignore 
those  high  qualities  of  mind  and  character  which  are 
the  flower  of  our  civilization.  It  is  not  the  refined  and 
cultured  woman  who  is  careless  and  indifferent  about 
her  appearance ;  on  the  contrary,  it  is  almost  invariably 
the  ignorant  and  uncultivated. 

Beauty  of  face  and  form  alone — mere  physical  beauty 
— that  is  not  enhanced  by  education  and  intelligence, 
and  ennobled  by  religious  principle,  is  like  the  jewel  in 
the  swine's  snout — it  loses  a  large  part  of  its  charm  for 
the  want  of  an  appropriate  setting.  But  while  we  by 
no  means  lose  sight  of  the  supreme  importance  of  high 
character,  we  yet  feel  that  it  is  a  duty  to  preserve  and 
develop  that  beauty  which  has  always  been  the  delight 
of  men,  and  for  which,  in  all  past  ages,  they  have  been 
willing  to  live  and  fight  and  die.  "  The  road  to  lasting 
love  is  paved  with  lasting  beauty,^'  says  Finck. 

The  foundation  of  all  beauty  is  health.  Thus,  Dr. 
Pritchard  says  that  "  the  idea  of  beauty  of  person  is 
synonymous  with  that  of  health  and  perfect  organiza- 
tion." The  rich  color  of  cheek  and  lip,  the  bright  and 
sparkling  eye,  the  well-rounded  form — what  are  these 
but  the  outward  emblems  of  perfect  health  ?  While  the 
pale  and  sunken  cheek,  the  dull  eye  and  the  emaciated 
form,  betoken  the  presence  of  some  wasting  disease. 
Not  only  does  disease  thus  show  itself,  but  also  all 
our  emotions  leave  their  imprint  on  the  countenance. 
^' There  is  not  any  virtue  the  exercise  of  which,  even 
momentarily,  will  not  impress  a  new  fairness  upon  the 
features,"  says  Mr.  Kuskin.    Every  smile  of  delight, 


ABOUT  BEAUTY. 


449 


every  noble  aspiration,  every  gleam  of  intelligence, 
impresses  itself  on  the  plastic  features,  while  every 
scowl  of  hate,  and  every  evil  emotion,  leaves  its  trace. 
We  all  know  the  coarse  and  repulsive  features  which 
are  produced  by  a  career  of  dissipation,  and  the  calm 
and  sweet  expression  which  comes  from  a  life  of  minis- 
tering to  others.  Compare,  for  instance,  the  faces  which 
we  give  elsewhere  in  the  pictures  of  the  Madonna  and 
St.  MarA^,  with  the  brazen  and  furrowed  features  of 
some  hardened  slave  of  sin.  The  importance,  therefore, 
of  obeying  the  laws  of  health,  and  of  developing  the 
intellectual  and  spiritual  faculties,  will  be  apparent  to 
all,  for  these  things  tend  in  the  direction  of  physical 
beauty.  We  know  of  no  art  which  will  transfer  the 
bewitching  smile  of  innocence  and  virtue  to  the  hardened 
face  of  vice,  or  the  rosy  glow  and  elastic  ste^p  of  health 
to  the  listless  victim  of  dissipation. 

"If  educators  and  parents,"  says  Finck,  "would 
impress  on  the  minds  of  the  young  the  great  truth  that 
good  moral  behavior  and  the  industry  which  leads  to 
intellectual  pre-eminence  are  magic  sources  of  youthful 
and  permanent  personal  beauty,  they  would  find  it  the 
most  potent  of  all  civilizing  agencies,  especially  with 
women." 

"  Without  beauty  it  is  impossible  to  win.  It  has 
been  well  and  wisely  said: 

*  The  beautiful  are  never  desolate, 
But  some  one  always  loves  them.' 

The  truth  of  this  saying  early  forced  itself  on  my 
attention,"  writes  Miss  Frances  E.  Willard,  who  is 
undoubtedly  one  of  the  most  brilliant  women  of  our 
day.    (See  her  portrait,  which  we  give  elsewhere.) 

In  these  pages  we  shall  attempt  to  offer  such  practical 
suggestions  as  will  help  our  readers  to  remedy  defects, 


150 


ABOUT  BEAUTY. 


preserve  from  too  early  decay  those  charms  which  are 
the  delight  of  their  possessors,  and  develop  those  feat- 
ures essential  to  beauty.  In  compiling  these  hints  we 
have  endeavored  to  give  the  latest  and  best  available 
information. 

THE  STANDARD  OF  BEAUTY. 

In  various  countries,  and  in  different  ages  of  the 
world,  the  standards  of  beauty  vary.  Among  the  Chinese 
a  belle  must  be  fat,  with  very  small  feet,  small  eyes  and 
high  cheek  bones.  In  Abyssinia  the  women  are  admired 
in  proportion  to  their  size — the  fatter  the  better.  Among 
the  savages,  various  deformities  lend  attractions  to  their 
women — as  the  Arracan,  for  example,  who  desires  a  hole 
in  the  lobe  of  the  ear  of  the  fair  damsel  he  idolizes, 
large  enough  to  thrust  his  hand  through;  and  other 
savage  races  pierce  the  lips,  nose,  etc  These  differences 
are,  however,  due  to  a  lack  of  taste,  and  with  the  advance 
of  culture  there  is  a  tendency  toward  a  uniform  standard 
of  beauty.  Thus,  Mr.  Euskin,  in  his  "  Modern  Painters," 
says  (speaking  of  the  changes  of  opinion  going  on)  that 
those  changes  are  from  variations  of  opinion  to  unity 
of  opinion — that,  whatever  may  be  the  difference  of 
estimate  among  unpracticed  or  uncultivated  tastes,  there 
will  be  unity  of  taste  among  the  experienced;"  and 
another  writer  says:  "The  more  we  become  cultivated 
the  more  our  tastes  focus  upon  a  single  type.''  An  old 
poem,  written  by  Jean  Nevisan,  thus  summarizes  the 
physical  requirements  of  beauty: 

"Three  things  white:  the  skin,  the  teeth  and  hands; 
Three  black:  the  eyes,  the  eyebrows  and  lashes; 
Three  red:  the  lips,  the  cheeks,  the  nails; 
Three  long:  the  body,  the  hair  and  hands; 
Three  short:  the  teeth,  the  ears  and  feet; 
Three  large:  the  bust,  the  head  and  brow." 


MADAME  RECAMIER. 
^451) 


ABOUT  BEAUTY. 


453 


BEAUTY  OF  FOEM. 

The  first  thing  to  be  considered  is  beauty  of  form. 
Schopenhauer  insists  that  a  beautiful  form  is  even  more 
potent  as  an  inspirer  of  love  than  a  handsome  face.  It 
is  certain  that  a  fine  figure  with  a  plain  face  is  quite  as 
strong  an  attraction  as  a  beautiful  face  with  a  bad  figure. 
Many  of  the  defects  of  form  are  inherited,  while  others 
are  the  result  of  the  manner  of  life  of  the  individual. 
Bow  or  bandy  legs  may  be  caused  by  allowing  the  child 
to  walk  too  young,  and  uneven  shoulders  by  letting 
children  lie  chiefly  on  one  side,  or  in  adults  by  their 
manner  of  sitting  at  the  desk  or  work.    Sleeping  with 
the  head  high  is  a  frequent  cause  of  round  shoulders, 
and  studying  in  a  stooping  position  is  another.    So  the 
work  in  factories,  behind  the  counter,  at  the  sewing 
machine,  or  whatever  it  may  be,  is  apt  to  leave  some 
trace  if  too  long  persisted  in  without  some  effort  to 
counteract  the  deforming  effect.  Those  who  are  relieved 
from  the  necessity  of  labor  idle  away  their  time  and 
pine  under  the  effects  of  indolence  and  ennui,  letting 
their  faculties  wither  away  for  the  lack  of  that  healthy 
exercise  and  effort  which  they  need  to  maintain  them  in 
the  full  glow  of  health,  and  those  who  should  be  the 
pictures  of  womanly  vigor  fade  away  and  languish  as 
soon  as  their  less  favored  sisters.    That  beauty  is  not 
always  the  accompaniment  of  wealth  and  worldly  station 
is  well  known   to   every   observer  of  life.    See,  for 
example,  the  portraits  of  the  queens  of  Europe,  Avhich 
we  give  elsewhere. 

Those  who  would  preserve  or  develop  beauty  of 
figure  should  take  an  abundance  of  exercise,  and  to 
obtain  the  best  results  therefrom  it  should  be  pleasure- 
able  and  in  the  open,  air.  Gymnastic  exercises,  while 
beneficial,  are  apt  to  be  monotonous,  and  often  they  are 


454 


ABOUT  BEAUTY. 


taken  in  badly  ventilated  rooms,  which  partly  neutralize 
their  good  efPect.  All  the  out-door  exercises,  like  riding, 
driving,  rowing,  skating,  tennis,  swimming,  and  so  on, 
tend  to  develop  the  figure  and  give  it  that  grace  and 
fullness  which  is  essential  to  beauty.  To  derive  the  best 
results  from  any  exercise  the  interest  should  be  excited 
and  maintained.  For  this  reason  those  exercises  in 
which  several  can  engage  at  the  same  time,  or  that 
special  form  for  which  the  individual  has  special  apti- 
tude, or  liking  for  any  reason,  is  always  the  most 
beneficial.  Listless  and  perfunctory  exercises  lose  half 
their  value. 

Skating  is  a  very  healthy  exercise.  That  high  medical 
authority,  the  London  Lancet,  says:  *'Beyond  question, 
skating  is  one  of  the  finest  sports,  especially  for  ladies. 
It  is  graceful,  healthful  and  stimulating  to  the  muscles. 
.  .  .  .  To  skate  well  is  a  very  high  accomplishment 
indeed,  and  perhaps  one  of  the  very  best  exercises  in 
which  young  women  and  girls  can  engage  with  a  view 
to  healthful  development."  Dancing,  also,  which  has 
been  called  the  "  poetry  of  motion,"  is  an  excellent 
exercise,  giving  grace  to  the  carriage  and  developing  the 
muscles. 

But  there  is  one  exercise  which,  take  it  all  in  all, 
probably  surpasses  any  other,  and  which  possesses  the 
advantage  of  being  within  the  reach  of  any  one,  and  that 
is  walking.  When  brisk  and  animated  it  calls  into  play 
more  muscles  than  any  other  single  exercise,  and  it 
necessitates  the  drawing  of  long  breaths  of  fresh  air, 
thus  expanding  the  lungs  and  re-vitalizing  the  blood.  In 
England  walking  is  more  fashionable  and  popular  than 
in  America,  and  it  is  undoubtedly  one  cause  of  the  rosy 
complexion  and  healthful  vigor  of  the  English  women. 
In  all  our  cities,  people,  both  young  and  old,  take  the 
street  cars  every  day,  when  it  would  be  far  better  for 


ABOUT  BEAUTY. 


455 


them  to  walk.  When  going  down  town  shopping,  or 
when  going  to  or  from  the  day's  work,  if  a  large  pro- 
portion of  those  who  ride  would  walk,  they  would  in  a 
few  months  gain  a  store  of  health  that  would  give  a 
new  interest  and  zest  to  life.  In  this  place  we  can 
only  call  the  attention  of  our  readers  to  the  value  of 
walking  as  an  exercise,  and  advise  them  to  practice  it 
whenever  they  can.  The  present  popularity  of  all  out- 
door amusements,  such  as  tennis,  is  a  very  encouraging 
sign  to  the  admirer  of  beauty  in  women. 

Fresh  air,  cleanliness  of  person,  sunshine,  exercise 
and  sleep — these  are  the  five  great  necessities  for  the 
development  of  health  and  beauty.  And  they  will  not 
only  produce  their  beneficial  effects  on  the  body,  but  the 
mind  will  also  be  calmed  and  re-invigorated,  for  many  a 
sour  and  peevish  woman  is  sour  and  peevish  because  her 
nerves  are  unstrung  and  her  health  is  impaired. 


ON   DEVELOPING   BEAUTY  AND 
GRACE  IN  CHILDREN. 


HERE  is  no  mother  who  desires  beauty  for 
herself  who  does  not  also  desire  it  for  her 
children,  and  many  of  those  who  have 
been  denied  by  nature  the  possession  of 
this  charm  have  learned  its  value  and 
would  gladly  confer  it,  if  possible,  on  those 
they  love  with  all  a  parent's  devotion.  It 
is  an  undoubted  fact  that  the  body,  as  well 
as  the  mind,  is  more  easily  impressed  and 
moulded  in  childhood  than  in  later  years,  and  those  who 
wish  to  have  handsome  and  well-formed  children  should 
devote  attention  to  their  physical  as  well  as  their  intel- 
lectual and  moral  development.  It  is  within  the  power 
of  the  mothers,  by  a  little  wise  forethought  and  care,  to 
largely  mould  the  outward  grace  and  beauty  of  their 
children.  These  things  are  not  altogether  mysterious 
gifts  of  the  fairies— nor  of  Providence — but  they  come  in 
obedience  to  certain  laws,  as  do  most  of  our  blessings 
in  life.  One  fact,  which  has  been  clearly  brought  out 
by  modern  investigation,  is  the  power  of  heredity.  Each 
child  is  but  one  link  in  a  long  chain  of  succession,  and 
to  remedy  many  of  its  defects  it  would  be  necessary  to 
go  back  to  the  grand-parents.  But  while,  in  common 
with  all  intelligent  writers,  we  recognize  the  full  force 
of  these  laws,  so  that  if  asked  how  to  have  healthy  and 
beautiful  children  we  should  say,  ^'  Begin  with  the 
grand-parents,"  we  yet  believe  that  many,  or  most  of 
these  defects  may  be  largely  overcome  by  judicious  early 

(456) 


DETELOPIXG  BEAUTY  IX  CHILDEEX. 


457 


training.  Did  space  permit  we  would  like  to  write  at 
length  on  this  matter.  But  while  we  cannot  here 
attempt  to  give  an  exhaustive  discussion  of  the  subject, 
we  ma  J,  perhaps,  in  passing,  throw  out  a  few  suggestive 
hints  to  our  readers. 

And,  first,  we  would  urge  on  every  mother  desiring 
robust  and  comely  children  the  duty  of  nursing  them 
herself;  that  is,  of  course,  if  she  is  healthy  and  able  to 
undertake  the  duty.    If  not,  great  care  should  be  exer- 
cised in  selecting  a  wet-nurse.    The  whole  after  life 
of  a  child  may  be  influenced  by  thoughtlessness  here. 
Scrofulous,  cancerous  and  rheumatic  tendencies,  as  well 
as  diseases  too  horrible  to  name,  may  be  conveyed  in  a 
nurse's  milk.    Negligence  by  the  mother  here  is  well- 
nigh  unpardonable,  and  may  entail  a  life-long  woe. 
When  weaned,  the  milk  of  cows,  goats,  or  asses,  with 
some  light  farinaceous  food  should  form  the  staple  of 
the  child's  food  for  at  least  a  year.  No  kind  of  alcoholic 
drink  should  ever  be  given  a  child.     Beer  is  very 
injurious  to  the  complexion.    Mr.  Milton,  in  his  work 
on  "Hygiene  of  the  Skin,"  says:  "  Of  all  the  pestilent 
habits,  that  of  giving  boys  and  girls  beer,  is,  perhaps, 
the  worst.    There  are  other  habits  which  do  their  work 
more  rapidly,  but    ....    the  use  of  beer  is  every- 
where and  always  sowing  the  seeds  of  mischief.    .    .  . 
The  grown-up  patient  pays  the  penalty  of  a  mistake 
begun,  it  may  be,  fifteen  or  twenty  years  before.    In  my 
own  experience  this  has  been  particularly  noticeable  as 
affecting  the  skin,  kidneys  and  nervous  system.  The 
skin  becomes  thick,  muddy  and  pimply,  a  fact  evinced 
by  the  speedy  improvement  which  ensues  from  merely 
leaving  off  malt  liquors,  without  making  any  other 

change  Cider,  though  it  does  not  induce  so 

much  visible  disturbance  of  the  constitution,  is  almost 
as  bad  for  the  skin."    The  best  drinks  for  children  are 


458  DEVELOPING  BEAUTY  IN  CHILDREN. 


milk  and  water — tea,  coflPee,  cocoa  and  chocolate  all  being 
bad,  causing  lieart-bnrn  and  headache,  and  having  a 
tendency  to  render  the  skin  yellow  and  opaque  looking. 

Every  morning  a  tepid  bath  should  be  given,  using 
only  the  purest  and  best  soap,  and  rubbing  the  child  well 
from  head  to  foot  with  a  Turkish  bath  towel.  The 
friction  will  stimulate  the  circulation  and  keep  the  skin 
healthy. 

If  children  are  to  have  clear  complexions  and  healthy, 
well-developed  bodies,  they  should,  from  the  earliest 
infancy,  be  supplied  with  an  abundance  of  pure,  fresh 
air  and  good  nourishing  food.  The  nursery  should  be 
well  ventilated,  spacious  and  light,  and  should  face  the 
morning  sun  if  possible.  Let  the  infants  roll  and 
tumble  about  on  the  floor  as  much  as  they  like,  but  do 
not  be  too  ambitious  to  set  them  on  their  legs  or  see 
them  walk.  The  bones  are  then  comparatively  soft  and 
plastic,  and  a  strain  may  cause  "bow  legs,"  feeble 
ankles,  curvature  of  the  spine,  or  some  similar  deformity. 
They  should  not  begin  systematic  gymnastic  exercise 
before  the  age  of  five  years,  but  as  soon  as  they  are 
strong  enough  they  may  begin  some  rhythmic  exercise 
of  the  body,  arms  and  legs.  The  clothes  worn  by  children 
should  hang  from  the  shoulders,  and  the  young  body 
should  never  be  cramped  and  deformed  by  corsets  or 
any  other  artificial  pressure.  The  stockings  should  be 
held  up  by  suspenders  from  the  shoulders,  and  never 
by  garters,  either  above  or  below  the  knee.  They 
impede  the  circulation  and  may  cause  varicose  veins. 
Children  should  wear  broad-toed  shoes,  with  heels  not 
more  than  half  an  inch  thick.  Never  let  them  wear 
high-heeled  or  pointed-toed  shoes,  unless  you  prefer 
deformity  to  beauty. 

Give  girls  an  abundance  of  out-door  exercise.  Those 
who  live  in  the  country  may  run  and  play  in  the  fields 


DEVELOPING  BEAUTY  IN  CHILDREN.  459 


and  over  the  liills,  but  those  in  towns  should  be  encour- 
aged in  all  the  healthful  sports.  Tennis  and  archery 
develop  the  muscles,  and  should  be  encouraged  by  par- 
ents. Swimming  is  a  very  healthy  exercise,  and  those 
who  live  in  a  city  would  do  well  to  send  their  girls  to  a 
swimming-school,  if  possible.  During  the  summer 
holidays,  if  a  trip  is  taken  to  the  seashore,  or  into  the 
country  near  a  lake  or  stream,  let  them  go  in  bathing 
often.  Encourage  them  to  stay  in  the  open  air  and 
sunshine  as  much  as  possible  during  their  holidays. 
Skating  is  a  very  healthy  exercise.  There  is  hardly 
any  better  for  those  who  live  in  a  climate  where  it  can 
be  enjoyed. 

Horseback  riding  is  regarded  by  most  physicians  as 
one  of  the  best  exercises  for  girls.  It  will  expand  the 
chest,  develop  the  muscles,  and  give  tone  to  the  system, 
and  it  inspires  confidence  and  gives  grace  of  movement. 
It  is  an  excellent  remedy  in  cases  of  general  debility 
and  a  tendency  to  hysteria  and  nervous  disorders.  But 
girls  should  not  ride  much  before  they  are  ten  or  twelve 
years  old.  Do  not  mount  a  child  on  a  tricky  or  vicious 
hor^e,  but  a  good  animal  is  in  every  way  preferable  to 
an  old,  lif«eless  relic  of  a  long-past  youth. 

Dancing  is  a  very  healthy  exercise,  giving  grace  and 
freedom  of  motion,  and  developing  the  muscles.  Still, 
the  associations  of  the  ballroom  are  such  that  many 
parents  object  to  it.  We  are  talking,  now,  purely  from 
the  standpoint  of  hygiene,  and  not  of  morals;  but  it  is 
a  pity  the  amusement  could  not  be  freed  from  its  objec- 
tionable features. 

Walking  is  one  of  the  best  of  exercises  for  girls,  if  it 
is  brisk  and  made  interesting.  A  daily  walk,  taken 
from  a  sense  of  duty,  will  not  benefit  any  one  half  as 
much  as  one  taken  with  some  object  ij]  view. 

Another  thing  which  will  aid  greatly  in  giving  sym- 


460  DEVELOPING  BEAUTY  IN  CHILDREN. 

0 

metrical  development  to  the  body  (and  there  is  no  beauty 
without  this)  is  some  system  of  in-door  calisthenics  or 
gymnastics..  The  Swedish  or  Ling  system  is  as  good  as 
any,  or  that  given  in  Taylor's  Health  by  Exercise,"  or 
Blakie's  "How  to  Get  Strong."  The  following  is  one  of 
the  simplest  and  best  systems,  and  we  submit  it  to  those 
of  our  readers  who  do  not  have  access  to  larger  wwks: 
First.  —  Describe  a  circular  movement  with  each 
arm,  twenty  times  in  succession.  Extend  the  arms  for- 
ward, outward  and  upward,  thirty  times  in  succession, 
taking  eight  or  ten  deep  inspirations  between  each 
series. 

Second. — Execute  a  circular  movement  from  the 
waist,  swaying  the  upper  part  of  the  body  slowly  around, 
the  hands  resting  on  the  hips,  thirty  times. 

Third. — Extend  the  leg  as  nearly  at  right  angles  with 
the  body  as  possible,  twelve  times  each  side,  taking 
eight  or  ten  deep  inspirations  between  each  series. 

Fourth. — Extend  and  bend  the  foot  twenty  times 
each  side;  perform  the  gesture  of  reaping  or  sawing 
thirty  times;  bend  each  knee  rapidly  twenty  times;  take 
eight  or  ten  deep  inspirations. 

Fifth. — Raise  the  arm  swiftly  and  rapidly,  as  in  the 
act  of  throwing  a  lance,  twelve  times  in  succession; 
throw  out  both  arms  simultaneously  twenty  or  thirty 
times;  take  eight  or  ten  deep  inspirations. 

Sixth. — Trot  on  one  spot,  resting  the  hands  on  the 
hips,  and  lifting  the  feet  briskly,  one  to  three  hundred 
times.    Take  eight  or  ten  deep  inspirations. 

Seventh. — Jump,  with  the  hands  on  the  hips  and  the 
body  erect,  fifty  or  a  hundred  times.  Take  eight  or  ten 
full  inspirations. 

These  exercises  should  be  performed  in  a  well  venti- 
lated room,  uncarpeted  and  free  from  furniture,  if 
possible;  but  where  this  is  not  convenient  it  is  not 
necessary.    The  best  time  of  day  is  before  breakfast  or 


THE  MORNING  OF  LiFE. 
(161) 


DETELOPIVG  BEAUTY  IX  CHILDEEX. 


463 


clniitig  the  forenoon.  The  dress  vtottl  must  be  light 
and  free  from  ligatures,  giving  the  body  free  play,  and 
the  shoes  should  be  light  and  heel-less.  The  nioYements 
shonld  be  vigorous  and  hearty,  with  intervals  of  rest 
between  them,  and  they  should  take  a  good  half  hour. 
The  exercise  must,  however,  be  limited  by  the  person's 
strength.  For  weakly  gii'ls,  or  those  suffering  from 
temporary  and  periodic  indisposition,  the  movements 
must  be  modified  or  curtailed.  All  distress,  pain  or 
exhaustion,  must  be  avoided.  In  taking  the  deep  inspir- 
ations draw  the  breath  in  slowly  through  the  mouth, 
keeping  it  nearly  closed.  Fill  the  lungs  full,  hold  the 
breath  an  instant,  and  let  it  escape  with  a  spurt  Some 
writers  advise  drawing  in  the  breath  at  such  times 
through  a  quill,  but  that  is  unnecessary.  Puckering 
up  the  lips,  as  in  the  act  of  whistling,  answers  the  same 
purpose — necessitating  the  cbawing  in  of  the  breath 
sloidy. 

Those  who  desire  to  rear  children  with  full,  round, 
well-developed  chests,  should  teach  them  to  practice  the 
taking  of  these  deep  inspirations  several  times  a  day. 
It  is  surprising  how  rapidly  fiat  and  hollow  chests  will 
round  out  under  this  practice.  This  custom  formed 
during  their  growing  years  will  be  of  great  benefit,  even 
if  the  other  exercises  we  recommend  for  developing  the 
muscles  are  not  practiced.  A  full,  well-developed  chest, 
is  of  very  great  value  to  both  the  health  and  beauty  of 
its  possessor.  To  stimulate  children  to  practice  this 
exercise  it  might  be  well  to  offer  them  a  prize  for  each 
inch  added  to  the  circumfrence  of  their  chests.  Measure 
their  chests  with  a  tape  and  keep  a  record  of  the  gain. 

Do  not  put  stays  of  any  kind  on  children  before  the 
age  of  fourteen  or  fifteen.  During  the  years  of  growth 
the  bones  are  comparatively  plastic  and  the  development 
of  the  figure  should  not  be  impeded  by  any  artificial 


464  DEVELOPING  BEAUTY  IN  CHILDREN. 

bandages,  whether  corsets,  garters,  or  the  weight  of 
clothes  hung  from  the  hips.  The  clothes  of  children 
should  depend  from  the  shoulders. 

It  will  be  readily  seen  that  the  object  of  the  direc- 
tions thus  far  given  is  to  develop  the  muscles  and  give 
rotundity-  agility  and  suppleness  to  the  limbs;  to  expand 
the  chest  and  give  increased  capacity  to  the  lungs;  to 
equalize  the  circulation  and  to  create  and  preserve 
beauty  of  form.  The  human  figure  as  Nature  designed 
it,  and  as  painters  and  sculptors  delight  to  represent  it, 
is  a  Divine  creation,  and  it  is  a  shame  to  cramp,  pad 
and.  distort  it.  The  clothes  should  be  made  to  protect 
and  adorn  the  body,  instead,  of  cramping  the  body  to  fit 
the  clothes,  and  the  fashion  (now  fortunately  going  out 
of  date)  which  prefers  the  wasp-like  waist  to  the  one 
planned  by  Nature,  is  better  violated  than  observed. 
Those  Greek  maidens  who  swam  and  dived  like  sea- 
nymphs,  who  ran  in  their  public  games,  and  who  even 
hunted  on  foot,  as  did  Arcadian  Atalanta,  were  justly 
renowned  for  their  beauty,  grace,  and  the  magnificent 
contour  of  their  forms.  And  when  they  became  wives 
and  mothers  they  gave  birth  to  a  race  of  men  who  for 
their  manly  strength  and  vigor,  their  patriotism,  their 
intellectual  quickness  and  philosophical  insight,  and 
their  artistic  taste  and  power  of  execution,  will  stand,  as 
ideals  for  the  human  race  for  all  time  to  come. 

Miss  Frances  E.  Willard,  in  her  little  work  on  "  How 
to  Win,"  gives  extracts  from  her  girlish  diary  which 
show  the  free,  romping,  untrammeled  out-door  life  which 
she  led  as  a  child,  and  which  undoubtedly  contributed 
largely  to  that  firm  health  and  physical  development 
which  has  been  no  small  factor  in  enabling  her  to 
accomplish  her  very  remarkable  work  of  later  years. 

While  children  should  be  allowed  to  play  in  the 
open  air,  it  is  best  to  protect  the  faces  of  girls  with 


DEYELOPIXG  BEAUTY  IN  CHILDEEN. 


465 


broad-brimmed  hats  or  sun-bonnets,  to  keep  them  from 
becoming  freckled,  as  these  blemishes  are  sometimes 
hard  to  remove.  An  excellent  preseryatiye  for  the 
complexion  is  to  rub  a  little  cold  cream,  or  almond  oil, 
on  the  exposed  parts — face,  neck  and  hands  or  arms — 
before  going  out  into  the  sun.  Cold  cream  or  glycerine 
rubbed  on  the  face  and  hands  at  night,  and  washed  off 
in  the  morning  with  pure  soap,  will  remove  the  traces 
of  a  day's  exposure  to  the  wind  and  sun.  Dirt  will  also 
affect  the  skin,  and  the  use  of  oatmeal  and  plain  food 
promotes  the  health  and  improves  the  child's  com- 
plexion. 

The  teeth  should  be  brushed  regularly.  Use  a  soft 
brush,  as  the  enamel  is  delicate  in  childhood  and  easily 
injured  by  a  very  stiff  one.  On  the  first  appearance 
of  decay  take  the  child  to  a  dentist  and  have  the  tooth 
filled.  The  traditional  "  stitch  in  time  may  save  the 
tooth,  the  loss  of  which  would  be  a  permanent  disfigure- 
ment. If  the  teeth  are  irregular  they  can  often  be 
straightened  by  frequent  efforts  to  push  them  into  their 
place.  In  time  they  will  yield  to  the  pressure  and 
assume  the  desired  position. 

A  luxuriant  head  of  hair  is  considered  a  great  orna- 
ment to  women,  and  a  little  attention  bestowed  on  that 
of  children  will  well  repay  the  time  and  trouble.  The 
hair  maybe  kept  short  for  the  first  few  years  of  life,  and 
the  head  frequently  washed  and  brushed.  Never  use  the 
fine  tooth  comb,  so  popular  with  some.  It  irritates  the 
scalp.  Wash  the  head  frequently  (at  night  is  the  best) 
with  soft  water,  into  which  a  little  ammonia  is  poured — 
about  three  tablespoonfuls  to  a  basin  of  water  being  the 
best  proportion.  There  is  no  better  tonic  for  the  hair 
for  children  or  adults.  Dry  the  head  thoroughly  after 
washing  it.  After  the  age  of  five  or  six  years  the  hair 
may  be  allowed  to  grow,  but  it  should  be  carefully  and 


466  DEVELOPING  BEAUTY  IN  CHILDEEN. 


regularly  washed,  dried  and  brushed.  If  the  end  of  the 
hair  is  cut  off  frequently,  say  once  a  month  or  so,  it  will 
grow  much  longer  than  if  it  is  left  uncut.  It  is  only 
necessary  to  trim  off  a  very  little — perhaps  half  an  inch 
— clipping  off  all  split  or  forked  ends. 

HOW  TO  CUKE  A  PUG  NOSE. 

A  pug  nose  is  often  a  source  of  great  mortification, 
but  it  can  be  easily  cured  in  childhood  by  a  very  simple 
appliance  that  any  one  with  a  little  ingenuity  can  make 
and  use.  All  that  is  needed  is  a  piece  of  elastic  wood, 
about  14  in.  long,  f  in.  thick,  and  1  in.  deep.  Cut  out  a 
wedge-shaped  piece  a  little  less  in  diameter  than  the 
thickness  of  the  nose  at  its  center  or  fleshy  part.  It  will 
then  be  something  like  a  clothes  pin.  Its  method  of 
use  is  to  spring  it  open  and  then  slip  it  over  the  bridge 
of  the  nose  on  to  the  flesh  below.  It  will  be  held  in 
place  by  its  elasticity.  It  should  be  applied  at  night 
and  left  on  until  morning.  Do  not  have  it  so  tight  as 
to  be  painful.  The  gentle  pressure  will  in  time  force 
up  the  depressed  or  sunken  part  of  the  nose,  and  with 
patience  a  pug  can  easily  be  converted  into  a  Grecian 
nose,  or  almost  moulded  at  will  by  perseverance.  Metallic 
machines  are  made  for  this  purpose,  but  they  are  some- 
what expensive,  and  the  simple  appliance  described 
above  will  do  the  work  nearly  as  well.  As  the  cartilages 
are  soft  in  childhood,  daily  manipulation  with  the 
fingers — that  is  pressing  on  the  side  of  the  nose  and 
trying  to  crowd  it  up  in  the  center — will  in  time  mould 
it  into  better  shape. 

A  SUGGESTION  ABOUT  LAEGE  EAKS. 

Large  ears  often  have  a  most  disagreeable  way  of 
standing  out  from  the  head,  thus  bringing  them  into  un- 


DEVELOPING  BEAUTY  IN  CHILDREN.  467 


fortunate  prominence.  If  they  are  trained  to  lie  close  to 
the  side  of  the  head  they  will  not  be  so  noticeable.  If 
any  one  thus  afflicted  will  wear  a  band — an  elastic  band,  or 
strap  of  webbing — from  the  lower  part  of  the  back  of  the 
head  obliquely  up  across  the  ears  to  the  top  of  the  brow, 
for  a  few  hours  each  day,  they  will  in  time  train  the 
ears  to  stay  back  near  the  head.  The  wearing  of  caps 
and  hats  by  children  which  rest  on  the  ears  and  crowd 
them  away  from  the  head,  will  often  cause  them  to  stand 
out  in  an  unsightly  manner,  and  parents  should  carefully 
guard  against  this. 


THE  COMPLEXION. 


N  DISCUSSING  the  subject  of  the  toilet  one 
of  the  first  things  to  interest  our  readers, 
we  doubt  not,  will  be  the  complexion.  No 
face  can  be  really  beautiful  without  a  fine 
complexion ;  and  this  is  not  usually  attained 
without  some  attention  to  the  conditions 
which  favor  it.  Madame  Recamier,  who 
had  a  most  delicate  complexion,  was  reared 
by  a  mother  versed  in  all  the  arts  of  the 
toilet,  who  took  the  utmost  pains  with  her  daughter. 

Among  the  blemishes  most  fatal  to  the  complexion 
are  sunburn,  taii,  freckles,  roughness,  wrinkles,  eruptions, 
moth-spots  and  various  discolor ations  caused  by  dis- 
orders of  the  health.  These  various  affections  will  be 
treated  on  hereafter,  under  their  appropriate  heads; 
but  as  many  of  the  discolorations  of  the  skin  can  be 
directly  traced  to  imperfect  action  of  the  liver,  it  is  very 
important  that  the  diet  should  be  properly  regulated, 
sufficient  exercise  taken,  and  any  tendency  to  constipa- 
tion at  once  attended  to,  as  that  is  a  primary  cause  of 
most  of  the  eruptive  skin  affections. 

Another  point  to  which  we  would  call  attention  is 
the  importance  of  frequent  bathing  of  the  entire  body, 
to  remove  impurities  and  keep  the  pores  of  the  skin 
open  and  in  healthy  activity.  No  invariable  rules  for 
bathing  can  be  laid  down,  as  the  constitutions  of  differ- 
ent individuals  vary  so  much.  Skin  which  is  neglected 
until  the  pores  become  clogged  cannot  perform  its 
functions  properly,  and  the  system  must  suffer  in  conse- 

(468) 


THE  COMPLEXION. 


469 


quence.  It  is  essential  to  the  health  that  the  whole 
body  be  thoroughly  washed  with  soap  and  water  at 
least  once  a  week,  and  probably,  in  most  cases,  once  a 
day  wonld  be  better. 

Care,  anxiety  and  fretting  also  affect  the  complexion, 
besides  leaving  their  imprint  on  the  countenance;  so 
that,  as  far  as  possible,  a  calm  and  even  temper  should 
be  maintained  by  those  who  would  preserve  their  charms, 
and  they  should  cultivate  a  cheerful  temper  and  learn 
to  look  on  the  bright  side  of  things. 

IMPORTANCE  OF  PURE  WATER. 

The  simplest,  and  possibly  the  best,  of  all  the  arti- 
ficial aids  to  the  complexion,  is  to -use  nothing  but  pure 
water  (rain  or  distilled  water)  for  washing  the  skin. 
Some  of  the  most  noted  beauties  of  the  world  have  tried 
this  practice  and  tested  its  value.  Ninon  de  I'Enclos, 
the  great  French  beauty,  who  at  the  age  of  eighty  was 
still  handsome,  never  used  any  other  cosmetic  for  her 
face.  Diane  de  Poitiers  (whose  portrait  we  give) 
who,  at  the  age  of  sixty-five,  still  preserved  her  charms, 
bore  testimony  to  the  same  simple  custom,  and  com- 
mended its  observance  to  others;  and  the  Princess  of 
"Wales  (see  her  portrait  elsewhere),  who  has  the  most 
beautiful  complexion,  which  has  stood  quite  remarkably 
the  wear  and  tear  of  time,  uses  nothing  but  distilled 
water,  in  which  she  bathes  night  and  morning. 

Dew-watei%  which  was  in  olden  times  so  highly 
praised  and  valued  for  toilet  purposes,  and  to  which 
was  attributed  a  peculiar  charm,  doubtless  derived  its 
chief  value  from  being  of  the  nature  of  distilled  water 
— soft  and  pure.  It  is  said  that  Adelina  Patti  (her 
portrait  appears  in  our  pages)  has  used  dew- water  for 
years,  and  will  use  nothing  else  for  washing  her  face. 


470 


THE  COMPLEXION. 


It  is  undoubtedly  excellent;  but  we  believe  rain  or 
distilled  water  to  be  equally  beneficial,  and  they  can  be 
much  more  readily  obtained. 

Water-melon  juice. — Another  wash  of  a  somewhat 
similar  nature  (although  containing  salts  which  add  to 
its  virtue),  and  which  has  been  long  used  and  highly 
prized  by  Southern  ladies  who  well  understand  its 
virtues,  and  one  which  possesses  undoubted  excellence, 
is  the  juice  of  the  water-melon.  After  being  exposed 
to  the  sun  and  wind  during  a  drive,  sail,  or  other  outing, 
the  juice  of  a  melon  will  soothe  and  allay  the  burn  and 
whiten  the  skin.  The  juice  from  both  the  pulp  and 
rind  is  used.  Washing  with  it  cleanses  the  skin  and 
makes  it  soft  and  clear.  The  white  pulp,  next  the  red, 
is  sometimes  crushed  and  bound  on  the  skin  to  whiten 
it,  with  excellent  results. 

The  lime  and  magnesia  in  hard  water  (the  presence 
of  which  makes  it  hard)  combine  with  the  stearic  acid 
of  soap  and  form  an  insoluble  stearate  of  lime.  Noth- 
ing could  be  worse  than  this  for  the  complexion.  It  is 
of  a  greasy  nature,  and,  filling  up  the  pores  of  the  skin, 
makes  them  widen  and  crack  under  its  influence.  It  is 
probable  that  the  skin  cannot  be  washed  perfectly  clean 
except  in  rain  water,  or  some  water  from  which  the 
chalky  alkaline  salts  have  been  artificially  removed. 
The  skin  acts  as  a  kind  of  external  lung,  throwing  off 
by  the  perspiration  the  effete  and  poisonous  matter  of 
the  system;  and  so  important  is  this  to  the  health  that 
a  man  would  die  in  a  few  hours  if  the  pores  were  closed 
by  painting  his  body  with  a  coat  of  varnish.  The 
necessity  of  keeping  the  pores  open  and  at  work  will, 
therefore,  be  evident  to  all. 

So  many  diseases  can  be  traced  directly  to  impure 
water,  that  if,  for  both  drinking  and  the  toilet,  only  rain 
or  distilled  water  was  used,  the  improved  health  and 


DIANE  de  POlTiERS. 


(471) 


THE  COMPLEXION. 


473 


appearance  of  the  community  would  soon  be  apparent 
to  every  one.  All  the  water  needed  for  these  purposes 
in  an  ordinary  family  can  be  furnished  by  a  small  still 
that  can  be  bought  for  five  dollars.  Queen  Victoria 
uses  nothing  but  distilled  water  for  her  toilet,  and  no 
one  who  has  ever  enjoyed  such  a  luxury  would  willingly 
dispense  with  it.  A  simple  substitute  for  a  still  may  be 
improvised  by  any  one.  Take  a  tea-kettle  with  a  close 
lid  and  fasten  a  pipe  of  lead  or  rubber  to  the  spout,  and 
let  the  pipe  run  through  a  pail  of  cold  water  into  a  jar 
or  any  vessel  for  holding  the  distilled  liquid.  The 
steam  from  the  tea-kettle,  in  passing  through  the  pipe, 
is  condensed  in  the  pail  of  cold  water,  and  runs  pure 
into  the  jar.  In  houses  which  are  heated  by  steam, 
distilled  water  is  easily  obtained  from  the  steam  pipes. 

Another  method  of  clearing  and  softening  water  is 
as  follows:  Prepare  about  a  gallon  of  lime  water  by 
mixing  in  slacked  lime  until  it  has  dissolved  all  it  can 
hold.  Let  it  stand  until  it  becomes  clear,  and  then  draw 
it  off  from  the  residuum  at  the  bottom.  Pour  this  into 
about  nine  gallons  of  the  water  you  wish  to  soften,  and 
the  lime  will  unite  with  the  chalk,  if  there  is  any 
present,  and  a  deposit  of  carbonate  of  lime  will  be  pre- 
cipitated. In  about  six  hours,  if  left  undisturbed,  a 
pure  and  soft  water  will  be  obtained,  which  can  be  used 
for  washing  with  comfort  and  safety. 

Distilled  water  can  be  purchased,  in  any  of  our 
cities,  for  a  few  cents  a  gallon,  by  those  who  wish  to  use 
it.  The  readiest  way  to  obtain  soft  water,  for  most  of 
our  readers,  however,  will  probably  be  to  use  rain  water, 
which  can  be  easily  caught  for  the  purpose. 

IMPOETAXCE  OF  PUEE  SOAP. 

Of  nearly  as  much  importance  as  the  water,  probably^ 
is  the  soap.    Cheap  soap  is  responsible  for  the  ruin  of 


474 


THE  COMPLEXION. 


numberless  complexions,  simply  because  cheap  soap  is 
not  pure.  A  soap  which  is  both  cheap  and  highly 
perfumed  is  almost  certainly  bad.  Diseased  fat  and 
corrosive  alkalies  are  used  in  the  manufacture  of  these 
cheap  articles,  and  many  diseases  of  the  skin  can  be 
directly  traced  to  their  use.  Most  of  the  medicated 
soaps  are  also  humbugs,  and  many  of  them  are  positively 
injurious  to  the  skin.  In  some  of  them  the  "  medicinal " 
quality  is  a  blind,  disguising  the  use  of  inferior  ingre- 
dients. Carbolic  soap  does  not  usually  contain  enough 
carbolic  acid  to  act  as  a  disinfectant  (putting  a  few 
drops  of  carbolic  acid  in  the  water  used  for  washing  is 
much  better  than  relying  on  the  prepared  soap),  and  the 
tar  and  other  soaps  so  often  recommended  are  worse 
than  useless.  There  is  nothing  better  for  the  skin  than 
pure,  unmedicated  soap — the  purer  the  better.  Probably 
the  best  of  the  cheaper  soaps  is  white  castile.  It  is  made 
of  a  vegetable  oil  (olive  oil),  and  saponified  with  soda, 
giving  it  a  detergent  quality  which  the  potash  soaps  do 
not  possess.   It  is  mildly  alkaline,  which  is  an  advantage. 

TOILET  WASHES— VARIOUS  KINDS. 

Various  articles  are  more  or  less  used  by  different 
people  for  toilet  washes : 

Ammonia — Some  people  add  a  little  ammonia  to  the 
water  used  for  bathing.  It  is  cleansing  and  slightly 
stimulating. 

Borax  is  a  very  useful  accessory  to  the  toilet,  and  is 
slightly  alkaline  and  very  cleansing.  It  is  dissolved  in 
the  water  used  for  washing. 

Oatmeal  is  often  used,  and  it  makes  a  very  pleasant 
toilet  article.  It  is  emollient,  will  tend  to  keep  the  skin 
soft  and  prevent  chaps,  and  may  often  be  substituted  for 
soap  to  good  advantage.   Thousands  of  people,  in  Ireland 


THE  COMPLEXION. 


475 


and  Scotland,  habitually  use  oatmeal  in  place  of  soap, 
and  they  are  noted  for  the  beauty  of  their  complexions. 
No  doubt  the  phosphatic  salts,  in  which  it  is  rich,  aid 
its  detergent  effect,  in  combining  with  and  removing  the 
oily  matters  and  impurities  from  the  skin.  See  our 
chapter  on  the  hands. 

Bran  is  sometimes  put  into  the  water  used  for  wash- 
ing, and,  being  somewhat  rough,  it  stimulates  the  skin 
by  friction  when  it  is  afterwards  rubbed. 

Benzoin  is  probably  one  of  the  best  toilet  articles  for 
the  skin.  It  is  fragrant,  medicinal,  and  tends  to  whiten 
the  complexion.  It  may  be  used  in  the  proportion  of 
two  ounces  of  benzoin  to  one  pint  of  alcohol,  or  in  the 
"Virginal  Milk"  elsewhere  given. 

On  no  account  should  any  liquid  wash  be  applied  to 
the  face,  containing  metallic  powders  or  earthy  sub- 
stances. They  cause  the  skin  to  harden,  shrivel  and 
become  rough  and  blotched. 

COSMETICS. 

Cosmetics  (the  word  is  derived  from  the  Greek, 
Kosmeo^  I  adorn)  are  artificial  preparations  used  to 
beautify  the  person.  They  have  been  used  from  the 
most  ancient  times,  and  many  of  the  preparations  used 
at  present  are  credited  with  a  great  antiquity.  Their 
use  has  fluctuated  from  the  greatest  popularity  to  the 
most  scornful  condemnation.  In  times  of  luxury  they 
have  usually  been  in  favor,  and  in  Eome,  during  her 
luxurious  era,  their  use  was  carried  to  an  extreme;  but 
always,  with  the  advent  of  plainer  modes  of  life,  they 
have  been  little  used.  Many  cosmetics  are  very  injurious 
to  the  skin,  but  a  few  of  them  are  harmless.  Among 
refined  and  cultivated  people  they  are  only  used  in 
moderation. 


476 


THE  COMPLEXION. 


It  may  be  well  to  caution  our  readers  against  the  use 
of  cosmetics  the  preparation  and  ingredients  of  which 
they  are  wholly  ignorant.  While  this  article  has  been 
in  preparation  our  attention  has  been  called  to  an 
analysis  of  a  widely-advertised  "  balm "  for  the  com- 
plexion, the  sale  of  which  has  been  pushed  with  unusual 
skill  and  energy.  The  manufacturer  has  loudly  adver- 
tised that  it  was  "  warranted  to  contain  neither  lead, 
bismuth  nor  arsenic."  This  is  true,  but  an  analysis 
shows  that  it  does  contain  about  two  and  one-quarter 
grains  of  corrosive  sublimate  to  four  ounces  of  water. 
The  habitual  use  of  this  preparation  could  not  fail 
to  injure  the  skin  of  any  lady,  and  a  too  free  use 
would  destroy  her  beauty  and  produce  most  serious 
results.  And  yet  the  manufacturer  has  contrived  to  get 
the  endorsement  of  many  distinguished  people,  who  were 
foolish  enough  to  endorse  a  preparation  the  ingre- 
dients of  which  they  knew  little  or  nothing  about. 
One  of  the  most  famous  beauties  of  the  last  century, 
Maria  Gunning,  who  married  the  Earl  of  Coventry,  not 
content  with  her  natural  beauty  sought  to  enhance  it, 
and  used  cosmetics  which  caused  her  death.  Physicians 
are  continually  called  on  to  treat  ladies  suffering  from 
the  use  of  injurious  cosmetics,  and  the  patient  almost 
invariably  used  them  in  utter  ignorance  of  the  harmful 
nature  of  the  compound.  Ladies  cannot  be  too  cautious 
about  using  cosmetics  the  composition  of  which  they 
do  not  understand,  however  loudly  they  may  be  adver- 
tised, or  however  highly  they  may  be  recommended. 

COLD  CREAM. 

The  basis  of  most  of  the  unguents  so  largely  used  is 
cold  cream.  It  is  better  to  prepare  the  cream  one's 
self  than  to  trust  to  that  which  is  bought.    The  use  of 


THE  COMPLEXION. 


477 


this  preparation,  when  made  out  of  pure  materials  after 
the  formula  we  give,  is  an  excellent  thing  for  the  skin, 
and  vastly  better  than  to  resort  to  the  unknown  com- 
pounds so  often  bought  and  used  by  ladies.  The 
glycerine  and  other  ingredients  of  which  this  cold 
cream  is  made,  are  soothing  and  healing  in  their  action 
on  the  skin;  they  do  not  close  the  pores,  and  their  action 
is  not  only  harmless  but  beneficial  as  well,  while  many 
of  the  messes  commonly  used  are  positively  injurious 
as  we  have  previously  explained. 

The  formula  for  making  cold  cream  is  as  follows  : 
Take  of  pure  white  wax,  one  ounce;  spermaceti,  two 
ounces;  almond  oil,  one-half  pint.  Mix  these  together 
in  a  glazed  earthenware  dish  over  a  gentle  heat.  TThile 
melting  they  should  be  thoroughly  stirred  together  and 
mixed  with  a  silver  or  glass  spoon.  When  melted,  add 
three  ounces  of  glycerine  and  ten  drops  of  attar  of  roses. 
Then  strain  through  muslin,  and  as  it  cools  stir  it  to  a 
snowy  whiteness.  A  smaller  quantity  than  this  may 
be  prepared  by  keeping  the  same  proportions,  and  any 
other  perfume  may  be  substituted  for  the  attar  of  roses 
if  pref ered. 

Stirring  and  beating  it  well  all  the  time  it  is  cooling 
is  the  secret  of  making  fine  cold  cream.  When  it  is 
intended  for  the  hair  the  glycerine  may  be  omitted, 
and  a  little  more  almond  oil  added.  On  going  to  bed 
at  night  the  face  may  be  washed  in  soft  water,  care- 
fully dried,  and  this  cold  cream  rubbed  over  it  carefully 
from  forehead  to  chin,  with  the  hand,  and  then  wiped 
off  with  a  soft  towel.  The  frequency  with  which  this 
unguent  is  used  should  depend  on  the  condition  of  the 
skin,  but  it  should  not  be  applied  every  night. 

EMULSIOX  FOR  THE  COMPLEXIOX. 

There  is  said  to  be  no  better  emulsion  for  the  com- 


478 


THE  COMPLEXION. 


plexion  than  the  following:  Take  of  cascarilla  powder, 
two  grains;  muriate  of  ammonia,  two  grains;  emulsion  of 
almonds,  eight  ounces.  The  value  of  this  emulsion 
depends  largely  upon  its  being  properly  prepared.  First 
carefully  remove  all  the  skin  from  the  almonds.  Then 
grind  them  in  a  glazed  earthen  mortar  until  they  are 
reduced  to  a  uniform  mass,  pulverizing  them  thoroughly 
so  that  no  lumps  are  left,  and  adding  water  slowly  and 
mixing  it  thoroughly,  until  the  mass  is  about  as  thick  as 
cream.  Then  thoroughly  mix  in  the  ammonia  and  cas- 
carilla powder. 

LAIT  VIEGINAL  (VIRGINAL  MILK). 

This  preparation,  which  is  much  used  by  some  ladies, 
and  which  is  an  old  cosmetic,  is  not  expensive,  and  may 
be  made  as  follows:  Take  a  quart  of  rose  water,  orange 
water,  or  elder-flower  water,  and  add  to  it  an  ounce  of 
tincture  of  benzoin.  Add  the  latter  drop  by  drop, 
stirring  all  the  time.  Care  must  be  taken  to  get  the 
simple,  and  not  the  "compound"  tincture  of  benzoin, 
for  the  latter  contains  aloes  and  other  ingredients  quite 
unsuitable  for  the  skin.  This  emulsion  looks  like 
cream,  and  has  a  delightful  odor.  It  may  be  improved 
by  the  addition  of  twelve  or  fifteen  minims  of  tincture 
of  myrrh,  and  a  few  drops  of  glycerine.  It  may  be 
used  frequently  and  in  place  of  soap. 

TOILET  VINEGAES. 

Toilet  vinegars,  as  they  are  called,  are  made  usually 
with  dilute  acetic  acid,  into  which  is  infused  some 
fragrant  substance  like  rose  leaves,  lavender  or  verbena. 
They  should  be  much  diluted,  and  may  be  applied  to 
the  skin  in  the  morning,  to  overcome  the  tendency  to 
greasiness  to  which  some  people  are  subject.  They 


THE  COMPLEXION. 


479 


should  not  be  applied  at  once  after  soap,  as  the  acid  of 
the  vinegar  will  decompose  the  soap,  and  cause  injury 
to  the  skin. 

Hose  Vinegar  may  be  made  by  steeping  one  ounce 
of  rose  leaves  for  eight  days  in  six  gills  of  strong  vine- 
gar.   Then  strain,  and  it  is  ready  for  use. 

Baspherry  Vinegar  may  be  made  by  steeping  three 
pints  of  raspberries  (either  fresh  or  dry)  for  fifteen  days 
in  six  gills  of  strong  vinegar.  Then  strain,  and  it  is 
ready  for  use. 

Virginal  Vinegar  may  be  made  by  steeping  equal 
parts  of  white  wine  vinegar  and  powdered  benzoin  for 
eight  days.  A  little  of  this  in  the  toilet  water  will 
make  it  milky  white. 

It  should  be  said,  however,  that  the  commercial 
vinegars  sold  on  the  market  at  present  are  largely 
manufactured,  and  that,  too,  out  of  substances  which 
would  be  very  injurious  to  the  skin.  Those  of  our 
readers,  therefore,  who  attempt  to  prepare  any  of  the 
above  preparations  for  their  own  use  should  be  careful 
to  obtain  and  use  only  pure  vinegar — preferably  the  , 
white  wine  vinegar. 

LAVENDER  WATER. 

This  preparation  tends  to  render  the  skin  firm  and 
clear,  and  is  an  excellent  lotion.  It  is  made  as  follows: 
Take  of  rectified  alcohol  one  quart,  oil  of  lavender  two 
ounces,  and  rose  water  one-fourth  pint.  Mix  and  bathe 
the  skin  occasionally  with  it. 

POWDERS. 

There  are  many  powders  on  the  market,  some  of 
which  are  sold  under  high-sounding  names.  One  of 
the  simplest  and  best  powders  to  use  is  probably  finely- 


480 


THE  COMPLEXION. 


powdered  rice.  It  may  be  had  in  two  or  three  different 
tints.  It  is  harmless.  All  preparations  containing  lead, 
however,  are  injurious,  and  even  dangerous.  Chalk  is 
harmless,  and  so  is  cascarilla. 

Among  the  dry  powders,  calcined  magnesia  is  one  of 
the  best  to  use.  It  is  simple,  harmless,  and  does  not 
give  the  deadly  white  look  of  the  heavy  powders  like 
chalk  and  bismuth. 

Bismuth  is  sometimes  prepared  with  arsenous  acid 
and  is  then  very  injurious. 

While  we  do  not  advocate  the  use  of  powders,  if  they 
are  used  at  all  they  should  be  applied  artistically,  and 
not  daubed  on.  On  journeys,  picnics,  and  when  driving, 
powders  will  protect  the  face  against  dust  and  sunburn. 
When  chalk  is  applied,  the  skin  should  first  be  made  as 
clean  and  cool  as  possible.  Then  put  the  chalk  in 
coarse  linen  and  mash  it  in  water  with  the  fingers. 
Some  of  the  fine  powder  will  ooze  through,  and  the  face 
may  then  be  quickly  rubbed  with  the  linen,  and  a  fine, 
pure  deposit  will  be  left  on  the  skin  when  it  dries ;  then 
take  a  damp  handkerchief  and  press  the  face,  to  remove 
the  superfluous  powder,  and  wipe  the  nostrils  and  brow 
clean.  When  applied  in  this  way,  it  will  look  much 
better  than  when  dusted  on  dry.  Cascarillp,  may  be 
applied  in  much  the  same  manner. 

To  whiten  the  arms,  wash  them  first,  dry  them  care- 
fully, and  then  rub  on  a  little  glycerine,  being  careful 
not  to  let  the  skin  absorb  it  all.    Then  apply  the  chalk. 

The  powders  containing  the  mineral  precipitates  are 
all  injurious,  and  the  utmost  pains  should  be  taken  to 
get  only  those  which  are  pure  and  harmless.  The  best 
powders  are  none  too  good,  and  certainly  no  others 
should  ever  be  used. 

One  great  objection  to  the  use  of  even  harmless  pow- 
ders is  their  mechanical  effect  in  closing  the  pores  of 


THE  PRINCESS  OF  WALES. 


THE  COMPLEXION. 


483 


the  skin.  We  have  elsewhere  explained  the  importance 
to  the  health  of  keeping  these  pores  open  and  freely  at 
work,  and  any  powder  which  closes  them  and  checks 
their  action  in  discharging  the  effete  matter  from  the 
system,  will  force  them  to  retain  the  secretions,  and  lay 
the  foundation  for  various  eruptive  diseases.  When 
powders  of  any  kind  are  used,  they  should  be  washed 
off  before  retiring,  and  never  allowed  to  remain  on  the 
skin  over  night. 

One  very  intelligent  writer  says:  "The  health  and 
beauty  of  the  skin  depend  mainly  on  the  cleanliness 
and  freedom  of  its  transpiratory  pores.  If  these  be 
choked  up  and  loaded  with  foreign  matter,  it  is  obvious 
that  the  regular  functions  of  the  skin  cannot  be  fulfilled, 
and  the  result  will,  sooner  or  later,  show  itself  in  the 
accumulation  of  black  deposit  in  the  orifices  of  the 
glands,  red  blotches,  due  to  deranged  circulation,  and 
even  grave  disfigurements,  arising  from  the  deleterious 
action  of  certain  chemical  ingredients  used  in  the  com- 
position of  such  cosmetics." 

KOUGE. 

The  word  rouge  is  French,  and  means  ''red."  There 
are  many  preparations  on  the  market,  and  the  use  of 
those  which  are  not  injurious  to  the  skin  is  purely  a 
matter  of  taste.  They  have  been  so  often  abused  that 
many  are  prejudiced  against  them.  But,  if  it  is  right 
to  adorn  the  person  with  laces,  ribbons  and  jewels,  it  is 
hard  to  see  why  the  complexion  may  not  be  "touched 
up  "  a  little. 

The  experienced  women  of  the  world  should  know, 
however,  that  most  of  the  artifices  they  resort  to  are  but  a 
thin  veil  through  which  the  keen  eye  readily  penetrates. 
Fresh  air,  pure  water  and  exercise  will  do  more  to 


484 


THE  COMPLEXION. 


impart  an  attractive  color  to  the  cheeks  than  all  the 
rouges  ever  devised.  But  pallid  faces  may  be  improved, 
occasionally,  by  a  little  judicious  "getting  up."  While 
the  true  woman  thinks  first  of  her  heart,  and  next  of  her 
mind,  she  is  not,  and  should  not  be,  indifferent  to  her 
personal  appearance. 

The  cheap  rouges  have  various  injurious  ingredients 
in  them,  such  as  arsenic,  red-lead  and  bismuth.  The 
effect  of  bismuth  is  to  cause  purplish  pimples  on  the 
cheeks  on  which  it  has  been  much  used.  Many  of  the 
public  singers  owe  the  coarse  appearance  of  their  faces 
to  the  bismuth  they  have  used.  Vermillion  is  a  prepara- 
tion of  mercury,  and  should  never  be  used,  and  the  red 
sulphur  of  mercury  is  very  dangerous.  The  rouges  are 
harmless  which  are  prepared  from  carthamine,  which  is 
derived  from  the  plant  known  as  the  "bastard  saffron;" 
so  are  those  made  from  cochineal,  a  dye  stuff  consisting 
of  the  dried  bodies  of  insects,  from  which  carmine  is 
extracted ;  and  so  is  orchanet.  By  mixing  a  little  car- 
mine with  any  good  powder  used  to  whiten  the  skin,  a 
rouge  may  be  made  which  is  harmless  and  much  better 
than  the  cheap  manufactured  articles  commonly  sold  in 
the  stores. 

Talc  is  a  colorless  silico-aluminate  of  magnesia,  con- 
taining a  little  potash.  It  is  frequently  used  in  surgery 
as  a  dressing  for  open  wounds,  on  which  it  has  a  very 
beneficial  and  healing  effect,  which  is  sufficient  evidence 
that  it  is  a  harmless  toilet  article.  By  mixing  a  little 
carmine — say  one  to  four  scruples  of  carmine  with  two 
to  three  ounces  of  talc,  various  shades  of  rouge  may  be 
prepared,  the  shade  varying  with  the  proportions  used. 

Bloom  of  Boses. — There  is  probably  no  better  liquid 
rouge  than  the  "  Bloom  of  Koses,"  which  is  prepared 
as  follows:  Put  five  drachms  of  liquid  ammonia  and 
one  and  one-half  drachms  of  powdered  carmine  in  a 


THE  COMPLEXION. 


485 


stoppered  bottle,  and  put  it  in  a  cool  place  and  agitate 
occasionally  until  completely  dissolved.  Carmine  is 
completely  soluble  in  liquid  ammonia,  and  if  complete 
solution  does  not  take  place  it  is  impure.  Then  mix 
two  draclims  of  essence  of  rose,  one  and  one-half  ounces 
of  rectified  spirit  and  eight  ounces  of  rose  water;  add 
this,  with  agitation,  to  the  first  mixture.  Lastly,  dis- 
solve one-half  ounce  of  fine  gum  arabic  in  the  mixed 
liquid.  On  the  continent  "rouge  crepons,"  (which  con- 
sist of  fine  woolen  crape,  or  fine  cotton  wool  which  has 
been  repeatedly  soaked  in  the  above  solution  and 
allowed  to  dry),  are  rubbed  on  the  cheeks  until  the 
desired  tint  is  obtained. 

Liquid  Rouge  of  Roses. — A  soothing  preparation 
for  the  skin  is  known  as  the  liquid  rouge  of  roses.  It 
is  prepared  by  taking  of  almond  oil,  four  ounces ;  oil  of 
tartar,  forty  drops,  and  rose  water  one-half  pint .  Mix 
in  carmine  until  the  proper  shade  is  obtained.  To  vary 
the  shade  a  few  fiakes  of  indigo  may  be  added  to  give  a 
deep  crimson,  and  less  carmine  and  a  little  pale  yellow 
to  give  the  soft  greuze  tints. 

Devoux  French  Rouge. — A  dry  rouge,  known  as  the 
Devoux  French  rouge,  is  prepared  by  mixing  one-half 
drachm  of  carmine,  one  drachm  of  oil  of  almonds,  and 
two  ounces  of  French  chalk. 

The  danger  with  painting  and  coloring  is,  however, 
that  she  who  once  begins  the  practice  will  find  that  if 
deleterious  preparations  are  used,  the  skin  will  never 
regain  its  bloom,  but  its  roughness  will  increase,  and 
she  must  go  on  painting  and  coloring,  and  continually 
deepening  the  shade  to  gain  the  desired  effect.  In  the 
cheap  rouges  sold  in  the  stores  carmine  is  almost  never 
used,  but  instead  the  mineral  reds  (which  are  cheaper') 
are  employed.  They  not  only  produce  the  injurious 
effects  we  have  previously  alluded  to,  but  they  also  tend 


486 


THE  COMPLEXION. 


to  produce  paralysis  of  the  superficial  muscles  of  the 
face,  and  our  readers  should  have  their  eyes  open  to  the 
risk  they  run  in  using  them. 

FACE  MASKS. 

Tar  Mask, — One  preparation  which  has  been  often 
used  and  abundantly  tested,  and  which,  while  quite 
simple,  makes  the  skin  soft  and  smooth,  is  the  tar  mask. 
It  is  prepared  by  taking  one  pint  of  pure  oil  (olive  or 
almond)  and  mixing  in  one  spoonful  of  tar  ( use  the 
best).  Put  the  two  together  in  a  tin  cup  and  heat  by 
setting  it  in  boiling  water,  and  mix  them  while  thus 
heated.  If  it  is  too  thick,  add  more  oil  and  stir  until 
they  are  perfectly  mixed.  On  going  to  bed  apply  this 
to  the  face;  and  to  prevent  its  rubbing  off  lay  some  old 
soft  cloths  over  it.  As  it  will  soil  the  bed  linen, 
that  should  be  covered  and  protected.  In  the  morning 
it  can  be  easily  washed  off  with  soap  and  warm  water. 
The  odor  is  not  unpleasant.  This  should  be  applied 
several  times,  and  it  will  remove  incipient  wrinkles  and 
make  the  face  smooth  and  soft.  If  pimples  appear  after 
the  first  application  or  two  they  will  soon  disappear, 
unless  the  blood  is  much  out  of  order,  when  internal 
remedies  should  be  taken. 

It  is  said  that  Louis  XIY  always  applied  a  face 
mask  on  retiring.  It  was  composed  of  medicated  wax. 
Masks  of  various  kinds  have  been  much  worn  in  France 
down  to  the  present  day.  They  are  said  to  be  very 
effective  in  removing  eruptions  from  the  face.  There  is 
probably  nothing  better  than  the  tar  mask  which  we 
give. 

STEAMING  THE  SKIN. 

An  excellent  thing  to  keep  the  skin  fresh  and  healthy 
is  to  steam  it  two  or  three  times  a  week  for  five  or  ten 


THE  COMPLEXION. 


487 


minutes  at  a  time.  A  small  portable  vapor  lamp  may  be 
used,  or  tlie  steam  from  a  kitchen  steamer.  The  best 
time  to  use  it  is  at  night,  as  there  will  then  be  less 
liability  of  taking  cold  by  after  exposure.  The  steam 
should  be  aided  by  applying  friction  with  the  hand. 
This  will  stimulate  the  functions  of  the  skin,  and  keep  it 
fresh  and  healthy,  and  prevent  premature  wrinkles. 

Cleopatra's  bath  for  the  skin. 

Another  application  for  rendering  the  skin  soft  and 
smooth,  and  which  has  been  long  in  use,  being  quite 
old,  is  the  following:  1.  Take  two  drachms  of  tincture  of 
balsam  of  Peru,  two  drachms  of  tincture  of  tolu,  and 
two  drachms  of  tincture  of  benzoin,  and  mix  them 
gradually  in  one  gill  of  distilled  water.  2.  Then  take  one 
ounce  of  white  wax  (melted),  one-half  ounce  of  sper- 
maceti (melted),  eight  ounces  of  sweet  almond  oil, 
and  one  ounce  of  rose  water.  Mix  these  together,  and 
then  add  the  first  mixture  and  beat  them  all  together 
thoroughly.  This  may  be  applied  to  the  skin  with  a 
sponge. 

"enameling"  the  skin. 

As  we  have  elsewhere  explained,  anything  which 
closes  the  pores  of  the  skin  and  interferes  with  its 
healthy  action  is  an  injury.  But  further  on,  in  our 
chapter  on  "  Affections  of  the  Skin,"  under  the  head  of 
"Wrinkles,"  we  give  a  very  simple  preparation,  which 
will  aifBwer  all  ordinary  purposes. 

\ 


ft 


AFFECTIONS  OF  THE  SKIN. 


HE  SKIN  covers  the  whole  external  surface 
of  the  body,  and  extends  inward  into  all 
its  natural  openings,  and  there,  becoming 
soft  and  moist,  it  is  known  as  mucous 
membrane."  The  derma,  or  true  skin, 
lies  underneath  the  epidermis,  or  cuticle, 
which  covers  and  protects  it.  The  more 
superficial  or  outer  surface  of  the  derma, 
or  true  skin,  takes  the  form  of  papillge — 
that  is,  minute  soft  conical  bodies  arranged  in  orderly- 
rows.  The  expansions  of  the  sensitive  nerves  are  in  the 
papillae.  From  the  derma,  or  true  skin,  myriads  of  pores, 
or  openings,  are  provided,  to  the  surface  of  the  cuticle 
or  epidermis;  and  through  these  pores  the  perspiration 
and  other  exhalations  occur.  Anything  which  arrests 
these  processes,  whether  by  internal  check  or  by  using 
artificial  coverings  or  varnishes  on  the  outer  surface,  is 
attended  with  great  danger.  The  cuticle,  or  epidermis, 
is  composed  of  a  disorganized  scaly  substance  in  layers 
— something  like  the  tiles  on  a  roof.  They  protect  the 
sensitive  derma  from  injury.  The  outer  scales  are  con- 
tinually desquamating  or  falling  off.  The  hairs  have 
their  roots  in  the  true  skin  or  derma,  and  numerous 
glands,  secreting  fatty  matter  which  serves  for  their 
nutrition,  are  appended  to  them. 

For  convenience  of  reference  the  various  affections 
of  the  skin  of  which  we  treat  will  be  arranged  alphabet- 


490 


AFFECTIONS  OF  THE  SKIN. 


Acne  (variously  termed  "Spotted  Acne,"  "Black- 
heads," "Black-points"  and  "Comedones"). — These 
are  various  names  for  one  of  the  most  common  disfigure- 
ments of  the  face.  They  are  simply  the  "  black-points  " 
which  appear  so  often  on  the  sides  of  the  nose,  cheek 
and  chin.  Some  people  speak  of  them  as  "  grubs,"  but 
they  are  not  animals  at  all — they  are  nothing  but  the 
greasy  or  sebaceous  matter  which  the  glands  secrete. 
It  is  the  shape  of  the  sac  which  gives  the  matter  the 
grub-like  appearance  when  it  is  pressed  out.  The  outer 
ends,  or  surfaces,  become  blackened  by  exposure  to  the 
dust  and  air,  and  this  causes  the  disfigurement. 

Most  of  the  "lotions"  advertised  for  this  affection,  if 
they  do  anything  at  all,  merely  whiten  the  outer  surfaces, 
and  so  conceal  the  black  spots.  The  best  treatment  is 
to  soften  them  by  applying  a  little  glycerine  or  oil,  or 
by  washing  the  parts  in  hot  water,  and  then  they  may 
be  squeezed  out  by  pressing  any  blunt,  flat  instrument 
against  the  flesh  and  moving  it  slowly  along.  To  prevent 
their  formation,  bathe  the  face  once  a  day  in  warm 
water,  and  then  press  a  towel,  wrapped  around  the  finger, 
firmly  along  the  parts  affected.  Any  redness  thus 
occasioned  may  be  obviated  by  applying  a  very  little  of 
a  preparation  of  equal  parts  of  glycerine  and  prepared 
chalk.  A  very  little  is  all  that  is  needed.  Bathing  the 
parts  affected  with  ammonia  or  with  wine,  once  or  twice 
a  day,  is  also  said  to  be  effective.  Another  excellent 
preparation  is:  Rectified  spirits,  one  ounce,  and  sulphur 
precip.,  one  drachm.  Mix,  and  always  shake  before 
using.  Dip  a  soft  rag  in  the  mixture,  and  rub  over  the 
spots  night  and  morning,  after  having  washed  the  face 
in  very  hot  soft  water. 

In  some  people  the  acne  take  the  form  of  distinct 
pimples.  They  should  be  pricked,  and  the  matter 
squeezed  out  by  the  pressure  of  a  watch-key  or  the  like. 


ADE^iNA  PaTTI 
(191) 


AFFECTIONS  OF  THE  SKIN. 


493 


Druggists  sell  a  fine  knife  made  for  the  purpose.  The 
slight  bleeding  which  succeeds  the  discharge  of  matter 
is  beneficial  in  allaying  the  congestion.  Then  bathe  the 
parts  with  a  preparation  made  of  equal  parts  of  spirits 
and  water,  or  with  toilet  vinegar  (which  see).  The  use 
of  coffee,  beer,  wines,  and  rich,  greasy  food,  should  be 
avoided  by  people  thus  afflicted,  and  fruit,  green  vege- 
tables, brown  bread  and  similar  laxatives  eaten.  Have 
the  sleeping  apartment  well  ventilated  and  take  out- door 
exercise. 

The  sacs  sometimes  become  clogged  up,  and,  unable 
to  discharge  their  contents,  they  swell  out  and  become 
hard  and  prominent,  looking  like  little  pearls  imbedded 
in  the  skin.  They  should  be  pricked  open  with  a  needle 
or  other  sharp  instrument,  the  contents  pressed  out,  and 
the  parts  then  bathed  with  a  little  spirit  and  water  or 
toilet  vinegar. 

Bites  and  Stings.  —  Many  persons  are  greatly 
annoyed  by  the  bites  of  insects.  If  the  exposed  parts  are 
rubbed  with  a  preparation  of  carbolic  acid  and  glycerine, 
say  one  ounce  of  glycerine  to  fifty  drops  of  dilute  car- 
bolic acid  (be  sure  and  use  the  dilute)  it  will  prevent 
mosquitoes  from  biting.  They  are  repelled  by  the  car- 
bolic acid.  The  disagreeable  odor  of  the  acid  may  be 
disguised  by  adding  two  or  three  drops  of  the  attar  of 
roses,  or  a  little  lavender  which  will  cover  the  odor  is  still 
better.  At  the  sea-shore,  or  in  the  country,  these  trou- 
blesome pests  may  be  driven  off  in  this  way.  After 
having  been  bitten,  the  bites  may  be  cured  and  the  blot- 
ches removed  quite  speedily  by  applying  this  prepara- 
tion. Babies  and  children  may  be  protected  in  the 
same  way,  only  the  preparation  may  be  diluted  some- 
what. The  essential  oils,  applied  to  the  skin,  are  also 
very  effective  in  keeping  off  these  pests.  There  is,  pro- 
bably, nothing  better  for  the  bites  of  fi  eas,  bugs  and 


494 


AFFECTIONS  OF  THE  SKIN. 


gnats,  than  carbolic  acid  applied  as  above,  or  in  water 
in  the  proportion  of  one  part  of  the  acid  to  twenty  of 
water. 

The  stings  of  bees  and  wasps  may  be  treated  by  first 
extracting  the  sting,  if  it  is  left  in  the  wound,  and  then 
apply  a  paste  made  of  soda  and  water.  This  is  an 
admirable  preparation;  it  is  simple,  and  gives  almost 
instant  relief. 

Nettle  Stings. — Examine  the  skin  and  if  any  prickles 
are  left  remove  them.  Bathe  the  part  with  a  lotion 
made  of  three  parts  of  water  to.  one  part  of  dilute 
ammonia,  and  also  bind  on  a  little  lint  soaked  therein. 
Adding  a  tablespoonf  ul  of  Listerine  to  a  tumbler  of  the 
latter  preparation  makes  a  soothing  application  which 
has'a  curative  effect. 

Blisters. — When  these  occur  on  the  hands  or  feet 
it  is  best  not  to  break  the  skin  if  it  can  be  avoided.  The 
plan  of  pricking  them  with  a  needle — often  resorted 
to — we  do  not  commend.  If  on  any  place  like  the  foot 
where  they  will  be  liable  to  friction  they  must  be  pro- 
tected or  an  unpleasant  sore  will  be  liable  to  result.  A 
good  application  for  blisters  is  equal  parts  of  spermaceti, 
olive  oil  and  subnitrate  of  bismuth,  mixed  and  rubbed 
gently  over  them.  Then  cover  with  a  rag,  tied  on  or  held 
by  adhesive  piaster. 

"Black-Heads"  or  "  Black-Ponts "  on  the  face 
— see  Acne. 

Boils. — These  are  an  indication  of  ill-health.  They 
should  be  treated  accordingly  and  such  remedies  taken 
as  may  be  needed  in  each  case.  In  cases  where  the  in- 
flammation is  great,  poultices  may  be  applied  to  soften 
the  skin  and  bring  the  boil  to  a  head.  In  chronic  cases 
the  boil  may  be  painted  once  a  day  with  iodine  tincture.  ' 
Boils  may  be  dissipated  in  their  incipiency,  but  it  is  bet- 
ter to  let  them  run  their  course. 


AFFECTIONS  OF  THE  SKIN. 


495 


Bruises. — To  these  injuries  apply  ice,  or  cloths  wet 
in  saltwater  containing  ice,  and  a  little  alum.  Continue 
this  application  for  two  hours.  I£  there  is  discoloration 
apply  iodide  o£  potassium  ointment  three  times  a  day. 
This  operates  like  the  more  active  but  colored  prepara- 
ations  of  iodine,  but  does  not  color  the  skin.  To  con- 
ceal the  discoloration  is  sometimes  quite  important. 
This  may  be  done  by  rubbing  gently  over  the  bruise  a 
preparation  of  equal  parts  of  glycerine  and  prepared 
chalk,  until  it  is  well  worked  in.  Then  apply  with  a 
brush  a  layer  of  collodion.  This  will  make  the  part 
white.  Starch  is  also  used  sometimes,  as  it  is  conven- 
ient and  does  fairly  well.  A  very  small  quantity  of 
carmine  added  to  the  chalk  or  starch  gives  a  more  nat- 
ural color. 

Bunions. — See  our  chapter  on  "The  Feet." 

Burns  and  Scalds. — The  treatment  consists  mainly 
in  excluding  the  air.  A  simple  and  doubtless  one  of  the 
best  remedies  for  slight  burns  and  scalds  is  to  smear 
the  part  with  some  oil  (olive  or  other),  and  then  cover 
it  with  cotton  batting,  tied  on  with  moderate  firmness. 
Probably  little  else  will  be  needed.  A  simple  domestic 
remedy  is  to  apply  cloths  ( soft  linen,  preferably ) ,  wet  in 
a  solution  of  bi-carbonate  of  soda  (this  is  common  bak- 
ing soda)  and  water,  say  two  teaspoonfuls  to  a  pint, 
which  will  often  afford  almost  immediate  relief  from  the 
pain;  or  smear  a  little  oil  on  the  part,  and  then  apply 
flour,  starch  or  chalk  freely — that  is,  in  sufficient  quan- 
tities to  exclude  the  air.  Keep  adding  more  flour  or 
starch  for  several  days,  whenever  it  seems  necessary  to 
perfectly  exclude  the  air.  An  old  remedy  is  carron  oil, 
which  is  simply  equal  parts  of  olive  or  linseed  oil  and 
lime-water,  applied  on  linen  cloths.  These  remedies 
will  answer  for  the  milder  burns  and  scalds.  Sometimes 
a  large  surface  may  be  burned,  causing  a  serious  and 


496 


AFFECTIONS  OF  THE  SKIN. 


even  dangerous  shock  to  the  system,  in  which  case 
medical  assistance  should  be  sought  as  soon  as  possible. 

Acids,  when  strong,  will  destroy  or  "  burn"  the  skin. 
When  the  injury  is  caused  by  carbolic  acid,  apply  olive 
oil.  For  sulphuric,  nitric  or  hydrochloric  acids,  apply 
dilute  ammonia,  chalk,  carbonate  of  magnesia,  or  the 
plaster  from  the  ceiling,  powdered  and  stirred  in  water. 
In  an  hour  or  two,  apply  equal  parts  of  olive  oil  and 
lime-water  on  lint. 

Alkalies,  like  ammonia  or  potash,  when  so  strong  as 
to  injure  the  skin,  should  be  counteracted  by  at  once 
applying  some  dilute  acid  like  vinegar. 

Chaps.  —  This  unpleasant  affection  is  caused  by 
exposure  to  the  cold.  To  prevent  them,  keep  the  hands 
warmly  covered,  and,  when  they  are  washed,  always 
wipe  them  perfectly  dry.  Pure  glycerine  is  undoubtedly 
one  of  the  best  remedies  for  chaps.  The  following 
formula  will  also  be  found  an  excellent  application: 
Take  of  glycerine  one  ounce,  chalk  two  ounces,  and  milk 
five  ounces.    Mix,  and  rub  on  the  hands. 

Chilblains.— See  our  chapter  on    The  Feet." 

Comedones. — See  Acne. 

Corns. — See  our  chapter  on  "  The  Feet." 

Dandruff  or  Scurf.— See  our  chapter  on  "The 
Hair." 

Dark  Lines  under  the  Eyes. — These  are  caused 
by  some  drain  on  the  system,  which  lowers  it  below  the 
normal  standard.  Lack  of  sleep,  dissipation,  exhausting 
diseases,  etc.,  may  produce  this  effect.  The  treatment 
must,  of  course,  vary  with  the  cause.  When  due  to 
overwork,  dissipation,  etc.,  the  manner  of  life  must  be 
changed,  and  a  tonic  treatment  is  almost  always  needed. 

For  local  treatment,  bathe  the  parts  often  with  cold 
water,  and  then  apply  friction  with  the  fingers  or  towel. 
A  little  turpentine  liniment  or  weak  ammonia,  say  one 


AFFECTIONS  OF  THE  SKIN. 


497 


part  of  dilute  ammonia  to  four  of  water,  may  be  rubbed 
into  the  skin  once  a  day.  Be  very  careful,  however? 
that  it  does  not  get  into  the  eye,  as  that  organ  is  very 
delicate  and  easily  injured. 

Dye  (A  Brown,  for  the  Skin). — The  simplest  and 
most  innocent  brown  dye  for  the  skin  is  made  by  digest- 
ing walnut  bark  in  rectified  spirits.  The  use  of  dyes  for 
the  skin  is  to  be  deprecated,  however,  except  where 
there  is  some  imperfection  which  the  dye  may  help  to 
mitigate.  Occasionally,  for  some  special  purpose,  like 
private  theatricals,  a  brown  dye  is  wanted. 

Flabby  Skin. — The  skin  on  the  cheeks,  or  under 
the  chin,  sometimes  appears  lank  and  flabby.  This  is 
caused  by  mal-nutrition,  and  while  the  skin  retains 
nearly  its  original  extent,  the  fat  may  be  partially 
absorbed,  thus  producing  the  flabbiness.  The  general 
treatment,  when  the  patient  desires  to  lose  his  surplus 
fat,  must  be  the  same  as  for  obesity  (which  see).  As 
the  patient  will  probably  be  in  a  low  nervous  condition, 
he  should  take  tonics,  bathe  often,  take  regular  exercise, 
be  careful  to  breathe  pure  air  both  during  the  day  and 
at  night,  avoid  overloading  the  stomach  with  fatty  and 
alcoholic  material,  and  give  both  mind  and  body  suffi- 
cient rest. 

For  a  local  application,  the  skin  may  be  stimulated 
with  dry  friction  at  night,  and  then  a  little  iodide  of 
potassium  ointment  may  be  rubbed  in .  A  wash  of  alum 
water  (a  tablespoonful  of  alum  to  a  pint  of  water)  will 
help  to  tighten  the  skin,  i^pply  daily.  A  lotion  made 
of  one  drachm  of  tannin  to  one  ounce  of  water  may  be 
used  instead  of  the  alum  wash,  sometimes,  if  preferred. 

Looseness  of  the  skin  in  other  parts  of  the  body  may 
be  treated  in  a  similar  way. 

Flushing  of  the  Face.— See  "Eedness  of  the 
Skin." 


498 


AFFECTIONS  OF  THE  SKIN. 


Freckles. — The  discolorations  of  the  skin  known  as 
"freckles  "  may  be  caused  by  exposure  to  the  sun,  or  by 
disorders  of  the  internal  organs.  When  caused  by  the 
action  of  the  sun,  a  very  simple  but  effective  remedy  is 
to  touch  them  with  nitre  (saltpetre)  moistened  with 
water  and  applied  with  the  finger.  Apply  three  times  a 
day,  and  it  will  remove  them  without  further  trouble. 
A  good  wash  for  freckles,  which  should  be  applied  five 
or  six  times  a  day,  is  saturated  solution  of  borax  and 
rose  water.  When  the  freckles  are  caused  by  disorders 
of  the  internal  organs,  a  regular  physician  should  be 
consulted. 

Frost  Bites. — For  these  the  part  attacked  should 
be  rubbed  in  snow  and  then  in  very  cold  water.  Then 
cold,  dry  flannels  should  be  applied.  The  theory  is,  that 
the  circulation  should  be  restored  slowly.  To  apply 
heat  is  a  very  dangerous  operation,  and  may  cause 
serious  inflammation.  For  slight  frost  bites,  very  bene- 
ficial results  often  follow  from  putting  the  part  affected 
in  strong  salt  and  water  for  twenty  or  thirty  minutes. 
If  soreness  follows  frost  bites,  treat  as  for  burns  and 
scalds. 

Greasiness  of  the  Skin. — This  complaint  is  quite 
common,  and  is  usually  caused  by  want  of  tone  in  the 
sebaceous  glands,  so  that  they  secrete  abnormal  quan- 
tities of  oily  matter  in  excess  of  their  natural  use.  The 
general  hygienic  treatment  is  very  important  in  this  as 
in  other  skin  diseases.  Among  the  more  important 
directions  are  to  abstain  from  rich  foods,  and  eat  plenty 
of  fruit  in  the  morning  to  act  as  a  laxative,  and  also  eat 
green  foods,  like  dandelion,  etc.,  in  their  season,  and 
also  drink  some  of  the  saline  mineral  waters.  Vapor 
baths,  and  douche  baths,  tepid  or  cold,  according  to  the 
season  of  the  year,  out-door  exercise,  and  avoiding  hot, 
crowded  rooms,  are  important.     Friction  with  flesh 


AFFECTIONS  OF  THE  SKIN. 


499 


gloves,  electric  brushes,  and  local  steaming  are  all 
useful. 

For  local  application,  when  the  oiliness  of  the  skin 
is  excessive,  one  of  the  best  lotions  is  the  following: 

Take  of  sulphate  of  zinc  two  grains, 

Compound  tincture  of  lavender  eight  minims. 

Distilled  water  one  ounce. 

Mix,  and  apply  two  or  three  times  a  day.  In  some 
cases  the  excessive  greasiness  of  the  skin  will  prevent 
the  beneficial  effect  of  the  lotion,  and  in  such  cases  it 
should  be  rubbed  with  a  soft  cloth,  wet  with  benzine, 
before  applying  the  preparation.  This  will  clean  the 
cuticle,  so  that  it  can  be  acted  on  by  the  remedy. 

Another  remedy,  not  quite  so  strong  as  the  other,  is 
made  by  pouring  one-half  pint  of  w^hite-wine  vinegar  on 
one  ounce  of  dried  rose-leaves  and  letting  it  stand  for  a 
week.  Then  strain,  and  add  one-half  pint  of  rose  water. 
The  leaves  may  be  thrown  away.  The  face  may  be 
dabbed  with  the  corner  of  a  napkin  which  has  been  wet 
in  this  lotion,  or  it  may  be  diluted  by  putting  about  a 
tablespoonful  into  a  cupful  of  rain  water.  For  other 
similar  lotions,  see  the  toilet  vinegars  which  we  give  in 
the  chapter  on  the  complexion. 

Hard  and  Stippled  Skin.— Many  ladies  are  greatly 
annoyed  with  a  stippled  skin,  which  affects  mainly  the 
cheeks  and  nose.  The  skin  appears  coarse  and  hard.  It 
is  said  this  may  be  cured  by  wearing,  each  night,  while 
in  bed,  a  mask  of  quilted  cotton,  wet  in  cold  water.  By 
this  method  it  will  take  patience  and,  probably,  six 
weeks  time  to  accomplish  the  desired  result.  Poultices 
of  bread  and  asses'  milk  were  much  used  and  lauded 
for  this  purpose  by  the  ladies  of  ancient  Rome.  But 
water  alone  is  all  that  is  needed.  A  small  dose  of  tar- 
axacum (dandelion)  taken  every  other  night  (say  a 


500 


AFFECTIONS  OF  THE  SKIN. 


quantity  of  the  extract  tlie  size  of  a  bean)  is  said  to 
facilitate  the  operation.  The  face  mask  (which  see) 
may  also  be  used. 

Hepatic  Spots.— See  "Masks." 

Herpes  Labialis. — This  is  an  eruption  which 
attacks  the  margin  of  the  lips,  usually  the  corners  of  the 
mouth.  It  is  well  known,  and  frequently  accompanies 
a  cold  in  the  head.  The  cure  is  a  light  diet,  and  a  dose 
or  two  of  some  cathartic,  if  needed.  The  sores  may  be 
anointed  with  the  following  ointment:  Take  of  sper- 
maceti ointment  one-half  ounce,  oxide  of  zinc  thirty 
grains,  and  attar  of  roses  one  drop.  Mix. 

Hives. — When  these  are  caused  by  eating  any 
article  of  food,  it  should  be  discontinued,  of  course. 
Some  mild  laxative  should  be  given — preferably,  some 
of  the  aperient  mineral  waters.  The  itching  may  almost 
invariably  be  allayed  by  bathing  the  skin  in  warm,  soft 
water,  containing  about  a  tablespoonful  of  baking  soda 
to  the  quart  of  water, 

"  Horny  "  or  Thickened  Skin. — Any  part  of  the 
skin  which  is  subject  to  friction,  like  the  hands  of  an 
oarsman  or  a  laborer,  will  be  protected  by  an  increased 
growth.  It  is  Nature's  way  of  protecting  the  part,  and 
while  the  friction  is  kept  up  the  additional  skin  should 
not  be  removed.  It  may  be  removed  at  any  time  by 
soaking  the  part  in  warm  water  and  then  rubbing  it 
down  with  pumice  stone.  Repeat  daily  until  the  skin 
becomes  tender.    Also,  rub  in  a  little  glycerine. 

Irritable  Skin. — See  "  Sensitive  Skin." 

Itch. — This  affection  is  caused  by  a  minute  insect,  the 
Acarus  or  Sarcoptes  scahiei^  which  gets  under  the  skin. 
It  is  communicated  by  contact  with  those  affected  with 
the  complaint. 

The  treatment  consists  in  killing  the  insect  by 
smearing  the  parts  affected  with  an  ointment  which 


MADAME  de  STAEL. 
(501) 


AFFECTIONS  OF  THE  SKIN. 


503 


will  accomplish  the  purpose.  An  effectual  application 
is  to  dissolve  one-half  ounce  of  glycerine  and  one 
drachm  of  carbolic  acid  in  eight  ounces  of  pure  water. 
Spirits  of  turpentine  and  coal  oil  mixed,  and  applied 
as  strong  as  can  be  borne,  is  also  said  to  be  effective. 
Twenty  or  thirty  parts  of  pure  water  and  one  part 
chloride  of  lime  will  also  destroy  the  insect. 

When  cured,  the  clothing  should  be  thoroughly 
disinfected  by  subjecting  it  to  a  temperature  of  not  less 
than  180^  (boil  them  or  apply  a  hot  iron),  or  disinfect 
by  fumigating  them  in  the  fumes  of  a  burning  rag  which 
has  been  dipped  in  melted  sulphur. 

Barber^ s  Itch,  which  occurs  on  the  hairy  part  of  the 
face,  should  be  treated  by  keeping  the  hair  clipped 
close  with  scissors  (do  not  shave)  and  bathing  the  part 
often  with  castile  soap  and  warm  water.  Two  or  three 
times  a  day  apply  the  carbolic  acid  ointment  recom- 
mended for  the  true  itch.  If  this  fails  (it  rarely  will) 
consult  a  physician. 

Itching  of  the  Skin. — When  not  caused  by  some 
affection,  like  hives,  nettle-rash  or  itch,  this  may  result 
from  a  clogging  of  the  pores  through  a  neglect  of  clean- 
liness, or  from  languid  circulation,  or  other  causes  we 
need  not  mention  here.  When  it  is  caused  by  any  of 
the  skin  affections  it  should  be  treated  as  we  recom- 
mend for  those  complaints.  When  caused  by  languid 
circulation,  a  tepid  bath  should  be  taken,  followed  by 
vigorous  friction.  If  a  clogging  of  the  pores  through 
a  neglect  of  cleanliness  is  the  cause,  the  pores  should 
be  opened  by  taking  a  warm  bath  and  applying  friction 
to  thoroughly  cleanse  and  stimulate  the  skin. 

Looseness  of  the  Skin. — See  ''Flabby  Skin.  " 
Ivy  Poisoning. — Poisoning  by  this  plant  is  not 
uncommon,  and  some  people  are  particularly  susceptible 
to  its  influence,  while  to  others  it  seems  to  be  harmless. 


504  AFFECTIONS  OF  THE  SKIN. 

Poison  dogwood,  or  poison  sumach  also  poisons  many 
people,  much  like  the  ivy.  Those  who  are  susceptible 
to  their  influence  should  of  course  avoid  contact  with 
these  plants  as  much  as  possible.  One  very  simple  and 
often  effectual  remedy  is  to  bathe  the  parts  affected  in 
a  solution  of  four  ounces  of  bi- carbonate  of  soda  (com- 
mon baking  soda)  in  three  pints  of  water.  Sulphate 
of  soda  will  often  effect  a  cure,  and  so  also  will  common 
washing  soda.  Another  excellent  remedy  is  to  mix 
one-half  ounce  of  sulphate  of  zinc  in  eight  ounces  ot 
olive  oil ;  shake  well,  and  apply  on  soft  cloths.  Usually 
two  applications  will  be  enough.  Still  another  excellent 
remedy  for  the  "  poison  dogwood  "  is  to  take  ten  grains 
of  carbolic  acid,  two  drachms  of  boric  acid  ( powdered ) 
and  one  ounce  of  vaseline.  Mix,  and  apply  two  or  three 
times  a  day. 

Mask,  Moth -Spots,  Morphew,  Patches  and 
Hepatic  Spots. — These  are  various  names  applied  to 
discolorations  of  the  face,  caused  by  a  condition  of  the 
liver.  Taraxacum  (dandelion)  is  often  given,  but  it  is 
usually  best  to  consult  a  physician  before  taking  medi- 
cine. For  local  application  the  following  are  given: 
Take  eight  ounces  of  rose  water,  and  thirty  grains  of 
the  chlorate  of  potash.  Mix,  and  wash  the  face  with  it. 
Another  is  two  drachms  of  sub-carbonate  of  soda,  two 
ounces  of  fresh  lard,  and  two  drachms  of  balsam  of 
Peru.  Mix,  and  apply  to  the  face.  The  first  of  these 
preparations  is  best  for  moth  patches,  as  the  colored 
deposit  in  the  skin  is  more  or  less  soluble  in  alkalies. 
It  is  important  in  these  complaints  to  aid  the  action  of 
the  liver  by  out-door  exercise  and  keeping  the  bowels 
regular.  Eich  and  greasy  food  should  be  avoided,  and 
fruit  and  fresh  vegetables  of  all  kinds  eaten  freely. 

Moles. — These  are  deposits  of  pigment  in  the  sul^- 
stance  of  the  skin.    They  commonly  date  from  birlJ 


AFFECTIONS  OF  THE  SKIN. 


505 


and  are  usually  studded  with  long  hairs.  The  following 
formula  will  be  found  serviceable : 

Take  of  calcinm  chloride  one  ounce. 

Water  two  ounces.  Mix. 

Eub  this  in  every  night,  and  each  morning  apply  the 
following: 

Take  of  bitter  almond  emulsion. . .  .one  ounce, 

Subnitrate  of  bismuth  one  ounce. 

Calcium  chloride  one-half  ounce. 

Oatmeal  water  two  and  one-half  ounces.  Mix. 

This  remedy  is  really  an  escharotic,  and  if  applied 
to  a  large  mole  would  possibly  cause  a  large  sore.  It 
might  be  tried  on  small  moles,  but  large  ones  are  like 
warts — best  treated  by  the  electric  needle.  We  would 
advise  those  whose  faces  are  disfigured  by  large  excres- 
ences  of  this  kind  to  try  its  use.  The  operation  is  not 
painful,  and  it  leaves  no  scar  as  is  often  done  by  the 
use  of  strong  acids,  etc. 

Muddy  and  Sallow  Skin.— The  "muddy"  tinge 
which  appears  in  some  complexions  is  said  to  have  been 
long  and  successfully  treated  by  a  celebrated  London 
physician  with  lotions  of  citric  acid.  The  following 
lotion  will  accomplish  the  same  result:  Take  one  pint 
of  pure  soft  water,  one  wineglassful  of  fresh  lemon 
juice,  and  mix  well,  and  add  a  few  drops  of  attar  of  roses. 
Keep  in  a  tightly  corked  bottle.  Apply  nightly,  rubbing 
in  a  little. 

Another  lotion,  recommended  for  those  who  have  a 
scrofulous  taint,  is  the  following,  which  should  be 
applied  with  a  sponge  daily:  Take  two  drachms  of 
iodide  of  potassium,  one  ounce  of  glycerine,  and  one 
pint  of  rain  Avater.    Mix  well. 

Nettle  Stings.— See  "Bites  and  Stings." 


506  AFFECTIONS  OF  THE  SKIN. 

Nettle-rash. — This  affection  takes  its  name  from 
its  resemblance  to  the  appearance  of  the  skin  after 
having  been  stung  by  a  nettle.  It  is  often  caused  by 
indigestion,  or  eating  some  food  like  lobster,  preserved 
meats  or  other  articles  which  disagree  with  the  patient. 
The  treatment  is  to  remove  the  cause  —  avoid  any 
particular  article  of  food  to  which  it  can  be  traced* 
Some  laxative  should  be  given  (the  cathartic  mineral 
waters,  like  Hunyadi  Janos,  are  best  for  this  purpose, 
especially  if  the  disease  appears  in  summer),  followed 
by  doses  of  soda  or  magnesia.  To  allay  the  irritation 
or  itching,  relief  may  nearly  always  be  obtained  by 
bathing  in  warm  water  in  which  soda  has  been  dissolved, 
or  apply  a  lotion  made  of  twenty  grains  of  carbonate  of 
soda,  two  teaspoonfuls  of  glycerine,  and  rose  water 
sufficient  to  make  six  ounces.  Do  not  try  to  suppress 
the  eruption,  least  it  lead  to  more  serious  trouble. 

Pallid  Skin. — This  is  an  indication,  usually,  of 
debility.  It  may  be  occasioned  by  loss  of  blood,  or 
other  vital  fluids,  insufficient  supply  of  food  or  oxygen, 
or  from  dissipation,  over-study,  or  any  excess.  These 
cases  can  generally  be  easily  cured  by  a  proper  course 
of  hygienic  living  and  a  few  remedies  properly  admin- 
istered. For  local  treatment,  cold  bathing,  followed  by 
friction,  is  recommended,  and  for  the  cheeks  the 
following:  Take  one  ounce  of  dilute  liquid  of  ammonia, 
two  ounces  of  glycerine,  and  four  ounce?  of  pure  water. 
Mix,  and  apply  for  about  three  minutes  each  day> 
working  well  into  the  skin.  Afterwards  rub  with  a  soft 
towel  for  three  or  four  minutes.  Double  the  glycerine 
if  the  skin  becomes  irritated  by  the  process.  If  medi- 
cine is  needed,  consult  a  physian. 

Pimples. — These  eruptions  may  occur  on  the  face, 
or  they  may  cover  the  whole  body.  They  are  usually 
an  indication  that  the  system  is  out  of  order,  and  should 


AFFECTIONS  OP  THE  SKIN. 


507 


rather  be  treated  by  proper  diet  and  remedies  than  by 
local  application.  Eat  plain,  nourishing  and  simple 
food,  and  abstain  from  such  things  as  pork,  buckwheat 
and  coffee,  and  eat  fruit  and  acids;  bathe  frequently, 
and  occasionally  in  saleratus  water,  to  keep  the  pores  of 
the  skin  open;  take,  daily,  some  active  exercise,  and  be 
regular  in  the  habits.  These  are  the  best  general  direc- 
tions. Special  disorders  must  be  prescribed  for  and 
treated  by  some  competent  physician.  Hard  pimples 
should  be  pricked,  the  matter  pressed  out,  and  the  spot 
then  bathed  with  a  wash  made  of  glycerine,  one  ounce ; 
rosemary-water,  one-half  ounce;  carbolic  acid,  twenty 
drops.  The  following  wash  is  recommended  for  pim- 
ples :  Take  of  spermaceti  ointment,  one  ounce ;  glycerine, 
one  drachm;  and  bi-carbonate  of  soda,  thirty-six  grains- 
Mix,  and  apply  to  the  face,  letting  it  remain  for  fifteen 
minutes.  Then,  with  a  soft  cloth,  wipe  off  all  but  a  thin 
film. 

Prickly  Heat. — In  warm  weather,  sensitive  skins 
are  sometimes  affected  with  this  complaint.  Cooling 
lotions  may  be  applied.  A  good  lotion  for  the  purpose 
is:  Two  teaspoonfuls  of  baking  soda  in  half  a  pint  of 
pure  water.  The  burning  sensations  may  sometimes  be 
relieved  by  bathing  in  vinegar  and  water.  Another 
excellent  application  is  the  lotion  we  have  before  recom- 
mended, consisting  of  twenty  drops  of  dilute  carbolic 
acid;  glycerine,  one  ounce;  and  rosemary  water,  one-half 
ounce.  Mix.  This  is  also  good  for  hives  or  nettle  rash. 
The  dilute  carbolic  acid  should  be  used,  as  the  pure 
Avould  be  too  strong. 

Perspiration  (Profuse  and  Offensive).— The  glands 
of  the  skin  which,  in  the  form  of  perspiration,  throw  off 
effete  organic  products,  perform  a  function  which  is 
absolutely  essential  to  the  maintenance  of  health.  Some 
persons,  however,  are  much  troubled  with  profuse  and 


508  AFFECTIONS  OF  THE  SKIN. 


offensive  perspiration  under  the  arms,  on  the  soles  of 
the  feet,  etc.  This  odor,  as  well  as  the  tendency  to 
excessive  secretion,  may  be  checked  by  the  use  of  boracic 
acid.  Put  one  part  of  boracic  acid  in  twenty  parts  of 
water,  and  wash  the  affected  parts  therewith.  Also,  in 
its  powdered  form,  this  acid  is  innocuous,  and  will  not 
irritate  abraded  surfaces,  so  that  it  is  much  better  than 
most  of  the  preparations  recommended.  Pulverized 
boracic  acid,  mixed  with  starch,  makes  an  excellent 
powder  for  arresting  fetid  perspiration,  when  dusted  on 
the  skin  or  on  the  clothing,  under  the  arms,  on  the  feet, 
etc. 

The  following  washes  are  also  excellent  for  bathing 
parts  troubled  with  excessive  perspiration: 

Take  of  alum  one  ounce. 

Glycerine  one  ounce. 

Pure  water  ten  ounces.  Mix. 

Or, 

Take  of  dilute  spirits  of  ammonia —  one  ounce. 

Glycerine  ,  two  ounces. 

Pure  water  three  ounces.  Mix. 

Bathe  the  affected  parts  with  one  of  these  prepara- 
tions night  and  morning,  change  the  clothing  frequently, 
and  air  each  article  thoroughly  on  taking  it  off,  and 
apply  friction  to  the  parts  to  stimulate  the  action  of  the 
skin.  Internal  remedies  like  taraxacum  may  be  needed 
at  times,  under  the  direction  of  a  physician. 

Redness  of  the  Skin. — Ked  spots,  with  ray-like 
blood  vessels,  sometimes  appear  on  the  nose  and  face. 
This  is  a  species  of  nsevous,  which  is  caused  by  the 
increased  growth  and  dilation  of  the  blood  vessels  of  the 
skin.  It  can  be  cured  by  a  surgical  operation,  which 
uses  acids  and  cuts  out  the  blood  vessels;  but  this 


AFFECTIONS  OF  THE  SKIN. 


509 


operation  is  not  adapted  for  popular  use,  as  a  physician 
should  perform  it. 

Probably  the  best  treatment  at  present  ayailable, 
however,  is  by  electrolysis  —  that  is,  by  the  use  of 
electricity;  but  as  it  can  only  be  properly  applied  by  a 
skillful  operator,  we  need  not  give  details  here.  It  is, 
however,  very  effective.  The  operation  is  performed 
with  the  electric  needle  and  is  not  very  painful. 

Sometimes  redness  is  a  symptom  of  heart  and  lung 
disease,  when,  of  course,  the  primary  disease  should  be 
treated.  The  best  local  treatment  is  bathing  the  parts 
in  cold  water,  or  salt  and  water,  say  a  tablespoonful  of 
salt  in  half  a  pint  of  water,  followed  by  dry  friction  and 
the  application  of  astringent  lotions.  The  following  will 
be  of  service:  One  ounce  of  chloride  of  lime  in  twelve 
ounces  of  warm  water.  Another  excellent  astringent 
lotion  is :  One  drachm  of  sulphate  of  iron  in  one  ounce 
of  pure  water.  Bathe  the  affected  part  two  or  three 
times  a  day.  A  simple  astringent,  which  should  not  be 
used  on  pale  skins,  as  it  leaves  a  temporary  stain,  but 
which  may  be  applied  to  dark  skins,  where  it  will  be 
little  noticed,  is  the  following:  Tannin,  one  drachm; 
infusion  of  catechu,  one  ounce;  and  decoction  of  oak 
bark,  one  ounce.    Mix.   Apply  two  or  three  times  daily. 

Flushing  of  the  face,  nose  and  ears  is  probably  more 
often  caused  by  tight  lacing  than  anything  else.  In 
such  cases,  the  first  thing  to  do  is  evident.  Hot  drinks, 
like  tea  and  coffee,  cause  flushing  with  some  people,  and 
should  be  avoided  by  them.  Indigestion  is  another  * 
cause  of  transitory  burning  and  suffusion  of  the  face. 
Bathing  the  face  in  very  hot  water,  or  putting  the  hands 
and  feet  in  cold  water,  will  sometimes  check  flushing. 
Eating  rapidly,  and  exercising  the  brain  actively  by 
reading  or  writing  when  eating,  is  another  cause  of  this 
trouble.   School-girls  who  study  hard,  without  taking 


510 


AFFECTIONS  OF  THE  SKIN. 


sufficient  exercise,  are  sometimes  troubled  with  flushing 
of  the  face.  It  should  be  treated  by  hot  baths,  regular 
and  abundant  sleep  and  exercise. 

Frequent  exposure  to  inclement  weather  will  often 
produce  contraction  of  the  small  veins,  and  the  blood, 
forcing  its  way  through  the  least  resisting  vessels, 
dilates  them  and  gives  the  skin  a  color  between  crimson 
and  purple.  The  treatment  is,  to  remove  the  cause,  if 
possible.  Then  wash  the  face  twice  daily  in  warm 
water,  followed  by  rubbing.  Dry  friction  with  a  soft 
towel  should  be  practiced  freely,  and  some  of  the  astrin- 
gent lotions  previously  recommended  may  be  used. 

Those  who  are  much  addicted  to  the  pleasures  of  the 
table  acquire  a  peculiar,  purplish-colored  skin.  The 
treatment  is,  to  adopt  a  plain  and  healthy  style  of  living. 
But  the  bloated  appearance  of  the  skin  may  be  lessened 
somewhat  by  applying  a  wash  made  of  five  ounces  of 
milk,  two  ounces  of  chalk,  and  one  ounce  of  glycerine. 

The  "  cauliflower  nose,"  which  marks  the  drunkard 
and  glutton,  is  best  treated  by  means  of  surgery,  but  it 
may  be  somewhat  relieved  by  frequent  bathing  of  the 
part  in  cold  water,  followed  by  dry  friction  and  by  each 
night  rubbing  well  into  the  skin  the  following: 

Take  of  iodide  of  potassium  thirty  grains. 

Bromide  of  potassium .  thirty  grains. 
'Extract  of  belladonna .  eighty  grains. 
Lard  one  and  one-quarter  ounces.  Mix. 

Phenyl,  rubbed  on  frequently  each  day,  is  beneficial 
for  redness  of  the  nose. 

Erysipelatous  inflammations  may  be  cooled,  and  the 
redness  reduced,  by  applying  a  paste  made  by  taking 
one-third  glycerine  and  two-thirds  water,  and  mixing  in 
chalk  until  it  is  thick. 

Ringworm  or  Sycosis.— This  affection  is  caused 
by  a  parasite  which  attacks  the  hairy  part  of  the  face. 


ivIiSS  FRANCES  E,  W.LLARD 
(511) 


APFZCTIOXS  or  THE  SKIN. 


513 


The  treatment  is,  to  cut  the  hair  close,  or  share  it  from 
the  affected  parts.  Wash  them  in  warm  water,  to 
remove  the  scabs.  Apyjly  twice  each  day,  with  a  camel's- 
hair  pencil,  a  weak  solution  of  sulphurous  {not  sulphuric) 
acid,  say  one  part  of  dilute  sulphurous  acid  to  three 
parts  of  soft  water,  after  which  the  following  preparation 
may  be  rubbed  over  the  spot:  Take  one  ounce  of 
common  cream,  two  ounces  of  white  wax.  one  ounce  of 
spermaceti,  and  one  ounce  of  glycerine.  Melt  the  wax 
and  spermaceti,  and  then  mix  in  the  other  ingredients 
thoroughly. 

Sallow  Skin.— See    Muddy  Skin." 

Scalds. — See  '''Burns  and  Scalds.*' 

Scalp,  Tenderness  oL  See  our  chapter  on  "  The 
Hair." 

Scars. — T\'hen  the  scar  is  located  over  a  bony  promi- 
nence, rub  in  olive  oil  once  a  day  and  then  try  and 
break  down  any  adhesions  which  may  exist,  by  moving 
the  skin  backward  and  forward  with  the  fingers.  H 
there  are  no  adhesions,  or  when  this  treatment  has 
broken  them  up,  use  the  following  formula:  Take  one 
pint  of  milk,  one  ounce  of  carbonate  of  soda,  one  ounce 
of  glycerine,  one-half  ounce  of  powdered  borax.  Mix, 
and  rub  in  a  portion  once  each  day.  Then  stretch  the 
margins  apart,  and  fix  them  so  by  means  of  adhesive 
plaster, 

When  the  cicatrix  rises  above  the  surrounding  skin, 
use.  in  addition  to  the  foregoing,  one  ounce  of  glycerine 
and  twenty  grains  of  iodide  of  sulphur.  Mix,  and  use 
twice  a  day. 

Scratches.  —  Tery  ugly  scratches  are  sometimes 
made  by  rusty  nails,  cats,  pins,  etc.,  which,  if  neglected, 
may  fester.  The  best  treatment  is  to  wash  them  as 
soon  after  the  injury  as  possible  with  carbolic  acid  and 
water.    Then  cover  the  injury  with  collodion. 


514 


AFFECTIONS  OF  THE  SKIN. 


Water  will  only  dissolve  or  mix  with  live  per  cent. 
o£  carbolic  acid,  and  if  more  is  added  it  falls  to  the 
bottom  and  remains  as  globules  of  pure  acid.  The 
safest  rule  for  using  the  acid  is  to  add  sufficient  to  give 
its  odor  and  taste  to  the  solution  merely.  This  is 
sufficient,  and  in  this  amount  it  has  the  cooling  and 
sedative  action  of  the  acid  on  the  skin. 

Sensitive  or  Thin  Skin.— Some  people  have 
such  sensitive  or  thin  skins  that  they  cannot  bear  to 
have  any  rough  substance  touch  them,  and  they  cannot 
wear  flannels  nor  sleep  in  woolen  blankets.  Sometimes 
the  least  irritation  will  cause  blisters,  and  the  patient 
is  subject  to  many  discomforts.  In  such  cases  the  use 
of  pork,  cheese,  alcohol  and  rich  food  should  be  avoided, 
and  the  laws  of  hygiene  observed.  Bathing  the  skin 
with  salt  and  water,  or  alum  and  water,  will  sometimes 
afford  much  relief;  or  some  application  may  be  used  to 
thicken  and  harden  the  epidermis  like  the  following: 

Take  of  rectified  spirits  two  ounces. 

Glycerine  one  ounce. 

Pure  water  two  ounces.  Mix. 

Bathe  the  skin  with  this  once  a  day.  The  same 
proportions  may  be  used  for  other  quantities. 

Smallpox  Pitting.  —  By  covering  the  pustules 
with  flexible  collodion  during  the  disease  pitting  may 
be  prevented.  To  remove  the  pits  when  they  have 
occurred,  wash  the  face  every  day  in  warm  water  for 
some  minutes,  and  then  rub  it  with  a  soft  towel  until  it 
is  all  aglow.  Before  retiring  to  rest  the  ridges  between 
the  pits  may  be  painted  with  a  strong  solution  of  iodide 
of  potassium,  and  each  morning  wash  the  face  with  the 
following:  Take  of  dilute  spirit  of  ammonia,  one  ounce; 
glycerine,  two  ounces;  and  water,  three  ounces.  Mix. 

The  skin  may  also  be  softened  by  applying  glycerine 
during  the  day.  Patience  wil  1  usually  effect  improvement. 


AFFECTxOXS  OF  THE  SKIN. 


515 


Stains. — Analine  Stains  (that  is  the  stains  from 
analine  dyes)  can  be  remoTed  by  rubbing  them  with 
ammonia.  Do  not  use  soap  on  the  hands  before  using 
the  ammonia,  nor  for  a  short  time  thereafter. 

Fruit  Stains  may  be  removed,  it  is  said,  by  first 
wetting  the  hands  in  clear  water  and  then  holding  them 
in  the  fumes  of  burning  sulphur,  or  sulphur  matches. 

Gunpowder  Stains  may  be  removed  by  applying  a 
preparation  of  eight  parts  of  olive  oil  to  one  part  of 
water.  When  burned  with  gunpowder,  if  the  individual 
grains  are  embedded  in  the  skin,  they  should  be  picked 
out  with  a  needle. 

Ink  Stains  may  be  removed  by  an  application  of 
oxalic  acid  (which  is  a  strong  poison,  and  should  be 
used  and  guarded  carefully)  or  very  dilute  sulphuric 
acid.  When  oxalic  or  sulphuric  acids  are  used,  the 
skin  should  not  be  touched  with  soap  for  several  hours 
afterwards. 

Iron  Mold. — Treat  in  the  same  way  as  fruit  stains. 

Nitrate  of  Silver  Stains  may  be  removed  by  apply- 
ng  chloride  of  lime,  or  .a  strong  solution  of  iodide  of 
potassium. 

Tar  may  be  removed  from  the  hands  by  cutting  it 
with  oil  (olive  oil  is  good  for  the  purpose)  or  grease, 
and  then  washing  them  with  soap  and  water. 

Stings.— See  "  Bites  and  Stings." 

Stippled  Skin.— See  "  Hard  Skin." 

Sunburn,  etc. — A  good  application  for  sunburn  is 
to  bathe  the  affected  parts  frequently  with  a  solution  of 
equal  parts  of  lime-juice  and  olive  oil.  Another  good 
preparation  is  the  following  : 

Take  of  dilute  spirits  of  ammonia  one  ounce. 

Glycerine  two  ounces. 

Distilled  water  three  ounces. 

Mix,  and  apply  at  night  to  the  burn. 


516 


AFFECTIONS  OF  THE  SKIN. 


Those  who  are  much  exposed  to  the  sun  in  summer 
will  sometimes  find  the  skin  becoming  irritable  and 
inflamed,  as  well  as  sunburned,  and  this  can  be  cured  by 
applying  the  following  wash  twice  a  day: 

Take  of  carbonate  of  soda . . .  one  ounce. 

Oatmeal  water  one-half  pint. 

Milk  one-half  pint.  Mix. 

Exposure  to  the  wind  when  yachting,  at  excursions 
and  so  on,  will  often  produce  a  roughness  of  the  skin, 
which  may  be  cured  by  applying  glycerine  or  cold 
cream  (see  our  formula  for  making  the  latter)  at  night, 
and  washing  it  off  with  pure  soap  in  the  morning.  If 
the  face,  neck,  hands  and  arms  are  rubbed  with  almond 
oil  or  cold  cream  before  going  out  into  the  wind  and 
sun,  their  disagreeable  effects  may  be  prevented. 

Sycosis. — See  "Eingworm." 

Tan. — This  may  be  treated  by  the  use  of  lemon- 
juice  or  horse-radish.  A  good  preparation,  which 
should  be  applied  to  the  face  night  and  morning,  and 
the  skin  then  wiped  with  a  soft  towel,  is  to  take  equal 
parts  of  lemon-juice,  rose-water  and  rectified  spirits,  mix 
them  together,  and  the  next  day  decant  the  clear  portion 
and  strain  it  through  muslin.  Magnesia,  wet  with  clear 
rain  water,  and  worked  to  a  thick  paste,  is  said  to  act 
very  quickly.  Apply  it  to  the  face,  let  it  stay  two  or 
three  minutes,  and  wash  it  off  with  warm  soft  water  and 
castile  soap,  rinsing  the  face  thoroughly. 

As  a  word  of  caution  to  our  readers,  we  would  sug- 
gest that,  should  any  of  these  preparations,  when  applied, 
produce  much  pain  or  smarting,  they  should  be  reduced 
in  strength  by  adding  pure  rain  water,  before  using 
again.  The  sensibility  of  the  skin  differs  with  different 
persons,  that  of  brunettes,  as  a  rule,  being  much  the 
least  sensitive.  The  application,  to  be  beneficial,  should 
not  produce  much  pain. 


AFFECTIONS  OF  THE  SKIN. 


517 


Tattoo  Marks. — The  best  treatment  we  know  for 
these  is  to  first  wash  the  part  thoroughly  with  common 
dilute  acetic  acid.  Half  an  hour  later  apply  a  wash 
made  by  dissolving  four  grains  of  caustic  potash  in  one 
ounce  of  water.  Wait  another  half-hour,  and  then  apply 
a  wash  made  by  mixing  one  drachm  of  dilute  hydro- 
chloric acid  in  one  ounce  of  water.  Eepeat  this  operation 
once  each  day. 

Thin  Skin.— See  "  Sensitive  Skin." 

Varicose  Veins.— When  these  appear  on  the  brow 
they  are  usually  owing  to  either  bending  the  head,  as  in 
study,  or  over  the  fire,  as  in  cooking,  or  to  the  wearing 
of  ill-fitting  hats.  The  first  step  in  curing  them  is 
obvious,  which  is — to  remove  the  cause.  Then  bathe 
the  parts  in  cold  water,  with  friction,  and,  on  retiring  at 
night,  fasten  an  elastic  band  three  inches  wide  around 
the  head. 

Varicose  veins  in  the  legs  may  be  caused  by  standing 
about  without  sufficient  exercise  to  promote  the  circula- 
tion. The  legs  and  feet  should  then  be  bandaged  (a 
rubber  bandage  is  now  made  and  sold  for  this  purpose, 
which  it  fills  admirably),  and  the  legs  and  feet  should 
be  bathed  daily  in  cold  water,  and  friction  applied /?"om 
the  feet  upward.  With  the  arms,  when  thus  affected,  a 
similar  treatment  should  be  adopted.  When,  however, 
the  cause  is  debility,  or  other  constitutional  cause,  like 
heart  or  liver  disease,  internal  remedies  will  be  required, 
and  a  physician  should  be  consulted. 

Warts. — These  usually  appear  on  the  hands  and 
faces  of  children.  When  large  and  pendant,  a  silk  thread 
may  be  tied  tightly  around  the  base  of  the  wart,  and  it  will 
then  shrivel  and  drop  off.  Another  and  probably  much 
better  ligature  than  the  thread  is  a  fine  rubber  band. 
The  ends  may  be  secured  by  tying  them  with  a  thread. 
After  the  first  few  moments  it  is  painless,  and  is  very 


518 


AFFECTIONS  OF  THE  SKIN. 


rapid  in  its  operation.  This  is  especially  adapted  to 
very  large  warts.  Smaller  warts  may  be  treated  by 
applying  strong  soda  and  water  for  a  few  days,  and  then 
painting  them  with  ^ethereal  tincture  of  tannin.  As  the 
vitality  of  the  warty  growths  is  much  less  than  that  of 
the  healthy  surrounding  tissues,  alkaline  remedies  may 
be  safely  continued  until  the  warts  are  destroyed.  Strong 
carbolic  acid,  applied  carefully  to  the  wart  with  a  camel' s- 
hair  brush,  three  or  four  times  a  day,  will  usually  cure 
them  in  a  week  or  two;  or,  having  covered  the  skin 
around  the  wart  carefully  with  wax  or  tallow  (a  reason- 
ably thick  coat),  a  drop  or  two  of  nitric  acid  or  hydro- 
chloric acid  may  be  applied.  Then  keep  the  part 
covered  until  the  scab  comes  off.  This  last  operation  is 
liable,  however,  to  leave  a  scar  which  may,  if  on  the 
face,  be  almost  as  disfiguring  as  the  wart.  The  milder 
method,  with  soda  and  tannin,  should  therefore  be  tried 
first.  Warts  which  disfigure  the  face,  and  which  do  not 
yield  to  the  milder  remedies,  can  usually  be  removed  by 
electrolysis  (use  of  electricity),  without  any  of  the  danger 
of  disfigurement  which  attends  the  use  of  acids,  and  we 
would  recommend  its  use  to  our  readers.  It  can  be 
applied  by  a  physician. 

Wrinkles. — With  advancing*  years  there  comes  a 
time  when  wrinkles  begin  to  appear,  caused  by  the 
wasting  away  of  the  sub-cutaneous  fat,  leaving  the  skin 
to  pucker  and  fall  into  furrows  and  ridges.  The  hand 
of  time  cannot  be  stayed,  and  the  bodily  powers  cannot 
be  prevented  from  going  to  decay,  but  something  may 
be  done  to  prevent  their  premature  decay  and  to  tem- 
porarily ward  off  these  tell-tale  signs  of  approaching 
age.  A  well  ordered  life,  a  cheerful  and  hopeful 
frame  of  mind,  and  a  hygienic  and  tonic  course  of 
living,  may  do  much  to  save  the  freshness  of  the  skin^ 
while  grief,  care  and  dissipation  will  stamp  their  lines 


AFFECTIONS  OF  THE  SKIN. 


519 


on  the  face.  One  of  the  best  local  treatments  consists 
in  bathing  the  skin  frequently  in  cold  water,  and  then 
rubbing  with  a  towel  until  the  flesh  is  aglow.  A  little 
bran  added  to  the  water  is  a  decided  improvement. 
This  treatment  stimulates  the  functions  of  the  skin  and 
gives  it  vigor.  The  wrinkling  may  be  further  remedied 
by  washing  the  parts  three  times  a  day  with  either  of 
the  following  washes:  . 

Take  of  alum  two  drachms. 

Glycerine  two  ounces. 

Water  one  quart.  Mix. 

Or, 

Take  of  Glycerine  four  drachms. 

Tannin  two  drachms. 

Rectified  spirits  two  drachms. 

Water  eight  ounces.  Mix. 

These  applications  are  astringent  and  harmless.  All 
the  preparations  of  lead  used  under  various  captivating 
names  to  conceal  wrinkles  are  poisonous,  and  they  also 
cause  and  increase  the  trouble  by  augmenting  still 
further  the  relaxed  state  of  the  skin.  Those  wrinkles 
which  cannot  be  removed  may  be  concealed  by  applying 
a  pomade  made  by  mixing  two  drachms  of  fresh  butter 
with  two  drachms  of  essence  of  turpentine  and  one 
drachm  of  mastic.  The  wrinkles  are  filled  by  this  plastic 
preparation  and  are  thereby  obliterated.  The  fashion- 
able and  costly  enameling  process  is  by  the  use  of 
a  very  similar  method  to  the  above,  and,  when  the 
complexion  is  newly  treated,  the  wrinkles  are  wholly 
obliterated. 


THE  HAIR. 


T.  PAUL  said:  "If  a  woman  have  long  hair 
it  is  a  glory  to  her."  The  hair  certainly  bears 
an  important  relation  to  beauty,  and  its  loss 
would  be  the  destruction  of  female  loveli- 
ness. In  all  nations  and  ages  its  praises 
have  been  sung.  One  author  says:  "It 
relieves  and  surrounds  happily  all  that  is 
attractive  and  beautiful  in  a  female  face; 
even  in  old  age,  it  is  one  of  the  most  forcible 
reasons  for  respect."  A  beautiful  head  of  hair  is  no 
insignificant  item  in  a  girl's  dowry.  When  the  growth 
of  hair  is  too  luxuriant  it  becomes  quite  burdensome. 
A  healthy  growth  will  not  usually  extend  below  the  waist. 
It  is  naturally  much  heavier  or  thicker  on  some  heads 
than  others.    ( See  the  illustrations  of  St.  Mary  and  Mrs. 

M  for  heavy  growths  of  good  hair. ) 

The  inherited  constitution  and  pre- disposition,  the 
temperament,  the  health,  and  accidental  circumstances, 
all  affect  the  quantity  and  quality  of  the  hair.  Ill- 
health,  mental  trouble  and  anxiety,  may  cause  the  hair 
to  fall  prematurely,  and  a  disposition  to  fret  and  worry, 
or  overstudy,  may  weaken  and  thin  it.  Persons  of  bilious 
and  sanguine  temperaments  usually  have  more  abundant 
hair  than  those  of  nervous  and  lymphatic  temperaments. 

Among  the  causes  which  injure  the  hair,  and  which 
may  be  easily  avoided,  may  be  mentioned  the  use  of 
tight-fitting  bonnets,  or  hats  which  are  impervious  to 
the  air;  the  use  of  pads,  heavy  artificial  plaits,  fringes 
and  head-dresses,  and  the  absurd  and  unhealthy  custom 

(620) 


MRS.  M  .    (Showing  Hair.) 

(521) 


THE  HAIE. 


523 


of  wearing  nightcaps;  and  to  all  our  readers  we  wonld 
say  without  hesitation, — Don't  wear  them!  The  fixing 
of  cushions,  or  padding,  to  the  scalp,  as  a  foundation  on 
which  to  build  up  a  mass  of  curls  or  twists,  is  a  pernicious 
practice,  as  it  injures  the  hair  and  the  scalp  and  may 
cause  congestion  and  headache.  Never  tie  the  hair  up 
too  tightly,  nor  use  hard  brashes,  nor  steel  hair-pins, 
nor  fine-tooth  combs.  The  latter  is  a  relic  of  barbarism 
that  should  be  abolished.  To  perpetrate  an  Irish  bull, 
it  is  only  fit  for  hunting  ( !)  and  is  not  fit  for  that!  A 
suitable  wash  for  destroying  parasites  is  better. 

The  two  important  requisites  for  keeping  the  hair 
and  ifcalp  in  a  healthy  and  vigorous  condition  are  clean- 
liness and  brushing.  There  is,  probably,  nothing  better 
for  the  scalp  and  hair  than  to  wash  them  in  soft  water 
and  ammonin.  The  latter  will  often  stimulate  its  growth 
when  everything  else  fails.  The  water  should  be  soft 
and  warm  and  contain  about  three  tablespoonfuls  of 
ammonia  to  the  basin  of  water.  Use,  also,  pure  soap  at 
the  same  time.  An  excellent  preparation  is  to  take  a 
quart  of  warm  rain-water  and  add  three  tablespoonfuls 
of  (liquid)  ammonia  and  one  teaspoonful  of  bi-carbonate 
of  soda  (baking  soda)  using  with  soap.  This  is  both 
cleansing  and  stimulating.  It  cleans  the  scalp  of  scurf, 
or  dandruff,  and  cuts  the  oil.  If  it  leaves  the  hair  dry,  that 
can  be  easily  remedied  by  applying  a  little  olive  oil  and 
rubbing  it  in  well  with  the  fingers.  ( Cold  water  should 
not  be  used,  as  frequent  showering  with  cold  water  tends 
to  thin  the  hair  and  turn  it  gray.  It  is  a  mistaken  idea 
that  cold  water  stimulates  the  hair  and  scalp. )  Wash 
the  head,  in  this  way,  thoroughly  once  a  week,  and  then 
dry  and  comb  it  carefully.  It  is  best  to  wash  it  at  night, 
as  it  will  then  dry  before  morning. 

Never  use  a  broken  or  jagged  comb  that  will  pull  out 
the  hair.    Use  a  soft  brush  only,  and  give  it  a  good, 


524 


THE  HAIR. 


thorough  brushing-  one  hundred  strokes,  at  least,  is 
recommended  by  one  author,  and  more  is  better — and 
brush  it  clear  to  the  ends  of  the  longest  strands.  When 
given  quickly,  this  will  only  occupy  a  few  minutes.  To 
thus  give  the  hair  a  careful  brushing,  once  a  day  regu- 
larly, or  even  twice  a  day  (night  and  morning),  will  add 
greatly  to  its  condition  and  appearance.  Begular  care 
is  better  than  spasmodic  overdoing.  Never  irritate  the 
scalp  by  hard  brushing. 

Like  all  other  living  products,  the  hair  and  scalp 
need  light  and  air.  The  Venetian  ladies  had  a  custom  of 
drawing  their  hair  through  a  crownless  hat,  and  letting 
it  stream  over  the  brim  to  dry.  Their  example 
may  well  be  followed  now,  sitting  thus  in  the  sun  for 
an  hour  at  a  time,  and  also  let  the  wind  blow  through  it 
at  times,  when  it  is  dry,  spreading  it  out  to  admit  the 
air.  Light  and  air  are  great  preservatives  and  stimu- 
lants to  the  hair.  This  sun-bath  may  be  taken  after 
washing  the  hair,  when  that  is  done  during  the  day. 

Soap-bark  is  one  of  the  best  things  with  which  to 
wash  the  hair,  and  is  undoubtedly  far  superior  to  most 
of  the  preparations  used.  The  best  way  to  use  it  is  to  put 
about  a  teaspoon ful  in  a  bowl,  and  pour  two  quarts  of 
boiling  water  over  it.  Let  it  stand  until  it  becomes 
tepid,  or  a  comfortable  warmth  for  use,  and  then,  having 
combed  the  hair  away  from  the  face,  part  it  and  scrub 
the  scalp  with  a  shampoo  brush  or  large  tooth-brush, 
dipped  in  the  preparation.  Then  part  the  hair  in  another 
place,  and  repeat  the  operation,  and  so  continue  to  part 
and  wash  until  the  whole  head  has  been  well  washed 
with  the  decoction.  It  will  lather  freely  and  clean  the 
scalp  well.  Then  rinse  the  head  and  hair  well  with 
clear,  tepid  water,  wipe  it  smoothly  without  tangling  the 
hair,  and  leave  it  down  till  dry;  or  sit  with  the  hair  fall- 
ing down  the  back  and  the  back  to  the  stove,  M^hich  will 


THE  HAIE. 


52.5 


dry  it  quickly.  Wash  the  head  thus  once  a  week,  which 
is  better  than  allowing  it  to  go  a  month  or  six  weeks,  as 
many  ladies  do,  without  washing. 

The  use  of  pomades  is  never  to  be  commended. 
Nor  should  animal  fat,  or  preparations  containing 
animal  fat  be  used-  They  are  more  apt  than  vegetable 
oils  to  collect  dirt  and  cause  the  formation  of  dandruff, 
and  they  irritate  the  cuticle  and  become  rancid.  Eancid 
oil  acts  like  a  dipilitory.  If  the  hair  is  well  brushed 
and  cared  for  nature  will  supply  all  the  lubricant 
needed;  but  if  some  oil  is  desired  on  hair  which  is  dry 
and  rough,  a  little  olive  oil  may  be  used  once  or  twice 
a  week,  but  it  should  be  well  rubbed  into  the  scalp  with 
the  fingers,  and  not  merely  rubbed  over  the  surface  of 
the  hair. 

About  once  a  month  go  over  the  hair,  and  clip  off 
all  the  forked  ends.  This  will  do  much  to  promote  its 
growth.  All  that  is  needed  is  to  clip  off  a  little — per- 
haps half  an  inch.  When  the  end  splits  or  becomes 
forked,  the  hair  ceases  to  grow  healthily. 

The  wash  of  ammonia  and  soda  previously  recom- 
mended is  peculiarly  suitable  for  fair  hair,  as  they  both 
tend  to  produce  an  auburn  hue.  Those  whose  hair 
is  dark  can  use  sub-carbonate  of  potash,  or  borax, 
beaten  up  with  the  white  of  an  egg,  and  dissolved  in 
warm  rain-water.  The  following  wash  is  excellent  at 
all  times  for  the  hair,  as  it  does  not  have  the  drying 
effect  of  soda  and  ammonia,  and  it  softens  the  scalp, 
cures  scurf  or  dandruff,  and  makes  the  hair  smooth  and 
silky.  Take  the  yelk  of  one  egg,  one  pint  of  rain-water, 
and  one  ounce  of  rosemary  spirit.  Mix  thoroughly  and 
use  warm,  rubbing  well  into  the  scalp  with  the  fingers. 
This  is  nutritive  as  well  as  cleansing,  and  may  be  used 
twice  a  week  to  advantage. 

Ladies  who  are  out  of  health  should  be  cautious 


626 


THE  HAIR. 


about  using  washes  of  cantharides  and  other  Irritants, 
designed  to  stimulate  the  growth  of  the  hair. 

Baldness.— See  "Thin  and  Falling  Hair." 

Bandoline. — See  "Curling  the  Hair"  for  a  recipe. 

Bleaching  the  Hair.— Most  of  the  agents  used  to 
bleach  hair  are  positively  injurious,  and  should  never 
be  used.  The  simplest  and  most  harmless  preparation 
for  this  purpose  is  peroxide  of  hydrogen,  sometimes 
called  "  oxygenated  water."  It  is  sold  under  many 
high-sounding  names,  but  can  be  bought  at  almost  any 
drug  store  for  a  moderate  price.  It  is  as  colorless  and 
transparent  as  pure  water.  It  should  be  kept  in  a  blue 
glass  bottle,  and  in  a  dark  place,  as  the  light  will 
decompose  it.  To  apply  it,  first  wash  the  hair  with  hot 
water  containing  the  preparation  of  soap,  ammonia, 
and  soda  previously  given.  This  is  intended  to  make 
the  hair  perfectly  clean,  as  otherwise  little  effect  will  be 
produced  by  the  liquid.  Then  dry  the  hair  thoroughly 
(this  is  quite  important),  and  apply  the  peroxide.  This 
is  best  done  with  a  tooth  brush,  going  over  the  hair 
carefully  one  strand  at  a  time,  from  the  scalp  to  the  end, 
wetting  every  part.  Another  way  is  to  wet  the  hair 
with  a  small  sponge  and  then  brush  it  with  a  soft 
brush  to  distribute  it  evenly.  The  best  time  to 
use  it  is  in  the  morning,  and,  when  practicable, 
in  the  sunlight,  leaving  the  hair  unbound  until  it  dries. 
Repeat  the  operation  on  the  second,  third  and  succeed- 
ing mornings,  until  the  desired  shade  is  reached.  The 
number  of  applications  needed  will  depend  somewhat 
on  the  natural  color  of  the  hair,  one  or  two  applications 
sufficing  for  light  hair,  and  four  or  even  six  being 
required  for  the  darker  shades.  As  the  hair  grows  out 
it  must  be  touched  up  near  the  roots  frequently  ( say  once 
a  month),  or  it  will  look  dark  and  dirty  there;  bleached 
hair  must  also  be  washed  often,  as  it  shows  dirt  plainly. 


THE  HAIE. 


527 


The  hair  to  which  this  preparation  is  best  adapted 
is  coarse,  dark  brown  hair,  which  is  inclined  to  be 
curly.  It  gives  this  a  rich  gleaming  color.  The  natural 
hue  of  the  hair  will,  however,  affect  the  operation  of  this 
agent,  and  some  shades  will  become  dull  and  faded 
looking,  and  others  a  ruddy  gold.  When  properly  used 
this  peroxide  is  harmless,  but  its  persistent  use  will 
gradually  lighten  the  hair  until  it  becomes  a  pale  flaxen 
— almost  white.  But  carried  thus  far  the  hair  will  be 
considerably  injured  and  its  vitality  impaired. 

Another  means  employed  to  accomplish  this  result 
is  by  the  use  of  strong  oxalic  acid  ( one  ounce  to  a  pint 
of  boiling  water)  which  is  applied  to  the  hair  with  a 
sponge,  after  greasing  the  skin,  which  is  done  to  protect  it 
from  the  action  of  the  acid  (it  should  act  in  five  minutes). 
Covering  the  hair  with  a  paste  made  of  powdered 
sulphur  in  water,  is  another  method  employed.  One 
should  sit  in  the  sunlight  for  several  hours  with  this  on 
the  hair.  Bi-sulphate  of  magnesia  and  lime  is  some- 
times used,  but  none  of  these  things  are  equal  to  the 
peroxide  of  hydrogen,  and  we  do  not  recommend  them. 
We  should  advise  not  to  bleach  the  hair  by  any  method. 

For  a  preparation  for  bleaching  wigs,  see  "  Wigs." 

Curling  and  Crimping  the  Hair. — To  make 
naturally  straight  hair  grow  in  curls  is  probably  impos- 
sible. The  nostrums  advertised  for  this  purpose  are 
almost  all  injurious.  Heated  irons,  unless  wrapped 
in  paper  as  a  safeguard,  are  destructive  to  the  vitality 
of  the  hair.  The  too  liberal  use  of  oils  and  hair 
washes  will  often  give  hair  a  straight  and  lank  appear- 
ance. Discontinue  their  use  and  wash  the  hair  in  soft 
water,  dry  it  carefully,  and  then,  with  a  soft  brush, 
brush  it  in  waves  instead  of  straight  lines.  This  will 
relieve  the  stiff  and  lank  appearance,  if  properly  done. 
Among  the  simplest  and  best  things  to  use  on  the  hair 


528 


THE  HAIR. 


are  glycerine  and  the  yelk  of  an  egg  Another  practical 
and  simple  application  is  to  dissolve  twelve  grains  of 
carbonate  of  potash  in  a  pint  of  warm  water,  and  theii 
whip  it  up  with  pure  soap  until  a  strong  suds  is  made, 
and  then  moisten  every  part  of  the  hair  with  it  at  night 
before  retiring.  Do  it  up  in  curl  papers,"  and  when  they 
are  removed  in  the  morning  the  hair  will  retain  its 
curls  much  better  than  when  done  up  without  the 
carbonate  of  potash. 

One  of  the  old  and  well  known  applications  for 
holding  hair  in  curl  is  quince  seed.  Simmer  one  ounce 
in  a  quart  of  water  for  forty  minutes.  Strain,  let  it 
cool,  and  add  a  few  drops  of  some  perfume,  and  keep  in 
a  tightly  corked  bottle.  Another  is  the  following: 
Dissolve  one  drachm  of  gum  arable  and  two  ounces  of 
borax  in  one  quart  of  hot  water.  When  dissolved,  add 
three  tablespoonfuls  of  tincture  of  camphor.  Apply  at 
night  on  retiring,  and  do  the  hair  up  in  curl  papers  as 
usual. 

Those  who  are  troubled  by  having  their  hair  come 
out  of  crimp  when  horseback  riding  or  boating,  will  lind 
no  better  remedy  than  doing  it  up  in  the  following 
bandoline:  Take  one  pint  of  rose-water,  one-fourth 
ounce  of  gum  tragacanth,  and  five  drops  of  glycerine. 
Mix,  and  let  them  stand  over  night,  or  until  dissolved. 
If  too  thick,  add  more  rose-water,  until  it  is  about  as 
thin  as  glycerine.  Moisten  the  hair  with  this  before 
putting  it  in  papers  or  irons. 

The  secret  of  safe  hair-dressing  is  in  never  pulling 
the  hair  nor  scorching  it.  Before  the  iron  is  applied,  a 
lock  should  always  be  wrapped  in  paper.  Long  and 
patient  treatment  with  hot  irons  will  train  stiff  hair  to 
curl  without  injury.  If  thin  manila  paper  is  wrapped 
once  around  the  common  round  curling  irons  or  frizzing 
tongs,  they  can  be  used  with  safety.    Putting  the  hair 


/ 


THE  HAIE. 


529 


up  over  night  on  metal  pins  or  hairpins  is  injurious 
The  best  thing  is,  possibly,  a  loop  of  thick  elastic  cord, 
into  which  the  hair  is  woven  as  on  a  hairpin.  On  with- 
drawing the  fingers  the  elastic  holds  the  hair,  and  it  is 
much  more  agreeable  to  sleep  in  than  metal  pins, 

There  are  many  accusations  against  the  use  of  iron 
hairpins,  and  if  something  less  clumsy  than  the  rubber 
hairpins  could  be  invented  to  supplant  them,  it  would 
be  a  great  boon  to  the  ladies.  Care  should  be  taken  to 
see  that  iron  hairpins  are  well  japanned,  to  prevent  their 
cutting  the  hair.  Rubber  hairpins  are  unobjectionable, 
but  they  are  somewhat  clumsy. 

Damp  Hair,— See  "  Greasy  and  Damp  Hair." 

Dandruff  or  Scurf. — The  white  brittle  scurf  skin 
which  peels  off  from  the  scalp  may  become  very  annoying, 
after  an  attack  of  fever  or  debilitating  disease,  or  when 
it  becomes  excessive  and  persistent.  One  ounce  of 
borax  in  a  pint  of  water,  used  as  a  wash,  once  a  week  as 
a  preventive,  and  once  a  day  as  a  curative,  is  a  simple 
and,  in  mild  cases,  excellent  remedy.  Persistent  cases 
of  dandruff  can  be  effectually  cured  by  rubbing  the 
following  wash  into  the  scalp  before  brushing  the  hair : 

Take  of  sesquicarbonate  of  ammonia  ounce. 


A  wash,  which  we  elsewhere  recommend, to  soften  the 
scalp  and  make  the  hair  smooth  and  silky,  will  cleanse 
the  scalp  and  remove  dandruff.  It  should  be  used  warm, 
rubbed  well  into  the  scalp,  and  applied  once  or  twice  a 
week.  It  is  as  follows:  Take  the  yelk  of  one  egg,  one 
pint  of  rain  water,  and  one  ounce  of  rosemary  spirit, 
and  beat  it  thoroughly  together. 

Depilitories.— See  "  Superfluous  Hair." 

Dry  and  Stiff  Hair. — "When,  from  any  cause,  the 
hair  is  dry  and  obstinate,  glycerine  is  the  best  thing  to 


Spirit  of  rosemary 
Rose  water  


pint. 
%  pint.  Mix. 


530 


THE  HAIR. 


apply.  Use  in  about  the  proportion  of  five  parts  of 
glycerine  to  fifty  of  water.  A  little  perfume  may  be 
added,  if  desired.  When  a  lock  of  hair  persistently 
refuses  to  grow  in  the  right  direction,  the  comb  and 
brush  should  be  freely  used,  and  it  may  be  forced  into 
the  right  position  for  a  few  days  by  a  little  bandoline. 
It  will  soon  become  pliable.  An  excellent  emollient 
dressing  for  the  hair,  which  it  is  said  will  do  away  with 
the  need  of  using  pomatum,  even  in  cases  where  it 
seems  most  necessary,  is  the  following: 


Take  of  eau  de  cologne  8  ounces. 

Tincture  of  cantharides  1  ounce. 

Oil  of  English  lavender  '%  drachm. 

Oil  of  rosemary  %  drachm. 


Mix,  and  use  occasionally  as  a  dressing  for  the  hair. 

Greasy  and  Damp  Hair. — When  the  hair  is 
moist  and  greasy,  an  excellent  drying  wash  is  the 
following: 


Take  of  essential  oil  of  almonds  1  fluid  drachm. 

Oil  of  cassia  3^  flu  d  drachm. 

Essence  of  musk  3^  fluid  drachm. 

Rectified  spirit  2  3^  ounces. 


Mix,  and,  while  briskly  agitating,  add  gradually  sixteen 
ounces  of  distilled  water,  and  one  ounce  of  dissolved 
gum  arabic. 

A  very  simple  and  effectual  wash  for  persistently 
damp  hair  is  to  dissolve  one  teaspoonful  of  table  salt 
in  one  pint  of  water,  and  apply  two  or  three  times  a  day. 
After  its  application  comb,  brush  and  dry  the  hair 
thoroughly.  Long  continued  use  of  this  wash  lightens 
the  hair. 

Glossy  Hair. — The  glossy  appearance  of  the  hair 
is  caused  by  the  secretion  of  minute  glands.  Those 
whose  hair  lacks  this  quality  may  treat  the  scalp  by 


ST.  MARY. 
(531) 


THE  HAIE. 


533 


friction,  and  carefully  comb  and  brush  the  hair  Tvith  a 
soft  brush,  and  once  a  day  apply  the  following: 


Hair  Dyes. — TTe  suppose  it  to  be  useless  to  declaim 
against  the  folly  and  danger  of  using  poisonous  and 
deleterious  dyes  and  washes  for  the  hair.  As  long  as 
the  desired  change  can  be  produced,  the  red  hair  turned 
dark  or  the  dark  hair  made  blonde,  the  ardent  vanity 
of  women  will  lead  them  to  resort  to  the  use  of  such 
preparations  as  they  believe  will  accomplish  the  desired 
result.  The  most  we  can  do  is  to  point  out  the  dangers 
of  using  poisonous  preparations,  and  give  directions 
for  using  those  least  injurious  to  the  hair.  All  the 
preparations  of  lead,  copper  and  bismuth  are  poisonous 
and  dangerous.  The  continued  application  of  these 
ingredients  will  often  produce  most  deleterious  results, 
both  on  the  hair  and  the  general  health — which  may 
even  result  in  paralysis  and  death. 

Hair  is  naturally  darker  at  the  scalp  than  at  the 
ends,  because  at  that  point  there  is  a  more  copious 
supply  of  coloring  matter  in  the  cells.  The  most  beauti- 
ful hair  is  never  all  of  one  shade,  and  to  make  it  so 
gives  it  an  unnatural  appearance  and  strongly  suggests 
dyeing.  Tresses  of  varying  hues,  as  the  light  plays 
through  them,  have  always  been  the  delight  of  artists. 

Before  applying  any  dye  or  coloring  fluid,  the  hair 
should  be  thoroughly  cleansed  fi'om  grease  and  dirt  by 
washing  it  with  hot  water,  in  which  ammonia,  soda  and 
borax  are  dissolved,  as  without  this  precaution  the  dyes 
often  will  produce  no  effect.  After  drying  the  hair 
carefully  the  dyes  can  be  best  applied,  usually,  with  a 
soft  tooth  brush.  Dip  it  in  the  dye  and  then  brush  the 
hair  with  it.    There  is  always  danger  of  staining  the 


Take  of  castor  oil  

Tincture  of  cochineal. 
Rectified  spirits  


1  ounce. 
,  1  ounce. 
1  pint.  Mix. 


531 


THE  HAIR. 


skin,  and  it  is  a  safeguard  to  smear  it  (the  skin  only — 
not  the  hair)  with  pomatum,  to  keep  the  dye  from 
touching  it.  This  can  be  washed  off  afterwards  and 
objectionable  discoloration  avoided. 

Black. — By  washing  the  hair  repeatedly  in  a  prepara- 
tion of  iron  until  the  liquid  is  absorbed  into  the  hairs,  and 
then  washing  it  in  a  preparation  of  tannin,  they  will  act 
chemically  on  each  other  and  produce  a  black  color. 
This  is  the  principle  on  which  black  ink  is  produced. 
This  is  as  harmless  as  any  black  dye  we  know.  The 
process  is  as  follows: 

Take  of  sulphate  of  iron  10  grains. 

Glycerine  1  ounce. 

Distilled  water  1  pint.  Mix. 

Twice  a  day  for  three  days  wash  the  hair  thoroughly 
with  this  preparation,  and  then  dry  and  brush  it  well. 
At  the  end  of  three  days  apply  the  following: 

Take  of  gallic  acid  4  grains. 

Tannic  acid  4  grains. 

Distilled  water  1^  ounces.  Mix. 

Apply  this  with  a  fine-tooth  comb,  being  careful  to 
keep  it  from  the  skin,  which  it  will  stain.  Subsequently 
they  may  both  be  applied  once  a  day,  applying  the 
second  preparation  an  hour  or  two  after  the  first,  until 
the  hair  becomes  black. 

Another: 

Take  of  nitrate  of  silver  7  drachms. 

Eose-water  Bounces.  Mix. 

This  is  a  French  recipe.  Used  at  full  strength  it 
produces  a  perfect  black.  By  adding  its  bulk  of  distilled 
water  it  will  make  the  hair  a  deep  brown  or  chestnut. 
If  twice  its  bulk  of  water  is  added  it  produces  a  light 
brown  shade. 


THE  HAIR. 


535 


Another:  Take  equal  parts  of  powdered  litharge, 
lemon-juice  and  vinegar,  and  boil  them  in  a  porcelain- 
lined  vessel  for  thirty  minutes,  over  a  slow  fire.  Hair 
wet  with  this  will  turn  black  in  a  short  time.  This  is 
not  as  injurious  as  some  of  the  nostrums  advertised  for 
dyeing  hair ;  but  litharge  is  a  preparation  of  lead,  and, 
as  we  have  previously  explained,  all  preparations  of  lead 
are  injurious,  if  their  use  is  persisted  in. 

Another: 

Take  of  sulphuret  of  potassinm  3  draclims. 


The  desired  effect  will  not  be  produced  unless  this  solu- 
tion is  freshly  made  when  used.  Wet  the  hair  with  it, 
let  it  dry,  and  then  apply: 


Dissolve  the  nitrate  of  silver  in  the  water,  and  keep  the 
solution  in  a  blue  bottle  If  the  potassium  sulphate  is 
good  it  will  have  a  strong  odor.  After  exposing  the  haii- 
to  the  light  a  few  hours  it  will  turn  dark,  and  a  dense 
black  will  be  produced.  If  the  skin  becomes  stained,  it 
may  be  removed  by  using  a  rag  wet  in  the  first  solution 
of  sulphuret  of  potassium,  slightly  diluted. 

Brown. — A  perfectly  innocent  and  harmless  brown  dye 
may  be  made  by  digesting  four  ounces  of  walnut  skins, 
beaten  to  a  pulp,  in  sixteen  ounces  of  rectified  spirit;  or 
the  dye  may  be  prepared  by  boiling  the  walnut  bark  slowly 
for  about  an  hour,  in  the  proportion  of  two  ounces  to  a 
quart  of  water.  Then  a  little  alum  (perhaps  two  pieces 
the  size  of  a  thimble)  should  be  added  to  set  the  dye. 
This  may  also  be  applied  to  the  eyebrows  and  lashes, 
turning  them  to  a  rich  brown,  which  will  harmonize 
well  with  light  hair.    Apply  the  wash  to  eyebrows  and 


Distilled  water 


2  fluid  ounces.  !Mix. 


Nitrate  of  silver  

Distilled  water  


1%  drachms. 
.  .2  fluid  ounces. 


636  THE  HAIR. 

lashes  with  a  small  hair  pencil,  or  with  a  sponge  to  the 
hair.  As  this  will  stain  pillow  cases,  the  head  should 
be  wrapped  up  before  going  to  bed. 

Another:  Take  one  part  of  litharge,  two  parts  of 
slacked  lime,  and  two  parts  of  starch,  and  mix,  adding 
enough  milk  to  make  into  a  paste.  Litharge  is  a  prepa- 
ration of  lead,  as  we  have  previously  explained.  Using 
water  instead  of  milk  will  change  this  to  a  black  dye. 

A  bright  red  or  reddish  yellow  tinge  may  be  pro- 
duced by  using  a  solution  of  pure  rouge  in  a  weak  solu- 
tion of  crystalized  carbonate  of  soda,  followed,  when 
dry,  with  lemon-juice  or  vinegar  diluted  with  one-half 
to  an  equal  amount  of  water,  to  act  as  a  mordant  and  set 
the  color. 

A  rich  golden  hue  may  be  given  to  very  light  hair^ 
and  a  golden  brown  or  auburn  to  darker  hair,  by  using 
a  solution  of  bi- chloride  of  tin,  diluted  considerably, 
followed  by  hydrosulphuret  of  ammonia,  to  act  as  a 
mordant.  The  most  effective  preparation  for  this  pur- 
pose, however,  is  peroxyde  of  hydrogen.  Moderately 
used  on  some  shades  of  hair,  its  effect  is  beautiful.  (See 
what  we  say  about  it  under  "Bleaching  the  Hair.") 

A  very  effective,  but  temporary,  golden  hue  may  be 
given  to  hair  as  follows :  Obtain  from  some  hair  dresser 
a  package  of  gold  powder.  Then,  using  an  ordinary 
perfume  vaporizer,  spray  the  hair  well  with  a  very  weak 
solution  of  gum  water.  Then  sprinkle  on  the  powder. 
It  will  stay  on  during  an  evening,  at  a  dance  or  party, 
and  looks  very  rich. 

A  reddish  orange  is  produced  by  using  an  acidulated 
solution  of  tartar  emetic  (acidulated  with  a  little  tartaric? 
citric  or  acetic  acid),  followed  by  a  weak  mordant  of 
neutral  hydrosulphuret  (or  bi-sulphuret)  of  ammonia. 
Carefully  avoid  excesses,  however. 

The  mordants  should  always  be  kept  in  a  separate 


THE  HAIE. 


537 


bottle,  and  these  dyes  should  only  be  prepared  by  skilful 
hands. 

Hair  Restorers. — As  Ave  hare  intimated  elsewhere, 
we  do  not  counsel  the  use  of  dyes.  The  first  symptom 
of  gi^ayness  in  the  hair  is  usually  on  the  temples,  but,  as 
that  is  a  veiy  conspicuous  place,  any  dye  which  discolors 
the  skin  will  be  very  a^Dparent.  Many  people  want  a 
hair  restorer  for  this  and  similar  purposes,  and  we  com- 
mend the  following  as  being  very  good: 

Take  of  rust  of  iron  1  drachm. 


Put  these  into  a  bottle  which  is  loosely  corked,  and  shake 
it  daily  for  ten  or  twelve  days.    Then  allow  it  to  stand 
one  day,  and  decant  the  clear  portion  for  use. 
Another : 


Stir  until  the  mixture  is  complete.  Either  of  these  will 
iron-mold  linen  if  they  come  in  contact  with  it.  Some 
people  substitute  good  old  ale  for  the  rain  water,  in  the 
last  preparation. 

All  preparations  containing  lead  and  mercury  are 
injurious  if  used  for  any  length  of  time. 

Loss  of  Color  in  Hair. — Even  during  youth  white 
and  grey  hairs  will  occasionally  appear.  They  are  due 
to  general  debility'  or  to  deficient  local  nutrition. 
Debility  should  be  treated  with  suitable  medicines  and 
hygienic  living;  but  for  a  local  application,  if  sulphate 
of  iron  be  dissolved  in  red  wine  it  makes  an  excellent 
restorative  wash.  The  proportions  should  be  seven 
grains  of  sulphate  of  iron  to  360  of  the  wine.  The 


Old  ale  (strong) 
Oil  of  rosemary 


.  1  pint. 
12  drops. 


Take  of  sulphate  of  iron  i  crushed), 

Rectified  spirits  

Oil  of  rosemary  

Pure  rain-water  


.  1  drachm. 
.  1  fluid  ounce. 
10  drops. 
M  Phit. 


538 


THE  HAIR. 


sulphate  may  be  dissolved  in  water  first,  and  then  the 
two  boiled  together  for  ten  mijiutes.  This  is  for  dark 
hair.  For  light  hair  the  red  wine  (claret)  may  be  used 
alone.  Frequent  brushing  and  friction  of  the  skin  is 
also  beneficial. 

It  is  said  that  epsom  salts  dissolved  in  soft  water 
and  applied  to  the  hair  with  a  small  sponge  frequently 
will  check  its  turning  grey,  and  two  tablespoonfuls  of 
rock-salt  put  into  boiling  water  and  allowed  to  stand 
until  it  is  cold,  and  then  applied  to  the  hair,  is  said  to 
restore  grey  hair  in  some  instances. 

Parasites. — Lice. — Children  sometimes  get  para- 
sites (lice)  in  their  hair  by  contact  with  other  children 
at  school,  etc.  The  readiest  way  to  destroy  them  is  to 
wash  the  head  with  a  preparation  of  one  part  of  sulph- 
urous {not  sulphuric)  acid  in  three  parts  of  rain-water. 
Or  wash  the  head  with  carbolic  soap,  or  use  one  part 
of  carbolic  acid  to  twenty  of  water.  This  is  much 
better  than  irritating  the  scalp  with  the  old-fashioned 
fine-tooth  comb. 

This  preparation  of  sulphurous  acid,  by  the  way, 
will  destroy  parasites  on  furniture  or  pets  (dogs,  etc.) 

Red  or  Sandy  Hair— Objectionable  shades  of 
red  or  sandy  hair  can  often  be  changed  to  a  rich,  glossy, 
golden  tinge  by  frequent  brushing  and  careful  atten- 
tion, so  that  it  would  hardly  be  known  as  the  same  hair. 
Luxuriant  golden  hair  is  certainly  no  detriment  to 
beauty.  "  I  have  seen,"  says  the  author  of  the  "  Ugly 
Girl  Papers,"  "  a  most  obnoxious  color  so  changed  by  a 
few  years  care  that  it  became  the  admiration  of  the 
owner's  friends  and  could  hardly  be  recognized  as  the 
withered  fiery  locks  once  worn." 

Superfluous  Hairs. — There  are  two  kinds  of  super-; 
flous  hair.  One  consists  of  isolated  hairs  which  appear 
often  on  the  chin  and  lip,  or  which  sprout  from  moles. 


THE  HAIE, 


539 


The  other  is  a  kind  of  soft  down  which  grows  on  the 
upper  lip  or  on  the  outer  side  of  the  arms,  etc.  The 
best  depilitory  we  know,  which  can  be  applied  to  this 
soft  downy  hair,  is  the  following: 

Take  of  sulphide  of  barium  2  drachms. 

Powdered  oxide  of  zinc  3  drachms. 

Powdered  starch  3  drachms. 

"Water  sufficient  to  make  a  soft  paste.  Mix. 

Smear  this  paste  lightly  over  the  hairy  part,  and  let 
it  remain  for  five  or  ten  minutes.  Then  wash  it  off,  and 
the  hair  will  come  with  it.  The  operation  should  be 
performed  at  night,  so  that  the  local  irritation  may  sub- 
side before  morning.  Just  after  washing  off  the  depila- 
tory, rub  a  little  sweet  oil  over  the  spot,  to  allay  the 
irritation.  It  is  also  said  that  bathing  the  part  affected, 
frequently,  with  ammonia  or  camphor,  as  strong  as  can 
be  borne,  will  kill  out  these  fine  hairs  in  a  few  weeks. 

For  the  stiff,  isolated  hairs,  the  proper  method  is  to 
pull  each  hair  out  with  a  pair  of  tweezers,  and  then 
apply  a  little  carbonate  of  bismuth  moistened  with  gly- 
cerine. If  this  is  properly  done,  they  will  not  grow 
again.  Evidently,  however,  this  operation  is  not  suitable 
for  fine,  downy  hairs,  as  to  pull  each  one  out  in  this  way 
would  be  an  endless  operation. 

Another  effective  and  probably  the  best  method 
known  at  present  for  removing  the  isolated  hairs  is  by 
electrolysis.  The  method  consists  in  running  a  fine 
needle,  to  which  an  electric  battery  is  attached,  into  the 
skin  until  it  reaches  the  roots  of  the  hair.  The  electric 
current  will  destroy  them,  and  the  hair  will  soon  fall 
out  and  will  not  grow  again.  The  operation  causes  very 
little  pain,  but  it  should  only  be  performed  by  a  compe- 
tent and  skillful  operator. 

Switches  (To  Freshen). — When  switches  have  lost 
their  fresh  appearance,  and  look  dull  and  soiled,  they 


540 


THE  HAIR. 


may  be  easily  and  effectually  restored  to  look  as  fresh 
as  new  by  taking  common  undiluted  ammonia  (half  a 
pint  will  probably  be  enough)  and  dipping  the  switch  in 
it.  By  repeating  this  process  about  once  in  three 
months  the  switch  may  be  kept  clean  and  bright. 

Thin  and  Falling  Hair. — The  hair  is  sometimes 
thin  from  hereditary  tendency,  and  sometimes  as  the 
result  of  sickness  and  prolonged  ill-health,  it  will  fall 
out.  When  the  hair  is  thin  from  hereditary  causes,  an 
excellent  stimulating  lotion  is  the  following: 

Take  of  tincture  of  cantharides  2  3^  fluid  drachius. 

Jamaica  rum  2%  fluid  drachms. 

Glycerine  ^  ounce. 

Mix  well,  and  then  add  twenty  drops  of  oil  of  rose- 
mary. Then 

Take  of  sesquicarbonate  of  ammonia  2  drachms. 

Distilled  water  9  ounces. 

Dissolve  the  ammonia  in  the  water,  and  then  mix  the 
two  preparations,  shaking  and  mixing  them  well  together. 
Rub  this  wash  well  into  the  roots  of  the  hair  once  daily. 

A  simpler  recipe,  which  is  undoubtedly  valuable  for 
cases  of  thinning  and  falling  hair,  is  this:  Stew  one 
pound  of  rosemary  in  a  quart  of  rain-water  for  some 
time;  then  filter  through  musliU)  and  add  one-half  pint 
of  bay  rum.  Bottle  the  mixture,  and  each  night  and 
morning  rub  some  into  the  roots  of  the  hair. 

A  quinine  wash  which  is  meritorious,  and  has  been 
often  tested,  is  the  following: 

Take  of  bi-sulphate  of  quinine  1  drachm. 

Rose  water  8  ounces. 

Rectified  spirits..  2 ounces. 

Mix,  and  then  add  one-fourth  ounce  of  glycerine,  and 
five  or  six  minims  of  essence  of  musk,  or  any  other  per- 


THE  FIRGT  HOUR  OF  NIGHT,— (Raphael.) 
(511) 


THE  HAIE. 


543 


fume  which  is  preferred.  Shake  it  until  thoroughly 
mixed,  and  the  next  day  decant,  and  it  is  ready  for  use 
Apply  it  once  or  twice  each  day. 

When  the  hair  is  falling  out  rapidly  through  sickness 
or  long-continued  ill-health,  it  is  best  to  have  it  cut  and 
wear  it  so  for  a  year  or  two,  and  in  the  mean  time  treat 
the  scalp  systematically  with  stimulating  lotions.  One 
great  advantage  in  having  the  hair  short  is  that  nothing 
is  so  beneficial  to  all  growth,  animal  and  vegetable,  as 
free  access  of  light  and  air,  and  when  the  hair  is  long 
and  twisted  up  and  compressed  on  the  head,  it  excludes 
these  vitalizing  agents.  Then,  again,  the  stimulating 
friction  which  is  so  important  is  much  more  readily 
applied  when  the  hair  is  short;  and,  also,  the  hair  bulbs 
obtain  a  period  of  rest  and  recuperation,  and  are  thereby 
enabled  to  resume  their  office  of  producing  a  vigorous 
growth  of  hair. 

Ammonia,  wine  or  rum,  origanum,  and  several  other 
things,  all  have  stimulating  effects  on  the  scalp,  and  so 
does  electricity,  the  occasional  use  of  which  is  often 
very  beneficial.  But  grease,  freely  applied,  will  clog 
the  pores  and  hinder  their  action.  A  very  popular 
stimulating  wash  is  the  following: 


Take  of  liquor  of  ammonia  2  drachms. 

Oil  of  sweet  almonds  2  draclrms. 

Spirits  of  rosemary  1  ounce. 

Otto  of  mace  1  drachm. 

Rose  water  2%  ounces. 


Mix,  and  rub  well  into  the  roots  of  the  hair  daily. 

In  cases  of  confirmed  baldness,  when  the  scalp  has 
become  shiny,  it  is  probable  that  little  can  be  done  tQ 
cure  it,  but  in  cases  of  baldness  where  a  lens  will  show 
the  presence  of  light  downy  hairs,  they  may  be  stimu- 
lated into  growth,  usually,  by  the  use  of  the  following 
preparation: 


544 


THE  HAIK. 


Take  of  tincture  of  cantharides 


3^  ounce. 
10  ounces, 
}^  ounce. 


Rectified  spirits . . , 
Sublimed  sulphur 
Glycerine  , 


2  ounces.  Mix. 


The  parts  should  be  brushed  with  a  soft  brush  foi 
a  few  minutes,  then  bathed  with  warm  water  and  dried 
with  a  soft  towel,  and  then  the  lotion  gently  rubbed  in 
for  about  a  minute  and  then  left  on  the  scalp — noi  wiped 
ofp.  Apply  twice  daily.  Should  the  continued  applica- 
tion cause  irritation,  it  may  be  allayed  by  applying 
equal  parts  of  glycerine  and  water.  When  the  hair 
begins  to  grow,  clip  the  ends. 

Another  very  powerful  stimulant  for  the  hair,  and 
one  which  is  said  to  fully  equal  cantharides,  without  its 
dangers,  is  the  oil  of  mace.  One  pint  of  deodorized 
alcohol  to  half  an  ounce  of  the  oil  of  mace  makes  a 
strong  stimulant.  To  apply  it  to  a  bald  spot,  rub  the 
scalp  first  with  flannel  until  it  looks  red  and  excited, 
and  then  rub  the  lotion  well  into  the  skin.  Persistent 
application  three  times  a  day  for  several  weeks  will 
often  be  needed.  After  the  hair  has  started,  once  a  day 
will  be  often  enough  to  use  the  tincture.  When  used 
as  a  stimulant  for  deficient  hair,  a  little  may  be  poured 
into  an  open  dish,  and  then  a  small  brush  may  be 
dipped  into  it  and  the  hair  actively  brushed,  working 
the  lotion  well  into  the  roots. 

For  applying  any  of  these  washes  to  the  hair  and 
scalp,  there  is  probably  nothing  better  than  a  soft  tooth- 
brush, and  the  bald  places  should  be  gone  over  care- 
fully, touching  every  spot. 

Tenderness  of  the  Scalp. — Using  hard  brushes 
may  cause  tenderness  of  the  scalp.  As  we  have  said 
before,  a  hard  brush  should  never  be  used,  as  it  injures 
both  the  scalp  and  hair,  whereas  a  soft  brush  will 
benefit  both.    The  use  of  very  hot  water  for  washing  or 


THE  HAIE. 


545 


shampooing  the  head,  and  the  abrupt  changing  from  hot 
to  cold  water  will  also  cause  tenderness.  In  such  cases 
as  the  foregoing  the  remedy  is  obvious — simply  remove 
the  cause.  When,  as  is  often  the  case,  it  is  caused  by 
using  hair  restorers,  they  should  be  discontinued  until 
the  scalp  recovers,  and  used  more  sparingly  thereafter. 
When  the  scalp  is  naturally  tender  it  should  be  washed 
daily  in  cold  water  and  then  stimulated  by  rubbing, 
exercising  care  not  to  injure  the  surface.  AVash  the 
head  afterwards  with  the  following  lotion:  Eectified 
spirits,  one  ounce,  and  water  three  ounces,  mixed. 

Wigs.— To  Bleach. — When  blonde  wigs  are  desired 
for  theatricals  or  other  purposes,  and  cannot  readily  be 
obtained,  the  following  method  will  bleach  a  switch  of 
dark  hair;  but  this  recipe  cannot  safely  be  applied  to 
the  head,  as  it  is  too  poisonous.  (1)  Take  the  tops  of 
potatoes  ready  to  flower  and  steep  them  for  twenty-four 
hours  in  water,  or  (2)  use  an  infusion  of  tumeric  in 
champagne.  First  soak  the  hair  in  strong  vinegar,  and 
then  put  it  into  either  one  of  the  above  preparations. 


EYEBROWS  AND  EYELASHES. 


AEK  and  regular  eyebrows  and  eyelashes 
certainly  give  a  beauty  to  the  face,  in  every 
way  superior  to  the  lighter  colors.  No 
inconsiderable  part  of  the  impression  which 
the  eye  produces  is  due  to  the  eyebrows 
and  eyelashes,  and  they  are  an  important 
factor  in  the  expression  of  the  countenance. 
Among  the  Greeks,  eyebrows  which  met 
in  the  middle  were  not  popular;  but  the 
Roman  fashion  favored  them  and  resorted  to  artificial 
means  for  their  production.  The  Persians,  Egyptians 
and  Assyrians  painted  their  eyebrows  to  increase  their 
apparent  width. 

THE  EYEBEOWS. 

The  eyebrows  should  arch  slightly,  be  moderately 
thick  and  lie  smooth,  to  be  beautiful.  Although  tradition 
ascribes  future  prosperity  to  persons  whose  eyebrows 
meet,  it  is  usually  considered  a  deformity,  as  it  gives  a 
scowling  expression  to  the  face.  The  remedy  is,  to  pull 
out  each  hair,  for  about  one-third  of  an  inch,  between 
the  brows. 

To  correct  irregular  eyebrows,  all  the  irregular  hairs 
which  make  them  appear  uneven  should  be  plucked  out 
with  tweezers.  The  eyebrows  should  be  combed,  and 
brushed  with  a  soft  brush  toward  the  ear.  A  little  olive 
oil  may  be  applied  with  advantage  occasionally. 

Jf  the  hair  grows  too  long,  it  may  be  clipped  with 

(546) 


THE  ETEBKOWiS  AND  EYELASHES. 


547 


fine  scissors,  and  if  it  is  deficient  some  of  the  washes 
recommended  for  thin  and  falling  hair  may  be  used. 
But  care  should  be  taken  not  to  get  any  of  the  lotions 
into  the  eye,  and  if  the  down  external  to  the  appropriate 
limits  of  the  eyebrows  develops,  it  should  be  plucked  out- 

If  the  eyebrows  are  singed  off  by  fire,  their  growth 
may  be  stimulated  by  applying  a  lotion  of  five  grains  of 
sulphate  of  quinine  in  one  ounce  of  alcohol. 

When  the  eyebrows  are  troubled  with  extreme 
moisture,  an  excellent  remedy  is  nine  grains  of  borate 
of  soda,  one  gill  of  distilled  water,  and  ten  drops  of 
essence  of  mint,  mixed,  and  applied  two  or  three  times 
a  day. 

Dry  and  crusty  pimples  in  the  eyebrows  may  be 
treated  by  taking  nine  grains  of  chlorate  of  potassium, 
one  ounce  of  pure  glycerine,  and  one  gill  of  water,  mix- 
ing, and  applying  lightly  with  a  soft  toothbrush.  Apply 
preparations  for  darkening  eyebrows  and  lashes  with  a 
small  hair  pencil,  to  avoid  a  smeared  look,  Avhich  is  very 
bad. 

Dyes. — As  dyes  for  the  eyebrows  are  often  desired, 
we  submit  the  following : 

Black. — To  touch  them  with  a  little  black  of  mastic 
is  a  simple  method.  As  it  will  stain  the  fingers  or  skin, 
it  should  be  used  carefully;  or  the  following  preparation 
may  be  used:  Take  one  ounce  of  nutgalls,  three  ounces 
of  olive  oil,  and  one  drachm  of  ammoniac  salt.  Mix, 
and  add  a  little  vinegar.  Apply  on  retiring,  and  leave 
it  on  all  night,  and  in  the  morning  wash  with  tepid 
water. 

For  theatricals,  a  black  that  will  not  be  affected  by 
perspiration  may  be  made  by  burning  mastic  and  frank- 
incense together. 

Brown. — Use  the  brown  dye,  made  of  walnut  skins, 
recommended  for  the  hair. 


548 


THE  EYEBKOWS  AND  EYELASHES. 


THE  EYELASHES. 

Long  and  even  lashes  add  greatly  to  the  beauty  of 
the  eyes.  In  both  childhood  and  later  life  the  eyelashes 
may  be  increased  in  length  and  luxuriance  by  clipping 
them  every  month  or  six  weeks;  but  the  greatest  care 
should  be  exercised  not  to  injure  the  eye,  especially 
with  children,  as  they  are  often  restless.  Stimulants 
and  washes  to  increase  the  growth  may  injure  the  eyes, 
if  they  get  into  them.  They  should  therefore  be  used 
with  great  care  if  at  all.  A  little  olive  oil  may  be  applied 
occasionally. 

If  the  eyelashes  are  subject  to  entanglement,  the 
affected  hairs  must  be  clipped  and  trained  away  from 
each  other. 

In-growing  hairs  should  be  moistened  with  glycerine 
and  then,  with  forceps  or  tweezers,  curled  away  from  the 
eyeball.    Kepeat  daily. 

The  greasy  secretion  which  gathers  on  the  lids,  at 
times,  is  very  troublesome.  The  lids  are  red  around  the 
edges,  and  may  be  stuck  together  after  sleeping,  and  the 
lashes  may  fall  out  or  be  stunted  in  growth.  The  treat- 
ment requires  internal  medicine,  but  locally  the  remedies 
are  to  cut  off  the  lashes  and  bathe  the  lids  twice  daily 
with  warm  water.  On  going  to  bed  at  night,  the  edges 
may  be  smeared  with  olive  oil,  if  there  is  much  inflam- 
mation, to  prevent  their  sticking  together.  If  not,  the 
following  lotion  maybe  used:  Take  four  grains  of  borax^ 
one  drachm  of  sirup  of  quinces,  and  one  ounce  of  black- 
cherry  water.  Mix,  and  bathe  carefully.  The  eyes 
should  also  be  shielded  with  colored  glasses  when  out- 
of-doors,  and  dust  and  all  causes  of  irritation  avoided. 

Dyes. — The  beauty  of  the  eye  is  enhanced  when  the 
eyelashes  are  darkened.  The  following  dyes  may  be 
safely  used. 


THE  EYEBROWS  AND  EYELASHES.  549 


Black. — Wash  the  lashes  in  goulard  water.  Then 
apply  the  following  with  a  small  hair  pencil:  Take 
one  part  of  sublimed  sulphur,  four  parts  of  lard  and  two 
parts  of  glycerine.  Melt  the  lard,  and  then  mix  in  the 
sulphur  and  glycerine,  and  let  it  stand  until  cool.  A 
very  natural  effect  is  also  produced  by  applying  a  little 
India  ink  dissolved  in  water,  with  a  hair  pencil.  Use 
the  best  ink. 

Brown. — Use  the  brown  dye  made  of  walnut  skins, 
recommended  for  the  hair. 


/ 


THE  EYES,  EARS  AND  NOSE. 


ASCAL  has  called  attention  to  the  fact  that 
'  if  Cleopatra's  nose  had  been  a  little  longer 
it  might  have  affected  the  political  destiny 
of  all  the  later  nations.  The  eyes  and  nose 
are  so  prominent  that  if  they  are  irregular  or 
deformed  they  arrest  at  once  the  attention 
of  the  beholder,  and  the  beauty  of  the  coun- 
tenance is  destroyed.  The  ears,  however, 
are  less  prominent,  and,  i^  inelegant,  can  be 


more  easily  concealed  by  arranging  the  hair  for  that 
purpose.  Savages,  with  their  absence  of  correct  taste, 
and  their  blind  slavery  to  their  local  fashions,  produce 
various  disfigurements  of  these  organs. 

THE  EYES. 

The  eyes  are  the  most  expressive  feature  of  the  face. 
They  are  the  soul's  mirrors,  and  reflect  the  thoughts 
within.  Guyon  has  said  that  "  Whoever  has  received 
from  God  the  precious  gift  of  strong,  beautiful  eyes, 
should  carefully  preserve  them." 

The  great  enemies  of  the  eyes  are  wind  and  dust, 
the  glare  of  the  sun  or  artificial  light,  and  overtaxing 
them  in  reading,  study  or  work.  Those  who  are  exposed 
to  the  wind  and  dust  should  protect  their  eyes  with 
glasses.  Ladies  have  some  protection  in  their  veils,  but 
these  should  be  dark  colored  and  the  meshes  close  set. 

The  glare  of  the  sun,  as  on  white  sand,  etc.,  may  be 
met  by  wearing  colored  glasses  (the  London-smoke  is 
the  best).    So  far  as  the  over-work  is  concerned,  each 

(550) 


NINON  de  I'ENCLOS. 
(551) 


THE  EYES,  EARS  AXD  XOSE. 


553 


one  must  exercise  liis  own  common  sense  and  be  careful 
not  to  overtax  liis  eyes.  TThen  the  eyes  are  easily 
irritated  by  the  wind  and  sun,  a  Avash  of  one  part  of 
camphor  to  eight  of  rosewater  will  be  found  beneficial. 

Children  should  not  be  subjected  to  sudden  changes 
from  darkness  to  light  and  their  hair  should  never  be 
allowed  to  fall  into  their  eyes  and  irritate  them. 

If  the  eyes  are  sticky  and  gummed  together,  they 
may  be  bathed  for  a  few  minutes  in  tepid  milk  and 
water;  but  do  not  rub  them,  as  that  will  cause  irritation. 

Persons  who  are  afflicted  with  long  or  short  sighted- 
ness  should  wear  glasses  adapted  to  their  eyes,  as  it 
relieves  them  from  constant  strain  and  tends  to  their 
preservation. 

Bilious  Eyes. — These  are  caused  by  inaction  of  the 
liver.  The  treatment  is  internal  remedies,  exercise,  cold 
bathing,  and  a  nourishing  diet. 

Black  Eye. — T\'hen  the  eye  receives  a  slight  bruise 
the  discoloration  of  the  surrounding  tissue  which  so 
often  results  may  frecjuently  be  prevented  by  the  appli- 
cation of  a  little  brandy,  whisky  or  spirits  of  wine. 

Bloodshot  Eyes. — They  may  be  treated  by  using 
some  of  the  lotions  elsewhere  recommended  for  chronic 
cases  of  watery  eyes. 

Cross  Eyes. — See  Scpuinting." 

Objects  in  the  Eye. — When  a  cinder  or  other 
substance  gets  into  the  eye,  do  not  rub  it — that  will 
make  it  worse.  Wait  a  minute,  and  then  gently  open 
and  close  the  lid.  The  tears  which  follow  this  operation 
will  usually  wash  out  the  intruding  substance.  If  this 
fails,  however,  turn  out  the  lid  urder  which  is  the  sub- 
stance, and  remove  it  with  a  soft  handkerchief.  The  eye 
may  be  painful  for  an  hour  or  two  after  the  object  has 
been  removed,  but  by  bathing  it  with  a  little  warm  salt 
water  the  redness  will  soon  subside.    If  the  object  is 


554 


THE  EYES,  EARS  AND  NOSE. 


imbedded  in  the  cornea  or  eyeball,  a  simple  and  excel- 
lent way  to  detach  it  is  to  take  a  long  hair,  and,  holding 
both  ends,  allow  it  to  rest  lightly  over  the  eyeball,  above 
the  object;  then,  allowing  the  eye  to  roll  upward,  it  is 
loosened,  and  may  be  removed.  If  this  fails,  a  physician 
or  oculist  should  be  consulted  as  soon  as  possible. 

Squinting. — This  is  usually  caused  by  some  inequal- 
ity of  vision  in  the  eyes.  Internal  remedies,  or  a  surgical 
operation,  may  bo  necessary.  An  old  remedy  for  diver- 
gent vision  is  to  place  a  black  patch  on  the  side  of  the 
nose,  and  try  to  view  it  with  the  affected  eye.  What  is 
commonly  called  "  cross-eye,"  is  caused  by  contraction  or 
inequality  of  the  muscles  of  the  eyeball,  and  can  easily 
be  cured,  usually,  by  a  slight  and  not  painful  surgical 
operation.    It  should  be  performed  by  a  skilful  oculist. 

Stye. — These  are  most  common  with  delicate  or  un- 
healthy children,  but  many  adults  are  afflicted  with  them. 
The  best  treatment  is  to  bathe  the  eye  with  warm  water, 
or  apply  a  bread  poultice.  After  they  break,  apply  a  little 
dilute  citrine  ointment,  being  careful  not  to  get  any  into 
the  eye.  Persons  subject  to  them  should  strengthen  the 
system  with  tonics  and  bathe  the  eyelids  night  and 
morning  with  a  weak  solution  of  salt  and  water. 

To  Brighten  the  Eyes. — Various  devices  have  been 
resorted  to,  many  of  them  very  injurious  to  the  eye. 
Many  ladies  know  that  if,  just  before  going  out,  they  eat 
lump  sugar  saturated  with  cologne,  it  will  brighten 
their  eyes.  The  same  effect  may  be  produced  by  flirting 
soapsuds  into  them.  Many  Spanish  ladies  make  their 
eyes  shine  by  squeezing  orange-juice  into  them.  The 
juice  of  the  herb  euphrasia,  or  eye-bright,  dropped  into 
the  eyes,  will  make  them  bright,  and  is  said  to  be  as 
harmless  as  anything  of  the  kind  which  can  be  used.  A 
spoonful  of  roasted  coffee,  chewed  for  the  juice,  will 
brighten  the  eyes  for  an  evening,  but  this  should  not  be 


THE  EYES,  EARS  AND  NOSE. 


555 


resorted  to  often,  because  of  the  effects  of  the  coffee  on 
the  system.  We  advise  oui'  readers  not  to  tamper  with 
their  eyes  by  injecting  any  preparations  into  them.  The 
best  things  for  beautifying  the  eyes  are  good  health, 
proper  care,  and  do  not  strain  or  misuse  tliem  in  any 
way. 

Watery  Eyes. — These  cannot  bear  a  strong  light. 
They  are  tender,  and  there  is  an  abundant  secretion  of 
tears.  When  the  attack  is  acute  and  comes  on  suddenly, 
caused  by  getting  dust  in  the  eyes,  or  a  similar  reason, 
they  should  be  bathed  in  a  lotion  made  of  one  part  warm 
water  and  one  x^art  poppy  decoction.  After  the  inflam- 
mation subsides,  the  eyes  may  be  treated  as  in  chronic 
cases. 

Chronic  cases  require  astringents,  and  either  of  the 
following  washes  may  be  used: 


Or. 


Take  of  alum  2  grains. 

Pure  water  1  ounce.  Mix. 


Take  of  acetate  of  zinc   .1%  grains. 

Pure  water  1  ounce.  Mix. 


Or 


Take  of  sulphate  of  zinc  1J<  grains. 

Pure  water  1  ounce.  Mix. 


Also,  in  chronic  cases,  a  lotion  may  be  used,  made  of 
one  part  of  rectified  spirits  to  eight  parts  of  water. 


THE  NOSE. 


An  ugly  and  ill-formed  nose  disfigures  any  counte- 
nance, while  Layater  has  said  that  "a  beautiful  nose  is 
neyer  associated  with  a  deformed  face."  As  the  nose 
occupies  the  most  prominent  part  of  the  face,  it  is  often 
a  serious  matter  to  a  woman  when  it  is  mis-shapen. 


556 


THE  EYES,  EARS  AND  NOSE. 


"  The  fate  of  innumerable  girls  has  been  decided  by  a 
slight  upward  or  downward  curvature  of  the  nose,"  says 
Schopenhauer.  As  between  a  nose  which  is  too  large, 
or  one  too  small,  the  former  is  usually  preferred. 

The  treatment  of  various  deformities  has  made  great 
advance  within  the  last  few  decades.  Dr.  Cid,  a  distin- 
guished French  surgeon,  noticing  that  people  who  wear 
eye-glasses  are  apt  to  have  long,  thin  noses,  conjectured 
that  it  might  be  caused  by  having  the  circulation  of  the 
blood  impeded  by  the  pressure  of  the  glasses.  He  tested 
his  theory  by  constructing  an  instrument  to  compress 
the  arteries  of  the  nose,  which  he  applied  to  a  lady's 
face,  leaving  it  on  during  the  night,  and  in  three  weeks 
a  decided  change  was  apparent,  and  in  three  months 
her  nose  was  reduced  to  a  proper  size.  The  nose  is  not 
only  important  in  imparting  symmetry  and  beauty  to 
the  face,  but  it  also  plays  an  important  part  in  speech, 
and  in  warming  and  filtering  the  air  before  it  enters  the 
lungs. 

Children,  by  rubbing  or  wiping  their  noses,  often 
flatten  them  or  turn  them  up.  As  the  bones  are  then 
soft  and  pliable,  children  should  be  watched  by  their 
nurses  and  prevented  from  warping  them  out  of  shape. 

When  eye-glasses  are  worn,  they  often  produce 
callous  places  on  the  sides  of  the  nose.  To  remedy 
this,  their  position  should  be  changed. 

Small  pendant  tumors,  known  as  polypi-,  sometimes 
form  inside  the  nose  and  interfere  with  the  breathing 
and  give  the  voice  a  nasal  twang.  They  can  be  cured 
painlessly  by  electrolysis;  that  is,  by  passing  a  small 
wire  around  them  and  sending  a  galvanic  current  over 
it.    It  should  be  done  by  a  physician. 

When  in  perfect  health  the  discharges  from  the  nose 
should  be  odorless  and  not  excessive.  Any  unusual  dis- 
charge is,  therefore,  an  evidence  of  disease,  and  should 


THE  EYES,  EABS  AND  NOSE. 


557 


be  attended  to.  Catarrh,  or  common  cold,  should,  if 
possible,  be  checked  in  its  infancy. 

The  fine  hairs  at  the  entrance  of  the  nose  are  placed 
there  by  nature  to  prevent  the  entrance  of  foreign 
particles,  They  shonld  not  be  removed  unless  of  great 
extent.  If  they  grow  long  and  are  unsightly  they 
should  be  bent  out  of  the  way. 

Black  Heads.  —  Acne  is  the  correct  name  for 
those  unsightly  specs  which  often  disfigure  the  sides  of 
the  nose.  We  have  already  described  the  treatment 
among  the  "  Affections  of  the  Skin,"  which  see. 

Bleeding  from  the  iN'ose.— This  may  often  be 
stopped  by  pressing  with  the  finger  on  the  upper  lip 
just  below  the  nose.  Sometimes  a  wet  cloth  placed  on 
the  back  of  the  neck  or  between  the  shoulders  will 
contract  the  blood  vessels  and  stop  the  flow.  In  severe 
cases  a  plug  of  cotton,  to  which  a  thread  is  attached, 
may  be  dusted  over  with  tannin  and  inserted  in  the 
nose,  and  left  for  some  hours. 

Modifying  the  Shape  of  the  Nose  we  discussed 
near  the  close  of  our  article  on  '^Developing  Beauty  and 
Grace  in  Children,"  which  see. 

Kedness  of  the  Nose. — Its  treatment  is  dis- 
cussed among  the  "Affections  of  the  Skin,"  but  when  this 
is  due  to  intemperance  or  tight  lacing,  the  only  cure  is 
in  reforming  one's  habits. 

THE  EARS. 

The  ear  to  be  beautiful  should  be  of  moderate  size, 
and  about  half  as  broad  as  it  is  long.  The  lower  part 
should  be  free  and  not  attached  to  the  head,  and  the 
ear  should  be  inclined  backward  so  that  the  upper 
point  should  nearly  touch  the  head.  The  ears  are  com- 
posed entirely  of  cartilages  and  skin,  without  bones,  and 


558 


THE  EYES,  EAES  AND  NOSE. 


they  can  be  moulded  into  shape  even  more  readily  than 
the  nose.  The  practice  of  allowing  girls  to  wear  their 
hair  or  bonnet-strings  in  such  a  way  as  to  make  their 
ears  stand  out,  may  cause  a  very  mortifying  deformity, 
and  should  be  guarded  against.  It  is  no  longer  fashion- 
able to  wear  heavy  earrings  which  will  enlarge  the  lobes 
.r  of  the  ears,  but  small  earrings  are  often  worn. 

Large  and  Unsightly  Ears  may  be  trained  to  lie 
•  •'  '  close  to  the  head,  as  we  have  previously  explained  at 
the  close  of  our  chapter  on  "Developing  Grace  and 
Beauty  in  Children"  (which  see). 

The  Hair  in  the  Ear  Passage  is  placed  there  by 
Nature,  to  prevent  the  entrance  of  foreign  particles.  It 
should  not  be  removed,  but,  if  it  is  unsightly,  it  may  be 
bent  out  of  the  way. 

Stoppage  of  the  Bar.— The  ear  passage  will  some- 
times become  filled  with  the  waxy  substance  which  is 
secreted  by  the  glands  which  line  it,  and  this  will  cause 
deafness.  To  remedy  this,  pour  a  little  sweet  oil  or 
glycerine  into  the  ear,  and  leave  it  for  some  time  (over 
night  or  longer),  and  this  will  cut  the  waxy  secretion. 
It  can  then  be  washed  out  by  syringing  the  ear  with 
tepid  water,  containing  about  a  teaspoonful  of  bi-car- 
bonate  of  soda  to  the  tumbler  of  water.  The  water 
should  not  be  directed  straight  into  the  ear  passage,  but 
rather  against  the  sides,  as  a  direct  stream  may  injure 
the  tympanum.  The  amount  of  matter  discharged  will 
often  be  surprising.  If  the  first  trial  does  not  fully  clear 
the  ear,  repeat  the  operation  several  times,  if  need  be. 
After  the  removal  of  the  wax,  a  little  cotton  should  be 
worn  in  the  ear  for  a  few  days,  as  it  is  often  left  inflamed 
and  sensitive,  and  susceptible  to  cold. 

In  cleaning  the  ear,  an  ear-spoon  or  pin-head  should 
never  be  thrust  into  it  to  remove  the  wax,  as  the 
hearing  may  be  seriously  injured  by  such  a  practice. 


THE  MOUTH  AND  TEETH. 


ANTE  has  said  that  "  the  mouth  is  the  end 
of  love."  It  possesses  both  beauty  of  out- 
line and  the  charm  of  emotional  expression. 
Sir  Charles  Bell  has  said  that  "the  lips 
are,  of  all  the  features,  the  most  suscept- 
ible of  action,  and  the  most  direct  index  of ' 
the  feelings."  The  mouth  is  man's  most 
delicate  instrument  for  intellectual  and 
emotional  expression.  The  under  lips 
should  be  fuller  than  the  upper,  and  Winckelman  says, 
"  the  lips  answer  the  purpose  of  displaying  a  more 
brilliant  red  than  is  to  be  seen  elsewhere."  "  The  size 
and  shape  of  the  lips  afford  an  index  of  coarse  or  refined 
ancestry,"  says  Finck.  See,  for  a  beautiful  mouth,  the 
portrait  of  Diane  de  Poitiers  which  we  give,  and  some 
of  our  other  illustrations. 

THE  LiPS. 

The  skin  of  the  lips  being  very  thin  they  are  easily 
deranged,  and  often  the  atmosphere  will  cause  them  to 
chap  and  crack.  They  may  be  modified  or  distorted  by 
pernicious  habits.  Sucking  and  biting  their  lips,  which 
is  a  trick  of  some  children,  will  distort  them,  and,  unless 
the  habit  is  given  up,  may  cause  permanent  deformity. 
The  habit  of  making  mouths  never  adds  any  to  the 
emphasis  of  conversation,  and  is  to  be  condemned,  as  it 
may  lead  to  actual  malformations.  When  lips  are  too 
thin,  sucking  them  will  sometimes  increase  their  thick- 

(559) 


560 


THE  MOUTH  AND  TEETH. 


ness,  as  it  draws  the  blood  into  tliem  and  hence  increases 
their  nourishment.  When  too  large  they  may  sometimes, 
though  not  always,  be  reduced  by  compresses.  The 
great  increase  in  size  to  which  the  lips  of  some  girls, 
scrofulously  inclined,  are  subject,  can  usually  be  cured 
if  medical  advice  is  sought  in  time.  When  the  lip  turns 
out  at  every  laugh  or  smile,  as  it  does  with  some  people, 
displaying  the  red  lining  very  unpleasantly,  the  blemish 
may  be  cured  by  a  slight  surgical  operation.  When 
tumors  and  swellings  appear  upon  the  lips,  they  should 
be  promptly  submitted  to  medical  examination. 

Chaps  and  Roughness  of  the  Lips. — When 
these  affections  occur  as  the  result  of  cold,  or  from 
impaired  nutrition  of  the  mucous  memtrane,  the  follow- 
ing emollient  is  probably  as  good  as  any  known: 

Take  of  white  wax  ,  2  drachms. 

Spermaceti  2  drachms. 

Glycerine  2  drachms. 

Almond  oil  2  drachms. 


Melt  these  together  in  an  earthern  pot  over  a  slow 
fire,  and  mix  them  thoroughly.  By  retaining  the  same 
proportions  the  quantity  made  can  be  increased  or 
diminished. 

For  dry  lips  the  above  is  also  a  most  excellent 
preparation.  Half  a  drachm  of  rose-water  may  be 
added,  after  the  mixture  cools,  to  perfume  it  when 
desired. 

For  chaps,  glycerine  alone  is  good;  and  so,  also,  is 
cold  cream. 

Eruptions. — The  littleblueish  eruptions  that  make 
the  lips  sore  may  be  treated  with  an  alkaline  pomade 
like  the  following:  Take  one-half  ounce  of  white  wax, 
one-half  ounce  of  almond  oil,  and  nine  grains  of  carbonate 
of  soda.   Mix,  and  rub  on  the  lips.   Another  good  lotion 


THE  MADONNA  OF  THE  THUMB. 
(561) 


THE  MOUTH  AND  TEETH. 


563 


for  eruptions  on  the  lips  is  the  following:  Take  one 
scruple  of  tannin,  one  gill  of  water,  and  six  drops  of 
essence  of  bergamot.  Mix  thoroughly,  and  apply  with 
a  soft  linen  cloth. 

Fever  Blisters. — These  should  not  be  rubbed  or 
scratched.  Every  three  or  four  hours  they  may  be 
touched  with  the  following:  Take  one  teaspoonful  of 
glycerine,  ten  drops  of  carbolic  acid,  and  two  drops  of 
attar  of  roses.  Mix. 

Herpes  Labialis,  as  it  is  called,  an  eruption  which 
attacks  the  lips,  we  have  previously  treated  among  the 
"Affections  of  the  Skin  "  (which  see). 

Pale  Lips. — This  is  usually  an  indication  of  debility. 
In  such  cases,  constitutional  treatment  may  be  required. 
A  simple  local  treatment  is  to  rub  them  briskly  Y\"ith  a 
tooth-brush  or  a  woolen  cloth.  This  calls  the  blood  to 
the  surface,  and  the  glow  will  often  last  for  hours.  Cay- 
enne lozenges,  moistened  and  rubbed  over  the  lips,  will 
deepen  the  color  by  stimulating  the  blood  vessels.  A 
harmless  color  for  the  lips  may  be  made  as  follows : 

Take  of  oil  of  sweet  almonds  3  ounces. 


Melt  in  an  earthen  jar  over  a  slow  fire,  and  stir  well 
until  cold.  Perfume  with  a  little  rose  oil.  Put  some 
alkanet  powder  in  a  muslin  bag  and  let  it  soak  for  a 
week  or  ten  days  in  the  almond  oil  before  that  is  used. 
This  will  impart  a  red  color.  This  is  much  better  than 
any  preparation  of  poisonous  red  lead.  If  alkanet  root 
is  soaked  in  alcohol  for  three  or  four  days,  and  then 
strained  and  bottled,  it  makes  a  good  rouge  for  the  lips. 
It  may  be  applied  with  a  piece  of  linen. 

Red  and  Swollen  Lips. — For  these,  apply  a  warm 
bread-and-milk  poultice,  or  one  made  of  potatoes. 


Spermaceti 
Rice  flour. 


.  1  ounce. 
3^  ounce. 


THE  MOUTH  AND  TEETH. 


FOB  SOKE  TONGUE. 

The  simplest  remedy  is  to  wash  out  the  mouth  with 
the  following : 


As  these  are  essential  to  the  beauty  of  the  mouth,  they 
should  receive  proper  care.  They  should  be  thoroughly 
cleansed,  and  the  food,  sweetmeats,  etc.,  should  be 
washed  off  regularly  and  never  allowed  to  decay  on 
them,  nor  should  tooth-powder  used  for  the  teeth  be 
allowed  to  remain  on  the  gums.  When  pale,  rubbing 
them  briskly  will  set  the  blood  in  circulation  and  give 
them  a  healthy  color.  Eubbing  lemon  peel  on  the  gums 
to  redden  them  decays  the  teeth — it  should  not  be  done. 

Gum-boils. — If  these  are  caused  by  decayed  teeth, 
it  may  be  necessary  to  extract  them.  When  the  boils 
appear  to  be  ripe,  and  matter  is  detected,  they  may  be 
lanced.  To  hasten  the  suppuration  of  a  gum-boil,  hot 
water  may  be  held  in  the  mouth  for  several  minutes  at 
a  time ;  or  a  roasted  fig  may  be  opened,  while  hot,  and 
laid  on  the  affected  part. 

Tender  and  Spongy  Gums. — When  the  gums  are 
tender  and  spongy,  some  astringent  wash  should  be 
used.  Probably  nothing  is  better  than  to  brush  them 
with  a  few  drops  of  the  tincture  of  myrrh  on  a  tooth- 
brush. A  little  camphor  dissolved  in  alcohol  is  also 
good  for  this  purpose. 


Nothing  will  disgust  one  person  with  another  more 
quickly  than  a  foul-smelling  breath.  Often,  too,  the  one 


Take  of  glycerine  

Powdered  chalk. 
Water  

Skake  well  before  using. 


1  ounce. 
,  1  ounce. 
8  ounces.  Mix. 


THE  GUMS. 


THE  BREATH. 


THE  MOUTH  AND  TEETH. 


565 


thus  afflicted  is  ignorant  of  the  fact,  and  her  friends 
neglect  to  inform  her.  The  principal  causes  are  neg- 
lected teeth,  disordered  stomach  or  lungs,  and  diseases 
of  the  nasal  passages  and  throat,  like  catarrh.  Some 
foods,  also,  like  onions,  render  the  breath  very  offensive. 

Many  remedies  are  suggested  for  tainted  breath. 
When  the  teeth  are  the  cause,  they  should  be  washed 
with  some  good  disinfectant  dentifrice.  When  the  cause 
is  a  foul  stomach,  it  is  said  that  three  grains  of  chloride 
of  lime  in  one  wine-glass  of  water,  if  taken  several  times 
a  day,  will  relieve  it;  or  twenty  grains  of  bisulphate  of 
soda  in  water,  taken  twice  a  day,  is  good.  So,  also, 
eating  charcoal  corrects  this  trouble,  but  a  mild  cathartic 
should  be  taken  afterward,  to  clear  the  charcoal  from 
the  system.  A  few  grains  of  coffee,  fresh  nuts  or  orange- 
flower  tea,  are  excellent,  when  the  diet  simply  is  the 
cause.  Cloves,  cardamon  seed  and  allspice  are  not 
suitable  for  ladies — they  are  too  suggestive  of  the  dissi- 
pated man's  devices.  As  for  onions,  the  remedy  for 
their  foul  odor  is  simple — don't  eat  them,  or  else  lock 
yourself  in  your  own  room  until  their  odor  is  gone. 

If  due  attention  is  paid  to  the  teeth  and  health,  a 
small  piece  of  licorice  root  dissolved  in  the  mouth  is  all 
that  is  needed  to  purify  the  breath.  It  has  no  smell,  it 
sweetens  the  mouth  and  stomach,  and  it  can  be  easily 
kept  on  the  toilet  table. 

Washing  or  rinsing  the  mouth  twice  a  day  with  a 
wash  made  by  dissolving  fifteen  grains  of  chlorate  of 
potash  in  one  ounce  of  water,  is  also  an  excellent  remedy 
for  offensive  breath. 

Pastiles  for  the  Breath. — Lozenges  made  in  the 
following  manner  will  check  decay  of  the  teeth,  neutralize 
acidity  of  the  stomach  and  disguise  offensive  breath. 
Take  seven  drachms  of  chlorate  of  lime,  three  drachms 
of  vanilla  sugar,  and  five  drachms  of  gum  arabic.  Mix 


5GG 


THE  MOUTH  AND  TEETH. 


into  a  stiff  paste  with  warm  water,  roll  out  and  cut  into 
lozenges. 

Smokers'  Breath.— An  old  formula  for  removing 
the  odor  of  tobacco  from  the  mouth  after  smoking,  and 
which  is  to  be  used  as  a  wash,  is  the  following:  Take  of 
calcium  chloride  two  drachms,  and  water  one  ounce. 
Agitate  for  half  an  hour  and  filter.  Then  add  of  rectified 
spirits  one  ounce,  and  rose-water  one  half  ounce.  Of  this 
use  a  teaspoonful  in  a  wine-glass  of  tepid  water. 

THE  TEETH. 

A  Rood,  even,  white  set  of  teeth  is  very  essential  to 
beauty  and  health.  When  an  otherwise  beautiful  face  is 
disfigured  by  imperfect  teeth,  a  feeling  of  inharmony  is 
produced  on  anyone  who  sees  them.  Rousseau  says:  "  A 
woman  with  fine  teeth  cannot  be  ugly . ' '  Among  the  strange 
fashions  of  savage  tribes,  some  women  paint  their  teeth 
alternately,  black,  red,  blue,  etc.,  and  some  knock  out 
two  or  more  of  their  front  teeth.  Civilized  races,  how- 
ever, know  that  the  loss  of  a  few  front  teeth  will  make 
any  one  look  both  ugly  and  old. 

The  teeth  should  be  brushed  regularly  after  each 
meal,  with  water,  and  also  at  night  and  in  the  morning. 
A  soft  tooth-brush  should  be  used.  Once  a  day  use 
some  of  the  dentifrices  we  shall  hereafter  recommend. 
The  teeth  should  be  brushed  on  the  inside  and  on  top, 
as  well  as  on  the  outside,  care  being  taken  to  cleanse 
them  in  every  part.  A  stiff  brush  scratches  the  gums 
and  is  injurious.  Tepid  water  should  be  used,  as  very 
cold  or  very  hot  water  is  harmful.  After  brushing  in 
the  morning,  the  mouth  may  be  rinsed  with  tepid  water 
containing  a  few  drops  of  tincture  of  myrrh.  Children 
should  be  taught  while  young  to  care  for  their  teeth. 

Wood  or  quill  toothpicks  are  the  best,  and  the  par- 
ticles of  food  between  the  teeth  should  be  cleansed  out 


THE  MOUTH  AND  TEETH. 


567 


after  each  meal.  Gold  or  metal  toothpicks  of  any  kind 
should  not  be  nsed. 

Extremely  hot  or  cold  food  or  drinks  are  undoubtedly 
very  injuiious  to  the  teeth.  The  custom  of  eating 
extremely  hot  food  at  all  meals  is  bad  for  teeth,  bones, 
hair  and  complexion;  and  to  alternate  from  hot  to  cold 
(as  from  hot  soup  to  ice  water)  is  very  destructive  to 
the  teeth,  and  yet  it  is  quite  a  common  practice  by  many 
people  who  seem  ignorant  of  the  consequences. 

Acids  destroy  the  enamel,  tooth  left  for  twenty- 
four  hours  in  a  mineral  acid  will  become  so  soft  that  it 
can  be  dented  with  the  fingers.  Even  lemon-juice  is 
injurious;  and  people  who  habitually  take  acid  drinks 
suffer  fi'om  decay  or  caries  of  the  teeth.  Acids  should, 
therefore,  never  be  used  for  dentrifices.  They  may 
whiten  the  teeth  for  the  time  being,  but  they  inevitably 
destroy  them  in  the  long  run.  "Whenever  much  vinegar 
is  taken  with  the  food  the  teeth  should  be  cleansed  at 
once  after  the  meal. 

All  toilet  preparations  for  the  mouth  should  be 
either  astringent,  alkaline,  antiseptic  or  inert.  The 
excessive  use  of  mineral  drugs  by  children,  like  prepara- 
tions of  iron  or  mercury,  will  injure  the  teeth. 

All  preparations  containing  alum  or  tartaric  acid 
should  be  discarded,  and  never,  on  any  account,  used  on 
the  teeth. 

Soap  dentrifices  tend  to  make  the  teeth  yellow,  if 
habitually  used,  and  we  counsel  against  them. 

Camphorated  chalk  is  antiseptic,  and  an  excellent 
dentifrice. 

Decayed  Teeth. — When  the  teeth  begin  to  decay, 
a  dentist  should  be  consulted  and  the  cavity  filled.  This 
will  check  the  decay  and  preserve  the  teeth.  Teeth 
which  can  be  saved  should  be  preserved  instead  of 
being  pulled.    A  tooth  which  cannot  be  filled  should 


568 


THE  MOUTH  AND  TEETH. 


be  extracted,  as  a  decaying  tooth  is  not  only  unsightly 
but  it  is  a  continual  source  of  danger  to  the  sound  con- 
tiguous teeth,  and  affects  the  breath,  impairs  the  diges- 
tion and  deteriorates  the  general  heath. 

Discoloration. — When  the  teeth  become  brown,  so 
that  the  usual  tooth  powders  fail  to  cleanse  them,  they  may 
be  rubbed  with  a  piece  of  cambric  moistened  and  dipped 
in  pulverized  pumice-stone;  or,  instead  of  that,  a  piece 
of  soft  wood,  about  one-fourth  inch  wide,  and  sharpened 
like  a  chisel,  may  be  used  with  the  pumice-stone.  After- 
ward the  teeth  can  be  thoroughly  rinsed  with  tepid 
water.  Or  a  little  lemon-juice  may  be  used  on  a  tooth- 
brush or  rag,  but  the  teeth  should  be  thoroughly  cleansed 
afterward,  and  the  lemon-juice  should  be  rarely  used. 
Of  the  two  we  recommend  the  pumice-stone  as  the  safest 
thing  for  this  purpose. 

Irregular  Teeth. — When  the  teeth  are  growing 
they  should  be  frequently  inspected,  and  if  the  second 
teeth  manifest  a  tendency  to  grow  irregularly,  they 
should  be  pressed  wdth  the  fingers,  once  each  day,  in 
the  right  direction,  and  they  will  soon  yield  to  this 
treatment.    If  one  of  the  first  set  (or  milk  teeth)  is  not 
out  of  the  way  when  the  second  appears  it  will  some- 
times crowd  the  second  tooth  out  of  place,  and  so, 
possibly,  make  the  whole  set  irregular.     To  prevent 
this,  the  milk  teeth  should  be  pulled  if  they  remain  in 
too  long.    When  the  second  teeth  are  growing  they 
should  not  be  used  to  bite  hard  crusts,  etc.,  as  that  will 
often  crowd  them  out  of  position.    If  the  teeth  are  too 
much  crowded,  it  may  be  necessary  to  pull  one  to  make 
room  for  the  others.    Sucking  the  thumb  by  children 
should  not  be  allowed,  as  it  often  results  in  that  undue 
prominence  of  the  upper  teeth  which  is  so  unsightly, 
and  which  is  a  reflection  on  the  training  it  received. 
A  tooth  which  has  been  neglected  and  allowed  to 


THE  MOUTH  AND  TEETH. 


569 


grow  directly  outward  or  inward  should  be  extracted, 
as  it  may  irritate  the  tongue  or  cheek  if  it  is  a  molar  or 
bicuspid;  and  if  an  incisor  or  canine,  it  will  be  yery 
unsightly. 

Tarter. — This  is  an  accumulation  which  forms  on 
the  teeth,  and  oftenest  with  those  who  are  not  in  very 
good  health.  Brushing  the  teeth  every  day  with  suit- 
able dentrifices  will  prevent  its  accumulation  usually. 
Behind  the  front  teeth  quite  a  deposit  will  sometimes 
accumulate.  This  is  best  removed  by  a  dentist,  who 
will  cut  it  out  with  an  instrument  for  the  purpose.  It 
may  be  removed  with  mineral  acids  also,  but  we  have 
already  explained  the  danger  of  ruining  the  teeth  with 
these,  and  we  advise  our  readers  not  to  use  them.  Small 
deposits  on  the  front  of  the  teeth  may  be  removed  by 
pumice-stone,  as  described  under  "  Discoloration." 

Toothache. — This  may  result  from  colds  and  expos- 
ure, or  from  the  decaying  of  the  teeth.  If  the  tooth  is 
decayed,  a  dentist  should  be  consulted  and  the  tooth 
filled.  The  number  of  "  infallible  "  cures  for  toothache 
is  almost  legion.  Among  them  are:  To  insert  in  the 
hollow  of  the  tooth  a  little  cotton  wet  with  creosote, 
which  acts  as  an  astringent  and  antiseptic;  or  inserting 
a  little  gall-nut  in  the  hollow  of  the  tooth,  which  acts  as 
an  astringent.  Alum  and  salt  are  both  used,  and  both 
are  astringents.  Bicarbonate  of  soda  in  hot  water  often 
acts  like  a  charm,  and  it  acts  by  soothing  the  irritated 
nerve.  The  preparations  of  opium  (especially  lau- 
danum), alcohol  and  tobacco,  are  all  used  with  good 
effect  at  times,  and  act  by  stupefying  the  nerves.  In 
case  of  violent  pain,  it  can  usually  be  checked  by  apply- 
ing hot  flannels  externally ;  at  the  same  time,  prepare  a 
wine-glassful  of  warm  water,  containing  eighty  drops  of 
laudanum.  First  wash  the  mouth  with  this,  and  then 
hold  some  in  the  mouth  on  the  affected  side.    As  this  is 


570 


THE  MOUTH  AND  TEETH. 


an  opiate,  none  of  it  should  be  swallowed.  After  the 
pain  subsides,  a  strong  solution  of  tannin  may  be  used 
as  a  mouth  wash,  and  it  will  hinder  the  return  of  the 
pain.  The  daily  use  of  this,  or  salt  in  tepid  water,  will 
harden  the  nerve  pulp,  and  so  check  the  pain  from 
starting  again. 

Tooth  Powders.— One  of  the  best  dentifrices  known, 
is  recently  prepared  fine  charcoal  —  especially  that  of 
the  areca-nut.  It  has  deodorizing  properties  and  acts 
mechanically  as  well  as  chemically.  It  cleans  the  teeth 
by  friction,  without  scratching,  as  harder  substances  are 
apt  to  do.   The  following  formula  will  be  found  good: 


Take  of  powdered  charcoal  5  ounces. 

Cuttle-fish  bone  (powdered)  .2  ounces. 

Myrrh  1  ounce. 

Orris  root  1  ounce.  Mix. 


Or  like  proportions  in  other  quantities.  This  is  a  safe 
and  good  tooth  powder,  and  much  better  than  the  usual 
articles  sold  in  the  stores.  Unless  made  of  the  areca- 
nut  charcoal,  this  dentifrice  is  black,  its  color  being  the 
only  objection  to  it.  Hard- wood  charcoals,  like  hickory 
or  maple,  are  best  for  the  teeth. 

Camphorated  chalk  possesses  antiseptic  qualities  as 
well  as  those  of  an  inert  nature,  and  it  makes  an  excel- 
lent tooth  powder.  The  proportion  should  be  one  of 
camphor  to  eleven  of  chalk. 

When  teeth  manifest  a  tendency  to  decay,  an  excellent 
antiseptic  tooth  lotion  is  the  following: 

Take  of  camphor  1  drachm. 

Rectified  spirits  20  drops. 

Distilled  water  1  pint.  Mix. 

Or  take  one  ounce  of  tincture  of  myrrh,  and  one 
ounce  of  compound  tincture  of  cinchona,  and  one  ounce 
of  distilled  water.  Mix. 


THE  MOUTH  AXD  TEETH. 


571 


When  the  gums  are  spongy,  tender  or  disposed  to 


recede  from  the  teeth,  the  following  may  be  used: 

Take  of  tannin  3^  drachm. 

Tincture  of  myrrh   6  fluid  drachms. 

Spirit  of  horse  radish  2  ounces. 

Tincture  of  tohi  2  fluid  drachms. 

Stir  and  skake  nntil  complete  solution  occurs. 

An  old  and  tried  tooth  powder  is  the  following: 

Take  of  prepared  chalk  2  ounces. 

Cuttle-fish  bone  (powdered)  1  ounce. 

Orris  root  1  ounce. 

Myrrh  3^  ounce. 

Sulphate  of  quinine  10  grains.  Mix. 

Piesse  and  Luhin^s  Tooih  Powders  are  made  as  fol- 
lows: 

Take  of  precipitated  chalk  M  pound. 

Orris  powder  %  pound. 

Carmine  }^  drachm. 

Powdered  sugar  Yq  pound. 

Attar  of  roses  and  neroH,  each  %  drachm. 


Or  like  proportions  for  smaller  quantities. 

Sozodont,  and  various  liquid  tooth  preparations, 
have  for  their  basis  a  tincture  of  soap- bark.  They 
produce  a  fi'oth  in  the  mouth,  like  soap,  and  are  cleans- 
ing. An  excellent  preparation,  similar  to  sozodont, 
which  should  be  shaken  before  using,  is  made  as  follows: 


Take  of  tincture  of  soap-bark   .  1  ounce. 

Essence  of  wintergreen  4  drachms. 

Tincture  of  myrrh  2  drachms. 

Paregoric  2  drachms. 

Water  (pure)  6  ounces. 


THE  HANDS  AND  ARMS. 


EATJTIFULLY  formed  hands  and  arms  are 
a  great  attraction,  and,  alas,  they  are  quite 
too  rare.  Long,  slim  or  bony  arms  are  not 
compatible  with  beauty.  They  suggest 
emaciation  and  a  want  of  vigor  and  health. 
The  arms  of  savages  are  longer  and  not  so 
full  and  well  rounded  as  those  of  civilized 
men,  being  about  midway  between  those  of 
civilized  men  and  their  simian  relatives( !). 
No  other  organ  of  the  body,  however,  is  so  highly 
developed  and  adapted  to  such  varied  uses  as  the  hand. 
It  fashions  all  man's  tools,  and  supplies  his  art  and 
music.  It  is  also  capable  of  great  emotional  expression, 
varying  from  the  caress  of  love  to  the  strike  of  hate. 
We  give  an  illustration  showing  a  fine  arm  and  hand. 
A  beautiful  hand  should  be  rather  long  and  somewhat 
tapering,  and  the  fingers  also  tapering  and  long.  The 
arm  should  be  plump,  round,  white,  small  at  the  wrist, 
and  gracefully  tapering. 

THE  HANDS. 

Some  one  has  not  inaptly  termed  the  hand  "the 
second  face."  Balzac  says  that  "men  of  superior 
intellect  almost  always  have  beautiful  hands,  the  per- 
fection of  which  is  the  distinctive  indication  of  a  high 
dlestination  "  It  is  not  very  difficult  to  keep  the  hands 
smooth  and  soft,  although  in  few  cases  are  they  perfectly 
formed.    As  well  kept  hands  are  one  of  the  chief  points 

(572) 


THE  HANDS  AND  AKMS. 


573 


of  beauty,  every  woman  who  would  preserve  her  attrac- 
tions should  bestow  careful  attention  to  those  details 
which  affect  their  appearance.  Most  women  must 
engage  in  some  useful  household  occupation,  but  a  little 
attention  will  keep  the  skin  of  their  hands  soft  and  fine, 
and  the  nails  well  rounded  and  polished. 

To  keep  the  hands  soft  and  clean  wash  them  in  soft 
water  ( we  have  explained  the  advantages  of  soft  water 
in  our  chapter  on  the  complexion)  containing  a  little 
borax  or  ammonia.  Hands  which  easily  become  rough 
and  red  are  much  benefited  by  washing  them  in  oatmeal 
water.  It  softens  and  whitens  the  skin.  Take  a  table- 
spoonful  of  oatmeal  to  a  pint  of  water,  bring  it  to  a  boil 
and  then  set  it  aside  to  cool ;  then  strain  and  use  the 
liquid  night  and  morning  to  wash  with.  This  is  really 
a  most  excellent  thing.  Let  the  hands  soak  in  it  and  it 
will  take  out  the  cracks  at  the  sides  of  the  fingers,  etc. 
The  beautiful  Countess  of  Jersey  always  used  oatmeal 
gruel  as  a  lotion,  and  she  retained  her  charms  till  quite 
old.  As  this  lotion  sours  soon,  it  should  be  made  fresh 
every  day.  It  will  enhance  its  whitening  effects  if  an 
equal  quantity  of  starch  is  added. 

The  treatment  which  is  suitable  for  some  hands  is  not 
adapted  for  others.  Hands  which  are  very  coarse  and 
red  may  be  washed  in  warm  soft  water,  to  which  a  few 
grains  of  chloride  of  lime  have  been  added.  All  rings 
and  bracelets  must  be  removed  before  using  this,  as  it 
will  tarnish  them.  Preparations  of  corrosive  sublimate, 
which  are  sometimes  used,  are  liable  to  irritate  the  skin, 
and  must  be  handled  with  extreme  care. 
Always  wash  the  hands  in  warm  water. 
Another  good  method  of  whitening  and  softening 
the  hands  is  to  wash  them  at  night,  cover  them  with 
glycerine,  and  then  wear  through  the  night  large  mittens 
filled  with  moist  bran  or  oatmeal.    The  mittens  should 


574 


THE  HANDS  AND  ARMS. 


be  secured  by  a  wide  band  at  the  wrists,  to  prevent  the 
oatmeal  or  bran  from  escaping,  which  would  be  very 
disagreeable;  but  this  band  should  not  be  too  tight,  as 
that  would  check  the  circulation  of  the  blood  and  cause 
a  red  and  congested  state  of  the  skin.  The  bran  or  oat- 
meal should  be  only  slightly  moistened.  If  it  is  too  wet 
it  will  act  as  a  poultice  and  cause  a  dense,  soft,  white 
thickening  of  the  flesh  on  the  hands.  A  lady  noted  for 
her  soft  and  beautiful  hands  surprised  some  of  her 
acquaintanoes  by  saying  that  she  did  a  great  deal  of 
housework,  but  kept  them  white  by  wearing  mittens,  as 
above  directed. 

Gloves  of  india  rubber,  without  cosmetics,  are  worn 
by  many  ladies  during  the  night,  and  highly  prized. 
They  act  by  keeping  the  hands  warm  and  moist. 

Another  excellent  plan  is :  Wash  the  hands  thoroughly 
in  warm  water  on  retiring,  dry  perfectly,  and  then 
cover  them  with  glycerine  or  the  almond  paste  which  we 
next  describe.  Then  wear,  during  the  night,  a  pair  of 
old  and  loose  kid  gloves;  or,  instead,  wear  a  pair  of 
chevrette  gloves.  If  genuine  almond  paste  is  used,  such 
gloves  will  last  for  months. 

Almond  paste  is  an  excellent  thing  to  soften  and 
whiten  the  hands.  It  is  made  as  follows:  Take  two 
ounces  each  of  sweet  and  bitter  almonds,  from  which 
every  particle  of  the  outer  brown  skins  must  be  removed 
before  using,  as  it  will  spoil  the  preparation  to  leave 
them  on.  Pound  these  to  a  paste  in  a  porcelain  mortar^ 
and  work  them  up  with  half  an  ounce  of  Windsor  soap, 
cut  in  fine  shreds.  To  this  add  two  drachms  of  sper- 
maceti, one-half  ounce  of  oil  of  almonds,  and  twelve 
drops  of  oil  of  bergamot.  Melt  them  all  together,  with 
a  gentle  heat.  Stir  until  perfectly  mixed,  and  pour  it 
into  china  pots  to  cool.   In  these  it  may  be  kept  for  use. 

The  flushed  faces  and  red  hands  of  school -girls  who 


THE  HANDS  AND  AKMS. 


575 


study  a  great  deal  without  proper  exercise,  should  be 
treated  by  hot  foot-baths,  regular  and  abundant  sleep 
and  exercise,  as  explained  under  "  Affections  of  the 
Skin." 

When  the  hands  are  discolored  by  sun,  wind  or  work, 
an  excellent  preparation  to  whiten  them  is  made  as  fol- 
lows: Take  a  wine-glassful  each  of  honey,  lemon- juice 
and  eau  de  cologne,  and  mix  them  thoroughly.  Then 
keep  the  preparation  for  use  in  a  closely-corked  glass 
or  earthen  jar.    This  may  be  used  day  or  night. 

Washing  the  hands  in  hot  water  containing  fine  sand 
will  remove  the  roughness  caused  by  housework.  The 
powdered  quartz  sold  for  filters,  or  the  best  flint  sand, 
are  the  best  for  this  purpose.  To  use  it,  first  remove  any 
stains  as  we  have  elsewhere  directed,  and  then  rub  the 
hands  for  several  minutes  in  a  basin  of  this  sand  and 
water,  quite  hot,  and  the  best  soap  suds.  Einse  them  in 
warm  lather  of  good  soap,  dry  them,  and  rub  them  with 
corn-meal  or  dry  bran.  Then  dust  this  off,  and  rub 
cold  cream  well  into  the  skin.  This  may  be  done  each 
day.  The  sand  may  be  used  over  and  over  again,  and 
only  needs  to  be  rinsed  and  covered  with  water  to  keep 
it  from  blowing  about. 

Pumice  stone  (get  only  the  finer  grades  sold  by  all 
druggists)  is  used  by  many  persons,  and  should  be  on 
all  washing-stands.  It  will  rub  out  slight  stains  or 
marks,  and  smooth  down  hard  surfaces  and  rough  skins. 
As  it  will  take  off  the  polish,  it  should  not  be  used  on  • 
the  nails. 

Holding  the  hand  on  a  revolving  grindstone  will 
take  off  calosities  and  stains  at  the  same  time. 

Chaps. — Hands  which  have  a  tendency  to  chap  may 
be  treated  as  follows:  Keep  a  pot  of  honey  on  the 
wash-stand,  and  after  washing  the  hands,  and  just  before 
drying  them,  dip  a  finger  in  the  honey  and  rub  it  all 


576 


THE  HANDS  AND  ARMS. 


over  the  hands.  Then  rinse  slightly,  dry  carefully,  and 
dust  a  little  oatmeal  on  them,  and  rub  this  off  with  a 
dry  towel. 

We  would  suggest  to  our  readers  that  absolute  dry- 
ness of  the  hands,  especially  before  going  into  the  open 
air,  is  probably  the  best  and  all-sufficient  preventive  of 
chaps. 

Camphor  balls  have  been  popularly  regarded  as  a 
specific  for  chaps  and  abrasions,  and  we  give  the  recipe 
for  making  them,  as  it  may  interest  some  of  our  readers : 

Take  of  spermaceti  2  ounces. 

Refined  white  wax  2  ounces. 

Almond  oil  (sweet)  3€  pint. 

Melt  by  a  gentle  heat,  and  as  it  is  dissolving  add  one 
drachm  of  balsam  of  Peru.  Then  add  one  ounce  of 
camphor,  rubbed  up  with  a  few  drops  of  alcohol,  and 
stir  until  all  are  dissolved  thoroughly,  and  as  the  mix- 
ture begins  to  cool,  pour  it  into  slightly  warmed  moulds 
or  egg-cups,  and  let  it  cool.  It  will  then  be  ready  for 
use. 

For  further  hints  on  chaps,  see  the  chapter  on  "  The 
Affections  of  the  Skin." 

Chilblains. — These  are  caused  by  frosted  or  con- 
gealed blood,  and  they  are  more  easily  prevented  than 
cured.  With  proper  care  they  may  be  prevented  or  arrested 
before  going  beyond  the  first  stage.  If  neglected  they  dis- 
figure the  hands,  and  some  persons  suffer  terribly  with 
them.  Friction  is  earnestly  advised  on  their  first  appear- 
ance, together  with  the  application  of  one  of  the  following 
lotions:  (1)  Take  one  part  spirits  of  wine  and  five 
parts  spirits  of  rosemary,  and  mix.  (2)  A  more  active 
lotion  is  the  following:  Take  ten  drachms  of  compound 
soap  liniment  (opodildoc)  and  two  drops  of  tincture  of 
cantharades;  mix.  One  of  these  two  may  be  briskly 
rubbed  in  on  the  first  appearance  of  redness  or  irritation. 


THE  HANDS  AND  AEMS. 


577 


If  they  are  neglected  until  they  appear  and  become 
troublesome,  one  of  the  foregoing  lotions  may  be  applied 
with  friction  every  two  hours  until  relieved.  Tincture 
of  myrrh  in  water  should  be  applied  to  broken  or  ulcer- 
ated chilblains. 

To  prevent  them,  which  is  much  better  than  to  try 
to  cure  them  when  they  appear,  dress  warmly  and  avoid 
subjecting  the  skin  to  sudden  changes  of  temperature, 
such  as  coming  in  from  the  intense  cold  and  warming 
the  chilled  hands  or  feet  by  the  fire.  This  is  the  com- 
mon cause  of  chilblains.  On  the  first  appearance  of 
cold  weather  attend  to  the  clothing.  Have  the  dress 
sleeves  warmly  lined,  and  let  them  reach  to  the  wrist. 
A  pretty  cuff  will  help  their  appearance.  On  going  out 
into  the  cold  wear  warm  gloves  and  long  warm  wristlets. 
Also  wear  long  woolen  stockings  held  up  by  suspenders, 
as  cold  feet  affect  the  whole  body — the  head  and  hands 
especially.  Avoid  putting  the  hands  into  very  cold 
or  very  hot  water  as  much  as  possible,  and  at  night 
wash  the  hands  and  wrists  in  cool  water  containing  a 
teaspoonful  of  ammonia,  and  then  rub  them  briskly  for 
a  few  minutes  to  stimulate  the  circulation.  These 
precautions,  and  the  treatment  indicated,  will  prevent 
chilblains — or,  at  least,  check  their  going  beyond  the 
first  and  easily-cured  stage. 

To  keep  the  hands  and  feet  in  an  unnatural  state  of 
perspiration  by  wearing  woolen  stockings  and  gloves  at 
night,  as  some  ladies  do,  makes  them  sensitive  and 
easily  affected  by  the  cold. 

Enlarged  Veins. — The  veins  on  the  back  of  the 
hands,  which  should  be  only  just  visible,  swell  and 
annoy  some  people.  The  pressure  of  dress  sleeves  at 
the  arm-pit  does  more  than  anything  else  to  produce 
this.  The  remedy  then  is  to  avoid  tight  sleeves.  When 
the  veins  are  swelled,  wear  gloves  which  fit  moderately 


578 


THE  HANDS  AND  AEMS. 


tight.    Bathing  the  hands  in  vinegar  is  said  to  help  the 
trouble,  and  avoid  using  very  hot  water. 

Finger-Stalls. — Finger-stalls  are  now  made  which 
are  worn  by  some  ladies  to  shape  the  fingers  from  the 
first  joint  to  the  end. 

Needle  Pricks. — The  needle  pricks  which  disfigure 
the  fingers  of  so  many  ladies  after  they  have  been  sew- 
ing, may  be  removed  by  rubbing  them  with  coarse 
pumice  stone  If  the  finger  is  rubbed  down  until  it 
smarts,  it  may  be  smeared  with  vaseline,  and  the  finger 
of  an  old  glove  slipped  on,  which  will  cure  the  soreness 
in  a  single  night. 

Profuse  Perspiration. — Some  people  are  troubled 
with  excessive  perspiration  of  the  palms  of  the  hands, 
giving  them  a  moist  and  clammy  feeling,  which  is  very 
unpleasant.    This  is  usually  worse  in  warm  than  in 
cold  weather,  and  it  varies  in  different  individuals.  It 
is  difficult  to  cure.    Light  forms  of  the  complaint  may 
be  treated  by  washing  the  hands  in  warm  soft  water, 
and,  after  drying  carefully,  apply  powdered  lycopodium, 
fuller's  earth  or  oxide  of  zinc.    Starch  and  rice  flour 
are  also  sometimes  used.     Kubbing  the  hands  with 
lemon- juice  is  also  useful  in  such  cases;  but  it  must  not 
be  used  at  the  same  time  as  soap.   Other  good  remedies 
are:    To  add  two  or  three  drachms  of  alum,  or  a  few 
grains  of  tannin  to  the  pint  of  water  in  which  the 
hands  are  washed,  or  one  or  two  drachms  of  sulphate  of 
zinc.    A  good  powder  to  apply  to  the  hands  in  such 
cases  is  the  following:     Take  one-third  of  an  ounce 
of  salicylic  acid,  two-thirds  of  an  ounce  of  talc,  and 
nine  ounces  of  starch  (all  powdered),  and  mix  them 
thoroughly.    Use  like  proportions  for  larger  quantities. 
Obstinate  cases  may  be  treated  with  astringent  and 
alcoholic  lotions.   In  these  cases,  also,  belladonna  is  one 
of  the  best  remedies.    Wash  the  hands  three  times  a 


THE  HAKDS  AND  ARMS- 


581 


day  with  carbolic  acid  soap,  and  warm  soft  water  con- 
taining one-half  drachm  of  extract  of  belladona  to  the 
pint.  As  this  complaint  is  usually  associated  with 
enfeebled  health,  attention  should  be  paid  to  the  diet, 
avoiding  alcoholic  beverages,  tea,  coffee,  pickles  and 
highly-spiced  dishes,  and  tonics  should  be  taken.  See, 
also,  the  chapter  on  The  Affections  of  the  Skin,"  under 
"Profuse  Perspiration." 

Temporary  moisture  of  the  hands  may  be  remedied 
by  rubbing  them  with  prepared  chalk  or  pulverized 
lycopodium. 

Stains. — Stains  caused  by  paints,  ink,  fruit  and 
similar  things,  can  be  removed  by  putting  a  few  drops 
of  oil  of  vitriol  in  cold  water  and  washing  the  hands 
with  it  and  without  soap.  After  using  acid  on  the  hands, 
always  rub  them  with  cold  cream  or  oil,  to  replace  the 
natural  oil  of  the  skin  which  the  acid  removes.  Am- 
monia will  cut  paint,  and  also  analine  dyes,  but  use  it 
alone,  without  soap,  as  that  will  set  the  dye.  Lemon- 
juice  will  remove  many  stains,  and  light  stains  can  be 
cut  or  filed  off  with  pumice  stone,  or  sand,  as  elsewhere 
explained.  Light  surface  stains  can  be  removed  by 
rubbing  the  hands  with  vaseline,  and  then  washing  them 
in  warm  water  and  soap.  Vegetable  stains  may  be 
removed  by  rubbing  the  hands  with  a  slice  of  raw 
potato,  which  our  country  readers  will  take  note  of. 
See,  also,  what  we  say  about  stains  in  the  chapter  on 
The  Affections  of  the  Skin." 
A  Stain  or  Dye  for  the  finger  tips,  which  is 
harmless,  is  the  preparation  of  alkanet  given  for 
pale  lips.  The  shade  can  be  varied  and  made  quite 
delicate,  and  a  very  pretty  color  given  to  the  finger 
ends. 

Warts,  and  various  other  affections,  are  treated 
in  the  chapter  on  "Affections  of  the  Skin." 


582 


THE  HANDS  AND  ARMS. 


THE  NAILS. 

Eosy  or  pink  nails  are  said  to  indicate  health,  and, 
certainly,  beautiful  nails  greatly  enhance  the  appearance 
of  the  hands.  Among  the  Chinese  and  other  nations,  long 
nails  are  prized  as  an  evidence  of  nobility,  and  occasion- 
ally, in  civilized  countries,  individuals  wear  long  nails, 
to  indicate  that  they  do  no  manual  labor;  but  this  foolish 
vanity  finds  no  countenance  among  refined  people.  Even 
those  ladies  who  are  forced  to  use  their  hands,  by  doing 
their  househould  work  or  otherwise,  can,  with  a  little 
attention,  keep  their  nails  in  good  condition.  The  long, 
pointed  nails  are  easily  broken,  and  the  wisest  way  is  to 
keep  them  trimmed  closely,  and  neatly  rounded,  to  con- 
form to  the  shape  of  the  finger  end. 

The  nails  should  be  shortened  frequently  with  a  file, 
as  that  gives  a  cleaner,  neater  edge  than  any  knife  or 
scissors.  The  file  should  be  held  parallel  with  the  nail 
when  used  at  the  side,  and  at  a  slight  angle  in  the 
center.  This  will  give  a  contour  to  the  nail  which  is 
much  desired,  and  which  is  obtainable  in  no  other  way. 
The  shortening  should  begin  as  far  back  as  where  the 
nail  joins  the  flesh  at  the  side,  and  lengthened  in  the 
center.  If  scissors  are  used  (they  are  better  than  a 
knife,  although  not  as  good  as  a  file),  they  should  only 
be  applied  just  after  washing  the  hands  and  while  the 
nails  are  soft,  as,  when  thej^  are  hard  and  dry,  they  are 
apt  to  break  and  leave  a  ragged  edge  when  cut. 

The  skin  which  grows  naturally  over  the  root  and 
sides  of  the  nails  should  be  pushed  back  freely  once  a 
day  and  tucked  under  itself,  to  reveal  the  white  crescent 
which  is  called  "  the  mark  of  beauty,"  and  which  lies  at 
the  base  of  the  nail.  This  should  be  done  just  after 
washing  the  hands,  and  while  the  skin  is  soft.  Use  a 
blunt  ivory  instrument  which  is  made  for  the  purpose. 


THE  HANDS  AND  ARMS. 


583 


and  which  can  be  bought  at  any  drug  store.  Also,  in 
drying  the  hands  after  washing  them,  push  the  flesh 
back  from  the  nail  with  the  towel.  These  things  will 
soon  keep  the  flesh  back  in  good  form. 

To  clean  the  nails,  if  they  are  trimmed  closely,  wash- 
ing them  with  a  good  nail  brush  is  often  sufficient.  Do 
not  scrape  the  under  side  with  a  sharp  knife,  but  use  a 
sharp-pointed  ivory  instrument  to  remove  the  dirt.  It 
is  much  better  for  the  nail. 

The  nails  can  be  best  polished  with  a  little  pad,  cov- 
ered with  chamois  skin.  These  can  be  obtained  at  any 
drug  store,  and  go  with  every  manicure  set.  A  fine 
appearance  can  be  given  to  the  nails  by  polishing  them, 
after  they  have  been  washed  and  thoroughly  dried,  with 
a  preparation  made  out  of  equal  parts  of  emery  and  cin- 
nabar, and  afterward  rubbing  them  with  a  little  oil  of 
bitter  almonds.  Another  good  and  simple  powder  for 
this  purpose  is  prepared  chalk,  colored  to  the  desired 
shade  with  a  little  carmine.  Polish  the  nails  with  this 
once  a  day,  using  it  on  chamois  skin.  Various  nail  pow- 
ders are  sold  in  the  stores,  but  these  answer  well  and 
are  readily  prepared. 

Mothers  should  clean,  trim  and  polish  the  nails  of 
their  children,  and  as  soon  as  they  get  old  enough  they 
should  be  drilled  on  the  care  of  their  nails  as  much  as 
on  brushing  their  teeth  or  combing  their  hair.  We  all 
acknowledge  the  importance  of  caring  for  the  teeth; 
and  why  are  not  the  nails,  which  are  so  important  to  the 
personal  appearance,  given  more  attention? 

Brittleness  of  the  Nails. — This  may  be  cured  by 
soaking  the  finger  tips  in  a  solution  of  one  part  carbolic 
acid  to  twenty  of  water,  for  a  few  minutes  each  day. 

Ridges  on  the  Nails. — These  may  be  rubbed  down 
with  pumice  stone  moistened  with  water.  This  will 
make  the  nails  look  a  little  dull,  and  they  should  be 


584 


THE  HANDS  AND  ARMS. 


polished  at  once  with  some  prepared  chalk,  colored  with 
carmine.    Pits  or  depressions  may  be  similarly  treated. 

Injured  Nails.— When,  through  injury,  a  nail 
becomes  dark-colored  and  loose,  the  finger  should  be 
protected  with  a  finger-stall  until  the  old  nail  is  shed 
and  the  new  one  grown.  If  the  finger  is  soaked  for  a 
few  minutes  daily  in  hot  water,  it  will  hasten  the  sepa- 
ration of  the  old  nail,  but  do  not  pull  it  off  by  force. 

Stains. — Stains  on  the  nails  caused  by  acids  or 
analine  dyes  should  be  removed  with  liquid  ammonia. 
For  stains  by  alkalies,  use  vinegar  or  lemon-juice. 
Solutions  of  iodide  of  potassium,  or  sulphydrate  of  am- 
monium, will  remove  nitrate  of  silver  stains.  Oxalic  or 
sulphuric  acid  will  remove  fruit  or  ink  stains.  After 
using  any  of  the  above,  the  hands  should  not  be  washed 
with  soap  for  several  hours.  Salts  of  lemon  will  remove 
fruit  and  ink  stains,  and  the  hands  may  be  washed  after- 
ward with  soap. 

White  Spots. — The  white  specks  which  sometimes 
disfigure  the  nails  may  be  cured  by  rubbing  the  nails 
with  powdered  pumice-stone  moistened  with  water.  As 
the  nail  grows  they  will  disappear.  Or,  pitch  and 
myrrh,  melted  together,  may  be  rubbed  on  the  nail,  and 
the  spots  will  disappear  in  a  short  time. 

THE  ARMS. 

One  advantage  of  what  is  commonly  termed  "full 
dress  "(  !)  is  the  opportunity  it  gives  ladies  with  beautiful 
well-rounded  arms  to  show  them.  The  thin,  scrawny  arms 
so  often  seen  in  ball-rooms  are  wholly  unnecessary,  and 
would  not  be  seen  if  women  took  proper  exercise  from 
childhood.  Calisthenics,  or  the  exercise  required  in 
housework,  will  develop  the  muscles  usually,  and  give 
that  plump  fullness  so  essential  to  beauty.    The  author 


THE  HANDS  AND  ARMS. 


585 


of  the  Ugly  Girl  Papers  says  very  truthfully :  "  Throw- 
ing quoits  and  sweeping  are  good  exercises  to  develop 
the  arms.  There  is  nothing  like  three  hours  of  house- 
work a  day  for  giving  a  woman  a  good  figure."  Bathing 
the  arms  with  cold  water  once  or  twice  a  day,  and 
applying  friction  and  manipulation,  together  with  proper 
exercise  of  some  kind  to  develop  the  muscles,  will  do 
more  than  anything  else  to  increase  the  size  and  shape 
of  the  arms.  This,  with  suitable  attention  to  the  care 
of  the  skin,  is  all  that  is  needed  to  secure  comely  arms. 
Those  who  for  any  reason  cannot  take  vigorous  exercise 
to  develop  their  muscles  will  find  massage  the  best 
substitute.    It  should  be  administered  by  an  expert. 

Arms  which  are  not  well  formed  or  white  may  be 
concealed  by  wearing  long  gloves  at  balls  and  dinners 
Arms  which  are  well  formed,  but  which  are  too  red. 
may  be  helped  by  applying  the  following  lotion : 

Take  of  powdered  borax  3  drachms. 


This  is  also  good  for  the  shoulders  and  neck. 

Another  cosmetic  for  the  arms  and  shoulders,  which 
gives  whiteness  and  firmness  to  the  skin,  is  the  follow- 
ing: Take  the  whites  of  four  eggs  and  thoroughly  mix 
in  one  or  two  grains  of  alum,  then  add  some  rose-water, 
bring  it  to  a  boil  and  beat  until  thick.  This  may  be 
rubbed  over  the  skin,  and  then  cover  it  with  an  old  linen 
cloth.  When  going,  to  a  full-dress  party,  this  maybe 
worn  all  the  previous  afternoon,  or  night. 

For  removing  the  down  on  the  arms  see  "  Superfluous 
Hair"  in  our  chapter  on  ''The  Hair." 

For  the  unpleasant  perspiration  under  the  arms,  see 
"Perspiration,"  among  "The  Affections  of  the  Skin." 

Moles,  freckles,  and  other  affections  of  the  skin  are 
treated  in  the  chapter  on  the  "xiffections  of  the  Skin." 


Glycerine  

Elder-flower  water. 


%^  ounce. 
12  ounces.  Mix. 


THE  FEET  AND  LOWER  LIMBS. 


O  FAE  as  beauty  of  appearaDce  is  concerned 
the  feet  and  legs  are  among  the  least  im- 
portant members  of  the  body.  Trifling 
defects  are  easily  concealed,  and  only  the 
glaring  deformities,  as  a  rnle,  attract  atten- 
tion. In  observing  the  follies  of  fashion 
hardly  any  member  of  the  body  has  suffered 
more  than  the  foot.  The  Chinese  custom 
of  bandaging  and  distorting  these  members 
is  too  well  known  to  need  description,  but  we  fear  the 
highly  civilized  races  are  not  altogether  free  from  the 
same  folly,  although  they  have  it  in  milder  form .  The 
human  foot,  as  nature  designed  it,  is  really  a  beautiful 
thing.  See,  for  example,  the  feet  in  our  illustration 
entitled,  "  Whither  Would  You  Fly  ?  " 

THE  FEET. 

Large  feet  are  considered  a  misfortune,  and  there  is 
hardly  anything  about  which  vain  people  are  more 
sensitive  than  the  size  of  their  feet.  The  effort  to  get 
number  four  feet  into  number  two-and-a-half  shoes 
produces  endless  torture,  and  many  malformations  of 
these  members.  A  beautiful  foot  is  a  proper  object 
of  pride,  but  where  can  the  sculptor  or  artist  find  a 
perfect  model  in  these  days  of  high -heeled  shoes  with 
pointed  toes?  Boots  and  shoes  should  be  made  to  order, 
or  should  at  least  fit  the  feet  easily,  without  cramping  or 
pinching  them.  Tight  and  ill-fitting  shoes  produce 
corns  and  bunions,  impair  the  gracefulness  of  carriage, 

(586) 


THE  FEET  AND  LOWER  LIXBS. 


587 


and  even  distort  the  features  in  the  effort  to  endure  the 
pain.  We  presume  it  is  useless  to  declare  a  crusade 
against  a  prevailing  fashion — that  tyrant  who  rules  with 
a  rod  of  iron — but  we  are  happy  to  say  that  a  more 
sensible  style  of  foot-wear  is  coming  into  use.  and  many 
ladies  of  fashion  are  emancipating  themselves  from  the 
old,  senseless  and  deforming  high  heels  and  narrow 
toes.  A  woman  who  is  in  even  a  mild  sort  of  servitude 
to  this  fashion  can  be  easily  distinguished  bv  her  lack 
of  grace  in  gait  and  carriage.  Do  not  wear  shoes  which 
are  too  short.  They  press  back  the  great  toe,  which 
yields  at  the  ball  of  the  foot,  and  in  time  deforms  it 
into  a  most  unsightly  appearance. 

India  rubber  shoes,  except  in  wet  weather,  should 
not  be  worn.  They  prevent  the  circulation  of  the  air 
and  cause  the  feet  to  perspire  and  become  offensive.  It 
is  best,  when  possible,  to  wear  insoles  in  shoes.  They 
protect  the  feet  from  the  dampness  of  the  ground,  and 
if  the  feet  perspire  they  can  be  changed  every  day. 
Good  leather  shoes,  which  fit  the  feet  nicely,  are  the 
best  for  every  day  use,  but  for  walking  in  hot  weather 
the  shoes  with  canvass  uppers  and  leather  soles  are  very 
good  and  comfortable.  For  boating  and  other  exercises 
a  very  complete  shoe  is  now  made,  very  comfortable  and 
quite  pretty. 

The  kind  of  stockings  worn  should  depend  some- 
what upon  the  season  of  the  year  and  the  kind  of  shoes 
worn.  In  winter,  woolen  stockings  are  undoubtedly  the 
best.  They  should  certainly  be  worn  by  those  suffering 
with  chilblains.  In  summer,  when  light,  porous  boots 
or  shoes  are  worn,  cotton  stockings  allow  the  perspira- 
tion to  evaporate  fi^eely.  The  stockings  should  never 
be  so  short  as  to  cramp  the  toes,  nor  should  they  pinch 
the  feet  in  any  way;  neither  should  they  be  so  large  as 
to  allow  wrinkles  which  will  fret  or  blister  the  feet.  An 


588 


THE  FEET  AND  LOWEE  LIMBS. 


easy  fit  is  the  most  desirable  size.  The  most  scrupulous 
cleanliness  should  be  observed,  and  it  is  as  vulgar  to 
wear  dirty  stockings  as  it  is  a  dirty  collar. 

If  the  feet  are  soaked  several  times  a  week,  in  water 
containing  a  handful  of  salt,  it  will  benefit  the  skin. 
An  excellent  treatment  for  the  feet  is  to  soak  them  at 
night  in  hot  water  and  soap,  for  about  fifteen  minutes, 
twice  a  week.  Then  rub  them  well,  and  with  a  ball  of 
sandstone  rub  off  all  the  superfluous  skin,  after  which 
olive  oil  or  oil  of  sweet  almonds  may  be  rubbed  in.  To 
preserve  the  bedclothes  after  this,  a  pair  of  light  stock- 
ings should  be  worn  to  sleep  in.  Such  treatment  will 
keep  the  feet  in  a  soft  and  healthy  condition.  Cleanli- 
ness and  health  are  closely  allied;  and  these  too  often 
neglected  members  of  the  body  must  receive  the 
attention  they  deserve  if  we  would  maintain  their  beauty 
and  health.  It  is  astonishing  how  much  perfect  cleanli- 
ness and  care  will  do  for  the  appearance  of  the  feet,  and 
even  the  size.  It  is  true,  nevertheles,  as  a  few  months 
trial  will  abundantly  demonstrate. 

Bunions. — These  are  swellings  usually  over  the 
"ball"  or  joint  of  the  great  toe.  Tight  shoes  or  boots 
are  the  common  cause.  The  first  thing  to  do  to  cure 
them  is,  naturally,  to  remove  the  exciting  cause ;  that  is, 
relieve  the  pressure.  If  inflammation  has  set  in,  rest 
the  foot,  and  apply  warm  fomentations  or  belladonna 
ointment  until  that  subsides.  Then  apply  friction,  and 
rub  in  each  night  some  iodide  of  sulphur  ointment.  If 
suppuration  sets  in,  poultices  should  be  applied  and 
continued  until  that  ceases.  Then  apply  the  iodine, 
and  let  the  foot  rest  until  well. 

Distortion  of  the  Joint  is  sometimes  caused  by 
wearing  boots  which  are  too  short,  and  so  crowding 
back  the  great  toe.  To  cure  this,  get  boots  long  enough 
to  give  the  toe  free  play;  then  place  a  pad  between  the 


WHITHER  WOULD  YOU  FLY? 


THE  FEET  AND  LOWEE  LIMBS. 


591 


great  toe  and  the  next  one,  near  the  end,  and  then  place 
another  pad  over  the  enlarged  joint,  and  wear  a  strong 
elastic  band  over  this  and  around  the  foot,  designed  to 
press  the  joint  back  into  place  as  much  as  possible.  A 
little  time  will  make  an  improvement. 

Chilblains.— These  inflammations  of  the  skin  are 
caused,  usually,  by  abrupt  transitions  from  cold  to  heat, 
as  by  getting  the  feet  very  cold  and  then  warming  them 
by  a  stove.  In  our  chapter  on  the  hands,  we  discuss  the 
treatment  of  chilblains,  as  our  readers  may  see.  To 
prevent  chilblains  the  feet  should  be  kept  warmly  cov- 
ered, and  when  they  are  very  cold  they  should  not  be 
warmed  at  a  fire  or  in  warm  water.  Bathe  them, 
instead,  in  cold  water,  and  then  dry  and  apply  friction. 
The  principle  is  much  the  same  as  that  of  rubbing  a 
frozen  ear  with  snow,  instead  of  thawing  it  out  by  a 
warm  fire.  Inflamed  chilblains  should  be  protected 
from  the  friction  of  shoes  or  boots,  and  absolute  rest 
may,  in  extreme  cases,  be  required  for  a  time.  The 
affected  parts  may  be  bathed  with  turpentine  liniment, 
or  camphorated  spirits,  or  a  lotion  made  of  nine  drachms 
of  compound  soap  liniment  and  three  drachms  of  tincture 
of  cantharides,  mixed. 

Cold  Feet. — People  who  are  troubled  with  cold  feet 
will  find  that  a  simple  and  effective  remedy  is  to  bathe 
them  in  cold  water  night  and  morning,  and  then  apply 
friction  to  stimulate  the  circulation.  A  little  red  pep- 
per, dusted  into  the  stockings,  will  do  much  to  prevent 
cold  feet  in  the  winter.  Exercise  also  relieves  this  com- 
plaint. They  may  be  caused  by  debility,  and  then 
internal  remedies  will  be  required.  As  a  rule,  woolen 
stockings  should  be  worn  by  people  thus  troubled.  The 
wearing  of  these  will,  however,  in  some  persons,  cause  a 
perspiration  which  results  in  cold  feet.  A  woolen  stock- 
ing with  a  merino  foot  is  now  sold  for  such  cases. 


592 


THE  FEET  AND  LOWER  LIMBS. 


Corns. — These  are  simply  an  increased  growth  of  the 
skin,  caused  by  irritation  from  pressure  or  friction. 
They  are  of  two  kinds, — the  soft  and  hard.  The  most 
common  cause  is  tight  shoes,  but  those  which  fit  badly 
will  often  cause  them  by  friction,  even  when  they  are 
loose.  The  first  remedy  is,  of  course,  to  try  and  remove 
the  cause,  by  getting  pliant  and  well-fitting  shoes. 
Bathe  the  feet  in  warm  water,  and  pare  away  the  corn 
as  much  as  possible.  Then,  by  applying  a  little  vinegar 
or  strong  acetic  acid  at  night,  and  smearing  it  with  a 
little  oil  in  the  morning,  a  cure  can  often  be  effected. 
Wearing  a  pad  with  a  hole  in  the  center,  over  the  corn, 
to  relieve  the  pressure,  is  an  old  and  good  remedy. 
Soda  and  potash  are  often  applied  to  corns,  like  the 
vinegar  previously  recommended,  with  good  results. 
Much  suffering  is  sometimes  occasioned  by  a  peculiar 
kind  of  soft  corn  which  forms  under  the  corner  of  the 
great  toe  nail.  By  lifting  the  nail  it  can  usually  be 
discovered  and  turned  out.  When  corns  are  very  sensi- 
tive, they  may  be  touched  with  lunar  caustic,  and  a 
poultice  applied  if  they  are  much  inflamed. 

The  soft  corns  occur  between  the  toes,  and  are  kept 
soft  by  the  perspiration  of  the  feet.  They  should  be 
cut  down  with  a  pair  of  scissors,  and  the  toes  kept  sepa- 
rate by  wearing  a  small  wad  of  linen  or  cotton  between 
them.  This  relieves  the  friction  or  pressure.  Touching 
the  corn  with  lunar  caustic  is  also  often  effective.  Make 
only  one  application,  and  wait  until  the  scab  comes  off 
before  making  another.  It  may  not  be  needed.  The 
feet  should  be  bathed  often,  and  perfect  cleanliness 
observed. 

Ingrowing  Nails. — This  painful  affection  may  be 
cured  by  soaking  the  toes  in  warm  water  and  then 
slipping  a  delicate  strip  of  soft  wood  underneath  the 
edge  of  the  affected  nail,  and  fastening  it  in  place  with 


THE  FEET  AND  LOWER  LIMBS. 


593 


adhesive  plaster.  This  will  give  the  nail  an  upward 
tendency.  The  writer  was  cured  of  this  affection  by 
slipping  cotton  nnder  the  edge  of  the  nail  and  crowding 
it  Tip  in  this  way.  Let  the  nail  grow  out  slightly  beyond 
the  end  of  the  toe,  and  keep  it  trimmed  square,  instead 
of  cutting  off  the  corners,  to  suit  the  rounding  of  the 
toe.  This  will  prevent  further  trouble  in  those  cases 
where  the  nails  manifest  a  tendency  to  grow  in. 

Offensive  Perspiration.  —  Offensive  perspiration 
of  the  feet  should  be  treated  by  paying  great  attention 
to  cleanliness  and  frequent  changing  of  the  stockings. 
Use  also  some  of  the  lotions  given  under  "Perspiration,'' 
in  the  chapter  on  the  "  Affections  of  the  Skin." 

Swelling  of  the  Feet. —  VYhen  the  feet  swell  pain- 
fully in  warm  weather,  an  effectual  remedy  is  said  to  be 
to  soak  them  in  ice-cold  water  for  five  minutes.  The 
head,  however,  should  be  kept  wet  with  ice-water  during 
the  operation,  to  prevent  a  rush  of  blood.  The  treatment 
may  be  taken  at  night,  or  when  the  feet  are  most 
troublesome.  Ladies  in  delicate  health,  or  those  troubled 
with  heart  disease,  should  be  cautious,  however,  in 
trying  this  remedy,  as  it  might  prove  injurious  to  them. 

Tender  Feet— See  "  Sensitive  Skin  "  in  the  chapter 
on    The  Affections  of  the  Skin." 

Turning  in  the  Toes  in  walking  is  usually  a 
matter  of  habit,  and  can  be  cured  by  voluntary  effort. 
The  toes  should  stand  out  at  an  angle  of  about  40^ 
from  each  other.  Making  the  boot-heels  a  little  higher 
on  the  inside  may  help  to  incline  the  foot  into  the  right 
position. 

Wet  Feet. — If  the  feet  become  damp  or  wet  change 
the  stockings,  rub  them  thoroughly  dry,  and  warm  them 
well  before  the  fire.  Do  not  delay  this  treatment,  as 
prompt  attention  may  save  a  violent  cold,  or,  possibly, 
even  a  fatal  illness.    Always  keep  warm,  dry  feet. 


594 


THE  FEET  AND  LOWEE  LIMBS. 


THE  LOWEK  LIMBS. 

Man  in  the  process  of  his  development  has  evolved 
a  much  fuller,  rounder  and  more  beautiful  leg  than  he 
at  first  possessed.  Savages  are  said  to  be  mid-way 
between  man  and  apes  in  the  shape  and  beauty  of  their 
legs,  and  Spencer,  Darwin,  and  other  scientists,  call 
attention  to  their  thin  and  slender  limbs.  Active  exercise 
is  needed  to  develop  the  muscles  and  give  them  that 
plump  fullness  which  is  essential  to  beauty.  Walking, 
dancing  and  skating,  are  all  good  for  this  purpose.  The 
thin  and  spindling  legs  often  displayed  at  bathing  places 
simply  indicate  that  from  lack  of  exercise  they  are 
undeveloped,  and  therefore  deficient  in  beauty. 

Bow  Legs. — These  are  caused  by  bad  nursing.  Any 
bone  in  the  body,  however,  on  which  pressure  can  be 
exerted,  can  be  modified  in  shape,  and  bow  legs  can 
be  remedied  by  wearing  a  splint  on  the  inside  of  the 
leg,  passing  from  the  inside  of  the  thigh  to  the  ankle- 
A  few  months,  time  will  bring  awkward  limbs  into  shape, 
and  sufferers  should  avail  themselves  of  the  resources  of 
modern  surgery  and  remedy  these  defects.  A  surgeon 
may  be  consulted,  and  suitable  appliances  easily  worn. 

Weak  Ankles. — Those  troubled  with  this  complaint 
can  strengthen  the  jjarts  by  bathing  them  in  cold  salt 
water,  and  then  applying  friction.  In  addition,  the  foot 
and  ankle  may  be  well  bandaged.  The  exercise  of 
walking  or  skating  will  develop  the  muscles,  and  so 
prove  beneficial.  The  shoes  or  boots  which  are  worn 
should  have  the  heels  and  soles  made  thicker  on  the 
inside  than  on  the  outside,  or  a  cork  insole,  so  made, 
may  be  worn  inside  the  shoe.  A  laced  walking  shoe 
should  be  worn,  to  give  support  to  the  ankle  and  prevent 
straining  it,  as  each  occurrence  of  this  kind  only  makes 
the  trouble  more  pronounced. 


THE  FIGURE. 


S  Tre  have  previously  stated  in  tliis  work,  a 
fine  figure  is  one  of  the  greatest  attractions 
any  one  can  possess,  for  it  is  an  indication 
of  perfect  liealtli.  It  is  to  be  feared,  how- 
ever, that  there  has  been  a  tendency  among 
our  American  parents  to  develop  the  ner- 
vous organization  too  highly  at  the  expense 
of  the  physical,  and  particularly  has  this 
been  the  case  in  regard  to  growing  girls. 
Dr.  E.  H.  Clark,  in  his  work  on  "  Sex  and  Education," 
writes  these  weighty  words:  "'I  never  saw  before  so 
many  pretty  girls  together,'  said  Lady  Amberly  to  the 
writer,  after  a  visit  to  the  public  schools  of  Boston  ;  and 
then  she  added.  '  They  all  looked  sick.'  Circumstances 
have  repeatedly  carried  me  to  Europe,  where  I  am 
always  surprised  by  the  red  blood  that  fills  and  colors 
the  faces  of  ladies  and  peasant  girls,  reminding  one  of 
the  canvas  of  Rubens  and  Murillo;  and  I  am  always 
equally  surprised  on  my  return  by  crowds  of  pale, 
bloodless  female  faces,  that  suggest  consumption,  scro- 
fula, anaemia  and  neuralgia."  So,  also,  Mrs.  Harriet 
Beecher  Stowe  has  said  that  the  race  of  strong,  hardy, 
cheerful  girls  ...  is  daily  lessening;  and,  in  their 
stead,  come  the  fragile,  easily  fatigued,  languid  girls  of 
a  modern  age,  drilled  in  book-learning,  ignorant  of 
common  things." 

So  much  has  been  written  upon  this  subject  during 
the  last  few  years,  stowing  not  only  the  immediate 

(595) 


596 


THE  FIGURE. 


ill  effects  on  the  health  of  the  individual,  but  the  very 
serious  danger  to  the  welfare  of  the  race,  that  we  hope 
for  reform  in  this  matter;  and,  indeed,  there  are  signs 
which  encourage  the  belief  that,  on  the  whole,  our 
women  are  gaining  physically  as  well  as  intellectually. 
Thus  Dr.  Beard,  in  his  work  on  "  American  Nervous- 
ness/' says,  "  During  the  last  two  decades  the  well-to-do 
classes  of  Americans  have  been  visibly  growing 
stronger,  fuller,  healthier.  We  weigh  more  than  our 
fathers;  the  women  in  all  our  great  centers  of  popula- 
tion are  yearly  becoming  more  plump  and  more  beauti- 
ful. .  .  .  On  all  sides  there  is  a  visible  reversion 
to  the  better  physical  appearance  of  our  English  and 
German  ancestors.  .  .  .  The  one  need  for  the 
perfection  of  the  beauty  of  the  American  women — 
want  of  fat — is  now  supplied."  Anything  which  induces 
our  women  to  overcome  their  indolence,  and  leave  the 
hot-house  air  of  most  luxurious  houses  for  the  exercise 
and  sunlight  of  out- door  amusements,  is  to  be  welcome; 
and  even  the  absurd  Anglo-mania  of  many  circles  may 
be  of  some  benefit  in  this  way. 

As  we  have  tried  to  explain  in  the  preceding  pages 
the  main  reliance  for  developing  in  ourselves  and  our 
children  that  high  health,  of  which  beauty  is  the  out- 
ward indication,  must  be  in  observing  the  laws  of  health 
— cleanliness,  an  abundance  of  good  nourishing  food, 
exercise,  fresh  air  and  sleep — these  things,  together 
with  due  attention  to  the  development  of  the  intellect- 
ual and  spiritual  faculties,  will  not  fail  to  show  them- 
selves in  form  and  feature.  Art  may  and  does  supply 
a  few  aids  or  accessories,  but  they  cannot  supplant  or 
be  substituted  for  the  other  and  more  important  things. 

There  are  a  few  points,  however,  more  directly  con- 
nected with  the  figure,  which  remain  for  us  to  discuss 
before  closing,  and  the  first  one  is  the  chest. 


THE  FIGUEE. 


597 


THE  CHEST. 

The  hollow-chested,  stoop-shouldered  figures,  which 
are  much  too  common  in  city  and  country  alike,  are 
not  beautiful.  These  sunken  chests  are  often  the  result 
ot  improperly  constructed  school-desks,  sedentary 
labor,  the  lack  of  suitable  food,  fresh  air  and  exercise. 

A  prominent  arched  chest,"  says  Professor  Kollman, 
"is  an  infallible  sign  of  a  vigorous,  healthy  skeleton; 
whereas  a  narrow,  flat,  and,  still  more,  a  bent  thorax, 
is  a  physical  index  of  bodily  weakness  and  inherited 
decrepitude."  From  one-sixth  to  one-tenth  of  the 
deaths  in  all  the  civilized  nations  of  Europe  are  caused 
by  consumption,  it  is  said.  And  yet  very  few  vocalists 
die  of  consumption,  says  Mr.  A.  B.  Bach,  owing  to  the 
ample  exercise  they  give  to  their  chests  and  lungs. 

Almost  any  one,  with  a  little  effort,  can  expand  his 
chest  from  three  to  five  inches  in  a  few  months  time  by 
practicing  a  few  easy  exercises,  like  those  we  describe 
hereafter.  Most  people  have  a  way  of  sagging  down 
when  they  sit  to  write,  read  or  sew,  which  cramps  the 
chest  and  prevents  their  inhaling  the  full  and  deep 
breaths  of  air  which  are  so  essential  to  health.  The 
habit  can  be  easily  broken  by  those  who  will  watch 
themselves.  Whenever  they  fall  into  this  position,  they 
should  straighten  up  and  draw  six  or  eight  long,  deep 
breaths,  throw  the  shoulders  back,  and  bend  the  back- 
bone in.  At  first  it  will  seem  awkward,  but  by  perse- 
vering for  one  month  the  habit  will  be  overcome,  in 
most  cases,  and  the  straight,  correct  attitude  will  be 
found  more  comfortable,  as  it  certainly  is  more  health- 
ful. An  abundance  of  fresh  air  should  be  allowed  in 
the  sleeping-room.  In  all  ordinary  weather  the  window 
may  be  kept  open.  Lower  it  a  little  at  the  t^p,  and 
place  the  bed  so  that  there  will  not  be  a  draft  on  the 


596 


THE  FIGURE. 


occupant.  Sleep  on  a  low  pillow,  and  on  the  back, 
usually.  This  will  tend  to  keep  the  mouth  closed,  and 
promote  breathing  through  the  nose,  which  should 
always  be  done.  We  give  a  few  exercises,  easily  prac- 
ticed, and  intended  to  expand  the  chest  and  lungs: 

First:  Stand  erect,  with  the  toes  turned  out  and  the  hands 
hanging  by  the  side.  Then  form  the  mouth  into  about  the  shape 
a  boy  does  when  whistUng,  leaving  an  opening  not  larger  than  a 
lead  pencil,  and  draw  slowly  into  the  lungs  as  much  air  as  you 
can  inhale.  Hold  it  for  a  few  seconds  (as  long  as  you  can,  com- 
fortably), and  then  eject  it  with  a  sharp  explosive  spurt.  Repeat 
this  operation  ten  or  fifteen  times.  Some  writers  advise  holding 
a  quill  in  the  mouth,  through  which  the  air  is  drawn  into  the 
lungs.  The  advantage  of  this  is  that  it  necessitates  breathing 
slowly.  But  the  other  method  of  nearly  closing  the  mouth 
answers  the  same  purpose. 

Second:  Stand  erect,  and  fill  the  lungs  as  before  directed. 
Then,  while  holding  the  breath,  drum  with  the  hands  on  the 
chest  and  sides,  with  moderate  force.  This  will  send  the  air  into 
any  unused  cells  and  open  the  lungs.  Let  the  air  eecape  as  before 
and  repeat  the  exercise  six  or  eight  times. 

Third:  Fill  the  lungs  as  before,  and,  holding  the  breath, 
extend  the  arms  to  their  full  length  in  front,  and  then  throw  them 
back  with  full  force,  with  something  like  the  motion  of  striking 
Repeat  eight  or  ten  times.    This  expands  the  chest. 

Fourth:  Again  filling  the  lungs,  stretch  out  the  arms  at  full 
length  in  front,  and  swing  them  back  as  far  as  possible.  Let  the 
hands  spat  in  front,  and  try  and  make  them  touch  behind,  repeat- 
ing several  times.  Also,  try  and  touch  the  elbows  in  much  the 
same  way.  This  corrects  the  tendency  to  round  shoulders,  throws 
in  the  shoulder  blades,  and  relieves  the  effects  of  tight  lacing. 

Fifth:  Standing  erect,  filling  the  lungs,  and  holding  the 
breath  as  before,  clasp  the  hands  behind  the  back  and  stretch 
them  down  as  far  as  possible,  at  the  same  time  allowing  the  breath 
to  escape.  Repeat  six  or  eight  times.  The  effect  of  this  move- 
ment is  to  draw  down  and  strengthen  the  shoulders,  throw  in  the 
shoulder  blades  and  expand  the  chest.  Projecting  shoulder 
blades  are  a  disfigurement,  and  several  of  the  movements  given 
tend  to  correct  it. 


THE  FIG  TEE. 


601 


These  exercises  will  be  best  performed  while  stand- 
ing before  a  mirror.  This  will  give  an  interest  to  the 
performer,  render  the  exercise  more  perfect,  and  lead 
her  to  note  the  improvement,  and  thus  encourage  her  to 
persevere.  If  the  chest  is  carefully  measured  at  the 
start,  and  from  time  to  time  thereafter,  the  gain  will  be 
still  more  evident.  The  exercises  should  be  taken  with 
the  clothes  loose,  so  that  the  chest  and  arms  can  act 
freely,  without  being  cramped  or  restrained  in  any  vray. 
A  good  time  for  the  purpose  is  on  rising  in  the  morn- 
ing, and  before  dressing.  Twenty  or  thirty  minutes  a 
day,  devoted  to  exercises  like  these,  will  start  the  blood 
into  circulation,  develop  the  lungs,  straighten  the  hgure 
and  expand  the  chest.  If  these,  or  similar  exercises, 
were  taken  by  all  our  pale-faced  and  narrow-chested 
women,  how  soon  their  appearance  would  improve!  If 
the  first  effort  at  these  exercises  causes  dizziness  and 
starts  the  tears,  do  not  mind  it,  as  that  will  soon  pass 
away;  but,  of  course,  moderation  should  be  used  at  first. 
In  a  few  days  the  muscles  will  begin  to  grow  and  the 
blood  to  flow,  and  no  dizziness  will  be  felt.  The  use 
of  dumb-bells,  and  the  other  calisthenic  exercises 
previously  recommended  (the  word  ''calisthenics''  is 
derived  from  two  Greek  words  meaning  "beautiful"' 
and  "strength"),  will  also  help  a  woman's  figure — for 
even  those  who  work  do  not  always  exercise  all  the 
muscles  which  should  be  kept  in  active  use  to  preserve 
them  in  health  and  vigor. 

The  want  of  fullness  in  those  muscles  of  the  shoulders 
which  give  them  their  graceful  slope,  and  which  is  so 
essential  to  their  beauty  (see,  for  example,  the  neck  and 
shoulders  in  our  portrait  of  Diane  de  Poitiers  and  in 
Eaphael's  "First  Hour  of  Night")  and  that  of  the 
chest,  may  be  remedied  by  exercises  which  will  develop 
them     Playing  battledoor,  swinging  by  the  hands  from 


602 


THE  FIGUKE. 


a  parallel  bar  or  from  the  rings  on  tlie  ends  of  hanging 
ropes,  so  common  in  all  gymnasiums, — all  these  exercises 
tend  to  develop  these  muscles;  so,  also,  does  playing 
bean-bags  and  throwing  ball. 

Winckelman  says  that  in  Greek  works  of  art  "  the 
breast  or  bosom  of  female  figures  is  never  exuberant/' 
and  the  author  of  "The  Ugly  Girl  Pa^Ders"  says:  "A 
low  deep  bosom  rather  than  a  bold  one,  is  a  sign  of 
grace  in  a  full-grown  woman,  and  a  full  bust  is  hardly 
admirable  in  an  unmarried  girl.  Her  figure  should 
be  all  curves,  but  slender,  promising  a  fuller  beauty 
when  maturity  is  reached."  "  The  Ugly  Girl  Papers," 
by  the  way,  is  a  book  which  is  full  of  sensible  advice; 
and  there  is  another  passage  which  we  cannot  do  better 
than  quote.  The  author  says:  "One  thing  is  to  be 
solemnly  cautioned,  that  no  human  being — doctor, 
nurse,  nor  the  mother  herself — on  any  pretence,  save 
in  the  case  of  accident,  be  allowed  to  touch  a  girl's 
figure.  It  would  be  unnecessary  to  say  this,  were  not 
French  and  Irish  nurses,  especially  old  and  experienced 
ones,  sometimes  in  the  habit  of  stroking  the  figures  of 
young  girls  committed  to  their  charge,  with  the  idea  of 
developing  them.  This  is  not  mentioned  from  hearsay. 
Mothers  can  not  be  too  careful  how  they  leave  their 
children  with  even  w^ell-meaning  servants,  A  young 
girl's  body  is  more  sensitive  than  any  harp  is  to  the  air 
that  plays  upon  it.  Nature — free,  uneducated  and 
direct — responds  to  every  touch  on  that  seat  of  the 
nerves,  the  bosom,  by  an  excitement  that  is  simply 
ruinous  to  a  child's  nervous  system.  This  is  pretty 
plain  talking,  but  no  plainer  than  the  subject  demands. 
Girls  are  very  different  in  their  feelings,  some  affec- 
tionate, innocent,  hearty  natures  remain  through  their 
lives  as  simple  as  when  they  were  babes  taking  their 
bath  under  their  mother's  hand;  while  others,  equally 


THE  FIGURE. 


603 


innocent  but  more  susceptible,  require  to  be  guarded 
and  sheltered  even  from  the  violence  of  a  caress  as  if 
from  contagion  and  pain."  This  extract  states  better 
than  we  possibly  can  a  point  it  may  be  well  to  mention. 

In  the  preceding  pages  we  have  dwelt  quite  fully 
on  the  development  of  the  various  muscles  of  the  body. 
These,  as  is  well  known,  can  not  only  be  strengthened 
and  developed  by  exercise,  but  by  friction  and  manipu- 
lation as  well;  but  in  regard  to  the  various  glands  of 
the  body  this  course  is  not  to  be  recommended,  as  any 
artificial  or  unnatural  stimulation  of  a  secreting  gland 
is  dangerous,  each  organ  being  subject  to  its  own 
peculiar  peril.  A  few  words  of  warning  may  not  be 
out  of  place  here,  inasmuch  as  there  are  so  many  adver- 
tisements and  recommendations  of  ways  and  means  for 
developing  the  bust,  and  of  which  it  is  well  for  women 
to  beware.  The  breasts  are  highly  sensitive,  and  also 
more  than  any  other  organ  liable  to  develop  tumors  of 
a  malignant  type,  therefore  it  is  not  advisable  to  tamper 
with  these  organs  in  any  way  for  the  purpose  of  increas- 
ing or  decreasing  their  size.  If  any  permanent  swelling, 
or  even  quite  small  hard  tumors  should  be  discovered, 
the  family  physician  should  be  promptly  consulted. 

Of  all  the  inventions  for  filling  out  the  dress  when 
the  bust  IS  too  flat,  the  woven  wire  forms  are  the  best, 
as  they  are  cool  and  do  not  compress  the  breasts ;  but 
even  these  should  have  an  extra  binding  of  cloth  on 
the  edges  to  prevent  their  causing  any  irritation.  Pads 
which  impede  and  ruin  the  developement  of  the  bust 
should  never  be  worn.  The  pressure  of  the  pads  will 
check  the  blood  supply  and  thereby  cause  atrophy,  and 
it  also  causes  the  absorption  of  the  tissues  themselves. 
India  rubber  pads  are  especially  injurious,  preventing 
the  circulation  of  the  air,  sweating  the  skin  and  spoiling 
the  bust.     Young  girls  especially  should  never  have 


604 


THE  FIGUKE. 


padding  in  their  dresses,  nor  should  there  be  the  least 
compression  across  the  chest.  When  pads  have  been 
worn  producing  evil  effects  which  it  is  desired  to  over- 
come, the  treatment  is  to  discard  them  and  bathe  and 
gently  rub  the  parts  affected,  relying  on  the  stimula- 
ting effect  of  this  course  to  restore  the  organs. 

THE  WAIST. 

In  no  other  respect  do  women  so  deliberately  and 
universally  distort  their  figures  and  destroy  t  heir  beauty 
as  in  the  matter  of  tight  lacing.  In  the  celebrated 
statue  known  as  the  Yenus  de  Medici,  that  model  of 
female  beauty,  the  waist  is  twenty-seven  inches  in 
circumference,  and  yet  the  figure  is  only  five  feet  and 
two  inches  in  height.  The  law  of  beauty  requires  the 
waist  to  be  twice  the  size  of  the  throat.  It  is  difficult  to 
account  for  the  mania  for  small  waists.  Planch  e,  in  his 
Cyclopoedia  of  Costumes,  says  that  it  "  appears  to  have 
been  introduced  by  the  Normans  as  early  as  the  twelfth 
century.  *  *  *  *  To  make  their  middles  as  small 
as  possible  has  been  ever  since  an  unfortunate  mania 
with  the  generality  of  the  fair  sex,  to  the  detriment  of 
their  health  and  the  distortion  of  their  forms."  Physi- 
cians have  been  writing  against  tight  lacing  ever  since 
1602,  when  Felix  Plater  denounced  the  corset;  but  their 
protest  has  had  little  effect,  and  the  cause  of  the  mania 
is  still  a  mystery.  Our  protest  will  be  as  useless  as  that 
of  others,  but,  aside  from  the  question  of  health,  and 
looking  at  it  simply  from  the  aesthetic  standpoint,  no 
one  comparing  the  wasp-waist  with  that  of  the  Greek 
Slave,  or  any  other  model,  can  hesitate  for  a  moment  in 
declaring  that  it  is  ugly  and  a  distortion.  No  man  worth 
a  woman's  regard  admires  her  for  such  a  want  of  sym- 
metry.  Still  further,  tight  lacing  tends  to  produce  high 


THE  riGUEE. 


605 


shoulders — a  deformity  in  women — unnaturally  large 
hips,  varicose  veins  in  the  legs,  and  red  noses.  It 
crowds  the  lungs  and  impedes  their  free  action,  which 
is  so  essential  to  health,  and  injures  the  heart,  liver  and 
reproductive  organs.  It  is  said  "  the  German  physiolo- 
gist Sommering  has  enumerated  no  less  than  ninety-two 
diseases  resulting  from  tight  lacing."  Speaking  of 
tight  lacing,  Anna  Kingsford,  M.  D.,  says:  "Infants 
often  perish  before  birth,  in  consequence  of  the  folly 
(tight  lacing)  of  which  their  mothers  have  been  guilty. 
Srfch  acts  are  sins  for  which  women  are  quite  as  much 
accountable  as  for  any  other  moral  transgression." 
Many  women  have  worn  tight  corsets  so  long,  and 
learned  to  rely  on  them  so  much  for  support,  that  they 
think  they  cannot  get  along  without  them,  which  is  a 
most  mistaken  idea.  Fortunately,  however,  tight  lacing 
is  going  out  of  style,  at  present,  in  all  countries,  and 
that  which  could  not  be  accomplished  by  appeals  to  the 
reason  may  be  brought  about  by  a  dictate  of  fashion. 
Certainly  this  result  is  devoutly  to  be  wished.  "I 
firmly  believe,  and  shamefacedly  confess,"  says  Miss 
Frances  E.  Willard,  "that  the  corset  habit  among 
women  is  as  difficult  to  break  as  the  alcohol  and  tobacco 
habit  among  men.  If  the  laws  of  God  that  seek  the 
health  of  the  body  were  obeyed  but  by  a  single  genera- 
tion, the  next  one  would  be  physically  beautiful."  Any 
woman  who  directs  or  permits  her  own  daughter  to 
commit  so  great  a  crime  against  Nature — against  her 
own  being  and  the  children  she  will  bear — ought  to  be 
tried  and  condemned  to  some  dire  punishment. 

OBESITY. 

Obesity,  or  the  excessive  accumulation  of  flesh,  is  a 
great  enemy  of  beauty.  Women,  as  a  rule,  suffer  more 
from  this  complaint  than  men — possibly  because  they 


606 


THE  FIGURE. 


lead  less  active  lives.  In  many  cases  the  infirmity  is 
hereditary,  and  in  others  it  is  brought  on  largely  by  the 
mode  of  living.  In  some  countries — as,  for  example,  in 
Oriental  lands — excessive  fatness  is  considered  an 
attraction  in  women;  and,  in  other  countries,  excessive 
leanness  is  admired.  But,  in  most  civilized  lands,  a 
happy  medium  is  desired.  Obesity  is  often  an  evidence 
of  disease,  and  it  is  said  that  extremely  fat  people  are 
rarely  very  long  lived. 

Hippokrates,  "  the  father  of  medicine,"  investigated 
the  subject  of  corpulency,  and  since  his  day  various 
methods  of  reducing  it  have  been  proposed.  Although 
the  different  authorities  disagree  somewhat  in  details,  they 
nearly  all  agree  on  a  few  of  the  more  important  points. 
One  of  these  is,  that  those  suffering  from  this  complaint 
should  abstain  from  eating  foods  abounding  in  fats, 
sugar  and  starch.  Another  is,  that  they  should  take 
abundant  exercise,  preferably  in  the  open  air.  In  active 
exercise,  fat  is  consumed  by  being  burned  in  the  pro- 
duction of  heat  to  keep  the  machinery  going,  and,  if 
profuse  perspiration  is  induced,  so  much  the  better,  as 
that  draws  away  some  of  the  fluids.  Dancing,  horseback 
riding,  walking,  and  the  various  gymnastic  exercises,  are 
all  good. 

The  system  practiced  by  Mr.  Banting,  a  gentleman 
who  reduced  his  weight  from  two  hundred  and  two  to 
one  hundred  and  fifty  pounds  in  a  short  time,  is  well 
known.  Of  this  system  Dr.  G.  M.  Beard,  in  "  Eating 
and  Drinking,"  says  that  "  he  lived  on  beef,  mutton, 
fish,  bacon,  dry  toast  and  biscuit,  poultry,  game,  tea, 
coffee,  claret,  and  sherry  in  small  quantities,  and  a 
nightcap  of  gin,  whisky,  brandy  or  wine.  He  abstained 
from  the  following  articles:  Pork,  veal,  salmon,  eels, 
herrings,  sugar,  milk,  and  all  sorts  of  vegetables  grown 
underground,  and  nearly  all  fatty  and  farinaceous  sub- 


THE  FIGURE. 


607 


stances.  He  daily  drank  forty-three  ounces  of  liquids. 
On  this  diet  he  kept  himself  for  seven  years  at  one  hun- 
dred and  fifty  j)ounds.  He  found — as  do  all  others—  that 
sugar  Avas  the  most  powerful  of  all  fatteners." 

Dr.  Schwenninger,  who  reduced  Bismarck's  weight 
some  forty  pounds,  and  thereby  gained  so  much  fame, 
says  the  patient  should  not  drink  while  eating,  nor 
v/ithin  an  hour  or  two  of  the  meal-time. 

Early  rising  should  be  practiced.  Acid  drinks, 
like  lemonade,  are  the  best,  but  excessive  drinking 
should  be  avoided.  Fat  people  are  usually  thirsty,  and 
curtailing  the  amount  of  water  they  drink  is  quite  as 
important  as  abstaining  from  the  use  of  farinaceous 
food.  Experiments  made  on  the  horses  of  a  cavalry 
regiment  demonstrated  the  fat-producing  qualities  of 
water.  Potatoes,  honey,  syrup,  pastry  containing  sugar 
and  suet,  farina,  tapioca,  arrowroot,  sago,  etc.,  are  all 
bad;  while  green  vegetables,  raw  fruit  and  pickles  may 
be  eaten  freely.  The  laxative  waters,  like  the  Fried- 
richshall  and  Hunyadi  Janos,  are  recommended,  as 
constipation  is  very  favorable  to  obesity.  Brown  brqad, 
or  that  containing  bran,  is  much  better  than  white  for 
such  patients.  All  the  white  bread  they  eat  should  be 
toasted,  which  changes  the  starch  into  dextrine.  This 
regimen  is  not  very  difficult,  and  custom  wall  soon  make 
it  pleasant,  and  the  effect  will  shortly  be  seen  in  reducing 
i  the  excessive  obesity  in  almost  any  patient. 

LEANNESS. 

It  is  probable  that  there  are  quite  as  many  lean 
people  desiring  to  increase  their  flesh  as  there  are  fat 
people  desiring  to  reduce  it.  In  general,  it  may  be  said 
that  the  course  to  be  pursued  is  the  reverse  of  that 
given  for  obesity.  Anxiety  and  mental  uneasiness  are 
great  enemies  of  corpulence,  and  one  of  the  first  requi- 


608 


THE  FIGURE. 


sites  for  those  who  would  increase  their  weight  is  to 
cultivate  an  even  and  placid  temper — not  fitfully,  but  as 
a  constant  habit.  Another  important  point  is  to  eat 
slowly  and  masticate  the  food  thoroughly,  and  still 
another  is  to  eat  frequently.  Dr.  Dio  Lewis  says,  in  his 
book  on  "Our  Digestion":  "If  a  person  wishes  to 
become  fleshy,  he  should  go  to  bed  early  and  get  up 
late.  Must  drink  water  on  retiring  and  at  rising,  and 
drink  a  considerable  quantity  during  the  day."  In  the 
Orient,  where  girls  are  fattened  for  marriage,  as  our 
Western  farmers  fatten  hogs  for  the  market,  the  matter 
is  reduced  to  a  science.  Much  sleep  and  little  exercise, 
freedom  from  anxiety,  frequent  meals,  the  daily  use  of 
a  beverage  of  honey  and  water,  and  a  preparation  of  the 
castor  bean  to  keep  the  bowels  in  order  and  increase  the 
appetite,  are  the  principal  means  they  employ. 

Acid  drinks  should  be  avoided,  but  scalded  milk,  or 
milk  and  cocoa  well  sugared,  may  be  taken  daily. 
Potatoes  may  be  eaten,  and  eggs,  tapioca,  sago,  vermi- 
celli or  custard  puddings,  salads  with  oil  dressings,  etc. 
Fish  may  be  eaten  freely,  but  flesh  meats  are  to  be 
avoided.  Fruits  may  be  eaten,  but  pickles  and  vinegar 
are  not  advisable.  Eat  salt  sparingly,  but  mustard  is  a 
natural  stimulant,  and  may  be  freely  used.  The  exer- 
cise should  be  regular  and  moderate.  Singing  expands 
the  lungs,  and  is  an  excellent  practice  in  connection 
with  the  foregoing  regimen. 

When  the  leanness  is  excessive  it  may  be  the  result 
of  some  disease,  and  then  competent  medical  advice 
should  be  sought ;  but  in  the  ordinary  cases  the  course 
outlined  is  all  that  is  needed.  Everything  should  be 
done  regularly  and  calmly,  as  anxiety,  irregularity  and 
great  fatigue — anything  that  hinders  or  impairs  the 
steady  working  of  digestion  and  assimilation — are  fatal 
to  the  accumulation  of  flesh. 


AGENTS  WANTED. 


-  every  City  and  Town  in  the  Countryj 

to  introduce  ? — 


MODERN  MANNERS 

SOCIAL  FORMS. 


It  is  sold  bv  SUBSCRIPTIOX  ONLY,  and  sells  readily. 

The  publisher  vdil  be  glad  to  correspond  with  all  those- 
desiring  to  engage  m  the  business,  whether  they  have  had 
previous  experience  selling  books  or  not. 

For  full  information  regarding  the  terms  to  agents  and  the 
territory,  address 

J.  E.  SMILEY.  Publisher, 

232  West  \Vashington  Street, 

Chicago.  Iuj. 


« 


^5  -^..^ 


.0' 


%: 

/  o 


a       ^     ^^^^    ^  -.-W.^ 


000487689% 


,0^ 


.5  -n^:. 


■0'  X 


<^      ^  0  ^  V  ^    V\  O     V  /  ; 


<X 


^  ^  *  0 


i 


o  X 


